Friday, September 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Breeding Contempt

I'd be OK with the Ravens going 0-16. They've never been easy to root for even when things were good. Now? Forget it. James Brown just spit FIRE.


I see we've got delay issues. Yeah, that's definitely roughing the passer. Lot of legal hitting going on, too, as is standard in these games. Antonio Brown's gotten popped big twice already like the Ravens are avenging the Browns' punter. FUMBLE. Phil Simms is advocating going for it? What is this, the New 52?



Flacco threw that right into a pass interference call. Yeah, this "no number 2 receiver" thing is going to haunt the Steelers, I think. Did DHB even make the roster? So it's the Bernard Pierce era now in Baltimore, kind of. Did Ben just make the defender okey-doke himself on the Bell run? He did! All that time for a field goal? That seems like a waste. Now Nantz and Simms are talking about how bad Ray Rice was last year. Which he was, but that hardly seems like the most important thing right now.



That flag on Polamalu was close. I love that they put down Hochuli's chyron that he's a 23-year referee after he was facing the wrong way while announcing that penalty. The one on Mitchell was called incorrectly - that hit was late, nothing more. Hey, Owen Daniels scored again. Now what's this one? Oh, a face mask. Good hold by the Steelers to force the field goal. That is a catch and a fumble. I'm really only half-watching this because it's so, well, boring. The Steelers can't do anything and there's no tension, which just shouldn't be the case when these two teams play. Ben's gotta start throwing it or the receivers have to start catching it, one or the other. I mean, at least they're holding the Ravens to field goals? I'm looking for anything here. I guess Antonio Brown's having a good game? Well, that's the end of that. (Ravens 26, Steelers 6)

Signal Finder: AZ @ NYG, JAX @ WSH, NO @ CLE (end), NYJ @ GB

Carson's a late scratch for the Cardinals so Drew Stanton's going to start. Lot of things went wrong on that delay of game/personal foul double shot. Stanton is doing work on this Giants defense. If this continues, they may as well close up shop. Somehow a open-field tackle attempt on Rashad Jennings went as badly as possible. The blitz caused that interception.

DRC already having a better game than he did last week.
Nice throw by Eli to Cruz. Touchdown Giants. The Giants are making this Cardinals defense look pretty ordinary right now. Patrick Peterson's furious about something. Probably the fact that the Giants are walking down the field on his unit. And now they've gone ahead. SPEED II got backed up there.




SPEED II!! One Giant missed a tackle and he was gone. Did the Giants just fumble the ensuing kickoff? Jesus, Cruz. How do you not catch that? He did it AGAIN! This Larry Donnell guy is going off. Oh, he's a tight end and it's against the Cardinals, who got lit up by tight ends all of last season. Jennings just fumbled the ball trying to juke a defender.




Now Randle's dropping passes. Good job, Drew Stanton. applauds (Cardinals 25, Giants 14)


Johnny Football LIVES! If only for three plays. The Browns scored 26 points with no Josh Gordon and Jordan Cameron missing the second half? There's the Rob Ryan defense we know and love.


(Browns 26, Saints 24)

Gruden should challenge this. Oh, that's a bad non-reversal — DeSean was down by contact. Man, Hurns catches that ball last week — he smoked DeAngelo Hall. Now we're seeing mirror images — both teams have lost a big play and taken a sack on the ensuing third down. So a wild, off-blance throw by Griffin is caught mostly because Jacksonville's corners may be the worst in the league. Oh no. This looks bad. Then Cousins comes in and finds the fullback all by himself in the end zone. Now DeSean's down.










Is Cousins limping too or just tired? Oh, I guess he's fine. The Redskins' defense is just teeing off right now. I mean, they're tearing these guys apart. Good Lord, Washington's pass defense completely broke down on the touchdown to Lewis. How did he not get caught from behind, though? The safety was Meriwether's replacement, so the result would have been the same regardless. Here's the thing: The only reason the Jags made anything happen defensively last week was because Foles was literally giving the ball to them. They got torched in the second half last week. Nothing's changed. Meanwhile, Cousins just wasted 10 seconds after that sack. That's the second time Henne's taken off and run.




Kai Forbath sounds like the name of a guy who should be playing in the second division of La Ligue. These are two pretty bad offensive lines. Wilcots is making the correct point that you can't put Bortles behind this line and I'll add that that's a large part of why Gabbert was such a failure.(Redskins 41, Jaguars 10)

Object Lesson Of The Week:



(Cowboys 26, Titans 10)

Trent Green! Welcome! Rodgers fumbles the opening snap? OK. They were worried about this last week and it ended up not being a problem. Not exactly a strut into the end zone by Geno but it got the job done. The Jets' pass rush is going to give this Packers offensive line problems. Like so. Decker!!
Bizarre catch by Jordy Nelson — he stopped half of his body in mid-air to bring that down. That, however, is not a catch. Going for a 4th and 2 from the opponents' 28? Rex wants to bury these guys. THEN Geno almost gets crushed, finds Powell open in the flat, and converts another third down. And it all pays off with a touchdown. The Packers bench just got flagged for something. Ohhhh. The refs missed that hit out of bounds on Nelson. Something got screwed up on that too-quick pass Rodgers threw on 2nd down and goal. Crowd is booing the Packers' decision to kick here. Crosby made the kick and they're still booing. They cheered the one he made from La Crosse, though. That interception's a huge break for the Packers because the Jets were about to score again. Jason Babin being a detriment to his team? That's never happened before. To say nothing of the Jets' second-best player being down injured right now. Well the Packers just drove all the way down the field. How did this take six minutes before we got a challenge? Yeah, that's fine. Now what? It looks like Geno was trying to ground it but did he get it away in time? Carey thinks it's really a backward pass, not a fumble, but it'll still be Packers ball. A whole mess of carnage right now after the Packers take the lead. Wilkerson just got thrown out! Oh, well he threw two punches. That'll do it every time. Prediction: The Jets lose this game.After this field goal ties it, of course. But they had this thing in the bad and it trickled away piece by piece. NELSON!! Unreal.




No, no. Rex HAD to have called that time out, right? Only the head coach can call time out from the sideline, right? What a Jets way to lose. (Packers 31, Jets 24)

THE RUSSIAN IS CUT! (Chargers 30, Seahawks 21)





I mean, how do you not notice that? J.J. Watt's on the field on offense FOR A REASON. (Texans 30, Raiders 14)

The 49ers' new digs may as well be in Los Angeles, to hear the locals tell it. It's very angular. Why is dude from Train holding two microphones? Blocked punt! Crabtree was wide open.




Wait, the 49ers got away with having the play clock run out of them? That never happens. Boldin was wide open on that pass, too. Jonathan Martin lives! (And Richie Incognito's still out of work, for the record.) Interception? Don't think so. Man, NBC putting the Bears on blast with that graphic. (And rightfully so.)




Wait. They overturned the catch because of THAT? Weak. Sauce. The Bears can't get anything started. Collinsworth has a point — the Bears' receivers can't outrun anybody right now, but let them go up and jump for these balls. Holy crap, Conte. That's the best thing that guy will ever do. There's a million flags on this punt. Only one on the re-kick, though. Fumble! And then the Bears fumble and the 49ers blow a chance to get it back. This Bostic guy on the Bears seems to overrun everything. Cutler channeling Kaepernick? What? Then he takes a sick shot to the chest that was rightfully flagged and Alshon Jeffrey had to break up the ensuing interception.




Matt Forte has done nothing tonight. GREAT one-handed grab by Marshall. Now Gore's running like Forte. Good stop by the Bears. Why do the 49ers keep committing bad penalties? I mean, 100 yards in penalties through three quarters is downright Raider-esque. Touchdown Bears and this game shouldn't be as close as it is. Interception?!? And another flag because of course there is.




Touchdown Bears. This is wild.




And Kaepernick throws ANOTHER interception! Though that's more a good play by the rookie Fuller than anything else. Cutler did a nice job of setting up that completion to Jeffrey. Marshall again. Now Kaepernick's doing everything he can to salvage this. There's that Jim Harbaugh clock management we know and love.




And after all that, Crabtree had the potential game-tying touchdown IN HIS HANDS. Go back to San Francisco, you plebeians. (Bears 28, 49ers 20)

So much for an 8:15 start. Kendricks just ran through the Colts' blocking there. Foles is off to the exact opposite start than last week. I've been hoping Chip would use more two-back sets this year and I'm glad he is. That was the longest run of Richardson's career. Unbalanced line? That's one of Chip's moves.




Bradshaw just barely got stopped. That was too easy. Those solar panels at the Linc? Legit. Why is this commercial break so long? Sproles just took off like a rocket. Man, Cooper caught that pass last year. This kid at right tackle is getting used and abused. Parkey missed? Indoors? Bring back Henery! The Eagles are starting to come after Luck big time. Viniatieri's still pretty good. You know who else is good is their punter. McCoy's L1 is constantly pressed. That's the second time Foles has misfired on that screen to Maclin. That's not gonna work either... that should have gone into the end zone.




The Colts stopped that blitz. Is this Richardson's best game ever? I think the Colts ran the same play again but to the tight end on that touchdown.




Hey, Jordan Matthews caught one! Ertz! That's a clutch pass interference call. Can somebody not named Sproles catch a pass tonight? Just give it to that guy. There you go. No need to complicate this stuff. Fumble! There's the Richardson we know and love. That's on Ertz - he needs to catch that. Sproles!




Uh-oh, losing Kendricks is not a good thing. That's the third time the Eagles have been beaten on that play tonight. None of this is sustainable. Oh Lord, Casey Matthews just got juked by Trent Richardson. Interception?!? Why even throw a pass there? And Boykin got away with at least a hold there. Why does Foles dive instead of slide? Actually, looking at it again, Hilton had his arm extended and was pushing off of Boykin, so that's a good no-call, as it turns out. That's not a horse collar either, and the same bad call was made against the Eagles last week. DARREN SPROLES IS A GOLDEN GOD. Is it possible to milk 3 minutes, 49 seconds off the clock from the six-yard line? Maclin finally caught one! We're tied again! These fans are NOT happy. Unfortunately, Luck has them right where he wants them. Really, Jon? Did you already forget what happened the last time Luck threw on third down for no good reason? Ertz again! Sproles again! Chip is playing this clock perfectly. They probably could have run another play but let's see about it. It's good! Wait, what? The Colts called time out? All right, let's do this again. It's STILL good.


This can't continue. Logically, it can't. Can it? No, it can't. But I'm not giving it back.


And now, the most random football-related tweet of the weekend:


(Eagles 30, Colts 27)
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