Wednesday, February 28, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Handle It

"Kardashian?" Really, Lions? Tirico's as confused as everyone else. Stafford launches an actual rocket. AND MARVIN JONES CATCHES IT!! I'm shocked that wasn't picked off. Third and 1 from the 3 and the Lions are in the shotgun. Touchdown T.J. Jones. Little Rockettes action afterwards. Is this Kurt Warner in the booth? (It is.) Tarik Cohen! Out at the Lions' 12! But it's probably coming back. Official shaken up? So now the Bears will start from their own 10. This might be a fumble by Riddick. It is! 12 seconds left and the Bears have a chance to do something. Mike Nugent's a Bear? OK. Field goal is good and it's 13-3 Lions at halftime. Abdullah with some moves. Feels like all the Lions have are change-of-pace backs. Touchdown Ebron on a nice throw from Stafford — just enough touch and perfect positioning. Trubisky doing the best he can with these scrap-heap receivers. This is four-down territory for the Bears. They need a touchdown. That's an interception. Tate schooling dudes. Back-to-back sacks will put an end to that. Trubisky picks it up himself. Cunningham scores but it's too late. They kicked it deep? The hell?


There's that, too. (Lions 20, Bears 10)

Man, things change in six weeks. Muffed punt! WILD scramble. That ball went back 10 more yards. Chiefs come up with it, thankfully for them. Smith working on Kelce early. A Hill first down is taken out by a chop block. Chiefs get 14 back, then go for it on 4th and 3 from the Chargers' 35 and a pass to Hunt picks it up. Field goal is good. Tyreek Hill just killed Casey Hayward. I mean, he's dead. Gordon powers into the end zone. Extra point is no good. Smith came closer to getting stripped of the ball on that inside run than anyone wants to acknowledge. They need to go down the field. 52-yard field goal MISSES. Truman Museum B-roll. Gordon just slipped or something on that catch and run. Keenan Allen's been killing it the last six weeks. Touchdown Antonio Gates. That's never happened before. Chiefs should probably strike back here. Three tight ends and Hunt catches a touchdown pass. Rivers gets picked off by Marcus Peters. Gotta secure that ball, kid. Oh, he switched hands. OK. This is a good, patient runback. Rivers: "Where are you going?" Sounds like Williams ran the wrong route or something. Peters returns it inside the 10. Touchdown Hunt? No. Chiefs challenge. Call stands. Chiefs settle for three. Chargers fumble! Chiefs ball! That's their second turnover in about three minutes, and part of what powered their run back into it was protecting the football. Chiefs get another field goal and it's 23-13. Rivers under pressure again and he throws ANOTHER pick. He's on his back and so is Parker, who also recovered the fumble before. Hunt with a sidestep and a clear path into the end zone. Another pick and we're done here, and one step closer to Panthers-Falcons being the Week 17 flex. (Chiefs 30, Chargers 13)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, NYJ @ NO, NE @ PIT, TEN @ SF (end)

Those two Eli stats against the Eagles (27 touchdown passes; 10-16 record) sum up his career against the Eagles pretty perfectly. Giants get the ball first. Smart double move call by Spagnolo and executed by Lewis. Giants running a quick pace. Holding on Mills cancels out a drive-ending sack. Touchdown Darkwa.


PAT is BLOCKED. Here's Nick Foles, with a nicely lofted pass to Jeffery to start. Foles with a Wentz-like move to avoid pressure. Did Jeffrey step out of bounds before that? Spielman sees what I saw. Call stands. You know who's good is Evan Engram.
Mills got owned on that touchdown pass. Not a lot of defense being played so far. Foles with a very late throw. Again, not a lot of defense being played so far as Shepard romps for 67 yards. 20-7 Giants. Hey, a stop. Pederson challenging this Smith incompletion on the sideline. I... can't tell. Call stands but Foles hits an open Ertz on the next play. Been a rough last few weeks for Eli Apple. Eagles go for 4th and 1. Handoff to Blount and that's not even close. Eli throws an interception right to Darby, and bad tackling by the Giants on the return. Ajayi just makes the marker on third down. Touchdown Ertz. BLOCKED PUNT. Jesus. NO ONE blocked Grugier-Hill. What the hell. Then Burton finds himself completely wide open in the end zone for a touchdown. He had time to light a real campfire.


This Shepard catch is a catch, guys. It's not even close. What the hell? And that personal foul on Bradham is the second call they've blown on this drive. Vereen clearly shoved him first. Eli misses Engram and that almost gets intercepted. Giants settle for a field goal. 23-21 Giants at the half, somehow. Two great catches by Jeffrey and Ertz on this drive. Elliott puts Philly back in front. There's your weekly big Ajayi run that doesn't end in the end zone. Touchdown Agholor! That's four for Foles.
Offsides on a PUNT? Come on, guys. This is close. Does King's right foot touch down on the sideline? Nope. Touchdown Giants after some crazy body control. Giants go for two and Eli gets sacked. Jones almost dropped the ball on that punt. Robinson down, and this isn't great. Good, he's walking off. You know who's been good today is Wayne Gallman. Field goal is BLOCKED. SPECIAL TEAMS. That was Jenkins. Ertz does a good job staying on his feet and converting a third down. Foles with a sneak after an Ajayi run. This is close. He just got it. Agholor left uncovered for another first down. Giants bottle up Ertz and Smith is tackled before he can score. Elliott makes it 34-29. Did Lewis catch that? Wow. FIGHT. Surprisingly, no flags because that was a donnybrook. Eli killing the Eagles with slants on this drive. Two minutes left. Giants run it on third and goal? OK. I mean, they need a touchdown anyway, but. I guess they wanted the Eagles to burn a time out? They go to Engram and that's overthrown. Giants want an flag for interference but that was uncatchable. (Eagles 34, Giants 29)

Big run by Ingram after the catch. Where did he go out? Great block by Michael Thomas. Shame they only got three out of that. Bryce Petty time! Is Christian Hackenberg just a complete bust or what? Ingram already with three catches. This isn't a touchdown. Call reversed. Ingram finishes it off. Jets? Jets! Touchdown! Oh, Kamara's back this week. You know who's good is Robby Anderson.
Interception Saints. Fumble! Three and out? Good job, Jets. This Thomas catch isn't a touchdown — his left foot is on the end line. Overturned. That's the second time today this has happened to him. And then the Saints fumble AGAIN and the Jets get it! And they fail to capitalize, as is their wont. Somehow they're still in this game. Finally, Thomas brings in a touchdown. (Saints 31, Jets 19)

The Jaguars just made the playoffs without a quarterback or a head coach. Anything really is possible. (Jaguars 45, Texans 7)



Appropriate: Teddy Bridgewater returns the same day the Bengals just up and leave. (Vikings 34, Bengals 7)

There's the first big Cooks catch. Touchdown Burkhead, which has been happening a lot in the last month. Antonio Brown for MVP? Steelers picking on Stephon Gilmore early. Eli Rogers beats Eric Rowe for a touchdown to tie it. Also it looks like Martavis Bryant is back in the Steelers' good graces. Brown with an uncharacteristic drop in the end zone. Brown being helped off to an "MVP" chant. Field goal is good.


Bryant beats Gilmore for the touchdown! 17-10 Steelers at halftime. Romo spots the Patriots' false start as it happens. Pass to White after it's 3rd and 6 comes up short. Pats going for it! 4th and 1 from the Steelers 19. GRONK. He then drops a touchdown on 2nd and goal. And there's a slant to Cooks for the score. Romo: "He thought about (running) and then he remembered he was 40." Extra point MISSES. Brady picked off by Vince Williams (Shazier's replacement). Bell manhandling Pats defenders on this drive. Literally, in that case. Touchdown Steelers! Patriots starting to pick up the pace in Steelers territory. Some bad overthrows here. They settle for three. 24-19. Sean Davis just dropped an interception. Next play, 26 yards to Gronk. Romo called this. Gronk again. Did the Steelers let the Patriots score there? Kinda looks like it? I dunno. Juju? JUJU! If he could have gone down the sideline he'd have scored. As it is, the Steelers have it at the 10.


TOUCHDOWN ROAD DOGG!! They'll review it. Why is this taking so long? They're reviewing control? The ball never leaves his hand! Oh, God, they're gonna overturn this. FUCK.






INTERCEPTION IN THE END ZONE. The Steelers can't beat this team.



Every fucking break. That's just gross.






(Patriots 27, Steelers 24)

How long is THIS kick? It's good. Garoppolo out here throwing darts. Gould up. IT'S GOOD. (49ers 25, Titans 23)

(Rams 42, Seahawks 7)

Fun fact: The Cowboys have NEVER been flexed OUT of a Sunday Night game they were originally scheduled in. The loser tonight can fuck right off. Were the teams just flipped for a second in the score bug? Sean Smith picks off Prescott. Raiders stall out. Bailey field goal is good. "Slow Hand"? Really, NBC DJ? Dak scrambling like a madman for no real reason. Touchdown Smith, eventually. Crabtree recovers his own fumble for the Raiders' biggest play so far. And they still can't score. Raiders' defense is playing well, though. Things starting to happen for the Raiders on this two-minute drill. I should mention no Amari Cooper tonight. Raiders lose their last time out. Touchdown! NOPE. OPI on Cook. Field goal is... no good! Went over the upright and out. Snap looked like it was slightly offline, too. So 10-0 Cowboys at halftime. Patterson doing what he does best — break kickoff returns. Too bad it's coming back. David Carr is STREAKING. He runs better than Prescott. Lynch sets up first and goal with a strong run. Touchdown Crabtree to finish off a 90-yard drive that didn't need to be. Interception! Smith high-steps it back for a touchdown. Wait, what? He may have been down by contact? Yeah, looks like it. Still Raiders ball. Looks like Irvin tipped the ball just as Prescott threw it. Field goal is good and we're tied. COWBOYS FAKE PUNT. Dude has wheels. More Prescott runs. And he finishes it off with a touchdown. Another big return by Patterson is saved when his fumble at the end goes out of bounds. Roberts with a juggling catch. Cowboys challenge this for some reason, but you never know anymore. Call stands. Touchdown Crabtree and we're tied again. Raiders challenge a spot... and win? Cowboys go for it on 4th and 1 from their own 40. Chains are out, and they're huddled around it.


My God, that's close. First down! Al and Cris are stunned. "I've never seen this." Dez with a really good leaping catch. Al: "High tech is now dead, is it not?" Morris is denied at the goal line... twice. Gotta kick this, right? Bailey's out. Good. That's an obvious DPI on Jourdan Lewis, and the Raiders pull out a do-or-die 4th and 10. Collinsworth suggests that Crabtree wasn't even trying to make the catch as much as draw the foul. Carr scrambles... and fumbles out of the end zone. It's a terrible rule — because the defense wouldn't get a fumble if it went out of bounds in the field of play — but it's a touchback. 


crosses off Raiders (Cowboys 20, Raiders 17)


RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (12-2) — Foles passes the first test
2. New England (11-3) — So. Much. Good. Fortune.
3. Pittsburgh (11-3) — Will they ever beat the Patriots again?
4. (tie) Minnesota (10-4) — Of COURSE Bridgewater would recover from a year-plus injury before Sam Bradford would
4. (tie) Jacksonville (10-4) — Seriously, this is amazing

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (4-10) — When's the last time John Fox was a good head coach?
30. Indianapolis (3-11) — Even Luck couldn't protect the sins of this roster
31. N.Y. Giants (2-12) — Unexpected chaos
32. Cleveland (0-14) — This is happening, isn't it?

Posted by at No comments:

Monday, February 19, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Coming In Waves

That... was not a good sequence, Matt Ryan. And yet somehow he's going to bring the Falcons back. It just feels like it. There it is. Matt Bryant from 52 because of course. Deion Jones AGAIN! Dude just seems to live to make big plays against the Saints. Still, Brees probably could have waited on that one. (Falcons 20, Saints 17)

Signal Finder: MIN @ CAR, DAL @ NYG, GB @ CLE (end), PHI @ LAR

Interception? Neither side does this. Strange. Panthers stack their line heavily to the right. Touchdown Stewart! The whole O-line was to the right of the center and the Panthers just blew the Vikings up. That's a nice throw by Keenum to Rudolph for the touchdown. McCaffrey fighting for yards after a pitch and earns a first down. Stewart bulldozes through the Vikings' defense this time, twice, finishing in the end zone the second time. That Walter Payton Man of the Year uniform patch is exceptionally cool. There's also a helmet sticker for this year's nominees. Vikings almost gave away that punt. Olsen limping off yet again. Hmmm. Is Keenum down here? This is a booth review. They're gonna say he's down, so it's a sack. And his knee is down before he throws it, so yeah. Keenum then runs for about 14 on 2nd and 16. Laquon Treadwell with a critical catch, then he draws a pass interference penalty to get 1st and goal. Thielen's gotta catch that. Next play Mike Adams tips the pass away from Rudolph. Third time's the charm as Thielen jumps and hauls it in. He did juggle it but it never hits the ground. See, in a normal society, that's a touchdown. Overturned. Such bullshit. Vikings settle for three. How did Funchess get so open? Touchdown Panthers. Wait, what? They're saying Keenum fumbled that? Oh. Ohhh. That's closer than I thought it was. Panthers ball! Gano cashes in. Big-time sack by Peppers, who's 37 — also, the Vikings' line just collapsed. It's 4th and 9 and the Vikings may be stuck here. They punt. Ladies and gentlemen, Cam Newton. Stewart goes airborne! Touchdown? Touchdown!

That ball broke the plane before it was knocked out. Nantz recalling that Stewart did the same thing in Super Bowl 50, which he called. (Panthers 31, Vikings 24)

Tyrod's hurt. Also, this game is apparently being played on Hoth.



Gotta slide there, Peterman. I'm surprised it didn't just happen automatically in these conditions. Joe Webb in at quarterback. I mean, this is what we're dealing with:

Touchdown Colts! Go for two; dear Lord. Got it! WHAT?? The Colts just got robbed. You literally can't have pass interference on a 2-yard pass! SO now they have to kick it in this absolute mess. It's GOOD! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Now Viniatieri's got another chance. HOOKS IT LEFT. OVERTIME. Are... are the Bills punting? On 4th and 1 in Colts territory in overtime? They're PUNTING? My God. They were fortunate to get that stop. 10 on the Bills was falling down and twisted around and still caught that. How can they see the flags in all of this snow? Hauschka out? Nope. McCoy! TOUCHDOWN BILLS! (Bills 13, Colts 7, OT)

ELI BACK. Also, the Giants fired Ben McAdoo last week, which is so out of character for that franchise that I'm wondering if they've been taken over by pod people. Giants out here with three offensive linemen, just on purpose this time. HEYO. Oh, he missed. Can't miss that. Giants DRIVING. Why call a draw on 3rd and 14? You're 2-10, for God's sake. Field goal is good after a penalty and it's 3-3. Whoa, nice stretch by James Hanna (backup TE) for a big play on first down. Bailey CLANGS off the post and it's no good! Cowboys straight up forget to cover Evan Engram. Is this a touchdown? Oh, OK, Davis just explained that Ellison wasn't touched, so he can roll into the end zone. Dez makes a catch against tight coverage, shakes off the defender, and strolls into the end zone. Tied at 10 at halftime. I mean, JPP may be washed, but you still should block him just on principle. Bailey misses AGAIN! What is happening? This is the third time that the announces have mentioned that Jason Witten warned them that the Giants would be extra inspired today in the aftermath of the firings. Apparently inspiration is finite, because Cole Beasley just lit them up for 54 yards. Touchdown Witten. Again, who is Rod Smith? That really got out of hand fast.


(Cowboys 30, Giants 10)

The Packers tie it, because these are the Cleveland Browns and losing this game is a fireable offense. Second straight overtime game for the Packers. Kizer... I have no idea what the hell that was. He panicked and threw up a horrible interception. Hundley finds Adams to convert a third down. Adams takes a pitch... and scores! (Packers 27, Browns 21, OT)

This is legitimately the biggest win for the Jaguars in, what, eight years? Too bad it was ruined by all that bullshit at the end. (Jaguars 30, Seahawks 24)

Who had this game being important before the season? YOU LIE. Sky is surprisingly clear. Look, this Goff-Wentz thing isn't going away. That's a pick? Geez. Yeah, clean catch after Agholor couldn't catch it. Gurley gets free for 30, then scores on the next play.


Clement breaks off a good gain on a well-blocked screen. Celek gets interfered with in the end zone, so it's first and goal. (No Ertz today.) Blount stuffed. False start cancels out a successful Wentz sneak.  Touchdown Celek. Flying V! Crowd not quite as pro-Eagles as it was for the Chargers game, but it's still pretty loud. Aikman just called them "San Diego." That's gonna be a thing for a few years, I suspect. That's a big DPI on Jeffery. Hollins drops a touchdown as the defender falls down. It's Webster, who got the interception on the first drive. Looks like he grabbed his Achilles. Cart's out. Wentz fires one into a covered Burton for a touchdown. Some expert spying on Goff by Patrick Robinson. Wentz looks like your classic immobile pocket passer and then he does stuff like that, scrambling around and making moves to find Jeffery. Ajayi with a trademark big run. Eagles go for it on 4th and 1 and Wentz... throws to Agholor for 18. He's picked up his game since pitching away the interception. Burton with another touchdown catch. That's three to the tight ends without Ertz. Bradley Cooper in the house! This defense is GOOD. And the Eagles are doing this with relative ease. Cooper Kupp with two nice moves to turn a short pass into a 64-yard gain. Bad throw by Goff and Bradham almost intercepts it. He had a man behind the defense but the throw wasn't high enough. Kupp reaches around the pylon and through Mills for the score. Cox folds everything up. Defenses starting to hold on here. Never challenge spots, but I'd challenge this one. This isn't even close. Flag is out.
Rams must now punt. Don't understand that delayed handoff call. Torrey Smith with the bailout, and Wentz's arm may have been hit on that pass. Eagles are over 300 yards of offense, but Wentz's protection falls apart and they'll have to kick. Good. 24-14 at halftime. Rams getting the drive they needed right now. Kupp again. Slant to Watkins for the touchdown. BLOCKED PUNT. TOUCHDOWN RAMS. You couldn't think this was going to be easy. That's what's known as a costly pass interference penalty. Wentz scramble for a touchdown is called back by holding. Touchdown Jeffrey! Eagles get the lead back. Wait, what? Knee injury? That sounds bad. And Erin saying that the support staff were shaking their heads REALLY sounds bad. The Eagles have time to run the ball more on this dive than they have been. Lot of penalties here. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. That's ex-Ram Chris Long with the forced fumble. This is... better? Not really. More penalties. Elliott from 54 is good — but the Rams get flagged for leverage, which is 15 yards and an automatic first down. Some strangeness later, Elliott hits from 33 and the Eagles regain the lead.
Gurley gets stuffed. Not sure about this decision to punt. 2:02 left after the punt, which is important. Eagles run the ball and Ajayi stays inbounds. Agholor with a big catch there. He hasn't scored but he's had a big game since the interception. Ajayi ALMOST fumbles at the worst possible time, but hangs on and stays inbounds. They still have to punt. Honestly, these might be the two best punters in the league. Rams try the multiple handoffs and Brandon Graham ends up with it and scores.
Division champs! Now... we wait. (Eagles 43, Rams 35)

This highlight package right here is the reason this game wasn't flexed out. (That, and Fox's slate was horrible. They protected Eagles-Rams like it was a cancer cure.) I'm just waiting for the Ravens to realize that Alex Collins is their best back and should be getting 20 touches. Danny Woodhead's back? I thought he blew his knee up again. What the hell was that throw, Flacco? Maclin was doubled and he underthrew it, leading to a pick. Offsetting penalties after the play, so it's still Steelers ball. Suggs actually shouted out Arizona State for the first time I can remember. The power of Herman Edwards! Bell with the touchdown catch. I don't need him scoring touchdowns. (It's a fantasy thing.)
Brown with a nice catch on the sideline. Brandon Carr stays getting roasted. Then he holds Brown on the next play and gets away with it. The other guy, however, does not. Touchdown Bell. Chris Moore (?) scores. Who is Chris Moore? Collins! Touchdown! They took my advice! Wait, what? The refs just said they wanted to review the Rogers catch (Why? It was clean) after the next play went off. What's going on? So, nothing then? Boswell field goal is good and the Steelers also decline a penalty. 20-14 at halftime. Collins does Irish step dancing? What? Somehow the Steelers let Mike Wallace get open. Wind indicator? Not sure I've seen that before. Justin Tucker laughs at your crosswinds, Heinz Field. Collins with another big run. Not sure they'd have won a challenge there, Cris. Allen takes it in and the Ravens are suddenly ahead. This playoff discussion just pointed out that we're in a world where the Jaguars having a first-round bye is in play. Another big run by Collins, then the Steelers get hit with a personal foul. Flacco almost threw another God-awful interception but Wallace bailed him out. I wouldn't have called that on Burns. Touchdown by the fullback! Nearly pitching that kickoff isn't going to make Bryant any friends. Collinsworth notes that the Bengals looked terrible today after last week's street fight. Ravens rookie Marlon Humphrey is Bobby Humphrey's son, which I suspect I heard at one point but forgot. Crowd is all over the refs for that unsportsmanlike call on Brown, and I think I agree with them. Ben incomplete to Bell in the end zone and both teams want a flag. Neither gets one, and probably neither should get one. Cris agrees. Boswell's kick is good. Facts are facts: the Steelers are really missing Shazier tonight.


Brown! Some great open-field running on that one after Ben changed the protection at the line. Brandon Carr is getting used and abused. FULLBACK TOUCHDOWN. Steelers go for two and there's DPI. Second try is... NO GOOD. 31-29. Steelers definitely not getting any home cooking from the officials tonight. Allen scores. 38-29 Ravens.
These Bell touchdowns are killing me. That's an excellent punt by Koch after a bad Ravens offensive series with two incomplete passes that took about 40 seconds. Steelers facing a 3rd and 13 and Road Dogg converts. I mean, if they're gonna keep Carr on Brown, I'm going to Brown every time. The Steelers have won three straight games on a last-second field goal? Is that a record? Ravens get pressure to save themselves. Boswell in and it's good with 42 seconds left. Roethlisberger's thrown for 506. 506!!! This Maclin injury just cost the Ravens their last time out. Maclin's... out of bounds here. Flacco gets run down by T.J. Watt and fumbles out of bounds. What? They ran the clock and the game's over? Wow.
(Steelers 39, Ravens 38)

I mean, at this point, we pretty much know Tom Brady's never buying a second home in South Florida, right? (Dolphins 27, Patriots 20)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (11-2) — ...So now what?
2. Pittsburgh (11-2) — This last-second victory thing is becoming a habit
3. New England (10-3) — That was... something
4. (tie) Minnesota (9-4) — All streaks end
4. (tie) Jacksonville (9-4) — They beat WHO?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (4-9) — Best Trubisky to date
30. Indianapolis (3-10) — Weather as a metaphor
31. N.Y. Giants (2-11) — Well, that didn't last
32. Cleveland (0-13) — Sure blew THAT one

Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)