Thursday, February 9, 2017

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Divisional Playoffs: Frozen Punches

Seriously, MORE INSTRUMENTAL NATIONAL ANTHEMS. Running Russ is back. Baldwin goes high to convert third and 7. Beasley made a huge jump from his rookie year to Year Two. Who is McKissock? I know who Graham is, and he knows where the end zone is.


And there’s Julio Jones, doing what Julio Jones does. Both offenses are moving at great speed so far. It’s the second quarter already?
Touchdown Jones on a quick slant that was run to perfection. Devin Hester back? Wait, what? What’s this flag? So it’s against the Falcons, so it’s a touchdown. Oh, the defender touched him, though. Down at the 22. Someone forgot to block Brooks Reed. Wilson misses Baldwin and it’s field goal time. Then the Seahawks catch another temporary break when that completion was overturned. Devin Hester back! There’s a flag, of course.
And a 79-yard runback gets deep-sixed for holding. The Falcons got an offensive lineman on the D-line? SAFETY! And he's going to get credit for it! God, this Seahawks offensive line is trash. How do you get beat by one of your own? “C’mon, man,” —Jon Ryan, probably, after whatever that was.
It’s 12-10 Falcons. It should be 17-7 Seahawks. It COULD have been 16-10 Falcons. Nuts.
That’s a hell of a punt. I’m not sure this Seahawks defense can contain Julio Jones. And that frees up so many other things, like Tevin Coleman coming out of the backfield for a touchdown. 19-10 Falcons.


Seahawks content to sit on the ball? OK. Shead’s hurt, which doesn’t help the Seahawks secondary. Both Coleman and Freeman running through gaping holes. Now Bennett’s down, and that could really pose a problem. Freeman again? Nope, knee’s down and he’s still got the ball. Bennett back in, and Freeman scores after getting tripped up. Beasley with the stuff on third and 2. Someone lined up wrong on the punt? Wow. First down Seahawks on a drive that was over. Nice job by Wilson to find Alex Collins on that flip pass. Lynch is right — they probably need a touchdown here. They won’t get it, and that seemed to take more time than you’d like. Freeman! They beat the blitz and Earl Thomas isn’t there to clean up the mess. This Terrell kid’s getting roasted. Ryan could’ve run that himself. Third quarter in the books. Field goal is good. Wilson overthrows Baldwin, who had a linebacker on him for some reason. Then he runs on third down and takes a hit, ending this drive. That should have been intercepted. Meanwhile, this is a catch and I don’t know what the refs were looking at. This isn’t really the time for the Seahawks to be throwing flat patterns to their backup running back.


Wilson running is a little better. That’s a big sack, potentially a game-ender, because the Seahawks have to get a touchdown on this drive. Interception! And a big return on top of it. Wilson had to escape too much pressure and he threw up a duck. That’s some power running by the tight end after the catch. Those rushing stats for Freeman and Coleman don’t even tell half of the story of what Lynch is talking about. The Falcons are running the four-minute offense with eight minutes left. Touchdown Sanu and that’s game. HESTER!!!! Baldwin! Touchdown Seahawks, but was it too late? They’ve mentioned that this may be the last game in the Georgia Dome about six times. Wait, Richardson CAUGHT that? No, it doesn’t look like he did, actually. Whoa! That ball was tipped three times before Jones came up with the pick. We’re done here. (Falcons 36, Seahawks 20)

This probably won’t go well.


Christ. Lewis SPED UP at midfield. SPED. UP. Wait, Brady threw a pick? What? The Texans aren’t doing a god job of trying to capitalize on this. A run on third and 16? (It almost worked.) Field goal makes it 14-6 Pats. That ball’s out. Texans recover! Touchdown! Uncharacteristic Patriots mistakes are really the Texans’ best shot here. Brady scrambles into a sack.


Both Hogan and the defender lost track of that ball at the same time, but Hogan found it first. That Mercilus sack may have forced a punt. Yep. Brady’s protection has been somewhat lacking tonight.


Edelman! Pretty sure he pushed off but there you go. Brady ran there because there was nowhere to throw, and he almost paid dearly for it. Blount gets denied at the 1-yard line, and that’s a big stop as the field goal unit comes on. How does that second-half opening drive by the Patriots yield nothing? What’s happening out here? The Texans REALLY can’t afford three-and-outs. Hogan again for the Pats. Touchdown James White and this is starting to look like we expected. And that Osweiler interception definitely looks like what we expected. Brady’s not happy about that hit, but he needs to be mad at his line.


OPI on Floyd. Fourth and 20 and the Pats down their own punt at the 2. Running may be the best thing Osweiler can do here. Suddenly the Texans are at the 45. Wait, they called that a fumble? What’s going on down there? Ah, they changed it. Fuller just dropped a touchdown. ANOTHER interception. Lot of traffic down there. He only threw two all year!


Field goal is good. Brady’s been hit a lot tonight. Interception. How did that not hit the ground? Not a good read by Brock. What’s coming up off the surface? Did they leave the roof open in the rain or something? Touchdown Lewis, his third of the night. Lechler was drafted before Brady. Jesus. We’ve got two guys down on this play. Field goal is good and that seems like the end. That’s only the second time Osweiler’s gone deep tonight, and the first time actually turned out better than that one. Godspeed, Vince Wilfork? (Patriots 34, Texans 16)

JerryWorld crowds usually aren’t this loud. Playoffs! Packers win the toss and defer. All passes so far. Safety blitz? That’s why you run sometimes.


The Packers can’t afford to lose any more DBs. I’m slightly surprised they’re kicking this. I don’t want to put Aaron Rodgers on the field any sooner than absolutely necessary. How does he ALWAYS manage to do that?


Montgomery runs, which Buck points out the Cowboys didn’t see the first time. RODGERS FREE PLAY TOUCHDOWN. It’s practically a trope at this point. Wait, what happened? Guy came into the huddle and then left? Seems strange to call it unsportsmanlike conduct, but it’s against the rules.


Rodgers stays making plays. Church on the sideline with what appears to be contact lens issues. Scandrick gets away with an egregious hold on Adams, who gets revenge on the next play for a big gain. Montgomery scores and the Cowboys’ defense has gotten them in trouble. Prescott hits Williams in the chest. No catch. Meanwhile, T.J. Lang’s helmet straight-up broke and they’re still fixing it. GERONIMO. Adams? Nope, out at the 1, they say. And he is. Thanks, Pylon Cam. Montgomery finishes it off. Bryant back. BRYANT. Touchdown Cowboys and this seems less dire. Should have taken the knee, dude. Refs doing the Cowboys a favor giving them that time out when Rodgers was prepared to quick strike again. Hey, a stop. Also, that’s the third time Adams has been held.


Cole Beasley got POPPED. Good defense in the end zone by the Packers to break up that pass. Happy birthday, Super Bowl. 21-13 Packers at halftime.


Buck thought Rodgers was throwing that away and was rightfully stunned when Cobb caught it. The Cowboys defense is getting torn apart on this drive. Cook catches a touchdown after setting it up. The Packers just intercepted a screen pass.


That cost the Cowboys at least three. Montgomery doing everything on this drive. Interception! That didn’t look like a great throw, either.


Witten scores uncontested after some sharp short-pass work by Prescott with a few Elliott runs sprinkled in.


Elliott doing things. He just ducked and spun right past Clay Matthews. Touchdown Cowboys as Dez had to stretch for that one.


Going for two because there’s no choice. Prescott takes it himself — and gets there! We’re tied, somehow. Rodgers and the Packers slowing it down as much as they reasonably can. Rodgers rolls out for a first down. That’s a deep pass to nobody that gets picked off, but let’s see what this flag is. DPI. Wait, now what? Oh, they’re moving the ball. Whatever that was supposed to be, the Cowboys were ready for it. Not a great throw into coverage on third down. Crosby from 56?!? GOOD.


Prescott immediately finds Williams at midfield. The Packers aren’t doing a good job of covering Cowboys receivers. They didn’t need to spike that. Pass is knocked down. Fourth down and Bailey’s on for a 52-yarder. It’s GOOD.


BUT. There’s 40 seconds left and the Packers have two time outs.


Sack! Rodgers immediately calls time. Incomplete to Cook. WAIT NO. WOW. Look at Cook’s feet. That’s a catch. My God.




35 yards on third and 20. Unreal. THIS ALMOST NEVER WORKS.


So we’ll try again. IT’S GOOD! And just barely. The first one was closer.


Give Mason Crosby a medal.


Yeah, there's that, too.  (Packers 34, Cowboys 31)

Perhaps some barbecue? It’s cold in K.C. tonight. This game was supposed to be at 1 but an ice storm pushed it back. Steelers get the ball first and are moving. It’s really kind of amazing how different a player Bell is now than what he was in college. He lost about 15 pounds but didn’t lose any power. Parker says “NOPE,” to Eli Rogers. Did Ben just wave off the field goal unit? Chiefs call time out because nobody knows what’s happening. Steelers kick the field goal after all. Now the Chiefs are doing things with Hill and Kelce. Touchdown Wilson. OK.


Blitz does not work that time. And why in God’s name is Justin Houston in solo coverage against Antonio Brown? Drive stalls and another field goal. YOU ARE NOT RETURNING THIS KICKOFF. Another Steelers field goal. Is this the second Bengals game again? Alex Smith can’t throw interceptions. Road Dogg wide open. Then Roethlisberger gets picked by Berry in the end zone. Didn’t we just see this sequence? That's the big Bell run we’ve been waiting for. THEY MOCKED UP A FROGGER OVERLAY FOR LE’VEON. He already has 101 yards? Another field goal. This is the second Bengals game again. First and 15 with 20 seconds left? Are the Chiefs kidding themselves? Wait, that was a fumble? Christ. The Steelers aren’t really gonna try a 58-yarder. No, they aren't. So they throw it to Brown, who has no teammates around him and gets stopped at the 10. 12-7 Steelers at the half. Somehow that’s not defensive pass interference on the Steelers. Bell gets away for about 35 more yards. More Bell. The Chiefs can’t stop him. ANOTHER field goal? The Steelers must have passed or something. 15-7 now. The Chiefs just threw a pass where the receiver fell down and lost yardage.


Tale as old as time. Harrison with the sack. Good punt. Seems like Cracker’s “Low” is always in the SNF DJ's rotation. That’s a good point: Where’s Maclin been? Kelce just flattened Cockrell, who’s been abusing Chiefs receivers all game. Oh, THERE’S Maclin. That didn’t work so well. Santos field goal is good and it’s 15-10. Roethlisberger just pump-faked the entire Chiefs defense out of their shoes.


That ball went through Maclin’s hands. Same play? Also incomplete, and add a face mask on the Chiefs. Fourth and 8 and… the Chiefs get there? Huh. Maclin having a discussion with an official about… something. Maybe that penalty, perhaps? Yeah, that was pretty bad. Shovel pass to Kelce gets stuffed. Why not bootleg Smith down here?


Oh, that’s why. Chiefs probably can’t kick this with 3:29 left. They get the first down! I’m always surprised anymore to see an actual fullback. Touchdown Chiefs! They go for two and get it! But offensive holding on Fisher cancels it out! Unbelievable. And he had to do it because Harrison would have killed Smith otherwise. Now they have to try again from the 12. This time it fails.


That kickoff probably shouldn’t have been fielded if it wasn’t completely necessary. Steelers throw on second down? Good thing it was caught. Um, it’s not quite over — Brown went out of bounds after that catch. My God. This WAS the second Bengals game.


(Steelers 18, Chiefs 16)


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