By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 10: Crimes and Misdemeanors

Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, DAL @ NYG, CIN @ BAL

Everybody's back for the Rams ... well, as many of 'everybody' as they're realistically going to get. Yay for attacking the opponent's weakness on defense. What took you so long? (Rams 37, Saints 29)

James Thrash? Really? I don't know what Gibbs is doing here. It's 3 o'clock and we're already getting the Vikings/Packers audience? Jeez. L.J. Smith lives! Baldinger's pretty much right about the two-point conversion chart. How about a stop? Something? No? Keenan McCardell lives! I'm concerned - the Skins' wide receivers have caught no touchdowns this year before today and now they're Jerry Rice. The Eagles see a big hole in the middle of the field with Taylor out. That's going to the well one too many times. REGGIE BROWN LIVES! Sick catch there. Again, how about a stop? Or not shooting yourself in the foot, at least? Why run the ball, Gibbs? I'm starting to wonder if maybe he doesn't have it anymore. That was a hell of a hold and reminiscent of both Redskins games last year where they weren't able to finish off drives. Oh, man, Westbrook's got this. GOGOGOGOGO. That's good blocking. Thrash is still on the sideline? Isn't this important? Get him into the locker room for attention! Pick it up! I'm sad that none of you got to see Westbrook's postgame ensemble. He looked like he just got back from ambushing Sonny at the toll booth. Which, in a way, he did. (Eagles 33, Redskins 25)

3-2? I was wondering why the Fox ticker was showing hockey scores for a second. It'd be fitting if that was the final, wasn't it? And it's kind of unfortunate that it's not. (Bills 13, Dolphins 10)

NO! NOT THE RED JERSEYS! And apparently those things have put the Cowboys on tilt, since they're playing dumb like last year's Giants did. This is Shockey's best game ever. Seriously, the Cowboys are killing themselves here. Taunting? At that point? Just stupid. That's a hold? How is that a hold? That's gonna cost the Giants in the end. See? How about covering T.O.? Oh, that's right, you only have one decent defensive back. You've let a nation down, Big Blue. (Cowboys 31, Giants 20)

The Bengals score zero touchdowns and still win by 14? Yeah, whatever, Billick. Troy Smith better hurry up and get ready. (Bengals 21, Ravens 7)

"Hello, 911? I'd like to report a kidnapping. Yes. The victim's name? Peyton Manning. P-E-Y..." Seriously, besides the fact that Harrison, Clark and Gonzalez are out, what's going on here? You forget how obscenely quick Darren Sproles is. Nice recall by Madden to bring up the Antonio Freeman game on Session's end-zone pickup. If the whistle's inadvertent, shouldn't the play keep going? I'm just asking. That's a break for the Chargers if anything. "Alacrity", Al? You're aware this is a football game, right? You don't think the Colts can pull this off? The Chargers' offense has done nothing all night. I didn't think Addai got it the first time. What the hell is this? What the hell was THAT?! "Hello, 911? I'd like to report a kidnapping. Yes, another one. Adam Vinatieri. V-I-N-A-T-I-E-R-I." (Chargers 23, Colts 21)

RIP Dick Nolan. Hell yeah, "The Price Is Right" is an American institution! Get out of the film room sometime, Jaws. Hasselbeck admitting postgame that he didn't believe it when Holmgren told him they were going to pass more was tremendous. (Seahawks 24, 49ers 0)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL:CI (7-3, L1): This was a disgrace. Scott and I were both 7-2 before my leading scorer was the Atlanta defense. I don't think 42.07 is an all-time low for me, but it's damn close.

Jacksux 4 (4-6, L1): One of these days I'll learn to trust my instincts. My instincts told me to start Ben over Carson this week. I actually had Ben in the slot but switched back late in the week, and if I'd kept him there, I would've won. Damn it. (After further calculations this is wrong. I'd have lost by .08. In a sense, it's actually better this way.)

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. New England (9-0) - Spent week off stewing in their own juices
2. Indianapolis (7-2) - Medic!
3. Dallas (8-1) - Pulling away in NFC East

BOTTOM 3:
30. N.Y. Jets (1-8) - It's gotten really bad
31. St. Louis (1-8) - Finally!
32. Miami (0-9) - Will Dolphins Stadium burn like the Orange Bowl did?