Thursday, November 15, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Bad Days

Will the Chiefs take a lead? Will there be a Ricky Stanzi sighting tonight? Will Norv Turner get fired if the Chargers somehow lose this game after getting beaten by the Browns four days ago? Will the Chiefs even give themselves a chance to keep this competitive? (Answer: Apparently not.) KC Joyner: "The only way two teams from the AFC West make the playoffs is if the NFL employs the NHL playoff rules this year. Which could be OK since the NHL won't be needing them any time soon." FISTICUFFS! YOU HEARD?! Man, the Chiefs can't even win an on-field donnybrook. Meanwhile, Rivers has yet to throw an incompletion. Three minutes later he's not only thrown and incompletion, but also a terrible interception. Then Weddle muffs the punt but the Chiefs miss a gimme field goal.


Hey, they're using Jamaal Charles! Well, that predictably fizzled out.


And there's not much on that clock, either. (Chargers 31, Chiefs 13)

Signal Finder: DEN @ CIN, CAR @ WAS, MIA @ IND (end), PIT @ NYG

I am interested to see long-term if Griffin is measured against Newton as much as he will be against Luck. Whoa, what are the Redskins wearing? Those are like some retro space-age threads. I dig 'em. Wow, I know neither of these teams are very good, but they're similar in a lot of ways and I expected this game to be closer than it is because of that. Geez, Fox, this was the best game you could bring displaced viewers to? checks scoreboard Oh, I guess it was. My apologies.


We've just had three penalties in a row with two and a half minutes left in a game that's probably over. Two of them on third down, even. Apparently no one wants to leave the red zone at this point. That's two Redskins touchdowns wiped out by penalties. Not a lot of "darting" space there, Moose. What was that pass? (Panthers 21, Redskins 13)

That was a bad halftime frame for Mike Nugent - missing a field goal to end the first and getting his kickoff taken back to the house to start the second. Brandon Stokley's still alive? (I asked this question two years ago, one year after this happened.) Also, who had Eric Decker vs. Terence Newman (!!!) as the day's best one-on-one matchup? Newman stopped the Broncos cold in the end zone after Peyton had sliced and diced his way down the field, then he was there on a severe underthrow of Decker on the next drive. Then Decker got him back by getting an interference call on the last touchdown. Good stuff there. (Broncos 31, Bengals 23)

The Steelers literally just got here. (You know the story by now how Sandy's aftermath completely screwed their travel plans.) Wow, Steelers fans are everywhere. That punt was better than Eli's first pass. For whatever reason the Steelers have decided to become a running team again even though they've gone through five running backs this season. It's working so far today, though... set up that touchdown nicely. That pass interference call is dicey. So was the personal foul on Clark for the hit on Cruz in the end zone, but that's the thing about having a reputation.



I don't think the ball broke the plane before Brown's knee hit on this touchdown either. No, it didn't... and they're not overturning it? I don't like that at all. Let's see how the Steelers respond. Wait, what? Oh, that'll get overturned for sure... Ben's arm is clearly coming forward. Really? REALLY? Look. Those of you who've been reading me for any length of time know I'm not That Guy. But these officials just gave the Giants 14 points.




Steelers fans will be bitching about this for weeks and justified as it may be, I don't want to deal with it. And I didn't even mention the clip during the return that also should have wiped out the touchdown. There's another drop by Wallace, by the way. Tynes missing that field goal before the half amuses me. Someone needs to point out that Eli hasn't looked right for at least three games now. Also it's now November and the Coughlin-era Giants have been notoriously bad in November. All these penalties against the Steelers are helping their cause, though. You don't run Isaac Redman outside. Bang! I'M MIKE WALLACE. Good punt return there... are the Giants going to blow this like they almost did last week? Oh my.



I mean, if you're gonna run a fake there, fine (but really, on 4th and 1? Just line up and run the ball. The Giants haven't stopped it yet), but don't run that fake. And of course, the Giants can't capitalize. Man, they look bad going both ways here. The Steelers just pounded it in again - they've completely worn out the Giants, who I don't think are coming back this time. And that's it. Steelers win and tell the refs to suck it in the process. You know what I like about this? Both teams got what they deserved. (Steelers 24, Giants 20)



This thing erupted in the second half.  It was pretty ridiculous. Almost as much as Carson's interception that sealed it. (Buccaneers 42, Raiders 32)



I didn't even know they made dresses that short that flared out at the bottom like that. I mean, I shouldn't have known that, but it just looks a little strange.This is the first time I've actually seen the new opening and I'm nonplussed otherwise. Also, the theme song is still terrible. Already the Cowboys leave points on the field in the red zone - Romo probably could have scored there had he run the ball himself. Of course, Dez Bryant wasn't on the field and they didn't throw to Witten, choosing a 5-5 rookie to target instead. Let the soft fluttering sound of flags waving in the climate-controlled breeze begin. Matt Bryant missed? Really? And Ogletree catches another bomb - he's good for one every six weeks, it seems - but the Cowboys have to kick another field goal, which isn't going to help them win this game. As a penalty takes a Romo interception off the board, it's worth noting that the Falcons are paying more attention to Witten than the Cowboys are. Is it just me, or does the Cowboys' running game go missing for about a month every year? This game is tied and boring at halftime. I expected... more. I'm pretty sure Michael Turner isn't "The Burner" any more. Another miss by the Falcons? What's going on down there? It's taken two and a half quarters for the running backs to break through, and there's Turner with a big one. Touchdown! I didn't think we'd see one of those tonight. The Falcons are owning the middle of the Cowboys' defense. Where was this all game? Ogletree again? Really? Now the Falcons are just chewing up clock. Yep, Orlando Scandrick is still terrible. That's three third downs the Falcons have converted on this drive.




The Cowboys' last three plays were hilarious. (Falcons 19, Cowboys 13)

Somebody's getting crossed off tonight. Let's find out who, shall we? And already the gates have swung open in front of Vick. The Saints' defense is absolutely terrible and they're getting pressure on every play. Well that was a long way to go for nothing. Mark Ingram's been a disappointment so far, so if the trend holds, he'll be a Dolphin in 2015. That field goal attempt was comical. The ball that went off Celek's fingers and got returned for a touchdown was also comical for a lot of the same reasons.



Now Herremans is down?! You have got to be kidding me. Is there a voodoo doll out there somewhere?



What's amazing about this is that the Eagles have run the ball down the Saints' throats so far (poor tackling has helped) and have nothing to show for it but a field goal because they haven't run the ball when it matters most. Also, how did this defense get so bad? Nnamdi's having his worst year ever, Trent Cole hasn't done anything... I can go on but I won't because I'll be sick. Fatigue's probably part of it because, again, Vick's getting crushed every week. Apropos of nothing, Marcus Vick doesn't know how things work:



And now the Eagles have lost the ability to tackle. It's not even halftime and they look absolutely defeated.



Even after the Jackson bomb I have no optimism.  The Saints fumbled the kickoff? And this is why I have no optimism. RUN THE FREAKING BALL. Jimmy Graham just walked past somebody into the end zone and that's probably all she wrote. Wait, what? Riley Cooper just collapsed in exhaustion. Oh, that's a forward pass. It was worth a shot. And it worked! Except, well, you know.



All right, let's do it. crosses off Eagles This is the best possible advertisement for Vick's flak jacket. He's been getting physically crushed all year and hasn't missed any time yet. Although he probably wishes he had. (Saints 28, Eagles 13)

 RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. Atlanta (8-0): Dirty Birds come with bulldozers
2. Houston (7-1): Sort of back on schedule
3. San Francisco (6-2): Stretch run time
4. Chicago (7-1): That was terrifying to watch

BOTTOM 4
29. Tennessee (3-6): Time to go back to Locker
30. Jacksonville (1-7): Gabbert was OK for once
31. Cleveland (2-7): Missed opportunities
32. Kansas City (1-7): How did these guys pull a Monday night game? Seriously


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