Friday, February 12, 2010

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: I'm On A Float

This is the first Super Bowl in a long time where I'll be OK with whoever wins. Josh: "Carrie Underwood just arrived off the set of Xanadu." Also, big ups to the folks at Sun Life, whose campaign clearly worked.

We are having some severe technical difficulties here at the office. Not sure how much attention I'll be paying here. The NFC has won the last 13 coin tosses? That's nuts. WE HAVE A DWIGHT FREENEY SIGHTING. Let's see how long this lasts. Has Peyton missed yet? Okay, there's one and that one was knocked away. Hey, a running play. Stover. Good. FUMB- Oh. And yeah, it wouldn't have stood up anyway.

Am I supposed to know who that was in the Motorola ad? I think I am, but I don't.

So the Saints punt and pin the Colts at their own 4, then the Colts proceed to snap off a 96-yard touchdown drive. That's got to be demoralizing. Especially the way the Colts got the touchdown with Garcon running in a straight line and the defense getting crossed up. The Saints have come back with a good drive here, but they need to score. Freeney with the key sack. Still, three's better than nothing.

An entire commercial in auto-tune? Shoot me.

You know what's been missing from this game so far? Deep passes. Seems like all the throws have been short ones. And the few times either team's tried to go deep, it hasn't been there, like when Brees missed Shockey just then. Another time-consuming drive by the Saints, keeping the Colts' offense off the field (even though it didn't work when the Dolphins tried it in Week 2.) Very important series here. That false start won't help. Fourth and GAHHH. That's a potential game-deciding play right there. Brackett and company just blew that one up. On the flip side, they've got the Colts stuck at their own 1. On the flip side of that, the Colts did just snap off a 96-yard touchdown drive and are certainly capable of doing it again in far less time. Except that they won't. Why are they measuring this? He didn't make it. The Saints getting the ball back and scoring before halftime is potentially big - that'll be worth watching as the second half starts.

THE NAME OF THE GROUP ON STAGE. Speaking of that stage, it's making me dizzy. This isn't the smoothest-transitioning medley I've ever heard. Daltrey's voice isn't what it used to be, and I think I remember reading something not too long ago where he himself said that he thought his singing voice was only going to last a couple more years. This was... eh. They're running out of "iconic" rock acts to do this with, aren't they? Makes me think Matt's suggestion of going completely retro and bringing back marching bands to perform at halftime might be the way to go.

An onside kick?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. There are some truly unspeakable things going on at the bottom of that pile. Things I can't talk about in mixed company, and frankly, things I'm not entirely comfortable discussing with myself. Make a call. MAKE A CALL. Saints ball! Wow. I mean it took them about three minutes to decide. But now they have to pay it off or it's all for naught. I like going to the air here - keeps the Colts even more off-balance than they probably already are. Also, Peyton's still on the sideline. Touchdown! That's the same screen they scored on on their first drive against the Vikings. Ladies and gentlemen, the New Orleans Saints are ahead in the Super Bowl.

That was relatively short-lived. Who says the Colts can't run the ball? Also Dallas Clark wins almost any matchup he's in so the Colts were wise to go back to him also. Is this when the offensive floodgates open? I mean, there are a lot of passes being thrown now, which I'm sure is what we all expected from the start. Another field goal? Hmmm. Not sure about that, but you have to think Hartley's confidence is sky-high after hitting the game-winner in the NFC title game. Plus, the Saints know they have to keep this game as close as they can.

Take a knee. TAKE. A. KNEE. Oh, dear. The 11-yard line? That's just bad. Haven't heard Reggie Wayne's name much tonight. And as soon as I think that, he then catches two straight balls, including that one on 4th and two that he almost dropped. That's a big miss and not really in Stover's range at his age but I'm not sure what else you do there. However, as Simmons pointed out, that kick should have been nine yards shorter.

Man, Brees cannot miss. Jeremy Shockey lives! They're going for two here, right? Wait, so what are they looking at? Oh, I see - when he rolls over the second time, he stretches the ball over the plane before he loses it. This should count. Aaaaand it does.

Just under six minutes. Plenty of time. I'm not sure if it's the Colts who have Wayne locked up on Porter or the Saints who have Porter locked up on Wayne but that well's been running pretty dry tonight. Really, Phil Simms? Why wouldn't you blitz here? The Colts have thrown about two deep balls all game (which I think has been a game planning mistake - test these guys deep down the sidelines. Make them cover you down the field.) HOLY CRAP. Did that actually happen? That's really fantastic coverage and Porter jumped all over it. Here's why I love Phil Simms: "What was I saying? Don't blitz? Well, they sent everybody."

Still, this isn't over by any means. But it will be if the Colts don't at least try a deep ball. There's one! I mean, seriously. They don't need a lot of time to score - we've established this - but they have to use that time better. Well that was kind of dumb. Offensive pass interference? What a time for that. Peyton didn't want to call that time out but it's probably a good thing that he did. Well, this is it. It sure is. OMG right through Wayne's hands. This was, like, the shortest Super Bowl ever. You know what else? The better team won. And make no mistake - the Saints won this game. I had the Saints ranked ahead of the Colts for almost the entire season (granted, it was a 1 vs. 1a deal in the middle of the season) up until they lost. Laissez le bon temps roulez or some such. Butch: "I remember as a kid growing up the Super Bowl was boring. The good ol' days are RIGHT NOW." (Saints 31, Colts 17)

So now that that's over with, let's do something I've never done before and go back and look at some of my preseason predictions:

"SUPER BOWL XLIV: New England over New Orleans (This looks familiar... yeah... these are the teams I picked for the Super Bowl last year, with the same result.)"

Yeah, I had the Saints in the Super Bowl, but losing to the Pats, who I expected to go on a swath after winning 11 games with an untested backup QB and still missing the playoffs the year before. Instead, they traded Richard Seymour, their best defensive player, three weeks before the regular season and failed to replace his production, creating a defense that couldn't stop anyone down the stretch.

"NFC EAST

(1) Philadelphia – Even though I'm terrified by all the turnover and problems on defense, I think I ultimately went this way because Donovan McNabb's a better quarterback than Eli Manning and this looks like a team that can score enough points to overcome its defensive issues, which may well sort themselves out."

I was right about the Birds' explosive offense. I was also right to be concerned about the defense, which got cut up by injuries and defections. They didn't win the division, either. Stupid Raiders.

"(5) N.Y. Giants – The G-Men might actually have the best defense in the league, or at least have the personnel and potential for it. But we saw how one-dimensional their offense became last year when Plaxico shot himself in the foot, and the always-reliable Amani Toomer isn't around anymore either. They're a playoff team, but the young receivers need to develop if they want to think Super Bowl."

Oh boy. The Giants' D completely fell apart under new coordinator Bill Sheridan, giving up 85 points to the Eagles in two games alone. Injuries on the back end didn't help, but a lot of the defensive players regressed badly from last season. A couple of the young receivers did develop: Steve Smith 2.0 became a star and Mario Manningham showed potential as a deep threat.

"Dallas – The Cowboys still have plenty of talent on paper, but they seem to lack heart and discipline and are running out of scapegoats. This could go well, or this could become a disaster, especially with their December schedule; they could lose their last five games (at Giants, San Diego, at New Orleans, at Washington, Philadelphia.)"

As lowly-regarded as Wade Phillips is as a head coach (and still rightly so in many respects), the man's always known defense, and it was the defense that carried the Cowboys to actual wins in December and in the playoffs, even.

"NFC SOUTH

(2) New Orleans – New defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has a reputation for reviving defenses. The offense needs no reviving, and I see Reggie Bush having a big year, which will only help Drew Brees and company."

Yeah, pretty much nailed this one. :)

"(6) Atlanta – I'm fully aware that the Falcons have somehow never had back-to-back winning seasons. Seriously, that seems almost impossible. Despite that, I get a real sense this time that things are different. The Tony Gonzalez trade was good for all parties involved."

QB Matt Ryan's midseason injury probably cost them a chance to make a run at a playoff spot, but they put the kibosh on that no back-to-back winning seasons thing.

"NFC WEST

(4) Seattle – Assuming Matt Hasselbeck stays healthy and their WR corps doesn't get sliced and diced by injuries again, the talent level is about the same as when the Seahawks were ruling this division, Plus..."

Well, this year it was the offensive line that got sliced and diced by injuries. The Seahawks didn't win the division or even come close.

"Arizona – Remember, bad things always happen to the team that loses the Super Bowl. Fortunately, the NFC West is still pretty bad (and the Seahawks are the last Super Bowl loser in recent memory to return to the playoffs the following season). Unfortunately, they've also got the Madden curse working against them, too. Fear – or fear for – Larry Fitzgerald."

How about this? The Cardinals beat both curses and even won a wild-card game. And nothing really happened to Fitz.

"AFC NORTH

(3) Pittsburgh – Same old, same old. The champs lost no one irreplaceable and actually get back second-year runner Rashard Mendenhall to help with the rushing attack."

I'd like to forget I ever said this. The Steelers' D lost Troy Polamalu early and got about five years older overnight. And the offensive line remained a concern. Mendenhall ended up becoming the rushing attack after Willie Parker stopped being "Fast."

"Cleveland – The Browns won't be great, but they might be a little better than people think. Whoever the quarterback is – probably Brady Quinn – needs to hope that Jamal Lewis still has a tank left and that Braylon Edwards can remember how to catch."

I had no idea they'd be as bad as they were. None.

"AFC SOUTH

(5) Tennessee – The Titans ran their way to the best record in the AFC before an inauspicious loss to the Ravens at home in the playoffs. They hope to have added more balance with rookie wideout Kenny Britt (Rutgers~!) and Nate Washington, who's good for at least one 50-yard bomb a game."

Er... no. The Titans inexplicably got off to an 0-5 start before Vince Young was put in at quarterback, and at that point, Chris Johnson started to run into the NFL stratosphere, breaking the 2,000-yard mark

"Houston – The Texans have been the 'team of the future' for about three years now, much like the Cardinals were earlier this decade. If they don't break through this season, I fear they always will be. But they've got a chance to do that with an improving defense to complement Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton. QB Matt Schaub staying upright is paramount."

Schaub stayed upright and led the entire NFL in passing yards and the Texans had their first winning season. But they still can't beat the Colts and won't break through until they do.

"AFC WEST

Oakland – Hey, somebody's got to finish second. (Of course, 'second' could be 6-10.) If Richard Seymour decides to show up, the Raiders' defense becomes not all that bad, but the offense still needs a lot of work and/or talent."

I'm going to come out and say it: JaMarcus Russell is the worst No. 1 overall pick since the merger. Only the Rams scored fewer points. And they still won five games! Imagine if they'd kept Jeff Garcia. The Raiders did benefit from the Patriots' miscalculation and Seymour made a decent defense good.

"Denver – Understand this: I like Kyle Orton. I thought he should have been starting in Chicago all along over Rex and I think he's a guy who can succeed in this league in the right set of circumstances. That said, there is no scenario where I'd rather have him than Jay Cutler. Throw in Brandon Marshall's rampant jackassery and a deceptively brutal schedule – seriously, take a good look at that thing – and this could be catastrophic."

It started out well but absolutely went to pot in the second half of the season. Kind of like last year. Orton was OK. Marshall had his moments (beating Dallas by himself; 21 catches against the Colts) but I don't believe he's long for the Broncos.

FINAL RANKINGS

TOP 4
1. New Orleans (13-3) - That Super Bowl celebration will never be topped. I mean, EVER
2. Indianapolis (14-2) - Poised for another run... we think
3. Minnesota (12-4) - And the Brett Favre watch begins anew
4. (tie) San Diego (13-3) - It's Rivers' team now
4. (tie) N.Y. Jets (9-7) - Forging a new identity?

BOTTOM 4
29. Tampa Bay (3-13) – Trudging forward towards... respectability, I'd imagine
30. Kansas City (4-12) – Transformation into Patriots West continues
31. Detroit (2-14) – At least they don't need a quarterback
32. St. Louis (1-15) – Were actually sold. No, REALLY


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Listening to: Shinedown - Sound Of Madness
via FoxyTunes

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