What do you MEAN, all the ads disappeared from the section? Are you kidding me? The Declaration of Independence? What?
"Crazy Train"? Interesting. It's now 6:19 and they're not even close to starting this game. Jordin's father's an ex-Giant but you knew that (unless you didn't). Oh, there you go. What's with that fanfare intro? I was afraid it'd throw her off. Buck: "Kickoff less than one minute away." After these commercials, of course. And for the purposes of tracking commercials, when does the game actually begin? Is it anything after kickoff? I need answers.
The Pats are failing miserably at third-down stops so far. Maroney returning kickoffs? Whoa. I wonder how Moss is gonna do tonight. That's pretty blatant to just hit the guy in the face like that. How is the first quarter over already? Yeah, this was inevitable, I guess.
He kicked off out of bounds? How does that still happen? Seriously. Look at all the time Eli has here. Nice catch. Really? Delay of game? OOPS. And that's what I was talking about - you can't make mistakes like that against this team and expect to win. I liked that Bud spot with the rejected Clydesdale in training and the Rocky music. Gotta haul that in, Steve. I wouldn't have run outside there. But that's me.
Wow. How'd the Patriots not recover that one? Is this Rihanna in this Life Water spot? I think it is but I'm not sure. (I'm told now it was Naomi Campbell.) That was kind of crazy. Why didn't Bradshaw just try to fall on it? You can't afford to risk giving up the ball again. We're at the two-minute warning? Really? The Timberlake spot's been the worst so far (but not through any fault of his own).
Both teams have looked pretty ordinary so far. And as far as the Patriots go, we were saying this during the Colts game and the Eagles game and the Ravens game and you see where I'm going with that.
THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD! Yay for "I Won't Back Down." I'm not sure a slow jam like "Free Fallin'" belongs in a halftime show. This entire experience has been meh.
What's all this? I feel like I should have known you can challenge for 12 men on the field. Seems petty, though. Sick move by Faulk to fake out Johnson. Fourth and 13? Really, Bill? I'm against this, and I think Belichick kicks it if Vinatieri's still there.
Clutch grab by Welker. Hey, there's Peyton. Who had Kevin Boss and David Tyree as the big-play guys? Oh, that's right: NO ONE. I think Maroney has more yards on kickoff returns than he does rushing. (He did. 94-36.)
The pressure Brady's been under has been intense. He hasn't had time to throw deep. Of course, I say that, and things start clicking finally for the Pats. This is what they do, folks. What I'm particularly noticing about Welker is his awareness - he always seems to know where he needs to be. And now the Giants are starting to lose guys. DING. Welcome back, Randy. Speaking of Mr. Moss, his transformation into a total company man has almost been underreported.
All right, Eli. Let's see what you got. Ben's American Idol spot started off so well. Aikman: "They're gonna go for it here, and this is the right decsion." Ya THINK SO, DOCTOR? Jacobs has this. And if he doesn't, one of the Patriots jumped anyway. What's up with the clock? Holy crap! Who does Eli think he is, Vince Young? How did he get out of there, first of all, and how did Tyree not drop that on the way down? Wow. Also, Harrison should've drilled Tyree in the back instead of trying for the interception and allowing himself to get posted up. Somebody forgot about Smith. NO! Hobbs got absolutely torched. Steelers fans everywhere are throwing things right now. THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD. Somewhere Brett Favre and Tony Romo are screaming, "That should have been me!" How the hell did this happen?
No, seriously. How?
The Polo Grounds? I don't know about that. Eli's the MVP? I think you gotta give it to either Strahan or Osi, right? Or even Tuck? Those guys absolutely threw down on the Patriots' offensive line. (Oh. That's how it happened.) Speaking of Strahan, I wonder if he's gonna retire. He almost did this year.
FINAL RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1 (tie). New England/N.Y. Giants - Here's the problem. The Patriots shouldn't be No. 1 because they lost the Super Bowl to an inferior team. The Giants shouldn't be No. 1 because they aren't a better team than the Patriots. Am I copping out? Probably. Got any better ideas?
3. Green Bay - I predict one more year
BOTTOM 3:
30. Kansas City (4-12) - Blow it up!
31. Atlanta (4-12) - Good luck, Mr. Smith
32. Miami (1-15) - Insert variation of "dolphin-safe tuna" here
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