Signal Finder: JAX @ PHI, STL @ SD, IND @ DEN, UCONN @ RU
The other reason the Tampa Bay loss is so bad is that the Eagles have a bye week next week, and they always lose this game and usually look horrible doing so. With that in mind ... that's as ominous a beginning as possible. And it's just getting worse from here. The Jaguars aren't even pretending to consider passing the ball. Apparently the rule there is once you, as the punter, start to run with the ball, you're fair game regardless. (Aside: How the hell was that #1 on "Jacked Up!"? That was the weakest hit of the five.) "There are no cameras allowed within the player box" because Stroud was on the sideline with a camera in his bag taking pictures of the action, I guess. You know it's getting bad when McNabb has to lobby to get a clear facemask call. The field-level mics are excellent today. What's with all the penalties? It's like they've become the Raiders. Wow, the Jaguars are literally running wild here like nobody has this season. In a way, I'm not surprised by any of this. CATCH THE FUCKING BALL. What is this, 2001 again?
OCHO CINCO. LOL at Carson ripping the fake name banner off the back. And it's about time Chad got involved, isn't it? Vick's going off again. Can he keep it up? Why is Schaub in on the two-point conversion?
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Texans-Titans.
Reggie Bush, while good, is clearly no LaDanian Tomlinson, as evidenced by that ill-advised pass there. These are the Saints of, well, most years: the bunch that can't get out of their own way. Man, Heap catching the ball off the tip by Craft - now they're just sabotaging themselves. Billick takes over the playcalling and the Ravens put up 35? Was that the solution all these years?
from the wire story: "About half the team the Seahawks took to the last Super Bowl seemed either suspended, demoted or lame." Is Brock Huard still in the league? Man, the Seahawks' offense is beyond bogged down; it's positively stagnant, though give Seneca credit for trying. LJ's running wild. Are they really getting lit up by Eddie Kennison? Really? Don't throw it! At least not there! The Chiefs are really, really trying to lose this game ... first that, then Law dropping the pick, then he fell on the Jackson touchdown. Wow, did they get bailed out.
The Cardinals may not recover from the Bears chokeout. I mean ever. The hell were you thinking, Edge? At least he finally scored.
The Jets are 4-4? If it weren't for the Saints, this would be the surprise of the year.
THIS IS A CLASH OF TITANS. This should be very interesting if only to see if Shanahan lets the Broncos' offense try to do anything against the Colts' defense. The Colts would be better served at this point using the pass to set up the run. Darrent Williams is getting used and abused. You know who's good is Peyton Manning. This can't be what the Broncos wanted - they're putting uppoints, but they have to because their vaunted defense is getting cut up. On the flip side, usually the score would be about 33-10 by now. Mike Bell in the house! 1:48? Yeah, that's way too much time. See?
I got the two years switched in my head. Sorry, Rob. (But I'm right about the fallout from that Arizona loss.) WTF Ben. Hey, a Jerry Porter sighting! He could be just the... spark... this offense... needs? Wow. This is truly pathetic. On both sides. Cowher really just needs to put Batch back in because Ben's not right.
LDT goes off. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. It's strange actually seeing the dramatic philosophical shift the Rams have undergone under Linehan. Falling behind early put the kibosh on that, though. Stephen Davis? I'm not sure about the onside kick in that spot. I mean, yeah, you'd have to score almost immediately if you stop them on defense, but if they get it and score, it's over. Maybe next time they'll listen to me.
What's happened to the Panthers?
It's almost too obvious a strategy, isn't it? Throw the ball repeatedly against a good run defense? So that's where Brooks Bollinger ended up. I didn't know.
FANTASY REPORT USFLaPa (5-3, L1): Thanks to McNabb's no-show (not to mention, well, everybody else's), Chaz crushed us. I'm not a fan of my WR depth at this point. Next is Doom, who scored all of 20 points last week.
JackSux (2-6, L6): Enough is enough AND IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE. My six-player deal with Butch had not been approved at press time.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Chicago (7-0) - If they can keep scoring points like this...
2. Indianapolis (7-0) - Clear leader in AFC
3. (tie) New England (6-1) - Don't look now, but...
(tie) San Diego (5-2) - The Merriman situation bears watching
BOTTOM 3:
30. Oakland (2-5) - Ah, sweet home cooking
31. Detroit (1-6) - Meh
32. Arizona (1-7) - Same old Cardinals
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: A Real Kick In The Pants
Signal Finder: PHI @ TB, WSH @ IND, DEN @ CLE (what)
I'd love to know why we got a CBS early game last week but not this week. As it is, all I've got to watch during the commercials is a DirecTV infomercial hosted by Brooke Burke. Didn't the Steelers and Falcons play to some high-scoring tie last time they hooked up? Ben looks better. Vick looks good. I can't say the same for the alleged coverage on Ward. CLANG. Just looking at Ben being carted off, you can tell he has no idea where he is. He might think he's still dating Natalie Gulbis. Somebody get that man his shoe! How does a field goal get screwed up three times? Wow. This one's going to linger. After this I expect Arthur Blank to pay Terry Bradshaw to rip Vick every week.
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Packers-Dolphins.
What's happened to the Jaguars?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Eagles-Bucs. The worst part of Joe Buck doing World Series games is you've got nobodies like whoever this is with Baldinger doing second-tier games. I can't imagine who's in Oakland. I say the block of cream cheese melts about 1/4 of the way but the cheesesteak is unaffected. Wow, the Bucs have no offense. Who are you and what have you done with Donovan? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'm sure they're good people, and they come across like they are, but from a strictly competitive standpoint I really don't like the Barber brothers. Ronde owns Donovan like John Welbourn used to own Warren Sapp, and Tiki's been killing them for years. You wanna throw that into the end zone next time? Good Lord. And now it's time for the third quarter comeback. Thomas Tapeh lives! There's a nice visual, thanks for that. There's always a point where there's a few plays in a row where everything on both sides happens noticeably slower than anything else that's gone on so far, and this is that point. YAY WESTBROOK. Nice tackling. Okay, they're kidding themselves. Dude hasn't even broken 40 yards this year, and he's never cleared 50. Nice straight kick at least. WTHITGDSMF. You know what the worst part about that is? There are a few guys in this league who can realistically make that kick. One of them is in this game. And it sure as hell isn't MATT FUCKING BRYANT.
Wow, that Super Bowl losers' hangover is in full effect, isn't it?
Not a good-looking hit on Peyton there. What's all this nonsense? When did the Redskins become the Raiders? They're kicking off from their own 5. That has to be a record. If Peyton doesn't come out for the second half there's gonna be problems. Oh, never mind then.
No one but me remembers this, but it was an overtime loss at home to the Cardinals that started the Raiders' collapse that year when they ended up in the Tuck Rule game, and then, really, started this steep descent into the mess they're in today. I wonder if the Raiders are who they thought they were, also. Why did Fox even bother cutting to this?
I forgot to mention this last week but I don't recognize Barry Alvarez not wearing a red shirt. (The entire BCS segment on the O.T. threw me. The whole time I'm thinking "Why is the BCS trophy there? And who's the suit?")
The Giants have never won in Dallas on Monday night? I didn't know that. If I'm them I rush on every down - this line can't block a casket. SAFETY! ding You can't throw that pass. You just can't. Who's luckier at this point? The case could be made that the Fastest 3 Minutes is now the best NFL highlights paackage on the air. Tony freakin' Romo gets a standing ovation? You realize that's one step closer to the Lions, right? Welcome to the big leagues, kid. Nice catch, T.O. The Giants are just piling on now. Quarterback draw! Told you. Parcells: "They out-everythinged us."
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (6-1, W6): CROSS-LEAGUE REVENGE FROM LAST WEEK as I hang on to beat Gates by .12. I was hoping Tiki didn't score any touchdowns, but I forgot that he also has Jay Feely. LDT's touchdown pass was big.
JackSux (2-5, L5): On the other hand, SHV can't get out of its own way. I think the lesson I've learned here is I should never actually draft my own teams.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Chicago (6-0) - Week off gives Rex time to learn to set feet
2. Indianapolis (6-0) - No one's talking about them, which might be a good thing
3. Denver (5-1) - How does a 5-1 team have a quarterback controversy?
BOTTOM 3:
30. Detroit (1-6) - At least Roy Williams is showing something
31. Miami (1-6) - Joey should consider golf. Or poker
32. Oakland (1-5) - Yeah, yeah, they won. They still suck
I'd love to know why we got a CBS early game last week but not this week. As it is, all I've got to watch during the commercials is a DirecTV infomercial hosted by Brooke Burke. Didn't the Steelers and Falcons play to some high-scoring tie last time they hooked up? Ben looks better. Vick looks good. I can't say the same for the alleged coverage on Ward. CLANG. Just looking at Ben being carted off, you can tell he has no idea where he is. He might think he's still dating Natalie Gulbis. Somebody get that man his shoe! How does a field goal get screwed up three times? Wow. This one's going to linger. After this I expect Arthur Blank to pay Terry Bradshaw to rip Vick every week.
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Packers-Dolphins.
What's happened to the Jaguars?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Eagles-Bucs. The worst part of Joe Buck doing World Series games is you've got nobodies like whoever this is with Baldinger doing second-tier games. I can't imagine who's in Oakland. I say the block of cream cheese melts about 1/4 of the way but the cheesesteak is unaffected. Wow, the Bucs have no offense. Who are you and what have you done with Donovan? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'm sure they're good people, and they come across like they are, but from a strictly competitive standpoint I really don't like the Barber brothers. Ronde owns Donovan like John Welbourn used to own Warren Sapp, and Tiki's been killing them for years. You wanna throw that into the end zone next time? Good Lord. And now it's time for the third quarter comeback. Thomas Tapeh lives! There's a nice visual, thanks for that. There's always a point where there's a few plays in a row where everything on both sides happens noticeably slower than anything else that's gone on so far, and this is that point. YAY WESTBROOK. Nice tackling. Okay, they're kidding themselves. Dude hasn't even broken 40 yards this year, and he's never cleared 50. Nice straight kick at least. WTHITGDSMF. You know what the worst part about that is? There are a few guys in this league who can realistically make that kick. One of them is in this game. And it sure as hell isn't MATT FUCKING BRYANT.
Wow, that Super Bowl losers' hangover is in full effect, isn't it?
Not a good-looking hit on Peyton there. What's all this nonsense? When did the Redskins become the Raiders? They're kicking off from their own 5. That has to be a record. If Peyton doesn't come out for the second half there's gonna be problems. Oh, never mind then.
No one but me remembers this, but it was an overtime loss at home to the Cardinals that started the Raiders' collapse that year when they ended up in the Tuck Rule game, and then, really, started this steep descent into the mess they're in today. I wonder if the Raiders are who they thought they were, also. Why did Fox even bother cutting to this?
I forgot to mention this last week but I don't recognize Barry Alvarez not wearing a red shirt. (The entire BCS segment on the O.T. threw me. The whole time I'm thinking "Why is the BCS trophy there? And who's the suit?")
The Giants have never won in Dallas on Monday night? I didn't know that. If I'm them I rush on every down - this line can't block a casket. SAFETY! ding You can't throw that pass. You just can't. Who's luckier at this point? The case could be made that the Fastest 3 Minutes is now the best NFL highlights paackage on the air. Tony freakin' Romo gets a standing ovation? You realize that's one step closer to the Lions, right? Welcome to the big leagues, kid. Nice catch, T.O. The Giants are just piling on now. Quarterback draw! Told you. Parcells: "They out-everythinged us."
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (6-1, W6): CROSS-LEAGUE REVENGE FROM LAST WEEK as I hang on to beat Gates by .12. I was hoping Tiki didn't score any touchdowns, but I forgot that he also has Jay Feely. LDT's touchdown pass was big.
JackSux (2-5, L5): On the other hand, SHV can't get out of its own way. I think the lesson I've learned here is I should never actually draft my own teams.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Chicago (6-0) - Week off gives Rex time to learn to set feet
2. Indianapolis (6-0) - No one's talking about them, which might be a good thing
3. Denver (5-1) - How does a 5-1 team have a quarterback controversy?
BOTTOM 3:
30. Detroit (1-6) - At least Roy Williams is showing something
31. Miami (1-6) - Joey should consider golf. Or poker
32. Oakland (1-5) - Yeah, yeah, they won. They still suck
Friday, October 20, 2006
Molinowned
No Mets.
No Yankees.
No Red Sox.
No 80+ years of fan angst.
This is gonna be the best World Series ever.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Crown Their Asses
Signal Finder: PHI @ NO, HOU @ DAL (ew), TEN @ WSH, CIN @ TB (end), KC @ PIT, MIA @ NYJ
I was gonna ask if the Saints got the same new indoor grass that the Falcons did but it's plainly obvious. Joe Horn lives! It's the beginning of the Houston game again, isn't it? One thing I'm noticing about the Saints that's going to be a problem down the road is their issues with downfield coverage. The Eagles' receivers get open downfield and they just run wild. Like the Brown touchdown. And the Schobel catch. And a couple by Smith. Hey, how about some pass blocking? WTF Michael Lewis. First the Terry Glenn deal last week and now you bite on a double move that Lito picked up on three plays before? Who are you, Roy Williams? Why are there 12 men on the field? Wow, Johnson's pissed. And rightly so. I'm not as mad about this loss as a lot of people are. Is something wrong with me? As for the Saints, it's amazing what a difference having a coach and quarterback with actual football intelligence makes.
If T.O. had a crap game this week he'll end up leading the nightly news in the bad way. Why is Houston ahead? At any point? Ah, that's ... I don't want to say 'better', but order's been restored.
Dare I say it ... Boller looked better than McNair has.
I don't get showing the highlights from every Bucs late-game collapse this year when the Bengals have no time left. Oh, and has Chad forgotten where the end zone is? This is getting ridiculous. Does Marvin actually think this is going to work?
Would it be inappropriate to say that the Chiefs haven't stopped anyone since Derrick Thomas died? I ask because I'm having trouble remembering the last time their defense was any good. Here's the best way to cure what ails Ben: Hand the ball off 50 times. That never happened to Ricky Williams, right? You'll note it's mostly defensive guys who have the long dreads hanging out of their helmets like that.
I think CBS has shown us all of their games now. Yeesh. Mare missed that badly. He's better than that. Must be those Meadowlands winds.
One of my colleagues is a Mets fan so we watched the baseball game. The Mets nearly outscored both teams. At least the Raiders covered.
Glendale is a 'developing suburb' that only has this and the hockey arena. I'm not convinced anyone actually lives there. WTF. WTF. Just when I get on the Grossman bandwagon he turns into Browning Nagle. Meanwhile, Leinart and Boldin are absolutely clowning the Bears. Is this happening? The Cardinals haven't been on MNF since 1999 and it shows. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Nice blocking on the Brown fumble TD. If they blow this... Man, Edge has run behind better lines in Pop Warner. And they're bringing Arrington in to spell him? Urlacher's been in on every defensive play for the Bears. Wow the Cardinals' running game is terrible. OMG. Does Hester have a position yet or is that all he does? I'd say "And that's what makes them the Arizona Cardinals" but this is devastating even for them. Edge: Most carries for fewest yards. Bears: Only team in NFL history to win after being down by 20 with no offensive touchdowns. Oh, and Green's postgame press conference meltdown is the new "PLAYOFFS?!"
Butch: "That was just ... special."
Nate: "TEAM OF DESTINY"
Johnny: "Pray for Cardinal Nation tonight."
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (5-1, W5): We're in a three-way tie for first after beating Scott. LDT was huge again, as was Coles.
JackSux (2-4, L2): I had a .02 lead on Chris going into Monday night, so I basically needed a Bears shutout and Boldin to get in a car accident on the way to the game or something. Didn't happen. We're in a four-way tie for ... well, last despite having scored the third-most points in the league.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Chicago (6-0) - Bears don't look gift horse in the mouth
2. San Diego (4-1) - SUPER CHARRRRRRRGERS
3. Denver (4-1) - Score points, please
BOTTOM 3:
30. Houston (1-4) - Ain't a damn thing changed
31. Miami (1-5) - I thought the AFC was the superior conference
32. Oakland (0-6) - Madden: "Sometimes you go to lick your fingers and there's nothing there."
I was gonna ask if the Saints got the same new indoor grass that the Falcons did but it's plainly obvious. Joe Horn lives! It's the beginning of the Houston game again, isn't it? One thing I'm noticing about the Saints that's going to be a problem down the road is their issues with downfield coverage. The Eagles' receivers get open downfield and they just run wild. Like the Brown touchdown. And the Schobel catch. And a couple by Smith. Hey, how about some pass blocking? WTF Michael Lewis. First the Terry Glenn deal last week and now you bite on a double move that Lito picked up on three plays before? Who are you, Roy Williams? Why are there 12 men on the field? Wow, Johnson's pissed. And rightly so. I'm not as mad about this loss as a lot of people are. Is something wrong with me? As for the Saints, it's amazing what a difference having a coach and quarterback with actual football intelligence makes.
If T.O. had a crap game this week he'll end up leading the nightly news in the bad way. Why is Houston ahead? At any point? Ah, that's ... I don't want to say 'better', but order's been restored.
Dare I say it ... Boller looked better than McNair has.
I don't get showing the highlights from every Bucs late-game collapse this year when the Bengals have no time left. Oh, and has Chad forgotten where the end zone is? This is getting ridiculous. Does Marvin actually think this is going to work?
Would it be inappropriate to say that the Chiefs haven't stopped anyone since Derrick Thomas died? I ask because I'm having trouble remembering the last time their defense was any good. Here's the best way to cure what ails Ben: Hand the ball off 50 times. That never happened to Ricky Williams, right? You'll note it's mostly defensive guys who have the long dreads hanging out of their helmets like that.
I think CBS has shown us all of their games now. Yeesh. Mare missed that badly. He's better than that. Must be those Meadowlands winds.
One of my colleagues is a Mets fan so we watched the baseball game. The Mets nearly outscored both teams. At least the Raiders covered.
Glendale is a 'developing suburb' that only has this and the hockey arena. I'm not convinced anyone actually lives there. WTF. WTF. Just when I get on the Grossman bandwagon he turns into Browning Nagle. Meanwhile, Leinart and Boldin are absolutely clowning the Bears. Is this happening? The Cardinals haven't been on MNF since 1999 and it shows. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Nice blocking on the Brown fumble TD. If they blow this... Man, Edge has run behind better lines in Pop Warner. And they're bringing Arrington in to spell him? Urlacher's been in on every defensive play for the Bears. Wow the Cardinals' running game is terrible. OMG. Does Hester have a position yet or is that all he does? I'd say "And that's what makes them the Arizona Cardinals" but this is devastating even for them. Edge: Most carries for fewest yards. Bears: Only team in NFL history to win after being down by 20 with no offensive touchdowns. Oh, and Green's postgame press conference meltdown is the new "PLAYOFFS?!"
Butch: "That was just ... special."
Nate: "TEAM OF DESTINY"
Johnny: "Pray for Cardinal Nation tonight."
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (5-1, W5): We're in a three-way tie for first after beating Scott. LDT was huge again, as was Coles.
JackSux (2-4, L2): I had a .02 lead on Chris going into Monday night, so I basically needed a Bears shutout and Boldin to get in a car accident on the way to the game or something. Didn't happen. We're in a four-way tie for ... well, last despite having scored the third-most points in the league.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Chicago (6-0) - Bears don't look gift horse in the mouth
2. San Diego (4-1) - SUPER CHARRRRRRRGERS
3. Denver (4-1) - Score points, please
BOTTOM 3:
30. Houston (1-4) - Ain't a damn thing changed
31. Miami (1-5) - I thought the AFC was the superior conference
32. Oakland (0-6) - Madden: "Sometimes you go to lick your fingers and there's nothing there."
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Proof of Pwnership
Signal Finder: WSH @ NYG, BUF @ CHI, MIA @ NE (2nd half), DAL @ PHI, SD(P) @ STL
When you're already overmatched, you can't give your opponents opportunities, either. That's what's hurting the Bills as much as anything else. Where'd this Davis come from? Arena League? OK. This is a beating, plain and simple. When these commercials end, I expect to be watching something else.
Joey Harrington? Really? (I got switched over at 30-0.) What's sad is that this might actually be one of his ten best games. Seriously, how did this happen? It's not like he's a head case like Ryan Leaf was and you could see it coming. Baffling. The Evans touchdown call may have been the least enthusiastic in the history of broadcasting.
I'm calling it now: if the Giants lose today, they're toast. Yet the Redskins aren't acting like they're aware of that. They're very passive. This whole game seems to be running at three-quarter speed. Shockey's gone missing. This is why I don't trust the Redskins -- they're too Jekyll and Hyde. They did this all of last year, too.
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Titans-Colts. Young had a force field around him or something on his touchdown run. How did both Harrison and Wayne go four games without catching a touchdown pass?
It's just a matter of time before the "REG-GIE! REG-GIE!" chant comes back. The Saints are approaching something resembling actual legitimacy, which is as big a surprise as anything else that's happened this year.
Three reasons this game is legitimately important: 1) the Eagles haven't won a division game in over a year; 2) it's a division game; 3) the Eagles haven't beaten a decent team all year. Let's see if I can manage to not mention him by name in this recap. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. (Repeat for the entire first quarter.) Having Lito back is big. What's odd about all of this is that it seems like the nicer digs at Lincoln Financial have subdued the fans somewhat. I mean, it's still loud, but it's a tiny bit less hostile, if you can believe that. Hey, how about covering Witten one time? I know he's good, but still. Baskett's mad at himself. Guys, he was undrafted. I'm surprised Bledsoe has that many rushing touchdowns. Have they even thrown to him other than the Dawkins pick? This is killing him. Absolutely killing him. Roy Williams getting owned on a deep route? That's never happened before. Loved the multiple crowd shots after his drop. PROTECT THE... QUARTERBACK. (Swerve~) FLEA FLICKER!!! WTF LEWIS. Although Glenn would've caught it otherwise (and he dropped it as it was). LITOOOOOOOOO. Good Lord. I think Bledsoe's replaced Brett Favre. What a horrible throw. The other thing that did was cost a lot of gamblers a lot of money (the line was Dallas +7.5).
Hey, Matt Leinart! Your new uniform? I don't know about it. Aesthetically, I mean. I don't know if he's "ready", but I do know he's looked better than Warner did in his last eight or so games. At least MNF has a reason to even mention the Cardinals next week. WTF Kansas City. You have Larry Johnson and can't get four yards? Speaking of LJ, he's gonna want his head back after that face mask. Ouch.
Could San Francisco Bay overflow and drown both teams? It's possible, right? Can we hope?
The Padres are going to regret not jumping all over Carpenter here -- he's too good to not come out of this and shut them down afterwards. You know what's been kind of forgotten about him is that he was supposed to be this good -- he came up with Halladay in Toronto and they were going to bring the Blue Jays back, but he was just never healthy. Ryan Klesko's still alive? Well, barely, I guess.
Why is Michael Turner in the game? And why does he keep getting the ball? Did something happen? I need answers.
SNOW~~~~~~~ God bless Denver. If either team breaks 10, I'll be shocked. Okay, I'm shocked. But it was close.
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (4-1, W4): We beat the winless Basselopes despite subpar outings from everyone not named Donovan McNabb.
JackSux 3 (2-3, L2): To be fair, half of my roster this week was backups, but still.
RANKINGS TOP 3:
1. Chicago (5-0) - And it's no longer close
2. Denver (3-1) - Though more than 12 point a game would be nice
3. Indianapolis (5-0) - You can't stay at #2 after almost getting picked off by the Titans
BOTTOM 3:
30. Tennessee (0-5) - A little something for the effort
31. Detroit (0-5) - Marinelli admits they're still undisciplined
32. Oakland (0-4) - Moss couldn't look more bored if he tried
When you're already overmatched, you can't give your opponents opportunities, either. That's what's hurting the Bills as much as anything else. Where'd this Davis come from? Arena League? OK. This is a beating, plain and simple. When these commercials end, I expect to be watching something else.
Joey Harrington? Really? (I got switched over at 30-0.) What's sad is that this might actually be one of his ten best games. Seriously, how did this happen? It's not like he's a head case like Ryan Leaf was and you could see it coming. Baffling. The Evans touchdown call may have been the least enthusiastic in the history of broadcasting.
I'm calling it now: if the Giants lose today, they're toast. Yet the Redskins aren't acting like they're aware of that. They're very passive. This whole game seems to be running at three-quarter speed. Shockey's gone missing. This is why I don't trust the Redskins -- they're too Jekyll and Hyde. They did this all of last year, too.
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Titans-Colts. Young had a force field around him or something on his touchdown run. How did both Harrison and Wayne go four games without catching a touchdown pass?
It's just a matter of time before the "REG-GIE! REG-GIE!" chant comes back. The Saints are approaching something resembling actual legitimacy, which is as big a surprise as anything else that's happened this year.
Three reasons this game is legitimately important: 1) the Eagles haven't won a division game in over a year; 2) it's a division game; 3) the Eagles haven't beaten a decent team all year. Let's see if I can manage to not mention him by name in this recap. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. (Repeat for the entire first quarter.) Having Lito back is big. What's odd about all of this is that it seems like the nicer digs at Lincoln Financial have subdued the fans somewhat. I mean, it's still loud, but it's a tiny bit less hostile, if you can believe that. Hey, how about covering Witten one time? I know he's good, but still. Baskett's mad at himself. Guys, he was undrafted. I'm surprised Bledsoe has that many rushing touchdowns. Have they even thrown to him other than the Dawkins pick? This is killing him. Absolutely killing him. Roy Williams getting owned on a deep route? That's never happened before. Loved the multiple crowd shots after his drop. PROTECT THE... QUARTERBACK. (Swerve~) FLEA FLICKER!!! WTF LEWIS. Although Glenn would've caught it otherwise (and he dropped it as it was). LITOOOOOOOOO. Good Lord. I think Bledsoe's replaced Brett Favre. What a horrible throw. The other thing that did was cost a lot of gamblers a lot of money (the line was Dallas +7.5).
Hey, Matt Leinart! Your new uniform? I don't know about it. Aesthetically, I mean. I don't know if he's "ready", but I do know he's looked better than Warner did in his last eight or so games. At least MNF has a reason to even mention the Cardinals next week. WTF Kansas City. You have Larry Johnson and can't get four yards? Speaking of LJ, he's gonna want his head back after that face mask. Ouch.
Could San Francisco Bay overflow and drown both teams? It's possible, right? Can we hope?
The Padres are going to regret not jumping all over Carpenter here -- he's too good to not come out of this and shut them down afterwards. You know what's been kind of forgotten about him is that he was supposed to be this good -- he came up with Halladay in Toronto and they were going to bring the Blue Jays back, but he was just never healthy. Ryan Klesko's still alive? Well, barely, I guess.
Why is Michael Turner in the game? And why does he keep getting the ball? Did something happen? I need answers.
SNOW~~~~~~~ God bless Denver. If either team breaks 10, I'll be shocked. Okay, I'm shocked. But it was close.
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (4-1, W4): We beat the winless Basselopes despite subpar outings from everyone not named Donovan McNabb.
JackSux 3 (2-3, L2): To be fair, half of my roster this week was backups, but still.
RANKINGS TOP 3:
1. Chicago (5-0) - And it's no longer close
2. Denver (3-1) - Though more than 12 point a game would be nice
3. Indianapolis (5-0) - You can't stay at #2 after almost getting picked off by the Titans
BOTTOM 3:
30. Tennessee (0-5) - A little something for the effort
31. Detroit (0-5) - Marinelli admits they're still undisciplined
32. Oakland (0-4) - Moss couldn't look more bored if he tried
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Roger That
Signal Finder: IND @ NYJ, DAL @ TEN, NO @ CAR (end), NE @ CIN, JAX @ WSH (end)
Were it not for the broken collarbone that ended his last year in San Francisco, I might buy T.O. having an adamantium skeleton or something. The Vince Young thing was supposed to be a surprise but it got leaked. Is there really a good time to make a move like that when you're this bad? WTHITGDSMF. OK, I hate the Cowboys and everything, but that ain't right. Terry Glenn's still alive? Why did T.O. give Pac-Man his shoes after the game? Identification purposes?
I'm surprised at the back and forth here. This'd be better if the Jets could actually stop Peyton. I mean, he does what he wants most of the time as it is, but this is just sick. The Colts are even running the ball with some success, and that hasn't happened yet this year. If you're gonna go for it in that situation, call a better play. I swear the Colts pull people off the street and put them in uniforms. Who are these guys and why are there so many of them? What the Jets could use right now is... that? Wow, that's an awful lot of time left even without any time outs. And here's Peyton doing his Eli impression. How do you let yourself get pinned at the 2 on a kickoff? Does it look that chaotic when they practice it? Because when you set it up like that, it's obviously a designed play. Just a wonderment: if Washington gets that last lateral, do the Jets make it?
I might catch some flak for this, but I think Culpepper's problems can be summed up in two words: Randy Moss.
Big plays, high scoring, Mike Furrey... Joe Klopfhenheim ... well, there goes my train of thought.
Dillon getting booed~~ It's not like the Bengals to leave points on the field like this. But can the Pats capitalize? Yeah, it looks that way. Man, Dillon and Maroney are just beating up this defense. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Hey, Troy Brown's playing defense again. Where's Chad?
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Browns/Raiders.
What happened to the vaunted Jaguars defense?
Did they really ditch the Sunday Night Football song after three weeks? Grossman is hitting everything so far. I'm thinking the four-receiver set might not be the best idea tonight. This score is backwards, right? I never saw this coming. I might have to change my mind about these guys. We've seen Manning do this before, you know. There's a word for what we've just seen: "BeatDOWN." Thank you, Mr. Wilbon.
No Westbrook AND no Green? Good Lord. I keep looking up and somebody's got first and goal and no one seems to know how it's happening. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Eagles seem badly out of sync without Westbrook, like they haven't adjusted to knowing that he wouldn't be playing (though, to be fair, it was a game-time decision). Reid's running an awful lot. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. This right here is how you lose a game you're supposed to win easily. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And that is how you lose a game that a better team is trying to hand to you. Donovan's taking over the running duties almost out of necessity at this point. Yes, he did drop some weight. Dawkins and Lewis are absolutely laying people out. You know who I like is the Jennings kid. Greg Lewis's still alive? I'm officially feeling better.
FANTASY REPORT USFLaPa (3-1, W3): Thank you, Donovan McNabb. We trailed Missing In Action by 10 points going into MNF, but McNabb accounting for four touchdowns erased that deficit and then some.
JackSux (2-2, L2): We were doomed by matchups. Larry Johnson ran all over the 49ers, Terry Glenn torched the Titans for two TDs, and even Kevin Jones had a big game for Mammy's Dull Thins.
RANKINGS TOP 3:
1. Chicago (4-0) - Third in points scored on top of all that
2. Indianapolis (4-0) - Ground game slowly improving
3. Baltimore (4-0) - But are they actually this good?
BOTTOM 3:
30. Detroit (0-4) - Insert New Coke analogy here
31. Tennessee (0-4) - Vince, stay in running shape
32. Oakland (0-3) - Will be lucky to win three games
Were it not for the broken collarbone that ended his last year in San Francisco, I might buy T.O. having an adamantium skeleton or something. The Vince Young thing was supposed to be a surprise but it got leaked. Is there really a good time to make a move like that when you're this bad? WTHITGDSMF. OK, I hate the Cowboys and everything, but that ain't right. Terry Glenn's still alive? Why did T.O. give Pac-Man his shoes after the game? Identification purposes?
I'm surprised at the back and forth here. This'd be better if the Jets could actually stop Peyton. I mean, he does what he wants most of the time as it is, but this is just sick. The Colts are even running the ball with some success, and that hasn't happened yet this year. If you're gonna go for it in that situation, call a better play. I swear the Colts pull people off the street and put them in uniforms. Who are these guys and why are there so many of them? What the Jets could use right now is... that? Wow, that's an awful lot of time left even without any time outs. And here's Peyton doing his Eli impression. How do you let yourself get pinned at the 2 on a kickoff? Does it look that chaotic when they practice it? Because when you set it up like that, it's obviously a designed play. Just a wonderment: if Washington gets that last lateral, do the Jets make it?
I might catch some flak for this, but I think Culpepper's problems can be summed up in two words: Randy Moss.
Big plays, high scoring, Mike Furrey... Joe Klopfhenheim ... well, there goes my train of thought.
Dillon getting booed~~ It's not like the Bengals to leave points on the field like this. But can the Pats capitalize? Yeah, it looks that way. Man, Dillon and Maroney are just beating up this defense. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Hey, Troy Brown's playing defense again. Where's Chad?
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Browns/Raiders.
What happened to the vaunted Jaguars defense?
Did they really ditch the Sunday Night Football song after three weeks? Grossman is hitting everything so far. I'm thinking the four-receiver set might not be the best idea tonight. This score is backwards, right? I never saw this coming. I might have to change my mind about these guys. We've seen Manning do this before, you know. There's a word for what we've just seen: "BeatDOWN." Thank you, Mr. Wilbon.
No Westbrook AND no Green? Good Lord. I keep looking up and somebody's got first and goal and no one seems to know how it's happening. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Eagles seem badly out of sync without Westbrook, like they haven't adjusted to knowing that he wouldn't be playing (though, to be fair, it was a game-time decision). Reid's running an awful lot. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. This right here is how you lose a game you're supposed to win easily. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And that is how you lose a game that a better team is trying to hand to you. Donovan's taking over the running duties almost out of necessity at this point. Yes, he did drop some weight. Dawkins and Lewis are absolutely laying people out. You know who I like is the Jennings kid. Greg Lewis's still alive? I'm officially feeling better.
FANTASY REPORT USFLaPa (3-1, W3): Thank you, Donovan McNabb. We trailed Missing In Action by 10 points going into MNF, but McNabb accounting for four touchdowns erased that deficit and then some.
JackSux (2-2, L2): We were doomed by matchups. Larry Johnson ran all over the 49ers, Terry Glenn torched the Titans for two TDs, and even Kevin Jones had a big game for Mammy's Dull Thins.
RANKINGS TOP 3:
1. Chicago (4-0) - Third in points scored on top of all that
2. Indianapolis (4-0) - Ground game slowly improving
3. Baltimore (4-0) - But are they actually this good?
BOTTOM 3:
30. Detroit (0-4) - Insert New Coke analogy here
31. Tennessee (0-4) - Vince, stay in running shape
32. Oakland (0-3) - Will be lucky to win three games
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