Sunday, November 5, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Wounded Exits

I mean... short week, coming off a loss, on the road, no Gronk... the Pats could absolutely lose this.


Or not. This is why you don't trade up for kickers. Because they flame out, and then you're forced into making even more bad decisions to cover for that one. Bucs somehow still cover. (Patriots 19, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: AZ @ PHI, CAR @ DET (end), BAL @ OAK, GB @ DAL

Tarp was on this morning. Getting paired with Chris Myers seems like a demotion for Moose. Crowd goes nuts for a neutral zone infraction on the Cardinals. Ertz moving the chains. Jeffrey takes a hit and gets another first down. Are his feet down? Touchdown Burton!


That's two good punt returns by Barner, and some bad tackling on both of them by the Cardinals. Eagles seem to love the middle of the field. Touchdown Ertz. Patrick Robinson just dropped a possible pick-six (and Palmer shouldn't have thrown that pass in the first place.) Andy Lee's still playing? Torrey Smith caught one! Touchdown! This is wild.


Mike Trout in the house, as per usual. That's the second one Robinson's almost gotten, though this one was more difficult. Cardinals finally look like they've woken up. I know I've talked about this before but the Cardinals have an unusual amount of wide receivers named Brown. Touchdown... John? John. Yes.


Cardinals may have jumped offsides and gotten away with it. Zone read fake by Wentz fools the camera man but not the Cardinals. Hassan Reddick in the house. Possibly his actual house, as he is from Camden. Then he trips Wentz and stops him from getting a first down. Wentz escaping disaster. Interception and Wentz can't believe it. Pretty impressive that Antoine Bethea can still make a play like that at his age. By calling it an interception, they can automatically review it, too. Stands. Man, both Douglas and — Jaron? Yes, Jaron — Brown misplayed that one. Gotta call time out immediately after that catch, Cardinals. New long snapper? NEW new long snapper. Was that blocked? Snap was fine; not sure what Moose is talking about. 21-7 Eagles at the half.
Wentz with a poor throw on third down to somewhere in Ertz's vicinity and the Eagles settle for three. Quiet game from Fitzgerald so far, who's owned the Eagles for years. Not a lot of guys having good games for the Cardinals but Chandler Jones is one of them. Agholor? AGHOLOR! Put like two moves on the guy and scored. Patrick Peterson mad on the sideline. I'd actually forgotten that the Cardinals don't have David Johnson until Myers just mentioned it again. Now it's Mills's turn to drop an interception. Oh, it was knocked away. Where was that pass even going? Agholor's career-high receiving yards is 93? And he did it today? That's how bad he was his first two years. Cheesesteak B-roll!


(Eagles 34, Cardinals 7)



The Giants are running out of receivers. They lost Shepard and Marshall on the same drive. Oh, that looked bad. That looked really bad.


The Giants have run out of wide receivers. I've never seen this. (Chargers 27, Giants 22)

Cam said some stupid things this week. But and, he looks like he's getting healthier and closer to his old self. Daniel Fells? Really? Three-point game. Clutch catch by Benjamin to seal it. (Panthers 27, Lions 24)





"A Warm Bucket Of Piss" could also apply to the game itself. (Colts 26, 49ers 23, OT)

That's not the start the Raiders needed or wanted. Neither is that. Good Lord. Brandon Carr stays getting roasted. Touchdown Crabtree as Manuel avoids a sack. That's a perfect throw by Flacco to Wallace. Why are we going through Gumbel's college photo albums? Then he misidentifies Seth Roberts (#10) as Amari Cooper (#89). Don't challenge spots. Or do, apparently. Was that really worth four yards, though? Crabtree barely gets the first down. Yeah, he slipped and fell in the end zone but Manuel probably would have overthrown him anyway. And good job by Trent Green to  point out that the easier throw was probably to Cooper. Tuck that ball in, EJ. Touchdown! Raiders punting here and the fans don't really like it. I'm not sure I do, either. (Ravens 30, Raiders 17)

Davante Adams is playing? I'm stunned. Bulaga back as well. Prescott threw a dart under pressure and Butler made some smooth moves afterwards. Going for it on 4th and 1 from the opposing 22? That's slightly unexpected but it makes sense when you put it like that, Joe. Dez didn't catch it. That's... not a great penalty call. Cowboys get a fresh set of downs. Touchdown Beasley. Pereira agrees that call wasn't good. With no Montgomery, the Packers are sending out some rookies at running back. Touchdown Adams. Wait, what? Another Beasley touchdown. Lot of green in front of Prescott there. The Packers force Elliott outside and he doesn't get the first down. Prescott sneaks for it. Touchdown Dez. FUMBLE! Oh, the Cowboys got it back. They won't score, though.
That sack-penalty call was a total cop-out. Strange, they're showing Witten on the sideline while his GEICO ad runs during this cut-in. Packers going for it on 4th and 1 from the 49. Got it easily. Is this Jones kid good or is this Cowboys defense bad? Touchdown Nelson. Elliott with a big run. That's good defense on Witten but it was real close. Still. the Cowboys retake the bead because Bailey never misses. I always say "Never challenge spots" but I'm gonna ignore that here because that's not a first down. Cowboys have to go for it. Nope. Or... wait, this is closer than we think it is, isn't it? They're gonna give it to him. First down Cowboys. Why pass here and risk stopping the clock? Makes no sense. Touchdown Prescott off the read option fake! Still, 1:13 left for the Pack, plus a time out.


God, two plays and they're already in Cowboys territory. That defense is BAD. Rodgers: "I'll do this myself." Then he takes a shot while going out of bounds, or did he GIVE that shot? TOUCHDOWN ADAMS!


Let's not act surprised.






OK, we can act a little surprised. (Packers 35, Cowboys 31)

This is always uncomfortable. Now Watt being helped off.


They're showing Watt being lifted into the ambulance. Hunt hasn't done much so far. And on cue, there he does. Have the Texans had the ball yet? Yes, and they just fumbled it. Good stop by the Texans defense to hold the Chiefs to three. This game must be really boring as often as they cut to Watt's ambulance.


Lamar Miller with a nice run. This might be what the Texans need. Foreman! Hold up. Will Fuller's a "V"? (I'm fairly certain I've been surprised by this before.) Touchdown Hopkins... yes! Both feet down. West making moves. Touchdown Chiefs. 23-7 at the half. Shotgun on 4th and 1? And they throw it? Watson finds Fuller... touchdown! Bit early to go for two, maybe? No good. Tyreek Hill just killed Jonathan Joseph. I think this is a catch. Watson! Fuller! How did he catch that while being covered with a blanket?


Alex Smith being involved in shootouts is wild. Al, on the Giants: "They might try to sign Del Shofner... or you." I think Bennie Logan's better as a true 3-4 nose tackle instead of a 4-3 hybrid. Hill!
How did the punter take down Fuller? That wasn't a face mask? Touchdown Hopkins! There's been some sick catches tonight. Wait, Kelce hasn't played the whole second half? And now they're saying Conley suffered an Achilles injury. Here comes a Texans Hail Mary because why not. Caught at the 1! Touchdown Hopkins as time expires. (Chiefs 42, Texans 34)

Trubisky time! To be honest, this really should have happened Week 1. OF COURSE IT'S 2-0. IT'S THE 2017 BEARS.


Oh, that's dangerous, rook. Touchdown Bears? How did that WORK? Oh, dude deflected it. Um... what just happened? That was amazing. No way this Bears coaching staff came up with that.
Like I said before... that's dangerous. Kai Forbath? OK, fine. It's GOOD. (Vikings 20, Bears 17)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:

1. Kansas City (5-0) — Doing everything right
2. Philadelphia (4-1) — That was unexpectedly easy
3. Green Bay (4-1) — Mike McCarthy doesn't deserve Aaron Rodgers
4. Carolina (4-1) — Seriously, they've bounced back pretty well

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (1-4) — For the best, really
30. Cleveland (0-5) — We're already benching rookies? Really?
31. N.Y. Giants (0-5) — I mean... my God
32. San Francisco (0-5) — You didn't miss much, Mr. Vice-President... EXCEPT THE POINT

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