Ah, the classics. Even these Color Rushes are acceptable. Hoyer just took a shot. Make a decision, Devante. 4th and 3? OK. Crosby kick is good. CHEESE B-ROLL. PRAISE BE.
There is no way for us to capture that Phil redzone rant. #CHIvsGB— Phil Simms Quotes (@philsimmsquotes) October 21, 2016
I can't process that either, folks. Nantz pointing out how Lacy's extended absence is a problem here. What the hell? A handoff to Ty Montgomery? They'd have been better off rolling out Rodgers. This ref's like, “Someone want to tell me what's going on?” Cutler's done here, right? Like, the Bears may as well start tanking for Deshaun Watson, Chad Kelly or Brad Kaaya, right? Hoyer just hit his arm on a Packer's head while throwing a pass.
3-0 more than midway through the second quarter and Matt Barkley just took the field.— Chris Burke (@ChrisBurke_SI) October 21, 2016
Thursday Night Football!
It's Matt Barkley time, y'all! That's a good run by KaDeem Carey. No Kyle Long, either? I mean, yes, throw it to Alshon Jeffrey. Next week: Jaguars-Titans. “Exclusively on NFL Network.” Because the over-the-air channels looked at that game and were like, “You cannot be serious.” I don't even know if Nantz and Simms will be doing that game -- they might have pawned it off on Tirico. The Bears are driving! Field goal is good and we're tied 3-3. That's a bad sack. It's clear that talent is what's keeping the Packers afloat. Also, on this drive anyway, pass interference. Cobb?!? No. Second foot's out. Crosby makes it 6-3.
Rodgers has 30 pass attempts and it's halftime. Wait, what? That just happened? Rodgers gets sacked again, fumbles, and it's touchdown Bears. It's weird to see Packers receivers not getting away from defenders. And it's also weird that we have these conversations during successful, functional Packers drives. So this one's close, I guess. They called it a catch does his hand come off the ball? Refs say no. Call stands. SICK catch by Adams for the touchdown. Yeah, Barkley's knee is pretty clearly down. Third and 29? Grand. Montgomery is the Packers No. 1 running back. This is where they are.
So like did Aaron Rodgers accidentally buy a cursed amulet or something?— Hannah Hart (@harto) October 21, 2016
Rodgers has 30 pass attempts and it's halftime. Wait, what? That just happened? Rodgers gets sacked again, fumbles, and it's touchdown Bears. It's weird to see Packers receivers not getting away from defenders. And it's also weird that we have these conversations during successful, functional Packers drives. So this one's close, I guess. They called it a catch does his hand come off the ball? Refs say no. Call stands. SICK catch by Adams for the touchdown. Yeah, Barkley's knee is pretty clearly down. Third and 29? Grand. Montgomery is the Packers No. 1 running back. This is where they are.
Touchdown Packers and somebody screwed up. Did the Bears three-and-out again? Jeez.
Good news, everyone: The Bears are on Monday Night Football next week.— Andrew Zuckerman (@A_Zuckerman) October 21, 2016
Now Cobb's taking handoffs. These dudes are handing off to wide receivers and controlling the clock while doing it. That one will count. Touchdown Cobb. This isn't going well for our old friend Mr. Barkley. He just threw a ball that got deflected and intercepted, and the guy who picked it off thought he was down before stumbling around for 10 seconds. (Packers 26, Bears 10)
It’s not even Thursday night in London. Stop being lazy, NFL Network. If you’re a fan in Los Angeles, how motivated are you to get up at 6 a.m. to catch the kickoff of this game?
This is the first London game not at Wembley Stadium -- this is Twickenham, which is rugby Mecca in England. Landon Collins intercepts passes? This is a… laborious return. He’s faster than I expected but still not all that fast. Touchdown, eventually. Hey, Rashad Jennings is back. Another Collins interception, this one off a deflection. That’s a big-time catch by Beckham. Jennings has struggled today, but he powers in for the touchdown and the Giants take the lead. Austin somehow escapes a tackle and picks up a critical first down.
America: "Hey, England, soccer is boring. Here, watch the Rams and Giants."— Chris Burke (@ChrisBurke_SI) October 23, 2016
This is the first London game not at Wembley Stadium -- this is Twickenham, which is rugby Mecca in England. Landon Collins intercepts passes? This is a… laborious return. He’s faster than I expected but still not all that fast. Touchdown, eventually. Hey, Rashad Jennings is back. Another Collins interception, this one off a deflection. That’s a big-time catch by Beckham. Jennings has struggled today, but he powers in for the touchdown and the Giants take the lead. Austin somehow escapes a tackle and picks up a critical first down.
Keenum throws a floater and it’s intercepted. On the next possession, Quick loses his footing and costs the Rams at least a first down.
Then he bails Keenum out on 4th and 10 by elevating to keep this drive going. Has every one of Keenum’s throws on this drive been high? There’s only 50 seconds left? Well, that explains why the Rams keep throwing. (They also only have one time out left.) What happened there? Looks like Keenum and Quick got their signals crossed, and DRC practically fields a punt in the end zone to put an end to this charade. Rich Eisen: “I will call this a recap.” (Giants 17, Rams 10)
Fisher passed on three fourth-and-shorts in Giants territory. Now forced to go for 4th and 10— Gregg Rosenthal (@greggrosenthal) October 23, 2016
Then he bails Keenum out on 4th and 10 by elevating to keep this drive going. Has every one of Keenum’s throws on this drive been high? There’s only 50 seconds left? Well, that explains why the Rams keep throwing. (They also only have one time out left.) What happened there? Looks like Keenum and Quick got their signals crossed, and DRC practically fields a punt in the end zone to put an end to this charade. Rich Eisen: “I will call this a recap.” (Giants 17, Rams 10)
Signal Finder: MIN @ PHI, IND @ TEN (end), NE @ PIT
Black jerseys? OK. Green-Beckham didn’t see that, I’m sure. Brennaman just called out Aikman for passing on Vaitai’s name already. And on the other side, Asiata’s not really a pass-catcher. The Eagles damn near blocked that punt. Way to sell that, punter. Three more plays and let’s try this again. A bad read by Wentz -- nobody over there was open -- leads to an interception. Neither quarterback has been particularly accurate so far. Then Bradford throws an interception right to McLeod.
THEN Wentz fumbles a handoff and the Vikings kick it back 10 yards before finally falling on it. Now is THIS a fumble?!? What’s going on here? The penalty’s on the Vikings, but will it even count if this is an incomplete pass? OK. So it’s a fumble, Eagles ball, Jenkins was down, and they’ll get it at their own 39 after the penalty. Dat banjo music. Rhodes dives and picks off Wentz. That’s, what, five turnovers in the last nine or so plays? (Twelve, actually.)
Hey, an earned first down! That was probably a violation of some sort. Oh man, Ron Brooks being carted off. Are the Eagles… driving? This drive started at the 1. Man, Wentz missed Ertz and didn’t see Celek, who was even more open. Then he overthrew Agholor by 10 yards. Pretzel B-roll? That’s new. I didn’t realize the Vikings have lost, like, five offensive tackles. Walsh in to kick and this isn’t guaranteed. Good. 3-0 Vikings. HUFF!! That’s two weeks in a row for SPECIAL TEAMS.
The Vikings ran into the kicker on the extra point. Eagles going for two now? Interesting. Wentz gets it with the keeper. Ohhh McKelvin almost had a pick-six on that one if that bounces differently. That’s a sweet throw by Bradford to 19. Fumble! Eagles ball! Eagles going for it on 4th and 2 from the Vikings 46. Twice. Wentz almost drops the snap but still scrambles for the first down. How is that not a flag unless that ball was uncatchable?
Mathews! Now they’re in the red zone. They’re kicking it now? Hm. I’d have taken another shot into the end zone here. It’s only second down. And they are after the time out. Also incomplete. Now they kick it. So much college football pettiness in the booth right now. 11-3 at the half. Mike Trout in the house. Finally, a pass interference flag. Then a nice catch-and-run by Mathews stands after the flag is on the Vikings. THEN Wentz almost drops another snap but finds Sproles for a good gain. Wentz and Kelce need to have a conversation. They gave Green-Beckham that? OK, sure. Yeah, ball breaks the plane. Count it. Bradford was lucky Hicks only deflected that and didn’t intercept it. Can’t give up 29 yards on a 3rd-and-long draw. Weird to give it to a fullback on 3rd down there. Fourth down and I think they got it. And I’m wrong! Turnover on downs. Three and out, but the Eagles get it back after the Vikings fumble the punt return.
Why does the on-field down and distance graphic say 2nd and 43? This will also be close. First down? Fine. 4th and 1 and the Eagles will kick this here. It’s good and it’s a hard 21. The thing is, Troy, Bradford doesn’t throw deep. Mathews has to not fumble. FOUR sacks? Brandon Graham’s been feasting today. Shaun Hill’s on the field. Touchdown Vikings after what seemed like five tries. So much for that. (Eagles 21, Vikings 10)
Brandon Graham absolutely smoked the RT. Set up that pick.— Jimmy Kempski (@JimmyKempski) October 23, 2016
THEN Wentz fumbles a handoff and the Vikings kick it back 10 yards before finally falling on it. Now is THIS a fumble?!? What’s going on here? The penalty’s on the Vikings, but will it even count if this is an incomplete pass? OK. So it’s a fumble, Eagles ball, Jenkins was down, and they’ll get it at their own 39 after the penalty. Dat banjo music. Rhodes dives and picks off Wentz. That’s, what, five turnovers in the last nine or so plays? (Twelve, actually.)
I feel like the Eagles and the Vikings should be allowed to start over.— Dan Graziano (@DanGrazianoESPN) October 23, 2016
Hey, an earned first down! That was probably a violation of some sort. Oh man, Ron Brooks being carted off. Are the Eagles… driving? This drive started at the 1. Man, Wentz missed Ertz and didn’t see Celek, who was even more open. Then he overthrew Agholor by 10 yards. Pretzel B-roll? That’s new. I didn’t realize the Vikings have lost, like, five offensive tackles. Walsh in to kick and this isn’t guaranteed. Good. 3-0 Vikings. HUFF!! That’s two weeks in a row for SPECIAL TEAMS.
The Eagles have 21 non-offensive TDs since 2014. Most in NFL.— Zach Berman (@ZBerm) October 23, 2016
The Vikings ran into the kicker on the extra point. Eagles going for two now? Interesting. Wentz gets it with the keeper. Ohhh McKelvin almost had a pick-six on that one if that bounces differently. That’s a sweet throw by Bradford to 19. Fumble! Eagles ball! Eagles going for it on 4th and 2 from the Vikings 46. Twice. Wentz almost drops the snap but still scrambles for the first down. How is that not a flag unless that ball was uncatchable?
I guess both teams are benefiting from the repeal of the pass interference rule— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) October 23, 2016
Mathews! Now they’re in the red zone. They’re kicking it now? Hm. I’d have taken another shot into the end zone here. It’s only second down. And they are after the time out. Also incomplete. Now they kick it. So much college football pettiness in the booth right now. 11-3 at the half. Mike Trout in the house. Finally, a pass interference flag. Then a nice catch-and-run by Mathews stands after the flag is on the Vikings. THEN Wentz almost drops another snap but finds Sproles for a good gain. Wentz and Kelce need to have a conversation. They gave Green-Beckham that? OK, sure. Yeah, ball breaks the plane. Count it. Bradford was lucky Hicks only deflected that and didn’t intercept it. Can’t give up 29 yards on a 3rd-and-long draw. Weird to give it to a fullback on 3rd down there. Fourth down and I think they got it. And I’m wrong! Turnover on downs. Three and out, but the Eagles get it back after the Vikings fumble the punt return.
Vikings playing like West Canaan the night after they unexpectedly ran into the teacher.— Jon Krawczynski (@APkrawczynski) October 23, 2016
Why does the on-field down and distance graphic say 2nd and 43? This will also be close. First down? Fine. 4th and 1 and the Eagles will kick this here. It’s good and it’s a hard 21. The thing is, Troy, Bradford doesn’t throw deep. Mathews has to not fumble. FOUR sacks? Brandon Graham’s been feasting today. Shaun Hill’s on the field. Touchdown Vikings after what seemed like five tries. So much for that. (Eagles 21, Vikings 10)
A.J. Green catches a Hail Mary in traffic at halftime. The Browns, man. Also, Kessler’s concussed, so he’s out.
Kevin Hogan made a roster? (Bengals 31, Browns 17)
Six people have taken snaps at QB for the Browns this year. It is Week 7.— Michael Silver (@MikeSilver) October 23, 2016
Kevin Hogan made a roster? (Bengals 31, Browns 17)
The Colts, of course, are driving. Because they’re playing the Titans. Man, don’t spike the ball in the field of play. The Colts keep screwing themselves out of these situations.
Touchdown Colts! Still plenty of time left. Mariota fumbles and Robert Mathis picks it up and scores. This one’s over now. Um, why are the Titans kicking a field goal? I mean, I know why, but… why? Onside kick attempt goes out of bounds, which seems fitting. (Colts 34, Titans 26)
Colts drive: TD wiped off by illegal shift on Frank Gore, throw inside the five to Devin Street pushed back when Street spikes after catch.— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) October 23, 2016
Touchdown Colts! Still plenty of time left. Mariota fumbles and Robert Mathis picks it up and scores. This one’s over now. Um, why are the Titans kicking a field goal? I mean, I know why, but… why? Onside kick attempt goes out of bounds, which seems fitting. (Colts 34, Titans 26)
I’m Sorry You Had To See That: Geno’s hurt? Crap. Fitzpatrick’s back in? Christ. How were neither Petty or Hackenberg active? That’s just stupid. This result doesn’t say a whole lot for the Ravens. (Jets 24, Ravens 16)
So in addition to Roethlisberger, DeAngelo Williams is also out. Bell’s gonna get 65 carries. There’s one and he fumbled it but got it back. But it’s the Patriots who turn it over first -- Chris Hogan fumbled and Jarvis Jones recovers.
"Landry Jones is probably the most prepared and season backup QB in the league!" - Next play, we can't make this up... interception #NEvsPIT— Phil Simms Quotes (@philsimmsquotes) October 23, 2016
I mean, right into coverage. Interception in the end zone. Welcome, Jaguars viewers! Nice work by White to keep both feet inbounds on that catch. Brady running! Touchdown White. I don’t think the Steelers are going to win this challenge. Well, now that we’ve seen it at full speed again, maybe they will. Who knows anymore? Call stands. Fine. Touchdown Blount. Did DHB get both feet down? He did! And it wasn’t actually that close. Touchdown Steelers! Bell’s really going to have to carry the Steelers today. That’s a late hit. He’s already wrapped up. Another touchdown for Heyward-Bey? Seriously? Oh, no, offensive holding. Field goal is… NOT good.
Send Gostkowski back to the Westworld warehouse for repairs.— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) October 23, 2016
That was also odd. It’s like Bolden tried to catch it but it hit him instead. They’re reversing this ruling and calling it a touchback. Why run the ball here? This actually turned into a nice two-minute drill. Landry got real lucky there. Boswell on to kick. It’s good. 14-10 Patriots at the half. Reverse! Bell with 100 total yards and I was sure he’d have to get there sooner than this. Another field goal by Boswell and it’s 14-13. I’m surprised this game is close considering Cameron Heyward, Markus Wheaton and Marcus Gilbert are also out in addition to Ben. Big run by Blount. GRONK. Another Gostkowski miss? Is this the beginning of the end? Bell continues to do work. Brown’s going to the locker room?
Antonio Brown fantasy owners like pic.twitter.com/XkqHClFRSq— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) October 23, 2016
Another field goal. 20-16. Another big play by Gronk, who does this against the Steelers a lot. And there’s another Blount touchdown. Edelman fumbles the punt return… Steelers recover! Oh, he just lost it. This 4th and 2 is a tough decision. Boswell’s career long is 51, this is 54. Nope. I might have gone for it. (Patriots 27, Steelers 16)
Remember when the Chargers couldn’t win these games? That was, what, three weeks ago? (Chargers 33, Falcons 30, OT)
No Chancellor for the second straight week. Doesn’t seem to matter so far. The Cardinals still need wins. That’s a good punt.
linemen aren't famous. i get that. but who are those dudes blocking for seattle?— El Flaco (@bomani_jones) October 24, 2016
Field goal is blocked. Absolutely nothing went right for the Cardinals there… the kick got blocked, and Wagner’s penalty wasn’t called and can’t be reviewed, and Arians tried to challenge it and it cost him a time out.
I'm... not sure that's true? OK, moving on. Silly Collinsworth, the NFL doesn’t give a rat’s ass about player safety. The Seahawks have literally done nothing on offense so far. Cardinals are just riding Johnson so far. Finally, some points. No play clock graphic? This is taking a long time.
In #SEAvsAZ you have to land on the player for it to be a foul. The block was legal.— Dean Blandino (@DeanBlandino) October 24, 2016
I'm... not sure that's true? OK, moving on. Silly Collinsworth, the NFL doesn’t give a rat’s ass about player safety. The Seahawks have literally done nothing on offense so far. Cardinals are just riding Johnson so far. Finally, some points. No play clock graphic? This is taking a long time.
This Seahawks offense can do nothing right. Or even nothing wrong. Feels like they’ve been in more than their share of 3rd and long tonight. The only people worth watching tonight are Johnson and Chandler Jones. They just showed Johnson’s wife in the stands for some reason, and that reason is she’s a dead ringer for Maria Sharapova. Collinsworth noting that Wilson’s been mostly stationary tonight. Wilson caught his own pass, then goes down and I assume the ball came out. Yeah, but it appears the Seahawks got it back, but it’s fourth down.
That blown TO would come in handy about now for #AZCardinals— Kent Somers (@kentsomers) October 24, 2016
Thomas almost scored what could have been possibly this game’s only touchdown. Just punt this shit, Cardinals. God, more sloppiness. Fumbled snap but the Seahawks get it back at their own 2. Chandler Jones again. The Seahawks cannot afford to lose any offensive linemen. BLOCKED PUNT. This is the first time the Seahawks have been across the 50 tonight. Yeah, Baldwin didn’t catch that. Field goal is… good. We’re tied, which no one wanted. Cliff Avril doing his best Chandler Jones impression tonight. Palmer should have fumbled that. That’s the first play Michael Floyd’s made all year. (Seriously. Dude’s been invisible.)
Cardinals need a good punt here. They don’t get it, but Tyler Lockett strangely didn’t call for a fair catch and somehow escaped with his life. Offensive holding? Christ. And then again? Might as well just stick the ball in the turf. The Cardinals are eating their time outs, which Collinsworth doesn’t agree with because he wants to go home too.
Cardinals get the ball first. Floyd! Those are his first two important catches this year. But that won’t be a third. Field goal is good and now the Seahawks can tie or win. Jimmy Graham lives! Man, if they ever figure out how to get him into the offense. They’re going to kick a field goal, aren’t they? Yep. 6-6. Ifeyani Momah lives! Sherman tackled Fitzgerald and got away with it. J.J. Nelson! They’re saying Johnson didn’t get in? I’d have waited for a review on that, myself. Then he gets stuffed on the next play. Now they’re kicking it. HE HIT THE UPRIGHT. NO GOOD.
Kearse! Finally the Seahawks hit something down the field. Now Baldwin makes a big play, avoiding a tackle and getting inside the 10. HAUSCHKA MISSES. God.
Even Michele Tafoya couldn’t believe it. Watch her when they show Carroll’s reaction again. Hail Mary time! NOPE. That… was appropriate. Also, we have a tie within a division, which is bonkers. Michele’s interviewing Bobby Wagner because I suppose they had to interview somebody.
man at least that one Pittsburgh 3-0 game had an excuse being played on a soupy field in shit weather.— Tom Turkey (@tholzerman) October 24, 2016
What do the Cards and Seahawks have?
Cardinals need a good punt here. They don’t get it, but Tyler Lockett strangely didn’t call for a fair catch and somehow escaped with his life. Offensive holding? Christ. And then again? Might as well just stick the ball in the turf. The Cardinals are eating their time outs, which Collinsworth doesn’t agree with because he wants to go home too.
For those wondering...— Law Murray ⛓ (@LawMurrayTheNU) October 24, 2016
The only tie in Sunday primetime game: 1997, when Gus Frerotte gave himself a concussion: https://t.co/T8Ljt1wwLs
Cardinals get the ball first. Floyd! Those are his first two important catches this year. But that won’t be a third. Field goal is good and now the Seahawks can tie or win. Jimmy Graham lives! Man, if they ever figure out how to get him into the offense. They’re going to kick a field goal, aren’t they? Yep. 6-6. Ifeyani Momah lives! Sherman tackled Fitzgerald and got away with it. J.J. Nelson! They’re saying Johnson didn’t get in? I’d have waited for a review on that, myself. Then he gets stuffed on the next play. Now they’re kicking it. HE HIT THE UPRIGHT. NO GOOD.
Screw it. End in a tie.— Chris Barnewall (@ChrisBarnewall) October 24, 2016
Kearse! Finally the Seahawks hit something down the field. Now Baldwin makes a big play, avoiding a tackle and getting inside the 10. HAUSCHKA MISSES. God.
Of course. That's the kick this game deserves.— scott pianowski (@scott_pianowski) October 24, 2016
Even Michele Tafoya couldn’t believe it. Watch her when they show Carroll’s reaction again. Hail Mary time! NOPE. That… was appropriate. Also, we have a tie within a division, which is bonkers. Michele’s interviewing Bobby Wagner because I suppose they had to interview somebody.
So no one wins, which feels right.— Dan Graziano (@DanGrazianoESPN) October 24, 2016
This is the best day of my life.— NFL Tie Games (@nfltiegames) October 24, 2016
I'm not even sure what I just watched #SEAvsAZ— Christian Manzella (@cmanzella) October 24, 2016
(Seahawks 6, Cardinals 6, OT)
Osweiler greeted with a cacophony of boos. This is basically Vikings-Eagles, isn’t it? Hopkins just straight up drops it. Welcome back, Coach. Lots of misses so far in the passing game for both teams. Did Osweiler’s hand get hit on the throw again? This is one hell of an injury.
air casts on both legs???— El Flaco (@bomani_jones) October 25, 2016
Hey, progress. 6-0 Texans and the Broncos haven’t done much. C.J. Anderson’s down? Seems like there have been a ton of injuries this week. The Texans are playing some dangerously soft coverage on these Broncos receivers. Not sure that’s the best idea against a young quarterback. Anderson’s back to score a touchdown. That’s a poor route by Fuller and great pressure by Von Miller. Free play! Incomplete. Again, I don’t like this soft coverage on these Bronco receivers. Oh wait, that was just somebody screwing up. Touchdown Thomas.
watt is hurt and osweiler is a bust. absolute worst case scenario for 2016 if you're the texans.— El Flaco (@bomani_jones) October 25, 2016
yet they lead the afc south, win or lose.
Osweiler just ran through a blitz and got the first down. Then Blue fumbles right to a Bronco. I mean, the ball came out and went right into 51’s hands. LOL at Kareem Jackson trying to signal incomplete when Sanders clearly caught it inbounds. Touchdown Booker. Wait, that was a fumble? I don’t get that at all. So they’re saying he didn’t have control of the ball when his arm came forward, which, y’know, I can accept. That’s a key stop for the Texans. Bad drop by Thomas. What is this, last year’s playoffs? I think we’re seeing why the Broncos were… hesitant… to make Osweiler an offer. Newton may have torn both patellar tendons? Fuck. That’s awful. Does McDonough mean what I think he means when he says “enjoy Colorado”? (Broncos 27, Texans 9)
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (6-1): And the roll continues
2. Dallas (5-1): Still waiting on Romo
3. Minnesota (5-2): Beaten and beaten up
4. Seattle (4-2-1): Took a tough loss
BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (2-4): We’re going to need more than this, people
30. Chicago (1-6): That didn’t go so well, either
31. San Francisco (1-6): Chip may end up back in Oregon at this rate
32. Cleveland (0-7): Seriously, they may call Andrew Miller next
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