(Apologies for how late this is; all the overtime I've been working this month finally caught up to me.)
Signal Finder: PHI @ TEN, PIT @ MIA, BUF @ BAL (end regulation), NE @ SD
Here's the thing: Once the official signals touchdown, the play's over. And the only way the Dolphins would have gotten the ball is if the officials had made the correct call the first time — even if they'd said Ben was down by contact at the 1 or whatever, if you review that, you end up with the same result. I don't know. It's tough. Of course, the Dolphins make it a moot point by running one of the saddest two-minute drills I've ever seen. Mike Tomlin: "We will take it and exit stage left." (Steelers 23, Dolphins 22)
DeAngelo Hall:Jay Cutler::Ronde Barber:Donovan McNabb::Ty Law:Peyton Manning. Discuss. (Redskins 17, Bears 14)
Kerry Collins? This ought to be... interesting. Fumble! Interception? Well that was pointless. Anybody else dizzy after the modified flea-flicker to Cooper (who could have a future as a poor man's Ed McCaffrey)? Oh no. Good job by Anonymous Titans Lineman No. 2 to blow that play up three yards behind the line — that handoff had no chance. And it turns into a six-point swing and possibly more. Nice return by the rookie Jorrick Calvin (who'll be filling in for DeSean Jackson in the return game.) Figuring out how to stop Kenny Britt would help, y'know? And there he is loose in the secondary again. And again. And AGAIN. I'd suggest modifying the coverage but it may be too late at this point. I would like to point out that the game was actually much closer than the final score. The Eagles' game plan defensively was to make somebody not named Chris Johnson beat them... and that's exactly what happened. (Titans 37, Eagles 19)
Fun fact: The Browns have beaten the reigning Super Bowl champion in each of the last three seasons. (Browns 30, Saints 17)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Ravens 37, Bills 34, OT
Are you kidding me with that kickoff? Did that even cross midfield? OK, let's... let's decipher this one. Guy makes the catch, goes down, gets up, starts clapping, and a Patriot picks up the loose ball because he was never ruled down?! The Chargers are becoming the AFC's Cowboys. Seriously, guys, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Chargers have made some absolutely fatal mistakes in the first half and are miraculously only down by 10. I'm not sure what that means. The days of the 30-40-yard pass play in New England appear to be over. If the Chargers can work their way to a touchdown here, they're still in this game. And there it is. More so than ever, this offense needs Gates to be its rock. Onside kick! Is this happening? I don't recognize these people. Ajiri-what? If the Patriots manage to blow this... Going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? Calling a terrible play while going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? (Seriously, a handoff three yards deep in your backfield on 4th and 2 when you can't run the ball is Not Smart.) A false start? Way to make the kicker's job even harder. CLANG! Ladies and gentlemen, Kris Brown, the least clutch kicker EVER. (Patriots 23, Chargers 20)
You know how I said earlier that the Eagles-Titans game was closer than the score indicated? This one was the exact opposite. The Raiders shouldn't be doing that to anyone. And how does Tom Cable not run the score up here? Is he not the complete jackass I thought he was? (Raiders 59, Broncos 14)
Um, why isn't Childress challenging this one? Anybody? Bernard Berrian lives! I don't think he got in. You see that, Childress? That's what you do when a crucial call on the field looks questionable. That's close. OK, they've probably just delayed the inevitable but whatever. What, again? Ohhhh, I don't know about that one. That's a lot like the Calvin Johnson play in Week 1 that the Lions didn't get and that's why this one got overturned also. The league needs to clarify that or something. It's like both defenses showed up at the start of the game, left, came back just before halftime and have now left again. GUNSLINGER. Seriously, who was that to? We've seen a couple of really bad kickoffs today. Favre can barely walk out there right now. He might have to come out. I love how there are three Packers in the vicinity and no one even thought to put a body on Moss. And the defenses are back in the building. TOUCHDO- hang on, no. That's not a touchdown. They're reviewing this, right? Oh, good. Yeah, Harvin's second foot is clearly out of bounds. (Packers 28, Vikings 24)
Let's see if this Cowboys team has anything resembling a backbone. That's an encouraging start and a rare forced turnover. The Giants are struggling at the outset. Did Coughlin really burn both his challenges in the first quarter? Dez! When the ball's inside the 10 you're supposed to signal fair catch and run away from — oh, snap. Interesting that Brandon Jacobs seems to have settled down and accepted his new role as the complementary guy. I turn away and five minutes later it's 21-20 Giants and Romo's down on the turf looking like a chalk outline. The linebacker came in untouched! That's just not right. Thirty-one unanswered! I'd say we're essentially witnessing a live execution but the victims have clearly left the building. They're not even trying anymore. Eli's numbers will look really good but his receivers let him down a few times — at least two of the picks he threw went right through his guys' hands. Hmmm. Fourth and goal from the 6, down 18, 8:30 left, and the worst kicker in the league is on your roster, making this far from a lock. Do you go for it? Apparently. What the... now we've had three turnovers in the span of six plays. This is getting ugly. Didn't this exact same thing happen in San Diego yesterday? That field goal should seal it. Or not, as Felix Jones just outran almost every Giant defender on the field. Seriously, this can't happen. Phew. I mean, the Cowboys just didn't deserve to win after quitting for most of the second half. (Giants 41, Cowboys 35)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-5, L1): The Ryan Mathews situation is crippling me. As is the fact that the rest of my team also sucks.
JackSux 7 (2-5, L1): And it happens AGAIN. Rob's brother got his second-best point total of the season against me.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — It doesn't get any easier
2. Pittsburgh (5-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (5-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (5-2) — Ed Reed's return is a big lift
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (1-5) - Well, it's something
30. Dallas (1-5) - Truly a rudderless ship
31. San Francisco (1-5) - It's rare to find two No. 1 overall quarterback busts on the same roster
32. Buffalo (0-6) - Showing a pulse?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Land Crashing
Signal Finder: ATL @ PHI, DAL @ MIN, NYJ @ DEN
I have no idea what to expect any more. That's a good start. What we're seeing here also is the Falcons' pass defense still not being quite up to par. I mean, how do you let DeSean Jackson get that open? cringes Well that'll put a stop to that. Like I've said before, you know it's serious when even the slow-motion replay looks like it hurts. It's almost a miracle that neither guy needed to be carted off. Did Maclin's knee hit? Yep. OK. Now we've got two drive-killing tipped passes for interceptions at both ends of the field. Moore's navigating this runback like a punt return. Siragusa: "I dunno; I don't think you can call a horse-collar on a quarterback." Also, finding out that Moose married a woman from Philly is kind of like John Elway's current wife being a former Raiders cheerleader... it's just not right. The other problem is that the Eagles were about to bury the Falcons and now they're on the board. You know whose name I haven't heard much today is Michael Turner. Four missed field goals at the same end? When did this game get moved to Heinz Field? The deep pass to Maclin off the fake end around was pretty sweet. Kolb was sharp today and has given Andy another problem to deal with, and I'm struggling to remember the last quarterback situation to be thrown into utter chaos in this specific manner. (Eagles 31, Falcons 17)
I remain surprised that the Seahawks managed to get more than a couple of tackling sleds for Deion Branch for all the good he did them. Just keep throwing, Ravens — that's how you beat these guys. Looking at it again, Brandon Meriwether's lucky he didn't get thrown out of the game for that. Leaving your feet and driving your helmet into the receiver's after the ball's past you? That's B.S. Part of why Branch has seven catches already is that he doesn't command the double- and triple-teams that Moss did. How did Danny Woodhead end up as the Pats' leading rusher in this game? If Branch doesn't pick up that first down this game might end in a tie. Well that took long enough. I was kind of hoping for a tie here just to see the playoff scenario calculator explode two months from now. (Patriots 23, Ravens 20, OT)
The larger development here is that Colt McCoy got out alive. Didn't Mike Holmgren say he wasn't going to play this year? (Steelers 28, Browns 10)
Man, Sanchez's interceptionless streak was living on borrowed time anyway (and the Broncos dropped two on the first two drives before that one). I see being traded still hasn't given Laurence Maroney the ability to run downhill. Tim Tebow lives! Somewhere, Urban Meyer is sighing wistfully. I feel like the Broncos' running game is suffering for the same reason the Cowboys have trouble — they use too many guys and don't use them effectively and in the right situations, and in Denver's case, they all do similar things. When it rains, it pours. So Prater hits from 59 but misses from 49? Whatever. How is Orton having this season with Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney as his starting wide receivers? That... was a penalty. SCORE. What was that? Where was that snap on the field goal in the first quarter? (Jets 24, Broncos 20)
Clearly, Mike Singletary needs to threaten to bench Alex Smith during the third quarter every week. (49ers 17, Raiders 6)
I may put the loser here in "Act of God" territory. Favre's getting pounded already. So who's that fumble on — Peterson or Favre? Greg Camarillo? Really? OK, if you say so. OMG. You idiots got flagged for the same thing LAST WEEK! Then Austin gets a touchdown taken away from him for pushing down a defender he already had beaten. (About five minutes in real time later, someone in the Jets-Broncos game also got called for offensive pass interference. Clearly the avenues of communication got cut off, as that penalty is called once and only once a week.) I know I criticized the Cowboys for throwing too much last week, but why wouldn't you this week with the Vikings down two corners? That's not usually as easy as Harvin made that look. That this game is tied at this point seems... appropriate, somehow. What E.J. Henderson did to Romo is reminding me of a Seahawks-Eagles game a few years back when Lofa Tatupu picked off A.J. Feeley like 16 times or something. And there's the go-ahead field goal. If I were a Vikings fan, I'd be thanking God every night I hit my knees that they play in the NFC. (Vikings 24, Cowboys 21)
What the... did the Raiders kidnap the Colts, steal their jerseys, and fly to Washington? I'm no longer sure who has worse hands: the Redskins' receivers or their defensive backs. Fun fact: This is the closest Donovan McNabb has ever come to beating Peyton Manning. (Colts 27, Redskins 24)
You know, the Titans are pretty good. (Titans 30, Jaguars 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-4, W1): Or, the NFC, as Max points out that seven teams are 4-2.
JackSux 7 (2-4, W1): Finally, a complete team effort.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — Resourceful — and a little lucky — to the end
2. Pittsburgh (4-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (4-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (4-2) — That didn't end so well
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (1-4) - C'MON, MAN!
30. Cleveland (1-5) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
31. Carolina (0-5) - I hope John Fox has a moving van reserved
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Still managed to lose by nine
I have no idea what to expect any more. That's a good start. What we're seeing here also is the Falcons' pass defense still not being quite up to par. I mean, how do you let DeSean Jackson get that open? cringes Well that'll put a stop to that. Like I've said before, you know it's serious when even the slow-motion replay looks like it hurts. It's almost a miracle that neither guy needed to be carted off. Did Maclin's knee hit? Yep. OK. Now we've got two drive-killing tipped passes for interceptions at both ends of the field. Moore's navigating this runback like a punt return. Siragusa: "I dunno; I don't think you can call a horse-collar on a quarterback." Also, finding out that Moose married a woman from Philly is kind of like John Elway's current wife being a former Raiders cheerleader... it's just not right. The other problem is that the Eagles were about to bury the Falcons and now they're on the board. You know whose name I haven't heard much today is Michael Turner. Four missed field goals at the same end? When did this game get moved to Heinz Field? The deep pass to Maclin off the fake end around was pretty sweet. Kolb was sharp today and has given Andy another problem to deal with, and I'm struggling to remember the last quarterback situation to be thrown into utter chaos in this specific manner. (Eagles 31, Falcons 17)
I remain surprised that the Seahawks managed to get more than a couple of tackling sleds for Deion Branch for all the good he did them. Just keep throwing, Ravens — that's how you beat these guys. Looking at it again, Brandon Meriwether's lucky he didn't get thrown out of the game for that. Leaving your feet and driving your helmet into the receiver's after the ball's past you? That's B.S. Part of why Branch has seven catches already is that he doesn't command the double- and triple-teams that Moss did. How did Danny Woodhead end up as the Pats' leading rusher in this game? If Branch doesn't pick up that first down this game might end in a tie. Well that took long enough. I was kind of hoping for a tie here just to see the playoff scenario calculator explode two months from now. (Patriots 23, Ravens 20, OT)
The larger development here is that Colt McCoy got out alive. Didn't Mike Holmgren say he wasn't going to play this year? (Steelers 28, Browns 10)
Man, Sanchez's interceptionless streak was living on borrowed time anyway (and the Broncos dropped two on the first two drives before that one). I see being traded still hasn't given Laurence Maroney the ability to run downhill. Tim Tebow lives! Somewhere, Urban Meyer is sighing wistfully. I feel like the Broncos' running game is suffering for the same reason the Cowboys have trouble — they use too many guys and don't use them effectively and in the right situations, and in Denver's case, they all do similar things. When it rains, it pours. So Prater hits from 59 but misses from 49? Whatever. How is Orton having this season with Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney as his starting wide receivers? That... was a penalty. SCORE. What was that? Where was that snap on the field goal in the first quarter? (Jets 24, Broncos 20)
Clearly, Mike Singletary needs to threaten to bench Alex Smith during the third quarter every week. (49ers 17, Raiders 6)
I may put the loser here in "Act of God" territory. Favre's getting pounded already. So who's that fumble on — Peterson or Favre? Greg Camarillo? Really? OK, if you say so. OMG. You idiots got flagged for the same thing LAST WEEK! Then Austin gets a touchdown taken away from him for pushing down a defender he already had beaten. (About five minutes in real time later, someone in the Jets-Broncos game also got called for offensive pass interference. Clearly the avenues of communication got cut off, as that penalty is called once and only once a week.) I know I criticized the Cowboys for throwing too much last week, but why wouldn't you this week with the Vikings down two corners? That's not usually as easy as Harvin made that look. That this game is tied at this point seems... appropriate, somehow. What E.J. Henderson did to Romo is reminding me of a Seahawks-Eagles game a few years back when Lofa Tatupu picked off A.J. Feeley like 16 times or something. And there's the go-ahead field goal. If I were a Vikings fan, I'd be thanking God every night I hit my knees that they play in the NFC. (Vikings 24, Cowboys 21)
What the... did the Raiders kidnap the Colts, steal their jerseys, and fly to Washington? I'm no longer sure who has worse hands: the Redskins' receivers or their defensive backs. Fun fact: This is the closest Donovan McNabb has ever come to beating Peyton Manning. (Colts 27, Redskins 24)
You know, the Titans are pretty good. (Titans 30, Jaguars 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-4, W1): Or, the NFC, as Max points out that seven teams are 4-2.
JackSux 7 (2-4, W1): Finally, a complete team effort.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — Resourceful — and a little lucky — to the end
2. Pittsburgh (4-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (4-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (4-2) — That didn't end so well
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (1-4) - C'MON, MAN!
30. Cleveland (1-5) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
31. Carolina (0-5) - I hope John Fox has a moving van reserved
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Still managed to lose by nine
Friday, October 15, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: The Artistry of Escape
Signal Finder: DEN @ BAL, WSH @ GB, TEN @ DAL
That's such a Bengals way to lose. What's happened to Carson Palmer? My God. (Buccaneers 24, Bengals 21)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Bears 23, Panthers 6
Well, there's an inauspicious beginning. What happened to Portis? Hey Packers, why didn't you kick the field goal? You go 85 yards down the field, you should really score. Just sayin'. And now the Packers are running out of bodies — I'm not sure they even have a tight end left. This Armstrong kid has basically become the Redskins' version of what Nate Washington was when he was with the Steelers; a guy you send down the field and throw a bomb to once a game that always hits. CLANG! Man, Crosby's fallen pretty far since his rookie year. And now if you're the Redskins, you're close enough that you can throw one up there and hope to get lucky with a flag or something. Or, you know, that can happen. Tackling him would be something to consider. Are you kidding me? Oh, OK. If Williams had brought that all the way back that might have been the most crushing defeat... well, ever, considering the circumstances. You know who's finally good is LaRon Landry. Good win for the Redskins, especially when you consider the fact that they've lost this exact game about 26 times in the last seven years. (Redskins 16, Packers 13, OT)
How many times did the Cowboys get called for pass interference on that first drive? Three? ESPN's Tim MacMahon: "Well, the Cowboys trail by 10 with 5:22 remaining in the first quarter. Time for Jason Garrett to abandon the run." Nice escape by Chris Johnson. Wow, it looks like that pass was actually intended for Bo Scaife but Kenny Britt caught it. Not only is Miles Austin the real deal after all, but something's lit a fire under Roy Williams also, as he's actually not terrible this year. Even scarier is that the Cowboys seem to have finally figured out that Felix Jones is their best back. On the flip side, David Buehler's making Cowboys fans miss Nick Folk. Mike Jenkins' play at cornerback today is reminding me of the salad days of Kevin Smith. He's been terrible. I've never heard of any of the Titans' defensive linemen but they're just wrecking the Cowboys — all three of Romo's picks came on balls tipped at the line, and the offensive line's been getting shredded all day today. This one might be over after that last one. Or not, as they've found Jason Witten in the end zone. I mean... whatever you think of the NFL's crackdown on celebrations, a rule's a rule. You know you're not supposed to go to the ground. You know that. This is why I don't believe in the Cowboys and wouldn't even if I didn't hate them with the passion of a thousand suns. You saw that graphic that said they're the second-most penalized team in the league behind the Raiders since 2006, right? The yardage they've lost today basically canceled out Miles Austin. Touchdown Titans! No, Phil Simms, the Titans didn't win because they made more big plays. The Titans won because they're not terminally stupid. (Titans 34, Cowboys 27)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brett Favre (and that was even before this happened); 2. The Chargers' special teams coordinator; 3. The guy on the Chargers who tried to scoop up the Rivers fumble that led to the Raiders' game-sealing touchdown; 4. Mike Jenkins; 5. Carson Palmer.
Toss-Up! Who will be more gainfully employed in two years: Ken Whisenhunt or Matt Leinart? Which quarterback's near-decapitation was more painful to watch: Max Hall's or Pat White's? Which throw was worse: Drew Brees' last one or Orlando Cabrera's first one? (Cardinals 30, Saints 20; Phillies 4, Reds 0)
Okay, kick coverage is starting to become an issue. Kolb looks much more comfortable than last week, which illustrates just how different the offensive game plan is with him versus with Vick (and also that two quarterbacks with such vastly different styles probably can't function long term as starter and backup, in whichever order you want to put them in.) They seem to be calling more of the short stuff that Kolb was checking down to last week, which helps. Hey, a Brian Westbrook sighting! You know who's good is LeSean McCoy. When did Trevor Laws stop sucking? Singletary is INSANE WITH ANGER. The fans chanting "We want Carr" are just insane. You want to replace one No. 1 overall bust for another one? You really want to do that? I think Smith just told Carr to go back to the sideline. Did I see that? Uh-oh. Didn't this happen against the Lions? Don't do anything stupid here, Kevin. Interception! This did happen against the Lions. Let's get out of here without making any sudden movements. (Eagles 27, 49ers 24)
LIGHTNING! All right, we'll wait. Here's a fun fact: Not only is Randy Moss the second player to play on back-to-back Monday Night Football games for two different teams (the immortal Keith Browner is the other), but barring injury, he's in line to be the only player who will play in 17 regular-season games this year. Is it wise to send a gimpy Brett Favre out on a trick play with Moss throwing it? (Also, that only works against the Giants.) Seriously, between that and how little Peterson's being used, it's almost like the Vikings flew Jason Garrett in to call their plays. Jets are scuffling on offense (Braylon has the drops again) but the Vikings look worse. Favre keeps grabbing his arm. He looks like a 41-year-old man playing quarterback in the NFL, and there haven't been many of those. See, that's how that's supposed to work. No need for tricky role reversals. LDT and Greene have been having their way with the Vikings' run defense. It's kind of sick. Revis looks hobbled tonight and the Jets have not been able to find Harvin to stop him. Um, Rex, why are you even calling a pass play there? You're lucky you got to two minutes. The irony is that Harvin might have had a shot at that one had he not altered his route by knocking Revis to the ground. Gee, that's never happened before. Though it was more "nice play by Lowery" than "bad throw by Favre." But still. (Jets 29, Vikings 20)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-4, L1): Well, at least we didn't set a new all-time lowest score.
JackSux 7 (1-4, L2): I seem to be catching everybody on their best week, as I've had 40 more points scored against me than the next team.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (4-1) — Can Tomlinson keep this up?
2. Baltimore (4-1) — Offense starting to gel
3. Pittsburgh (3-1) — Welcome back(?), Ben
4. Atlanta (4-1) — Just doing what needs to be done
BOTTOM 4:
29. Cleveland (1-4) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
30. San Francisco (0-5) - The best 0-5 team ever?
31. Carolina (0-5) - Honestly, it's probably time to trade Steve Smith
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Jaguars-Bills: NO BUYS!
That's such a Bengals way to lose. What's happened to Carson Palmer? My God. (Buccaneers 24, Bengals 21)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Bears 23, Panthers 6
Well, there's an inauspicious beginning. What happened to Portis? Hey Packers, why didn't you kick the field goal? You go 85 yards down the field, you should really score. Just sayin'. And now the Packers are running out of bodies — I'm not sure they even have a tight end left. This Armstrong kid has basically become the Redskins' version of what Nate Washington was when he was with the Steelers; a guy you send down the field and throw a bomb to once a game that always hits. CLANG! Man, Crosby's fallen pretty far since his rookie year. And now if you're the Redskins, you're close enough that you can throw one up there and hope to get lucky with a flag or something. Or, you know, that can happen. Tackling him would be something to consider. Are you kidding me? Oh, OK. If Williams had brought that all the way back that might have been the most crushing defeat... well, ever, considering the circumstances. You know who's finally good is LaRon Landry. Good win for the Redskins, especially when you consider the fact that they've lost this exact game about 26 times in the last seven years. (Redskins 16, Packers 13, OT)
How many times did the Cowboys get called for pass interference on that first drive? Three? ESPN's Tim MacMahon: "Well, the Cowboys trail by 10 with 5:22 remaining in the first quarter. Time for Jason Garrett to abandon the run." Nice escape by Chris Johnson. Wow, it looks like that pass was actually intended for Bo Scaife but Kenny Britt caught it. Not only is Miles Austin the real deal after all, but something's lit a fire under Roy Williams also, as he's actually not terrible this year. Even scarier is that the Cowboys seem to have finally figured out that Felix Jones is their best back. On the flip side, David Buehler's making Cowboys fans miss Nick Folk. Mike Jenkins' play at cornerback today is reminding me of the salad days of Kevin Smith. He's been terrible. I've never heard of any of the Titans' defensive linemen but they're just wrecking the Cowboys — all three of Romo's picks came on balls tipped at the line, and the offensive line's been getting shredded all day today. This one might be over after that last one. Or not, as they've found Jason Witten in the end zone. I mean... whatever you think of the NFL's crackdown on celebrations, a rule's a rule. You know you're not supposed to go to the ground. You know that. This is why I don't believe in the Cowboys and wouldn't even if I didn't hate them with the passion of a thousand suns. You saw that graphic that said they're the second-most penalized team in the league behind the Raiders since 2006, right? The yardage they've lost today basically canceled out Miles Austin. Touchdown Titans! No, Phil Simms, the Titans didn't win because they made more big plays. The Titans won because they're not terminally stupid. (Titans 34, Cowboys 27)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brett Favre (and that was even before this happened); 2. The Chargers' special teams coordinator; 3. The guy on the Chargers who tried to scoop up the Rivers fumble that led to the Raiders' game-sealing touchdown; 4. Mike Jenkins; 5. Carson Palmer.
Toss-Up! Who will be more gainfully employed in two years: Ken Whisenhunt or Matt Leinart? Which quarterback's near-decapitation was more painful to watch: Max Hall's or Pat White's? Which throw was worse: Drew Brees' last one or Orlando Cabrera's first one? (Cardinals 30, Saints 20; Phillies 4, Reds 0)
Okay, kick coverage is starting to become an issue. Kolb looks much more comfortable than last week, which illustrates just how different the offensive game plan is with him versus with Vick (and also that two quarterbacks with such vastly different styles probably can't function long term as starter and backup, in whichever order you want to put them in.) They seem to be calling more of the short stuff that Kolb was checking down to last week, which helps. Hey, a Brian Westbrook sighting! You know who's good is LeSean McCoy. When did Trevor Laws stop sucking? Singletary is INSANE WITH ANGER. The fans chanting "We want Carr" are just insane. You want to replace one No. 1 overall bust for another one? You really want to do that? I think Smith just told Carr to go back to the sideline. Did I see that? Uh-oh. Didn't this happen against the Lions? Don't do anything stupid here, Kevin. Interception! This did happen against the Lions. Let's get out of here without making any sudden movements. (Eagles 27, 49ers 24)
LIGHTNING! All right, we'll wait. Here's a fun fact: Not only is Randy Moss the second player to play on back-to-back Monday Night Football games for two different teams (the immortal Keith Browner is the other), but barring injury, he's in line to be the only player who will play in 17 regular-season games this year. Is it wise to send a gimpy Brett Favre out on a trick play with Moss throwing it? (Also, that only works against the Giants.) Seriously, between that and how little Peterson's being used, it's almost like the Vikings flew Jason Garrett in to call their plays. Jets are scuffling on offense (Braylon has the drops again) but the Vikings look worse. Favre keeps grabbing his arm. He looks like a 41-year-old man playing quarterback in the NFL, and there haven't been many of those. See, that's how that's supposed to work. No need for tricky role reversals. LDT and Greene have been having their way with the Vikings' run defense. It's kind of sick. Revis looks hobbled tonight and the Jets have not been able to find Harvin to stop him. Um, Rex, why are you even calling a pass play there? You're lucky you got to two minutes. The irony is that Harvin might have had a shot at that one had he not altered his route by knocking Revis to the ground. Gee, that's never happened before. Though it was more "nice play by Lowery" than "bad throw by Favre." But still. (Jets 29, Vikings 20)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-4, L1): Well, at least we didn't set a new all-time lowest score.
JackSux 7 (1-4, L2): I seem to be catching everybody on their best week, as I've had 40 more points scored against me than the next team.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (4-1) — Can Tomlinson keep this up?
2. Baltimore (4-1) — Offense starting to gel
3. Pittsburgh (3-1) — Welcome back(?), Ben
4. Atlanta (4-1) — Just doing what needs to be done
BOTTOM 4:
29. Cleveland (1-4) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
30. San Francisco (0-5) - The best 0-5 team ever?
31. Carolina (0-5) - Honestly, it's probably time to trade Steve Smith
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Jaguars-Bills: NO BUYS!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Home Invaders
Signal Finder: PIT @ BAL, CAR @ NO, DEN @ TEN (end), WSH @ PHI
First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)
This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..." ACTING! Mason got all kinds of crossed up on the Taylor interception. Reed missed again?? If I hadn't just seen Garrett Hartley on the Saints' sideline just now, I'd think the Ravens pulled off a double kidnapping. Fabian Washington bailing out on an interception because Haloti Ngata was barreling toward him was pretty funny. That's the second third down Pittsburgh's converted on this drive. He's getting in. Yep. This is a very important drive for Flacco here. He's really working that left side for some reason, and that reason is that that side's where the completions are. Go for it on fourth down? Sure. Wow, that had zero chance of working. Let's see if the Ravens can get a stop this time. Oh, that's a huge penalty. I stand corrected... this is a very important drive for Flacco here. It's also a fair bit easier than the last one. There's no need to force anything with the short distance they have to go. TOUCHDOWN! I still don't get why they brought T.J. in but they're sure glad they did. Man, that Ray Lewis is everywhere. (Ravens 17, Steelers 14)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed
Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)
Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)
Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)
CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)
Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.
JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.
And now it's time for...
RANKINGS!
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old
----------------
Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes
First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)
This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..."
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed
Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)
Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)
Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)
CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)
Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.
JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.
And now it's time for...
RANKINGS!
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old
----------------
Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes
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