Thursday, November 23, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Drop Down, Drop Out

Schedule's weird this season. Didn't get to see this but caught some of the replay and highlights. (Going for two after a defensive penalty on the extra point? GANGSTA.) And what I'm wondering, besides this, which is related to it:


I'm not sure, even on a short week, how you don't figure out that the best way to attack the Eagles deep is probably still to test the corners on the outside. Don't go down the middle of the field where the safeties can come in and give help. Make them stay with your outside receivers. Fifty is a lot. I mean, Stewart looks washed, and McCaffrey's not running between the tackles as effectively as he did in college. But still. Cam's fine, by the way. Although after the game he was dressed like he'd joined The Time. (Eagles 28, Panthers 23)

Signal Finder: GB @ MIN, NE @ NYJ, SF @ WSH (end), PIT @ KC



Seriously, what is happening in Chicago? (I know what's happening in Baltimore: Joe Flacco isn't good any more.) (Bears 27, Ravens 24, OT)

It's that time of year when we rediscover how shallow Fox's play-by-play roster is. Designed runs for Case Keenum. What are we doing anymore? No Montgomery this week. Rodgers takes a hit after Bennett drops a pass and he's down. He comes off and Brett Hundley(?) is in. He's on the cart? Oh, that is a DEVELOPMENT. Nice rolling catch by Thielen. Big pass play to McKinnon but it's coming back. This one WILL count. Touchdown Vikings. Safety blitz gets to Hundley. What's with Fox's off-brand start times for college games? Not a good punt. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Clay with a huge return. Speed up! Packers needed that. Hundley to Adams for a touchdown. "Jungle Love"? Nice job, Fox. They're reviewing this Rudolph catch? OVERTURNED. I'm actually stunned McCarthy challenged that in the first place. Rudolph caught that one. Touchdown McKinnon.
Intercepted by Randall. Yeah, no way Keenum saw Martinez, who deflected it. Montgomery(!) destroys the coverage but drops a touchdown pass. Crosby with the field goal. Vikings driving. Martinez has been active today for the Packers. Treadwell's mad but that's an illegal blindside block. First and 40! This last 55 seconds is gonna take two hours. What are they doing with all three of their time outs and just standing around? Packers confirming nothing on Rodgers, which is... concerning. And the guy who put him out, Anthony Barr, is out with a concussion. McKinnon didn't catch that. The VIKINGS called time out? That's a waste because the Packers are sure to challenge this now. They DIDN'T? Jesus Christ, McCarthy. This is why you suck. Packers hold and the Vikings' field goal is good.


Oh. Well. What are the Packers doing now? Are they gonna snap this punt? Nelson's under center? This was a really elaborate attempt to draw the Vikings offside that wasn't actually necessary (because it wasn't going to work). Treadwell's started off on the bad part of the Cordarrelle Patterson career arc so far. The Vikings could really use him to start getting good.


Hundley with the interception, his first actual mistake. That looks good. Teddy Bridgewater talk now. He might come back this season? (Vikings 23, Packers 10)

Jeremy Kerley's back with the Jets? That's a great catch. Maybe try the left side. McCown gives up, passes, and that's touchdown Jets. Gronk's left arm's been replaced with a cannon. Fumble? FUMBLE. Jets ball! McCown chose the Jets over joining the Browns' coaching staff and that actually may have been the right choice.


Holy hell, Kerley again! Touchdown Jets and it's 14-0. That's a late hit on the Patriots. It's NOT? Refs say it was a hit to the chest. It was still late. Morris Claiborne's on the Jets? Are they desperate? I'm not gonna say Skrine should have picked that off, but he could have. That's pass interference. Touchdown Patriots. I think. Yes. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Terrible play call on 3rd and 2. Rolling McCown out? Seriously? That's a good job by 58 to save that touchdown. No idea why the Panthers traded Kony Ealy. Even less of an idea why the Patriots cut him. Gostkowski MISSES. He's losing it. Then McCown throws an interception to Butler, who played it perfectly. Did Cooks stay inbounds? Wow! He's had a lot of those kind of catches this year. Touchdown Gronk and we're tied because they're still the Jets. Gronk runs through the coverage and the Patriots take the lead. McCown running? That's their second time out already? Jeez. The Jets just got hosed, guys. I mean, I don't know. He never LOST the ball.


Consensus on this question seemed to be "offense gets the ball at the point where it was fumbled", which seems... OK? I just have a problem with the defense getting the ball in that situation without actually having to recover it. That's a free rush by the DB and McCown was lucky to get away. Fouts just called the Seferian-Jenkins play "one of the worst calls I've ever seen." Jets driving? Nnnnnnope. (Patriots 24, Jets 17)

C.J. Beathard? Really, 49ers? Good Lord, Hopkins botched that extra point. Booth reviewing this Garcon play on the sideline. It's a catch, reversing the call on the field. I thought Beathard dropped that snap. Offensive PI on Garcon? Oh, that's a killer. SNAP THE BALL. Why did the Redskins call time out? That helps the 49ers. Beathard has to know he has to throw it to the sideline. Interception!


(Redskins 26, 49ers 24)



We're going to be having this discussion for YEARS. (Texans 33, Browns 17)

BAD SNAP SAFETY. Steelers DBs clapping like they had something to do with it. LOL. SPECIAL TEAMS. Chiefs ball! What was ALL of that? Lord. Field goal is good and it's 3-2. Steelers leaning on the running game more than they have been. Bell is so patient. Touchdown. So speed-bagging the goal stanchion is illegal. Got it. It's amazing that Cam Erving's still in the league. He's legitimately terrible. What happened on that interception? Wrong route? That ball went right to Peters. That's a good punt. OHHHH. This is CLOSE. Steelers challenge. Call stands; Steelers ball at the 1. Whoa. Good route by Vance McDonald to get out of there. So Dupree left his feet to hit Alex Smith, who intentionally grounded the ball to avoid it. OK. Have I not mentioned the Chiefs offense at all this half? They have SIX YARDS. I didn't even realize that.


Big catch-and-run by Hunt for the first big Chiefs play of the game. THERE it is. DeAnthony Thomas with a 57-yard touchdown. This is Bell's best game this year by far. I... what? WHAT?? Forget how Brown caught it for a moment. How was that not picked off TWICE??


(Steelers 19, Chiefs 13)



REVERSE JINX. (Chargers 17, Raiders 16)



Guys, the Giants might not score 100 points the rest of the season. THE ENTIRE SEASON. Roger Lewis and Tavarres King are the G-Men's starting wide receivers. Pugh's at right tackle now? The Broncos have a surprisingly high amount of Kansas players on that defense. We were also robbed of a meeting of the two Brandon Marshalls. Two big plays from Evan Engram already. Wait, it's first and goal? Broncos defense tightens up and Eli gets sacked. Muff? Hmmm. Did he fair catch this? Apparently, since the refs called fair catch interference. Never heard DRC described as "great". Nice move by Sanders after that catch. McManus shanks the field goal attempt. Badly. That's his fourth miss at home this year, says Al. Darkwa finds a big hole for a big gain. Touchdown... Giants?
This a fumble? Nope, down by contact, refs say. That IS an interception. Did Thomas not see it? Good job by the Broncos to hold on there. Nice catch by Thomas. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Touchdown Giants! A bad decision by Siemian and Jenkins makes him pay with a pick-six. OSWEILER LIVES?!?!? Siemian being taken to the locker room.


He'll be OK to start the second half, we're told. Wait, what, Al? "The Giants are having a worse week than Harvey Weinstein."


Oh, that's not good for Sanders. He's being helped off. And the Broncos have already lost Thomas for the moment. Are the Giants spreading their curse? Is this that movie "Fallen"?


This Broncos punt returner is struggling. And now he's hurt. He's being taken off on a cart. There's still 10 minutes left? And Thomas is back in and just drew a pass interference penalty. Gotta go for it. NOPE. Joseph challenges because why not. I can't overturn this. Yep. Call stands. Turnover on downs. Darkwa blasts through a hole for 20 yards.


Fumble? Nah, he's down. They'll reverse this. Yep. Touchdown Broncos. That was a lot of words to say "This was a trap game," Al. I did NOT see this coming. (Giants 23, Broncos 10)


Hey, the Titans won a game people actually saw. (Titans 36, Colts 22)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (5-1) — A familiar roadblock made of steel
2. Philadelphia (5-1) — That was unexpectedly easy
3. Carolina (4-2) — There are no great teams this year
4. New England (4-2) — Same as it ever was...

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (2-4) — An underreported disaster
30. N.Y. Giants (1-5) — Still bad
31. Cleveland (0-6) — Well, that was SO much more effective
32. San Francisco (0-6) — So close. OK, not really
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Thursday, November 9, 2017

This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race

So three weeks ago, ESPN's Bomani Jones made this observation:









I thought 11 seemed high. Then I thought about it some more. Let's dive into this, shall we? (These aren't in any kind of order except the one I thought of them in.)

1. N.Y. Giants.  Eli will be 37 four days after the season ends. The Giants are 1-7 with two decent offensive linemen, no running backs, and no linebackers. They did draft Davis Webb in the third round this year, but unless they put him in and the Dak Prescott lightning bolt strikes again, looking for a higher-caliber long-term solution may be the best play.

2. Arizona. I'm mildly surprised they didn't grab one this year. They were rumored to be interested in Patrick Mahomes, but the Chiefs jumped up and grabbed him, taking them off this list. And with Carson Palmer (who'll be 38 at season's end) now done for the year with a broken arm, well...

 3. San Francisco. Saved a little money by letting Colin Kaepernick walk instead of releasing him, signed Brian Hoyer and Matt Barkley, then traded for the Patriots' Jimmy Garoppolo just before the deadline. Not the most inspiring set of moves.

4. Jacksonville. Blake Bortles ended up being better than Blaine Gabbert, but he's still bad. We know what Chad Henne is, and that's a career backup. But could they be gun-shy after missing twice on high draft picks?

5. Cleveland. Look, brass tacks here: Deshone Kizer isn't ready. Neither is Kevin Hogan. Or Cody Kessler, who may actually be their best option. Their biggest problem at this present time seems to be committing to a guy, and they don't have a lot invested in these three. If they did have a major investment in someone, that might change.

 6. Minnesota. This may seem like a surprising one, but they don't have a single quarterback under contract for next season. Sam Bradford's mediocre when he's healthy, and he's never healthy. Case Keenum can't keep this up. And who knows what, if anything, they'll ever get out of Teddy Bridgewater, who's reportedly close to coming back from that horrific leg injury he suffered last season.

7. N.Y. Jets. Josh McCown is 38. Neither Bryce Petty or Christian Hackenberg were good enough to supplant him this season. The Jets let all of their few good players leave in an obvious attempt to tank for a top quarterback prospect and are a surprising 4-5. They may not get what they want.

8. L.A. Chargers. (God, I'll never get used to that.) Philip Rivers is 35 and really doesn't want to be in Los Angeles, to the point that there were rumors that he had threatened to retire if the franchise moved. Well, he hasn't -- yet -- but the Chargers might want to think about finding a star to groom to get some people into their soccer stadium.

 9. Denver. Man, John Elway has low-key completely botched this. He was ready to overpay Brock Osweiler but the Texans turned out to be even crazier. Their first-round pick two years ago, Paxton Lynch, couldn't beat out a seventh-rounder in an open competition two years in a row, and now he's hurt. They brought Osweiler back and he hasn't been any better. And one more thing: Vance Joseph, the head coach, is in his first year. He has no attachment to any of these guys.

10. Pittsburgh. Ben Roethlisberger is 35 with the aches and pains of a man twice that age. Landry Jones, arguably the second-best quarterback in the God-awful 2013 class, still doesn't project as a starter. And this is the franchise that passed up a chance to have Dan Marino succeed Terry Bradshaw. The Steelers might want to get in on the ground floor for a new guy.

11. Washington. Kirk Cousins is an impending free agent after having been hit with the franchise tag for two straight seasons. Neither side has shown any inclination to discuss a long-term deal. Colt McCoy's their only other quarterback, and his deal runs out next year. If Cousins leaves, they'll need a guy.

12. Buffalo. Mostly because they seem hell-bent on dumping Tyrod Taylor, who's only helped them get to 5-3 while seemingly having to break in a new wide receiver every week.

That's already 12, as you can see. I could also make a case for the Ravens (Flacco's regression has to be concerning), Saints (Brees is 38), and maaaaaybe even the Dolphins (is Tannehill really the answer?) That brings you to 15, which is almost half the league. No wonder ratings are down.

Caveat: Whatever number you come up with, you're going to have to subtract two, because somebody's going to give Cousins too much money, and somebody else is going to give Garoppolo way too much money. (The 49ers trading for him doesn't change that; it just makes it more likely that they'll be the ones to do it.)

Now we come to the bigger problem: Numbers. Assume we're holding at 10 (12-2). Ten quarterbacks were drafted this year; four in the first two rounds. Last year, 15 quarterbacks were drafted; four in the first two rounds. In 2015, only seven were drafted; two in the first round. In 2014, 14 were drafted; five in the first two rounds. 2013, 11 and two. 2012, 11 and five(!).

That's... not enough quarterbacks even if they were to all pan out, and of the 68 quarterbacks drafted in the last five years, 22 aren't in the league. Some are going to draft guys who bust out. Some are going to throw money at mediocrity when they figure this out. And some teams are gonna have to wait until next year.

And they may not be able to afford to.

Desperate moves are coming.

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Sunday, November 5, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Wounded Exits

I mean... short week, coming off a loss, on the road, no Gronk... the Pats could absolutely lose this.


Or not. This is why you don't trade up for kickers. Because they flame out, and then you're forced into making even more bad decisions to cover for that one. Bucs somehow still cover. (Patriots 19, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: AZ @ PHI, CAR @ DET (end), BAL @ OAK, GB @ DAL

Tarp was on this morning. Getting paired with Chris Myers seems like a demotion for Moose. Crowd goes nuts for a neutral zone infraction on the Cardinals. Ertz moving the chains. Jeffrey takes a hit and gets another first down. Are his feet down? Touchdown Burton!


That's two good punt returns by Barner, and some bad tackling on both of them by the Cardinals. Eagles seem to love the middle of the field. Touchdown Ertz. Patrick Robinson just dropped a possible pick-six (and Palmer shouldn't have thrown that pass in the first place.) Andy Lee's still playing? Torrey Smith caught one! Touchdown! This is wild.


Mike Trout in the house, as per usual. That's the second one Robinson's almost gotten, though this one was more difficult. Cardinals finally look like they've woken up. I know I've talked about this before but the Cardinals have an unusual amount of wide receivers named Brown. Touchdown... John? John. Yes.


Cardinals may have jumped offsides and gotten away with it. Zone read fake by Wentz fools the camera man but not the Cardinals. Hassan Reddick in the house. Possibly his actual house, as he is from Camden. Then he trips Wentz and stops him from getting a first down. Wentz escaping disaster. Interception and Wentz can't believe it. Pretty impressive that Antoine Bethea can still make a play like that at his age. By calling it an interception, they can automatically review it, too. Stands. Man, both Douglas and — Jaron? Yes, Jaron — Brown misplayed that one. Gotta call time out immediately after that catch, Cardinals. New long snapper? NEW new long snapper. Was that blocked? Snap was fine; not sure what Moose is talking about. 21-7 Eagles at the half.
Wentz with a poor throw on third down to somewhere in Ertz's vicinity and the Eagles settle for three. Quiet game from Fitzgerald so far, who's owned the Eagles for years. Not a lot of guys having good games for the Cardinals but Chandler Jones is one of them. Agholor? AGHOLOR! Put like two moves on the guy and scored. Patrick Peterson mad on the sideline. I'd actually forgotten that the Cardinals don't have David Johnson until Myers just mentioned it again. Now it's Mills's turn to drop an interception. Oh, it was knocked away. Where was that pass even going? Agholor's career-high receiving yards is 93? And he did it today? That's how bad he was his first two years. Cheesesteak B-roll!


(Eagles 34, Cardinals 7)



The Giants are running out of receivers. They lost Shepard and Marshall on the same drive. Oh, that looked bad. That looked really bad.


The Giants have run out of wide receivers. I've never seen this. (Chargers 27, Giants 22)

Cam said some stupid things this week. But and, he looks like he's getting healthier and closer to his old self. Daniel Fells? Really? Three-point game. Clutch catch by Benjamin to seal it. (Panthers 27, Lions 24)





"A Warm Bucket Of Piss" could also apply to the game itself. (Colts 26, 49ers 23, OT)

That's not the start the Raiders needed or wanted. Neither is that. Good Lord. Brandon Carr stays getting roasted. Touchdown Crabtree as Manuel avoids a sack. That's a perfect throw by Flacco to Wallace. Why are we going through Gumbel's college photo albums? Then he misidentifies Seth Roberts (#10) as Amari Cooper (#89). Don't challenge spots. Or do, apparently. Was that really worth four yards, though? Crabtree barely gets the first down. Yeah, he slipped and fell in the end zone but Manuel probably would have overthrown him anyway. And good job by Trent Green to  point out that the easier throw was probably to Cooper. Tuck that ball in, EJ. Touchdown! Raiders punting here and the fans don't really like it. I'm not sure I do, either. (Ravens 30, Raiders 17)

Davante Adams is playing? I'm stunned. Bulaga back as well. Prescott threw a dart under pressure and Butler made some smooth moves afterwards. Going for it on 4th and 1 from the opposing 22? That's slightly unexpected but it makes sense when you put it like that, Joe. Dez didn't catch it. That's... not a great penalty call. Cowboys get a fresh set of downs. Touchdown Beasley. Pereira agrees that call wasn't good. With no Montgomery, the Packers are sending out some rookies at running back. Touchdown Adams. Wait, what? Another Beasley touchdown. Lot of green in front of Prescott there. The Packers force Elliott outside and he doesn't get the first down. Prescott sneaks for it. Touchdown Dez. FUMBLE! Oh, the Cowboys got it back. They won't score, though.
That sack-penalty call was a total cop-out. Strange, they're showing Witten on the sideline while his GEICO ad runs during this cut-in. Packers going for it on 4th and 1 from the 49. Got it easily. Is this Jones kid good or is this Cowboys defense bad? Touchdown Nelson. Elliott with a big run. That's good defense on Witten but it was real close. Still. the Cowboys retake the bead because Bailey never misses. I always say "Never challenge spots" but I'm gonna ignore that here because that's not a first down. Cowboys have to go for it. Nope. Or... wait, this is closer than we think it is, isn't it? They're gonna give it to him. First down Cowboys. Why pass here and risk stopping the clock? Makes no sense. Touchdown Prescott off the read option fake! Still, 1:13 left for the Pack, plus a time out.


God, two plays and they're already in Cowboys territory. That defense is BAD. Rodgers: "I'll do this myself." Then he takes a shot while going out of bounds, or did he GIVE that shot? TOUCHDOWN ADAMS!


Let's not act surprised.






OK, we can act a little surprised. (Packers 35, Cowboys 31)

This is always uncomfortable. Now Watt being helped off.


They're showing Watt being lifted into the ambulance. Hunt hasn't done much so far. And on cue, there he does. Have the Texans had the ball yet? Yes, and they just fumbled it. Good stop by the Texans defense to hold the Chiefs to three. This game must be really boring as often as they cut to Watt's ambulance.


Lamar Miller with a nice run. This might be what the Texans need. Foreman! Hold up. Will Fuller's a "V"? (I'm fairly certain I've been surprised by this before.) Touchdown Hopkins... yes! Both feet down. West making moves. Touchdown Chiefs. 23-7 at the half. Shotgun on 4th and 1? And they throw it? Watson finds Fuller... touchdown! Bit early to go for two, maybe? No good. Tyreek Hill just killed Jonathan Joseph. I think this is a catch. Watson! Fuller! How did he catch that while being covered with a blanket?


Alex Smith being involved in shootouts is wild. Al, on the Giants: "They might try to sign Del Shofner... or you." I think Bennie Logan's better as a true 3-4 nose tackle instead of a 4-3 hybrid. Hill!
How did the punter take down Fuller? That wasn't a face mask? Touchdown Hopkins! There's been some sick catches tonight. Wait, Kelce hasn't played the whole second half? And now they're saying Conley suffered an Achilles injury. Here comes a Texans Hail Mary because why not. Caught at the 1! Touchdown Hopkins as time expires. (Chiefs 42, Texans 34)

Trubisky time! To be honest, this really should have happened Week 1. OF COURSE IT'S 2-0. IT'S THE 2017 BEARS.


Oh, that's dangerous, rook. Touchdown Bears? How did that WORK? Oh, dude deflected it. Um... what just happened? That was amazing. No way this Bears coaching staff came up with that.
Like I said before... that's dangerous. Kai Forbath? OK, fine. It's GOOD. (Vikings 20, Bears 17)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (5-0) — Doing everything right
2. Philadelphia (4-1) — That was unexpectedly easy
3. Green Bay (4-1) — Mike McCarthy doesn't deserve Aaron Rodgers
4. Carolina (4-1) — Seriously, they've bounced back pretty well

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (1-4) — For the best, really
30. Cleveland (0-5) — We're already benching rookies? Really?
31. N.Y. Giants (0-5) — I mean... my God
32. San Francisco (0-5) — You didn't miss much, Mr. Vice-President... EXCEPT THE POINT
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