Thursday, October 22, 2009

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 6: Lines of Demarcation

Signal Finder: BAL @ MIN, BUF @ NYJ, PHI @ OAK

So who's the Redskins' backup quarterback? It's still Todd Collins? Yeesh. (Chiefs 14, Redskins 6)

What's happened to the Ravens' defense? Seems like they've lost some teeth with Rex and Bart Scott leaving maybe. After sputtering at the start, the Ravens' offense is getting something going thanks to some random Vikings foolishness. This may actually be Favre's best game so far – I haven't seen a truly horrible throw yet. And now the Ravens are getting some big-time plays – Ray Rice seems to be putting nails into Willis McGahee's coffin by the week. We also learned on that play that there are only about six guys left in the league who can tackle. I mean, the Ravens aren't supposed to score points that quickly. Childress needs to be yelling at his defense, which has been embarrassed on three touchdown drives today. Jebus. Drive safely, everybody. Are you kidding me? That one never had a chance. (Vikings 33, Ravens 31)

The Lions in Lambeau? Yeah, whatever. (Packers 26, Lions 0)

I'm very upset that I didn't get to see this one. The really impressive stat from this game to me: the Giants didn't sack Brees once. They didn't even get close to him. And when a guy's got all day to throw and all those guys to throw to, you can't cover them all forever. That's just math. (Saints 48, Giants 27)

Russell drops back and that's a recipe for disaster. Although this one wasn't his fault. I just saw that, didn't I? Ouch! Murphy just took out two guys and Miller just followed the blocks all the way to the end zone. This is how it happens. The Raiders just got jobbed out of another touchdown – that wasn't pass interference at all. Winston Justice is looking at what's happening to King Dunlap and having flashbacks. You know who's good is Zach Miller. You know who's really good is Richard Seymour. How many more guys are the Eagles going to lose? How about that pigeon just chilling on the field? The Eagles are just getting punched in the mouth repeatedly, and yet I still feel like there's something big coming. You know that tension you feel when you're filling up a balloon and you feel like it's going to pop, but it doesn't? It's kind of like that. I mean, they'll win this game if they manage to score a touchdown. But that's not going to happen, is it. I also blame Antonio Pierce. I'm glad John Madden enjoyed this one. Because I didn't. (Raiders 13, Eagles 9)

I was going to say “Looks like the Jets came crashing back to Earth” but that'd be wildly inappropriate. I feel like nobody really wanted to win this game. (Bills 16, Jets 13, OT)

This... this... I think I used up all the words I had to describe this when it was happening every week two years ago. Driving in to work, I picked this game up on the radio just before halftime and the announcers were talking about how just about everyone on the Titans had made a crippling mistake. Then the punter shanked one off his foot and it went about six yards. Can the Pats take a knee to start the second half? Is anybody else watching at this point? Is there precedent for the away market to get switched to a different game? Because no one in Tennessee needs to see any more of this. Maybe Vince Young can play defense. (Patriots 59, Titans 0)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Any Tennessee Titan; 2-4. Jim Zorn; 5-15. A member of the Chargers' kick coverage units; 16. Dante Wesley (Seriously, you can't do that.)

Fisticuffs! You heard? And clearly the Broncos are still angry over their Week 17 chokeout here last year that led to everything that's happened. I'm not sure Royal was touched on that kickoff return. Were his feet inbounds? looks closer All right, I'll take it. Is this off a punt? You're kidding me, right? The Chargers should sign the pigeon from the Raiders game. Or just have Sproles try doing the same thing. I'm getting that same feeling again I had for the Eagles game where it could break at any moment. Wait, they called that a touchdown? I don't think so. I'd like to join the crow-eating hordes now, please. (Broncos 34, Chargers 23)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (4-2, W2): Brees is back, putting up 39 for the aPa Seagulls this week as we just held on to beat Scott by a little more than a point.

JackSux 6 (4-2, L1): Despite getting 32 from Wes Welker and having everyone score in double digits, I still lost because Russ got 36 from Moss and 26 from Hines Ward to beat me by seven.

Lincoln Continentals (5-1, W3): You tend to like your chances when you're playing a team with a baseball-related name.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. New Orleans (5-0) – Why, yes, this was a statement game. Why do you ask?

2. Indianapolis (5-0) – Recharging the batteries

3. Denver (6-0) – Anyone who saw this coming is LYING

4. Minnesota (6-0) – A little luck never hurts

BOTTOM 4

29. Washington (2-4) – Once-proud franchise now national punchline

30. Tampa Bay (0-6) – Lost to those guys

31. St. Louis (0-6) – Getting closer? Probably not

32. Cleveland (1-5) – You know it's bad when Rolling Stone is taking shots at you


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