Sunday, February 5, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Wild Card: Whatever's Left

Roof is CLOSED. (Because nobody needs to see this, especially not while flying overhead.) If Connor Cook is anything more than God-awful today it’s a win, right?




Clay Walker with an ill-fitting jersey/collared polo combo. McDonough immediately points out that stopping the opening kickoff is already a win for the Texans. Osweiler runs through a blitz but it ultimately amounts to naught. Cook not doing much here. That’s a bad punt by a good punter. Texans already in field goal range. Novak hits it. Clowney breaks up the screen and comes up with an interception. Touchdown Miller. Rookie quarterback, new left tackle, against this defense? This game might be over. Gruden’s wrong — that ball hit the ground. Then the Raiders screw up downing the punt inside the 5 and it goes into the end zone. I’m also not sure about that pass interference flag. Gotta wrap up and that’s a big return for the Raiders, which they desperately need. They’ll ride their running game if they know what’s good for them. And appropriately, Murray scores. Was that pass to Crabtree Cook’s first completion? (It actually wasn't.) Osweiler doing things? Osweiler doing things.
Another run by Osweiler. What’s all this? That pass should have been intercepted. Raiders punt it away. Fuller! They’ve needed someone other than Hopkins to do something. Speaking of Hopkins, this is a catch. Your not-frequent-enough reminder that the Raiders’ pass defense isn’t the greatest. Touchdown Texans. Gruden: “I used to change quarterbacks every week.” That’s why you’re in that booth, Jon. That’s not grounding on Cook? 20-7 Texans at the half. Wait, McGloin’s dressed? If he’s healthy, why the hell isn’t he playing? And the Raiders have lost their second-best offensive lineman. If Watt was playing, I’d fear for Cook’s life right now. I kind of do anyway, but even more so.


This drive has been all Cook to Holmes. (What happened to Crabtree?) Including that touchdown. Think it’s too early to onside kick here. That’s… not a good throw by Cook.


That interception may do it. I mean there’s still more than two minutes left but let’s not act like it matters. (Texans 27, Raiders 14)

Devin Hester up in here. Well, someone’s screwed up the call there. Top Pot? "Official Donut"? Sure, I guess. It’s the first half, so expect Zenner to go off. Michael Bennett offsides because it’s a Seahawks game. Another Eric Ebron drop. Jimmy Graham can’t reach that pass and then he takes a hit. Eighteen different ball carriers for the Seahawks? Lord. Graham back in but he can’t save Wilson from being sacked. That’s a good block by Zenner at the last minute to save Stafford from Wagner, and Stafford then connected with Ebron for a first down. This Stafford scramble will come up short, and we’ll walk the length of the field while Caldwell decides.


If you’re gonna run a bootleg on fourth and 1, don’t throw a screen off of it. Good run by Rawls after the turnover. People are interviewing Tom Cable for head coaching jobs? Good Lord, why? Are they desperate? Touchdown Seahawks and I don’t know how Richardson caught that.


Boldin shoved somebody on the Seahawks sideline after that incompletion and the official’s RIGHT there. Be smarter, man. Rawls is having a half. Another nutty catch by Richardson. Hauschka makes his field goal attempt. Oh. Ohhh. That's what Stafford was upset about on the Richardson touchdown. That’s a face mask. Now they’re gonna look at this Jones catch on the sideline. That’s close but I think it’ll stand. Confirmed. Well then. Field goal is good. 10-3 at halftime.


Firestone as in the tires? Zenner! Collinsworth said the Lions would need to keep this close so they could keep using him. Rawls has been running wild tonight. Now he’s down. Russ with a questionably legal block on that run. Macklemore and a 12 lit on a building somewhere off a body of water. Rawls back in after a couple of pass plays. Big stop by the Lions and the Seahawks settle for three. Al just pointed out, because nobody else said it, that that’s Boldin’s second personal foul. That means he’s out of the game. Then he corrects himself and says that it’s only unsportsmanlike conducts that stack like that. Still, that kills this drive.




Baldwin moves the chains. THAT’S a catch. Touchdown Rawls! Hauschka MISSES. 19-7.


The Lions needed more than they got there. Richardson AGAIN. That seemed more “unnecessary” than “roughness”. Baldwin’s adamant he caught that one. Maybe he did. Carroll challenges.
Somehow that ball never hit the ground.


Call reversed. Then Baldwin scores on a route mixup and a ball that may have been meant for Kearse. Been that kind of night.


MVP discussion starting. Collinsworth: “I don’t know what else Tom Brady could have done this season.” How about play 16 games? (Seahawks 26, Lions 6)

The Dolphins, man. Nobody had that. Cold down there. That October game was the first time Jay Ajayi went nuts and the Dolphins stopped throwing the ball as a concept after that. How is that Brown’s first postseason touchdown? The Dolphins might want to not do that again. Brown making up for lost playoff ducats.


Also, Roethlisberger is 7-for-7 so far. Also also, what happened to the coverage?


Third and 13 and Moore finds Stills for considerably more than that. Field goal is better than nothing, I suppose. This is already the Steelers’ longest drive of the game by time. They’re letting Bell have this one, it looks like. That’s some sick blocking up front to spring him on that touchdown(?) run. They rule him down, and I thought he was down before propelling himself into the end zone. Bell gets stuffed twice… but this second time looks good on replay. Tomlin challenges. Overturned. Touchdown.


CLANG. 20-3. Fumble? Still Dolphins ball. “Piles and piles and bags of stuff.” Fake punt without hesitation. We got a donnybrook down here? Heyward-Bey is MAD. Someone tell him his guy started it. Moore just got his clock cleaned and the Dolphins are going after the guy who did it.



T.J. Yates (!) warming up. Offsetting? That seems weak.
Yates is the other quarterback in this stadium with a playoff win. Moore back in after ONE play. What the hell. This isn’t over and this game could get ugly later. Tracy reporting that Moore actually motioned to his back after the hit, of all places. At least they’re in field goal range. Kick is good and it’s 20-6. The Dolphins just prevented themselves from intercepting that pass.
And they probably should have gotten that one, too, but James out-reached everybody. They got one! Needed a tip to do it, but they get a pick before halftime. Dolphins driving? No one blocks Harrison and the Steelers recover the fumble. Is that our first Masters promo of the year? Lot of guys tugging on Landry there. Moore runs into his own man (Ajayi) and fumbles, and it’s Steelers ball, killing that drive. Bell finding space in the smallest holes.
As well as the larger ones. Hey, a sack. That’ll force a field goal attempt, which is good. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. What even happened there? Roethlisberger run comes up short. Going on fourth and 3? I don’t get that. Just kick it. They got for it and get it? Huh. The Steelers have been blowing up the Dolphins’ defensive line all day today, and Bell just walked in for another touchdown. Two minutes left in the third and I feel like we can call this. It’s the fourth quarter and this is the Steelers’ first punt. Moore takes another big hit.
Touchdown Ajayi’s backup. I'm not sure if it’s wise to keep Roethlisberger in when the Dolphins are just ready to tee off like this. (Steelers 30, Dolphins 12)



I don’t think the Giants have run for 200 yards this year. Victor Cruz lives.


I’m… not sure I would have punted. I don’t know how the wind is out there, but that’s the no-man’s land area of the field where there are no great options. Three and out? That’s new. Shepard! That’s Beckham’s second drop and that would have been a touchdown.


Then Shepard can’t reel one in in that same corner. Lot of mishandled balls so far. Field goal is good. I think that sack just canceled out the Nelson catch. Both quarterbacks are a little off right now. That play fake didn’t work. For a defense that’s only average at rushing the passer with four, the Giants are giving Rodgers nowhere to maneuver.


That’s two straight high balls from Rodgers — one for Nelson, one for Adams. They’ve gotten nothing going. Eli finds Will Tye for 51(!) I think the Giants have run the ball like three times. Beckham’s still mad about not getting a call on that end zone ball but it was too close. Gould is good. 6-0. Good kickoff return by Janis after a not-great kick. That’s grounding, and that’s another opportunity wasted. Adams! FINALLY someone catches a deep ball. Rodgers being Rodgers. Runs around and threads the needle to Adams for the touchdown. Nice work on the FOX replay so you could see when Aikman was talking about Bulaga’s work on that play.


Giants call time out right before the two-minute warning? Strange. Stranger: Why run on third down there? And, as Buck just said, why run with Rainey, who’s your smallest back?


HAIL MARY CAUGHT BY COBB. TOUCHDOWN PACKERS. That’s ridiculous.






LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.




The Giants ran the ball? Huh. Now the Packers are running the ball. Christine Michael lives! Jordy Nelson, however, will not return tonight. Don’t like the Packers going for it here. And really don’t like it after Montgomery lost four yards. Touchdown WHO? I’ve never seen that man before.


Cobb! And the Packers strike right back. The Giants just don't have it. This looks like the end. Cobb again.


Beckham returned that kickoff? That’s playing with fire. Is this a fumble? Clay thinks it is. “Fine,  I’ll get it myself.” Fumble! Packers ball! Wait, they’re at the goal line again already? Touchdown Packers and this is now a massacre.


Eli throws an Eliception in the end zone and Randall’s just stuntin’ on ’em now. Then he gets tripped and 15 gets in his face like this isn’t the final score: (Packers 38, Giants 13)

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