Thursday, November 29, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Motions to Stop



Yeah, somehow I don't think this is the beginning of the next great quarterback rivalry. Call it a hunch. (Colts 27, Jaguars 10)

Signal Finder: NYG @ CIN, ATL @ NO (end), OAK @ BAL, BUF @ NE (end), DAL @ PHI, STL @ SF (end)

It's weird to think that the Giants have never won here considering how bad the Bengals have historically been. I'm pretty sure Corey Webster's salad days are over. Pacman Jones is still alive? Well, the Giants just found out he is. It's already 14-0. That was... odd. Did the Giants play that to get first and goal at the 2? Just a weird decision there to get one yard that doesn't matter in this context. I didn't realize the Bengals were carrying so many Rutgers guys. I mention this because Mohamed Sanu just made another big catch this year when they went for it on 4th and 2, and Brian Leonard's still kicking around as their fullback type. And here come the Giant turnovers. This offense has looked like crap for most of the day, and their defense hasn't been able to hold anything in these short-field situations. Time to cut to another game. Looks like A.J. Green was right.



(Bengals 31, Giants 13)

Oooh, another last stand for the Saints is going well. Until that bomb to Julio Jones, that is. I think I would have run those three goal-line plays in a different order if I was coaching the Falcons. Apparently Ivory's been getting the run for the Saints this week. (Is Thomas hurt, too? I know Sproles is out.) You'd think the Falcons would know how to cover a supremely athletic tight end. That's a game changer because now the Saints are almost guaranteed at least three points, meaning the Falcons will need a touchdown. And there it is. Falcons are driving and I think they thought that was a touchdown where the Saints thought it was a fumble. They're both wrong. More goal-line adventures! They wouldn't be in this situation if they'd gotten it right the last time. I hate the straight pass play on 2nd down here. — either run a play fake or just run it. Try running to the outside,  maybe. Nice play by Greer to knock the pass down because White was going to catch it, and it's another short-yardage failure for the Falcons.



Oh, there's Thomas. That was a bit risky. You kind of figured it would end like this, right? (Saints 31, Falcons 27)

If the Bills had a quarterback, they would have won this game. Or, at least, it wouldn't have ended the way it did. (Patriots 37, Bills 31)




Oh, look. A needless Cowboys penalty prolongs a drive that was stalled. That's never happened before. I... I don't believe what I just saw. The Eagles scored a first-quarter touchdown. From inside the red zone, no less! (Cooper's catch was pretty nice, too.) Someone has stolen Felix Jones' jersey because he is running wild out there. The fullback getting loose a few times is only making things worse and the Eagles are tackling like they did in New Orleans. That was way too easy. Now Romo's overthrowing his guys. You know who's good (or at least playing well now that he's been called upon) is Bruce Carter. Aw, Vick. McCoy may have scored if you could have gotten the ball to him. Wait, what's going on? Remember last week when I said it was remarkable how nothing has happened to Vick despite the beating he's been taking every week? Yeah, scratch that.





And there's the first solid shot Foles takes behind this Superfund site of an offensive line. Note that Jason Avant (who just went down himself) was the emergency quarterback because Trent Edwards is inactive for some reason. And I don't know who's next in line. Jackson, maybe? We also need to discuss the last two minutes of the half, where... questionable... clock management by both teams led to there being three possessions and the Cowboys calling two time outs to get the ball back, then taking a knee. OK, maybe we don't need to talk about that.



Wow, Maclin was so wide open he caught that like he was fielding a punt. Romo just ran away from about four Eagles to keep that play alive. Touchdown. Or is it? Big play either way because if it's not a score, Bryant was interfered with so  the ball will be at the 1. I actually think it's a catch — I think his arm's underneath it. Why is this taking so long? Put it on the board. I think I'm the only person who thought he held on to that ball, and it'd be in my best interest if he hadn't.




I do agree with my doppelganger that the catch rules have become far too complicated. Morris Claiborne keeps hitting his own self-destruct button. His number of penalties in this game is higher than his Wonderlic score. And the punt return team just bailed him out. It's like a bolt of lightning just hit this place. A pick-six? Really? REALLY? That one's partly on DeSean as well — throw was behind him but he had his hands on it and should have caught it. Also, King Dunlap — who is playing the role of Morris Claiborne for the Eagles today — could have stopped the runback but just... stopped.



This thing has just about blown up. Three touchdowns in two and a half minutes? Good luck coming back from that. Who misses extra points anymore? Well that's just insult to insult right there. This depressed me. (Cowboys 38, Eagles 23)






(Seahawks 28, Jets 7)


What sorcery is this? Harbaugh uses both of his overtime time outs on the first possession, then Akers misses from 41? Now the Rams are going to try one from 53. DELAY OF GAME?!?! How does that even happen? Now it's a 58-yard attempt... and he misses it! And there's so little time left they may not have a chance to get the ball back. Well, unless they force a three-and-out. Now what do you do if you're the 49ers? I think you have to punt here, pin the Rams in their own end and make them earn it. Why aren't the Rams throwing deep? That holding penalty on Willis just cost the 49ers a chance to win this game... and Aldon Smith sacking Bradford just sealed a tie. Unbelievable.



Donovan McNabb: "Man, feels good finally getting off that hook. Danny, we need to talk." (Rams 24, 49ers 24, OT)

Whoa, that's some serious rain. A fumble already? Oh, this'll be overturned. Oh, there's another one. And this one will probably stand. I don't really get why both teams have come out throwing in these conditions but what can you do. That's a good stop by the Bears defense to not allow a touchdown after that. This is why Devin Hester doesn't get much run in the passing game any more. Another Bears turnover? Did these teams go Freaky Friday on us? Remember too that this turf is among the NFL's worst on a good day, but unless Jennings' man slipped and fell there, the turf didn't cause that interception. Seriously, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And STOP THROWING IT. That was, what, three turnovers in the space of 12 plays or so? checks Four in 13. I'm frightened by how close my guess was. And Schaub throws another one! This is madness. A 51-yarder in this slop? Well, I guess if anyone can make it, Gould can. Now it's turned into a punting contest. The Texans seem to have settled down first and decided to stick to the run game. Oh. OUCH. And Cutler did not come out of that on the good end. Also, guess what happened two plays later. I was legitimately stunned when Jason Campbell signed with the Bears on the first day of free agency — by my count, there are at least six AFC teams he could start for right now (including, frankly, his former one.) Nice deep ball to Marshall from Campbell after a bunch of short throws. Shame they couldn't capitalize. Wait, Gould missed? That doesn't happen. These defenses are not messing around. Graham barely got that one over the crossbar. I feel like the conditions left both of these teams running at about 70 percent. (Texans 13, Bears 6)

This is the same rain that was in Chicago last night, for those wonder- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP THE PRESSES:



The Steelers are making this look like a trap game — Jamaal Charles is running right through them. A draw play on 1st and a week? Serves them right. Are the Steelers aware there's a game tonight? File "Missing easy field goals" under "things the Chiefs can't afford to do at this point" because the Steelers could arrive at any time and administer the beatdown we all know is coming. I'M MIKE WALLACE. He's had an up-and-down year but the "ups" have been plays like that. We're tied. And there goes another quarterback. Succop misses another one? This is getting into game-changer territory. Well, the Steelers certainly don't need to see Leftwich getting up slowly after taking a hit. The Chiefs have had too much national exposure this season and all of their games have been awful. Like here: They get what looks like a fumble return for a touchdown, it gets reviewed and overturned, then they get hit with a 15-yard penalty for excessive celebration of something that never actually happened. Then they get a stop on 4th and 1 at midfield and can't do anything with it. Suisham shows 'em how it's done. And now we're back in the morass. There's been one first down in eight minutes of game time.



The Steelers decided there that they don't think Cassel can drive the Chiefs into field goal range, and they're probably right.



Or not, as Cassel hitting on 4th and 15 and Succop making the game-tying field goal has given us the very real possibility of a second tie in two days. Or... not, as Cassel throws an interception on the second play. LOL at the Steelers not even running a play before kicking the field goal. It's almost as  if Tomlin was thinking, "These are the greatest fans in the world, and they've suffered enough."







This should never have happened. (Steelers 16, Chiefs 13, OT)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Houston (8-1) — Pass "top team on road" test
2. Atlanta (8-1) — Nothing lasts forever
3. San Francisco (6-2-1) — That's a division and conference tie on top of it, which could be big in the end
4. Chicago (7-2) — At least they have a backup QB with a pulse this time around

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (3-6) — Not even Denzel could save this flight
30. Cleveland (2-7) — Could probably use a coach
31. Jacksonville (1-8) — Good thing nobody saw this
32. Kansas City (1-8) — Had a lead. Baby steps
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Thursday, November 15, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Bad Days

Will the Chiefs take a lead? Will there be a Ricky Stanzi sighting tonight? Will Norv Turner get fired if the Chargers somehow lose this game after getting beaten by the Browns four days ago? Will the Chiefs even give themselves a chance to keep this competitive? (Answer: Apparently not.) KC Joyner: "The only way two teams from the AFC West make the playoffs is if the NFL employs the NHL playoff rules this year. Which could be OK since the NHL won't be needing them any time soon." FISTICUFFS! YOU HEARD?! Man, the Chiefs can't even win an on-field donnybrook. Meanwhile, Rivers has yet to throw an incompletion. Three minutes later he's not only thrown and incompletion, but also a terrible interception. Then Weddle muffs the punt but the Chiefs miss a gimme field goal.


Hey, they're using Jamaal Charles! Well, that predictably fizzled out.


And there's not much on that clock, either. (Chargers 31, Chiefs 13)

Signal Finder: DEN @ CIN, CAR @ WAS, MIA @ IND (end), PIT @ NYG

I am interested to see long-term if Griffin is measured against Newton as much as he will be against Luck. Whoa, what are the Redskins wearing? Those are like some retro space-age threads. I dig 'em. Wow, I know neither of these teams are very good, but they're similar in a lot of ways and I expected this game to be closer than it is because of that. Geez, Fox, this was the best game you could bring displaced viewers to? checks scoreboard Oh, I guess it was. My apologies.


We've just had three penalties in a row with two and a half minutes left in a game that's probably over. Two of them on third down, even. Apparently no one wants to leave the red zone at this point. That's two Redskins touchdowns wiped out by penalties. Not a lot of "darting" space there, Moose. What was that pass? (Panthers 21, Redskins 13)

That was a bad halftime frame for Mike Nugent - missing a field goal to end the first and getting his kickoff taken back to the house to start the second. Brandon Stokley's still alive? (I asked this question two years ago, one year after this happened.) Also, who had Eric Decker vs. Terence Newman (!!!) as the day's best one-on-one matchup? Newman stopped the Broncos cold in the end zone after Peyton had sliced and diced his way down the field, then he was there on a severe underthrow of Decker on the next drive. Then Decker got him back by getting an interference call on the last touchdown. Good stuff there. (Broncos 31, Bengals 23)

The Steelers literally just got here. (You know the story by now how Sandy's aftermath completely screwed their travel plans.) Wow, Steelers fans are everywhere. That punt was better than Eli's first pass. For whatever reason the Steelers have decided to become a running team again even though they've gone through five running backs this season. It's working so far today, though... set up that touchdown nicely. That pass interference call is dicey. So was the personal foul on Clark for the hit on Cruz in the end zone, but that's the thing about having a reputation.



I don't think the ball broke the plane before Brown's knee hit on this touchdown either. No, it didn't... and they're not overturning it? I don't like that at all. Let's see how the Steelers respond. Wait, what? Oh, that'll get overturned for sure... Ben's arm is clearly coming forward. Really? REALLY? Look. Those of you who've been reading me for any length of time know I'm not That Guy. But these officials just gave the Giants 14 points.




Steelers fans will be bitching about this for weeks and justified as it may be, I don't want to deal with it. And I didn't even mention the clip during the return that also should have wiped out the touchdown. There's another drop by Wallace, by the way. Tynes missing that field goal before the half amuses me. Someone needs to point out that Eli hasn't looked right for at least three games now. Also it's now November and the Coughlin-era Giants have been notoriously bad in November. All these penalties against the Steelers are helping their cause, though. You don't run Isaac Redman outside. Bang! I'M MIKE WALLACE. Good punt return there... are the Giants going to blow this like they almost did last week? Oh my.



I mean, if you're gonna run a fake there, fine (but really, on 4th and 1? Just line up and run the ball. The Giants haven't stopped it yet), but don't run that fake. And of course, the Giants can't capitalize. Man, they look bad going both ways here. The Steelers just pounded it in again - they've completely worn out the Giants, who I don't think are coming back this time. And that's it. Steelers win and tell the refs to suck it in the process. You know what I like about this? Both teams got what they deserved. (Steelers 24, Giants 20)



This thing erupted in the second half.  It was pretty ridiculous. Almost as much as Carson's interception that sealed it. (Buccaneers 42, Raiders 32)



I didn't even know they made dresses that short that flared out at the bottom like that. I mean, I shouldn't have known that, but it just looks a little strange.This is the first time I've actually seen the new opening and I'm nonplussed otherwise. Also, the theme song is still terrible. Already the Cowboys leave points on the field in the red zone - Romo probably could have scored there had he run the ball himself. Of course, Dez Bryant wasn't on the field and they didn't throw to Witten, choosing a 5-5 rookie to target instead. Let the soft fluttering sound of flags waving in the climate-controlled breeze begin. Matt Bryant missed? Really? And Ogletree catches another bomb - he's good for one every six weeks, it seems - but the Cowboys have to kick another field goal, which isn't going to help them win this game. As a penalty takes a Romo interception off the board, it's worth noting that the Falcons are paying more attention to Witten than the Cowboys are. Is it just me, or does the Cowboys' running game go missing for about a month every year? This game is tied and boring at halftime. I expected... more. I'm pretty sure Michael Turner isn't "The Burner" any more. Another miss by the Falcons? What's going on down there? It's taken two and a half quarters for the running backs to break through, and there's Turner with a big one. Touchdown! I didn't think we'd see one of those tonight. The Falcons are owning the middle of the Cowboys' defense. Where was this all game? Ogletree again? Really? Now the Falcons are just chewing up clock. Yep, Orlando Scandrick is still terrible. That's three third downs the Falcons have converted on this drive.




The Cowboys' last three plays were hilarious. (Falcons 19, Cowboys 13)

Somebody's getting crossed off tonight. Let's find out who, shall we? And already the gates have swung open in front of Vick. The Saints' defense is absolutely terrible and they're getting pressure on every play. Well that was a long way to go for nothing. Mark Ingram's been a disappointment so far, so if the trend holds, he'll be a Dolphin in 2015. That field goal attempt was comical. The ball that went off Celek's fingers and got returned for a touchdown was also comical for a lot of the same reasons.



Now Herremans is down?! You have got to be kidding me. Is there a voodoo doll out there somewhere?



What's amazing about this is that the Eagles have run the ball down the Saints' throats so far (poor tackling has helped) and have nothing to show for it but a field goal because they haven't run the ball when it matters most. Also, how did this defense get so bad? Nnamdi's having his worst year ever, Trent Cole hasn't done anything... I can go on but I won't because I'll be sick. Fatigue's probably part of it because, again, Vick's getting crushed every week. Apropos of nothing, Marcus Vick doesn't know how things work:



And now the Eagles have lost the ability to tackle. It's not even halftime and they look absolutely defeated.



Even after the Jackson bomb I have no optimism.  The Saints fumbled the kickoff? And this is why I have no optimism. RUN THE FREAKING BALL. Jimmy Graham just walked past somebody into the end zone and that's probably all she wrote. Wait, what? Riley Cooper just collapsed in exhaustion. Oh, that's a forward pass. It was worth a shot. And it worked! Except, well, you know.



All right, let's do it. crosses off Eagles This is the best possible advertisement for Vick's flak jacket. He's been getting physically crushed all year and hasn't missed any time yet. Although he probably wishes he had. (Saints 28, Eagles 13)

 RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. Atlanta (8-0): Dirty Birds come with bulldozers
2. Houston (7-1): Sort of back on schedule
3. San Francisco (6-2): Stretch run time
4. Chicago (7-1): That was terrifying to watch

BOTTOM 4
29. Tennessee (3-6): Time to go back to Locker
30. Jacksonville (1-7): Gabbert was OK for once
31. Cleveland (2-7): Missed opportunities
32. Kansas City (1-7): How did these guys pull a Monday night game? Seriously


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Thursday, November 8, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Down And Around

Who does Doug Martin think he is? Adrian Peterson? (Buccaneers 36, Vikings 17)

Signal Finder: ATL @ PHI, NYG @ DAL, OAK @ KC


This will be the ultimate test. The Eagles in the Reid era have always won this game no matter how good the team has actually been. Wow. That was surgery assisted by an unwilling patient. Let's see how the Eagles respond. Three and out! AWESOME. It's bad enough that the Falcons are doing everything right, but the Eagles are giving them more help than they need with penalties, especially on third downs. That they've had the ball for all of 35 seconds hasn't helped, either. Shouldn't those turbines be spinning? It's pretty windy out there. Now the Eagles are starting to click. They needed that touchdown badly. What they didn't need to follow up with was Julio Jones running right past Asomghua. But then, he runs right past most people. Seriously, he cut inside and just took off. How do you slow those two down? Bump-and-run? I'm not sure.


These fans are not happy. Well, what there are of them. That said, credit to the Falcons: You can't play football better than they have in the first half. They're playing like they're trying to get out of town. I can't think of a single Eagles defensive player who's had a good game so far. This is the final play in Saints-Buccaneers last week. He's out of bounds. OMG A SACK! And it took Cedric Thornton to get it? Shameful. Lynch just made a good point: They should probably go for it regardless — they haven't stopped the Falcons yet. They're punting? Bad move. And there's the "Fire Andy!" chant. And even that's kind of halfhearted, partially because this stadium is half-full.


Ladies and gentlemen, stop the presses: The Falcons are going to punt. Hey, the Eagles have the ball at midfield. Or, rather, had. Blocked punt? No wonder the Falcons only did it once. Also, that's the first good thing Casey Matthews has done in two years. Well, that'll be that. In retrospect, that opening drive may as well have been a death march. The game after the bye week was like a lighthouse in the midst of the darkest, roughest seas, and now that that's gone out... (Falcons 30, Eagles 17)
(Patriots 45, Rams 7)

Well, the Jets are certainly seizing the wide-open slogfest that is the AFC East.



(Dolphins 30, Jets 9)

Well, that lasted, what, 25 minutes of real time? Brady Quinn wasn't the answer but we knew that and it's not because of this. That note Adam Schefter had about how long it had been since the Chiefs won a game with a quarterback they'd drafted is staggering, and next year probably isn't the year to fix that. (Raiders 26, Chiefs 16)

What's sad about this is that at this point, the rest of the division would be better served by the Cowboys winning even though all of the evidence says they have no shot. Also, why were there exactly two late games this week? Quirk of the schedule? Anyway, on to the action, and the Giants seem to be choosing the "bleed them out slowly" method, while the Cowboys seem to be choosing the "let's hand the game to them before halftime and get the humiliation over with" method. It's kind of ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. So... yeah. The Giants sniffed that screen out and Pierre-Paul made Romo throw it right to him. The rout could be on here. 



The Cowboys' goal-line offense looks like the Eagles'. Oh, there you go. They needed that badly. That and the interception have somehow turned this into a game. Now Romo's lighting up the Giants' secondary when it's not lighting itself up, though the complete absence of even the thought of a run game concerns me. Am I seeing this? Did the Cowboys just take the lead?






The Giants look completely discombobulated. That's... they're calling it an interception? Did it hit the ground?




And now it's down to between the guy you want the most in the fourth quarter and the guy you want the least. That penalty won't help. Field goal gives the Giants the lead back but they could have had more. Fumble!



The Giants did well to get points there. I have to say the Cowboys' defense has played pretty well for having a 29 on the scoreboard for the opposing team. More in the moment, I have to say the Cowboys' offense is running out of time here. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. The Giants' secondary strikes again — as bad a game as Dez has had, you still can't leave him that open. Wait... did he come down inbounds? I'm not sure he did. Oh, boy. You can see in high-definition that his fingers are on the end line. I'm not sure he had to brace himself the way he did... he probably could have just fallen straight down and he might have stayed in.




Why isn't he on the field? It's second down, you've gotta do the same thing again; wouldn't you want him out there? Oh, they're treating him. Did he hurt his hand? Wow, Romo, that throw wasn't even close.



Well, this division race is over.



Also, #OccupyJerryWorld.



Also also, it was a good day to be a Giant.



(Giants 29, Cowboys 24; Giants 4, Tigers 3; TAFKA The Giant 2, Sheamus 0)

Peyton Manning, ladies and gentlemen. (Broncos 34, Saints 14)

I'm pretty sure ESPN is the only channel not showing Sandy updates. Though Cardinals fans are probably wishing they were. The 49ers' receivers are running through and away from people. Same old story again. Or still. Patrick Peterson is getting used and abused. Been a few years since we've seen that Randy Moss.
Smith's only incompletion was Walker's drop? Jebus. Well, the Cardinals stink again. Order has been restored. (49ers 24, Cardinals 3)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Atlanta (7-0): Seriously, people. Best team in the league
2. Houston (6-1): To the recharging stations
3. San Francisco (6-2): Got back to basics
4. Chicago (6-1): Something about gift horses and mouths

BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (1-6): Gave that one away
30. Jacksonville (1-6): Does anyone care?
31. Cleveland (2-6): Though their win probably says more about the Chargers
32. Kansas City (1-6): What's happened to home field advantage?

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