By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Grindin'

Signal Finder: PHI @ MIN, WSH @ NE

Ah, English weather. Eli runs like Peyton. I think the streak at halftime was the longest play from scrimmage for the game. Hey, a SPEED 2: Cruise Control sighting! I'm not sure what we should be apologizing to the British more for: the Dolphins, or Tony Siragusa. (Giants 13, Dolphins 10)

Are these... are these touchdowns? You know who's good is Trent Cole. The hell was that? Get away from there! Good Lord. Also, way to waste a challenge, Childress. You didn't learn that from Reid, that's for sure. Did he just hurdle that pile? I was about to say that we hadn't really seen anything that made you go "OMG Adrian Peterson" and then that happens. If you missed Candice's fall on Raw last week, just watch what happens to Holcomb here and you'll know how it ended. That may have been the shortest flea-flicker ever. Nice concentration by Curtis. Oh, we're back to the field goals, I see. Bollinger might actually be better than Holcomb at this point, to be quite honest. Um, wasn't Curtis knocked out of bounds there? The Eagles really bottled Peterson up for the most part. Good for them. (Eagles 23, Vikings 16)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. J.P. Losman (I debated dropping him, but the fact is, he lost his starting job to a guy who won zero games in college last year and only got it back because he got hurt); 2. Champ Bailey/Dre Bly (tie); 4. Steven Jackson; 5. Adrian Peterson, kickoff returner

Aaaaaaand the Super Bowl Losers' hangover strikes again. (Lions 16, Bears 7)

From Week 4: "I'm having trouble remembering the third guy who was at Michigan and wore No. 1 when Breaston and Avant were both there. It wasn't David Terrell, I don't think." This was Braylon Edwards. Shame on you people. (Browns 27, Rams 20)

Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Bills 13, Jets 3

Troy never had more than 21 touchdown passes in a season? Really? Hmmm. (Yeah, according to this, he's wrong. I'm not sure how I feel about that.) Oh, look, another Mike Vrabel touchdown. Troy: "I'm not sure how that happens." Me neither, man. It's only been happening for, what, SEVEN YEARS? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The fake spike LIVES! As far as running up the score goes, look at it another way: Would you rather they started taking knees with 10 minutes left? (Patriots 52, Redskins 7)

At least the weather's seasonal. The Broncos failed at containment on that one. Holy crap, that referee got creamed. I feel like Shanahan's doing an in-game impression of Belichick with the "Where's John Lynch?" subplot. Ryan Grant's getting a lot of run tonight. So is Kampman, who just spent the better part of an hour chasing Marshall down. Why is Cutler running here? Remember, they did this against the Bills, too. Whoa! That was quick! (Packers 19, Broncos 13)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL:CI (6-2, L1): WHEN TOP TEAMS COLLIDE... Brian beats me, that's what happens. In fact, here's another perspective on what's going on in Foxborough this year: I was effectively beaten by Brady and the Patriots' defense, who outscored my entire team 62-55 by themselves.

JackSux4 (3-5, L1): Starting Ben over Carson was a good move against the horror show that is the Bengals' pass defense, but we didn't have enough to beat the Iguana Brothers.

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. (tie) New England (8-0), Indianapolis (7-0) - Of course, that'll change next week
3. Dallas (6-1) - I was starting to wonder if they'd forgotten that Romo's contract was expiring

BOTTOM 3:

30. N.Y. Jets (1-7) - So where's Pennington's next stop?
31. St. Louis (0-8) - When's the last time we had two winless teams this late?
32. Miami (0-8) - Could have sparked an international incident in some other countries

NP: Hot Hot Heat - "Middle Of Nowhere"