By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Do Not, I Repeat, DO NOT Tug On Superman's Cape

Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, DAL @ DET (end), SD @ TEN (end or regulation), PIT @ NE, CLE @ NYJ (end)

I'll remind you again: Trent Edwards won as many games last year as the Dolphins have won this year. (Bills 38, Dolphins 17)

Nice rundown by Dawkins. There goes Dawkins suplexing people again. Yeah, he's back. Well, that's gonna draw a challenge. What? Nice toss, Andy. Wow, that's close. You can't give Plaxico that much cushion. That's not the most inspired of cheerleading routines. Well, it's official: L.J. Smith is having the worst contract season of all time. WTF! Westbrook doesn't fumble! Wow. They haven't stopped Plaxico in three years. Yeah, this is basically the season right here. GAH! Seems like a strange video package to play when you've probably just won the game. Why'd you field that, Brian? Actually, Moose might be right. Wait, what? HUSTLE PLAYS. Akers can make this. NO!!!! crosses off Eagles (Giants 16, Eagles 13)

crosses off Lions Strahan and I were right, yo. (Cowboys 28, Lions 27)

You wanna know what's wrong with Vince Young? Look at his receivers. Good Lord. I gotta question him running smack-dab into Merriman, also. I don't get that Chargers goal-line sequence, either. Seriously, how did the Titans blow this when Norv Turner was prominently involved? And because Norv Turner was prominently involved... crosses off Titans (Chargers 23, Titans 17, OT)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-6. All I know about this Anthony Smith is that he may be the dumbest man alive. And the problem the Steelers are gonna have is that their secondary, especially with Polamalu out, is the weakest part of their defense and has been for some time. Though the Steelers scoring first will help. A touchdown would've been better, though. Especially since the Patriots are just gonna go and do that. Pretty sure Brady was saying, "I'm sorry, who are you again?" Moss AGAIN? Jebus. How does Davenport get that far down the field? I'm a little worried about Gostkowski. That's certainly not how they drew that up. Props to Moss (I can't believe I just wrote that) for throwing it back to Brady. Wow, the Steelers ran that exact play last year? I had no idea. Well, so much for that. Belichick: "We've played against a lot better safeties than him." And Smith could have at least grown a set and stood behind his dumb-ass comments afterwards. You know, if Edge's voice was deeper, he'd sound just like Brady. Also, I'm officially opening the predictions window on what the opening line on Pats-Dolphins will be next Sunday night. (Patriots 34, Steelers 13)

FLEXED: Redskins-Vikings in, Bucs-49ers out for Week 16.

Yeah, this whole "pass all the time" thing is working for the Seahawks. Did anyone really believe the Cardinals had a chance to win this division? THEY'RE THE CARDINALS. (Seahawks 42, Cardinals 21)

Hey, way to bounce back, Ravens! These backup corners are getting destroyed. That safety's gonna screw up so many parlays. THIRTY! I'd say this isn't funny anymore but it really is. Collinsworth's line about the Pats putting in an NBA scoreboard was pretty good. Can he do that, say, 11 more times? Because that'll probably be all the Ravens get tonight. Actually, Al, I'm not at all surprised that Sorgi has a better career passer rating than Peyton. I don't think the Colts even carry a third QB. Madden's not a crab cake fan? That surprises me. Troy Smith lives! Wow, Madden just said that Boller isn't good enough. Granted, we've known this for at least three years, but for a talking head to come out and actually say something like that... I don't know if they're losing to the Dolphins, though. (Colts 44, Ravens 20)

So Chris Redman followed the Tommy Maddox path and sold insurance for two years? Awesome. A dead, under-capacity crowd at an Atlanta pro sports event? That's never happened before. That's a good drive by the Saints. That story about Dunn and the guy who killed his mother is nuts. LOL at Tirico complaining about Atlanta traffic. "It's always like this." Seems like the road team almost always wins this matchup. (Saints 34, Falcons 14)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL:CI: Three points, Carson Palmer? Three points? Against the Rams? You can piss right off. Needless to say, Jet kicked our asses. Onward to... the consolation bracket. And this was the good news...

JackSux 4: This you're not gonna believe. I had Butch beat. I was in. Then, Yahoo recalculated and gave the Vikings' defense an additional point. Butch started the Vikings' defense, and that gave him the point he needed to beat me. And because I lost, and Gates ended up winning his game by less than a point, I got knocked two days after the last game and Gates ended up getting in. Only to lose to Rob by 60. WTF, Chris. I could've done that.

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. New England (13-0) - The path is officially clear
2. Dallas (12-1) - This makes me very sad
3. Indianapolis (11-2) - Marvin who?

BOTTOM 3:
30. Atlanta (3-10) - Feel the apathy
31. San Francisco (3-10) - Heading backwards
32. Miami (0-13) - They have to clear everybody out, right?

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