Saturday, November 19, 2016

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Match Games

Last week: “Next week: Jaguars-Titans. “Exclusively on NFL Network.” Because the over-the-air channels looked at that game and were like, “You cannot be serious.” I don't even know if Nantz and Simms will be doing that game -- they might have pawned it off on Tirico.”

And I’m wrong! The whole A-team is here tonight. Poor bastards. You did what you could, Eddie George.
Murray’s third in the league in rushing? Go to hell, Chip. We also have two terrible coaches tonight: The Jaguars should be better than they are, and Mularkey’s failures in Buffalo and Jacksonville (previously) have been well documented. This Titans drive is taking an awful long time for not much of a payoff. The next one was much faster. Kendall Wright lives! Oh, right, Brian Orakpo’s on the Titans now. You come down here and you just vanish from the league consciousness. Along those same lines, it seems like the Titans get more than their share of Heisman Trophy winners, as Derrick Henry breaks off a run. Nice leaping catch by Kendall Wright. Henry shows off some speed on the touchdown. 17-0 Titans. Simms is apoplectic about people saying you can’t change a quarterback's throwing motion after pointing out Bortles’. Statue of Liberty with the tight end? Really? Wait, what? Did this guy just bounce off three Jaguars and score? Oh, yeah, he stepped on the sideline. 
Still, though. The Jags weren’t even trying there. Simms changed his mind after seeing the replay and now says this pass was legal. Wait, is this 10-second runoff after a reversal in the last minute a new thing? I mean, the Titans were probably going to call time out anyway, but still.
Touchdown Jaguars. They went for two and got it!
That’s more points for the Titans. SAFETY DANCE. (Titans 36, Jaguars 22)

Nice non-coverage on Eifert. That’s Nugent’s second missed kick today, after shanking a field goal across the end zone earlier. Did Dalton’s arm get hit on that pick? Looked like it. Nope, just a rushed throw. Cousins has been playing with fire this entire second half. Crowder again! Washington leads. Green! He’s been getting the best of Norman all day and that time it paid off big. Hill walks in and the Bengals are back in front. There hasn’t been a lot of resistance offered on these touchdown plays. Hey, a stop, finally.
Good throw by Cousins under extreme duress. Maybe he doesn’t suck. Also, smart play by Crowder to stay inbounds before getting the first down. That one was almost disastrous. 97 wants that one back. Hopkins makes the kick and we’re tied. That segue into the credits, though. Prime stuff, Kenny. A tight end screen? OK? Followed by two poor Dalton throws. Then he gets sacked, which is almost the worst possible outcome there. (The worst would have been if he’d also fumbled.) Overtime.
Oh no. This could be a while, like, the guy in Baylor-Texas yesterday. Oh, he’s up? Good. I thought I saw the stretcher already out. That blitz pickup. Dalton speed! He’s made some bad throws on their last three drives. Then he takes another sack at a terrible time. Nothing he can do about that, though. Interference on the punt? Really? THIS NEVER WOR-- OH MY GOD HOPKINS HOOKED IT.
Albert: “Next score wins. That next score might be in that Tottenham game on Wednesday.” Dalton fumbles on the sneak! My God. No one bothers covering Garcon, and its because he pushed off somewhat. Jones sold it well, let’s say that. The Bengals have no time outs left, so Lynch figures Washington will probably throw a Hail Mary here. We’re on the verge of something that hasn’t happened since 1997 -- tie games in consecutive weeks. And Cousins throws up a dead duck. The British fans are used to this; it’s fine. (Redskins 27, Bengals 27, OT)

Signal Finder: NE @ BUF, SEA @ NO, OAK @ TB (end), GB @ ATL

Meanwhile, this will probably be a slaughter. Well, Gillislee starts off with a big run. Is that rain? Everyone on the Bills got their signals crossed there. That is rain. Touchdown Amendola and so it begins. Then Edelman gets away from the Bills’ defense. Probably because the Pats had someone downfield that shouldn’t have been. On the next play, Chris Hogan (!) absolutely torches Stephon Gilmore (!!) and Brady cashes in. Rex can’t believe it. The rest of us can. Has Brady thrown nothing but deep passes so far? Gillislee again.  69 touchdowns for Gronk!


There's your upset of the year. Is it just me or have there been more missed kicks this year than usual? (I’m sure this information is find-able.) Carpenter just borked a field goal. The Patriots will probably score here, right? I mean, they get every single break. Gostkowski kicks a field goal that gets batted around by the wind but still goes through. SPECIAL TEAMS. And of course the Pats cash in. Taylor runs through the blitz for a touchdown! On fourth down, no less. Now Brady’s running. What’s going on here?


Touchdown Blount and now it feels like the rout’s coming. Is... is that what I think it is?
Apparently it IS.
Why didn’t the Bills snap the ball before the third quarter ended? Then Reggie Bush throws the worst lateral ever and the Bills end up with no points at all. And we’re out. CBS: “On to Tampa.” (Patriots 41, Bills 25)
He’s lost it. CHICANERY!!! It’s pronounced “Pro-CYSE”, apparently. Michael then finishes it off for the touchdown. Wilson hadn’t thrown a pick in 203 passes, and that was a bad one. This is illegal contact that happened before the pass, I think (Hochuli’s mic was cutting out) so the fact that the ball was tipped doesn’t matter. Oh, this is close. Hightower’s knee is down; this shouldn’t be a touchdown. This isn’t a touchdown, either. Brees: “Fine. I’ll do it my damn self.” That’s good ups for an old man. The Seahawks aren’t messing around on this one-minute drill, and against a defense as bad as the Saints’, why not? One second! Hauschka from 56. Bad hold? What happened there? So no points, and 14-13 Seahawks at the half. Good analysis by Spielman on why that Saints flea-flicker worked: showing Sherman move inside expecting a run and the pass coming in his direction. Saints are calling some good plays here. Maybe not give the ball to Hightower down at the goal line, guys? And yes, Fleener should have scored on his catch before this, or at least he would have against his own defense. Touchdown Saints and they’re going for two. Even the shovel pass doesn’t work. Payton really has lost it. These analysts just called for a Jimmy Graham appearance and there it is, on a key third down conversion. I’m a little surprised the Seahawks didn’t go for it there but there’s plenty of time still. Now there isn’t, thanks to Sherman getting called for holding. Carroll is livid. That’s a critical sack by Avril because a field goal keeps the Seahawks in the game. Interesting that Bobby Wagner backed off here after the firestorm he set off last week. Kick is good and the Saints are up by five. This place is LOUD. Baldwin finds a hole and gets into the red zone! 16 seconds. Why throw to a back over the middle? Now two seconds left. NOPE. Wilson lofted it too far. (Saints 25, Seahawks 20)

That hit on Alex Smith should have been a penalty and I have to imagine it will also be a fine. (Chiefs 30, Colts 14)

COOPER! Yeah, that’s a hold. And with that false start, the Raiders now have more penalties than points. TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Are the Bucs playing for overtime? Aguayo’s missed an extra point already today. The Bucs can’t even run the clock out? Lord. Cooper just dropped a touchdown. Clutch run by Derek Carr to get 15 yards.


Janikowski from 50. NO GOOD. Big catch by Crabtree. I think the Raiders just gave all of those yards back on penalties. Seabass from 52? At the same end? Really? HE MISSED AGAIN! God, if Aguayo wins this game for the Bucs… They only got five yards? That’s terrible.
Seth Roberts! RAIDERS WIN!! Also loved the GameDay Live guys padding so they could get the final highlight. (Raiders 30, Buccaneers 24, OT)

This is a fumble and Cardinals ball. Cam just faked everybody out for a four-yard run and slide. They’re just gonna run out the clock here. (Panthers 30, Cardinals 20)

No Clay, no Cobb, no Montgomery. The Packers are out of players, as evidenced by Matt Ryan successfully running for 10 yards. The Packers are also down their top three corners (I think Shields suffered his concussion in preseason and still isn’t back). This isn’t a fumble. The Falcons go for it on fourth and short and Freeman gets the first down. Getting Knile Davis was the Packers’ first trade since 2010?!? I know trades aren’t common in the NFL but damn. Nelson just smoked somebody. Then he catches a laser from Rodgers for the touchdown. It’s Julio Jones time. How the hell did 18 catch that? That’s good coverage and, as Aikman said, Ryan needed to nail that throw. Rodgers with a week to throw. Shame there’s no one left.


Dude’s name is "Geronimo"? Amazing. And who’s THIS dude? He just returned the punt and now this. Fumble! But it goes out of bounds before the Falcons can recover, so the Packers lose six yards. Touchdown this Davis guy. Jones back after bouncing his head off the turf earlier. Who ARE these people? Well, I recognize Freeman, who just ran in for a touchdown. Falcons go for two but drop the snap. Rodgers runs for 25 yards because the Falcons are playing way back. Nelson! 22 for the Falcons is having a bad day right now. Crosby kicks the field goal and it’s 24-19 Packers at the half.
Good tackle by Keanu Neal, the Falcons’ aforementioned No. 22 and their top pick who had things rough in the first half. That is a collision. This Ward kid got open but Trice met him with extreme prejudice. Touchdown Freeman! Falcons lead. Weird that Erin just cited an ESPN report (the Montgomery injury) for several reasons. This game has really slowed down after a frenetic first half. I mean, if the Falcons lose, they’re back to .500 and only a half-game up. Nelson didn’t turn soon enough after that catch and cost himself a first down. Don’t challenge spots, kids. The Falcons had 12 men on the field? LOOOOL. First down Packers. And Quinn was trying to call time out before that and now we know why. That pass had some fire on it. Touchdown Packers, then Rodgers runs for two. Did they just play R-E-L-A-X as a bumper? I'm a little surprised, but not really, that the Falcons haven't gone to Jones more on this drive. The Packers are probably D-ing him up tight. Sanu! Touchdown Falcons! Where was the coverage? These extra points are not locks, even for Matt Bryant. It’s GOOD. Still time for Rodgers, but a throw that bad isn’t getting it done. (Falcons 33, Packers 32)

We only had two late games because half the league is off. This happened in the other one:
Fortunately, Wade’s OK. (Broncos 27, Chargers 19)

The roof is open, which seems like a rare thing. Lucky Whitehead, indeed. That ball bounced right back into his hands. Elliott running with power. Marcus Smith doing things? Am I hallucinating?
12 men on the field on a punt? Good job, Cowboys. Sproles! That went through Agholor’s fingers, which is standard these days, it seems. Field goal is good. Well, Dez is back. Prescott keeps it, fools everyone in green, and strolls into the end zone. That’s a good play right there. Yes, attack Scandrick because he has two questionable hamstrings and because he stinks. That… wasn’t that. Elliott’s running wild and the Eagles are missing Bennie Logan. Oh, the league’s investigating Elliott’s domestic abuse accusations? That’ll go well. Wentz beats the blitz and finds DGB for a first down. How do you manage to commit OPI on a screen pass? Oh, I see: You don’t. “Don't Fear The Reaper?” Oh, right, Halloween’s tomorrow.



Special teams! Sproles is basically the only big play guy the Eagles have. The hell? Agholor stepped out of bounds, but there was defensive holding anyway? Oh God. Who sees that? Mathews? No. NOW Mathews. Tie game. Cowboys keep moving the ball. Prescott finds an opening. Interception! Jordan Hicks loves it here. Both Agholor and DGB get trapped inbounds, so the Eagles are forced to use their last time out. Oh, they’re gonna get one second back. Yeah, that’s a catch. Reverse angle confirmed it. Sturgis from 56. GOOD. Time out Cowboys. Fine. Sturgis from 56. GOOD AGAIN. Suck it, Garrett. 
Fumbled snap? Then a chop block on the punt? These Cowboys special teams units aren’t doing much tonight. Matthews went down and pulled that one off the turf. That hit’s late as hell. And to the head? Get your checkbook out, son. Agholor drags Carr across the first down marker. More penalties. Sproles gets most of it back. Somehow everyone lost Jordan Matthews and he found the end zone. The Ghostbusters theme. All right. Fake punt! And a straight run by the punter gets 40 yards. More Elliott. Poor throw by Prescott in Bryant’s direction. Cris: “That’s the best offensive pass interference I’ve seen all year.” Because that pass was getting intercepted otherwise. Bailey’s not missing this. Huff! And that sets up a chance at points and they got three. The Eagles haven’t played a great game, per se, but they’ve done some good things and gotten some help from the Cowboys. Beasley pass!? Too long. And Smallwood fumbles. If you wanted to get him some run, do it in the second quarter. Good stand by the Eagles defense. Sproles! Barner? Wentz and Kelce have another bad snap and Sproles loses yards on that screen pass. Now they have to punt.
This run’s coming back. The Cowboys are finding all the angles on these pass plays. Everything’s a cut backwards. McKelvin almost picked that but it pretty clearly hit the ground. Touchdown Bryant and we’re tied.
Why are they throwing to Trey Burton on third and 4? Now they have to punt. Eagles bring the house three straight times and force a fast three-and-out. Jebus. OPI then a sack. Both these teams are blowing their two-minute drills. Scandrick got Wentz from the back side and I’m surprised he didn’t fumble.
That’s a great punt. Sure, add 10 yards. Does anybody want to win this game? Cowboys give up after that sack. Overtime for the third Sunday night in a row.
These blitzes aren’t quite getting there. I think Elliott lost a yard. Garrett wants a measurement and damned if I know why. He wasn’t even close. They sneak Prescott and he makes it! Even more Elliott. Absolutely NOBODY on Jason Witten and that’s the easiest touchdown he’s ever caught. McLeod and Jenkins froze, then collided, and that was that. crosses off Tony Romo (Cowboys 29, Eagles 23, OT)

That’s not a good throw, Bradford. GIANT run for Jordan Howard. Gruden: “Look out!” It’s hard to overthrow Alshon Jeffrey but if anyone can do it, it’s Jay Cutler. Speaking of Jeffrey, do you think Cutler knows any of these other guys’ names? Next drive, Cutler gets overanxious by jumping the count and almost throws a pick. Should we be suspicious if Jeffrey and/or Cutler gets benched at halftime? Official down? Official down. Is Bradford still shook from last week? He and Diggs have disconnected twice. Gruden: “Bradford usually rings these up.” No he doesn’t. He never throws deep. Jeffrey doesn’t have a touchdown catch? Wow. Has anyone completed a pass yet? Lot of misfires so far.



Flip from Cutler to Howard! Jeffrey can’t haul that one in and Not Robbie Gould makes it 6-0 Bears.
This Howard kid was a find. Man, the Vikings are still out of sync. Howard walked in for a touchdown. Fumble? “Backward pass that went forward?” What? Get off the field, you yahoo. That seems to have given the Vikings life. Hey, a completion! This is close. Can Fox challenge because it’s at two minutes? Apparently he can. Never challenge spots, kids. Wildcat with Asiata? Really? You should probably throw to Kyle Rudolph. I mean, just a suggestion. This Vikings offensive line is a mess. Field goal is good. This isn’t a good challenge. The Bears are leaning on Howard and letting Cutler do what he can, and he’s starting to look better. Meanwhile, Bradford’s not going to survive behind this line.



Touchdown Vikings? Touchdown Vikings. No onside kick with less than six minutes left? Sure, whatever you say, guys. Mel’s got UNC’s Mitch Trubisky at the top of his quarterbacks list? O…kay. Still riding the “Chucky” train, I see. I like that Gruden owns it, though.

(Bears 20, Vikings 10)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (7-1): Brady could go 12-0. Seriously
2. Dallas (6-1): The path forward is clear
3. Denver (6-2): Rounding back into form
4. Oakland (6-2): Better lucky than good?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (2-6): That didn’t go so well, either
30. Jacksonville (2-5): Yeah, Gus can’t coach
31. San Francisco (1-6): It’s not any better with Kaepernick, either
32. Cleveland (0-8): The Indians did nothing wrong


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Sunday, November 6, 2016

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Outside In

Ah, the classics. Even these Color Rushes are acceptable. Hoyer just took a shot. Make a decision, Devante. 4th and 3? OK. Crosby kick is good. CHEESE B-ROLL. PRAISE BE.


I can't process that either, folks. Nantz pointing out how Lacy's extended absence is a problem here. What the hell? A handoff to Ty Montgomery? They'd have been better off rolling out Rodgers. This ref's like, “Someone want to tell me what's going on?” Cutler's done here, right? Like, the Bears may as well start tanking for Deshaun Watson, Chad Kelly or Brad Kaaya, right? Hoyer just hit his arm on a Packer's head while throwing a pass.


It's Matt Barkley time, y'all! That's a good run by KaDeem Carey. No Kyle Long, either? I mean, yes, throw it to Alshon Jeffrey. Next week: Jaguars-Titans. “Exclusively on NFL Network.” Because the over-the-air channels looked at that game and were like, “You cannot be serious.” I don't even know if Nantz and Simms will be doing that game -- they might have pawned it off on Tirico. The Bears are driving! Field goal is good and we're tied 3-3. That's a bad sack. It's clear that talent is what's keeping the Packers afloat. Also, on this drive anyway, pass interference. Cobb?!? No. Second foot's out. Crosby makes it 6-3.



Rodgers has 30 pass attempts and it's halftime. Wait, what? That just happened? Rodgers gets sacked again, fumbles, and it's touchdown Bears. It's weird to see Packers receivers not getting away from defenders. And it's also weird that we have these conversations during successful, functional Packers drives. So this one's close, I guess. They called it a catch does his hand come off the ball? Refs say no. Call stands. SICK catch by Adams for the touchdown. Yeah, Barkley's knee is pretty clearly down. Third and 29? Grand. Montgomery is the Packers No. 1 running back. This is where they are.
Touchdown Packers and somebody screwed up. Did the Bears three-and-out again? Jeez.


Now Cobb's taking handoffs. These dudes are handing off to wide receivers and controlling the clock while doing it. That one will count. Touchdown Cobb. This isn't going well for our old friend Mr. Barkley. He just threw a ball that got deflected and intercepted, and the guy who picked it off thought he was down before stumbling around for 10 seconds. (Packers 26, Bears 10)

It’s not even Thursday night in London. Stop being lazy, NFL Network. If you’re a fan in Los Angeles, how motivated are you to get up at 6 a.m. to catch the kickoff of this game?



This is the first London game not at Wembley Stadium -- this is Twickenham, which is rugby Mecca in England. Landon Collins intercepts passes? This is a… laborious return. He’s faster than I expected but still not all that fast. Touchdown, eventually. Hey, Rashad Jennings is back. Another Collins interception, this one off a deflection. That’s a big-time catch by Beckham. Jennings has struggled today, but he powers in for the touchdown and the Giants take the lead. Austin somehow escapes a tackle and picks up a critical first down.
Keenum throws a floater and it’s intercepted. On the next possession, Quick loses his footing and costs the Rams at least a first down.



Then he bails Keenum out on 4th and 10 by elevating to keep this drive going. Has every one of Keenum’s throws on this drive been high? There’s only 50 seconds left? Well, that explains why the Rams keep throwing. (They also only have one time out left.) What happened there? Looks like Keenum and Quick got their signals crossed, and DRC practically fields a punt in the end zone to put an end to this charade. Rich Eisen: “I will call this a recap.” (Giants 17, Rams 10)

Signal Finder: MIN @ PHI, IND @ TEN (end), NE @ PIT

Black jerseys? OK. Green-Beckham didn’t see that, I’m sure. Brennaman just called out Aikman for passing on Vaitai’s name already. And on the other side, Asiata’s not really a pass-catcher. The Eagles damn near blocked that punt. Way to sell that, punter. Three more plays and let’s try this again. A bad read by Wentz -- nobody over there was open -- leads to an interception. Neither quarterback has been particularly accurate so far. Then Bradford throws an interception right to McLeod.



THEN Wentz fumbles a handoff and the Vikings kick it back 10 yards before finally falling on it. Now is THIS a fumble?!? What’s going on here? The penalty’s on the Vikings, but will it even count if this is an incomplete pass? OK. So it’s a fumble, Eagles ball, Jenkins was down, and they’ll get it at their own 39 after the penalty. Dat banjo music. Rhodes dives and picks off Wentz. That’s, what, five turnovers in the last nine or so plays? (Twelve, actually.)



Hey, an earned first down! That was probably a violation of some sort. Oh man, Ron Brooks being carted off. Are the Eagles… driving? This drive started at the 1. Man, Wentz missed Ertz and didn’t see Celek, who was even more open. Then he overthrew Agholor by 10 yards. Pretzel B-roll? That’s new. I didn’t realize the Vikings have lost, like, five offensive tackles. Walsh in to kick and this isn’t guaranteed. Good. 3-0 Vikings. HUFF!! That’s two weeks in a row for SPECIAL TEAMS.



The Vikings ran into the kicker on the extra point. Eagles going for two now? Interesting. Wentz gets it with the keeper. Ohhh McKelvin almost had a pick-six on that one if that bounces differently. That’s a sweet throw by Bradford to 19. Fumble! Eagles ball! Eagles going for it on 4th and 2 from the Vikings 46. Twice. Wentz almost drops the snap but still scrambles for the first down. How is that not a flag unless that ball was uncatchable?



Mathews! Now they’re in the red zone. They’re kicking it now? Hm. I’d have taken another shot into the end zone here. It’s only second down. And they are after the time out. Also incomplete. Now they kick it. So much college football pettiness in the booth right now. 11-3 at the half. Mike Trout in the house. Finally, a pass interference flag. Then a nice catch-and-run by Mathews stands after the flag is on the Vikings. THEN Wentz almost drops another snap but finds Sproles for a good gain. Wentz and Kelce need to have a conversation. They gave Green-Beckham that? OK, sure. Yeah, ball breaks the plane. Count it. Bradford was lucky Hicks only deflected that and didn’t intercept it. Can’t give up 29 yards on a 3rd-and-long draw. Weird to give it to a fullback on 3rd down there. Fourth down and I think they got it. And I’m wrong! Turnover on downs. Three and out, but the Eagles get it back after the Vikings fumble the punt return.



Why does the on-field down and distance graphic say 2nd and 43? This will also be close. First down? Fine. 4th and 1 and the Eagles will kick this here. It’s good and it’s a hard 21. The thing is, Troy, Bradford doesn’t throw deep. Mathews has to not fumble. FOUR sacks? Brandon Graham’s been feasting today. Shaun Hill’s on the field. Touchdown Vikings after what seemed like five tries. So much for that. (Eagles 21, Vikings 10)

A.J. Green catches a Hail Mary in traffic at halftime. The Browns, man. Also, Kessler’s concussed, so he’s out.



Kevin Hogan made a roster? (Bengals 31, Browns 17)

The Colts, of course, are driving. Because they’re playing the Titans. Man, don’t spike the ball in the field of play. The Colts keep screwing themselves out of these situations.



Touchdown Colts! Still plenty of time left. Mariota fumbles and Robert Mathis picks it up and scores. This one’s over now. Um, why are the Titans kicking a field goal? I mean, I know why, but… why? Onside kick attempt goes out of bounds, which seems fitting. (Colts 34, Titans 26)

I’m Sorry You Had To See That: Geno’s hurt? Crap. Fitzpatrick’s back in? Christ. How were neither Petty or Hackenberg active? That’s just stupid. This result doesn’t say a whole lot for the Ravens. (Jets 24, Ravens 16)

So in addition to Roethlisberger, DeAngelo Williams is also out. Bell’s gonna get 65 carries. There’s one and he fumbled it but got it back. But it’s the Patriots who turn it over first -- Chris Hogan fumbled and Jarvis Jones recovers.


I mean, right into coverage. Interception in the end zone. Welcome, Jaguars viewers! Nice work by White to keep both feet inbounds on that catch. Brady running! Touchdown White. I don’t think the Steelers are going to win this challenge. Well, now that we’ve seen it at full speed again, maybe they will. Who knows anymore? Call stands. Fine. Touchdown Blount. Did DHB get both feet down? He did! And it wasn’t actually that close. Touchdown Steelers! Bell’s really going to have to carry the Steelers today. That’s a late hit. He’s already wrapped up. Another touchdown for Heyward-Bey? Seriously? Oh, no, offensive holding. Field goal is… NOT good.



That was also odd. It’s like Bolden tried to catch it but it hit him instead. They’re reversing this ruling and calling it a touchback. Why run the ball here? This actually turned into a nice two-minute drill. Landry got real lucky there. Boswell on to kick. It’s good. 14-10 Patriots at the half. Reverse! Bell with 100 total yards and I was sure he’d have to get there sooner than this. Another field goal by Boswell and it’s 14-13. I’m surprised this game is close considering Cameron Heyward, Markus Wheaton and Marcus Gilbert are also out in addition to Ben. Big run by Blount. GRONK. Another Gostkowski miss? Is this the beginning of the end? Bell continues to do work. Brown’s going to the locker room?



Another field goal. 20-16. Another big play by Gronk, who does this against the Steelers a lot. And there’s another Blount touchdown. Edelman fumbles the punt return… Steelers recover! Oh, he just lost it. This 4th and 2 is a tough decision. Boswell’s career long is 51, this is 54. Nope. I might have gone for it. (Patriots 27, Steelers 16)

Remember when the Chargers couldn’t win these games? That was, what, three weeks ago? (Chargers 33, Falcons 30, OT)

No Chancellor for the second straight week. Doesn’t seem to matter so far. The Cardinals still need wins. That’s a good punt.


Field goal is blocked. Absolutely nothing went right for the Cardinals there… the kick got blocked, and Wagner’s penalty wasn’t called and can’t be reviewed, and Arians tried to challenge it and it cost him a time out.



I'm... not sure that's true? OK, moving on. Silly Collinsworth, the NFL doesn’t give a rat’s ass about player safety. The Seahawks have literally done nothing on offense so far. Cardinals are just riding Johnson so far. Finally, some points. No play clock graphic? This is taking a long time.
This Seahawks offense can do nothing right. Or even nothing wrong. Feels like they’ve been in more than their share of 3rd and long tonight. The only people worth watching tonight are Johnson and Chandler Jones. They just showed Johnson’s wife in the stands for some reason, and that reason is she’s a dead ringer for Maria Sharapova. Collinsworth noting that Wilson’s been mostly stationary tonight. Wilson caught his own pass, then goes down and I assume the ball came out. Yeah, but it appears the Seahawks got it back, but it’s fourth down.

Thomas almost scored what could have been possibly this game’s only touchdown. Just punt this shit, Cardinals. God, more sloppiness. Fumbled snap but the Seahawks get it back at their own 2. Chandler Jones again. The Seahawks cannot afford to lose any offensive linemen. BLOCKED PUNT. This is the first time the Seahawks have been across the 50 tonight. Yeah, Baldwin didn’t catch that. Field goal is… good. We’re tied, which no one wanted. Cliff Avril doing his best Chandler Jones impression tonight. Palmer should have fumbled that. That’s the first play Michael Floyd’s made all year. (Seriously. Dude’s been invisible.)



Cardinals need a good punt here. They don’t get it, but Tyler Lockett strangely didn’t call for a fair catch and somehow escaped with his life. Offensive holding? Christ. And then again? Might as well just stick the ball in the turf. The Cardinals are eating their time outs, which Collinsworth doesn’t agree with because he wants to go home too.



Cardinals get the ball first. Floyd! Those are his first two important catches this year. But that won’t be a third. Field goal is good and now the Seahawks can tie or win. Jimmy Graham lives! Man, if they ever figure out how to get him into the offense. They’re going to kick a field goal, aren’t they? Yep. 6-6. Ifeyani Momah lives! Sherman tackled Fitzgerald and got away with it. J.J. Nelson! They’re saying Johnson didn’t get in? I’d have waited for a review on that, myself. Then he gets stuffed on the next play. Now they’re kicking it. HE HIT THE UPRIGHT. NO GOOD.



Kearse! Finally the Seahawks hit something down the field. Now Baldwin makes a big play, avoiding a tackle and getting inside the 10. HAUSCHKA MISSES. God.



Even Michele Tafoya couldn’t believe it. Watch her when they show Carroll’s reaction again. Hail Mary time! NOPE. That… was appropriate. Also, we have a tie within a division, which is bonkers. Michele’s interviewing Bobby Wagner because I suppose they had to interview somebody. 





(Seahawks 6, Cardinals 6, OT)

Osweiler greeted with a cacophony of boos. This is basically Vikings-Eagles, isn’t it? Hopkins just straight up drops it. Welcome back, Coach. Lots of misses so far in the passing game for both teams. Did Osweiler’s hand get hit on the throw again? This is one hell of an injury.

Hey, progress. 6-0 Texans and the Broncos haven’t done much. C.J. Anderson’s down? Seems like there have been a ton of injuries this week. The Texans are playing some dangerously soft coverage on these Broncos receivers. Not sure that’s the best idea against a young quarterback. Anderson’s back to score a touchdown. That’s a poor route by Fuller and great pressure by Von Miller. Free play! Incomplete. Again, I don’t like this soft coverage on these Bronco receivers. Oh wait, that was just somebody screwing up. Touchdown Thomas.

Osweiler just ran through a blitz and got the first down. Then Blue fumbles right to a Bronco. I mean, the ball came out and went right into 51’s hands. LOL at Kareem Jackson trying to signal incomplete when Sanders clearly caught it inbounds. Touchdown Booker. Wait, that was a fumble? I don’t get that at all. So they’re saying he didn’t have control of the ball when his arm came forward, which, y’know, I can accept. That’s a key stop for the Texans. Bad drop by Thomas. What is this, last year’s playoffs? I think we’re seeing why the Broncos were… hesitant… to make Osweiler an offer. Newton may have torn both patellar tendons? Fuck. That’s awful. Does McDonough mean what I think he means when he says “enjoy Colorado”? (Broncos 27, Texans 9)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (6-1): And the roll continues
2. Dallas (5-1): Still waiting on Romo
3. Minnesota (5-2): Beaten and beaten up
4. Seattle (4-2-1): Took a tough loss

BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (2-4): We’re going to need more than this, people
30. Chicago (1-6): That didn’t go so well, either
31. San Francisco (1-6): Chip may end up back in Oregon at this rate
32. Cleveland (0-7): Seriously, they may call Andrew Miller next


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