Monday, July 30, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Crystallize

Moss out here shadowboxing on the field. McDonough going right into "Gruden's leaving." "Nothing's official yet." Smart, Gruden. Smart. I'm positive I've brought this up before, but is there a more anonymous franchise in American sports than the Tennessee Titans? Ever since the Super Bowl run, they've never been bad enough or even good enough to be memorable. No real stars, no real personalities. Strange. The Titans kicked off to Hill? That's a risk.





Let's trade some punts! Your reminder that Kareem Hunt wasn't even supposed to be the starter. Hill finds an opening in the secondary, then Smith hits an open Kelce after a well-run play fake. First and goal already. Touchdown Hunt. Two guys I forget are still in the league: Dick LeBeau and Darrelle Revis. Alfred Wilson making moves to get a first down on 1st and 15. Chiefs making this look easy. Touchdown Kelce and they looked like the September Chiefs out there. Derrick Henry fumbles but it goes out of bounds. Eric Decker's still on the Titans? Gotta catch that. Smith out here throwing blocks on screens. Trying to drive down his trade value, no doubt. Dick LeBeau has been in football longer than BOTH OF THESE FRANCHISES.




Mariota throws an interception. Either he or the tight end was late. Not sure who. Gruden pointing out that there are too many routes over there. Titans kinda driving again. Mariota sacked and that'll put a stop to that. Ball out? They're saying his forward progress was stopped, which is strange because HE WAS SACKED.




Field goal is good. Kelce got wrecked. Good God. Smith gets out of bounds. Hill! Smith finds a hole in the zone and that's a touchdown.




21-3 Chiefs at halftime.




Gruden imploring the Titans to throw at Revis. What world is this? Mularkey challenging a spot four minutes into the third quarter down 18 points. Why does he have this job? OK, he won the challenge, but still.




Gruden makes a good point: Rishard Matthews doesn't have a catch in this game. He may not have a target. Nice catch and run by Henry. Touchdown Henry! Wait, no, that penalty's on the Titans. Wait, WHAT? Is that a touchdown? Was Mariota across the line of scrimmage? Yes, and no! He threw it on the run and Revis knocked it BACK to him, he CAUGHT it, and dove into the end zone.







So let's just restate what just happened. Marcus Mariota threw a touchdown pass to himself in a playoff game. Offsetting penalties saves the Titans from a roughing the kicker call on a punt. MUFFED. CHIEFS BALL! Jackson never had a chance. Then Butker misses the field goal. What's going on? Is this an NFL Draft commercial? Really? Mariota to Walker for another first down. These are the November Chiefs. 21-10 after 3. And that Henry touchdown run makes it 21-16. Hell of a time for your first two-point conversion attempt, Titans. Maybe run something you've, I don't know, actually run before. Chiefs really missing Kelce, and it showed on that third down pass, which his backup dropped. Man, the Chiefs are more beat up than I realized. Mariota scrambles for another first down. WTF Peters? You got lucky Mariota overthrew Davis. That should have been a touchdown. Touchdown Titans!! ERIC DECKER LIVES. OH MY GOD. IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.




That was doomed from the start. GET THE BALL. Smith keeper? That seems dangerous. Holding takes that back. Another Smith scramble. THAT time Morgan sacks him and they can't send the kicker out for a 61-yarder here. Fourth and 9. Deep ball is incomplete off Wilson's fingers. Put a little too much altitude on that. How do you not knock Henry out of bounds there? FUMBLE. TOUCHDOWN CHIEFS. YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. Wait, hang on. HE'S DOWN. My God. This won't count. Poor Chiefs. They've blown it again. Yeah, he's clearly down. Mariota with the block! First down Titans!




What a horrible collapse by the Chiefs.





And the Titans are going to get murdered next weekend. (Titans 22, Chiefs 21)

Welcome to HISTORIC LOS ANGELES COLISEUM. Two bad-ass punts by Johnny Hekker already. Muffed punt! Falcons ball after the muff goes another 15 yards. The Falcons have had terrible starting field position all three times tonight. Hochuli: "We will review the ruling." Al: "I thought we were doing that." Bryant kick is good. Nobody needs to see Al Michaels' booty shaking, Justin. NOBODY. Look at Matt Ryan buying time. Field goal is good and it's 6-0. Fumble on the kickoff! This guy's going to the Pro Bowl? Falcons ball AGAIN! Touchdown Freeman with a push from Alex Mack. The Rams are shellshocked. Al has a Walk of Fame star? "The dogs love it." Larry David in the house! And the NBC DJ immediately plays a snippet of the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme. It really does feel like the Falcons having Been Here Before is a factor here. Gurley finally breaks out, and those flags will add 15 more, most likely. Goff with a laser to Kupp for a first down. Touchdown Rams! Ryan drops back and slips. Al says it's new turf put in after USC/UCLA. Then Ryan goes down again and the Falcons have to punt. Goff with two quick completions. Defensive holding is changed to pass interference because the ball was in the air after all (Hochuli stopped mid-announcement because I guess someone was correcting him). Guys are slipping everywhere. Ryan's got blood on the back of his neck, and his head hit someone's thigh pad on that second sack. What a catch by Woods! The Rams have no time outs and they try to spike it, but the officials are reviewing the catch. Stands and the Rams get the down back, as they should. It also stops the clock. Did Gurley catch that? An incompletion here would also help the Rams. Call overturned. Now there are 14 seconds left instead of five. Incomplete. Offensive holding knocks them back 10 yards, and they'll end up kicking the field goal after all. 13-10 Falcons at the half.




Freeman just ran over a Rams defensive back while not going down. Fourth and inches from the Rams' 20 and the Falcons sneak Ryan for a first down.




Rams hold and the Falcons kick it to make it 16-10. McVay's grandfather was an ex-coach and executive who got him onto the Redskins' staff with a phone call. He beat out Calvin Johnson for Georgia Player of the Year? What? Woods EXTENDS to pick that one out of the air. Drive stalls.
Bryant drills one from 54. Cooper loses the ball on the kickoff AGAIN but he's down this time. Robert Woods having a game. Gurley! Not sure why he's not out there on 3rd and 14.



Field goal is good. The Rams have a better shot at building a fan base in L.A. because 1) they were here before, and 2) this team's got young, exciting potential. Well-blocked screen to Sanu gets 52 yards. Jones catches a duck from Ryan for a touchdown and that might do it. Woods with a juggling catch on the sideline. Touchdown? Touchdown. Actually, no. That ball's out. Fourth down now and Watkins drops it. THAT'LL do it.




Falcons should come after this punt, do, and almost block it. Cooper damn near muffs that one too. Rough night for the kid. Collinsworth wondering if taking a safety there might have been the better play, given that it would have led to a free kick from the 20 instead of a punt from the 10. (Falcons 26, Rams 13)

The Doug who should be Coach of the Year is Marrone. The man won 10 games and a division title without a quarterback or his top three receivers.





McCoy is ACTIVE.




Seriously, if you had Nantz and Romo in Jacksonville on January 7, you're a damn liar. Bills get the ball first. SACKSONVILLE. Why is Fournette split out wide? That almost got picked. That's a good punt. Now wondering how much intel the Jaguars got from Marcell Dareus. Eleven plays and the Bills haven't crossed midfield yet? This is gonna be one of those games, isn't it? Jags covered up everything on that 3rd and 2 bootleg. Bortles missing badly on his last two throws. Bad read by Taylor (TE was well covered) leads to a great interception by the Jaguars. Bortles lucky that didn't get intercepted. It occurs to me that we're watching a playoff game between two teams who will both probably have new quarterbacks next season. Taylor's a free agent again, and Bortles has a cap number that almost guarantees he'll be cut. It also occurs to me that Simmons said there weren't six AFC playoff teams back in November, and right now I'm not sure there were three. Taylor scrambles for a first down and gets hit from behind as he slides. Another scramble on 3rd gets another first down. Is Jordan Matthews hurt? Calais Campbell trips Taylor up on a designed third-down run. Bills GOING for it on 4th and 1 from the 3? Nah, they're trying to draw the Jags offside, and it didn't work. Winds are swirling down on the field, apparently. And then the Jaguars jump offside on the field goal attempt! First and goal. Why throw there?







Penalty knocks the Bills back and they don't recover. Field goal is good. Thought the Bills might come after this punt. Bortles just ran for 20 yards to get the Jaguars in field goal range. That's the Jaguars; biggest play of the game. Nantz said that's the biggest play of the game period. He just ran for another first down! Sack. Field goal is... good. Are the shadows in that end zone always that dark? I've never seen it. 3-3 at halftime. So that's where Dede Westbrook ended up. Myles Jack gets flagged for pass interference on McCoy that prevented a likely touchdown. This O'Leary guy is struggling. And of course, the drive dies. Fournette finally breaks a big run. Bortles takes off again! Fournette leaps over the pile — and the Bills stop him! Jags going for it on 4th and 1. THEY PASS?? TOUCHDOWN. Are his feet in? Yep. Jaguars lead.




Huge run by McCoy gets called back for a hold. Jaguars challenging a Bills catch on the sideline and they have a chance to win. Yep. Foot out of bounds; overturned. Bortles drops the snap and then runs for a first down. Taylor hasn't played well in the passing game but his receivers can't catch.
Did he get hurt on this sack? Oh man. He's still down. He walks off finally and Peterman is in.




He just barely avoids a sack and gets four yards for a first down on 4th and 3. Romo's really hung up on the 10-second runoff that ended up not happening. Isn't this grounding? It is, and that'll cost the Bills 10 seconds. And Romo just confirmed that they did run the 10 seconds off earlier. INTERCEPTION. OR IS IT? Can you overturn this? These guys can't. Game over.




McDermott is livid. Bortles ran for one more yard than he threw for. Seriously, Doug Marrone should be Coach of the Year. (Jaguars 10, Bills 3)

Funchess grabbed his leg after that incompletion. Let's keep an eye on that. He comes back for the next series, where a screen pass gets busted up. Cam takes off for 12 and a first down. Laser to Olson.
Field goal is wide right.




Brees finds Ginn, who breaks a tackle and you know how this ends. Like, I don't know who this guy who the Saints just tackled 50 yards downfield is, but Cam needs more talent out there than that. Gano makes this one. 7-3 Saints.




Oh. Ooooooh. That's bad. But Ingram's running like Peat's still out there. Kamara with a nice play after a screen. Now everyone's getting involved. Touchdown to Hill. Panthers pick up 4th and inches. Didn't they have this white kid four years ago under a different name?




Third-down pass to Dickson gets stopped well short. Field goal is good. 14-6. Brees stays throwing darts. Hill had to turn around to catch it and he did a good job to hold on. Diving catch by Michael Thomas at the Panthers' 2. He's down. FULLBACK TOUCHDOWN. Bencil gets tripped up. Gano from 58? GOOD. 21-9 Saints at the half. So while Stewart broke off that run down the sideline, Erin reported that one of the Saints' defensive players' wife just went into labor (!) He's not currently on the field. Cam with a bad pass that he got lucky wasn't intercepted. Throwing on 3rd and 2? OK, McCaffrey converts. That was impressive — Saints had everyone covered and still managed to corral Newton for a sack. Field goal is good, but suboptimal. UPDATE: Father-to-be will remain in game. More Ingram, and as Aikman said during halftime, the Saints' ability to keep the Panthers' pass rush at bay has been a tremendous help. FUMBL— Saints recover. That's grounding on Brees. Saints to try a 57-yarder. It's GOOD. UPDATE: Father-to-be's wife actually NOT in labor; father-to-be injured. Olsen keeping the ball moving for the Panthers. Wait. The Saints have a player named Bush wearing No. 25? Really? Touchdown Olsen and we got a game again.




Oh God. And at the worst possible time. They've got to take him to the locker room, right? Especially considering Derek Anderson is the backup. WOW. They just showed the replay and there's no way Cam saw dude coming. 




Yeah, Anderson's in on 3rd down and it's now 4th down. Brees with a big pass play to Thomas and the Saints are at the 5. Touchdown Kamara and the Panthers need Newton and a miracle, preferably in that order. Cam back. McCaffrey!!




Down to the two-minute warning, Saints have the ball, 4th and 2 on the Panthers' 47. What do you do? I don't hate a punt here (because Carolina's out of time outs) but I can see going for it (because Carolina's out of time outs). Why did the Saints do that? (Throw deep, not go for it.) And why did the Panthers do that? And was that reviewed?




Well, they got it. Ball at their own 31. Funchess gets to midfield. Then this Clay guy picks up 22. That's... that's not intentional grounding. Newton was out of the pocket. Fourth and 23? Saints win on a sack. Dear God. All of that was terrible. (Saints 31, Panthers 26)







Posted by at No comments:

Monday, July 23, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Ribbons and Bows

So the NFL and the networks decided on... no Sunday night flex this week. That's unexpected and surprising and I'm not sure how I feel about it.


Signal Finder: DAL @ PHI, CLE @ PIT, CHI @ MIN (end), CIN @ BAL, CAR @ ATL

Can the Browns win? CAN THEY? Stevan Ridley's still in the league? Darius Heyward-Bey's still in the league? He just scored on an end around. Going into the break with Run DMC's "It's Tricky"? I see you, CBS DJ.
Landry Jones throws an interception as the snow starts falling. The Browns do nothing with it, of course. Juju and then Ridley gashing this Browns' D.
Fourth and goal from the 3 and the Browns HOLD? Turnover on downs! I'm amazed the Browns are able to punt here and didn't allow the Steelers to score. But the punt did go off someone's helmet, so.

Touchdown Steelers. First down Browns! Duke Johnson Jr. is their best back. Kizer throws a rainbow to Josh Gordon for the touchdown! Or not, as he went out of bounds at the 2. Johnson finishes it off. Steelers coming right back. Myles Garrett gets flagged for roughing the passer on 3rd down and Adam Archuleta is not a fan of the call. Touchdown Ridley on the next play. Then Kizer comes back with another good throw to Higgins for a 56-yard touchdown and we've got something cooking here.
They're reviewing this fumble, and I don't think it's a fumble. The announcers are talking about how there should be a time limit for reviews, and I thought there was one, or at least there used to be one. Call overturned. The Browns have "BROWNS" on their uniform pants? What the hell? Horrible tackling by the Browns on this Bryant play. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Is that a fumble or an interception? 21-14 Steelers at the half.
Touchdown Browns! WE'RE TIED! JUJU RUNS BACK THE KICKOFF!! THAT. IS. SO. BROWNS.

Kizer looks good on this drive, probably the best this year. If Josh Gordon's trustworthy, whoever eventually ends up as the Browns' quarterback has a straight-up weapon. Fumble! Gay swooped in and slammed the ball out of Johnson's hand. Haden almost had an interception. That's a very late flag on that hold. And that IS an interception.




Two minutes left and the Browns are DRIVING. Fourth and 2. Kizer's dead to rights, but he escapes... and Corey Coleman straight up doesn't catch it.




Man, I know the Browns have said that Hue Jackson's not getting fired, but I'm not sure 1-31 should be survivable. (Steelers 28, Browns 24)
Bad drop by Torrey Smith, who will be elsewhere next season. Then they go for it on 4th and 7 and don't get it. Cowboys go for it on 4th and 1, as they should, and Elliott gets shut down. Third series for Foles, and he throws an interception. (After dropping a snap before that.) Fourth series and he's just off. Misfiring everywhere.
Prescott come sup short on a third-down scramble. SUDFELD. That was a nice throw to Marcus Johnson that got wiped out by a penalty. What the hell, Donnie Jones? Were you not expecting to work today?

Fumble? Fumble! Nope — holding on the Eagles. Big catch by Dez but it's coming back. Seems like every four plays there's a penalty flag. Scoreless at halftime.



Has either team crossed midfield? For a brief second I thought Elliott was going to wind up for a halfback pass. Barner almost coughed up that punt, which would have been fitting. Smallwood in for the first time in about eight weeks. 20-yard run by Sudfeld gets by far the biggest cheer of the game. And then a face mask! WE'VE CROSSED MIDFIELD, GUYS. Aaand the drive stalls. They needed another first down for a field goal try and couldn't get it. Jones pins the Cowboys at the 1. SCORELESS AFTER THREE.



Cowboys finally reach Eagles territory. Eagles bring the blitz and Prescott beats it for a touchdown to Butler. Bailey misses the extra point. Cut him. Will Beatty with a hold. Some things never change. 4th and 2, why not run the ball? Bailey shanks the field goal attempt with 13 seconds to go. Launch it. LAUNCH. IT. Good Christ. (Cowboys 6, Eagles 0)

Freeman already having a better game than last week. Touchdown Falcons. Feels like Cam's already the Panthers' leading rusher. Not a lot going on now as both defenses have tightened up. I think the Panthers only have two first downs. Well there's a third one. Third and 23, nice work. Good job, Not Cole Beasley. Same long blonde hair and same jersey number. I've never seen him before and never will again. Touchdown Funchess. 7-7 at halftime. Ryan scrambling? OK then. Touchdown Falcons. Or not, as this is being looked at. Nope. They settle for three. Cam, what was that? I'm with Aikman; I can't figure out where that was supposed to go, either. Panthers aren't having a lot of things go right on offense, either. They're still in this game because they've managed to keep the Falcons out of the end zone, but it's tenuous. They need to capitalize on that Funchess catch. He did a good job reaching out and getting it from where it needed to be (and out of Trufant's reach). Bryant from 56. That was almost blocked. Good! That feels daggerish. Cam's latest look for Olsen goes high, and it's intercepted. That may do it.




Did they really bring in a New Audience just as the Falcons knelt for the last time? That's hilarious. (Falcons 22, Panthers 10)


I'M MIKE WALLACE. The Titans have won (Boooo. They need a better coach) which I believe eliminates the Chargers. Dalton throws an interception on the run, but defensive holding nullifies it. Bengals still alive. Fourth down. Caught! TOUCHDOWN BENGALS! 44 seconds left!




Ravens have all of their time outs. Sack by Dunlap, who's been wrecking the Ravens all game. Why throw underneath, though? Fourth and 14, complete to Watson... he's short. That's unbelievable. Bengals win.



And welcome back to the playoffs, Buffalo Bills! (despite throwing away a game with Nathan Peterman) crosses off Ravens (Bengals 31, Ravens 27)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (13-3) — Was there ever any doubt?
2. Philadelphia (13-3) — Mulligan!
3. Minnesota (13-3) — Prep the pillows and mattresses
4. Pittsburgh (13-3) — Ruining the Browns always goes down smooth

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (4-12) — Welcome to the hot seat
30. Indianapolis (3-13) — That soon, I guess
31. N.Y. Giants (2-14) — And back to my point at the top: Todd Bowles outlasted Ben McAdoo
32. Cleveland (0-16) — Welp

Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)