Sunday, November 20, 2016

By the Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Cut It Close

Is that Al? It is! Also different graphics so the NBC team is producing this one, I guess. Are the Buccaneers even wearing orange? Touchdown! Somebody missed a tackle. Nope, he’s down. THAT’S a touchdown. And so was THAT. A minute 49? OK. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. This will stand. I swear the Buccaneers have gotten worse this season. Then Ryan puts it on the turf. Can’t anybody snap the ball any more? Collinsworth can’t read the Bucs’ jersey numbers. Oh, man. This Perkins kid had three tries at that one and could not bring it in. The “Mercedes-Benz” Dome? Isn’t Mercedes-Benz already on the Superdome? That’s a good tackle to keep Freeman inbounds. And then Ryan gets sacked, so there’ll be no points on this drive. Halftime, 20-14 Falcons. I’d ask “How is THIS not a catch?” but who the hell knows anymore. Call stands. Julio Jones is heating up. Cris doesn’t sound convinced that that’s pass interference. Touchdown… the fullback? They still have those?

Look, you’re not going to convince me that firing Lovie Smith was a good decision. This game was good for a little while. Four touchdown passes tonight for Ryan.
(Falcons 43, Buccaneers 28)

Signal Finder: PIT @ BAL, PHI @ NYG, IND @ GB

Roethlisberger returns! And promptly goes three-and-out. The Ravens don’t fare much better. Steve Smith lives! I think this is only my first or second full Ravens game of the year somehow and I forgot they had Eric Weddle now. I’M MIKE WALLACE!! That’s not fair to Mitchell, man.


Steelers have not looked good in most phases so far. I mean, they just roughed the punter.
Breshad Perriman is finally in a game. Because Wallace is sick now, apparently? Offensive holding moves the Ravens back, then the Steelers have 12 men on the field on the field goal attempt. Still good. 10-0 Ravens. The second half opens with two flags. Wait, what? Flacco's knee brace broke? That's why Mallett's in. OK. Not even speeding the pace up is working for the Steelers. Ben just got tip-picked by a defensive lineman. No chance Tucker misses this. BLOCKED PUNT TOUCHDOWN. And the Ravens tack on an “F you, Steelers” two-point conversion. 21-0. If the back of the end zone doesn’t work, try the front, I guess. Brown grabs that one after the previous pass was broken up and the Steelers are on the board. So let me get this straight: the Steelers drove 87 yards in almost four minutes and got nothing out of it, then went 65 yards in 72 seconds for a touchdown? OK then. You can’t kick it twice! This is what they were going for:


Needless to say, that's not what they got. (Ravens 21, Steelers 14)

There’s a piano in the end zone. Oh, it’s Chick Corea. Cool. Order has been restored. Not sure what Wentz was trying to do there as Collins picks him off.


Eli needs to snap this ball. Touchdown Beckham as play action works. ANOTHER interception on another bad throw by Wentz. What’s going on here? OK, the Eagles clearly don’t have tape on whoever No. 82 is because they didn’t bother covering him. 14-0 Giants. Oh, hey, actual forward progress. Hey, a Bryce Treggs sighting. Have the Eagles called a run yet? Sproles gets stopped short. That’s a… very generous spot. Giants blew up that fake QB keeper on second down, which killed their chances at a touchdown.
Eagles settle for three, which doesn’t help matters. Hey, a stop. Smallwood with a nice run. Did Adams get a piece of that? Because that’s a touchdown if he hadn’t. Eagles going for a fourth and two after running on third and 5. That didn’t fool anyone. Good job by the defense to force another three-and-out. Treggs!! That’s why he’s finally active.


Then Mathews bounces a run outside for a touchdown as the Giants just gave up on it. Very strange. 14-10. I thought this was an interception at first, but now I don’t. We’ll see. Cruz again, and I’m surprised he hasn’t done more this season. That was a “delaying the inevitable” pass interference. And that’s the inevitable as Beckham outjumps McKelvin for the touchdown. McKelvin's having a bad game. SPROLES? Oh, he just barely got bumped out. Pederson going for another fourth and short and hopefully this play is better. No idea. Maybe not. No.
Two catches by Matthews. They didn’t have to go to the end zone on all three plays there. Field goal is BLOCKED! Then the Giants fumble it but get it back. Then they go for it on fourth and 3, which is probably correct. Eli overthrew a wide-open Beckham. Trey Burton making moves. Sproles is the Eagles’ best running back and I’m not sure how close it is. Agholor! Touchdown Barner! Not enough to overturn that, either. Jennings momentarily alleviating the Giants’ struggles running the ball. Tough catch by Beckham. Terrible hold by Jenkins as his man scores.


Well, there was a "Rocky" earlier, so. Beckham takes a helmet-to-helmet hit. Now we’ve got a confrontation and Bradham gets slapped for 15 yards for a slap. This is a pointless challenge -- that ball was never caught. I guess the Eagles think Vaitai can take care of himself now as they’re throwing to Ertz again. And again. At least he’s catching it. More Sproles, too. Field goal is good and somehow this is a one-score game. Wait, are they saying Carroll took the ball out of Beckham’s hands? They called it an interception?
Wow. Call STANDS. Eagles ball! And as Buck explained, if it had been ruled catch-fumble, Beckham was clearly down by contact and it would have been reversed. This Wentz read option isn’t working. Not the best throw by Wentz to Agholor, who didn’t catch it. Pederson now going on fourth and 9 from midfield and Joe and Troy are apoplectic. Matthews! I actually agree with the decision -- if they punt, they may not get the ball back because it would give the Giants more field to run out the clock with. If they don't make it and they get a stop, the Giants are faced with the exact same decision. Agholor almost fumbles it away. A field goal pays off the decision to go for it, though a touchdown would have been optimal. Still, this is somehow a one-score game.


INTERCEPTION! Barwin tipped it and Hicks came up with it. Why in God’s name did the Giants throw the ball there? Agholor with a tough catch. Yes, you heard that right. And… nope. That’s a tough throw and catch to make. All of that sucked. (Giants 28, Eagles 23)

SPECIAL TEAMS! Colts are on the board immediately. Ty Montgomery just took a handoff 15 yards right through these dudes. Colts excelling in coverage like always. But they get a sack and hold the Packers to three. Crosby missed? Oh. Gore! 14-3 Colts. Packers have a new punter? Hm. Off-balance throw by Luck gets picked off.


Touchdown Nelson, and what a catch. The Packers’ kickoff coverage is… struggling. That was Viniatieri’s first field goal at Lambeau, which is both surprising and not.
Two Rodgers deep balls draw no blood or yardage. Clinton-Dix is having a half. Two picks and that sack so far. Moncrief! Found the corner and it’s 21-10 Colts going in to halftime. So many flags. That’s what I’m thinking on that fumble… Davis was out of bounds before he knocked the ball back in, so there’s no recovery. And after all that, Rodgers throws a pick in the end zone -- but offsetting penalties cancels it out. And after all that, Rodgers gets intercepted by Mike Adams. Squirrels? Good thing Drew never had a football team.

That pitch to Montgomery was the longest I've ever seen a shovel pass travel in the air. So much open field for Rodgers to run and frolic in. How do you allow that? Touchdown Cobb! Colts need to kill as much time as possible. Clutch catch by Doyle. Third and 2 and a pass? Hilton! That'll do it. (Colts 31, Packers 26)

Cooper! Gotta keep your feet, Roberts. Couple bad drops for the Broncos on that series. Von Miller just destroyed the right tackle. Straight-up killed him.
The Broncos miss C.J. Anderson so far -- their offense has yet to do anything substantial. Well, Austin Howard’s already been replaced. Raiders driving again. Murray gets stuffed once. Then he gets in after Al was sure he hadn’t. Another nothing drive from the Broncos. This is not a nothing drive. Who’s 35? Touchdown Jordan Norwood and the Broncos are on the board. Then the Raiders come back with a big Murray catch and run. That’s not interference? Seabass misses from 48. Not great. Yeah, they’re not staying in Oakland. Shocking development: A Raiders penalty cost them a touchdown. So they just go and get another one. That's good punt coverage. Touchback? OK. NOT a touchback? Wow. Good job by the Broncos getting a field goal after all that. The Bay Bridge gets overlooked. Clutch catch by Crabtree to preserve the field goal opportunity, even if his helmet did vanish. Kick is good. I mean, that’s definitely a fumble, but who’s got it? It’s Raiders ball. INTERCEPTION. Or not. That’s a late flag for pass interference. The one on Harris was more clear cut. Weird to see the Raiders taking advantage of penalties for once. Touchdown Murray!

Jesus, this run by Bibbs. TOUCHDOWN. Murray run seals it. Fred Biletnikoff! Al and Cris reminiscing now. Collinsworth’s point got obscured by the Bibbs touchdown, but he’s right: the Broncos got beat up tonight. This is the Raiders’ biggest win in, what, 12 years? It’s been a long time. (Raiders 30, Broncos 20)

BLOCKED PUNT. Sweet. That took exactly as long as it should have. Surprisingly fast start. Lot of running on this drive by the Bills. There’s a pass and a touchdown. Seahawks got lucky that Lockett was able to escape and not get dropped for a loss. THAT CATCH BY GRAHAM THOUGH. Touchdown Seahawks. Oh, no Chancellor? No wonder the Seahawks’ defense looks so ordinary tonight. Taylor’s strolling down the field. Percy Harvin’s back? And against the Seahawks? Rex did that on purpose. Sack by Clark ends this drive. Field goal is good. Hey, a stop. That’s a nice block on the Lockett punt return. The Bills are challenging the spot and this will be close. They win the challenge. I personally would not have overturned that. Wilson determined to make it irrelevant. Did Michael just pirouette into the end zone? He sure did, and the Bills defender kind of gave up on it. Seahawks lead. Avril needs to stop whining about being held. It’s not going to work. Graham doing things. TOUCHDOWN GRAHAM! How did he not drop that? That’s nuts. I’m not sure what Bush was thinking there. Why waste time running across the field to get to the sideline? He’d have actually been better off dropping the pass. Rex is NOT happy. McDonough: “Oh boy, are they offside.” What the hell, Sherman? That should be Roughing the Kicker. OH MY GOD. Because the trainers came onto the field, Carpenter has to sit out the next play?! Ref: “The half is not over!” Now the Bills are going to quick-spike it so Carpenter can come back out and kick. DELAY OF GAME. Now they have to kick it AGAIN. NO GOOD. 28-17 Seahawks at halftime.


That's from a man who knows. That’s really disingenuous, Pete. That’s why everyone hates your team. Also, there’s THIS:


Can’t throw that pass, Tyrod. Can’t. Sherman will still eat you alive. It’s like that end of the half sequence drained all the spark out of this game. Sometimes you gotta just walk away, Woods. Bills stay driving but don’t score before the quarter ends, ending a streak of some kind. Gillislee vultures a touchdown. Bills planning to go for two here -- a bit early -- but their center’s hurt. I’d kick it now. Bills still go for two. Taylor draw and he gets popped. Did he make it? They say he did and replay agrees. Full House Backfield! Twice! I’m surprised the Bills are running so much without their center. And I’m really surprised they’re punting here with 3:26 left. Please reference the argument I made for the Eagles not doing this yesterday. Well, they’ll get the ball back, actually. That’s a hell of a punt. TAYLOR! We’ve had so few good games this year, I’m surprised this turned out to be one of them. Bills called one too many runs on this drive. Fourth down! NOPE. (Seahawks 31, Bills 25)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (7-1): I mean…
2. Dallas (7-1): Practically a week off
3. Oakland (7-2): The echoes are awakened
4. Denver (6-3): Looks like it’ll be even harder this time around

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (2-6): What even is the plan here?
30. Jacksonville (2-6): Again: They really should be better than this
31. San Francisco (1-7): I can’t see Chip abandoning ship just yet
32. Cleveland (0-9): The Cavaliers did nothing wrong


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