Tuesday, November 18, 2008

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Beat The Clock

GUNSLINGER. This may be the Jets' biggest win since the merger. It's at least top 5. (Jets 34, Patriots 31, OT)

Signal Finder:
PHI @ CIN, BAL @ NYG, DEN @ ATL (end), HOU @ IND (end), SD @ PIT

Oh, Sage. Will you ever stop sucking? (Colts 33, Texans 27)

Wow, the Ravens' defense just got gashed big-time. 20-0 before anything happens? So much for stopping the run. Where's Jacobs been since then? That's an unfortunate bounce. The more I watch the Giants the more unfathomable that loss to Cleveland seems. And what's getting overlooked somewhat is how maligned that offensive line was only two or three seasons ago. (Giants 30, Ravens 10)

And Donovan's starting erratically again. Wow. Haven't seen that in a while. The Bengals' goal line offense looks like the Eagles'. McNabb's throws have nothing on them. There's no zip, no height, nothing. Meanwhile, Fitzpatrick's getting pounded and the Great Ocho Cinco Freezeout Of 2008 continues. Seriously, why does Reid keep calling pass plays when the only guys worth a damn on the Bengals' defense are the two corners? Wait, whoa! What? That hit on Chatman didn't look that bad - Mikell just stood him straight up. Okay, this is really bad. And it just got worse. Good thing it's the Bengals. T.J. started out returning punts for them, right? Really? They've been that bad on third downs? Wow, the Eagles made a fourth-and-short. Stop the presses. And the field goal's the right move here - you have to get points. The Eagles should be coming after this punt, and yes, I know how bad the Bengals' offense has been today. Are you kidding me with overtime? And what's with the Eagles getting all these penalties all of a sudden? This game's gonna end in a tie (6:45 left) because the offenses haven't gotten any better. Fourth and 1 from their own 22. The Eagles should probably go for it, but they're not going to make it - they haven't made it all year - and when they don't make it, they're going to lose because the Bengals' field goal team is coming right out. Now it's the Bengals who should be trying to block this punt. Yeah, that was not roughing the passer. And some more questionable play calling as they decide to run the ball on 3rd down with a crappy RB instead of a quick pass to get closer. Oh. My. God. I know it's 47 yards but that guy's good. Seriously, that's such a Bengals way to... not win. (Interestingly, this happened 11 years to the day of the last Eagles tie.) I'd like to officially apologize to everyone who got sent to this game after their Fox game ended. Kenny Albert: "Nobody knows how to react!" This should never have happened. (Eagles 13, Bengals 13, OT)

Spencer Larsen is a man among men. Was it really that smart to do the 10th anniversary of the Super Bowl team with the team that beat them in the building? (Broncos 24, Falcons 20)

Wow. Maybe the Rams really were that bad. (49ers 35, Rams 16)

Is that snow? There's no way he caught that. Actually, wait. Wow. That is an interception to end all interceptions. Get rid of the football, Philip. Seriously. So much for the snow being a factor. It's already gone. If this game ends 8-7 I will laugh and laugh. Seriously, here was your scoring progression: 7-0, 7-2, 7-5, 8-7, 10-8, 11-10. I blame Norv. What is this foolishness now? What? Does it count or doesn't it? Amazingly, I'm still not sure. (Steelers 11, Chargers 10)

All blessings to the mighty Saint Anthony. Go 'Skins! One wonders how this new funky delivery's going to help Romo's ball control. Of course, he can make it easy on himself by just handing off to Barber 70 times. The Redskins are really locking in on T.O. Oops. Welcome to D.C., DeAngelo. Not much going on so far. Ouch. Owens got drilled and that's an unfortunate bounce. And here's Madden to disagree strongly with another replay decision. I'm not convinced Darcy Johnson and Martellus Bennett aren't the same person. Guess we'll have to hold off on those epitaphs. Damn it. (Cowboys 14, Redskins 10)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Shayne Graham; 2. Donovan McNabb; 3. Rian Lindell; 4. Any officials working a Charger game; 5. Chris Perry.

Paging J.P. Losman. And the Browns are so bad they only got six points off of three first-quarter interceptions. Take some notes: when your quarterback's thrown three interceptions, the handoff is probably the best play to call for a while. And it's working, as Edwards has definitely settled down. That's a long run. Who is Jerome Harrison? Who are these people? Bills special teams! Did that pick get overturned or something? It must've. Fifty-six! Well, all right then. crosses off Bills (Browns 29, Bills 27)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (4-7, W1): We beat Ska's team. Ska's 2-9 team. Big whoop.

JackSux 5 (5-6, L3): Lee Evans can't catch one pass against the Browns? Really? Really? crosses off Seagulls

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. N.Y. Giants (9-1) - Reporter: "What's it like getting tackled by Ray Lewis?" Brandon Jacobs: "I wouldn't know."
2. Tennessee (10-0) - crosses off Jaguars
3. Carolina (8-2) - Sneaky good

BOTTOM 3:
30. St. Louis (2-8) - So much for the renaissance
31. Cincinnati (1-8-1) - At least they haven't given up?
32. Detroit (0-10) - Can't even win a catfight

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