Showing posts with label Washington Redskins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Washington Redskins. Show all posts

Sunday, November 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Same Old, Same Old

I feel like we've been here before. Did Montee Ball get hurt and I don't remember it?




That was... ill-advised. Especially since Rivers hasn't missed many yet. Gates! Keenan Allen scored a touchdown! Stop the presses! This is an interesting call. Carey says fumble... and the on-field refs disagree. Oh well. That was damn near picked off. Jeez, make it any easier, why don't you. I don't know what they're looking at — that's a clean interception. I can read Philip Rivers  lips, and he is not praying. These audibles look panicked, Touchdown Broncos!  Or not? Good spot by either Nantz or whoever saw that. That was a quick review. Sanders again? Comparisons to Eric Decker (who he effectively replaced) keep popping up. The Other Brandon Marshall's been having a real hot stretch.
Floyd caught that! Wow. Allen needs longer cleats. That's at least the second time he's slipped. Good thing they picked that flag up or there would have been two questionable pass interference calls in the end zone on the same drive. Gates again! That felt like it took 36 plays. Don't run it out, Weddle. Jeez. And someone held anyway so it doesn't even count. This feels over — not that it matters but the Chargers have had no running game tonight. Until now, of course. GATES. They missed the field goal? Man, Rivers. Floyd was never open. Go somewhere else next time.




I think we can safely wrap this up. (Broncos 35, Chargers 21)


Tally-ho or something.

Really, any decision Ryan made at that point would have been a bad one — he just happened to choose the worst one. I mean, that was right out of the Book of Favre. On top of that, the Falcons have fumbled about eight times and somehow not lost a single one that I'm aware of. Lot of guys on this Lions offense you've never heard of. Theo Riddick? The Falcons aren't as close as they think they are. They still need about 10 more yards for a reasonable field goal attempt. And they get zero more yards. Splendid. Good punt, though. And in two plays the Lions are in Falcons territory. They're going to blow this, aren't they? DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Well, here we go. Seriously? He MISSED it? Oh, delay of game, which strangely helps the Lions here. And how does that even happen with the clock stopped? Also the snap was bad but really? IT'S GOOD. THE LIONS MADE A FIELD GOAL.




(Lions 22, Falcons 21)

 Signal Finder: SEA @ CAR, BAL @ CIN (end), PHI @ AZ

The Bears' defense has two good players on it, one of which blew out his knee celebrating a sack while down by 25 points. You can blame Jay Cutler for a lot of things, but this game is not one of them. (Patriots 51, Bears 23)


Newton didn't get that. And the spot is closer than I thought he got. They're going for it and I assume it's a Newton sneak. Yep and it's good. Benjamin needs to catch that. That goal-line sequence was... unproductive. What is Thomas Davis doing? Stop running! That was so obviously a pass. A bounce pass, but still a pass. This isn't a good idea either. And yet it worked! Bad snap, the line breaks down, and Newton still gets the first down. That fumble ruins another good Panthers drive. Fouts said it: Neither guy wanted to take the football. Here come the Seahawks? This is why getting so little out of those earlier drives hurts, especially against a team that's reeling. No one was anywhere near Kearse. Lynch lost yardage on that pass. Interception? Interception! Lynch has to catch that. Is he tanking? There have been some dumb turnovers in this game and that's another one.




Wilson just threw a knuckleball that was almost caught. Willson didn't catch that? Oh, Kuechly hit him and knocked the ball out. Lynch has been the worst of Seattle's running backs today — Turbin's completely outplayed him in every aspect. That's another blown quarterback-running back exchange. And that's a bad snap and it's Panthers ball. This game has been terrible. Sherman was back on the punt return? That's some desperation right there. Man, a safety deciding this would have been SO appropriate. BENJAMIN!! And yet again no one can get into the end zone. Russ has this look on his face like "I'm going to have to do this myself again, aren't I?" OH MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN. Harper's hit knocked Willson into the end zone. Another sack! That's it., right? Who called THAT play? (Seahawks 13, Panthers 9)

Oh, Andy Dalton. You're so confounding. That's pretty blatant OPI. A screen pass on 4th and 20, Ravens? That's the same play the Panthers called on 4th and 25. And we all saw how well that worked out. (Bengals 27, Ravens 24)




How in God's name were the Jets favored? I mean, they were only favored by three and odds include a three-point advantage for the home team but they should have been a 12-point dog. Vegas doesn't know everything, people. (Bills 43, Jets 23)

Roof is CLOSED. Is this game in slow motion? The Cardinals are already burning time outs? Myers: "The officials, so far, have been the stars of this game." Well they're the only ones who've done anything. Don't jump. Don't jump. Christ. Wait, that one was on the Cardinals? Why are they punting? You're indoors! That's a big break for the Eagles. Foles beat the blitz and Matthews only had one guy to worry about. Good throw there. Sounds like there's some Eagles fans in the house. I've noticed that Foles always rolls left. The Eagles stay running screens like bosses. Maclin is the anti-DeSean in many ways, including touchdown celebration dances.




And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. This'll be an interesting spot. The Cardinals are going for it because I guess they figure they'll need touchdowns. Got it. And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. Matthews dropped that — it'll be incomplete. Not a particularly effective hold by Peterson. A defense with that guy on it should be better against the pass than this. The hell just happened?





And now the Cardinals are at midfield because no one saw the ball and Cole got flagged for roughing the passer.



I see you, Cooper. What's this challenge now? Also, that's a weak roughing the passer on the Honey Badger. I mean, Foles didn't even bother selling it, that's how bad it was. Now the Cardinals are out of challenges. Oh dear. Bucannon got Maclin with his helmet (which is why it flew off). They're still down. Hey, Foles rolled left. The Cardinals are blitzing like crazy now, and with Cromartie going off, it may continue. Earl Wolff just got steamrolled on that kickoff. I'm... I'm not even surprised any more. The pick wouldn't have mattered. Fitzgerald has made his career on tearing the Eagles to shreds. Does McCoy ever run straight ahead? This has been a strange series. It's gone from bad calls to bad non-calls. Parkey from 54? Good!




That touchdown to Maclin was pretty much perfection. Foles bought time and dropped it in the bucket. The interception, on the other hand... The Cardinals' goal-to-go offense looks like the Eagles'. So. Many. Penalties. Does this play calling seem odd to anyone else? I'm surprised they haven't tried play action here. NOW what do you do? And they've got the whole two-minute warning to think about it. They're kicking the field goal. OK. What.. What.. How? HOW?!?!?! HOW DO YOU LET THAT HAPPEN MY GOD THIS SECONDARY IS THE HOTTEST GARBAGE. Barber: "I don't know how that happened." I'll tell you how it happened, Ronde: You could put on an Eagles jersey right now and you'd be their best defensive back. Always the Cardinals. ALWAYS the Cardinals. YOU HAD ONE JOB. ONE FREAKING JOB.




I don't even care about this last drive because it's not going to work BECAUSE THE FOOTBALL CARDINALS HAVE THE SAME DEVIL MAGIC THE BASEBALL CARDINALS DO, BUT IT ONLY WORKS ON THE EAGLES. (Cardinals 24, Eagles 20)

DAMN YOU PRISON JERSEYS. DAMN YOU. The Steelers' offense isn't the Bengals'. Luck had been red hot but that was a bad pass. That, on the other hand, was a good one. No. 10 got lost in the coverage. The touchdown to Allen was a bullet. That throw to Bryant was so telegraphed and yet so perfect at the same time. Encroachment on a field goal? That's... not good. Pagano is furious.  How did Brown get his hands on that ball to catch it? Phil Sims called Greg Toler one-half of the best cornerback tandem in the NFL, proof that jet lag is real. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger has been a machine this half. Of course, this also means Luck has them right where he wants them. Hilton spun away and got open at the last second. I mean, the Colts might want to find someone who can cover Brown. Also, the Steelers might want to find someone who can cover Hilton. If Luck had gone right he might have made it. That first half was a bum rush. It keeps going! This Martavis Bryant needs to be the Steelers' No. 2 guy ASAP. Hey, Bradshaw scored on an actual run. Who is Donte Moncrief? How did the NBA Live NPCs get into this game? Also I should point out here that the Colts have made this a one-score game and I told you Luck had them right where he wanted them. That flag was in the end zone, wasn't it? What a buzzkill. Roethlisberger just hornswaggled the Colts defense. (Steelers 51, Colts 34)


Did Corey White wear that hat indoors? THAT didn't take long. I don't like the Saints' chances tonight — the only game their defense hasn't been pathetic in was the Vikings win after the Adrian Peterson thing broke. I've said before that commercial bumpers for games in New Orleans should be nothing but street musicians. Brandin Cooks! The Saints have been waiting for that kid. And Eddie Lacy comes right back with a 67-yarder. Packers got a little too tricky with that pass to Peppers. Well that completely backfired.






An onside kick? The hell is McCarthy doing? Hey, good job covering Colston. This may be Colts-Steelers but closer. "These defenses aren't too bad either." No, Cris, they're terrible. Field goals? Come on, guys. Hey a Jimmy Graham sighting! Ingram got smoked. Of course, the Saints were in that no-man's land where you don't love any of your 4th and short options. Rodgers is unhappy about something. Oh, he grabbed his leg. Interception off of a deflection. Now it's the Packers' turn to give up a bunch of big plays. Rodgers probably wishes that series had lasted longer.




The Packers are going to go for this? I mean, it worked earlier. Not even close. Graham!  That felt inevitable. Another forward progress deal? OK. This looks like the end. Rodgers weirdly walked in to the end zone there. You don't often see two terrible onside kicks in the same game but this is where we are. I mean, that one went BACKWARDS. Ingram's run ices it. I didn't think the Packers' defense would end up being the worst one on the field tonight but you can't predict this stuff. (Saints 44, Packers 23)

I'm always up for a good instrumental anthem. Especially after... last night. Harris ran into his own man on that punt return. Wait, now what? I understand nothing.




Hey, there's DeSean beating a Cowboys defensive back. That's never happened before. Unsportsmanlike conduct for that? That seems like a misapplication of the term.




Jesus, Tony, snap the damn ball. And they still didn't pick up the blitz. And Murray's left completely uncovered. Good job, everyone. /sarcasm Dez just fought three guys to score that touchdown. They need to pay that dude. Lot of interesting interpretations of the rules going on here tonight. Any reason DeSean's not getting flagged here? Oh, they both did. I only saw the tail end of that. Those Morris stats with or without Griffin do say something also. Didn't seem to bother him there, though. This has been a surprisingly low-scoring game. Romo almost got victimized by a knockdown there. He just took a SHOT. He's down. Took a knee to the back. That was actually good for the Cowboys that that wasn't a fumble... it may buy them a little time. But not that much.






It's Brandon Weeden time. And that is ALL he needs to do.




That's good coverage by that kid twice on Dez. The Cowboys can't tackle. We've seen far too much of Colt McCoy's parents tonight. Quarterback draw for a touchdown!





That fumble's on Weeden. Nice screen. Real nice. Someone got a sweet block downfield. Hey, nice coverage on Witten, Redskins! One thing I've noticed tonight is McCoy hasn't hit Jackson in stride once. Romo's back in the game? At his own 3? This is moronic.





This has to end with a pick, right? That works, too. Wait, the Cowboys got it back? They can now review this and they're finally going to after 15 seconds ran off the clock. And how was that not intercepted??? They're running out of time, though. "Dork Elvis?" Romo gets cadence calls from Bill Simmons nicknames? That's intentional grounding. I'd have had DeSean back there to return that punt but that's me. Overtime. Excellent catch on the sideline by Jordan Reed. The Redskins have moved the ball on this drive. There's the field goal.




The Cowboys have looked utterly discombobulated since Romo came back in. They deserved this loss.


Also, somebody won a bet. (Redskins 20, Cowboys 17, OT)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Denver (6-1) — It's an easy game, this football
2. Arizona (6-1) — When you've got it, you've got it
3. New England (6-2) — Oh shit, son...
4. Dallas (6-2) — Dr. Jones in the house?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-6) — Just gave up on a former top-10 pick
30. Jacksonville (1-7) — Well that was short-lived
31. N.Y. Jets (1-7) — So long, Geno
32. Oakland (0-7) — At least Derek Carr isn't terrible
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Sunday, October 26, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Lower Management

Oh, Jets. Why do you make it so easy so many times? Their radio guys are... less than enthused. That was a long way to go for that. The Jets can't afford to settle for field goals tonight. As I say that, field goals end up giving them the lead. But only temporarily. Whoa, Sheldon Richardson's in the backfield. A Jets touchdown! Stop the presses! Wait, Gostkowski MADE that? I was sure that was wide left. Geno is down. That... didn't look good. So all that and he only misses one play? That's fortunate, I guess. Maybe he's a really good actor. Danny Amendola LIVES!




We've seen the Jets put together some quality drives tonight but they need a touchdown here. These receivers are highly substandard. Touchdown Jets! That... probably should have worked. I mean, it had a chance.







And what's scary about that is that his explanation almost made sense. Good job by the Jets' offensive players getting out of bounds. They have just enough time to get one more quick pass off. And that's exactly how you do that if nobody's open. Dump it as quickly as possible. 58 yards? Let's see. BLOCKED! That kick looked low. And it was.




I thought that name sounded familiar. (Patriots 27, Jets 25)

Speaking of the Jets, they finally got the alleged playmaker they so desperately needed... about six months too late:




And really, though: Percy Harvin played for Pete Carroll in a state where marijuana is legal and he still couldn't find any chill? This dude needs a shrink.

Signal Finder: CIN @ IND, CAR @ GB, SEA @ STL (2nd half), TEN @ WSH (end), NYG @ DAL

That was an... unfortunate sequence of events for the Panthers. Once Nelson made the move it was over. The Panthers can't stop anything right now. That one was just too easy. The Panthers can't get out of their own way. This'll be over quickly if they can't get sorted. JEBUS. I see why Kuechly's the Panthers' leading tackler — he's the only one who can. Finally, the Panthers are doing things. That's kind of a stupid penalty. At least they survived it. The irony there is a better throw gets intercepted. Lacy didn't even gain any more yards and the Panthers still couldn't bring him down. Then they jump offsides on 3rd down and Lacy uses the shorter distance to break one. There's nothing the Panthers can do. Touchdown to Cobb and this may be a wrap. I'm just gonna assume that "AARON SAYS RELAX" T-shirts are massive sellers in Wisconsin right now. Hey, a stop. This is the Panthers' best drive of the day and they're not even at midfield. Good catch by Benjamin to go up and get it. They need points here. That'll do, I guess. The Panthers have clearly rethought things. Newton with the sneak on 4th and 1... and they don't get it. Aaaand we're headed to St. Louis. (Packers 38, Panthers 17)

So both the Bears and the Buccaneers chose the wrong quarterback? Good to know. (Dolphins 27, Bears 14)


Is the referee putting his contact lens back in? He is! I find that strangely reassuring. So that was a fumble after all. Leon Hall just dropped a pick-six. I don't know where Luck was going with that, either. Careful with those legs, Burfict. That's a good stand by the Bengals — you make Luck run twice in a goal-to-go situation, you'll take that. Every time I've seen the Bengals this year, Gresham hasn't been getting any separation from defenders. Bradshaw! Good job atoning for the fumble earlier. It seems like Trent Richardson's finally starting to figure it out. Another fumble? Bad handoff. Man, as soon as I said it. Of course, the Bengals can't get anything going. A lot happened on that pass to Bernard — was it backwards? Was that hit legal?




Fleener couldn't have seen that; that's the only reason he didn't go get it. Did somebody just get run? Oh, yeah, you can't touch the refs. This may not  be the best time to point out that the Colts are hitting everything in front of them but they are. I'd be shocked if the Bengals' total yards after the catch was more than 10. I'm surprised Allen stayed inbounds. The Bengals are getting overwhelmed on offense. it really does feel like they should be down 30 with how little production they've gotten. This should be a touchdown. Yep — the guy tackling Bradshaw grabbed him by his knee, keeping it from hitting the ground. Dude has six touchdown catches. Sanu! That's the first play the Bengals have made and there's 11 minutes left. They didn't get ANY points? Lord. To D.C.! (Colts 27, Bengals 0)




There was no fair catch signal. Carroll can complain all he wants. A Seahawk slipped on that Cunningham 3rd down run that didn't get there. That is terrible edge defense by the Rams. How do you let Russell Wilson break off a 52-yarder? Offensive holding takes away a touchdown and Lynch's only good run today. That's... a touchdown. Who's this dude? Number three tight end? I'm not a fan of the empty backfield on the two-point conversion, even with a quarterback who can run. I think it limits your options. And it didn't work. Chris Givens? Let me tell you something: I don't want to say if Austin Davis is good or not, but he isn't bad. Did this break the plane? Yes! The problem the Rams had last week was they couldn't sustain it for four quarters. This week they just might. If... IF they can stop this drive, which they haven't yet. How did Kearse get that open? Then he ran through the coverage. Bad tackling by the Rams on the Baldwin touchdown. FAKE PUNT!!!! If nothing else, it bought the Rams some yardage. Best case, it might end the game.




Why did Fisher call time out? Fumble? Who's got it? That's a clean fumble. No way to tell.




Rams ball! That's it! Wow. Carroll looks stunned.




(Rams 28, Seahawks 26)




I don't think we could have expected Colt McCoy to be the one to end the Kirk Cousins era but here we are. Offsetting penalties? So much for that big DeSean catch. That is blatant interference — McCourty's hanging on for dear life, as Harlan described it. Stop yapping, DeSean. How did he not get flagged there? Field goal up. Field goal good. And Colt McCoy has as many wins this season as Kirk Cousins does. (Redskins 19, Titans 17)


Well, Brees looks like he's back. Great catch and body control by that guy to give the Lions the lead. So Brees cooled off in the fourth? Look, if you make him run, that's a win. And there's your stop.




Apparently no one. (Lions 24, Saints 23)

Why so mad, Giants? Three straight runs. Interesting. Fine coverage by the Giants on Escobar. did they forget he was on the field? Antrel Rolle was going in the opposite direction. Also, Romo had three days to throw that ball. Chronicle the saga of the Giants' new offense, won't you, Thom Brenneman? I feel like Giants fans had gotten fed up with Gilbride's predictable scheme and wanted something new.




Well this is interesting. The ground caused that fumble but I don't know about that spot. Now, did Garrett challenge after they measured? It's short. Giants going for it? I'd have the quarterback sneak banked just in case drawing them offsides goes wrong. Aaand it's a false start so it doesn't matter. How are you gonna fine a guy who clearly can't afford underwear? I kid, I kid, the NFL rookie scale is pretty good. The Giants are misfiring in the passing game again. Big pickup by Donnell. They're going for it again? And throwing into double coverage? Pass interference? OK. Hey an Andre Williams sighting. Carr holds Beckham and he still scores. Romo just barely escaped calamity there. Dez fell down is why that interception happened. That return by Prince, though. Murray popped him one at the end to knock him out of bounds. Touchdown Giants.




Careful, DeMarco — you've never played a full season in the NFL. I mean, Romo has so much time at times behind this line. I don't understand the last three minutes of this half. ELI MOTORING. That should have been a fumble. That drive was kind of a waste. Hey, Murray's back in. You have to actually tackle Dez. Romo led Escobar pretty much perfectly on that touchdown.  Aikman's talking about how these quick wide receiver screens didn't work for the Seahawks last week, either. Another wasted drive by the Giants. WHOA that's bright. Romo just said "double move" and then they ran the ball. I'd have gone for it, Garrett. The Giants can't stop them right now. Charissa's report about the sunlight coming in through the usually-closed doors has me thinking of The Hunt For Red October. "Those doors, sir, are the problem." Fumble! Cowboys ball. Pretty much the same thing that happened earlier on the Bradshaw run that they didn't give the Cowboys the ball on. Dez!! They're gonna give him that? Nah, he's down at about the 3. Or the 1. It's all semantics, really. I feel like Eli's had a good game but it won't matter in the end. Well, they've got something cooking here, at least. I mean, this is what this offense is now, especially with no Cruz. Beckham scores and for the moment, we have a game. This is how you run a four-minute drive, and Bailey's not going to miss this field goal. (Cowboys 31, Giants 21)




Dockett's already out for the season. What's he got to lose? (Cardinals 24, Raiders 13)

Those aren't the 49ers' regular left guard and center either. That was easy enough. This would be the place to try a 51-yarder with a 39-year-old kicker, you know. Not even close. That's good concentration by Sanders. Peyton just faked everybody out on that pass to Welker. He's tied! Been quite a few sacks already tonight. Is there any ball Boldin can't catch? Yeah, that's interference, and not good interference, as Boldin caught it before it got knocked out of his hands. Well I guess there's one ball Boldin can't catch.




I have no idea why Harbaugh's challenging this — he's gonna lose 15 yards on the penalty regardless.
That is also a penalty. Peyton fell down after that play fake and for a split second I thought he was going to try to throw it from his back. Wrong Thomas, Peyton. Good job by NBC going to the PA for the announcement.










The Niners are wasting all kinds of time here. I feel like they were unjustly rewarded for that.
Not a good throw by Kaepernick. And Peyton cashes in IMMEDIATELY. The 49ers corners aren't good. And really, they're just outmanned in general tonight and will be until they get some key guys back. Now the Broncos are continuing a 15-year or so tradition of running the ball effectively with guys you've never heard of. Al and Cris are flipping coins up in the booth. Osweiler's in. Were those his career numbers? Also, I see Blaine Gabbert is still crap.




Look, a good prank requires proper planning. Any episode of Night Court should have taught you that. (Broncos 42, 49ers 17)

YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE. Good Lord, I apologize. That's what the Texans needed and the Steelers didn't. Ben didn't even hold on to the ball all that long — Mercilus was just on him that quickly. Also, Watt straight up abused DiCostanzo. The Steelers' defense is just too old. That's... that's a hell of a metaphor by Timmons just now.




You know who's good is DeAndre Hopkins. I'd go for this if I were the Texans. You've got Arian Foster. And that's how you do that. Watt is unblockable. You know a guy who doesn't get talked about anymore is Brian Cushing, who looked really slow trying to run down Bell just then. Whoa! Someone blew a coverage. This is that kid's debut, I believe. Good start. Wait, is this a fumble? They're looking closely at it. Steelers ball! That did NOT deserve to work. And Fitzpatrick just threw an interception! Timmons is having a rough night. That pass hit him in the head. Touchdown to Bell! JEBUS.










Flea flicker? Shame that didn't amount to anything. Now the Texans are pinned deep. Nice job moving the ball and getting out of there. This is getting overturned — Moore was rather clearly down. Though I do find it interesting that the original call was that the Texans player had stepped out of bounds after picking the ball up. You know who's still good is Andre Johnson. I mean, that's a catch. It's not NOT a catch. THIS one, on the other hand... where's that second foot? Man, I don't know. That's as close as it gets. Oh my God, Hopkins, that was terrible. Tirico's right — why are the Steelers throwing here? The Texans somehow have no time outs left. Is Jim Harbaugh coaching tonight? And here's why... the Texans just went down the field on your defense and there's still 1:45 left. You'd better recover this awful onside kick. Good job. (Steelers 30, Texans 23)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Dallas (6-1) — I mean... there's really no denying it
2. Denver (5-1) — A self-assured bunch
3. Arizona (5-1) — Another easy victory
4. Green Bay (5-2) — Sneaking up on everyone

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — No team in the league has allowed more points
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Nice first win for the Jags
31. N.Y. Jets (1-6) — I'm guessing Harvin won't much like it here, either
32. Oakland (0-6) — Hit new low getting trolled by an injured guy
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Friday, October 10, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Seriously, By The Pigskin Of Their Teeth

GREEN BAY WEATHER. Ponder! This situation played out oddly similarly to the playoff game a few years ago against these Packers, even, when he got scratched suddenly at about 4 o'clock and nobody at ESPN - who has his wife on their payroll - knew why. Two Lacy runs have the Packers in the red zone. Cobb has six touchdowns already? Peppers! Dude can still outrun most of the other guys on the field.




Cobb might get six more touchdowns in this game.







Apparently I missed Nantz saying what needed to be said about the foolishness surrounding Bridgewater's pro day. How did this dude lose his helmet trying to tackle Lacy? This is turning into a familiar pattern and I'm rapidly losing interest. Ponder's still in? I'm amazed. I wouldn't want to add any more tape to this reel. He ran for a touchdown! And he looked panicked doing so. I look forward to the "College Football Ponderings" podcast with him and his wife next year. Look, guys, I'm watching Arizona-Oregon and baseball now. Seriously, Vikings? A field goal? Walsh is my kicker on two of my fantasy teams and I hope he bricks this just to teach you people a lesson. (Packers 42, Vikings 10)

Signal Finder: STL @ PHI, HOU @ DAL (end), BAL @ IND (end), TB @ NO (OT), CLE @ TEN (end), NYJ @ SD

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: THEY DID IT AGAIN! James Casey with the block this time. That's pretty  much the worst possible start for the Rams. Three incompletions and THAT.




The Rams haven't called a run yet and they might want to consider it at some point, y'know, just because. That 3rd down pass to Ertz was dangerous as hell. Great job by him to get open and grab it. Davis slid too early. That pass interference bailed Foles out of this drive. He's been facing a lot of pressure too. So this is where Kenny Britt ended up. Zac Stacy carried Williams for about six more yards. That wasn't a catch by Cook? Oh, the ball came out. I'm amazed that play action is still working for the Eagles as bad as their running game has been. McCoy did everything wrong there, including coughing up the ball at the end of that.




A touchdown here would be huge for the Rams. That... was the opposite. They didn't block anyone on that sack. McCoy runs right past another hole. There was no opening on that interception — the coverage was too tight. Williams had no idea that pass was headed to Britt. Davis ran 15 yards backwards and still found a receiver for a touchdown. THAT'S the LeSean McCoy we need. Foles got good protection from the middle of the line on the lob to Matthews. Cooper! That's the kind of pass he caught last year and hadn't been catching this year. That seems to have woken Shady up — he hasn't run with this kind of purpose in weeks. Illegal block in the back on a kick return. Happens every time. Moose is as baffled as my mom is. That was wild! Cole got the sack and tipped the ball out of Davis' hand, then Jake Long missed a chance to recover it and Cedric Thornton rolled into the end zone. Davis is hurt again. Who's his backup? Didn't they pick up Case Keenum? Is it him? Thornton with another fumble recovery! Foles missed Matthews but found Maclin easily. This may be a wrap. Or maybe not as Cunningham found a running lane — he's been one of the three beat Rams today — and scores untouched. Someone teach Foles to slide. That would have been good coverage if Fletcher had any idea the ball was coming. Oh well, neither of those guys will be here next year anyway. This is ridiculous. It's a six-point game for absolutely no good reason.




That punt was massive. I know I'm just getting to this but it seems like the Rams have about nine wide receivers active. And they've been looking for two for years. Quick's had a huge day. Pettis, on the other hand... That's a delay of game. That's... not even close. Again, NOT SUSTAINABLE. (Eagles 34, Rams 28)

This touchdown for the Browns will not count. Oops, that's my fault — he did get both feet down. At full speed it looked like he didn't. Charlie Whitehurst? What's with that bad ponytail? That sack may have killed the Titans' last chance. Yeah, that's not gonna work. (Browns 29, Titans 28)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 2: Saints 37, Buccaneers 31 (OT)

Light these fools up, Rivers. See? The Jets' corners are worse than the Eagles. Don't even call a running play. Just keep throwing it. Like that. Chris Ivory has become the Jets' best offensive skill player. Rivers sailing down the field again. Wow, these Jets corners suck.




How did that guy intercept that pass? There was a three-way collision in the end zone and No. 24 somehow ended up with it.  Did the Jets just fumble this away? I'm amazed that wasn't a face mask. But what was it? He just ripped dude's helmet off. Look, that would've happened anyway. And offensive holding nullifies the touchdown. Flags everywhere! The one to Gates should stand — he dragged one leg outside the end zone before going in. Rivers and this rookie Oliver just ran the Frank Gore play from last week. Dude just gashed the Jets' supposed great run defense.




Well, here comes Vick, for whatever it's worth. Y'know, there ARE shades of the last prominent guy to wear No. 43 for the Chargers. Another touchdown pass. Put Geno back in, but at defensive back. I mean, you can't headbutt a guy. I think the Jets offense has gotten worse since Vick came in, if that's even possible. The Jets' defense held! (the Chargers to a field goal.) That's a win! The other problem is CBS really can't switch games here because Chiefs-49ers is eight minutes ahead of this one and will probably end first. Sweet merciful CRAP. (Chargers 31, Jets 0)

Bad day in Detroit, yo. Turns out the E.J. Manuel benching was premeditated:




The Lions need a kicker again, got beat on the last play of the game, the Tigers got swept out of the playoffs, and Jim Schwartz is still a dick. (Bills 17, Lions 14; Orioles 2, Tigers 1 (3-0))

Uh-oh, Brady's pissed off. Sick play fake. Yep. Like Collinsworth said, this team was angry. The Bengals are coming right back with Creativity and Panache. But not nearly enough as the field goal ended up short. What? Oh, 50,000 yards. I didn't get the reference and thought someone had won a prize or something. Also, a Gronk sighting, by the way.




Lot of upset people in this building right now. Wait, what happened? Danny Amendola's hurt? SHOCKING. Not sure I like that pass interference on Nelson. Now the Bengals are lobbying for intentional grounding and that may have been the right call.  LOUD NOISES! The Bengals need points on this drive. That won't help. Now what? It took them that long to signal a false start? I'm shocked the Bengals punter didn't get killed there. I'd let him hit me, honestly. Try to draw a flag. Dalton's looked awful. What is this, the playoffs? That's incomplete — Sanu never had possession. That ball went right through Gresham's hands. Maybe Dennard should stop holding people. 4th and 2? I'd go for this. So that's a catch, and Revis forced the fumble, and Collins recovered it, then he lost it and someone else picked it up. I don't get why it's different inside two minutes, though.




And good luck selling a lateral when the guy's horizontal and in midair. Oh, that's what that is? I keep forgetting I've only actually seen it once. Ladies and gentlemen: the reason for that rule... the "Holy Roller."



Man, Gresham had a shot at that one, too. Hey, a Pacman Jones sighting. That's the biggest play the Bengals have had all night. Until THAT. Wow, that sure turned around fast.




Mason Ryan has zero shot against A.J. Green. None. He'd have zero shot against A.C. Green. This game's still in the third quarter? The Pats could go for 50 just to make a statement and Belichick's the kind of salty bastard who would (and has). How the hell is Dane Sanzenbacher on an NFL roster? This... should have been expected. (Patriots 43, Bengals 17)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 3: Are those microchips on the Redskins' collars? Yeah, where is Lynch? So they ran on 3rd down, but that may not have been the run Gruden thought they'd do. Did Russell Wilson just stiff-arm a dude? THAT was quick. Wilson floated it between two guys and Kearse walked in. Lynch looks fine now. Shame the run didn't count. Wilson again! 102 rushing yards in the first quarter. And I think the Seahawks have only thrown three passes.




Gruden's got a point. Where do you put the ball against this defense? The Seahawks center is struggling. Just get the ball away.




Wait, who did they even call that false start on? Good thing the Redskins can do absolutely nothing tonight. Wilson threw that across the field and it landed perfectly for the tight end. There's another run and this time he'll score. That didn't take long. As good as Kam Chancellor is he can't run with DeSean. Jailbreak blitz! Good job taking advantage, Redskins. Harvin's not returning that punt?






Smart of WWE to hold off on bringing Rock out until halftime.

DeSean doesn't usually shrug off contact like that. Good throw by Cousins, too. That QB sneak didn't work? I'm okay with kicking it here. Tangentially Related Aside: They've really gotta do some major reshoots on these college football playoff "It's gonna come down to the game" ads. The Florida game means nothing to no one. I feel like this game is only close because of penalties. Because, really, it is — the Seahawks have had two touchdown nullified by flags. We got some chippiness here. Seriously, why is Harvin off punt returns?




That's a third touchdown taken off the board by a penalty. The Seahawks offensive line is having a terrible night. Is that legal? Wilson may have crossed the line of scrimmage there or got real close to it. Gruden's challenging this and he may have a case. AH, so his whole body has to be across the line. This is the Eli play from a few years back, right? Did it rain down there today? Lynch didn't make it. FAKE FIELD GOAL!!!!




ANOTHER Seahawks penalty? Insanity. That one got where Lynch wanted it to go. Meanwhile, Bruce Irvin has spent all night having his way with whoever the Redskins try to block him with. Nice suit, Dr. Andrews. How did Roberts get that open? Redskins having trouble tackling again. Wow! That was magical.  (Seahawks 27, Redskins 17)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. (tie) San Diego (4-1) — Off to a much better start this time around
1. (tie) Seattle (3-1) — Wilson taking next step?
3. Denver (3-1) — Defensive dollars paying dividends
4. Arizona (3-1) — Playing well despite missing key parts

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tennessee (1-4) — Will need a quarterback next year
30. N.Y. Jets (1-4) — Same, probably
31. Jacksonville (0-5) — Still woefully short on talent
32. Oakland (0-4) — Get the "edge" because of how they fired their coach
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Saturday, September 27, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Stuck In a Craw

Devin Hester is still good at his job. The Buccaneers' new white uniforms are somewhat less offensive to my sensibilities than the black ones. Wait 'til you see those monstrosities.


Why is Steven Jackson still viable? He's like 206. Oh, Gerald McCoy's out? That explains all of this blood. Why is Kroy Biermann running downfield with a running back? The Bucs' punter just saved a touchdown. SO, wait, there were two flags? Whatever. Should've done that the first time. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO. Man, Jackson's speed is gone. How did he get around the corner? I guess we're not covering Julio Jones tonight. The kick returner just got steamrolled. That's not a fumble? Whatever. That was too easy. The Josh McCown Experiment has been an utter failure so far. Wait, I missed another touchdown? Oh, Hester struck? All right.
Another fantastic catch by Jones in traffic. At least they covered him this time. This fumble scrum is turning into a fight. Buccaneers ball! That went well. Hester AGAIN.


McCown's hurt? I wouldn't bother at this point.


Yeah, here's Glennon. Mike Evans just ran 10 yards backwards after that catch. The sad thing about this field goal is Bryant's not even showing off here. He just missed it wide.


Glennon needs to run faster if he's going to do that. Jones is out here murdering fools. And now a bad snap leads to Falcons ball at the 1. Jackson fought like a madman to get that touchdown.


T.J. Yates lives! WELP. The Bucs have straight given up. Seriously, why are they already replacing the Georgia Dome? At least they're not punting here. They scored! Whoa, Yates just threw a pick-six, and because of that, despite everything else, the Tampa Bay defense probably still got you positive fantasy points tonight. raises hand He does that six more times and we've got a game. How are there still six minutes left? (Falcons 56, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI; DEN @ SEA

It's oddly misty out there. Joe Buck shouting out Tone Loc is frightening. There's DeSean with a catch and he gets booed. SERIOUSLY?!?!? DeSean clearly shoves Nate Allen first and Allen gets flagged? That's some bullshit right there. The makeup call wasn't much better, either. So we're looking for a hands to the face? Oh, the guy's helmet came off. Try covering Young near the goal line next time. Well I guess Chris Polk's healthy. Three other guys followed him into the tunnel.


FOX has this thing now on their ticker where they have a yellow line next to the arrow for possession and it doesn't look that good. The Eagles' defense is offering zero resistance. Fletcher's been getting lit up like Williams usually does. I hate the squib kick. FINALLY the Eagles go on offense. So Sproles loses his footing, fumbles, and there's a holding penalty on top of it. Perfection. And Cousins still hasn't missed. But I repeat myself. OH MY GOD A STOP ON THIRD DOWN.




Oh, Kelce. You didn't need to do anything there. But like Aikman said, dude was stride for stride with Maclin, for God's sake. Nice job, Cooper. Washington will challenge this for no reason. Ertz! Just as Buck starts talking up the Redskins defense Matthews catches them napping. Good job showing up, rook. How did Garcon catch that? And why did Cousins throw it there when he knows the double coverage is coming? Fletcher's having a terrible game. It's the Jordan Matthews Show all of a sudden. Foles should have eaten that. Matthews again! Did he get his feet down? Sick throw into traffic by Foles, too. Now Kelce's hurt? Oh boy. Italian Market B-roll? That's different. That pass interference may have saved a touchdown, actually — Matthews catches that otherwise and he maybe wins that race. I'd have run it on 3rd and 3 but that's me. A three-and-out! Now Erin's saying that they're looking at Jason Peters on the sideline also. Two minutes later they throw the flag for a face mask on Sproles. And they called it a horse collar? Is this a Pac-12 crew? Now Foles is dinged?



Sproles just does things, man. We got a roughing call? Aikman sounds like he doesn't really like it. McCoy is really struggling this season so far. So Chip's challenging the run after the catch. Forcing a third down! Sweet! I think. Cousins has missed a few throws in the second half. Sproles just got tripped up or that had potential. Aaand that's what we were all afraid of. Also Cousins had three days to throw that pass. Williams is mad at somebody on the sideline. He should be mad at himself for missing the tackle.


Here's the thing, and anyone who roots for a team can relate to this: You have your favorite teams that you like, maybe even love. You root for them all the time, through good and bad, thick and thin. But you have favorite players; guys you like more than other guys. And then there's that one guy that every team has (and yes, every team has this player) that, for some reason, you just don't like that much. The guy who's just hard to root for. The reason rarely matters but always varies -- maybe he's just not good, maybe bad things happen whenever he's prominently involved, maybe he's very good but does maddening things every so often, maybe his personality just drives you nuts, maybe you think he should be better than he is. For me, and for the Eagles, DeSean was that guy. When he got cut, I thought, "They're going to miss him on the field. This doesn't make any sense. But at least we don't have to put up with all of his other crap any more." Of course, then he signed with Washington (and don't underestimate that part of this particular equation) and we learned we would have to put up with all of his other crap. That's why he's getting booed so gleefully even though we'll never know what he did wrong... because cheering him was just too much work.

Back in the immediate moment, the other problem is the Eagles' offensive line is just running out of guys and Foles is taking hits. "Tress Way"? That's a name? That's something a human being is called? The Eagles' secondary has been bad today but, again, they've gotten absolutely no pass rush on Cousins. CLANG! Off the upright and NO GOOD. Oh boy... Foles is down again, he threw an interception, and now there's a brawl on the field. Well, that's not an interception. Foles got plastered after the fact and that's what started the fisticuffs.



Wait, how did Trent Williams get thrown out, too? Baker got tossed, and rightfully so. So did they mean to throw out Peters? Because that would make... somewhat more sense. OK, so Peters is out.



NEW AUDIENCE. Y'all just missed some foolishness, by the way. This feels like we're headed for overtime. The Eagles should win this challenge — Maclin's knee was down. Yep. They get a free spin, too! MACLIN!! Was that Meriweather he beat? Foles is having the kind of game that'll get these fans behind him. Jenkins with the interception! Now seems like a good time to point out that Andy would have completely abandoned the run three quarters ago. Feels like that's the first time we've seen Helu all day. That didn't take long.



Onside kick? I say no. Three-and-out was the last thing the Eagles needed. That holding penalty wiped out a good punt and forced a bad one on the rekick. A turnover would be helpful. Seriously, why doesn't Boykin start? Cousins missed Garcon and the Eagles will somehow hold. Now to run clock. They need a first down. James Casey lives! That's the end of that. (Eagles 37, Redskins 34)




REMATCH. Well, at least the Broncos got their first play off this time.




Did the Seahawks steal that pass to the quarterback play from the Bengals earlier? And Wilson took a shot. That's not a touchdown from Lynch. The Broncos are already off to a better start than the last time this happened. It helps the Broncos that they've gotten some guys back since then and added some new ones. That third-down stat for the Seahawks defense is amazing(-ly bad). Good throw by Wilson on the touchdown to Lockette. And another Broncos turnover as Demaryius Thomas loses the fumble. Unless he didn't catch it in the first place. This is why I need to be commissioner, I'd simplify SO MUCH of this stuff. That was odd... Baldwin caught the ball, made the one guy miss, then everyone else just stopped and he gained about seven more yards. Touchdown Lynch and this is starting to feel familiar. The Broncos can't get down the field. I mean, they're trying this time at least. They just can't do it. Hauschka missed that? Weird. This game seems like it's going by fast. How did Wilson not lose that fumble? Did he lose it? SAFETY and that looked doomed from the get-go. Tip interception by the Broncos. Peyton finds Julius Thomas and we've got a game, maybe. Intercepted by Chancellor! That might be it. Hauschka's not even going to get to kick this, is he? Oh, it's 4th down. Never mind. Let's see if this works. Someone got their wires crossed when those two Seahawks collided. I don't wanna get hit by Kam Chancellor. This all looks like the same play. Touchdown! That dude's still got it. Going for two here. Thomas! They're taking an awful long time to look at this. I mean, even I figured it out after the second or third watch. Count it and we're tied!




The Seahawks will sit on this. "Good afternoon." It's STILL afternoon, dude. Tarvaris Jackson's in on the coin toss? Seahawks not all that interested in throwing the ball downfield, but why should they be? It's death by a thousand cuts right now.




Wilson's been their best runner on this drive. And Lynch ends it. That's not ideal, but it's still better than college overtime. (Seahawks 26, Broncos 20, OT)

Fernando Velasco? Wasn't he in the Indians' bullpen four years ago? Flags everywhere! Good catch by Brown. "You're not even close." Roethlisberger can get this himself and he does. Touchdown! That's a perfectly placed throw. Wait, they called it incomplete? The Steelers have to challenge this, right? I'm not sure I agree with letting this go. This game's about as interesting as the Ravens-Steelers game was, which is to say not in the least. More fisticuffs? Man, there are a ton of Steelers fans in the house tonight. They're everywhere.




That's a fumble and there was a huge pop when the Steelers recovered it. Did anyone even hit Cam? And the Steelers still won't get a touchdown out of it. Wait, someone jumped offsides on the field goal attempt? Wait, Roethlisberger hasn't thrown the ball yet? Touchdown! Oh man, they've got Ike Taylor's arm in something. Cam missed two guys on that 3rd down pass.




Damn, Kuechly got busted up on that Bell jaunt. They're gonna call offensive pass interference here? Another touchdown for Brown. Greg Olsen just outran a cornerback. NBC DJ breaking out Janet's "Black Cat." PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Steelers are literally running this defense ragged. Blount finishes it off after his big sprint and that's the end of that, as shown by Derek Anderson's entry. Nice coverage. Stop showing off, Blount. Yes, you've got hops at 245 pounds. We get it. (Steelers 37, Panthers 19)


"The Sons Of Anarchy."  Oh, Jon. They've been using that in New York for two years. Well that's an inauspicious beginning. Just a terrible throw.




See, the one to Ivory on the second drive, that's better. You just need a little patience, Geno. What was that weirdness with Vick? Hey, Santonio Holmes! Nice to see him back in the league after two years. Well that punt was a comedy of errors. First it almost gets blocked, then the Jets muff it and the Bears get it back. Not sure that was defensive PI. Cutler ends up finding Bennett and it's 14-0. Wait, what first down? They scored!




Decker took a shot on that catch over the middle. His hamstring looks OK. That drive started well but sputtered out. Now the Bears receivers are just running through the Jets defense. Bennett dropped that touchdown three times but DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Jets football, ladies and gentlemen! Still, they kept the Bears out of the end zone so good on them. Nice pass to the rookie Jace Amaro. Another field goal? Well, it's something. Marshall's hurt? Well, that ankle wasn't going to hold up forever.
Gotta secure the football. Gruden's desperately trying not to say "Who the hell is calling these plays?"




Kerley's a good guy to have around as long as you don't push him beyond his limits. I'm not sure if those are his limits, but well done.




I had no idea the Jets forced the fewest turnovers last season. Nice shout out to the replay officials. The Jets utterly wasted that opportunity. The only thing worse would have been them giving the ball back. Antonio Allen just stopped Matt Forte's longest run in two weeks. Bennett again? Jebus. The Jets got real lucky that Fuller's leg was still on the sideline there. Geno probably could have run for that but Amaro just dropped it. Seriously, Geno?




Then Allen misses a chance to get it back when Cutler got hit and threw up a duck. Who is calling these plays? A shotgun quarterback draw into the blitz? Are you nuts? They're lucky that wasn't a fumble. The Jets have Quinton Coples guarding Brandon Marshall on the outside? Are they shaving points? How many have they left on the field tonight?




Another field goal for the Bears and that might do it. This is an important spot. The Bears are challenging this and they might win it. Call stands. Why are the Jets running the ball? Greg Salas? Really? The Bears are out of safeties like the Eagles are out of offensive linemen. And that's four straight incompletions. Good job, everyone involved! This game sucked. Bucs-Falcons was somehow better than this. (Bears 27, Jets 19)

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Sunday, January 12, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Proof and Pudding

Signal Finder: IND @ KC, DAL @ WAS, NO @ CAR (end), DEN @ HOU (end), PIT @ GB

SPECIAL TEAMS. Charles made that look... relatively easy. For some reason Luck needed to pump-fake six times. MORE SPECIAL TEAMS. Wait, what? Vinatieri doesn't miss. They reversed that incompletion into a sack? Um, okay? And Knile Davis fumbles again. That's why Charles touches the ball 80 times a game. Donald Brown came out of a wormhole and scored on that pass. That's the second time a Colt has vanished from the Chiefs' coverage. No one was anywhere near Hilton, who would have scored on a better throw. Holy hell the Colts just got jobbed out of a fumble recovery. Why are the Chiefs calling screens? And then running the ball on 4th and short with no time outs? Succop misses! Well that balanced out nicely.
Someone got Smith's arm there, right? Oh WOW Mathis knocked the ball out of Smith's hands and Smith basically punched it downfield. Brown again! Well, it took a full quarter, but the Chiefs are trying to rally here. Until that happened. That's probably it. (Colts 23, Chiefs 7)

THIS VIDEO PACKAGE. The other thing is these are two terrible defenses. MORE SPECIAL TEAMS. How that pass wasn't intercepted I'll never know. So neither side can cover a punt? Is that it? That's the second one Moss has gotten a good runback on. This is why they're 4-10. Another Cowboys linebacker down? I think they're down. I think that's their last one. The Cowboys have run out of linebackers, which means more safeties, which means more bad defense. Was there a hold on that Murray run? That was a good ten seconds! How does no one get to Romo? Even though the pass was incomplete, no one came close. Then he JUKES a guy? Dez got both feet down. The Redskins defense just went nuclear.


And there's a bad throw by Cousins that gets intercepted.

Well that's not Romo's fault but Cowboys. And the Redskins continue to do stupid things in the red zone.

I'm not even referring to the penalty here, but to lining up in quads bunch twice after the Cowboys called time out after the first time. Remember what I just said about the Redskins doing stupid things in the red zone? So do the Cowboys, if we're being honest. Touchdown. Why not go for two there, Shanahans? You're 4-10 and getting fired. No. You're kidding me. There's no way that just happened. Burkhart, on the Redskins turning run-happy immediately: "It's almost like the Redskins are taking what should be the Cowboys' script." And this Wilcox dude makes another stupid Cowboys mistake. That keeps the drive alive and the Redskins add three points.

Orakpo being hurt could be bad if it's for any length of time. You almost forget London Fletcher was on that Rams Super Bowl team. Now Romo's limping? Oh man, Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton are both in this stadium. Gotta go for it. Who moved? FALSE. START. I'm stunned they actually converted after all that. Actually I'm not because the Redskins remain terrible defensively. My God these teams are bad. What's DeAngelo mad about? The throw wasn't even close. Now what? They're kicking it and even that was needlessly adventurous. Of course the Cowboys gave up a 3rd and 9. Romo can barely move around back there. Oh, Wilson slipped. That's why Williams was so ridiculously open. Murray just lost 10 yards on 3rd and goal at the 1. JEBUS. No one covered Murray. NO. ONE. Now we got a fight. Seriously, Murray just stood there and waited.

There's still plenty of time for the Cowboys defense to blow this. Of course, Cousins then throws three bad passes. The Cowboys are lucky the Redskins are worse. (Cowboys 24, Redskins 23)

Domenik Hixon's still alive?

(Panthers 17, Saints 13)

FROZEN TUNDRA. James Jones just took that ball away from Ike Taylor. Usually that goes in the opposite direction.So ever since the first drive, these offenses have done whatever they feel like. The Steelers didn't even think about stopping Lacy on that touchdown. I mean, it never crossed their collective mind. FAKE PUNT! Big Ben runs! What is going on right now? We got some chaos here. That ball is out.


That's a massive defensive stop by the Steelers. BLOCKED!! Unbelievable. Wait, WHAT?!?!? Is this Leon Lett again? Is that what's happening right now? Now Tomlin's challenging this. He can't challenge that? They absolutely blew this one. Oh my goodness. Clark had that ball and was down before he pitched it.

Maaaaaan, if the Steelers end up losing by less than seven I do NOT want to deal with all that. I know I've said this several times already this season but Bell may already be the Steelers' best player, which is both good and bad. And the Steelers go back on top. Let's tack on a pick-six while we're at it, sure. Now Ben's throwing odd interceptions. Hey Steelers defense: The one guy you can't let get away is Jordy Nelson. Now we're tied. Flynn fumbles! Why did the Steelers burn a time out with the clock stopped? Touchdown!

Who's this Hyde dude? That's a massive return. A false start? Seriously, Packers? That is literally out of the Cowboys-Redskins game. So that's a 10-second runoff and the Packers just screwed themselves.

Let's be honest, though: Asking Mike McCarthy to make the correct clock management decision is a lot like asking a Kardashian to split the atom. It might just take the push of a button, but do you really trust them to do that much? (Steelers 38, Packers 31)

This Week It Sucks To Be:


(Giants 23, Lions 20, OT)

So now it's the Bears with a chance to win their division. And that's not the way you want to start that game out. That punt wasn't good.Well that didn't take any time at all. Hester FUMBLED? Whoa.


Give it to Shady! Are the Bears aware of the circumstances? Celek just strolled into the end zone. Like he was taking the dog for a walk.Hey, the Eagles didn't score. Hey, the Bears got a first down! This is unbelievable. Cutler was throwing well before those back to back sacks. It's just... there are so many moving parts.


That's a bad spot but the way things look right now it won't matter. Uh-oh. Fumble? Wow that's close. Wait, what? Did Chip just break the Schwartz Rule? Overturned. Then things just hit a pothole or something. Nice punt. Nice punt coverage. That's a safety, right? Safety!


This Bears defense is utterly exhausted. Well, that's probably that. Bah. Celek fumbled? Now what? Wait, did the Bears lose yards? I could have sworn they were at midfield. Oh, right, the Trent Cole sack.


HALL & OATES! THE BALL FELL OFF THE TEE. Yeah, Trestman was planning something. The Eagles aren't even thinking about throwing the ball anymore. Polk!


Congrats to Cutler for breaking Sid Luckman's record in four years. LOL at "It's kinda sad." Bad throw, Jay. Everybody take the rest of the night off.


Let's say this: This wasn't Cutler's fault. (Eagles 54, Bears 11)

Seriously? The Raiders think they're too good for Candlestick? Always good to see Eddie DiBartolo in the house. I have to say I never liked the Stephen Jackson signing for the Falcons — just seemed like he had too many miles on him to be what they wanted him to be. Wait, Matt Ryan's already completed five passes? Kaepernick hasn't had a great year but he's played better recently. How did Ryan not cross the line of scrimmage? I mean, he didn't, but how? Nice throw and good blocking downfield. I don't know about that call. Looks like Whitner hit him clean. Touchdown.(And yes, I know I just pooh-poohed the Jackson signing. Shut it.) Sure Ryan's outplaying Kaepernick so far but the Falcons have only put one decent drive together. Until this one, that is. The 49ers can't afford to forget that the Falcons do still have Roddy White (hobbled though he may be) and Harry Douglas, as well as that Gonzalez dude. Just that quickly we're tied. The Niners needed that. That's an awful pass interference call


There's Kaepernick going up the left side again. More touchdowns. Remember when I mentioned Roddy White earlier? Did something happen on that big Hunter run that I missed? I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here. I'll tell you what: It's been a miserable season for the Falcons but they haven't quit at all. Gonzalez! What? Hmmm... probably should have been offsetting.


This is what about 98% of TV commentators don't understand. They're going onside kick even with the penalty? Hmmm. Whoa! Great play by Snelling on the onside kick! Are the Falcons actually going to pull this off? NOPE. The 49ers sent the house and somehow got to the receiver. That's it, probably.
This is the longest 1:28 ever. Harbaugh's, like, about where they place the ball for the snap. Get out, sir. This is all very unnecessary.

(49ers 34, Falcons 24)


RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (12-3) — Picked off by the Cardinals? Really?
2. Denver (12-3) — Peyton takes his record back
3. Carolina (11-4) — Cam clutch
4. San Francisco (11-4) — Farewell, palace of ruins

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-11) — The trudge continues
30. Cleveland (4-11) — Can we just shut this down?
31. Houston (2-13) — Innocent bystanders
32. Washington (3-12) —Not-so-innocent bystanders

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