Tuesday, December 30, 2008

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Gag Reflex

Signal Finder: OAK @ TB, NYG @ MIN, CAR @ NO (end), DAL @ PHI, MIA @ NYJ

I wonder if Gannon's having flashbacks. Ah, same old Raiders. Why is one of your offensive lineman getting blocked so hard by Ronde Barber it puts him on the ground? *cringes* Oh my God. Poor Cadillac. Thanks to CBS's superior sound, you can hear him screaming "Are you fucking kidding me?" after he grabs his knee there. Going for it's the right call even if they don't make it. Of course, you then must prevent that at all costs. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. How are the Bucs just letting the Raiders run all over them here? This should never have happened. crosses off Buccaneers (Raiders 31, Buccaneers 24)

I have no idea why the Vikings didn't punt before the end of the half. They do still need to win this game if only to prove something to themselves. David Carr what? Berrian just ran right by whoever that was. Wow, a Mario Manningham sighting. That ending was a train wreck. Good thing it worked. (Vikings 20, Giants 19)

Did anyone see the pre-game footage from Patriots-Bills with the goal posts literally swaying in the wind? And the field goal Lindell missed that got blown across the end zone? Given the latest possible Brady news, you have to wonder what's next for the Patriots. Oh, and by the way, the Super Bowl losers' curse? Alive and well. (Patriots 13, Bills 0)

What Jerry Jones doesn't realize is that the reason everybody kept asking him about Wade's status all week is that nobody believes him when he says he's not firing him. Astoundingly, everything's broken right for the Eagles... let's see what happens now. Oops. Yeah, that was probably a fumble. What's with the Eagles giving up all these third down conversions? Classic McNabb right there on the big pass to Buckhalter. Sneak it! Ding. Good job, Pacman! Wait, did the Eagles just score again? That's the first time I've heard Chris Clemons' name mentioned all year. Here come the Cowboys again, though I don't think they've got much left. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Did that really just happen again? This is an absolute massacre. How do you go an entire week knowing what's at stake and show up and do this? That speaks to leadership and character - or, in this case, the lack of. In retrospect, Folk kicking off out of bounds to start the game should have been an omen. PLAYOFFS? DON'T TALK ABOUT... oh, no. Oh no no no no no. Let's talk about playoffs. This is nothing short of unbelievable. Hey, Jerry, you might want to rethink that "our coaching staff is in place" thing. Or not. I don't mind. (Eagles 44, Cowboys 6)

Pennington doesn't seem like the vengeful type. The hell are they going for two there for? GUNSLINGER. Y'know, it'd be nice if Thomas Jones showed up, what with being the AFC's leading rusher and all, you'd think he'd produce in a game of this magnitude or something. Seriously, I'm watching this game and I can't figure out how the Jets got to 17 points in the first place. Geez, Brett. That one was worse than the one you threw in overtime of the Fourth And 26 Game. I've given up trying to figure out if this is it for him or not. On the flip side, who says you can't fire the players? The Dolphins brought in, what, 24 new ones or something like that? (Dolphins 24, Jets 17)

There's some serious dislike developing here. This is brutal. The Broncos' defense couldn't stop us at this point. Not to mention the fact that they'd have to find Sammy Winder's phone number if the season was two weeks longer. Slight miscommunication by the Chargers on the Manumaleuna touchdown. Well, there's some life from Denver. Ah, never mind. Didn't we JUST see this? crosses off Broncos Understand this: Mike Shanahan will never be fired. But if he was ever going to be fired, it would be after this debacle. Seriously, have this many teams ever folded like this at the end of a season in the history of sports? Johnny: "Better get the band warmed up - they have a song they'd like to play for us." (Chargers 52, Broncos 21)

RANKINGS:
1. Tennessee (13-3) - Rest and wait
2. N.Y. Giants (12-4) - Even their backups give 100%
3. Carolina (12-4) - No longer sneaky, just good
(tie) Indianapolis (12-4) - Seriously, y'all don't want NONE of this

30. Kansas City (4-12) - Herm's watching the clock
31. Cleveland (4-12) - They scored one touchdown in their last six games! One! That's almost impossible!
32. Detroit (0-16) - Well, at least they still have the Red Wings

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