By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Observing The Gap

YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE at The Confluence of the Ohio, the Allegheny, and... what? They're not there anymore? Ah, crap. Part of the problem for the Bengals is that people know they're coming now. This whole "back to basics" approach seems to be working for the Steelers. Which leads us into This Week It Sucks To Be: Any Bengal who got schooled on Polamalu's interception return.

The Cleveland Browns: An enigma wrapped in a mystery.

BOUNCE. The human head's not supposed to do that. And, typical Favre, he can't help himself and comes back in and THROWS A TOUCHDOWN PASS. I'm thinking Warner should've just gone in, but he didn't think he'd make it even though he's have scored easily if he dove instead of slid. Probably just the fact that he was running in the first place had a lot to do with it. Doug Pederson in any game at any time is a bad sign, folks. Lookit the G-Men at 3-1. Then McKenzie was traded. I don't care how good a player is, if he wants out, you'll always be better off without him.

This may have been what Rob was afraid of, I think: the first view of Kerry Collins being the bad Kerry Collins.

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Eagles-Bears. Though, having now seen them, I'd like to be the first to give the Bears some credit for keeping their motors running. Here's how you disguise a shaky run defense: Take early leads. Did he just bump into the punt returner? Don't you have to know where he is? Apparently three hours of football wasn't enough for T.O. to work off the big dinner at the McNabb family household the night before.

The Patriots won? Really?

Emmitt~~~~ Would he be the best quarterback on the team right now? The Cardinals pick somebody off at home every year. You just hope when it happens to you, it's not at a time when it matters.

Holy shit! It's the Chargers!

What's happened to the Ravens' defense? I know it's the Chiefs, but they don't have any receivers. Right now the choice between Priest & Jamal is fairly obvious, I think.

Fantasy Report:
aPaXFL: The Jets' defense (a free-agent pickup), Emmitt and David Akers (18 pts) led us to a rout of Max's Happy Little Trees. I went with Leftwich at quarterback, and Brad Johnson's benching today means I'll be going with Leftwich for quite some time. I'm 3-1, and next week is The Team That Has Not Been Named.

tSC: Johnny and I were in a proverbial dogfight right up to the bitter end, when The Man held Dante Hall down and I won by nine, giving him his first loss. I'm one of three teams at 3-1, and face another one (Dupin's Sweet Zombie Jesus) next week. Lineup changes abound: Bruce becomes a starter, and Emmitt slides into the flex spot.

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. New England - Yawn
2. Seattle - Running in place
3. Philadelphia - Best start in years

BOTTOM 3:
30. Tampa Bay - Is Phil's kid in to stay?
31. Miami - Somebody call Marine Rescue
32. San Francisco - It's... it's not good, people