Friday, November 24, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Key Status

Dick Butkus's death was announced about 90 minutes ago. I'm not even kidding. The Bears... SCORE? On the opening drive? My God. Khalil Herbert breaks a big run. Bears add three more. Commanders doing absolutely nothing so far. Moore with another big catch. Fields gets away with intentional grounding. Touchdown Moore and it's 17-0. That's his second tonight. Howell throws up a deep ball that looks like it's getting intercepted, then goes through the receiver's hands instead. Slye puts the Commanders on the board. Howell gets picked off. Another good run by Herbert,who's averaging nine yards a carry. Touchdown Cole Kmet and this is a rout. 27-3 Bears with 26 seconds left in the half.

Touchdown Commanders? Sure. Logan Thomas gets dogpiled and the Bears rip the ball out of his hands. And Fields immediately gets sacked. Howell finds Antonio Gibson down the sideline. Howell avoids two sacks and gets 11 on third and 13, setting up... a field goal. Moore is cooking Emmanuel Forbes tonight. But he can't corral a third-down throw from Fields. Santos makes it 30-14. Howell finds Samuel on the run at the Bears 4, then finds him wide open in the back of the end zone. Two-point try fails miserably. This can't happen again, can it? Bears catch a break when this DPI flag is picked up. Howell finds McLaurin again on the next play. Pass goes through Gibson's hands and Slye misses right from 46. It was fourth and 15. TOUCHDOWN MOORE. Fuller tried to jump the route, whiffed, and that was that. Moore has 230 receiving yards tonight. Bears win for the first time in 15 games. (Bears 40, Commanders 20)

Turns out the Jaguars did spend the week. A sack fumble by AJ Espensa preserves the elevener at halftime, only it's 11-7 Jaguars.


Zay Jones fumbles and loses 15 yards before the ball rolls out of bounds, creating 4th and 29. Half of Allen's throws are too high for anyone. Still 11-7 after three. Lawrence fumbles again! Then Darius Williams gets his second interception in London in two weeks when he outjumps Diggs. That out to Ridley has been there all day. Jaguars should be running the ball more. Not like THAT. Bills keep losing defenders. Milano got carted off? I missed that, which explains a lot. Now Ed Oliver's down with cramps after a second straight Etienne run. Touchdown Etienne, who hits the Griddy afterwards. They went 93 yards. You kick this, right? Yeah. 18-7 with 7:44 left. Bills finally put together a drive. Not sure why you're running up the middle at this point with five minutes left down two scores. Josh Allen sacks Josh Allen, but their helmets collide and that's roughing. The quarterback is on his horse and finds Gabe Davis on the run for a touchdown. Eisen and Warner can't find the flag. Apparently there was OPI on Davis. So they go right back to him. This time the interference is on the defense and the touchdown counts. They go for two and Shakir's wide open, but Darius Williams comes flying in and stops him cold. 18-13 with 4:06 left. (It turns out the OPI was actually on Dalton Kincaid.) Lawrence goes deep for Ridley on third and 4 and he's got him for 32. Etienne goes left 35 yards for a touchdown and that'll do it, I think. Or not? Two big plays and the Bills are at the Jaguars' 3. Allen keeps it, gets stood up, but powers his way in. Onside kick gets some height, but Engram knocks it out of bounds. Don't field that punt! Luckily, the ball bounces out of bounds. Bills immediately try pitchy pitchy woo woo but there's nobody there. (Jaguars 25, Bills 20)

Signal Finder: BAL @ PIT, PHI @ LAR, KC @ MIN

"Chapter 59." More Justice Hill touchdowns. Brad Wing's back in the league after six years to replace the Steelers' injured punter. Bateman drops a touchdown on third down. Do the Steelers have a first down yet? They do now, thanks to Pickens. Steelers going up tempo, because they have to try something to wake this offense up. Pickett gets sacked by Arthur Maulet, who Eagle refers to as a former Steeler like anyone knows who he is. Hill fumbles and the Steelers recover at midfield. Boswell hits from 43. TJ plasters Lamar. Then Lamar finds Flowers for a first down with 54 seconds left. They pass up a field goal to go for it on 4th and 2, but Lamar gets flushed out of the pocket and overthrows Flowers. Davis says they should have called time out when the Steelers' defense shifted. Halftime. Steelers technically "win" this challenge and don't lose a time out because the fumble wasn't part of the initial call. But it's still first down Ravens. Sack is negated by a hold downfield. Agholor watches a deep ball go right through his hands. Promising Steelers drive ends with another sack. Steelers block the punt! That's probably a safety, and it is. That never had a chance. Warren's been so much better running the ball than Harris today it's not funny. He then loses two yards on first and goal. Pickens wants a flag on second down but doesn't get it. Boswell makes it 10-8. Steelers get a stop but fumble the punt return and it's Ravens ball! Announcers wonder if maybe his own teammate got run into him, knocking the ball free. Lamar makes a terrible throw and Joey Porter Jr. gets the pick in the end zone. Steelers now facing the bad end of TAFKA Heinz Field. But that won't matter because TOUCHDOWN GEORGE PICKENS! Two-point try fails and the Steelers are left with a hard 14. Highsmith forces a fumble and T.J. recovers!


Steelers taking knees even though the Ravens have two time outs. Mild "T.J. Watt" chant. Steelers kick a field goal with 52 seconds left, and Eagle notes that the penalty on third down stopped the clock. Watt sack ends it. A gross loss for the Ravens and an improbable win for the Steelers. (Steelers 17, Ravens 10)

A 102-yard pick six? How do you allow that?


Now Jones is out with a neck injury, which may be for the best, at least as far as today goes. (Dolphins 31, Giants 16)


This has been a beatdown. The Patriots may officially be bad. (Saints 34, Patriots 0)

It's weird getting the lead announce team in the late game of Regional Coverage. Lots of Eagles fans at SoFi. Goedert getting fed early. Hurts outruns a blitz, then keeps it and takes it to the Rams' 4. Touchdown Goedert as Hurts proverbially threads the needle. Kupp making his season debut today but it's Puka Nacua, who's come out of nowhere, who gets the first throw. There's Kupp on the second one. He gets another first down on third and 8. Eagles miss a sack but Stafford overthrows Nacua. Rams are going for it, and it's Kupp again. Slay or Bradberry is going to have to be on him at all times — that's too much to ask of the young kids. They go to Atwell and he's got a touchdown. Bad drop by A.J. Hurts overthrows Quez. Gainwell runs through a tackle and gets a first down after making himself Hurts's safety valve. Quarterback draw on third and 9? Sure, why not. Brotherly Shove on third down! Graphic shows the Eagles are 93% successful with it as opposed to everyone else at 81 percent.


Screen to Quez gets stuffed on third and 2. He probably should have cut inside. Field goal is good.

Two minute warning already? These 4:05 starts mess with my timing paradigms. There's Kupp again, and this one goes for 39. Nacua beats Bradberry for a touchdown. Hurts finds Brown for a big pickup, and that horse collar at the end will put the Eagles in the red zone. And now it'll be first and goal at the 1 as Brown gets interfered with. Rough last two plays for Kendrick. Burkhardt thinks it's shove time. They get it, going through like they're drilling for coal or something. Eagles lead 17-14 at halftime. Carter dumps Stafford for an 11-yard sack. Face mask gets called on Cunningham on a give-up run and I think the refs got that one wrong. Then they call intentional grounding for some reason. Big Goedert game. Hurts underthrows to the end zone and it's intercepted. Lamar did the same thing earlier. Nucua again, and Blankenship gets called for a horse collar. Morrow appears to get an interception off a deflection, but replay shows it hit the ground. Rams fumble, but they get it back, but it's fourth down. Eagles turn to the ground game. Hurts is such a tough, smart runner. Two guys who've been neutralized: Aaron Donald and Devonta Smith. Donald has never had a sack against the Eagles. Eagles are starting to get more pressure on Stafford. Reddick with back-to-back sacks to end it. Defense pitched a shutout in the second half. Proper. (Eagles 23, Rams 14)

It's the FIRST PLAY, Vikings! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL! Nice leaping catch by Gray. Touchdown Pacheco. Double corner blitz? OK, Chiefs. Vikings convert fourth and 5 by going to Jordan Addison. They get three out of it. Cousins misses Osborn in the end zone, throwing it right over his head. Field goal is good. Nantz and Romo rave about the stadium, then Chris Jones sacks Cousins. FAKE PUNT! They snap it to a side man, who hands it to the up man on a reverse! That's a new one. Touchdown Addison and the Vikings lead. Chiefs running their two-minute drill as Kelce hobbles off. Replay shows he just went down without being touched, which is rarely a good sign. Delay of game? Butker ties it at 13 as the half ends. Kelce back out to start the second half but his foot's wrapped in tape. Mahomes flicks it to Rice, who speeds into the end zone. Touchdown Kelce! Vikings come back with a touchdown catch by Addison. Vikings are out of time outs with nine minutes left. That won't come back to haunt them at ALL. Vikings driving again. Remember, they can't stop the clock. Flag comes down in the end zone and Sneed is stunned. Now the officials are discussing it, and they pick it up.


Steratore mentions "Catchability" which means that the pass being uncatchable — which this one was — is still a thing after all. (Chiefs 27, Vikings 20)

Russ gets caught from behind and fumbles! The Jets pick it up and that's gonna be a touchdown! Oh my God. Suck it, Payton.



(Jets 31, Broncos 21)

T.O. with a mini history lesson. Parsons was offside, negating a 49ers fumble and Cowboys recovery. You can trace Purdy's emergence directly to the acquisition of Christian McCaffrey. Lot of guys moving on this play and Purdy finds Kittle in the end zone. Nick Bosa gets to Dak. Warner forces a Pollard fumble, but did the 49ers recover inbounds? Why does NBC keep showing the same replay that doesn't show the actual recovery? Oh, there's a different angle. That looks clean. Call STANDS. 49ers ball. Then McCaffrey FUMBLES! Dak, if you have to pump fake twice, throw it away. DOUBLE REVERSE FLEA FLICKER. TOUCHDOWN KITTLE. It's so over.


Touchdown Turpin, who just outruns anyone who's covering him. McCaffrey runs tough, too. And there's his 14th straight game with a touchdown. Why is all the traffic on the Bay Bridge going in one direction? Oh man. Giants are reduced to having Thibodeaux in their "next week's preview" graphic. Warner chases Dak down and the Cowboys give up and head into halftime down 21-7. Hargrave stops a third down Cowboys run, forcing a field goal.

Offensive holding erases a big play to Aiyuk. Touchdown Kittle, his third of the night! Gipson picks off a Dak deep ball under pressure. Purdy's carving these dudes up. I think I may have been wrong about him. He finds Juzsczyk for a touchdown and it's 35-10 early in the fourth.
"
Dak throws to a covered Gallup, the pass is knocked away, and Warner comes up with the interception. Then Jordan Mason (Who?) runs free to the end zone. We're done here.

What do you mean, he's inactive? How do you not activate him for THIS game if only for the memes? At the very least, Dak should be out.

There's ANOTHER interception. Christ. (49ers 42, Cowboys 10)

Packers come out running without Aaron Jones. They line up to go for it but they can't draw the Raiders offside, so they take the five-yard delay of game penalty and punt. Anders Carlson (whose brother Daniel is the Raiders' kicker) puts the Packers on the board. Raiders try a running back pass with Jacobs but the Packers don't bite and Jacobs eats it. Garoppolo finds Meyers and he fights for a first down. They go to him again and he fights his way into the end zone. Love throws an interception which the Raiders turn into a Daniel Carlson field goal. The Raiders don't call time out after stopping the Packers on third down, for some reason. Meyers with a sliding catch, and that IS a catch. Garoppolo threads the needle to Meyers again. How that wasn't picked I'll never know. Now Savage is hurt.


Packers block Daniel Carlson's field goal to end the half. 10-3 Raiders. Where's Scott? Buck hosted Countdown and his wife Michelle Beisner's hosting halftime. Jack Eichel's here with the Stanley Cup. Hockey's back tomorrow night! What's with all the smoke? Rudy Ford picks off Garoppolo. Raiders can't tackle Dillon. All the way to the end zone. Garoppolo throws on the run and just misses a wide-open Michael Mayer.

Later, Love finds a wide-open Watson and he damn near scores. As it was, it went for 77 yards and then Marcus Peters did a horse-collar tackle on him. The Raiders hold them to a field goal. Good run by Jacobs. There's Adams finally. And there he is again to set up first and goal. Jacobs scores to open the fourth. Spillane gets his second interception of the night off a deflection by Marcus Peters. Watson wasn't anything close to open there. Garoppolo gets sacked on third and 3. He's not really helping matters. Someone on the Packers threw a block on a rusher that may have saved Love's life. The Packers don't have anything for Crosby. Raiders running clock. McDaniels chooses a 52-yard field goal, but it hits the upright and bounces out. This man doesn't know what he's doing. The only saving grace is that they're up four. Aikman: "Well, they'd better block 98." Buck: "That's your analysis?" Refs are looking at this catch by Patrick Taylor to see if he got a first down here. They overturn the call and give it to him. Don't know why the Packers are running the ball here with only one time out left. Love throws up a prayer and it's intercepted in the end zone! Oh boy. I don't know about this guy. (Raiders 17, Packers 13)

RANKINGS: TOP 4:
1. San Francisco (5-0) — A bit too easy, maybe
2. Philadelphia (5-0) — Marching on
3. Detroit (4-1) — Is this happening?
4. Kansas City (4-1) — Can't shake 'em
BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (1-4) — They... won?
30. New England (1-4) — Oh dear
31. N.Y. Giants (1-4) — Outrun by fish
32. Carolina (0-5) — This... was not their chance

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Sunday, November 5, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Swift Technique

The Packers put David Bakhtiari on IR like, eight hours ago. Goff with a miscue as Rudy Ford picks him off. He threw that late. Packers capitalize with a field goal. Goff finds LaPorta on a crossing route and he gets 30. Touchdown Lions. Might want to cover Amon-Ra next time. Oh, Douglas fell down. Not great. Goff stumbling forward. Touchdown David Montgomery. Love not looking great so far tonight.

Second quarter starts with the Lions in first and goal. I saw no hold there. Riley Patterson (wearing #36) makes it 17-3. Al refers to the "cockamamie Internet." Love throws high and he gets intercepted! Anzalone tipped it, actually, and it went right to Jacobs. Touchdown Montgomery. Packers fans cheering a false start. A Lions player jumps offside twice and the Packers get a first down. Crowd cheers that, too. They're down BAD tonight. Goff escapes and finds LaPorta, who had to go up and get it. Lions add a field goal and it's 27-3. "They look athletic." Really, Kirk? Halftime Hail Mary falls short.


Brian Branch gets helped off the field. Packers go for it on fourth and 9 and Doubs makes a falling catch at the Lions' 2. Now Barnes is hurt but he gets up and walks off. No one covers Watson and that's a touchdown. Packers go for two and get it. Love with the deep ball to Reed!

Love keeps it, but he's brought down before he can reach the end zone. Did they give him a touchdown? REALLY? BOTH his knees were down! That's a joke. Oh, that was the two-point attempt? Lions decide to start running the ball again. They run on third and 9 and get seven, and they were always going for it on fourth down, or at least acting like they would. Packers don't jump, and Patterson hits from 30 to make it 30-17. But Quay Walker's dumb ass got called on a running start to leap across the line on the kick, and it's an automatic first down for the Lions! Now it's fourth and goal at the 1. Now what? Lions are going for it. Touchdown Montgomery, his third of the night. Extra point makes it 34-17 and this feels over. Al notes that a lot of fans are still here, and says that some of the Packers fans are holdovers from the Milwaukee years and tickets still have preferred games. (There are also a not-small amount of Lions fans here.) Branch back in the game, a good sign. Now he's down again, a less good sign. Love throws another pick and that's that. (Lions 34, Packers 20)


This implies that Drake London was thrown a pass, which can't be true.

So are the Jaguars just going to stay in London this week? (Yes.) (Jaguars 23, Falcons 7)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI, LV @ LAC, NE @ DAL

That's the slowest 99-yard interception return I've ever seen. Then the Vikings get their own defensive touchdown. This game was over before 3:45.


(Vikings 21, Panthers 13)

Howell getting the ball out fast, especially to McLaurin, who's primed to cut the Eagles up like he always does. Eagles force a fourth and 1. Commanders give it to Robinson and he gets it. Commanders move early on third down. Then the Eagles get called for holding to create first and goal at the 4. Jet sweep to Curtis Samuel and he walks in. Eagles on the move here. That's a horse collar. Flag came out late but it still counts. Goedert picks up third and 6. Swift runs through a huge hole on the left side for a touchdown. 7-7 after dueling seven-minute drives. McLaurin inexplicably left wide open on third and 6. Big catch by Logan Thomas and Edmunds gets flagged for unnecessary roughness. Eagles finally get to Howell but Edmunds drops an interception. Robinson fumbles into the end zone, but McLaurin recovers it in the end zone, because of course he does. The slant to Brown remains unstoppable. Fourth and short. Davis calls it the "tush push" while Moose says he prefers "Brotherly Shove." (I side with Moose here.) It works, but Dickerson gets called offside, and the Eagles punt.



Hey, a sack! Chase Young gets past Mailata for a sack. Announcers note that he's missed most of the last two seasons,and that Sirianni's never coached against him. Hurts overthrows Smith. Donna Kelce's at the game with... Jake from State Farm? Davis says she's planning on going up to the MetLife HQ to see Travis tonight and calls it a "tailor-made trip." Howell overthrows McLaurin, who had Jobe beat. But then he finds Diyami Brown for 35, and the Eagles had no idea where he was, either. Bradberry gets called for DPI on a ball ten feet above everyone's head. Howell trips and goes down. Commanders settle for three. Hurts throws to Goedert is off-target and Emmanuel Forbes just misses a pick-six. Slant to Brown is a yard short, and they go for it. Hurts takes it left this time and picks it up. BIG catch by Smith! Booth reviews it and it (pretty obviously) stands. Elliott hits from 41 to end the half.

Sua Opeta replaces Cam Jurgens, who Pam reports has a foot injury. Covey in on offense? Perfect throw to A.J. for 28. Elliott makes it 17-13. That's not pass interference, either. Dotson has one go right through his hands. Kendall Fuller saves a big gain by Smith with a leg tackle. Hurts finds A.J., who follows his blockers and turns it into a 59-yuard touchdown! Hurts was roughed on the play, and the Eagles elect to take the penalty on the PAT and go for two. Gainwell gets it and it's 21-17 Eagles. Commanders use former quarterback Thomas to run their sneak on third and inches and it works. Slay shaken up. Howell gets away from Cox but not Morrow. Goedert with a diving catch after Kam Curl just misses the knockdown. Commanders can't get off the field. Eagles run it on third and 11 for... some reason, and Gainwell fumbles but Lane falls on it. Howell keeps running out of trouble. That hit might be late. It is, and it's costly, because he wouldn't have had the first down otherwise. Commanders try the Thomas sneak again but this time it gets stuffed. Refs call the illegal formation and not the false start, for some reason. Why'd they accept the penalty? Robinson scores and we're tied. Hurts evades a sack and gets to midfield. Refs rule that Crowder signaled for a fair catch at his own 6. Reddick's first sack is timely in his first game without the cast on his hand. Zaccheaus drops one but catches the next one. A.J.! Touchdown! But there's still 1:43 left, and A.J. got flagged for taunting afterward, so they'll be kicking off from the 20. Morrow with his THIRD sack today. Howell finds Diyami Brown on fourth and 2.

COVER McLAURIN YOU IDIOTS. Five seconds left. Howell throws incomplete to Samuel (who wasn't in the end zone anyway), but there's still one second left. Refs make it two. Touchdown Dotson as Jobe gets completely fooled. Commanders elect to tie it (???) and we're going to overtime.

Howell finds McLaurin but he can't stay inbounds. It goes to the booth. Call stands and the Commanders punt. Rare bad punt by Tress Way and the Eagles start at their own 41. Bubble screen to Smith comes up short. Now what? Sneak works! That was longer than usual. And I think Da'Ron Payne tried to go high and ended up gong over Hurts. Swift manages to stay inbounds and get a first down. Hurts gets called for intentional grounding on a miscommunication between him and A.J. that left Hurts throwing a long ball to nobody. They get nine yards back and here comes Elliott for a 54-yard try. It's GOOD! But it didn't need to be this way. (Eagles 34, Commanders 31, OT)

Um... Steelers? (Texans 30, Steelers 6)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-75)


Talk about a dude who bought his own hype. Like a one-man version of the PG/Hibbert Pacers. The Bears were up 28-7. What happened? (Broncos 31, Bears 28)


Also, Garoppolo just showed up in concussion protocol on, like, Thursday, so rookie Aiden O'Connell is starting at quarterback for the Raiders. This game is gonna SUCK. O'Connell with a rushing touchdown? What? Herbert throws into double coverage in the end zone and it's broken up. O'Connell fumbles! Chargers ball! Recent Chargers draft bust Jerry Tillery gets flagged for roughing. That won't help his status. They ejected him! Wow! Herbert to Allen for an easy touchdown and it's 17-7. NOW what? The Chargers suddenly have the ball again in the red zone? O'Connell fumbled on a sack? Wow. Fourth and goal at the 1 and Herbert dives for the touchdown. Mack gets two sacks to start the second half, and he's got four TODAY. Make it five. Raiders manage a field goal. Herbert with a bad throw and that gets picked. Mack's SIXTH sack of the game makes it 3rd and 35. Raiders punt on 4th and 30 instead of trying a 57-yard field goal. I dunno. At least they got the punt they wanted there. They force a three-and-out. O'Connell force-feeding Adams. Touchdown Jacobs! Raiders get the ball back with 3:30 left and this may be turning into a Chargering.

Great catch by Adams on the sideline. Interception! Asante Samuel Jr. baited the rookie and picked him off.

Though he probably shouldn't have slid down with so much time left. (Chargers 24, Raiders 17)

Where's Pollard? Rico Dowdle getting the work on this series. There he is, getting cut down on a sweep. Christian Gonzalez leaves the game with an in jury and Lamb immediately catches a touchdown over his replacement. 10-3 Cowboys. Zeke with a vintage carry. Mac finds Gesicki in a tight window. Juju gets 14 on third and 15. Patriots try the push and it doesn't work. Burkhardt: "The problem is nobody does this play as well as Philly does it."


Dak gets sandwiched. Jalen Tolbert buries the punt returner. Mac gets sacked — and the ball comes out! Vander Esch picks it up and scores. Then the Cowboys run a fake on the extra point and get two out of it. What's going on down there? Parsons into the blue tent with a leg issue. Ferguson gets flattened but hangs on for a 23-yard gain. Field goal makes it 21-3. And THAT'S why you're taught never to throw back across the field. Pick-six for Bland and it's 28-3.

Cowboys get the ball back and get to midfield, and McCarthy's clearly high on his own supply here trying a 66-yarder. False start puts an end to that foolishness. Things get chippy as the half ends.

Donovan Wilson pops Mac on a scramble, keeping him from a first down. And then Bland picks off Mac on fourth and 2! Pats hold them to a field goal, like it'll matter. Patriots aren't letting the Cowboys drive the stake in on offense, at least — they sack Dak on fourth and 3 to take over. Only to punt again. Mac's been pulled. The Patriots aren't good any more, you guys. (Cowboys 38, Patriots 3)

McCaffrey's going to beat the Cardinals all by himself, isn't he? Yeah, looks like it. Purdy only had one incompletion? (49ers 38, Cardinals 16)

Tirico: "She's here."


The intro is The Voice set and all about Taylor Swift because this game is going to be an absolute dud. Two straight catches by Kelce and no shots of Taylor's suite. DO YOUR JOB. Jets mange to hold them to a field goal, which is a glorious triumph. Pacheco breaks a tackle in the backfield and he's GONE. 48 yards! Cris highlights guard Trey Smith flattening Jordan Whitehead, who he mercifully does NOT name. Another big run by Pacheco along with two penalties on the Jets. Touchdown Noah Gray. 17-0. This Morstead punt landing at the 6 is the best play the Jets have so far. Wait, what? Jawaan Taylor gets called for a face mask in the end zone, giving the Jets a safety. Free kick goes into the end zone, which is rare. It looks like the officials got that one wrong — the grab was in the field of play — but McAuley says that the twist happened in the end zone. I don't know, and it probably won't matter.

Graphic shows how Wilson is much worse when he holds the ball for longer than 2.5 seconds. Lazard comes back to pull down a deep pass from Wilson. Field goal makes it 17-5. Ashton Davis (?) picks off Mahomes! Cobb with the extension to get the first down. Gipson on a reverse and it's first and goal. Touchdown C.J. Uzomah and this is, shockingly, a game.

Mosley drops what would have been another pick. Toney gets drilled. Butker makes a 37-yarder. Wait, the Jets' two Michael Carters went to Duke and Carolina? Legatron hits the upright and misses. Is Rodgers sitting in the bleachers? This time Mosley gets the interception! Eighteen seconds and two time outs. Hmmm. Zach takes off and gets to midfield. Half ends with a sack. Jets honor Joe Klecko at halftime. That's the second tough catch Tyler Conklin's made tonight. Jeremy Ruckert? This is the best football Zach Wilson's ever played. Touchdown Lazard. They go for two, Wilson keeps it, evades a sack, and gets there! We're somehow tied! Footage of Pacheco running interspersed with Marshawn Lynch, a comparison Tirico says Saleh made. Breece Hall takes off for 43 but the Jets can't do anything with it. Cris talking about how the Chiefs' big plays are gone with Hill and Mecole Hardman elsewhere (Hardman is actually on the Jets, but as Tirico pointed out earlier, he hasn't done much.) You could hear that pass get batted down. Encroachment? Sure. The hell of it is that Cris is 100 percent right about how taking off in the convertible with Travis after last week's game is the most freeing thing she's done in 20 years. Butker puts the Chiefs back in front with 10:30 left. Bad snap, Wilson fumbles, and it's Chiefs ball at midfield. One Mahomes scramble is called back for a penalty, but the subsequent one, a 25-yarder, stands. Chiefs now face third and 20 with Kelce catching his breath. Mahomes throws another interception but the Jets get called for holding, a call nobody seems to like. Pacheco picks up a key first down. Big game for him in his first pro game in New Jersey. (I believe it was mentioned last week that this is also Mahomes' first start in "New York".) Mahomes scrambles, gets the first down, and slides at the 2. Ball game. The Chiefs had the ball for the final six minutes or so.

(Chiefs 23, Jets 20)

This is a Manningcast game. Jamal Adams back. Peyton's already annoyed that Jones has passed up/missed two shots downfield. Giants run the sneak at the Seahawks' 27. It doesn't work!


Kenneth Murray was... not down? The graphic says touchdown as Murray rolled over a Giants defender, got up, kept running, stopped, then kept running to the end zone. Let's see. Yeah, his elbow hits the turf.

Peyton: "We talk about cheeks a lot." Call REVERSED and it turns into a two-yard loss. Adams headed to the locker room already? Giants muff this punt but retain possession. "This hasn't been a smooth game so far." Jones runs have been the Giants' best plays so far. Devon Witherspoon comes on a corner blitz and sacks Jones. Offsetting penalties on a Seahawks deep ball. Will Ferrell comes in early to compliment Peyton's acting, not just in his new film, but while demonstrating a play call earlier. Vintage Daniel Jones: gets sacked and fumbles. Seahawks ball at the Giants' 7. Geno rolls out and finds Metcalf for a touchdown, fulfilling Ferrell's prediction of a touchdown pass.

7-0 to end the first quarter. Why does Peyton have a Giants helmet? Now Ferrell's giving him plays. "Make it slippy." Brieda catches a wheel route but slips and is mad at himself afterwards. Will rates Eli's impression of him a 1.1, which is about right.

Geno's pass gets batted back to himself! He takes a two-yard loss. Thibodeaux (who Ferrell calls "the French kid") can't corral another deflection or he'd have had six. Now Geno's being looked at on the sideline after getting hit on that deflected pass. And the Giants have a new center at their own 1. Low snap but Jones salvages it and finds a first down. Witherspoon blows up what Eli thought was a double pass. He's been hitting people tonight. Gano makes a 55-yarder. Lock's still warming up, and he's coming in. Peyton: "I don't like seeing quarterbacks with action shots in the tunnel. That's the same room Rodgers went in." Noah Fant heads down the sideline and breaks several poor Giants tackles and... well, he'll be ruled down at the 2 after they look at this, but still.

Touchdown Murray and we've got more unpleasantries. Ty Woolen almost had a diving interception. This is a great punt. This Seahawks punt is also quite good, but the Giants ran into Dickson AND held on the back end, so the Seahawks keep the ball. There's a guy in an Eli jersey and a lucha mask and the girl next to him is rolling her eyes in disgust. Eli: "Is Taylor Swift at this game?" Peyton: "If she is, she left." Geno back out to start the third. He gets called for taunting? What? That flag should've been on the Giants for throwing Lockett out of bounds. They go for it inside the Giants 25 but Zach Charbonnet can't catch a rollout pass. Eli hates the call. "I feel like that's never open." Bobby Wagner sacks Jones. Jason Myers misses left from 53. Peyton wants the Giants to play Jalin Hyatt. Jones runs have been the Giants' best plays tonight. He's got them inside the 5. How are there still two minutes left in the third quarter? WITHERSPOON WITH A PICK SIX.


The Giants could be on their way to 1-8. Look at their schedule! Eli's center, Shaun O'Hara, joins the boys to start the fourth. Jones throws a long floater right to Quadray Diggs. There's only one problem. O'Hara talking about how he's been mistaken for Jeff Saturday on multiple occasions. How many sacks is that? (It ended up being 11.)

The brothers remember Dartmouth coach Buddy Teevens, who passed away last week, as Lock comes back in to finish this off.

(Seahawks 24, Giants 3)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. San Francisco (4-0) — The machine continues to churn
2. Philadelphia (4-0) — No smooth sailing this week
3. Buffalo (3-1) — An early statement
4. Detroit (3-1) — Another early statement
BOTTOM 4:
29. New England (1-3) — Haven't looked that bad in 35 years
30. N.Y. Giants (1-3) — Shouldn't they be better than this?
31. Chicago (0-4) — Everyone's taken a step back
32. Carolina (0-4) — This was their chance!

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