Monday, February 6, 2006

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Paul's Boutique

We are quasi-live from the outside of the sports desk hub. Charles brought wings.

5:58 - Seattle 21-17. Just to be contrary.

6:09 - Here come the Seahawks. "Bittersweet Symphony"? Is that someone's idea of a cruel joke?

6:13 - They've been having microphone problems or something on the field throughout the whole pregame. People's voices kept dropping out.

6:22 - Six captains each. That seems excessive.

6:25 - Whoever picked the over for "announced kickoff vs. actual start time" please come to the window. Thank you.

6:27 <----- And those of you who had that in the pool...

6:30 - Darrell Jackson's already caught three balls.

6:31 - It's not much of a sack if the guy pops back up, is it?

6:39 - Commercials. Magic Fridge~~~~~

6:40 - It's a little early to be plugging the halftime show, isn't it?

6:45 - Dangerous pass by Hasselbeck there into four guys.

6:47 - More commercials. "But FedEx doesn't exist yet!" "Not my problem."

6:54 - Nice slant to Jackson. He's been big so far.

6:56 - TOUCH- oh, wait, no. Yeah, it wasn't a huge push-off, but if the official's not right there, it doesn't get called.

6:59 - GOOD. 3-0 Seahawks. At least they got something out of it.

7:03 - Good job by Al to mention how cold Ben's started in relation to the playoff games.

7:11 - Uhhh... wasn't that a fumble?

7:13 - More commercials! "Streaker." "Didn't need to see that." "Nope." Bud's clearly ahead right now.

7:24 - What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? You punt, that's what. It's really not that difficult a choice.

7:27 - Commercials. Michelob Amber Bock just took the lead.

7:29 - What a staggering display of nothing. Is this last year's game again?

7:34 - Great play. Ben pulled that one out of his ass. But how was Ward not in the end zone?

7:36 - Mmmmmm... Candice.

7:39 - I find it very hard to believe that Shaq's a Bree. But that's me.

7:40 - Oh, a rollout. Oooh! Ball's in. That's a touchdown. (Edit: And apparently we were the only ones who think so. I can't even tell anymore.)

7:43 - OK, who the hell is responsible for tracking how often the referee overturns calls? Where do you find that information? And what purpose does it serve? (This one, I guess.) Quiet, you.

7:52 - What the hell are the Seahawks doing out there? I'd advise them to stop and take a deep breath but they don't have time for that.

7:53 - Yeah, you sort of knew from the start that that really wasn't gonna end any other way.

7:57 - I think Matt Leinart just became ineligible again.

8:12 - Should I recognize this song? Because I don't. (It was "Rough Justice", and no, I shouldn't have.)

8:20 - Thank you, Don Fisher and staff. Why did they tell us that? They know what they did.

8:27 - Looking at it now, I think Holmgren's problem with the touchdown was Ben shifting the ball in his hands afterwards.

8:31 - Adios! They're not going to catch Parker.

8:33 - Ameriquest~~~~

8:35 - That's a new record? Really? Only 75 yards? I thought it would've been more than that.

8:41 - Ugly throw by Ben there.

8:51 - Whoa! Great read and great play by Herndon. That's massive. This game was about to end.

8:53 - Hey, a Ken Hamlin sighting. Good for him.

8:54 - Jerramy Stevens! About time you showed up.

8:55 - The Careerbuilder.com ad going to the next level was tremendous.

8:58 - We really need a bigger TV in this office.

9:19 - The Seahawks do want to score on this drive, right?

9:22 - Apparently not. (In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that I missed the holding call on Locklear that started this backslide, and if it was as bad a call as Madden said it was, holy shit.)

9:25 - Yeah, we were wondering why Hasselbeck got flagged there. And when they explained the rule, that just confirmed it. The officials blew that one. All the bad things that have happened to the Seahawks tonight have also had the added sting of happening at the worst times.

9:28 - Quarterback to ex-QB to... ex-QB.

9:29 - I don't think this game's going into the pantheon of all-time Super Bowls. Just a hunch.

9:30 - MacGyver~~~~~~~~~~

9:33 - Oh man. Holmgren's gotta challenge this regardless.

9:35 - Good reversal. The Seahawks needed that one badly.

9:57 - Can we pick up the pace? And tackle, on the other side?

9:58 - Terrible throw by Hasselbeck.

10:00 - WTF? Seriously? What are they doing? Are we SURE this isn't last year's game again? That's a terrible job by Holmgren at the end. Dear Lord.

10:02 - Patriots fans everywhere are physically angry right now.

10:05 - The ad slick from Ben's Got Milk? ad has already moved on the wire.

10:11 - It's the landing capsule from the Apollo missions. What is that thing?

10:17 - Ward wins the MVP. I was wondering who it was gonna be. Had the Seahawks won, it probably would've been Hasselbeck, surprisingly enough.

FINAL RANKINGS

TOP 3
1. Pittsburgh - Park the Bus
2. Indianapolis - Actually, Edge left before the playoff game
3. Seattle - Little help?

BOTTOM 3
30. Detroit - At least they still have the Pistons
31. Green Bay - Mike McCarthy? Really?
32. Houston - Decisions, decisions

6 comments:

Butch Rosser said...

Why Paul's Boutique?

Matt said...

Paul Tagliabue? The commissioner? Come on. You're better than this.

Rob T said...

10:02 - Patriots fans everywhere are physically angry right now.

Is everyone who reads Simmons a utter lemming?

Come on, now, in my book, you don't deserve the "we so would have beaten these guys" ribbon when you lost a playoff game to JAKE FRELLING PLUMMER.

Their defense was an injury away from playing ME at D-Back, they played in the second weakest divsion in the NFL (Miami had to run the table....IN DECEMBER!...to even make the East look respectable.), and they were 3-7, including the playoffs, against teams with winning records.

(One of the 3 WAS Pittsburgh, but that was without Parker & Ward and with an injured Big Ben.)

You're better than this, Basketball.

Matt said...

That's not what I meant, Rob. Pats fans have the same hatred for the Steelers that they have for the Colts, only it's slightly more justified because the Steelers have actually beaten them a couple times.

Or they didn't care. One or the other. But the Steelers winning did NOT make them happy.

Johnny B said...

Uh, the Steelers winning did not make me happy either.

Anonymous said...

Pats fans have had a hard-on for the Steelers since the AFC Championship game before their first Super Bowl win. Cowher told his boys to make their travel plans for New Orleans early; then after the Pats stomped the Steelers, Ward said that he still thought the Steelers were a better team.

Ever since then, Pats fans just hate hate hate on Cowher and Ward every chance they get, and probably always will, in much the same way they still blame the entire Raider organization for Jack Tatum being a jackass.