Thursday, January 21, 2016

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Lines in the FieldTurf

Seven defensive backs and NOT ONE of them can cover Gronk. Splendid. Also, how did Brady not get sacked there? I almost feel like you need to bring weapons against him. Like, actual weapons. Touchdown Gronk and Sean Smith doesn't know what happened.


Have we figured out what happened to Maclin yet? The Chiefs have burned two time outs already? Andy Reid, ladies and gentlemen!


Sweet toss play off the fake to pick up that 3rd and 4. Let's see if Fouts is right. Nope, straight drop-back that wasn't close to being catchable. So we'll kick a field goal then. Oh, Maclin did come back in. Good. We need to discuss how close that was to a pick-six by the Chiefs. It bounced off Edelman's hands and then Smith dropped it. Hey, a third-down stop, finally.


Right? The Chiefs ought to be mad. That was unnecessary and dirty. And of course, because they're the Patriots, it doesn't matter. Brady drops one into Keshawn Martin's bucket for 42 yards. That hit on Brady was also a little late. Stephen Jackson's still alive? BRADY RUNNING. That's not a touchdown. Paid a price for nothing. Seriously, boo all you want, it's not a touchdown. That, however, is. Jason Avant's still in the league?


Supreme goal-line run by the Chiefs here. Why did the Patriots call time out? They just let the Chiefs off the hook. Field goal is good. 14-6 at the half. Is it just me or have the Chiefs run six plays and made zero progress? I know they had that penalty, but did they move the ball at all? This is better. The thing about the Chiefs switching their running game after Charles went down is that Davis is a fumbler who fumbles, and they knew that. ON CUE. Is that the first Masters promo of the year? Seems... early, actually. Who throws a pass to that part of the field? Great catch, Edelman. Wait, what? Yeah, I thought his knee hit first anyway, too. Somehow, Gronk got completely open. Oh, Brady pump-faked Berry out of his cleats, that's what happened. This game's over.


Four yards per attempt for Smith? Yuck. Then THAT happened. Ducked four guys and found Avant, who had to elevate to even have a chance to catch it. The Chiefs dodged a bullet there — half a second later and that's picked off. This is the right decision on 4th and 3 because the Chiefs have to score a touchdown. So did they take the penalty or not? No matter. Touchdown Chiefs. They should have gone for two there, right? Now the Patriots are playing the long game, bleeding the Chiefs dry on this drive. White! That ending in a field goal is almost disappointing. That probably isn't a catch but who knows. I will say this challenge is petty as hell, which is par for the course with Belichick. Eagle: "Even when they lose, they win." And that's why everyone hates the Patriots. That's not grounding?


Why aren't the Chiefs using their time outs? Then Wilson somehow gets wide open and doesn't immediately go out of bounds (and didn't reach the end zone on top of it.) Good Lord, they're HUDDLING. Even the French can't believe it:


That's pass interference. Touchdown West but it's too late. Onside kick right to Gronk. That bounce is the other reason everybody hates the Patriots. (Patriots 27, Chiefs 20)

Wait, does Phoenix have subways? Did Veldheer just shout out Hillsdale? And now we're talking about Palmer's finger while the camera is centered directly on his ass. David Johnson's almost been the Cardinals' best player this last month. Palmer just got blown up on that sack. That's a good catch by Michael Floyd if he actually got his feet in. He did. Touchdown Cardinals.

They just gave Rodgers 20 yards. Another Rodgers free play? How did Cobb catch that in coverage? He wasn't open at all! It won't count, though? There were three flags down there. So the Packers shifted illegally because the Cardinals had 12 men on the field? That tracks. I feel like all of these deep cut Packers receivers went to Wisconsin.


That's not a good throw, Aaron. So none of that will count. LOL at Arians' reaction. Yeah. that's against the rules. And all that will get the Packers only three points. The Cardinals have so much speed, man. And guys who can go up and make plays. I miss that. No Cobb? That's a real problem for the Packers.


These dudes are making catches, though. Can't deny it.


That kid's a Packers fan in disguise. And again the Packers can't make the end zone. Strange throw by Rodgers. Maybe not as blatantly bad as the one that Peterson picked that didn't count, but maybe a little less explainable .Then Palmer chucks one into double coverage and Clinton-Dix picks it off. That'll stand. Yep. BIG run by Lacy through the middle of the Cardinals' defense. Rodgers could have taken off and run that one to the left side. The Cardinals can't contain him. He had a week to throw that pass. Packers lead. Pretty sure that Fitzgerald catch was the Cardinals' longest play of the night. That's an... odd rule. Collinsworth calls it the "Hines Ward" rule which I guess makes sense. So what are we looking at here? Control? I mean, I can't overturn this. Brown! That's another bad pass by Palmer and that cost them at least three points.


Now the Cardinals need a stop. That won't do it. Huh? Oh, that's definitely not a catch. That stretch by Fitzgerald may not have been the smartest move. Never challenge spots. Oh, OK. (They didn't have to.) Hey, a Johnson run. They haven't had one of those all night. Good job by Brown to come back and help Palmer out. Wow, Palmer just almost threw another terrible interception. They gotta dial this game plan back. They clearly don't listen to me. Johnson made a crazy catch... and got the first down by the tip of the ball! Not even the whole nose. THE TIP. Tipped... TOUCHDOWN FLOYD!


You know you haven't had a good night when you're left shaking your head after throwing a touchdown pass. This extra point is NOT a lock. Got it. Know also that the Packers only have one time out left. That might have been interference but the official would never have seen it. This is now the Eagles-Saints playoff game from several years back where the Eagles were down 4 late at a similar spot on the field and also punted. Why in God's name did the Cardinals just throw a pass? That guarantees the Packers will get the ball back. Field goal is good and it's 20-13. Freeney with a sack! OK, that's interference but Jeff Janus is never getting that call. BUT HE CAUGHT THAT ONE. (And I didn't even spell the man's name correctly. It's J-A-N-I-S. My humblest apologies.) Wait, why are they running a play here? Spike it, you fools! The packers weren't set. Jesus Christ, McCarthy.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

DID HE HOLD ON?




The throw is ridiculous. TOUCHDOWN!!!! And HOW DO YOU LET THAT HAPPEN TWICE?


Arians didn't really cover himself in glory in these last three minutes. Even LeBron's taking shots:


Then the coin doesn't actually flip on the overtime coin toss. Cris: "Come on, Al. How long you been doing this?" That slo-mo on the coin flip replay though.


And then the Packers' defense completely shuts down. Palmer bumps into his own man, throws across the field and across his body (the throw they tell you NEVER to make), and no one is covering Fitzgerald, who almost scores. And the he DOES score on a shovel pass, of all things.


Insane. (Cardinals 26, Packers 20, OT)

Turf issue? What? I missed the beginning of that. THAT'LL get the juices flowing. And his backup won't get another carry for a while after that. Even Newton's getting into the act. Touchdown Stewart and that drive was just four punches to the face. It's also Lynch's first game back in a while, and his first carry... didn't go as well. Then Wilson gets pressured into an interception that Keuchly brings back for a touchdown. That's... not much better, Seahawks. You guys awake yet?


I think they're discussing who moved first. Oh, they got Blind Side. OK. The Seahawks chose wrong and left Olsen far too open than he should be. Give it up, Sherman. The play's over. There's Dickson open over the middle. Touchdown Stewart. This got ugly fast.


Another pick? Oh boy. This is Panthers-Falcons I all over again. And now Okung — the Seahawks' only non-terrible offensive lineman — is down. That pass breakup by Sherman may have, at least, postponed the inevitable. THAT OLSEN CATCH THOUGH. We've played 21 minutes and this game is over.


Is that an "MVP" chant? It should be. So now the Seahawks decide to get more than one first down, and Wilson had to get that one himself. Kearse was out of bounds and not in the end zone anyway. Good footwork by Lockett to make sure that was a catch. They probably have to go for it here. Baldwin catches it and... doesn't get there. Game, set, match. There's some Andy Reid-level clock management going on here by Carroll right now. Not that it matters. Oh, now they're kicking a 55-yard field goal? And missing it? BRILLIANT.




Kickoff return! OK. Seahawks have picked up the pace on this drive. Touchdown Kearse? Yep. I don't know about this spot. I mean, it might be right, but I can't tell. That's a big sack. Wilson missed a wide open Baldwin and he's not happy about it. Have the Panthers' secondary stopped covering people? Apparently — Lockett torched Coleman and caught a touchdown pass in the end zone. This isn't happening, is it? This Panthers drive is taking up time the Seahawks can't afford to  lose, but every point they don't score helps the Seahawks at the same time. Fake punt? Fake punt! That sack by Norman is what they were trying to do on the play that Lockett scored on earlier. 3rd and 24? Splendid. Oh, NOW they punt? Come on, man. Olsen took a shot from Chancellor and still got the first down. Wait, what? Sideline warning? Well, Carroll's been screaming at the officials all game and I guess they've about had it.


This might be a catch, actually. Carroll has to challenge it.


Yeah, that's a catch, and a big one. Kearse has been the Seahawks' guy today. Hey, a Marshawn Lynch sighting. Buck: "Well, it's third down." Dammit, Troy. That looked like Wilson was throwing it away but Kearse AGAIN. Touchdown Seahawks.


Stop leaving Olsen open, Seahawks. That's... better? OK. I'm not sure why Carolina punted there. But that still took too much time off the clock if you're a Seahawks fan. This one's closer. Stands. I'm not sure the Seahawks have enough time. They don't. Two offensive penalties won't help, either. The Seahawks' receivers have been complaining about being interfered with all game, mirroring complaints from EVERY SEAHAWKS OPPONENT IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. You know it's true. So this'll go field goal, then onside kick if it's good. There's one, and there's the other, and Thomas Davis recovers the onside kick and that's it. I'm gonna need you to make up your minds here, stripes. (Panthers 31, Seahawks 24)





And Ben starts the game with an overthrow on a deep ball. The Steelers might want to consider tackling this dude. That didn't go as far as it should have. Field goal is... good.


I like the decision to go for it, but why load up with three tight ends only to go play-action to the end zone when you only need one yard? Seriously, what are the Steelers doing? Thanks for contributing, Jay Feely. No one mentioned the wind being up. Being beaten this badly in the field position game isn't sustainable for either side, especially if the Broncos aren't going to score touchdowns off of it. Big, giant play by Bryant, who they'll need with Brown out. "Fitzgerald Toussaint" is a name from 100 years ago. Touchdown Steelers. Ben seemed fine on that drive. We've found a pass that even DHB can't drop.


Peyton's not getting the help from his receivers. The throws haven't been great, either. Basically, it's how Peyton Manning playoff games after a bye week often look. This is an interesting decision to go for it at this point in the game. I'm not against it, but I'm surprised Kubiak went for it. That would have been caught if Mitchell hadn't hit Bryant so hard. The purposeful bad punt. I think I like it. Snap the ball. Damn. Way to sneak the safety up and blitz him, Steelers. They fumble the snap? Wow. At least they'll get a field goal attempt. Good. 10-9 at halftime. That screen was a bad play call on 3rd and 5 and without Thomas and Sanders on the field. That had no chance to work.


I feel like the Steelers are just calling better plays. Look at Bryant finding holes in the defense to weave through. Are the Steelers confused here or is this just some Peyton-style fake audibilizing? I think now they're confused — they JUST got that play off. Then Talib broke up the pass anyway, so. Field goal. Again. Wait, WHAT? They didn't consider that a slide, I guess. This is what Tomlin's arguing; whether or not Peyton "gave himself up" as they say. It looked to me like he honestly slipped, but he wasn't touched.
That's a touchback and not a safety because the punt was muffed, not fumbled. Steelers are marching. I await the inevitable stall at midfield. FUMBLE!! Broncos ball! I believe that's also the first play DeMarcus Ware's ever made in the postseason. That could turn this game. Man, 79 on the Broncos has got to go. He's sucked for the last six weeks. Who is THAT guy? Good job, everyone. Let's... run it again, I guess? Hey, touchdown Broncos! I mean, at least make them think you might run on this two-point try. Got it. 20-13. Three minutes left.


That might be it. That... should have been a fumble, actually, unless "in the grasp" is still a thing. This field goal will end it. Or not, as that penalty was on the Broncos. That'll get them a field goal try. 47? That's cake. The Steelers have a nine-year-plus onside kick drought. Which will continue.


(Broncos 23, Steelers 16)

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