Showing posts with label Peyton Manning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Peyton Manning. Show all posts

Sunday, October 26, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Lower Management

Oh, Jets. Why do you make it so easy so many times? Their radio guys are... less than enthused. That was a long way to go for that. The Jets can't afford to settle for field goals tonight. As I say that, field goals end up giving them the lead. But only temporarily. Whoa, Sheldon Richardson's in the backfield. A Jets touchdown! Stop the presses! Wait, Gostkowski MADE that? I was sure that was wide left. Geno is down. That... didn't look good. So all that and he only misses one play? That's fortunate, I guess. Maybe he's a really good actor. Danny Amendola LIVES!




We've seen the Jets put together some quality drives tonight but they need a touchdown here. These receivers are highly substandard. Touchdown Jets! That... probably should have worked. I mean, it had a chance.







And what's scary about that is that his explanation almost made sense. Good job by the Jets' offensive players getting out of bounds. They have just enough time to get one more quick pass off. And that's exactly how you do that if nobody's open. Dump it as quickly as possible. 58 yards? Let's see. BLOCKED! That kick looked low. And it was.




I thought that name sounded familiar. (Patriots 27, Jets 25)

Speaking of the Jets, they finally got the alleged playmaker they so desperately needed... about six months too late:




And really, though: Percy Harvin played for Pete Carroll in a state where marijuana is legal and he still couldn't find any chill? This dude needs a shrink.

Signal Finder: CIN @ IND, CAR @ GB, SEA @ STL (2nd half), TEN @ WSH (end), NYG @ DAL

That was an... unfortunate sequence of events for the Panthers. Once Nelson made the move it was over. The Panthers can't stop anything right now. That one was just too easy. The Panthers can't get out of their own way. This'll be over quickly if they can't get sorted. JEBUS. I see why Kuechly's the Panthers' leading tackler — he's the only one who can. Finally, the Panthers are doing things. That's kind of a stupid penalty. At least they survived it. The irony there is a better throw gets intercepted. Lacy didn't even gain any more yards and the Panthers still couldn't bring him down. Then they jump offsides on 3rd down and Lacy uses the shorter distance to break one. There's nothing the Panthers can do. Touchdown to Cobb and this may be a wrap. I'm just gonna assume that "AARON SAYS RELAX" T-shirts are massive sellers in Wisconsin right now. Hey, a stop. This is the Panthers' best drive of the day and they're not even at midfield. Good catch by Benjamin to go up and get it. They need points here. That'll do, I guess. The Panthers have clearly rethought things. Newton with the sneak on 4th and 1... and they don't get it. Aaaand we're headed to St. Louis. (Packers 38, Panthers 17)

So both the Bears and the Buccaneers chose the wrong quarterback? Good to know. (Dolphins 27, Bears 14)


Is the referee putting his contact lens back in? He is! I find that strangely reassuring. So that was a fumble after all. Leon Hall just dropped a pick-six. I don't know where Luck was going with that, either. Careful with those legs, Burfict. That's a good stand by the Bengals — you make Luck run twice in a goal-to-go situation, you'll take that. Every time I've seen the Bengals this year, Gresham hasn't been getting any separation from defenders. Bradshaw! Good job atoning for the fumble earlier. It seems like Trent Richardson's finally starting to figure it out. Another fumble? Bad handoff. Man, as soon as I said it. Of course, the Bengals can't get anything going. A lot happened on that pass to Bernard — was it backwards? Was that hit legal?




Fleener couldn't have seen that; that's the only reason he didn't go get it. Did somebody just get run? Oh, yeah, you can't touch the refs. This may not  be the best time to point out that the Colts are hitting everything in front of them but they are. I'd be shocked if the Bengals' total yards after the catch was more than 10. I'm surprised Allen stayed inbounds. The Bengals are getting overwhelmed on offense. it really does feel like they should be down 30 with how little production they've gotten. This should be a touchdown. Yep — the guy tackling Bradshaw grabbed him by his knee, keeping it from hitting the ground. Dude has six touchdown catches. Sanu! That's the first play the Bengals have made and there's 11 minutes left. They didn't get ANY points? Lord. To D.C.! (Colts 27, Bengals 0)




There was no fair catch signal. Carroll can complain all he wants. A Seahawk slipped on that Cunningham 3rd down run that didn't get there. That is terrible edge defense by the Rams. How do you let Russell Wilson break off a 52-yarder? Offensive holding takes away a touchdown and Lynch's only good run today. That's... a touchdown. Who's this dude? Number three tight end? I'm not a fan of the empty backfield on the two-point conversion, even with a quarterback who can run. I think it limits your options. And it didn't work. Chris Givens? Let me tell you something: I don't want to say if Austin Davis is good or not, but he isn't bad. Did this break the plane? Yes! The problem the Rams had last week was they couldn't sustain it for four quarters. This week they just might. If... IF they can stop this drive, which they haven't yet. How did Kearse get that open? Then he ran through the coverage. Bad tackling by the Rams on the Baldwin touchdown. FAKE PUNT!!!! If nothing else, it bought the Rams some yardage. Best case, it might end the game.




Why did Fisher call time out? Fumble? Who's got it? That's a clean fumble. No way to tell.




Rams ball! That's it! Wow. Carroll looks stunned.




(Rams 28, Seahawks 26)




I don't think we could have expected Colt McCoy to be the one to end the Kirk Cousins era but here we are. Offsetting penalties? So much for that big DeSean catch. That is blatant interference — McCourty's hanging on for dear life, as Harlan described it. Stop yapping, DeSean. How did he not get flagged there? Field goal up. Field goal good. And Colt McCoy has as many wins this season as Kirk Cousins does. (Redskins 19, Titans 17)


Well, Brees looks like he's back. Great catch and body control by that guy to give the Lions the lead. So Brees cooled off in the fourth? Look, if you make him run, that's a win. And there's your stop.




Apparently no one. (Lions 24, Saints 23)

Why so mad, Giants? Three straight runs. Interesting. Fine coverage by the Giants on Escobar. did they forget he was on the field? Antrel Rolle was going in the opposite direction. Also, Romo had three days to throw that ball. Chronicle the saga of the Giants' new offense, won't you, Thom Brenneman? I feel like Giants fans had gotten fed up with Gilbride's predictable scheme and wanted something new.




Well this is interesting. The ground caused that fumble but I don't know about that spot. Now, did Garrett challenge after they measured? It's short. Giants going for it? I'd have the quarterback sneak banked just in case drawing them offsides goes wrong. Aaand it's a false start so it doesn't matter. How are you gonna fine a guy who clearly can't afford underwear? I kid, I kid, the NFL rookie scale is pretty good. The Giants are misfiring in the passing game again. Big pickup by Donnell. They're going for it again? And throwing into double coverage? Pass interference? OK. Hey an Andre Williams sighting. Carr holds Beckham and he still scores. Romo just barely escaped calamity there. Dez fell down is why that interception happened. That return by Prince, though. Murray popped him one at the end to knock him out of bounds. Touchdown Giants.




Careful, DeMarco — you've never played a full season in the NFL. I mean, Romo has so much time at times behind this line. I don't understand the last three minutes of this half. ELI MOTORING. That should have been a fumble. That drive was kind of a waste. Hey, Murray's back in. You have to actually tackle Dez. Romo led Escobar pretty much perfectly on that touchdown.  Aikman's talking about how these quick wide receiver screens didn't work for the Seahawks last week, either. Another wasted drive by the Giants. WHOA that's bright. Romo just said "double move" and then they ran the ball. I'd have gone for it, Garrett. The Giants can't stop them right now. Charissa's report about the sunlight coming in through the usually-closed doors has me thinking of The Hunt For Red October. "Those doors, sir, are the problem." Fumble! Cowboys ball. Pretty much the same thing that happened earlier on the Bradshaw run that they didn't give the Cowboys the ball on. Dez!! They're gonna give him that? Nah, he's down at about the 3. Or the 1. It's all semantics, really. I feel like Eli's had a good game but it won't matter in the end. Well, they've got something cooking here, at least. I mean, this is what this offense is now, especially with no Cruz. Beckham scores and for the moment, we have a game. This is how you run a four-minute drive, and Bailey's not going to miss this field goal. (Cowboys 31, Giants 21)




Dockett's already out for the season. What's he got to lose? (Cardinals 24, Raiders 13)

Those aren't the 49ers' regular left guard and center either. That was easy enough. This would be the place to try a 51-yarder with a 39-year-old kicker, you know. Not even close. That's good concentration by Sanders. Peyton just faked everybody out on that pass to Welker. He's tied! Been quite a few sacks already tonight. Is there any ball Boldin can't catch? Yeah, that's interference, and not good interference, as Boldin caught it before it got knocked out of his hands. Well I guess there's one ball Boldin can't catch.




I have no idea why Harbaugh's challenging this — he's gonna lose 15 yards on the penalty regardless.
That is also a penalty. Peyton fell down after that play fake and for a split second I thought he was going to try to throw it from his back. Wrong Thomas, Peyton. Good job by NBC going to the PA for the announcement.










The Niners are wasting all kinds of time here. I feel like they were unjustly rewarded for that.
Not a good throw by Kaepernick. And Peyton cashes in IMMEDIATELY. The 49ers corners aren't good. And really, they're just outmanned in general tonight and will be until they get some key guys back. Now the Broncos are continuing a 15-year or so tradition of running the ball effectively with guys you've never heard of. Al and Cris are flipping coins up in the booth. Osweiler's in. Were those his career numbers? Also, I see Blaine Gabbert is still crap.




Look, a good prank requires proper planning. Any episode of Night Court should have taught you that. (Broncos 42, 49ers 17)

YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE. Good Lord, I apologize. That's what the Texans needed and the Steelers didn't. Ben didn't even hold on to the ball all that long — Mercilus was just on him that quickly. Also, Watt straight up abused DiCostanzo. The Steelers' defense is just too old. That's... that's a hell of a metaphor by Timmons just now.




You know who's good is DeAndre Hopkins. I'd go for this if I were the Texans. You've got Arian Foster. And that's how you do that. Watt is unblockable. You know a guy who doesn't get talked about anymore is Brian Cushing, who looked really slow trying to run down Bell just then. Whoa! Someone blew a coverage. This is that kid's debut, I believe. Good start. Wait, is this a fumble? They're looking closely at it. Steelers ball! That did NOT deserve to work. And Fitzpatrick just threw an interception! Timmons is having a rough night. That pass hit him in the head. Touchdown to Bell! JEBUS.










Flea flicker? Shame that didn't amount to anything. Now the Texans are pinned deep. Nice job moving the ball and getting out of there. This is getting overturned — Moore was rather clearly down. Though I do find it interesting that the original call was that the Texans player had stepped out of bounds after picking the ball up. You know who's still good is Andre Johnson. I mean, that's a catch. It's not NOT a catch. THIS one, on the other hand... where's that second foot? Man, I don't know. That's as close as it gets. Oh my God, Hopkins, that was terrible. Tirico's right — why are the Steelers throwing here? The Texans somehow have no time outs left. Is Jim Harbaugh coaching tonight? And here's why... the Texans just went down the field on your defense and there's still 1:45 left. You'd better recover this awful onside kick. Good job. (Steelers 30, Texans 23)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:

1. Dallas (6-1) — I mean... there's really no denying it
2. Denver (5-1) — A self-assured bunch
3. Arizona (5-1) — Another easy victory
4. Green Bay (5-2) — Sneaking up on everyone

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — No team in the league has allowed more points
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Nice first win for the Jags
31. N.Y. Jets (1-6) — I'm guessing Harvin won't much like it here, either
32. Oakland (0-6) — Hit new low getting trolled by an injured guy

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Throwback Throwdown

Wait, "Bittersweet Symphony"? These pre-game musical selections already have my head spinning.


Please, please take the over on the length of the National Anthem. That was fun. Note: That "Coin Toss" graphic is not actually ON the field.


No one knows how to take a knee on a kickoff return anymore. What caused THAT? Moreno just fell on it.







Harvin! Oh, he stepped on the sideline and he knows it. Fun fact: The tight end Wilson just overthrew — Zach Miller — is the highest-paid Seahawk. This replay angle looks like Wilson got there.


Wait, is that the Ian Rappaport from the NFL Network? God, I hope not.


Wait, that was a car commercial? I was expecting a movie. And since when does Maserati even advertise? That's why I hate challenging spots. Then there's a false start. That Silverado commercial had both way too much subtext and way too much actual text. Chancellor made that hit look effortless. It's weird seeing Aaron Paul with a full head of hair. The Seahawks keep converting these third downs. CHICANERY! Doesn't rule in that case. That's not grounding?


I mean, that's intentional grounding if it's anything. It's certainly not a fumble.


Avril was right in Peyton's face there. That's the difference... PRESSURE. The Patriots never laid a finger on Peyton and you'll remember he had one of the best games ever against them.






Yeah, that's pass interference. Touchdown Lynch. Why is Chancellor on the kickoff team? Seems strange.




The Broncos are throwing a lot of short passes. I mean, very short. They're not running the ball at all, either. There's a deep pass. Another interception! There's Avril again; that time he got Peyton on the arm and knocked that pass into orbit. Remember Malcolm Smith? The guy who made the game-sealing interception two weeks ago? He's making sure you know who he is now.




A fumble on the kickoff? Oh no. Oh, they're overturning it? Yeah, he's down. That could have ended the game right there.




I mean, I understand why they're doing it now, but how many times have the Broncos run the ball so far? Three? Four?



Can you try a field goal here? I don't know. I might consider it but whatever.




Meanwhile, Toyota's got Jan breaking the fourth wall.

Wait, is Bruno doing his own drumming? That's pretty good. I only know the one song of his that everybody loves, so I'm interested to see how this turns out. And of course he leads with it.

The band really does add a lot to the act. The sound in here isn't the greatest — I didn't realize he was doing "Shout" until he started bringing it back up. That's a fantastic transition even though it was telegraphed. Who's the Peppers' guitarist these days?

LEON SANDCASTLE PART 2.

A pooch kick? CHRIST ON WHEELS. Guys, the Seahawks played in the last lousy Super Bowl we had, and this one just ended.


How many sideline reporters does FOX have for this game? What was that? God bless you, Sarah McLachlan. Demariyus may have gotten away with OPI there. This punt is a white flag.

Lynch almost broke that, not that it matters. The one thing the Broncos can say is that they've largely kept Lynch in check. The rest of it, though. I mean... at least by punting they flipped the field? I don't know. I'm grasping at straws here. Clean strip by Maxwell and Malcolm Smith is trying to win the MVP award.








Kearse just ran through four guys to score and the Broncos look like they've quit. Bob Dylan? Really?

Why is Troy referencing a preseason game? It's so bad I'm not even noticing the Broncos are driving again. Also because they've all ended badly. Except for this one. Nice catch. So both teams have hit 8 points in this game.

Apparently Chris Pine is too big for these Star Trek xFinity ads. I keep forgetting Lynch actually has a backup. This probably won't count. There's another third down conversion. And Baldwin joins the scoring party. That Radio Shack 80's ad turned out to be the most appropriate Super Bowl ad ever because this game is straight out of the 80's, right through the Broncos being on the business end of the ass-kicking. Avril almost picked that off. Thomas hit Sherman in the back. Wait, when did Thurmond go down? Did I miss a play?

Let's talk about this Seahawks team for a minute. It is PACKED FULL of guys nobody else wanted. Harvin and Lynch were first-round picked who were dumped by the teams that drafted them. A punter was drafted before Russell Wilson. They grabbed two guys — Sherman and Baldwin — that now-49ers coach Jim Harbaugh coached at Stanford. Their highest-paid player, again, is ZACH MILLER.

SodaStream seems below Scarlett Johansson. Maybe it's me. So those were spots for the new 24 miniseries. The last one looked like a Battlefield/COD commercial (which I still struggle to tell apart). Man, Eli looks sadder than Peyton does.


Tarvaris Jackson LIVES! I'm not sure I would have let him throw a pass, though. I don't know why Peyton's still out there. No one had this outcome. No one.





Marcus Allen? It's an AFC West BONANZA up in here! Al Davis is throwing up in his grave. Malcolm Smith's your MVP.

Howie Long makes a great point: The NFL now is SO offense-focused and offense-favored. For a defense to do this to an offense, especially THIS offense... holy crap. (Seahawks 43, Broncos 8)

FINAL RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (16-3) — Champions at last
2. San Francisco (14-5) — Oh, the agony
3. Denver (15-4) — Opening old wounds
4. Carolina (12-5) — Interesting times ahead

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-12) — Can they finally start getting better?
30. Cleveland (4-12) — Just a complete mess of an organization
31. Houston (2-14) — New beginnings abound
32. Washington (3-13) — Could use some inspiration

Sunday, February 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: A Ticket Punchers' Chance

I have to think that the move to change the start times of these games to 3 and 6:30 Eastern was, at least in part, for this very set of circumstances. You have to CATCH the snap, Peyton. That's better. That's two three-and-outs by the Patriots already.


I know I keep saying this but who are these jabronis Brady's throwing to? Uh-oh. Manning hit his groove. That's not pass interference? Way to not answer Nantz's question, Simms. It was kind of important.


Hey, a completion! That Ridley run was only the third that's been called so far. That still doesn't answer the question, Phil. Well, there it is, and it's by a guy who will never get the ball thrown to him again. Gotta call holding sometime.


Did the Broncos just give a backup tight end the ball on a RUNNING play? The Broncos have split Patriots defenders a few times already on this drive. Just finding holes and slipping through them. Did Peyton just say "Batman?" (Turns out it was "Fat man.") Moreno! DON'T FEED THE MACHINE, CBS GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT.


The Broncos won't risk a sneak here. Jebus, Peyton had at least three targets to choose from. Belichick going with the cap? Huh. Neither quarterback has faced any real pressure so far. Peyton is threading some needles on this two-minute drive. Why is Bon Jovi in Kraft's suite? That should have had a more successful ending. Wait, Peyton's 10 for his last 10? I  might have gone for it before the half if I'd known that. We're already talking about defensive fatigue, Simms? Though it should be noted that the Broncos got the ball to start the third quarter. Ball just plowed through the defense on that 3rd down run. Touchdown. Brady's all "I'm gonna have to do this myself again, aren't I?" The Patriots need this drive, and they probably need a touchdown. Everyone called time out there, apparently. The Patriots are still going for this. Aaaand that didn't work out so well. Knighton's been beating down fools all game and just got rewarded.


Julius Thomas just worked whoever was trying to cover him. Man, a touchdown would have ended it for sure. Although as badly as the Patriots are playing offensively, it might not matter. I mean, I didn't think they'd be able to score enough points but this is ridiculous.


How did Brady complete that? He was going down and lobbed it up there — I thought it had a better chance of getting intercepted. They needed that conversion. The overthrow followed by the touchdown to Edelman only underscores how not good Brady's been today. That's a big pickup from Peyton to Julius. But the one where he missed Demariyus could have ended it. Still, though. Uh-oh, Brady's doing that surgical thing. The Broncos are sitting back and the Patriots are killing them with underneath stuff. Brady could run for this. And he does! How do you fail to tackle Tom Brady, of all people? Just stand him up and wrap up. Not. Even. Close.


And that failed onside kick will put a wrap on this. Tamme! And that IS that. Hey, an Eli and Archie sighting! Also, John Fox's Revenge. (Broncos 26, Patriots 16)

Joe is PUMPED. Dr. Dre here to support his Beats clients. Stealing the "Crank It Up" box? The NASCAR people are gonna be PISSED. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL.


Giving up only three isn't the greatest thing here. Lynch got stuffed. That wasn't close either. That's why the fair catch signal was invented. You can't take that hit under any circumstances. Not sure how Reid didn't intercept that. It went off his hands! Kaepernick's running like he's playing the Packers. This is... I don't think he made it. Good thing these get reviewed. Nope. So what do the 49ers do? Run it back, that's what.
Wilson's getting chased all over this field.


Baldwin!! That may have been the miracle Greeny just referenced. The Seahawks are down enough receivers as it is — they better hope Baldwin's okay.


I don't like anything about this call. Not the call itself or the fact that the 49ers benefit from it.


Somehow, LaMichael James is back on this kickoff.


Whoa, Gore almost put that on the ground. Lynch is starting to find some holes. Like THAT one. That was the longest delay for an obvious touchdown ever.


I would have edited Cam's Play 60 commercial completely differently. They cut the best parts! Nice grab by Crabtree. Fumble! And the 49ers get lucky that their center ends up with it.


SO MUCH going on with that touchdown. First, Kaepernick was off the ground when he threw it. How did Earl Thomas not knock that down? Also, great concentration by Boldin there. Then Baldwin comes right back with a big kickoff return. The ones that are going the distance you can tell are going the distance. That one never looked like it but it was still huge.


The Seahawks cannot handle the 49ers' pressure. Taking out the punter? OK, that one's grounding.


They're gonna kick this? OK. That was disjointed. Now they're going for it? You can't ask for more than that. Free play and a touchdown!


Harbaugh is SOUR. Delay of game on San Francisco? That took longer than it normally does. FUMBLE! The Niners were due to lose one, too. Who's got this now? What all happened? Kearse didn't reach the end zone, Bowman has the ball on the replay, then gets hurt, and... loses it at some point? It's not reviewable because it was ruled that the Seahawks recovered. Oh man. And Pereira just said that who recovered it isn't reviewable, just whether it was a fumble or not. Oh, Bowman was down before he lost it? Wow. And now he's hurt? Oh God, his leg.


Now the Seahawks are going for it. FUMBLE! Well that worked out, I guess? I don't know. I tend to think not.




Kaepernick never should have thrown that pass. Just run straight ahead, Tate. Jebus. You've got the lead; you don't need to stop the clock. Converting that first down would have been preferable.


That wouldn't have worked anyway. How much time is left? Gore! Gotta play the man there, not the ball. Hey, a Vernon Davis sighting. Seahawks need to crank it up here. Tipped... INTERCEPTION! And there's where you play the ball. You KNOW Sherman loved doing that.









And we've got ourselves an old-school AFC West throwdown. See you in the urban jungle. (Seahawks 23, 49ers 17)

Sunday, November 3, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Break's Over

Here's a #TrueFact: Ellington's already better than Mendenhall and should really be starting. Someone please tell the Cardinals this.







Do the Cardinals even have fans? That crowd didn't make sense. (Seahawks 34, Cardinals 22)

Signal Finder: DAL @ PHI, NE @ NYJ (end), BAL @ PIT

So Rams-Panthers turned into WarGames, apparently. And this appears to be why. Don't piss off Steve Smith. (Panthers 30, Rams 15)

That right there is a good reason to shave your head. FOLES RUNNING. Have the Cowboys called a running play yet? Witten lives in space against the Eagles and always has. 112 catches all-time? That actually seems low. Can't miss a chance to tackle Dez short. Man, we got sacks all over the place. Foles not playing all that well, to be honest. Really not much going on here.



Both offenses have done a couple things, but either they're off or these defenses are playing better than anyone expected. Uh-oh, the Cowboys are percolating. Pretty sure Fletcher's the Eagles' best guy on the back end. Foles has missed Celek twice in a row.






Wait, Dez caught that, I think. I guess they're not looking at it. Jason Hatcher's doing yeoman's work on that decimated Dallas D-line. What the hell, Chip? Trying a 60-yarder on 4th and 1 with a time out? That makes absolutely no sense. The Cowboys have 10 penalties already? Seriously? That touchdown might do it the way this game is going. Wasn't the greatest throw by Romo there but Dez still has to catch that. And Chip wins his first challenge! You know what the Eagles could use is somebody who could make a play on defense. Three minutes of real time pass INTERCEPTION! Where was that pass even going? Did Romo jump? Nice play by 27 to break that up but I'm not sure Jackson would have stayed inbounds. And now he's hurt? They've got enough problems. What? How? WHAT? This gets automatically reviewed because it's a turnover. That's an awful throw. I can't overturn that. Brenneman: "I'm glad somebody else has that job." They reversed it!



Go for it, Chip. You may not get this close again. Shotgun? At least that worked. And Foles screws it up by getting sacked. Event he field goal was an adventure. Wait... BARKLEY'S warming up? Oh Lord. It's worth saying also that the Cowboys are playing their best defensive game in about four years. And now the Cowboys are completing every pass possible. Well, this game's over. Barkley's first throw is already better than anything Foles did today. And the Cowboys jump offside, nullifying an interception.  How are there still nine minutes left? Sadly, this interception will count. Romo fumbles again? Blah, he got it back. This game is STILL going on? Hey, Barkley got the Eagles across midfield. So there's that. (Cowboys 17, Eagles 3)

Gronk! He's been rather large. But he just dropped the game-winner. Brady's doing what Brady does so far. And we're tied. Nelson did exactly what you should do now with the Calvin Johnson rule: roll over onto his back. Is it bad that I've already forgotten the overtime rules? Oh, thanks, Dierdorf. The hell? Folk from 56? Is Rex smoking something? An unsportsmanlike conduct? Pushing the opponent into the pile? WHAT THE ACTUAL. I don't see it. Lot of boos here — place must be packed with Pats fans. How do you even call that? I mean I don't even care, but... how?



That's it's unsportsmanlike conduct and 15 yards is incredibly harsh. Here's Folk again, from half as far away. Holy crap the Patriots are unimpressive. (Jets 30, Patriots 27, OT)

Nantz and Simms not calling this game is strange. Jerricho Cotchery still being reliable is amazing to me. Felix Jones always could return kickoffs. Rivalry games spur anger and emotion. The Ravens were lucky to get that kickoff back. Seemed like the Steelers had the ball a long time to not be across midfield. That is a fumble. I think Torrey Smith just lost a yard trying to get out of bounds. The Steelers are playing like men possessed... which sometimes leads to being offside like on that sack just now. Ray Rice is having a terrible game, by the way. The Steelers are going like they're running out of time, which they kind of are if you look at the standings. Mike Tomlin just activated a time vortex with that challenge. The Ravens are going for it despite their inability to move the ball on the ground. Quarterback sneak! The best move there under the circumstances. Flacco trying to do his best Ben impression. They needed a touchdown. And I hate this onside kick. The Ravens aren't even trying anything deep. There's the touchdown they needed last time, and they've left Roethlisberger with two minutes. I still don't trust Suisham. And yes, I'm well aware he made the kick. (Steelers 19, Ravens 16)






Back-to-back three and outs? Drink! Two passes and a touchdown. Entirely too easy. Don't know why the Broncos are punting here. Oh, right, John Fox. That ball's out! Whoa! What? They're saying he's out of bounds? Pagano can challenge this, right? Why wouldn't it be a touchdown? The Colts player wasn't touched. Oh, because the call was out-of-bounds, so the ball was dead and you can't advance a dead ball. This should be Colts ball at least, though. I thought Heyward-Bey got a raw deal from the Raiders - he was finally figuring it out and they cut him for no good reason. Holliday just got killed by the PUNTER. Crazy catch by Julius Thomas. Man, this place is still loud. Fumble into the air! Wait, he's inbounds. They have to look at this, right? Ah, his shoulder's out of bounds. OK. Safety! Nice run by Luck — Peyton can't do that. The fullback outrunning people was amusing. Ah, jeez. Champ just came back, too. It feels like the moment has gotten to the Broncos. And the Colts are also jacked up. Look at Fleener going airborne for extra yardage. Whoa! That was very well done. The official who would have signaled touchdown got knocked out of the way. Who saw this coming? Decker might have gotten that flag — or the ball — if he hadn't stopped. A couple of people have noticed that Peyton's throws don't look that great, especially after the fumble/safety. Where's Welker been? Holy crap, Luck. That's better, Decker. I guess he didn't catch it. Ever since the touchdown he's been having a rough night. Andrew Luck is the Colts' best running back. The Broncos haven't looked good for the last two quarters. Decker was very lucky to hang on to that and Peyton was lucky initially to not get picked. Now he's forcing throws like Eli's been all season.


That one didn't look good either but Demayrius bailed him out. Fumble! Broncos have enough time to go for this 4th and 1. Hey, Welker showed up. Still plenty of time here, folks. Touchdown Moreno. Third and one and the Colts throw? What? Wayne's down and he wasn't touched? Oh no. This looks bad... that's exactly what happened to Revis last year. Well, he's walking off, at least. Peyton gets intercepted! What was wrong with... oh, the rusher got Peyton's arm.



Luck probably should have taken the sack — keep the clock running. Are you kidding me with that catch, Welker? Does nothing all game and then that. And again! Wait, what's going on now? Pagano challenged without being sure of possession? Oh, it's Colts ball? Here's my question: Why wasn't Moreno in the game there? Along with his quarterbacking skills and athletic ability, Andrew Luck is a fine actor. Now we've got some Keystone Kops foolishness with these penalties on this punt. Dude's definitely loose. Holliday should have fielded the third punt. That's a bad sack for the Broncos. This I don't like... you can't waste time running the field goal unit out there. And that's that. THE STUDENT HAS BECOME THE MASTER. Watching the end of game handshakes, I'm sad Reggie Wayne isn't out there. (Colts 39, Broncos 33)

And now to this, which feels like a walkout fight by comparison.


So who's the Giants running back? A seventh-round pick from UMASS. (Who, FYI, just moved up fully to D1 football this season. They effectively took Temple's spot in MACtion.) Peyton Hillis is still alive? The Vikings' secondary would fit right in in the NFC East. And there's Nicks' year in a nutshell. At least they made the field goal. FREEMAN! I expect Adrian Peterson to get 60 carries tonight. Yeah, the Giants suck on special teams, too. Hold up, let's see about this flag. Is there a Vikings contingent at MetLife Headquarters? 'Cause there was a cheer when the first penalty was announced. I can't fault Weatherford for that horse collar. He's a PUNTER. He doesn't know any better! Still, he could have at least done it to the guy with the ball. Look, if you're gonna bench Eli, you've got to bench about 40 other guys too. There are two players on this team who haven't been God-awful: Cruz and Prince. That's it, that's the list.


But maybe it's not all hopeless:



Did Rolle even hit Simpson? It looked like he was closer to hitting Prince. That's a clutch punt. Well at least the Vikings still have Jared Allen. OK, he just sacked two guys with one arm. Way to start the second half, Vikings. SPECIAL TEAMS. Wait, did he go down on his own? Moron. This same guy ran one back earlier. We got guys just falling down by themselves all over the place here. What is this?


Can't put that one on Freeman. Why did Sharrif Floyd have the ball in the first place? What is going ON up there?


And I can't believe I haven't made this point yet, and I'm not sure Tirico or Gruden have, either (as I'm only half-watching this debacle): Why in God's name are you throwing so many passes with a guy who's been there for two weeks?



Freeman and Hillis postgame: "Seriously, fuck Schiano, right?" (Giants 23, Vikings 7)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:

1. Kansas City (7-0):


2. Denver (6-1) — Do we see some holes?
3. Seattle (6-1) — Not pretty, but effective
4. New Orleans (5-1) — May already have division wrapped up

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Finally!
30. Minnesota (1-5) — I hope management kept the receipt
31. Tampa Bay (0-6) — It gets worse and worse
32. Jacksonville (0-7) — See above

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Road Cooking

If this were a regular season game, Ron Pitts and John Lynch would be calling it. I mean, it's hard to bury a playoff game but NBC almost did it. There's an inauspicious beginning. The Seahawks were fortunate to only give up three there — they can thank Bush for that drop. Tipped pass gets picked? It's getting worse. Lawyer Milloy's still alive? This is a key sequence for the Seahawks because every game they've lost this season they've lost big and ugly, and they need to get something here to stay in this one. Julius Jones? Julius Jones, making Seahawks fans everywhere hate him even more. Poor Roman Harper. First getting run down by Sam Bradford and now this. Again John Carlson gets wide open — the Saints cover tight ends like the Eagles. Brandon Stokley's still alive? Are... are the Seahawks ahead? At halftime? It's only four points; this can't last. Well, now it's 11 points. The Saints have become completely one-dimensional here on offense and they've been nothing short of awful on defense. My God this stadium is loud. Where is Bush, anyway? Bad unnecessary roughness penalty on Clemons. You can't make it easy for the Saints at this point in the game — two touchdowns is nothing to these guys. Julius Jones scores again. Three straight passes, Seahawks? Here's where the Saints having almost no running game really works against them: Thomas or Ivory gets a touchdown there instead of having to kick a 21-yard field goal. O. M. G. That's what Marshawn Lynch calls BEAST MODE, which in my mind's eye looks something like this:



Seriously, that may be the greatest thing he's ever done. Tracy Porter took that stiff-arm like he was a door flying off an exploding car. I'm trying to decide what's more impressive: the 60 pass attempts for Brees or the zero interceptions. This isn't over yet! Really, Sean Payton? A two-point conversion try to stay in a playoff game and you send an ice-cold DeShawn Wynn up the middle? THE KINGS ARE DEAD. LONG LIVE THE... well, let's not get carried away. Even though the Seahawks played their best game in about three years (and the Saints arguably their worst), we all know the real reason they won:

The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways. (Seahawks 41, Saints 36)

THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL. Rex should probably see a professional about that. Let's remember also that the Colts were the No. 3 seed when they won their last Super Bowl. Hey, they got across midfield. There's a development. GARCON! Sanchez should stop throwing to Dustin Keller... it has yet to end well. Aaaand there's an interception in the end zone on another try to Keller to end the half. What a waste that was. At least they get the ball to start the second half. There you go, Keller. If anyone knows anything about beating the Colts in the playoffs, it's LDT. Is Reggie Wayne being triple-teamed or something? I haven't heard his name called all night. (Aside: Wayne was one of the candidates for the Madden 11 cover. Had he won, we would have had the Super Bowl loser on the Madden cover and there's a non-zero chance he'd be dead right now.) Were there really only three possessions in the third quarter? There's Tomlinson again. Ooooh, Peyton and Blair White (?!) couldn't connect and that would have given them a chance to ice it. REAL KICKERS DO REAL THINGS. So do real kickoff returners — that was big. Why did the Colts call time out? Did you see Peyton's face when they announced it? He looked like someone had just told him the Earth was flat. Seriously, why did they do that? That just gave the Jets more time to get closer for a kick that Nick Folk can actually make. I've been hard on Braylon in the past but he's actually had a good year not dropping the football. Nick Folk... does real kicker things? (Jets 17, Colts 16)

Ah, Arrowhead. It's been too long. Eric Berry's already flying all around the field. Ray Rice's absence on that third and goal from the 1-foot line was... odd. There's a fumble and Flacco just has to do a better job protecting the ball. This defense isn't catching Jamaal Charles. From what little I've seen from the Chiefs these days, the biggest differences between this year and last are not only vastly improved team speed (I remember remarking how slow they were when they played the Eagles and Giants on back-to-back weeks last year) and the light going on for a few other guys. OK, there's Rice. Todd Heap has been running wild in this game. Chiefs are going for it here? Fourth and one and you call a toss play? Really? No wonder Charlie Weis is leaving. This is starting to get out of hand. Terrible interception by Cassel and that might be the end of it. His arm is coming forward. The Arrowhead PA is playing "Tell Me Something Good" during the challenge. It worked! At least something did. Kevin Curtis is still alive? I mean, not that it matters, but it's nice to know in the end. (Ravens 30, Chiefs 7)

This feels... familiar. Well, at least it did up until Akers... missed the field goal? That doesn't happen. Tom Crabtree? Who is Tom Crabtree? And along the same lines, when did the Packers finally find a running game? This could be dangerous if this keeps up. Did McCoy roll onto DeSean's leg? Oh boy. And here's another unsettling development: The Packers are continuing to run the ball. Why were they wasting their time with Brandon Jackson all year with this Starks guy sitting in cold storage? Also, what's with all the drops? James Jones could have ended this game before halftime if he'd hung on to that one. It looks like Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl out there. FUMBLE. Michael Vick throws darts. We've got a game finally. Speaking of Brandon Jackson, that was a good job by him on the touchdown to not get tackled while waiting for his blockers to catch up. Akers missed AGAIN?! That's a bad omen. Is Starks the new Antowain Smith? Seriously. Go for it! You've got no choice now! When all else fails, run the sneak with Vick. Go for two! Yes! Wait, what? He stepped out of bounds? Oh, Celek. It really hasn't been a good year at all, has it. Wait... why are they lining up again? What just happened here? (Seriously, I missed the explanation for this, so if anyone's got it, I'd be much obliged.) Vick's limping again. Oh man, if Kolb has to come in, that would just complete the circle, wouldn't it? Oh, this doesn't look good... and it ends just like that. Look, I had the Eagles 8-8 at best and finishing last. This is gravy. Well, garlic butter, as I've never been a gravy fan. But you see my point. (Packers 21, Eagles 16)

Friday, December 10, 2010

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 13: Perilous and Ponderous

This is coming back, isn't it? Yeah, of course it is. It doesn't seem to matter watching this drive, though. Or this one. Or even this one, though the Texans did at least hold them to a field goal here. These drives have all taken a decent amount of time, too, which is encouraging. Is it just me or did McCoy pick up his game when Vick came back? How does Joel Dreesen keep getting wide open against good teams? I was worried that without Samuel, if the Eagles were going to blow a lead like this, it'd be on a big play but that hasn't happened. Like the Eagles in the first half, the Texans are doing this with long, methodical drives. Well there's a bomb to Andre Johnson. Plenty of time left for Houston's defense to cough another one up. You know, Wade Phillips is out there. (Before you ask me if I'm crazy, I'd absolutely hire Wade to just run a defense.) I feel like Vick doesn't get low enough when he sneaks but it seems to work. (He's not a big guy, either Celek got that one on the stretch, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, but throw the flag, Andy. Come on, he got it. Yes! The difference between six points and 10 is huge here and that's why you do that. I don't know if there's anything to this, but I'm beginning to believe the Texans actually traded Kyle Shanahan to the Redskins and got back their staggering inability to finish games. (Eagles 34, Texans 24)

Signal Finder: WAS @ NYG; CLE @ MIA, DEN @ KC (end), NO @ CIN (end); DAL @ IND; ATL @ TB (end)

Can the Browns avenge their brothers-in-arms on the hardwood? sees Jake Delhomme is starting I'm gonna go ahead and say "no." This has been kind of a snoozefest, to be honest. 60 yards! That'll wake these people up. Oh man, overtime just went through that Dolphins DB's hands.,although this game's been so bad I'm not sure anyone would stick around for 15 more minutes of it. I would have bet everything I own that Delhomme and not Chad Henne would throw the game-killing interception. How does he not score? It's GOOD! Why are the Dolphins so bad at home this year? Is it delayed karma from the Orange Bowl demolition? Also, Eric Mangini needs some Coach of the Year votes — this is a 4-12 roster at best and he has an outside shot at 8-8. crosses off Dolphins (Browns 13, Dolphins 10)

Did the Lions just get screwed out of a win over the Bears again? (Bears 24, Lions 20)

I'm well aware that the Redskins have plenty of more important problems. But the yellow pants have got to go. No Haynesworth, not that you'd notice. Although thinking about it, I guess you would miss a giant blob of unmotivated, apathetic fat. Especially when the Giants are running right through the hole that he theoretically would have filled up. I think it's safe to say the switch to the 3-4 hasn't exactly paid dividends. And yet this team has somehow already won one more game than last year. Does Coughlin have Ahmad Bradshaw doing that thing he did with Tiki where he carries a ball up under his neck or wherever everywhere he goes? Because it worked for Tiki is all I'm saying. If Jake Delhomme against Carolina last week was a 0.0000001 on the Vengeance Scale, Devin Thomas against the Redskins may actually be a negative number. He blocked a punt! This is his greatest game ever. This can't end soon enough. And it ended pretty soon. crosses off Redskins (Giants 31, Redskins 7)

Really, Sean Payton? Really? This BETTER work. Of course, Lynch's rationale that the Saints are a better team anyway probably does figure into it — if they're better , they should be able to get this first down anyway. They sure are taking their time. Wait... are they trying to draw them offsiOH MY GOD IT WORKED. And the Bengals player clearly moved first looking at this replay. Good teams find ways to win games and bad teams find ways to lose games. But that kickoff return gave the Bengals time... time they've just squandered by somehow not calling time out. That's such a Bengals way to lose. (Saints 34, Bengals 30)

Bill Simmons, in his mini-prediction column: "The No Handshake Bowl II. And there won't be a III." (Chiefs 10, Broncos 6)

This should never have happened. Although at the start of this weekend I would have preferred this being our only CBS game here instead of anything in the 1 p.m. block. (Raiders 28, Chargers 13)

That was too easy. So was that. The Scandrick interception was a little more difficult but I have a pattern to maintain here. Is a Colts game in the Peyton Manning era going to be over by halftime? With the Colts losing? I can't believe what I'm seeing here. Some of Peyton's recent interceptions have been so bad they've looked like his rookie season. The thing I've noticed on the ones he's thrown today is that the Cowboys aren't being fooled. He's not throwing it directly to them, but they know where the ball's going, and it seems like that's been a problem for some of his other recent ones. Of course, count him out at your own peril. Are the Cowboys really about to completely blow this lead? Yep. Off a blocked punt, of all things, which isn't even in play if the penalty doesn't wipe out that monster kickoff return. Still, it's very tenuous at one point and I don't think I'd throw the ball at all if I'm the Cowboys — they've been running wild all day. And that's exactly what they're doing. They threw two passes on that drive (both to Witten) and chewed up almost the entire fourth quarter. Two and a half minutes left? That's two minutes more than the Colts actually need. You'd think the Cowboys would be triple-teaming Wayne on every play and making Peyton throw to guys he's clearly not comfortable with, which is also part of the problem. I think Javarris James has more rushing touchdowns than every other Colts running back this season. And if anything happens to him, the next phone call could be to his cousin Edge. The fact that Peyton's thrown three interceptions, had two of them returned for touchdowns, and we're still going to overtime says a lot about a lot of things. What, again? Are you kidding me? It's the Super Bowl losers' curse. I don't have any better explanations. (Cowboys 38, Colts 35, OT)

How is it that we can have bonus coverage after a game that went halfway into overtime? I feel like if you swapped the Bucs' and Lions' schedules, you could also swap their records. (Falcons 28, Buccaneers 24)

Is it 2007 again? Max: "I haven't seen a beating like this since the glory days of Jerry Flynn." Turn out the lights, the party's over. (Patriots 45, Jets 3)

FANTASY REPORT

aPa Whiskey (5-8, L2): No playoffs. All I had to do was beat Janey and I would have gotten in, but I lost by less than two points.

JackSux 7 (6-7, W2): Thanks to Brady and Jennings, I beat the crap out of Rob (again, always a good time) to eliminate him from playoff contention. Now it comes down to one game, me against Rob's brother, who's also 6-7. Winner is in, loser is out.

RANKINGS

TOP 4

1. New England (10-2) — Also of note: Brady hasn't thrown a pick in two months
2. Pittsburgh (9-3) — Round 6,721,453 to the Steelers
3. Atlanta (10-2) — Could make a case they should have lost both games to the Buccaneers
4. Baltimore (8-4) — Still seems like something's missing

BOTTOM 4

29. Arizona (3-9) —In a way, this feels like order's been restored to the universe
30. Buffalo (2-10) — Would Los Angeles even want them?
31. Cincinnati (2-10) — They've lost NINE IN A ROW. That's almost impossible
32. Carolina (1-11) — Gave Seattle a scare for about 25 minutes

----------------
Listening to: John Lennon-Watching the Wheels
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, November 11, 2010

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Absolutely Not Rocket Science

Signal Finder: NYJ @ DET; AZ @ MIN (Really, Channel 29? Really?); IND @ PHI

This is an... interesting choice of game. Braylon will be caught by no one on this bomb. Jason Hanson's still alive? Yeah, not after that, he's not. That play-action bootleg was a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Suh's kicking the extra point? CLANG. And he looks legitimately angry he missed it. Um... why not have the punter kick the PAT? Or is the punter the holder? (Forgive me for not knowing who the Detroit Lions' punter is.) Oh, Rex. Two time outs on back-to-back plays because you had 12 men on the field both times? You've hit a new low. Hey, Jim Schwartz, why are you calling a pass play on third down inside three minutes with the lead and an ice-cold backup quarterback in the game? Good thing Gus Johnson was here. Santonioooooooo. The Jets bailed Rex out today. The Lions' next order of business needs to be upgrading the offensive line because Stafford's too important to them to keep taking these beatings. If he doesn't go down (again) they probably win. (Jets 23, Lions 20, OT)

Ah, Vikings special teams. Why does Derek Anderson look competent? Put the flag down, Childress; it's a fumble. Ah, crap. The Vikings need a touchdown here and I'm not sure why they're not attacking the spot Darnell Dockett just left. I'm also not sure why the ball is anywhere near Jeff freakin' Dugan on fourth and goal from the 1. To go 81 yards in 16 plays and get absolutely nothing out of it... if this is how it ends, it almost seems appropriate. Or not, ad Favre seems to have reached down, grabbed whatever he's got left, and decided that he's not going out like that. Not this soon, at least. Right in Shiancoe's basket! Jared Allen lives! OVERTIME. That was Favre's career-high passing yards game? I find that impossible to believe. The Cardinals blowing a 14-point lead with four minutes left, on the other hand... that just feels like order being restored. (Vikings 27, Cardinals 24, OT)

I AM ERIC MANGINI'S ULTIMATE REVENGE. I did not see the post-game coaches' greeting. Did Mangini walk by Belichick and flip him off? (Browns 34, Patriots 14)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brad Childress; 2. Jason Garrett; 3. The Seahawks' defense; 4. Wade Phillips; 5. Whoever the Chargers' special-teams coach has blackmail of

On the one hand, Reid's never lost after a bye week. On the other hand, Reid's never not been utterly demolished by Peyton Manning. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. Fun fact, kids: Michael Vick? No interceptions. What Colts uniforms are those? McCoy breaks off a 62-yarder on the first play from scrimmage, which means he'll get about nine more carries the whole game. The Eagles' red-zone offense looks like the Dolphins'. They also can't even cover backup tight ends. Seriously, Jacob Tamme is lighting them up. Oh man, Austin Collie's not moving at all. Here's the thing about that hit: At game speed, it's the right call because Hanson and Coleman hit him a split-second apart and it looks like Coleman led with his helmet. It's not until you slow it down that you see what actually happened — Hanson's hit bounced Collie into Coleman's path. Coleman wouldn't have hit Collie's helmet otherwise. Actually, the refs got that one wrong all the way around. That was a completed pass (as Collie caught the ball, turned upfield and took a step) and should have been a fumble. Also they called it on Mikell when he didn't deliver either hit. But that's not quite as important. This is Edge James' cousin, I've heard. I'm positive I've used the "I've seen fewer flags at the United Nations" line before but I'm breaking it out again because this is getting ridiculous for both sides. Bad challenge, Andy. Avant was out of bounds. Touchdown? Really? That's not even close. Throw that flag, Caldwell! Yeah, Vick didn't even sniff the goal line there. What's with the one guy trying to pull him backwards? I'm calling this right now: If the Eagles have to settle for another field goal here, they will lose. Well, Vick got that one. Is this game gonna end? When did the Yankees and Red Sox start playing football? OMG. That Punt, Pass, and Kick footage of Reid just blew my mind. Roughing the — how is THAT roughing the passer? Did he even touch Peyton because Peyton barely reacted to it, and he would have sold it like grim death if it was close enough. Am I the only one who thought, listening carefully to Phil Simms' opinion on that hit, that part of him really thinks it shouldn't have been called? Just from the way he said a few things. Touchdown Colts, and I will not be surprised at this point if the Eagles go ahead and blow it. The end around works twice in a row? How is that possible? Don't throw it, Mike! Remember the lessons of Drew Stanton! WOW you rarely see Peyton just airmail one like that. Ummm... I don't know what to say here. I've just witnessed a game the Eagles should have both won by 30 and lost, and they beat Peyton Manning for the first time ever doing it. I'm prepared for anything now. (Eagles 26, Colts 24)

And Chiefs-Raiders is still going on! Cable can't bench Campbell after this run, right? (Raiders 23, Chiefs 20, OT)

Collinsworth: "The Cowboys have gone back to basics, but they're basically bad." Is Clay Matthews already better than his dad ever was? (His dad — same name and position — was a baller in his own right, for those too young to remember.) Here's the only play you really need to see: On the James Jones touchdown, Mike Jenkins was bearing down on him, and once Jones caught the ball... Jenkins stopped and stood there and watched Jones run through two Cowboys attempting to tackle him and scored. There are no leaders on that roster. (Packers 45, Cowboys 7)

crosses off Bengals (Steelers 27, Bengals 21)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL Whiskey (4-5, W2): Used a rally on Monday night to beat Doom and move into a tie for seventh.

JackSux 7 (3-6, L1): It happened AGAIN! The first time I faced Johnny, he scored 157 points against me. This time, he scored 167.

RANKINGS

TOP 4:

1. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Defense leads the way again, as it should
2. N.Y. Jets (6-2) — Better to be lucky than good?
3. (tie) New England (6-2) — I know the Browns aren't historically bad anymore but... really? REALLY?
3. (tie) Indianapolis (5-3) — Marvin Harrison's a phone call away — and I'm not even kidding
3. (tie) Baltimore (6-2) — Not to be overlooked

BOTTOM 4:

29. Denver (2-6) — Should consider joining the WAC
30. Carolina (1-7) — A Tony Pike sighting? Dear Lord
31. Dallas (1-7) — Replacing Wade Phillips with Jason Garrett is like deciding you're tired of shooting yourself in the face with a .38 and switching to a .45
32. Buffalo (0-8) — Canada couldn't send them back fast enough