Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, DAL @ NE, HOU @ BAL
It's Week 6 and this is pretty much it. How did we get here, exactly? OK, so because of the roughing the passer flag, none of that happened? Cool. That means I don't have to try to describe it. Coaches have to hate these fourth-and-short situations just inside the opponents' 40 because none of the options are ideal. You just have to hope you're right. Like that right there. Touchdown! Sure, let's get another one, why not? No? Yeah, he didn't make it. Let's try again. That's better. It's taken the Redskins an entire half to put together a drive. Donte Stallworth's still alive? These red-zone giveaways have been happening way too often. And yet it feels like each team should have about 10 more points than they do. Vick looked like he was trying to shake something out of his head after that hit, which concerns me. Here's Vince Young! Back to pass... oops. Everything about that looked bad. Kurt Coleman strikes again? Ladies and gentlemen... Rex Grossman. Me, on Facebook last week: "Eagles are 1-4. Giants just lost at home to Seattle. Cowboys can't be trusted. Did Rex Grossman know something the rest of the world didn't?" Yes. And that something is, he's still a bad quarterback. JOHN BECK LIVES. Well, at least he's not throwing it to the opposition. That's a step up at this point. This is the third decent drive the Redskins have had all game and Beck fumbled in the middle of it. And there's the four-wide quarterback draw that Shanahan's been running for 20 years. I don't think I've ever seen it not work. Not blowing this would be nice. Now the Redskins can't stop the run. Seal it up! caps pen, puts away (Eagles 20, Redskins 13)
Wait, the Bengals are 4-2? What the hell? (Bengals 27, Colts 17)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: I know it was 24-3. I know the line was 14 points, which equals about 32 in college. But how wasn't this worse? The Packers must have called off the dogs at halftime or something because considering the Rams' weaknesses (pass protection, awful secondary, no WRs) this could have easily gotten to 44. (Packers 24, Rams 3)
Apparently postgame handshakes are Serious Business in the Schwartz household. (49ers 25, Lions 19)
Whoa, Brady got intercepted? That doesn't happen. Man, we got defense all over the place here. Wait, what? They called roughing the passer on that? Look, I'm the last person to wax apoplectic about how quarterbacks are treated on the field these days, but we can close the Best Actor: Drama Emmy vote right now, because Tom Brady just locked it up. This is... closer than I was expecting. Awful sack for Romo to take there. The Cowboys really needed a touchdown there and they didn't get it. What the... Two Pats turnovers on consecutive drives? That doesn't happen either. The Cowboys really needed a touchdown there and they didn't get it. Why? Because he's still Tom Brady. And that's how he rolls. Look, I get why Garrett's getting killed for going conservative near the end and allowing Brady to get the ball back, but if he takes the wraps off and Romo throws another game-losing interception, he gets killed for that, too. He can't win. And that's why those two red-zone field goals killed them in the end. (Patriots 20, Cowboys 16)
Afterwards, Jay Cutler was as shocked as everyone else was that teams still kick to Devin Hester. Though I can't imagine they still do it on purpose — Vikings punter Chris Kluwe was on Dan LeBatard's new show and said that in their second meeting last year, he had been trying to kick it out of bounds away from Hester and it worked — except for the one time it didn't. Meanwhile, did we see Donovan McNabb's last pass? The Vikings aren't good, aren't going to do anything this year, and when you make the move to the overdrafted first-round pick (I say that even though I do like Ponder), it's just tough to go back. (Bears 39, Vikings 10)
My God, this game is ponderous. I'd be falling asleep if the pain I'm feeling from watching this wasn't so overwhelming. Plus so many things are blowing my mind. Why is Matt Moore throwing at Darrelle Revis at every given opportunity? Why can't the Jets run the ball anymore? Why are the Dolphins being outscored by the Panthers — the Florida Panthers? And is Matt Leinart watching this game and throwing up in his mouth? ("I don't want to talk about it.") I need answers to these questions but I'm not sure I want them. (Jets 24, Dolphins 6)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (2-4, L1): Three points. That's all I needed from Dustin Keller, Jets. You couldn't even manage that against the worst team in the league?
JackSux 10 (6-0, W6): Another week, another win. This time over Rob.
KeyStar V (4-2, L1): Got caught in quarterback limbo and might be in it again as new acquisition Sam Bradford is hurt and questionable. 20 points from Billy Cundiff (!) kept things close.
DellSux BQBFL (1-5, L5): My quarterbacks are too good. Jason Campbell going down briefly gave me some hope before the Raiders got desperate and paid too much for Carson Palmer (more on that next week).
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (6-0) — It won't always be this easy, will it?
2. New England (5-1) — Textbook narrow escape
3. San Francisco (5-1) — Starting to look legit
4. New Orleans (4-2) — Not a good day when your own coach is the week's second-worst injury
BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-5) — The future may have begun
30. St. Louis (0-5) — Lucky to have survived
31. Indianapolis (0-6) — Hanging tough, if nothing else
32. Miami (0-6) — Seriously, what was that?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Weeks 4-5: Toil and Trouble
WEEK 4
Signal Finder: SF @ PHI, BUF @ CIN (end), DEN @ GB
So already Akers has missed a field goal and Vick's thrown an interception (that wasn't his fault; DeSean should have caught that ball.) I don't blame Andy for challenging that... atrocity Ronnie Brown committed because I don't think he knew what happened. The viewers and the announcers didn't see what happened until they showed the replay. What WAS that? My God. Mariucci: "This is madness." Why is Alex Smith leading this comeback? I mean, Josh Morgan? The Vernon Davis touchdown is excusable because the Eagles haven't stopped a tight end in about eight years. The bomb to Jackson should buy the Eagles some breathing ro— what? Come on, rook. It's 39 yards! You gotta hit that! Then the kid missed another one from 33... not the best showing with the guy you replaced on the other sideline. I have a bad feeling about this. GORE! GORE! GORE! And there it is. Still plenty of time to — what? He lost the ball? Unbelievable. This... yeah. The Falcons are a good team and that game could have gone either way. The Giants were probably due and played a perfect game. But this... this was bad. There's no other way to say it. (49ers 24, Eagles 23)
The worst part is I can't even enjoy the Cowboys' epic collapse. Irony: Bobby Carpenter finally makes a play in Cowboys Stadium. (Lions 34, Cowboys 30)
Of course, Vikings fans are used to bad second halves by now. (Chiefs 22, Vikings 17)
And Broncos fans are quickly getting used to bad first and second halves. Though they did make a nice rally in the second quarter. But you can't play the Packers at this speed because you. Will. Lose. (Packers 49, Broncos 23)
I think about six Ravens fell on that fumble. Huh, the Jets finally found a use for Joe McKnight. Do you like watching quarterbacks get abused in every way possible during a football game? If you do, you probably enjoyed this a little too much. (Ravens 34, Jets 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (1-3, L3): So, yeah. Dez Bryant's two first-half touchdowns got a good view of this loss from my bench. Did I mention I lost by less than four points?
JackSux 10 (4-0, W4): The Ravens' defense — which beat Mark Sanchez to within an inch of his life — was our star this week with 35 points, including three touchdowns.
KeyStar V (3-1, L1): Pretty nondescript loss, but the Andre Johnson injury is going to hurt going forward.
WEEK 5
Signal Finder: PHI @ BUF, TEN @ PIT, NYJ @ NE
Vikings win! Theeeeee... Vikings win! One only wonders what McNabb and Kolb talked about before or after the game. "Not going too well, is it?" "No. No, it's not." (Vikings 34, Cardinals 10)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN. The thing about this Bills team is that its three best offensive players went to Kentucky, Harvard, and someplace called Coe College, and none of them were drafted before the sixth round. The Eagles continue to shoot themselves in the foot. Look out! Brad Smith's in at quarterback! Bang. Okay, mid-third quarter, down 28-7. If they don't get a touchdown here the game is over. That'll help — the right side of the field opened up and Vick bolted down there. There we go. FOX had the Panthers go-ahead touchdown highlight about five minutes after CBS did. How do you get scooped on your own game? Boy, they really could have used that touchdown. How'd we get to the two-minute warning already? And for the second straight week an Eagles receiver fumbles in scoring territory. Wait, how's that an interception? Unless they're saying Avant (who, like Maclin against the Falcons, was having the game of his career until that) never had possession in the first place. This feels disgustingly familiar. He jumped? Who jumps there? facepalm Not only is that totally a Bengals way to lose, but the Bengals actually lost a game in that exact same fashion last year (and this year's Bengals probably wouldn't lose a game like that). (Bills 31, Eagles 24)
As bad as that was, the Giants losing this game is worse. Think about it: The Eagles lost a road game to what looks like a pretty good Bills team in a place that's notoriously tough to win in even when the home team is bad. The Giants were at home against a bad Seahawks team that traveled from the West Coast, quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson and a guy who wasn't good enough to beat out Tarvaris Jackson in a game that started at 1 p.m. Eastern time. That's supposed to be a lock. Did the Seahawks stay in Youngstown, Ohio, like the 49ers did last week? (Seahawks 36, Giants 25)
Finally... Monday Night Football... HAS come BACK... to the Motor... City! This place is LOUD. The Bears can't hear themselves think. They also apparently can't see or feel Jahvid Best, who just ran through them like a knife through air. Go on, Lions. The upset here is that Jay Cutler stayed alive. (Lions 24, Bears 13)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (2-3, W1): Held off The Lucky Pierres to break a three-game losing streak. Also got my first trade offer of the year, which was soundly rejected.
JackSux10 (5-0, W5): This week's King of the Grid: Fred Jackson, whose 196 total yards led to 28.6 points in a win over Russ.
KeyStar V (4-1, W1): Back on track. Would you believe a kicker, Nick Novak, who's been out of the league for five years was my leading scorer? In other news, Orton being benched also means I need a quarterback...
DellSux BQBL (1-4, L4): Seriously, who thought Eli would throw up such a colossal stink bomb against the Seahawks? I really can't stress enough how unlikely an outcome that was. I didn't start him, of course...
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (5-0) — It's almost criminal how well this is working so far
2. New Orleans (4-1) — Feels like Brees will have to carry them this year
3. New England (4-1) — But can they stop teams consistently?
4. San Francisco (4-1) — May have just needed the right coach
BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) — Andrew Luck can't play defense that we know of. He can, however, catch passes
30. St. Louis (0-5) — Speaking of pass-catchers, these guys could use a few of those
31. Indianapolis (0-5) — Did anyone think it would be this bad?
32. Miami (0-5) — It's like that 11-5 season never happened
Signal Finder: SF @ PHI, BUF @ CIN (end), DEN @ GB
So already Akers has missed a field goal and Vick's thrown an interception (that wasn't his fault; DeSean should have caught that ball.) I don't blame Andy for challenging that... atrocity Ronnie Brown committed because I don't think he knew what happened. The viewers and the announcers didn't see what happened until they showed the replay. What WAS that? My God. Mariucci: "This is madness." Why is Alex Smith leading this comeback? I mean, Josh Morgan? The Vernon Davis touchdown is excusable because the Eagles haven't stopped a tight end in about eight years. The bomb to Jackson should buy the Eagles some breathing ro— what? Come on, rook. It's 39 yards! You gotta hit that! Then the kid missed another one from 33... not the best showing with the guy you replaced on the other sideline. I have a bad feeling about this. GORE! GORE! GORE! And there it is. Still plenty of time to — what? He lost the ball? Unbelievable. This... yeah. The Falcons are a good team and that game could have gone either way. The Giants were probably due and played a perfect game. But this... this was bad. There's no other way to say it. (49ers 24, Eagles 23)
The worst part is I can't even enjoy the Cowboys' epic collapse. Irony: Bobby Carpenter finally makes a play in Cowboys Stadium. (Lions 34, Cowboys 30)
Of course, Vikings fans are used to bad second halves by now. (Chiefs 22, Vikings 17)
And Broncos fans are quickly getting used to bad first and second halves. Though they did make a nice rally in the second quarter. But you can't play the Packers at this speed because you. Will. Lose. (Packers 49, Broncos 23)
I think about six Ravens fell on that fumble. Huh, the Jets finally found a use for Joe McKnight. Do you like watching quarterbacks get abused in every way possible during a football game? If you do, you probably enjoyed this a little too much. (Ravens 34, Jets 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (1-3, L3): So, yeah. Dez Bryant's two first-half touchdowns got a good view of this loss from my bench. Did I mention I lost by less than four points?
JackSux 10 (4-0, W4): The Ravens' defense — which beat Mark Sanchez to within an inch of his life — was our star this week with 35 points, including three touchdowns.
KeyStar V (3-1, L1): Pretty nondescript loss, but the Andre Johnson injury is going to hurt going forward.
WEEK 5
Signal Finder: PHI @ BUF, TEN @ PIT, NYJ @ NE
Vikings win! Theeeeee... Vikings win! One only wonders what McNabb and Kolb talked about before or after the game. "Not going too well, is it?" "No. No, it's not." (Vikings 34, Cardinals 10)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN. The thing about this Bills team is that its three best offensive players went to Kentucky, Harvard, and someplace called Coe College, and none of them were drafted before the sixth round. The Eagles continue to shoot themselves in the foot. Look out! Brad Smith's in at quarterback! Bang. Okay, mid-third quarter, down 28-7. If they don't get a touchdown here the game is over. That'll help — the right side of the field opened up and Vick bolted down there. There we go. FOX had the Panthers go-ahead touchdown highlight about five minutes after CBS did. How do you get scooped on your own game? Boy, they really could have used that touchdown. How'd we get to the two-minute warning already? And for the second straight week an Eagles receiver fumbles in scoring territory. Wait, how's that an interception? Unless they're saying Avant (who, like Maclin against the Falcons, was having the game of his career until that) never had possession in the first place. This feels disgustingly familiar. He jumped? Who jumps there? facepalm Not only is that totally a Bengals way to lose, but the Bengals actually lost a game in that exact same fashion last year (and this year's Bengals probably wouldn't lose a game like that). (Bills 31, Eagles 24)
As bad as that was, the Giants losing this game is worse. Think about it: The Eagles lost a road game to what looks like a pretty good Bills team in a place that's notoriously tough to win in even when the home team is bad. The Giants were at home against a bad Seahawks team that traveled from the West Coast, quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson and a guy who wasn't good enough to beat out Tarvaris Jackson in a game that started at 1 p.m. Eastern time. That's supposed to be a lock. Did the Seahawks stay in Youngstown, Ohio, like the 49ers did last week? (Seahawks 36, Giants 25)
Finally... Monday Night Football... HAS come BACK... to the Motor... City! This place is LOUD. The Bears can't hear themselves think. They also apparently can't see or feel Jahvid Best, who just ran through them like a knife through air. Go on, Lions. The upset here is that Jay Cutler stayed alive. (Lions 24, Bears 13)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (2-3, W1): Held off The Lucky Pierres to break a three-game losing streak. Also got my first trade offer of the year, which was soundly rejected.
JackSux10 (5-0, W5): This week's King of the Grid: Fred Jackson, whose 196 total yards led to 28.6 points in a win over Russ.
KeyStar V (4-1, W1): Back on track. Would you believe a kicker, Nick Novak, who's been out of the league for five years was my leading scorer? In other news, Orton being benched also means I need a quarterback...
DellSux BQBL (1-4, L4): Seriously, who thought Eli would throw up such a colossal stink bomb against the Seahawks? I really can't stress enough how unlikely an outcome that was. I didn't start him, of course...
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (5-0) — It's almost criminal how well this is working so far
2. New Orleans (4-1) — Feels like Brees will have to carry them this year
3. New England (4-1) — But can they stop teams consistently?
4. San Francisco (4-1) — May have just needed the right coach
BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) — Andrew Luck can't play defense that we know of. He can, however, catch passes
30. St. Louis (0-5) — Speaking of pass-catchers, these guys could use a few of those
31. Indianapolis (0-5) — Did anyone think it would be this bad?
32. Miami (0-5) — It's like that 11-5 season never happened
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)