Tuesday, September 28, 2004

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Follow Me To Triage

YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE at the prettiest thing IN Detroit, Ford Field. They've had a Super Bowl in this city. Think about that for a minute. This is the NFC team I see the least, I think. Did Harrington just DROP the ball? I'm thinking he's a little frightened. Mike f'n Bartrum? First he gets face time in the Eagles' Chunky Soup commercial, now this? He's a LONG SNAPPER, for God's sake. Roy's been the second-best player on the field. He's gonna be scary good. They never mentioned on MNF last week that Donovan's wife was about to GIVE BIRTH. I'm not sure how you get "Roxy" from "Raquel" but whatever.

Can the Jaguars really make a habit out of this?

Haslett vs. Martz. How this didn't end in a tie, I'll never know. They let John Carney back in the country? You blow an extra point and probably cost your team a playoff berth in the process, then come back and hit two from 50-plus? Explain yourself, sir.

Keep in mind the Chiefs only lost three games all last season. What's changed? Nothing. And that may be the problem. Chew on that for a while.

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Vikings-Bears. No Urlacher, three injured secondary starters, a Florida quarterback, and you can only win by FIVE? You're doing it again, people... you're doing it again. Who IS the Bears' backup? I don't even know.

When they flashed the Falcons final I thought it was the Braves score. And this was before I found out they were THE SAME.

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Roy Jones Jr., 2. Any Chiefs defender, 3. Any Packers DB

SPEAKING OF. Man, think about the viewers who went from Cardinals-Falcons to THIS. Their heads probably exploded. I think I even missed the first score, or it happened right after the switchover. Have the Colts run the ball yet? A lot of this was just the receivers outrunning the secondaries, both of which were banged up though I doubt it would've mattered. Favre can still bring it, but the Colts' D was just a little bit better. How ironic - a rushing touchdown ends it.

You're letting me down, Quentin. I'll take Lelie's catch here slightly over Andre Johnson's only because this one was a touchdown.

This is uncharted territory for all of us. 1977's just before the Niners got good, and none of us are old enough to remember them ever being bad.

Was it really just two seasons ago? Gannon goes down and Rob bursts into tears. (I really need to razz him about this next time I talk to him, by the way.) There's at least 10 teams in this league Collins could start for. The Bucs have nothing on offense. Nothing. Ken Dilger isn't even good anymore.

Nice of them to keep the lights off at Pro Player to save power. That is one big fucking puddle, I must say. Seriously, did you see this shit? Are the Dolphins even the best team in Miami at this point? (A.J.'s still better than Brock Berlin, though.)

Remember the last time these two played on MNF and they BROUGHT THE COMEDY~~? Vinny throwing on the first three plays? Problematic. YOU'VE BEEN SACKED~~~~~

This Week's General Observation: The inside of an MRI machine

Fantasy Report

aPaXFL: Went against Sean's Baton Rouge Tigers, who have... Favre. 36.16. But Brad Johnson having to play catch-up and the Seahawks D blanking the Niners gave me a six-point win. Still, I have no confidence in my current crop of QB's or RB's, so I'm willing to deal. Manning didn't outscore any teams in this league...

tSC: I have Favre in this league. 113-44. Spear may not want to talk to me anytime soon. Favre by himself outscored both Butch AND Tyler, and Manning beat both of them plus Spear. I'm 2-1 in both leagues.

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. New England - DNP. DNM.
2. Seattle - Shutouts are hard
3. Philadelphia - Continuing mastery on road

BOTTOM 3:
30. Arizona - Kept Vick out of the end zone, at least
31. Miami - Surprised hurricanes haven't washed them away yet
32. San Francisco - Shutouts are hard

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