Saturday, September 27, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Stuck In a Craw

Devin Hester is still good at his job. The Buccaneers' new white uniforms are somewhat less offensive to my sensibilities than the black ones. Wait 'til you see those monstrosities.


Why is Steven Jackson still viable? He's like 206. Oh, Gerald McCoy's out? That explains all of this blood. Why is Kroy Biermann running downfield with a running back? The Bucs' punter just saved a touchdown. SO, wait, there were two flags? Whatever. Should've done that the first time. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO. Man, Jackson's speed is gone. How did he get around the corner? I guess we're not covering Julio Jones tonight. The kick returner just got steamrolled. That's not a fumble? Whatever. That was too easy. The Josh McCown Experiment has been an utter failure so far. Wait, I missed another touchdown? Oh, Hester struck? All right.
Another fantastic catch by Jones in traffic. At least they covered him this time. This fumble scrum is turning into a fight. Buccaneers ball! That went well. Hester AGAIN.


McCown's hurt? I wouldn't bother at this point.


Yeah, here's Glennon. Mike Evans just ran 10 yards backwards after that catch. The sad thing about this field goal is Bryant's not even showing off here. He just missed it wide.


Glennon needs to run faster if he's going to do that. Jones is out here murdering fools. And now a bad snap leads to Falcons ball at the 1. Jackson fought like a madman to get that touchdown.


T.J. Yates lives! WELP. The Bucs have straight given up. Seriously, why are they already replacing the Georgia Dome? At least they're not punting here. They scored! Whoa, Yates just threw a pick-six, and because of that, despite everything else, the Tampa Bay defense probably still got you positive fantasy points tonight. raises hand He does that six more times and we've got a game. How are there still six minutes left? (Falcons 56, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI; DEN @ SEA

It's oddly misty out there. Joe Buck shouting out Tone Loc is frightening. There's DeSean with a catch and he gets booed. SERIOUSLY?!?!? DeSean clearly shoves Nate Allen first and Allen gets flagged? That's some bullshit right there. The makeup call wasn't much better, either. So we're looking for a hands to the face? Oh, the guy's helmet came off. Try covering Young near the goal line next time. Well I guess Chris Polk's healthy. Three other guys followed him into the tunnel.


FOX has this thing now on their ticker where they have a yellow line next to the arrow for possession and it doesn't look that good. The Eagles' defense is offering zero resistance. Fletcher's been getting lit up like Williams usually does. I hate the squib kick. FINALLY the Eagles go on offense. So Sproles loses his footing, fumbles, and there's a holding penalty on top of it. Perfection. And Cousins still hasn't missed. But I repeat myself. OH MY GOD A STOP ON THIRD DOWN.




Oh, Kelce. You didn't need to do anything there. But like Aikman said, dude was stride for stride with Maclin, for God's sake. Nice job, Cooper. Washington will challenge this for no reason. Ertz! Just as Buck starts talking up the Redskins defense Matthews catches them napping. Good job showing up, rook. How did Garcon catch that? And why did Cousins throw it there when he knows the double coverage is coming? Fletcher's having a terrible game. It's the Jordan Matthews Show all of a sudden. Foles should have eaten that. Matthews again! Did he get his feet down? Sick throw into traffic by Foles, too. Now Kelce's hurt? Oh boy. Italian Market B-roll? That's different. That pass interference may have saved a touchdown, actually — Matthews catches that otherwise and he maybe wins that race. I'd have run it on 3rd and 3 but that's me. A three-and-out! Now Erin's saying that they're looking at Jason Peters on the sideline also. Two minutes later they throw the flag for a face mask on Sproles. And they called it a horse collar? Is this a Pac-12 crew? Now Foles is dinged?



Sproles just does things, man. We got a roughing call? Aikman sounds like he doesn't really like it. McCoy is really struggling this season so far. So Chip's challenging the run after the catch. Forcing a third down! Sweet! I think. Cousins has missed a few throws in the second half. Sproles just got tripped up or that had potential. Aaand that's what we were all afraid of. Also Cousins had three days to throw that pass. Williams is mad at somebody on the sideline. He should be mad at himself for missing the tackle.


Here's the thing, and anyone who roots for a team can relate to this: You have your favorite teams that you like, maybe even love. You root for them all the time, through good and bad, thick and thin. But you have favorite players; guys you like more than other guys. And then there's that one guy that every team has (and yes, every team has this player) that, for some reason, you just don't like that much. The guy who's just hard to root for. The reason rarely matters but always varies -- maybe he's just not good, maybe bad things happen whenever he's prominently involved, maybe he's very good but does maddening things every so often, maybe his personality just drives you nuts, maybe you think he should be better than he is. For me, and for the Eagles, DeSean was that guy. When he got cut, I thought, "They're going to miss him on the field. This doesn't make any sense. But at least we don't have to put up with all of his other crap any more." Of course, then he signed with Washington (and don't underestimate that part of this particular equation) and we learned we would have to put up with all of his other crap. That's why he's getting booed so gleefully even though we'll never know what he did wrong... because cheering him was just too much work.

Back in the immediate moment, the other problem is the Eagles' offensive line is just running out of guys and Foles is taking hits. "Tress Way"? That's a name? That's something a human being is called? The Eagles' secondary has been bad today but, again, they've gotten absolutely no pass rush on Cousins. CLANG! Off the upright and NO GOOD. Oh boy... Foles is down again, he threw an interception, and now there's a brawl on the field. Well, that's not an interception. Foles got plastered after the fact and that's what started the fisticuffs.



Wait, how did Trent Williams get thrown out, too? Baker got tossed, and rightfully so. So did they mean to throw out Peters? Because that would make... somewhat more sense. OK, so Peters is out.



NEW AUDIENCE. Y'all just missed some foolishness, by the way. This feels like we're headed for overtime. The Eagles should win this challenge — Maclin's knee was down. Yep. They get a free spin, too! MACLIN!! Was that Meriweather he beat? Foles is having the kind of game that'll get these fans behind him. Jenkins with the interception! Now seems like a good time to point out that Andy would have completely abandoned the run three quarters ago. Feels like that's the first time we've seen Helu all day. That didn't take long.



Onside kick? I say no. Three-and-out was the last thing the Eagles needed. That holding penalty wiped out a good punt and forced a bad one on the rekick. A turnover would be helpful. Seriously, why doesn't Boykin start? Cousins missed Garcon and the Eagles will somehow hold. Now to run clock. They need a first down. James Casey lives! That's the end of that. (Eagles 37, Redskins 34)




REMATCH. Well, at least the Broncos got their first play off this time.




Did the Seahawks steal that pass to the quarterback play from the Bengals earlier? And Wilson took a shot. That's not a touchdown from Lynch. The Broncos are already off to a better start than the last time this happened. It helps the Broncos that they've gotten some guys back since then and added some new ones. That third-down stat for the Seahawks defense is amazing(-ly bad). Good throw by Wilson on the touchdown to Lockette. And another Broncos turnover as Demaryius Thomas loses the fumble. Unless he didn't catch it in the first place. This is why I need to be commissioner, I'd simplify SO MUCH of this stuff. That was odd... Baldwin caught the ball, made the one guy miss, then everyone else just stopped and he gained about seven more yards. Touchdown Lynch and this is starting to feel familiar. The Broncos can't get down the field. I mean, they're trying this time at least. They just can't do it. Hauschka missed that? Weird. This game seems like it's going by fast. How did Wilson not lose that fumble? Did he lose it? SAFETY and that looked doomed from the get-go. Tip interception by the Broncos. Peyton finds Julius Thomas and we've got a game, maybe. Intercepted by Chancellor! That might be it. Hauschka's not even going to get to kick this, is he? Oh, it's 4th down. Never mind. Let's see if this works. Someone got their wires crossed when those two Seahawks collided. I don't wanna get hit by Kam Chancellor. This all looks like the same play. Touchdown! That dude's still got it. Going for two here. Thomas! They're taking an awful long time to look at this. I mean, even I figured it out after the second or third watch. Count it and we're tied!




The Seahawks will sit on this. "Good afternoon." It's STILL afternoon, dude. Tarvaris Jackson's in on the coin toss? Seahawks not all that interested in throwing the ball downfield, but why should they be? It's death by a thousand cuts right now.




Wilson's been their best runner on this drive. And Lynch ends it. That's not ideal, but it's still better than college overtime. (Seahawks 26, Broncos 20, OT)

Fernando Velasco? Wasn't he in the Indians' bullpen four years ago? Flags everywhere! Good catch by Brown. "You're not even close." Roethlisberger can get this himself and he does. Touchdown! That's a perfectly placed throw. Wait, they called it incomplete? The Steelers have to challenge this, right? I'm not sure I agree with letting this go. This game's about as interesting as the Ravens-Steelers game was, which is to say not in the least. More fisticuffs? Man, there are a ton of Steelers fans in the house tonight. They're everywhere.




That's a fumble and there was a huge pop when the Steelers recovered it. Did anyone even hit Cam? And the Steelers still won't get a touchdown out of it. Wait, someone jumped offsides on the field goal attempt? Wait, Roethlisberger hasn't thrown the ball yet? Touchdown! Oh man, they've got Ike Taylor's arm in something. Cam missed two guys on that 3rd down pass.




Damn, Kuechly got busted up on that Bell jaunt. They're gonna call offensive pass interference here? Another touchdown for Brown. Greg Olsen just outran a cornerback. NBC DJ breaking out Janet's "Black Cat." PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Steelers are literally running this defense ragged. Blount finishes it off after his big sprint and that's the end of that, as shown by Derek Anderson's entry. Nice coverage. Stop showing off, Blount. Yes, you've got hops at 245 pounds. We get it. (Steelers 37, Panthers 19)


"The Sons Of Anarchy."  Oh, Jon. They've been using that in New York for two years. Well that's an inauspicious beginning. Just a terrible throw.




See, the one to Ivory on the second drive, that's better. You just need a little patience, Geno. What was that weirdness with Vick? Hey, Santonio Holmes! Nice to see him back in the league after two years. Well that punt was a comedy of errors. First it almost gets blocked, then the Jets muff it and the Bears get it back. Not sure that was defensive PI. Cutler ends up finding Bennett and it's 14-0. Wait, what first down? They scored!




Decker took a shot on that catch over the middle. His hamstring looks OK. That drive started well but sputtered out. Now the Bears receivers are just running through the Jets defense. Bennett dropped that touchdown three times but DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Jets football, ladies and gentlemen! Still, they kept the Bears out of the end zone so good on them. Nice pass to the rookie Jace Amaro. Another field goal? Well, it's something. Marshall's hurt? Well, that ankle wasn't going to hold up forever.
Gotta secure the football. Gruden's desperately trying not to say "Who the hell is calling these plays?"




Kerley's a good guy to have around as long as you don't push him beyond his limits. I'm not sure if those are his limits, but well done.




I had no idea the Jets forced the fewest turnovers last season. Nice shout out to the replay officials. The Jets utterly wasted that opportunity. The only thing worse would have been them giving the ball back. Antonio Allen just stopped Matt Forte's longest run in two weeks. Bennett again? Jebus. The Jets got real lucky that Fuller's leg was still on the sideline there. Geno probably could have run for that but Amaro just dropped it. Seriously, Geno?




Then Allen misses a chance to get it back when Cutler got hit and threw up a duck. Who is calling these plays? A shotgun quarterback draw into the blitz? Are you nuts? They're lucky that wasn't a fumble. The Jets have Quinton Coples guarding Brandon Marshall on the outside? Are they shaving points? How many have they left on the field tonight?




Another field goal for the Bears and that might do it. This is an important spot. The Bears are challenging this and they might win it. Call stands. Why are the Jets running the ball? Greg Salas? Really? The Bears are out of safeties like the Eagles are out of offensive linemen. And that's four straight incompletions. Good job, everyone involved! This game sucked. Bucs-Falcons was somehow better than this. (Bears 27, Jets 19)

Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

Friday, September 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Breeding Contempt

I'd be OK with the Ravens going 0-16. They've never been easy to root for even when things were good. Now? Forget it. James Brown just spit FIRE.


I see we've got delay issues. Yeah, that's definitely roughing the passer. Lot of legal hitting going on, too, as is standard in these games. Antonio Brown's gotten popped big twice already like the Ravens are avenging the Browns' punter. FUMBLE. Phil Simms is advocating going for it? What is this, the New 52?



Flacco threw that right into a pass interference call. Yeah, this "no number 2 receiver" thing is going to haunt the Steelers, I think. Did DHB even make the roster? So it's the Bernard Pierce era now in Baltimore, kind of. Did Ben just make the defender okey-doke himself on the Bell run? He did! All that time for a field goal? That seems like a waste. Now Nantz and Simms are talking about how bad Ray Rice was last year. Which he was, but that hardly seems like the most important thing right now.



That flag on Polamalu was close. I love that they put down Hochuli's chyron that he's a 23-year referee after he was facing the wrong way while announcing that penalty. The one on Mitchell was called incorrectly - that hit was late, nothing more. Hey, Owen Daniels scored again. Now what's this one? Oh, a face mask. Good hold by the Steelers to force the field goal. That is a catch and a fumble. I'm really only half-watching this because it's so, well, boring. The Steelers can't do anything and there's no tension, which just shouldn't be the case when these two teams play. Ben's gotta start throwing it or the receivers have to start catching it, one or the other. I mean, at least they're holding the Ravens to field goals? I'm looking for anything here. I guess Antonio Brown's having a good game? Well, that's the end of that. (Ravens 26, Steelers 6)

Signal Finder: AZ @ NYG, JAX @ WSH, NO @ CLE (end), NYJ @ GB

Carson's a late scratch for the Cardinals so Drew Stanton's going to start. Lot of things went wrong on that delay of game/personal foul double shot. Stanton is doing work on this Giants defense. If this continues, they may as well close up shop. Somehow a open-field tackle attempt on Rashad Jennings went as badly as possible. The blitz caused that interception.

DRC already having a better game than he did last week.
Nice throw by Eli to Cruz. Touchdown Giants. The Giants are making this Cardinals defense look pretty ordinary right now. Patrick Peterson's furious about something. Probably the fact that the Giants are walking down the field on his unit. And now they've gone ahead. SPEED II got backed up there.




SPEED II!! One Giant missed a tackle and he was gone. Did the Giants just fumble the ensuing kickoff? Jesus, Cruz. How do you not catch that? He did it AGAIN! This Larry Donnell guy is going off. Oh, he's a tight end and it's against the Cardinals, who got lit up by tight ends all of last season. Jennings just fumbled the ball trying to juke a defender.




Now Randle's dropping passes. Good job, Drew Stanton. applauds (Cardinals 25, Giants 14)


Johnny Football LIVES! If only for three plays. The Browns scored 26 points with no Josh Gordon and Jordan Cameron missing the second half? There's the Rob Ryan defense we know and love.


(Browns 26, Saints 24)

Gruden should challenge this. Oh, that's a bad non-reversal — DeSean was down by contact. Man, Hurns catches that ball last week — he smoked DeAngelo Hall. Now we're seeing mirror images — both teams have lost a big play and taken a sack on the ensuing third down. So a wild, off-blance throw by Griffin is caught mostly because Jacksonville's corners may be the worst in the league. Oh no. This looks bad. Then Cousins comes in and finds the fullback all by himself in the end zone. Now DeSean's down.










Is Cousins limping too or just tired? Oh, I guess he's fine. The Redskins' defense is just teeing off right now. I mean, they're tearing these guys apart. Good Lord, Washington's pass defense completely broke down on the touchdown to Lewis. How did he not get caught from behind, though? The safety was Meriwether's replacement, so the result would have been the same regardless. Here's the thing: The only reason the Jags made anything happen defensively last week was because Foles was literally giving the ball to them. They got torched in the second half last week. Nothing's changed. Meanwhile, Cousins just wasted 10 seconds after that sack. That's the second time Henne's taken off and run.




Kai Forbath sounds like the name of a guy who should be playing in the second division of La Ligue. These are two pretty bad offensive lines. Wilcots is making the correct point that you can't put Bortles behind this line and I'll add that that's a large part of why Gabbert was such a failure.(Redskins 41, Jaguars 10)

Object Lesson Of The Week:



(Cowboys 26, Titans 10)

Trent Green! Welcome! Rodgers fumbles the opening snap? OK. They were worried about this last week and it ended up not being a problem. Not exactly a strut into the end zone by Geno but it got the job done. The Jets' pass rush is going to give this Packers offensive line problems. Like so. Decker!!
Bizarre catch by Jordy Nelson — he stopped half of his body in mid-air to bring that down. That, however, is not a catch. Going for a 4th and 2 from the opponents' 28? Rex wants to bury these guys. THEN Geno almost gets crushed, finds Powell open in the flat, and converts another third down. And it all pays off with a touchdown. The Packers bench just got flagged for something. Ohhhh. The refs missed that hit out of bounds on Nelson. Something got screwed up on that too-quick pass Rodgers threw on 2nd down and goal. Crowd is booing the Packers' decision to kick here. Crosby made the kick and they're still booing. They cheered the one he made from La Crosse, though. That interception's a huge break for the Packers because the Jets were about to score again. Jason Babin being a detriment to his team? That's never happened before. To say nothing of the Jets' second-best player being down injured right now. Well the Packers just drove all the way down the field. How did this take six minutes before we got a challenge? Yeah, that's fine. Now what? It looks like Geno was trying to ground it but did he get it away in time? Carey thinks it's really a backward pass, not a fumble, but it'll still be Packers ball. A whole mess of carnage right now after the Packers take the lead. Wilkerson just got thrown out! Oh, well he threw two punches. That'll do it every time. Prediction: The Jets lose this game.After this field goal ties it, of course. But they had this thing in the bad and it trickled away piece by piece. NELSON!! Unreal.




No, no. Rex HAD to have called that time out, right? Only the head coach can call time out from the sideline, right? What a Jets way to lose. (Packers 31, Jets 24)

THE RUSSIAN IS CUT! (Chargers 30, Seahawks 21)





I mean, how do you not notice that? J.J. Watt's on the field on offense FOR A REASON. (Texans 30, Raiders 14)

The 49ers' new digs may as well be in Los Angeles, to hear the locals tell it. It's very angular. Why is dude from Train holding two microphones? Blocked punt! Crabtree was wide open.




Wait, the 49ers got away with having the play clock run out of them? That never happens. Boldin was wide open on that pass, too. Jonathan Martin lives! (And Richie Incognito's still out of work, for the record.) Interception? Don't think so. Man, NBC putting the Bears on blast with that graphic. (And rightfully so.)




Wait. They overturned the catch because of THAT? Weak. Sauce. The Bears can't get anything started. Collinsworth has a point — the Bears' receivers can't outrun anybody right now, but let them go up and jump for these balls. Holy crap, Conte. That's the best thing that guy will ever do. There's a million flags on this punt. Only one on the re-kick, though. Fumble! And then the Bears fumble and the 49ers blow a chance to get it back. This Bostic guy on the Bears seems to overrun everything. Cutler channeling Kaepernick? What? Then he takes a sick shot to the chest that was rightfully flagged and Alshon Jeffrey had to break up the ensuing interception.




Matt Forte has done nothing tonight. GREAT one-handed grab by Marshall. Now Gore's running like Forte. Good stop by the Bears. Why do the 49ers keep committing bad penalties? I mean, 100 yards in penalties through three quarters is downright Raider-esque. Touchdown Bears and this game shouldn't be as close as it is. Interception?!? And another flag because of course there is.




Touchdown Bears. This is wild.




And Kaepernick throws ANOTHER interception! Though that's more a good play by the rookie Fuller than anything else. Cutler did a nice job of setting up that completion to Jeffrey. Marshall again. Now Kaepernick's doing everything he can to salvage this. There's that Jim Harbaugh clock management we know and love.




And after all that, Crabtree had the potential game-tying touchdown IN HIS HANDS. Go back to San Francisco, you plebeians. (Bears 28, 49ers 20)

So much for an 8:15 start. Kendricks just ran through the Colts' blocking there. Foles is off to the exact opposite start than last week. I've been hoping Chip would use more two-back sets this year and I'm glad he is. That was the longest run of Richardson's career. Unbalanced line? That's one of Chip's moves.




Bradshaw just barely got stopped. That was too easy. Those solar panels at the Linc? Legit. Why is this commercial break so long? Sproles just took off like a rocket. Man, Cooper caught that pass last year. This kid at right tackle is getting used and abused. Parkey missed? Indoors? Bring back Henery! The Eagles are starting to come after Luck big time. Viniatieri's still pretty good. You know who else is good is their punter. McCoy's L1 is constantly pressed. That's the second time Foles has misfired on that screen to Maclin. That's not gonna work either... that should have gone into the end zone.




The Colts stopped that blitz. Is this Richardson's best game ever? I think the Colts ran the same play again but to the tight end on that touchdown.




Hey, Jordan Matthews caught one! Ertz! That's a clutch pass interference call. Can somebody not named Sproles catch a pass tonight? Just give it to that guy. There you go. No need to complicate this stuff. Fumble! There's the Richardson we know and love. That's on Ertz - he needs to catch that. Sproles!




Uh-oh, losing Kendricks is not a good thing. That's the third time the Eagles have been beaten on that play tonight. None of this is sustainable. Oh Lord, Casey Matthews just got juked by Trent Richardson. Interception?!? Why even throw a pass there? And Boykin got away with at least a hold there. Why does Foles dive instead of slide? Actually, looking at it again, Hilton had his arm extended and was pushing off of Boykin, so that's a good no-call, as it turns out. That's not a horse collar either, and the same bad call was made against the Eagles last week. DARREN SPROLES IS A GOLDEN GOD. Is it possible to milk 3 minutes, 49 seconds off the clock from the six-yard line? Maclin finally caught one! We're tied again! These fans are NOT happy. Unfortunately, Luck has them right where he wants them. Really, Jon? Did you already forget what happened the last time Luck threw on third down for no good reason? Ertz again! Sproles again! Chip is playing this clock perfectly. They probably could have run another play but let's see about it. It's good! Wait, what? The Colts called time out? All right, let's do this again. It's STILL good.


This can't continue. Logically, it can't. Can it? No, it can't. But I'm not giving it back.


And now, the most random football-related tweet of the weekend:


(Eagles 30, Colts 27)
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Sunday, September 14, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Grand Spectacle



Victoria Justice > Ariana Grande. It's true and you know it. SECURE THE FOOTBALL. I see the Seahawks' defense is in midseason form. There's really no good reason for Earl Thomas to be returning punts. That's incomplete all the way - the defender never had possession. Oh, he did run into the punter. OK. Well there's our first Soundgarden bumper of the night. Aaaand that's one of the reasons Earl Thomas returning punts is a bad idea.


The Packers are pleased by this development. Touchdown! Hey, I know you're surprised to see Percy Harvin still on the field, but when he is, try covering him. That play fake was tremendous.


Bobby Wagner's fast because Randall Cobb's really fast. Yeah, that's a penalty. We're tied. Sweet one-handed grab by Miller, who was their highest-paid player last season. (Needless to say, he isn't now.) Oh man, Bulaga's knee AGAIN? BEAST MODE. That wasn't particularly beastly, though. More like Feral Mode. I want to make a Ha Ha Clinton-Dix joke but it'd just be terrible and he's suffered enough already tonight. That snap was... problematic. Was Rodgers trying to call time?
Stop giving away first downs, Packers. You're still rolling out Coach T, NBC? Really? And now the Seahawks start grinding with Lynch. Not the best throw by Rodgers but Nelson needs to catch that. Maxwell played well last year when all their other guys got suspended — that's not surprising at all. How do you confuse a flag and a bean bag? Kevin Williams is still in the league? I'm surprised the Packers are going for this. Cliff Avril's been singlehandedly destroying this Packers offensive line. Then Bennett straight-up murked Sherrod on that safety. The Packers' "amoeba" defense seems pretty sickly. There's Lynch again and we may be done here. Time to see if Federer can hang on.



Packers are doing an awful lot of running here. Hey, that worked. Someone blew up that two-point conversion.



Here's a Derrick Coleman who's easy to root for. NOW we're done here. The Packers have lost about five offensive linemen tonight. Meanwhile, Federer just did to this kid what the Seahawks did to the Packers.


Oh man, he's right. Wilson's not as dynamic as Kaepernick, but it's the same kind of stuff. It really is.
(Seahawks 36, Packers 16)

Signal Finder: JAX @ PHI, NO @ ATL  (end of regulation), BUF @ CHI (OT), SF @ DAL

Catalon, Tasker and Buerelein? This is the CBS equivalent of whenever Chris Myers has to do a game for FOX. Are the Jaguars' two-tone helmets new? They should send them back. Not even close. Ertz! Oh, that's a fumble, isn't it? Someone bit on that play fake, didn't they? Yeah, looks like Allen got caught and the receiver beat Williams to the inside. The tuck rule never made sense. Oh, right, I forgot CBS hired Mike Carey to be their Pereira. Another fumble? Come on, Nick. Throw the ball. Allen Hurns is out here setting records. This feels like the Cardinals are in town. Foles looks confused. Wait, how is THAT A fumble? He was clearly throwing it, I thought. I'd have gone for it here, myself. But that punt was deadly. I mean, obviously nobody scouted this Hurns kid because he wasn't drafted but this is ridiculous. That's a questionable horse-collar call. The fans just saw that replay and now they're really mad.


Hey, something went wrong for the Jaguars! Nice catch by Matthews. And Foles ruins it by throwing an absolutely terrible interception in the end zone.


And Henne's marching the Jags down the field now. This is pathetic. Blocked! Scobee's day is getting worse. Now Mathis is hurt. Then Foles got hit and Sanchez grabbed his helmet but nothing came of it. Now Barbre's going off the field and the injuries are piling up. What is going on? Cyprien's head just bounced off the grass. Oh no not ANOTHER one. Wait, this should get reversed. Why are you punting, Chip?



I see Cowher's taken over Shannon Sharpe's role of making horrible puns during the halftime highlights. That's on Matthews. Go for it, Chip. SPROLES!! That's a career-long touchdown run for him? Weird. Get stops, guys. Good work. ERTZ!! That'll stand. Fletcher almost picked that off. The Jaguars suddenly can't do anything on offense. You know who's been playing consistently well for the Eagles today is the front seven. Knocking down balls, stuffing the run. All right, kid. 51 yards? GOOD. This might get held up because there was no "football move" but it's a good challenge by Chip. That'll stand, and I'm guessing that's the reason. MACLIN!!!! DeSean who? Also, nice coverage.



Henne got GOT. Jags going for it. Not a good throw by Henne. BIG MAN RUMBLE.


That was a long way to get there. And I'm not talking about Fletcher Cox's touchdown. (Eagles 34, Jaguars 17)

As great as Tom Brady is, Miami has not been kind to him. (Dolphins 33, Patriots 20)

Oh, the Saints did re-sign Shayne Graham at some point last week. They cut both their kickers on the final cutdown day and I wouldn't have been too shocked to see them just go without one, because other than Chip, Sean Payton is the closest thing the NFL has to That Dude. This Robinson injury actually helps the Falcons, since it stops the clock without them having to tell someone to. MIKE SMITH CLOCK MANAGEMENT, GUYS. Matt Bryant, yo. COLSTON FUMBLES. Remember, this is the second straight game where he's made a critical mistake at the end of it. Now they're just gonna set up for Bryant again. GOOD. (Falcons 37, Saints 34, OT)

And now, an unrelated aside.




If you're wondering why Bills AT Bears is on FOX, they've relaxed the network/conference borders. Chris Conte's still in the league? How? (Bills 23, Bears 20, OT)


PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Man, JerryWorld is loud for a place where the opposing team just scored. That's a fumble. Look, the Cowboys have lots of offense. That's not up for debate. But the rest of it... The Niners can't afford to be losing corners — the ones they have aren't that great to start with. JESUS. Kap can just DO things, man. And the Cowboys forgot to cover Vernon Davis. ROMO. Cowboys forgot to cover Vernon Davis again. That's actually a nice run by Murray.

Right into, like, quintuple coverage. Then Gore breaks off a 22-yard run through air. I'm not sure how wise this really is with Blaine Gabbert one snap away. Romo at his own 1? This oughta be good. Well, they've made some progress. OH NO. That wasn't going to go well, but my God.




Hey, a Stevie Johnson sighting. Carlos Hyde! Now we got all kinds of chaos. A fumbled interception and a penalty. So no flag, and now let's review the turnover(s). That was kinda quick, actually — not sure how I feel about that.

So which is better: The CFL East or the Big Ten? Discuss. You know things have gone too far south when you summon Pac-12 officials for the second half and it still isn't nearly enough.




(49ers 28, Cowboys 17)

And now, an aside related to the previous unrelated one.




(Steelers 30, Browns 27)

We've got a lot to digest in the new Sunday Night Football intro. Carrie's new and uglier dress, McCoy lip-syncing, Clay crowd surfing... plenty to process there. Hey, positive yards for Richardson! Someone was late? They're not gonna get this off. (And they didn't. Just as well; Vinatieri dinked the goal post anyway.) Not good by Luck — Allen wasn't even open. Well, there were offsetting holdings. Nice throw to Julius Thomas. Wait, ANDRE CALDWELL is Florida's all-time leading receiver? With all the guys Spurrier had (who never panned out in the pros)? That's hard to fathom.
NBC DJ going to break with "Limelight". And who are those guys? Probably could have saved "Get Lucky", though. Yeah, D'Qwell Jackson's not catching that dude in the open field. Oooh, that fumbled punt return could have been big. ANOTHER touchdown for Julius Thomas. Colts getting a drive when they could really use one. He can run, though. Oooh, better review that. That should be a touchdown, I think. Yeah. Al and Cris rightly commending the new centralized replay monitor. There's no reason for a decision that obvious to take three minutes.




And even if it had been, that's still a pretty bad interpretation of the PI rule: Harris turned around and didn't touch Hilton.Colts are going for it here after Nicks just missed the end zone, continuing his pattern from last year. Honestly, Luck's the Colts' best runner so the sneak is fine. It just didn't work.




The Colts got stuffed AGAIN? Maybe try passing? I mean, Trent Richardson can either become Mark Ingram or he can become Laurence Maroney. This is where the road forks. Wait, was he down? Oh, clearly. This shouldn't take long either. Ball! I'd say this one looks over but it's Luck. Richardson isn't even on the field anymore.




He stayed inbounds, right? Broncos aren't making a lot of noise about this one. Yeah, he's clear. Colts get the onside kick? Wait, did that go 10 yards? Oh, it did. OK. I think Bradshaw's just won the starting running back job. Gotta go for it on fourth down now, right? Hilton! Not the best throw by Luck on that interception, either. That Rahim Moore story is wild. The Broncos' punter was doing some acting there.




HAKEEM NICKS HAS SCORED A TOUCHDOWN. STOP THE PRESSES. Don't onside kick this one, Colts. Who's the most famous of these Jones brothers? Arthur, Jon or Chandler? Wow, the Broncos played right into the Colts' hands by throwing the football on both second and third down.
Well, this is it. Denied! Brees has never beaten the Ravens? Weird. (Mentioned because Peyton has now beaten literally everyone.) (Broncos 31, Colts 24)




I see the Giants' defense has yet to arrive as well. It's highly possible that the NFC East will be worse this year than last. Roughing the kicker takes the punter out? That's... not the easiest thing to do. A fade to who? Two straight passes on 1st and goal from the 1? I don't care that it finally worked. That's horrific play calling.




DRC simply cannot stay with Megatron. Just put someone else over there. Jesus, Stafford threw a LASER to Tate through two Giants. And OF COURSE there's a face mask penalty on the center. And then the rookie misses the kick. They should be up 28-0. Bad throw by Eli behind the receiver. Sure, DeAndre Levy, get up and run with it, why not. Wait... that may not have hit the ground. Oh, this'll be CLOSE. I can read Eli's lips, and he's not praying.




Eli's out here doing his best Romo impression. Seriously, the Giants should be dead and buried but the Lions keep missing chances. Hey, DRC made a successful play finally. Stafford was finally like, "Ah, the hell with it. I'll do it myself." And now the Giants are putting together an actual drive. Cover the running backs, Lions. Now the Lions are doing their march. They went for two? Man, that's cold. Call it. (Lions 35, Giants 14)


Kevin Butler's son? We're old, people. That's not an interception. Wait, what are the Cardinals challenging? The graphic and the ref said "challenging the interception" and that's not what happened there. And this is a fumble. Whoa! Where did Eddie Royal even come from? I was sure that was incomplete.





BLOCKED PUNT. When has Carson Palmer ever been so mobile? Did the Cardinals hire the Suns' training staff? I don't know what's going on now. Why's everyone jut standing around? This game has been awful. And Rivers throws another pick but Dilfer (who I intensely dislike for reasons I can't explain) thinks Royal stopped his route. Can't tell from here. Let's jump ahead a bit. We have two "M. Floyd"'s in this game and the Chargers' one just scored a touchdown. I'm surprised Ryan Mathews scored that touchdown in one piece. We've seen the Chargers blow this exact game before, though. Like so. Carson Palmer channeling Steve Young is a little scary. Touchdown! Wait, where's the quarterback? Well that didn't work. Antonio Gates still has it. The Chargers have gotten away with two turnovers on this drive because of Cardinal penalties... and they still couldn't capitalize.




Hey, a Larry Fitzgerald sighting! I'm legitimately impressed by how much better Michael Floyd has been that I thought he'd be. The Cardinals just took the lead! Rivers badly rushed that third-down pass. Delay of game? That's a Cardinals move. Oh, they got the time out. OK. Aaand it still doesn't matter. (Cardinals 18, Chargers 17)



Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Fearful Forecast 2014

NFC EAST

 (3) Philadelphia: The curious case of DeSean Jackson may never truly be solved, and it remains to be seen how much his departure will hurt Nick Foles' development. The idea here seems to be that this team is counting on its young players to take some big steps forward, especially on a defense that was lacking at times last year.

Washington: Jackson ended up here, as unceremoniously cast-off Eagles tend to do. This offense could be explosive, but a new coach, a quarterback who seems to be fighting himself and a defense that wasn't good last year and didn't get any better all make it hard for me to consider them a serious challenger.

N.Y. Giants: I'd normally trust the G-Men to figure it out after a disastrous season like last year's, but their free-agent spending spree only highlighted the fact that they've had some truly terrible drafts over the last four to five years. Their current inability to adapt to their new offense has them facing some of the same questions Washington is.

Dallas: Tony Romo continues to simultaneously not be the Cowboys' biggest problem and also not be the solution. Here's their biggest problem: One of the worst defenses of all time lost its three best players. How do you think that movie's gonna end?

NFC NORTH

 (4) Green Bay: Even despite losing Aaron Rodgers for a period down the stretch last year, the Packers still won the division. If he and everyone else can stay healthy -- and that's been an... issue the last few years -- a repeat, at minimum, is highly likely.

(5) Chicago: Meanwhile, the Bears lost the division despite Josh McCown playing the best football a McCown has ever played while replacing an injured Jay Cutler. There are few better offenses in the league, and the defense got some badly-needed reinforcements.

Detroit: And the Lions absolutely lost the division with a disastrous collapse that led to a coaching change. Of course, they then ignored their defensive needs in the draft and picked a tight end instead to add to an already explosive offense.

Minnesota: Another new coach here as a bad (and badly handled) quarterback situation doomed Leslie Frazier and this team. Matt Cassel finally emerged as the starter, and he does have an 11-win season under his belt, so there's that.

NFC SOUTH

 (2) New Orleans: You already know about the offense. But this defense turning into a bloodthirsty mob was the best coaching job Rob Ryan's ever done. And since nobody's ever won this division in back-to-back years...

(6) Atlanta: First, they'll all be healthy this year. (Well, except Sam Baker, but he's not very good anyway.) Second, I feel like people are forgetting how good they were in previous recent years before everyone got hurt. Third, they can make some hay early with the way the schedule falls.

Tampa Bay: The short national nightmare is over as Lovie Smith takes over for the overmatched and detested Greg Schiano. The Bucs have talent, but if you're picking them as a deep playoff run candidate, you're asking me to accept that what Josh McCown did last season is sustainable, and I just can't drink that Kool-Aid.

Carolina: Poor Cam Newton. He finally breaks through with a division title and playoff appearance and he loses his left tackle and all of his receivers. And since nobody's ever won this division in back-to-back years...

NFC WEST

 (1) Seattle: The champs are young and ferocious, and Pete Carroll will keep them hungry. They may not have the depth they had last year, but the offense has room to improve and evolve, and they play in a damn sonic fortress.

San Francisco: I... I don't have a good feeling about this. Sure they added needed depth at receiver, but a tough schedule and a defense decimated by injuries and absences for... other reasons is giving me pause. And God help them if anything happens to Kaepernick.

Arizona: This defense has also taken some hits, losing Darnell Dockett to injury and Daryl Washington to suspension. Carson Palmer secretly had a good year last year. But how long can he hold up?

St. Louis: The Rams' pass rush should be terrifying again this season. But any shot they had to make waves in the NFL's toughest division went down when Sam Bradford did. Another concern is their receiving corps, which they have invested a lot of resources in and gotten little out of.

AFC EAST

 (3) New England: Still the class of this division by far, the Pats have two major questions to answer: One, has Revis Island truly relocated to Foxborough? And two, if so, can he elevate the defense to where it needs to be to get back to the Super Bowl?

N.Y. Jets: Rex Ryan did God's work getting eight wins out of a badly outmanned Jets team. They made some offensive upgrades, but can Geno Smith get better? And can they get anything out of their cornerbacks?

Buffalo: It seems like no matter how much promising young talent the Bills bring in, they can't get any traction. Rookie WR Sammy Watkins appears to be the real deal, but E.J. Manuel needs to stay healthy and contribute.

Miami: The Dolphins made headlines for all the wrong reasons last year, so much so that their collapse in the last two weeks that cost them a playoff berth was all but forgotten. A few things were blown up to repair the damage, but what's this roster's true potential?

AFC NORTH

 (4) Cincinnati: There are very few things wrong with the Bengals in the regular season. Their offense is balanced and can be explosive, the defense is stout, and they're far and away the most talented team in this division. Then the playoffs come, and...

Baltimore: Two years removed from a Super Bowl win, the Ravens seem better equipped for success now than after last season's gutting of the roster led to a pretty bad hangover. Lots of issues remain, however, including who's going to run the ball.

Pittsburgh: The Steelers seem to be having an identity crisis. They don't have a No. 2 receiver, their offensive line is a patchwork of young and old and hits and misses, and their defense is a year older across the board and possibly also a year worse. This season feels like somebody's last stand, but I'm not sure whose.

Cleveland: The Browns knew their best player could be facing a year-long suspension and not only didn't draft a replacement, but traded down to select a cornerback they didn't need. They downgraded at safety from T.J. Ward to Donte Whitner. They drafted Johnny Manziel, who was so not the least bit better than Brian Hoyer that they signed Rex Grossman. Can these guys do anything right?

AFC SOUTH

 (2) Indianapolis: I mean, I'd take the Colts over everyone in the AFC North. This won't even be close, and yet it's a team that hasn't reached its full potential yet. Andrew Luck can get better. The defense can get better. And if they get anything even remotely resembling a running game from anyone, look out.

Tennessee: Jake Locker was on his way to his best season when he got hurt last year. Ken Whisenhunt takes over as head coach, but he's clashed with quarterbacks in the past -- is he the guy who can help Locker become the guy?

Houston: I'd feel better about this team's chances for a rebound after a disastrous 2013 season if the quarterback situation wasn't the worst in the league. Whatever gains they make will be led by the defense, where the combination of J.J Watt and Jadaveon Clowney up front could be downright terrifying for opponents.

Jacksonville: Is Blake Bortles the next Blaine Gabbert? The Jags had better hope not. Chad Henne will hold down this poorly-constructed fort in the interim. A lot more talent is needed here.

AFC WEST

 (1) Denver: On offense, the Broncos swapped out parts (Emmanuel Sanders for Eric Decker; Montee Ball for Knowshon Moreno). On defense, they went big, adding Ward and Aquib Talib to help their secondary, and snapping up DeMarcus Ware for a pass-rush boost. Plus they've still got that Peyton Manning guy.

(5) San Diego: A late-season surge and a Philip Rivers revival got the Chargers into the playoffs.
 Keeping their progress going forward will depend on the defense's improvement. Keep anal eye on TE Ladarius Green, Antonio Gates's heir apparent.

(6) Kansas City: The Chiefs seemed to wear down as the season went on and teams figured out how to slow down their pass rush. They have a blend of minor issues (CB depth, WR depth) but nothing that should cost them dearly in a down AFC.

Oakland: Pray that Derek Carr avoids the fate of his older brother, who also started as a rookie and got beaten up so badly he never really recovered. A relatively sever overhaul will lead to continuity issues, which will lead to another disappointing year.
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)