When Black Friday Comes

A sort-of photo essay on New Jersey's mall parking situations on this most treacherous of days:

Moorestown Mall, rear food court entrance

Cherry Hill Mall

Cherry Hill again (They're actually doing construction here, which just made things worse. They're putting a Nordstrom with its own attached two-level parking garage in the middle of the mall complex.)

Deptford Mall, 5 p.m. (the after-work crowd taking up the spots vacated by the all-dayers)

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Now playing: Better Than Ezra - In The Blood
via FoxyTunes

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: On Pin(e)s and Needles

Signal Finder: PHI @ BAL, DEN @ OAK, NYG @ AZ

But first, a few questions. What the hell were Buck and Aikman doing at 49ers-Cowboys? Why'd I get the CBS late game instead of the early one? Was there some sort of convoluted conflict with the Baltimore market? I demand answers.

Butch: Not only were the Lions actually up 17-0, but the Bucs scored 35 straight points after that. Seriously, who is this team beating? (Buccaneers 38, Lions 20)

The Ravens defense is going to be angry after last week. Seriously, you don't think Ray Lewis gave a speech? Not much going on so far. Well, not much different, I should say. DeSean's gotta fight harder to pull that one down. That's a nice leaping grab by Wilcox. Go Quintin! We've been waiting for this - he's come tantalizingly close to breaking one a few times. And that may be the worst pass Donovan's ever thrown. What the what? Kolb? What happened? The announcers are in shock. This... isn't going that much better so far. Did Considine just go the wrong way? What happened there? This isn't a bad drive. Shame Westbrook got tackled at the 2 - I can tell you now how this is gonna end. Aaaand I'm tragically wrong. They put the list up afterwards of the 10 longest plays in NFL history - Reed has two of them. Has the Grey Cup started yet? I'd settle for the MLS Cup (which has started). I hate this team right now. I haven't turned on them, but I hate them. That makes sense, doesn't it? Really, Andy? You didn't tell McNabb you were benching him? That ain't right. (Ravens 36, Eagles 7)

So much for the mystique of Arrowhead. (Bills 54!, Chiefs 31)

Ward didn't make it. Oh, wait, he did. Never mind, then. I'd like to officially submit Edgerrin James as a Ewing Theory candidate. The announcers haven't even mentioned his name. The Giants have that "We'll beat you however the hell we feel like it" thing going on that the Patriots did last year. Hmmm, kickoff coverage seems to be a problem for the Cardinals. Wait, was... was he rowing? That's the worst celebration ever. How does he not catch that onside kick? (What do y'all think of that, by the way? I don't mind it, especially since the Cards hadn't stopped the Giants all day, and I also think the Eagles should've considered it in a similar spot when they played three weeks ago.) I think what we've learned is that the Cardinals, while relatively legitimate, aren't quite there. Hey, what happens if the Giants and the Jets are both the home teams for their respective conference championship games? That's a serious question, by the way. (Giants 37, Cardinals 29)

Zzzzzzzz. The Raiders' goal line offense looks like the Eagles'. Oh, look, a Raider commits a crippling penalty in a crucial spot? That's never happened before. This is the second time in two weeks this Higgins kid has burned somebody on a return. And the floodgates have opened. REVENGE THE TIME IS NOW. Listen, I know it's a rivalry game. But how do you get beat down like that in your house by the Raiders? This may be the worst 6-5 team ever. (Raiders 31, Broncos 10)

Don't look now, but the Colts are getting dangerous. Gonzalez on third down again! Teams might want to start maybe looking to find out where he is on the field or something like that. Y'know, for completists' sake. Well this is interesting, Dungy going for it on 4th and goal here. And it works! Hey, a Jacob Hester sighting. Did he make it? I don't think he made it. You can't call a sneak here, Madden. They need more yards before they can stop the clock again. Yeah, that's what you do. I feel like we've been here before. It's GOOD! OK, maybe we haven't. (Colts 23, Chargers 20)

Yeah, this is about the start I expected too. Lance Moore? Really? I predict the first team to make two consecutive stops will win this game. I can't keep up. And it looks like the Saints are going to get those stops. Sick shoulder block by Rodgers on David to save a touchdown... for the moment, at any rate. The crowd's going crazy for Deuce. What's happened to the Packers' defense? Did the Saints just try to go for two or something? What's that about? (Saints 51, Packers 29)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (4-8, L1): Our goal is to not finish last.

JackSux V (6-6, W1): We're not completely out of it, but we need to win out and get a lot of help.

RANKINGS:

1. N.Y. Giants (10-1) - Have that look about them
2. Tennessee (10-1) - It was bound to happen sometime
3. N.Y .Jets (8-3) - Hottest team in sports right now?

30. St. Louis (2-9) - What do you do now?
31. Cincinnati (1-9-1) - Seriously, Carson, it's not worth it
32. Detroit (0-11) - How about this: Make them play Thanksgiving night so nobody has to watch them

A Few Words, And Then, Time Permitting, A Few More Words

So by now you've all seen the interview after last week's Eagles-Bengals tie where Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb says he didn't know that the game would end in a tie after one overtime period. The fact that he didn't know that is both unbelievable and completely irrelevant to the actual outcome of the game. And he got killed for saying that, which is somewhat understandable. I mean, yeah, how do you not know that? But it doesn't really matter and is hardly the Crime Against Football And All Of Humanity that we in the media made it out to be. The only thing that worked in McNabb's favor was that it took some of the attention off of how badly he played.

But as far as the overtime rule goes, it's not like Donovan was the only one.

Here's a story from Tuesday where the Steelers' Hines Ward admits he didn't know the overtime rules, either. And the thing about this? That last tie back in 2002? Hines Ward was in it. This story stuns me because I figured somebody would try to write it, but I didn't think anyone else would ever admit to not knowing that rule, especially after all of the heat McNabb took for not knowing it.

But here's the real issue, and it's something I've believed for years: No football organization in the history of America has ever gotten overtime right. And that's all of North America. The NFL, college (which is the worst system ever), high school, the CFL, the XFL, the USFL, the Mexican Desert Sands League, none of them.

Here's what they should do:

1. Coin flip and kickoff to start overtime. None of this "start at the opposing team's 25" business.
2. Play until one team scores.
3. The other team then gets one drive to tie or win the game. The game ends after that drive, regardless of the result.

That's gold, Jerry. GOLD. It doesn't change the way the game is played (which is my biggest problem with the college/HS rules), and it gives both teams an equal opportunity to win the game.

See how smart I am?

I Have GOT To Get Out Of This Business, Part XI

1. People aren't spending money on print advertising any more.



Source: SeekingAlpha.com (Butch found this)

2. One of the nice things about working the sports desk is that I don't often have to deal with bullshit like this:

USDA report details more involvement by Vick

By HANK KURZ Jr., AP Sports Writer
Fri Nov 21, 10:53 pm ET

RICHMOND, Va. – Michael Vick put family pets in rings with pit bulls and thought it was funny watching the trained killers injure or kill the helpless dogs, a witness told federal investigators during the dogfighting investigation that brought Vick down.

In a 17-page report filed Aug. 28, 2008, by case agent James Knorr of the U.S. Department of Agriculture and released Friday under the Freedom of Information Act, a person identified as confidential witness No. 1 said Vick placed pets in the ring against pit bulls owned by "Bad Newz Kennels" at least twice and watched as the pit bulls "caused major injuries."

I think this is the first time I've ever written a headline and needed to shower immediately afterwards.

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Beat The Clock

GUNSLINGER. This may be the Jets' biggest win since the merger. It's at least top 5. (Jets 34, Patriots 31, OT)

Signal Finder: PHI @ CIN, BAL @ NYG, DEN @ ATL (end), HOU @ IND (end), SD @ PIT

Oh, Sage. Will you ever stop sucking? (Colts 33, Texans 27)

Wow, the Ravens' defense just got gashed big-time. 20-0 before anything happens? So much for stopping the run. Where's Jacobs been since then? That's an unfortunate bounce. The more I watch the Giants the more unfathomable that loss to Cleveland seems. And what's getting overlooked somewhat is how maligned that offensive line was only two or three seasons ago. (Giants 30, Ravens 10)

And Donovan's starting erratically again. Wow. Haven't seen that in a while. The Bengals' goal line offense looks like the Eagles'. McNabb's throws have nothing on them. There's no zip, no height, nothing. Meanwhile, Fitzpatrick's getting pounded and the Great Ocho Cinco Freezeout Of 2008 continues. Seriously, why does Reid keep calling pass plays when the only guys worth a damn on the Bengals' defense are the two corners? Wait, whoa! What? That hit on Chatman didn't look that bad - Mikell just stood him straight up. Okay, this is really bad. And it just got worse. Good thing it's the Bengals. T.J. started out returning punts for them, right? Really? They've been that bad on third downs? Wow, the Eagles made a fourth-and-short. Stop the presses. And the field goal's the right move here - you have to get points. The Eagles should be coming after this punt, and yes, I know how bad the Bengals' offense has been today. Are you kidding me with overtime? And what's with the Eagles getting all these penalties all of a sudden? This game's gonna end in a tie (6:45 left) because the offenses haven't gotten any better. Fourth and 1 from their own 22. The Eagles should probably go for it, but they're not going to make it - they haven't made it all year - and when they don't make it, they're going to lose because the Bengals' field goal team is coming right out. Now it's the Bengals who should be trying to block this punt. Yeah, that was not roughing the passer. And some more questionable play calling as they decide to run the ball on 3rd down with a crappy RB instead of a quick pass to get closer. Oh. My. God. I know it's 47 yards but that guy's good. Seriously, that's such a Bengals way to... not win. (Interestingly, this happened 11 years to the day of the last Eagles tie.) I'd like to officially apologize to everyone who got sent to this game after their Fox game ended. Kenny Albert: "Nobody knows how to react!" This should never have happened. (Eagles 13, Bengals 13, OT)

Spencer Larsen is a man among men. Was it really that smart to do the 10th anniversary of the Super Bowl team with the team that beat them in the building? (Broncos 24, Falcons 20)

Wow. Maybe the Rams really were that bad. (49ers 35, Rams 16)

Is that snow? There's no way he caught that. Actually, wait. Wow. That is an interception to end all interceptions. Get rid of the football, Philip. Seriously. So much for the snow being a factor. It's already gone. If this game ends 8-7 I will laugh and laugh. Seriously, here was your scoring progression: 7-0, 7-2, 7-5, 8-7, 10-8, 11-10. I blame Norv. What is this foolishness now? What? Does it count or doesn't it? Amazingly, I'm still not sure. (Steelers 11, Chargers 10)

All blessings to the mighty Saint Anthony. Go 'Skins! One wonders how this new funky delivery's going to help Romo's ball control. Of course, he can make it easy on himself by just handing off to Barber 70 times. The Redskins are really locking in on T.O. Oops. Welcome to D.C., DeAngelo. Not much going on so far. Ouch. Owens got drilled and that's an unfortunate bounce. And here's Madden to disagree strongly with another replay decision. I'm not convinced Darcy Johnson and Martellus Bennett aren't the same person. Guess we'll have to hold off on those epitaphs. Damn it. (Cowboys 14, Redskins 10)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Shayne Graham; 2. Donovan McNabb; 3. Rian Lindell; 4. Any officials working a Charger game; 5. Chris Perry.

Paging J.P. Losman. And the Browns are so bad they only got six points off of three first-quarter interceptions. Take some notes: when your quarterback's thrown three interceptions, the handoff is probably the best play to call for a while. And it's working, as Edwards has definitely settled down. That's a long run. Who is Jerome Harrison? Who are these people? Bills special teams! Did that pick get overturned or something? It must've. Fifty-six! Well, all right then. crosses off Bills (Browns 29, Bills 27)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (4-7, W1): We beat Ska's team. Ska's 2-9 team. Big whoop.

JackSux 5 (5-6, L3): Lee Evans can't catch one pass against the Browns? Really? Really? crosses off Seagulls

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. N.Y. Giants (9-1) - Reporter: "What's it like getting tackled by Ray Lewis?" Brandon Jacobs: "I wouldn't know."
2. Tennessee (10-0) - crosses off Jaguars
3. Carolina (8-2) - Sneaky good

BOTTOM 3:
30. St. Louis (2-8) - So much for the renaissance
31. Cincinnati (1-8-1) - At least they haven't given up?
32. Detroit (0-10) - Can't even win a catfight

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Now playing: Clash, The - London Calling
via FoxyTunes

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Locked Down

Signal Finder: BUF @ NE, STL @ NYJ, TEN @ CHI (end), SEA @ MIA (end), NO @ ATL (end), IND @ PIT, KC @ SD (end)

I'm sorry, was Scott Linehan re-hired? I'm shocked to learn that Favre hasn't broken 200 yards passing. I'm even more shocked that FOX is still showing this game. Seriously, how did we see the end of this game? (Jets 47, Rams 3)

This last drive by the Seahawks... man. I think this is why Holmgren's retiring. He's slipping. This is some awful play-calling. Did they throw to the sideline once? (Dolphins 21, Seahawks 19)

And this is the time of the game where Rex is 50-50 to throw a crippling interception. Well, a couple of bad incompletions will do, I suppose. (Titans 21, Bears 14)

Am I the only one wondering if Belichick's thinking to himself, "See that? I can still coach, you sons of bitches." (Patriots 20, Bills 10)

Brees looked furious after that interception return. (Falcons 34, Saints 20)

Oh, Ben is playing. Nice spin move by Wayne after the tip. That's a bad pass by Ben. In fact, why even throw at all in that situation? Seriously, Peyton is carrying this offense. They can't run the ball at all. That's also a bad pass by Ben. A penalty followed by a sack? Really? You're not winning this one, Steelers. This ending looks... familiar. (Colts 24, Steelers 20)

Wow, the Chargers potentially got hosed on that pass interference call. How did Gonzalez catch that?! I swear I've seen more quarterbacks throw into double and triple coverage this year than I can remember. You PLAY to WIN the GAME! I agree with going for two there, by the way. You're already 1-7 and going nowhere this year and probably next. What else do you have to lose? (Chargers 20, Chiefs 19)

Dan Patrick: "You had to really love football to watch this game." (Panthers 17, Raiders 6)

The Eagles being favored by 3 here may be the most puzzling line of all time. A Feeley jersey? They couldn't mock up a No. 35 for Hamels? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Why is Jacobs trying to hurdle people? Big man doesn't need to be doing that. This really is a copycat league, though I can't see Coughlin ever adopting the Wildcat formation. Donovan getting his legs back in the last month is kind of a weird development. The VP-elect in the house! Can we stop Jacobs one time? Actual AP Line: "Baskett's reception on a fade pass was his second biggest catch this week." I keep looking up and the Giants always seem to have the ball. Wait, what? You're telling me Eli didn't cross the line of scrimmage? I don't buy it and neither does Madden. See, the ball's still in his hand, though, is what I'm seeing. Ah, so Ward is "Wind" and Bradshaw is "Fire". Glad we got that resolved. Hmmm. You know whose name we haven't heard all night is Brian Westbrook, and that's a bad sign. If you're the Eagles, do you consider an onside kick here? Why are they just standing there? (You don't call time out until you're across midfield, but still.) Is this the Super Bowl again? How do you not have another play called already? Geez. (Giants 36, Eagles 31)

I wonder what the thought process behind putting this game on Monday night was. That's an inauspicious beginning. I don't know who any of these people are. Hey, how about covering Boldin? Is Edge still on the Cardinals? I haven't seen him at all tonight. I'm still wondering what the Cardinals are gonna do to piss this one away. Oh, never mind. Worse quarterback: Shaun Hill or Sage Rosenfels? Seriously, there wasn't a 49er within 15 yards of where that ball went. (I got two words for Niners management: Byron. Leftwich.) Some dreadful attempts at tackling by the Cardinals here. I can't even call it tackling. Oh my God. First and goal from the 2? After all that? I guess this is our answer. This would be such a Cardinals way to lose. Wait, what are they reviewing? Oh, the spot, I guess. THEY HELD! THEY HELD! Welcome to a new and glorious age. (Cardinals 29, 49ers 24)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (3-6, L2): So check out how bad my season's going. I agree to a trade with Bob on Tuesday: Delhomme and Fitzgerald for Cutler, Chambers and Breaston. And it doesn't get processed until MONDAY. So I lose out on the 30+ points Cutler got against the Browns and get stuck with Delhomme's -0.9 effort against the Raiders. (Seriously, Russell outscored him from the sideline of the REAL GAME.) crosses off Seagulls

JackSux (5-5, L2): A bad loss at a bad time, as I get annihilated by Johnny. How does Coles get 1.90 points in a game where the Jets score 47?

RANKINGS:
1. (tie) N.Y. Giants (8-1) - As their games get uglier, they seem to be more effective
(tie) Tennessee (9-0) - Raiders fans everywhere are wondering, "Where the hell was this Kerry Collins four years ago?"
3. New England (6-3) - It's ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE

30. Oakland (2-7) - Maybe things can get worse
31. Cincinnati (1-8) - A joke searching for a punchline
32. Detroit (0-9) - Seriously... who are they beating?

By the Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Exercise Your Right

Signal Finder: GB @ TEN, NYJ @ BUF, PHI @ SEA

The Bengals' remaining opponents just breathed a huge sigh of relief. Actual AP Line: "At 1-8, the Bengals are no longer on pace to be historically bad." (Bengals 21, Jaguars 19)

Who ARE these guys? Nice Favre impression by Edwards. There's three Jets over there. Looks like Lynch lost his load running down the interception. Those 27 plays the Bills went without getting any points were pretty impressive. Think about that. They had the ball for a quarter and didn't score at all. GUNSLINGER. See, that's how you grind out a drive. I feel like the Jets got lucky here, which is saying something since they never win in Buffalo. (Jets 26, Bills 17)

Did we really have two non-quarterbacks throw touchdown passes in the same game? That's never happened before, right? I feel like this got under-reported. (Buccaneers 30, Chiefs 27, OT)

Bironas and Crosby have gotta be getting tired. "This is not Chris Johnson!" And neither side really gave too many inches apart from that big run by White. The thing about the Titans is, their passing game's probably their biggest weakness, but the way they play, we'll never find out for sure. CLANG! I've always wondered how frustrating it is to be an offensive player stuck on the bench in overtime. And Fox is forced to cut away at the worst possible moment (because Bironas has already clanged one off the upright, so this wasn't a lock by any means). Can't you do a split-screen or a little PiP action? Something? (Titans 19, Packers 16, OT)

ESPN Radio: "If you've never seen an NFL quarterback throw a changeup, there you go." This sounded like a massacre. Was it even that close? (Giants 35, Cowboys 14)

Seriously, how do you get fooled that badly on a fake on the first play you see? Not only is Donovan misfiring, but the play selection's been awful. Run the ball one time for the love of God. Of course, after that first play, the Seahawks haven't done any better. Are you kidding me with that? Double coverage? I almost burned my fries after that. Isn't this how we started last week, only less ridiculous? Man, the Seahawks are just getting stifled now. Hey, that's how the Texas Tech game ended. This is how we started last week. Ah, the tackle-eligible. It NEVER gets old. Brent Celek's playing BIG. Seriously, I think the Seahawks have had two big plays since that first score. You know what I'm noticing is that the Eagles seem to be knocking down a lot of passes, which is unusual for them. I don't know if that's been a problem with Seneca in the past or not. Now, about that goal line offense... (Eagles 26, Seahawks 7)

It's just not the same without Brady, man. The Colts are done if they lose tonight; let's put that out there right now. Have the Patriots had the ball yet? Harrison's returning punts? Wow. Gonzalez has been all over the place, or at least as much as you can be in a game like this. This isn't the first time Jabar Gaffney's dropped a gift touchdown against the Colts. I'm gonna have to go against Belichick on that one; I think he outsmarted himself. 52! GOOD! Why are the Patriots out of time outs? What an odd score. This was, like, the third-fastest game ever. (Colts 18, Patriots 15)

The Redskins have never worn all-burgundy before? Odd. What the hell was that? When you do that, it's not supposed to go straight forward. And the Redskins have six points without a first down. Is this the Eagles game again? Ooh, a blocked punt. That may be just what the Steelers needed given the way the defenses have clamped down so far. Byron Leftwich lives! And there's Nate Washington again. So much for Campbell's interception-less streak. Polamalu immediately signaled for Tomlin to throw the challenge flag. Like, before the play actually ended. Yeah, that's not even close. How do you not go to Portis there? We haven't heard his name all night, by the way. (Steelers 23, Redskins 6)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (3-6, L2): Worst. Performance. EVER. Seriously, this was a futility record and I don't even have to check it. 29.23 points. "High"lights: Backup JaMarcus Russell: -3.3. Selvin Young: Inactive. The Bears' defense: Lost about 15 points due to their mid-game meltdown against the Lions, of all teams. CHANGE IS COMING.

JackSux 5 (5-4, L1): This wasn't much better, to be honest. McGahee didn't play. Todd Heap might as well not have played. And I was against Kurt Warner.

RANKINGS
1. N.Y. Giants (7-1) - The total package
2. Tennessee (8-0) - Who's scoring on them? Seriously
3. Pittsburgh (6-2) - Ben's status pending, of course

30. Oakland (2-6) - They almost can't get worse, and yet...
31. Cincinnati (1-8) - It's not a good sign when "merely dreadful" is an improvement
32. Detroit (0-8) - What the hell question was asked that Daunte Culpepper could have possibly answered "Yes" to? Besides "Would you like a job?" obviously.