Tuesday, December 18, 2007

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Double Takes

Signal Finder: JAX @ PIT, GB @ STL, BAL @ MIA (end), PHI @ DAL

Think the Dolphins went back to Lemon because the Ravens are spiraling into oblivion? Tell me the reasoning didn't go exactly like this: "They still feel like they got screwed against the Patriots, then they got blown off the field by the Colts, they're missing both their corners and their best offensive player, and they've gotta come down here. This is our last shot." Well, I can certainly believe they're gonna blow this one. Oh my God. Did Billick just pull a Mike Martz and cut off his own team at the 1-yard line? You could tell that one wasn't gonna make it. Wow. Me, last week: "I don't know if they're losing to the Dolphins, though." Clearly, I deserve to be taken seriously. (Dolphins 22, Ravens 16, OT)

Remember how Billick saved his job last year by winning 13 games? That's kind of what Gruden's doing here. (Buccaneers 37, Falcons 3)

Why is Clemens making jump passes? And bad ones, at that? See, that's just rust on the part of the Patriots' punter. Oh, look, they're running the ball. It's like they're saying, "We'll beat you whatever way we feel like it." Look, be honest. Did you really think the Jets have a shot? I mean, really? It snows in Massachusetts ALL THE TIME! (Patriots 20, Jets 10)

Fred Taylor has over 10,000 yards? That's stunning to me. And he's running all over the Steelers, which doesn't happen to the Steelers. Nice weather, by the way. Was that Smith again? Jeez. Uh-oh, the Jags are having extra point issues. See, that's how you do that. That was an... interesting two-point play. Seriously, this doesn't happen to the Steelers. They've been studying that spot for five minutes. (Jaguars 29, Steelers 22)

Did three Rams just miss assignments? Jennings looked like he was fielding a kickoff. Oh, look, another Dan Marino record broken. (Packers 33, Rams 14)

I guess they didn't let anybody in until the fourth quarter. I don't know. (Panthers 13, Seahawks 10)

Draft positioning? Screw that. I want revenge. Hey, how about throwing a flag? Are you kidding me? That busted flea-flicker - that's what's known as going to the well one too many times. LOL at Brown jumping into the Salvation Army kettle to stop himself. Aaaand Witten's running wild again. DON'T RUN IT OUT WHAT THE - oh, Christ. Did Reid really just blow two time outs on a challenge? 'Sup, Jess. How you doin'? Isn't she older than him? Jason: "I thought he was dating Carrie Underwood." Me: "That was last year." I'm starting to worry about Akers. It's weird - the Cowboys are getting the occasional play here and there, but it doesn't seem like it's adding up to much. Gaither and Spikes have been blowing up the run game. Hey, a touchdown. Didn't think we'd see one of those the way this game's gone. Containing Ware would be nice. Roy really needs to stop doing that. Actually, guys, Romo was much, much worse in the Buffalo game. Buck reacted to the Dawkins interception like he wasn't sure he'd come up with it, and we couldn't tell either at full speed until we saw him running the other way. And Westbrook gets loose. How many times have we seen this at the end of games? Wait, did he STOP? That's actually tactically brilliant with the Cowboys having no time outs left. Think the Panthers are gonna invite Jessica to the game on Saturday night? (Eagles 10, Cowboys 6)

SING THE SONG. (Chargers 51, Lions 14)

I honestly thought Todd Collins retired two years ago. He's certainly throwing like it. That's a moronic penalty on Landry (after a great play) and Madden's losing it. All he has to do is turn around and he doesn't get flagged. Unreal. We haven't heard Plaxico's name a whole lot. Sure wish that could've happened last week. They seriously ran Eli's watch commercial three times in the first half. Ouch. Shockey's pissed. You know, the Redskins could still blow this. Oh, man, that drop by Toomer might have been the worst... he had Springs toasted. Eli's not gotten a whole lot of help tonight. They're not gonna fold again, are they? (Redskins 22, Giants 10)

What, no shot of the two Adrian Petersons shaking hands before the game or something? This is gonna be one of those games. I got that feeling. I don't get bringing in Wolfe in this spot either unless they want him to run between the linemen's legs or something. Nice tackling on the bomb to Ferguson, Bears! Ew. What an ugly snap. This is the best game Urlacher's had all year. No SPEED? The Bears are doing a good job holding Young Adrian Peterson down, and both these defenses are harassing the hell out of the quarterbacks. Stop kicking to Hester. Or even in his general direction. Seriously. Orton looks like a guy who hasn't played in two years. Little miscommunication there? Oh. Never mind then. Wow. That last bomb at the end was Rex-esque. (Vikings 20, Bears 13)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL:CI: What a choke job this was. No one but Palmer breaks 10? Gah. We're playing for sixth!

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. New England (14-0) - The line's only 23? I'm still kinda shocked
2. Dallas (12-2) - They can't be happy about that display
3. Green Bay (12-2) - Just to switch it up

BOTTOM 3:
30. St. Louis (3-11) - Games have two halves, guys
31. Atlanta (3-11) - What's that saying about rats and sinking ships?
32. Miami (1-13) - YAY

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