Showing posts with label Arizona Cardinals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arizona Cardinals. Show all posts

Sunday, November 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Same Old, Same Old

I feel like we've been here before. Did Montee Ball get hurt and I don't remember it?




That was... ill-advised. Especially since Rivers hasn't missed many yet. Gates! Keenan Allen scored a touchdown! Stop the presses! This is an interesting call. Carey says fumble... and the on-field refs disagree. Oh well. That was damn near picked off. Jeez, make it any easier, why don't you. I don't know what they're looking at — that's a clean interception. I can read Philip Rivers  lips, and he is not praying. These audibles look panicked, Touchdown Broncos!  Or not? Good spot by either Nantz or whoever saw that. That was a quick review. Sanders again? Comparisons to Eric Decker (who he effectively replaced) keep popping up. The Other Brandon Marshall's been having a real hot stretch.
Floyd caught that! Wow. Allen needs longer cleats. That's at least the second time he's slipped. Good thing they picked that flag up or there would have been two questionable pass interference calls in the end zone on the same drive. Gates again! That felt like it took 36 plays. Don't run it out, Weddle. Jeez. And someone held anyway so it doesn't even count. This feels over — not that it matters but the Chargers have had no running game tonight. Until now, of course. GATES. They missed the field goal? Man, Rivers. Floyd was never open. Go somewhere else next time.




I think we can safely wrap this up. (Broncos 35, Chargers 21)


Tally-ho or something.

Really, any decision Ryan made at that point would have been a bad one — he just happened to choose the worst one. I mean, that was right out of the Book of Favre. On top of that, the Falcons have fumbled about eight times and somehow not lost a single one that I'm aware of. Lot of guys on this Lions offense you've never heard of. Theo Riddick? The Falcons aren't as close as they think they are. They still need about 10 more yards for a reasonable field goal attempt. And they get zero more yards. Splendid. Good punt, though. And in two plays the Lions are in Falcons territory. They're going to blow this, aren't they? DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Well, here we go. Seriously? He MISSED it? Oh, delay of game, which strangely helps the Lions here. And how does that even happen with the clock stopped? Also the snap was bad but really? IT'S GOOD. THE LIONS MADE A FIELD GOAL.




(Lions 22, Falcons 21)

 Signal Finder: SEA @ CAR, BAL @ CIN (end), PHI @ AZ

The Bears' defense has two good players on it, one of which blew out his knee celebrating a sack while down by 25 points. You can blame Jay Cutler for a lot of things, but this game is not one of them. (Patriots 51, Bears 23)


Newton didn't get that. And the spot is closer than I thought he got. They're going for it and I assume it's a Newton sneak. Yep and it's good. Benjamin needs to catch that. That goal-line sequence was... unproductive. What is Thomas Davis doing? Stop running! That was so obviously a pass. A bounce pass, but still a pass. This isn't a good idea either. And yet it worked! Bad snap, the line breaks down, and Newton still gets the first down. That fumble ruins another good Panthers drive. Fouts said it: Neither guy wanted to take the football. Here come the Seahawks? This is why getting so little out of those earlier drives hurts, especially against a team that's reeling. No one was anywhere near Kearse. Lynch lost yardage on that pass. Interception? Interception! Lynch has to catch that. Is he tanking? There have been some dumb turnovers in this game and that's another one.




Wilson just threw a knuckleball that was almost caught. Willson didn't catch that? Oh, Kuechly hit him and knocked the ball out. Lynch has been the worst of Seattle's running backs today — Turbin's completely outplayed him in every aspect. That's another blown quarterback-running back exchange. And that's a bad snap and it's Panthers ball. This game has been terrible. Sherman was back on the punt return? That's some desperation right there. Man, a safety deciding this would have been SO appropriate. BENJAMIN!! And yet again no one can get into the end zone. Russ has this look on his face like "I'm going to have to do this myself again, aren't I?" OH MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN. Harper's hit knocked Willson into the end zone. Another sack! That's it., right? Who called THAT play? (Seahawks 13, Panthers 9)

Oh, Andy Dalton. You're so confounding. That's pretty blatant OPI. A screen pass on 4th and 20, Ravens? That's the same play the Panthers called on 4th and 25. And we all saw how well that worked out. (Bengals 27, Ravens 24)




How in God's name were the Jets favored? I mean, they were only favored by three and odds include a three-point advantage for the home team but they should have been a 12-point dog. Vegas doesn't know everything, people. (Bills 43, Jets 23)

Roof is CLOSED. Is this game in slow motion? The Cardinals are already burning time outs? Myers: "The officials, so far, have been the stars of this game." Well they're the only ones who've done anything. Don't jump. Don't jump. Christ. Wait, that one was on the Cardinals? Why are they punting? You're indoors! That's a big break for the Eagles. Foles beat the blitz and Matthews only had one guy to worry about. Good throw there. Sounds like there's some Eagles fans in the house. I've noticed that Foles always rolls left. The Eagles stay running screens like bosses. Maclin is the anti-DeSean in many ways, including touchdown celebration dances.




And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. This'll be an interesting spot. The Cardinals are going for it because I guess they figure they'll need touchdowns. Got it. And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. Matthews dropped that — it'll be incomplete. Not a particularly effective hold by Peterson. A defense with that guy on it should be better against the pass than this. The hell just happened?





And now the Cardinals are at midfield because no one saw the ball and Cole got flagged for roughing the passer.



I see you, Cooper. What's this challenge now? Also, that's a weak roughing the passer on the Honey Badger. I mean, Foles didn't even bother selling it, that's how bad it was. Now the Cardinals are out of challenges. Oh dear. Bucannon got Maclin with his helmet (which is why it flew off). They're still down. Hey, Foles rolled left. The Cardinals are blitzing like crazy now, and with Cromartie going off, it may continue. Earl Wolff just got steamrolled on that kickoff. I'm... I'm not even surprised any more. The pick wouldn't have mattered. Fitzgerald has made his career on tearing the Eagles to shreds. Does McCoy ever run straight ahead? This has been a strange series. It's gone from bad calls to bad non-calls. Parkey from 54? Good!




That touchdown to Maclin was pretty much perfection. Foles bought time and dropped it in the bucket. The interception, on the other hand... The Cardinals' goal-to-go offense looks like the Eagles'. So. Many. Penalties. Does this play calling seem odd to anyone else? I'm surprised they haven't tried play action here. NOW what do you do? And they've got the whole two-minute warning to think about it. They're kicking the field goal. OK. What.. What.. How? HOW?!?!?! HOW DO YOU LET THAT HAPPEN MY GOD THIS SECONDARY IS THE HOTTEST GARBAGE. Barber: "I don't know how that happened." I'll tell you how it happened, Ronde: You could put on an Eagles jersey right now and you'd be their best defensive back. Always the Cardinals. ALWAYS the Cardinals. YOU HAD ONE JOB. ONE FREAKING JOB.




I don't even care about this last drive because it's not going to work BECAUSE THE FOOTBALL CARDINALS HAVE THE SAME DEVIL MAGIC THE BASEBALL CARDINALS DO, BUT IT ONLY WORKS ON THE EAGLES. (Cardinals 24, Eagles 20)

DAMN YOU PRISON JERSEYS. DAMN YOU. The Steelers' offense isn't the Bengals'. Luck had been red hot but that was a bad pass. That, on the other hand, was a good one. No. 10 got lost in the coverage. The touchdown to Allen was a bullet. That throw to Bryant was so telegraphed and yet so perfect at the same time. Encroachment on a field goal? That's... not good. Pagano is furious.  How did Brown get his hands on that ball to catch it? Phil Sims called Greg Toler one-half of the best cornerback tandem in the NFL, proof that jet lag is real. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger has been a machine this half. Of course, this also means Luck has them right where he wants them. Hilton spun away and got open at the last second. I mean, the Colts might want to find someone who can cover Brown. Also, the Steelers might want to find someone who can cover Hilton. If Luck had gone right he might have made it. That first half was a bum rush. It keeps going! This Martavis Bryant needs to be the Steelers' No. 2 guy ASAP. Hey, Bradshaw scored on an actual run. Who is Donte Moncrief? How did the NBA Live NPCs get into this game? Also I should point out here that the Colts have made this a one-score game and I told you Luck had them right where he wanted them. That flag was in the end zone, wasn't it? What a buzzkill. Roethlisberger just hornswaggled the Colts defense. (Steelers 51, Colts 34)


Did Corey White wear that hat indoors? THAT didn't take long. I don't like the Saints' chances tonight — the only game their defense hasn't been pathetic in was the Vikings win after the Adrian Peterson thing broke. I've said before that commercial bumpers for games in New Orleans should be nothing but street musicians. Brandin Cooks! The Saints have been waiting for that kid. And Eddie Lacy comes right back with a 67-yarder. Packers got a little too tricky with that pass to Peppers. Well that completely backfired.






An onside kick? The hell is McCarthy doing? Hey, good job covering Colston. This may be Colts-Steelers but closer. "These defenses aren't too bad either." No, Cris, they're terrible. Field goals? Come on, guys. Hey a Jimmy Graham sighting! Ingram got smoked. Of course, the Saints were in that no-man's land where you don't love any of your 4th and short options. Rodgers is unhappy about something. Oh, he grabbed his leg. Interception off of a deflection. Now it's the Packers' turn to give up a bunch of big plays. Rodgers probably wishes that series had lasted longer.




The Packers are going to go for this? I mean, it worked earlier. Not even close. Graham!  That felt inevitable. Another forward progress deal? OK. This looks like the end. Rodgers weirdly walked in to the end zone there. You don't often see two terrible onside kicks in the same game but this is where we are. I mean, that one went BACKWARDS. Ingram's run ices it. I didn't think the Packers' defense would end up being the worst one on the field tonight but you can't predict this stuff. (Saints 44, Packers 23)

I'm always up for a good instrumental anthem. Especially after... last night. Harris ran into his own man on that punt return. Wait, now what? I understand nothing.




Hey, there's DeSean beating a Cowboys defensive back. That's never happened before. Unsportsmanlike conduct for that? That seems like a misapplication of the term.




Jesus, Tony, snap the damn ball. And they still didn't pick up the blitz. And Murray's left completely uncovered. Good job, everyone. /sarcasm Dez just fought three guys to score that touchdown. They need to pay that dude. Lot of interesting interpretations of the rules going on here tonight. Any reason DeSean's not getting flagged here? Oh, they both did. I only saw the tail end of that. Those Morris stats with or without Griffin do say something also. Didn't seem to bother him there, though. This has been a surprisingly low-scoring game. Romo almost got victimized by a knockdown there. He just took a SHOT. He's down. Took a knee to the back. That was actually good for the Cowboys that that wasn't a fumble... it may buy them a little time. But not that much.






It's Brandon Weeden time. And that is ALL he needs to do.




That's good coverage by that kid twice on Dez. The Cowboys can't tackle. We've seen far too much of Colt McCoy's parents tonight. Quarterback draw for a touchdown!





That fumble's on Weeden. Nice screen. Real nice. Someone got a sweet block downfield. Hey, nice coverage on Witten, Redskins! One thing I've noticed tonight is McCoy hasn't hit Jackson in stride once. Romo's back in the game? At his own 3? This is moronic.





This has to end with a pick, right? That works, too. Wait, the Cowboys got it back? They can now review this and they're finally going to after 15 seconds ran off the clock. And how was that not intercepted??? They're running out of time, though. "Dork Elvis?" Romo gets cadence calls from Bill Simmons nicknames? That's intentional grounding. I'd have had DeSean back there to return that punt but that's me. Overtime. Excellent catch on the sideline by Jordan Reed. The Redskins have moved the ball on this drive. There's the field goal.




The Cowboys have looked utterly discombobulated since Romo came back in. They deserved this loss.


Also, somebody won a bet. (Redskins 20, Cowboys 17, OT)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Denver (6-1) — It's an easy game, this football
2. Arizona (6-1) — When you've got it, you've got it
3. New England (6-2) — Oh shit, son...
4. Dallas (6-2) — Dr. Jones in the house?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-6) — Just gave up on a former top-10 pick
30. Jacksonville (1-7) — Well that was short-lived
31. N.Y. Jets (1-7) — So long, Geno
32. Oakland (0-7) — At least Derek Carr isn't terrible
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Sunday, December 15, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 13: What a Fool Believes

Stafford's never beaten the Packers? Wild. Hey, Nate Burleson's back! That was a good drive with an unfortunate ending. Nice Pat Summerall tribute. Aikman saying "He narrated my career" gave me a slight chill. Bush just tripped over Calvin. Is there any team in the league that is more its own worst enemy than the Lions? "The Beautiful People"? Odd choice. Yeah, that's gotta be caught, Pettigrew. Akers signing with an indoor team at this point in his career was a smart move. Out of bounds? Really? Wow. Wacky catch by James Jones. Morgan Burnett's trying to get himself a trophy. Jesus, the Lions can't get out of their own way.


Oh, Stafford. Really? Then the Lions got the ball back and it turned into the Reggie Bush show. The Jeremy Ross Revenge Tour? First a touchdown, then almost breaking that punt return. That was too easy and the Lions, really, have run all over and dominated the Packers for the most part. Buck: "I'm not sure you're gonna ice David Akers." JINX. Of course if Stafford had thrown to someone who could get out of bounds, they may have had a shot or two at a touchdown there. Aaron Rodgers looks like Ron Burgundy's illegitimate son with that horrible mustache. Johnson bounced off somebody on the way to that touchdown.I mean, bounced off. Like, you could see the shockwaves in the air after the impact. This game hasn't been the greatest. Why is Stafford throwing that pass?


Oh, let's hope THAT'S not serious. MEGATRON IS DOWN. Also not the greatest: Matt Flynn. And additionally: the Packers' offensive setup. Wow, I didn't realize just how little the Packers have done offensively. Safety! That's the first GOOD thing Suh's done in a Thanksgiving game. Damn, he carried Flynn out of the end zone like "Just get off the field, son." Is that booth open-air? I kind of hope not even though we're inside. This is Detroit, after all. Nice catch by Durham. This is officially out of hand.


Whoa! How did Ogletree catch that? That was behind him. Nice job. I love how Buck seems to legitimately hate the Galloping Gobbler, if only because I do too. Fumbled snap? The Packers can't even get garbage yards right. DETROIT IS BURNING. Wait, it's just a plaque? I'm actually disappointed. Not as much as Packer fans, though. (Lions 40, Packers 10)

The Cowboys were guaranteed an AFC opponent for their Thanksgiving game this year... and the NFL schedule makers put the Raiders here and NOT the Broncos? The Cowboys 1) not wearing their usual throwbacks AND 2) wearing their blue uniforms is going to throw me off all game. WOMP WOMP. Wait, was he down? That's CLOSE. Yeah, didn't think they'd be able to overturn that. Simms is right — don't even bring that one out. Just take a knee. Also it should be noted that Williams isn't their normal return man — Dwayne Harris got hurt two weeks ago. Man, the Raiders have a lot of former Cowboys, which somehow seems fitting. The Cowboys' alternate returners are struggling — Beasley just lost about six yards on that punt "return". "Hawkins?" Can't people snap the ball any more? Jeez. If this is how it's gonna go today this game's going to be a bigger turkey than the one we're having. The Raiders are making some hot catches out here. There's ANOTHER one. I don't think that ball's in the end zone. It's not. Jennings almost ran out of real estate. Hey, a Miles Austin sighting! He could easily be another Cowboy-turned-Raider next year — Williams, Beasley and his own hamstrings have made him surplus to requirements. I mean, he didn't catch the pass thrown to him, but I was just shocked to even see him out there. What is with this Wildcat renaissance? Jennings has struggled to keep his feet on these last few runs. This Holmes kid is making Brandon Carr look like Orlando Scandrick. (For any new readers, that's not a compliment.) What's with these three-second overhead shots? That's three touchdowns in a row Oakland's given up. Simms: "Everything they call is wrong." "Snap infraction?"


Yeah, we've been done here for quite some time. I mean, that's nice and all (though it almost got blocked) but I don't think there's enough time. This sequence on the onside kick is so Raiders. Let's hand out some irons! Also, dessert soon. (Cowboys 31, Raiders 24)

SMELL THE HATRED. Not a lot of big-time programs in that Steelers' starting offense, and if we're being honest, not many more in the Ravens' offense. I mean, Flacco went to Delaware. Are the Steelers running the Wildcat to troll Flacco? I wouldn't put it past them. Illegal motion on the KICKER? I'm pretty sure only Shaun Suisham could pull that off. Also, Tomlin has an irrational love for fake field goals at inopportune times. Have the Ravens huddled yet? I don't know why I'm noticing that. Bell just broke one off. Sanders! Jacoby AGAIN?! Oh that's gotta hurt. How'd he get chased down? Really, Cris? You're surprised? I'd have done the same thing coming off a big play. STARTING? Is Collinsworth new to Steelers-Ravens? This was salty LAST Thursday. Are we really going back to the kickoff return to call out Tomlin for sideline interference? I mean, that's some serious gamesmanship.


A rubber chicken? That squeaks? That's uncalled for, Dierdorf. This Tucker kid doesn't miss.


You know who's good is Antonio Brown. Sanders tripped himself out of a touchdown. How do you give up 25 yards on a screen pass to the back? This feels like we're  headed for overtime. Hmmm... Miller may have been down as well. Nope. Gaaaahhhhh. That looked and sounded bad. Now we've got that helmet rule to think about also. Oh, they gave him the touchdown? They hadn't looked at it yet? Yeah, this shouldn't be a touchdown either.




At this point the Steelers may have to call a quarterback sneak, which they should have done at some point anyway. Now their center's hurt? I have no idea how this is going to end. Touchdown! But we're not done yet! Shotgun seems like a bad idea. Did he — no, he never had it. What the hell, Suisham. That onside kick was worse than the one in the Cowboys game. Wait, are we getting a Madden sighting? No? Oh. The kicker's getting a turkey leg? The Mayans were off by a year. (Ravens 22, Steelers 20)

Signal Finder: ARZ @ PHI, TEN @ IND (end), CHI @ MIN (end), JAX @ CLE (end), DEN @ KC

Hey, a turnover! I thought they flagged a hit to the head there. Oh well. BLACK JERSEYS ALL THE TIME. An understated part of the Eagles' improvement on defense is Nate Allen isn't God-awful anymore.


Still have no idea why Mendenhall plays more than Ellington. Defending the middle seems to be a problem for the Eagles at the moment. Bryce Brown is a "big, powerful runner inside"? Did Moose just get here? The punt hits a Cardinal, they recover it, then possibly fumble it anyway? And that's the right call. Cards got lucky twice there. I never like challenging ball spots. Chip might win this one. Yep. So what do the Cardinals do? Either decision could be justified. Mendenhall picks it up. And Fitzgerald torches the Eagles yet again — he took that hit like nothing happened.


Nice catch by Cooper on a way-too-high throw. Brad Smith hasn't taken a snap in a while and it shows. A field goal seems like a loss there. DeSean ended up playing defense on that long ball into the end zone that Foles overthrew. Wait, what? Why would you need replay on that? Why didn't the Cardinals call time out? Very strange. First down McCoy. That's PI and it was catchable — Cooper gut pushed out of the path of the ball. Touchdown!


DeSean just got Honey Badgered. That's two third downs in a row. That probably shouldn't have worked. Oh, OK, Ertz was more open than I thought. I refuse to get comfortable... these are still the Cardinals. They're covering the hell out of Fitzgerald now. Someone tell Carson that Movember is over. That's twice that the Cardinals have gotten a touchdown off of two Eagles colliding. That was a poor series. What was Carson doing there?


Trent Cole's trying to keep a job for next year. He's going nuts. Was that just a bad, short kick? The Eagles STILL can't escape Kurt Coleman's awfulness. Why is he still in the league? He can't do anything. Foles should have gone somewhere else with that. "Pass Rush Specialist"? Dude coached in Super Bowl I? THAT is old school. That was ALMOST an interception. I've been thinking all game I'm surprised Peterson or Mathieu hasn't been returning kicks. The Cardinals should challenge this... I don't think it hit the ground. They gave it to him? This is how it starts... and that Floyd catch is how it continues... and that pass interference call... and the tight end walking into the end zone untouched. And Foles throws his first pick on a ball he should have thrown away five seconds earlier. What? Defensive holding? That always goes the other way when the Eagles are playing the Cardinals.


Why did Foles keep it on 3rd and 2? WOW. That 4th down pass always either gets caught or pass interference is called. Wait, what? Foles screws up and goes out of bounds, but they call defensive holding? And then they got another penalty because the Cardinals were (probably correctly) pissed about it? But let's not bury the lede here: The Cardinals ALWAYS win this game. ALWAYS. Welcome to a new and glorious age. (Eagles 24, Cardinals 21)

I thought Harvard men were smarter than that, Ryan Fitzpatrick. (Colts 22, Titans 14)

Hey Jaguars, what's up with those helmets?This really shouldn't have been the best game of the day but so far it is.


(Jaguars 32, Browns 28)

What are they calling on Bushrod? Throwing the ball downfield? He didn't do that. Lot of stupid going on in this game, I'm hearing. See, I'm OK with ties. I think college football's overtime is a joke. I also think the NHL should bring them back. Does Chris Conte just suck or what? He's pleading he didn't grab Peterson's facemask — and he didn't; he horse-collared him, and badly at that. And the field goal is good. WAIT WHAT. Seriously? #40 dropped a game-winner earlier and now he gets flagged for a facemask that wipes out a game-winning field goal in overtime? If the Vikings lose this game he's getting cut.


And then Peterson loses two more yards. This is sad to watch. Now GOULD misses? He's money! That's... what.


Also, AD has 200 yards. Try again, Walsh. It's GOOD! 40 gets to keep his job. Happy Hanukkah, dude. I don't know if you're Jewish or not but you deserve some kind of salutation. (Vikings 23, Bears 20, OT)

Reeeemaaaaaatch. I don't know what Alex Smith saw there. Rolling out, throwing it across his body, that's textbook "how not to do that." Good to see Moreno out there after the end of last week's game. Dude's been a horse. The Chiefs finally got to Peyton! Sure it took a safety blitz, but still. Quintin Demps! Black guy named Hemingway? OK.


Nantz and Simms have good spotters. Whoa, Manning scuffling at Arrowhead. Not a great throw. You know who I like is this Cooper kid. Illegal formation? Dude's a guard, isn't he?That just wiped out a touchdown. And Fasano (!) picks it up anyway. Who had the Chiefs up by two touchdowns at any point? Put your hands down, you liars. I see Welker's back returning punts after last week. That's the second time Decker's gotten free deep. How many turnovers can be nullified by penalties in one game? I think these guys are trying to set the record. Both teams have slowed down — the Chiefs by themselves, the Broncos'; due to Chiefs' pressure. I don't know what the difference is but Peyton's been under much more duress than he was two weeks ago. That Trevathan interception that wasn't had the longest delayed reaction ever. That's a bad grounding call. Jesus. That's three times Decker's torched the Chiefs deep and Peyton's found him. We got confusion and discord all over the place here. the sideline incident, the almost-fumble. So now what? Chiefs punt. OK. That was BEAUTIFUL. Perfect pass, hit Thomas in stride. Excellent.


Another touchdown for Decker, who's really been forgotten about when people talk about this Broncos offense. The Chiefs' receivers have let Smith down twice on this drive. Cooper's having a bad third quarter. That's an obvious penalty.The Chiefs' receivers are letting Smith down on this drive too. Somehow they got a touchdown anyway. So many flags. One more shot for the Chiefs. A.J. JENKINS!!! That's his first highlight ever. Bowe can't bring that one in and he probably had a shot at it at least. Well, that's that. (Broncos 35, Chiefs 28)

So when was the last time the Falcons won in the U.S.? (Falcons 34, Bills 31, OT)

"And now, Giants-Redskins, because we literally have no better options."


And yet, here we are. Actually, this opening drive hasn't been bad. I can't say the same for the Giants' opening drive, as it started with Eli getting sacked. Griffin needs to stop ending up in no man's land. Is he doing it on his own? Is it the plays they're calling? Cris, let's not forget the Giants are equally bad. Or possibly worse, as Griffin is now 12-for-12. Then the Redskins let the Giants basically do nothing but run down the field for no good reason. I'm giving this game the attention it deserves, which isn't much. Also, Return of the Jedi is on. I think it's a little disingenuous for Collinsworth to just claim that RG3's looking to run first without evidence. Now, the one where Helu got free and was open down the field was said evidence, but you shouldn't just go out and say that for no real reason.


"You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet?" Stellar trolling, NBC DJ. Eil was under pressure and didn't make a good throw. They're showing Gilbride, who may be the most hated coordinator by his own team's fans in the league. Meanwhile nobody's blocking anyone, on the offensive lines or on the punt teams. Didn't the ball break the plane on that Cruz catch? Brown didn't make it. Oh, wait, looking at the replay, he DID — his body never hit the ground; it's on top of a Redskins player. Will Beatty's getting abused again. Or still. I'm not sure. This is bad.


I'm not sure why Shanahan is challenging this unless he's saying the play ended? Oh my God, that botched punt. Cruz just faked DeAngelo Hall out of his shoes.


Yeah, kick that field goal to go up by seven. Wait, WHAT happened? So on 2nd down, the refs moved the chains even though they got the measurement wrong, then the Redskins ran a play, but the referee signaled third down, the Redskins got the first down, then Hill took the ball out of Garcon's hands? So it was a miscommunication by the refs?


Every single entity involved with this contest is bad and they should feel bad. (Giants 24, Redskins 17)

That first completion by Wilson was a feast of errors. Man it's loud. WOW. Doesn't matter what you call that one, it's a touchdown. Saints aren't doing well at this present second. Wilson got lucky there — the coverage was excellent and it should have been picked off. Whoa! Where was the coverage there? How fast is Zach Miller? Nice block by 87 and Miller almost made it. And now we've got weather. Seventeen points already? OK. These penalties are problematic. You can't give Brees chances no matter how out of sorts he may be. And that's why, right there. That deep ball by Wilson to Baldwin was better than the last one.


Who calls a prevent defense in your own end zone? Maybe Rob Ryan really IS Kevin Nash. Tirico: "Why do they have seats here?" Saints missed a challenge opportunity there. Did the Seahawks just get into the Saints' red zone in about 10 seconds? This is on the borderline of getting out of hand. Sup, random grunge band assembled just for this sound demonstration. Gruden predicting that screen to Thomas was odd. The Saints just can't sustain anything.


Gruden's asking the same question I am: "Who are these receivers?" Wait, WHAT? That might count, too. How does one re-establish position inbounds?


I'd like to sincerely thank Ed Hochuli for those explanations. I'm not even joking. I know the Saints can explode offensively at any time but this just feels like it's over. Graham's the only one who's gotten any run to night. Also, this Maxwell guy's played well replacing Browner and Thurmond tonight. WE WERE STRETCHING OUR BALLS. I'm... kinda with Gruden on pulling Brees here. The only things that can happen to him now are bad. (Seahawks 34, Saints 7)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (11-1) — Establishing some serious dominance
2. Denver (10-2) — The AFC's road is still high and mountainous
3. New England (9-3) — Getting lucky again?
4. (tie) New Orleans (9-3) — A clear setback
4. (tie) Carolina (9-3) — Disregarding the burden of proof

BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (3-8-1) — Putting in for hazard pay
30. Cleveland (4-8) — Wasn't defense the Browns' strength?
31. Tampa Bay (3-9) — What momentum?
32. Houston (2-10) — They were 2-0 at one point...

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Absolutely Not Rocket Science

Signal Finder: NYJ @ DET; AZ @ MIN (Really, Channel 29? Really?); IND @ PHI

This is an... interesting choice of game. Braylon will be caught by no one on this bomb. Jason Hanson's still alive? Yeah, not after that, he's not. That play-action bootleg was a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Suh's kicking the extra point? CLANG. And he looks legitimately angry he missed it. Um... why not have the punter kick the PAT? Or is the punter the holder? (Forgive me for not knowing who the Detroit Lions' punter is.) Oh, Rex. Two time outs on back-to-back plays because you had 12 men on the field both times? You've hit a new low. Hey, Jim Schwartz, why are you calling a pass play on third down inside three minutes with the lead and an ice-cold backup quarterback in the game? Good thing Gus Johnson was here. Santonioooooooo. The Jets bailed Rex out today. The Lions' next order of business needs to be upgrading the offensive line because Stafford's too important to them to keep taking these beatings. If he doesn't go down (again) they probably win. (Jets 23, Lions 20, OT)

Ah, Vikings special teams. Why does Derek Anderson look competent? Put the flag down, Childress; it's a fumble. Ah, crap. The Vikings need a touchdown here and I'm not sure why they're not attacking the spot Darnell Dockett just left. I'm also not sure why the ball is anywhere near Jeff freakin' Dugan on fourth and goal from the 1. To go 81 yards in 16 plays and get absolutely nothing out of it... if this is how it ends, it almost seems appropriate. Or not, ad Favre seems to have reached down, grabbed whatever he's got left, and decided that he's not going out like that. Not this soon, at least. Right in Shiancoe's basket! Jared Allen lives! OVERTIME. That was Favre's career-high passing yards game? I find that impossible to believe. The Cardinals blowing a 14-point lead with four minutes left, on the other hand... that just feels like order being restored. (Vikings 27, Cardinals 24, OT)

I AM ERIC MANGINI'S ULTIMATE REVENGE. I did not see the post-game coaches' greeting. Did Mangini walk by Belichick and flip him off? (Browns 34, Patriots 14)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brad Childress; 2. Jason Garrett; 3. The Seahawks' defense; 4. Wade Phillips; 5. Whoever the Chargers' special-teams coach has blackmail of

On the one hand, Reid's never lost after a bye week. On the other hand, Reid's never not been utterly demolished by Peyton Manning. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. Fun fact, kids: Michael Vick? No interceptions. What Colts uniforms are those? McCoy breaks off a 62-yarder on the first play from scrimmage, which means he'll get about nine more carries the whole game. The Eagles' red-zone offense looks like the Dolphins'. They also can't even cover backup tight ends. Seriously, Jacob Tamme is lighting them up. Oh man, Austin Collie's not moving at all. Here's the thing about that hit: At game speed, it's the right call because Hanson and Coleman hit him a split-second apart and it looks like Coleman led with his helmet. It's not until you slow it down that you see what actually happened — Hanson's hit bounced Collie into Coleman's path. Coleman wouldn't have hit Collie's helmet otherwise. Actually, the refs got that one wrong all the way around. That was a completed pass (as Collie caught the ball, turned upfield and took a step) and should have been a fumble. Also they called it on Mikell when he didn't deliver either hit. But that's not quite as important. This is Edge James' cousin, I've heard. I'm positive I've used the "I've seen fewer flags at the United Nations" line before but I'm breaking it out again because this is getting ridiculous for both sides. Bad challenge, Andy. Avant was out of bounds. Touchdown? Really? That's not even close. Throw that flag, Caldwell! Yeah, Vick didn't even sniff the goal line there. What's with the one guy trying to pull him backwards? I'm calling this right now: If the Eagles have to settle for another field goal here, they will lose. Well, Vick got that one. Is this game gonna end? When did the Yankees and Red Sox start playing football? OMG. That Punt, Pass, and Kick footage of Reid just blew my mind. Roughing the — how is THAT roughing the passer? Did he even touch Peyton because Peyton barely reacted to it, and he would have sold it like grim death if it was close enough. Am I the only one who thought, listening carefully to Phil Simms' opinion on that hit, that part of him really thinks it shouldn't have been called? Just from the way he said a few things. Touchdown Colts, and I will not be surprised at this point if the Eagles go ahead and blow it. The end around works twice in a row? How is that possible? Don't throw it, Mike! Remember the lessons of Drew Stanton! WOW you rarely see Peyton just airmail one like that. Ummm... I don't know what to say here. I've just witnessed a game the Eagles should have both won by 30 and lost, and they beat Peyton Manning for the first time ever doing it. I'm prepared for anything now. (Eagles 26, Colts 24)

And Chiefs-Raiders is still going on! Cable can't bench Campbell after this run, right? (Raiders 23, Chiefs 20, OT)

Collinsworth: "The Cowboys have gone back to basics, but they're basically bad." Is Clay Matthews already better than his dad ever was? (His dad — same name and position — was a baller in his own right, for those too young to remember.) Here's the only play you really need to see: On the James Jones touchdown, Mike Jenkins was bearing down on him, and once Jones caught the ball... Jenkins stopped and stood there and watched Jones run through two Cowboys attempting to tackle him and scored. There are no leaders on that roster. (Packers 45, Cowboys 7)

crosses off Bengals (Steelers 27, Bengals 21)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL Whiskey (4-5, W2): Used a rally on Monday night to beat Doom and move into a tie for seventh.

JackSux 7 (3-6, L1): It happened AGAIN! The first time I faced Johnny, he scored 157 points against me. This time, he scored 167.

RANKINGS

TOP 4:

1. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Defense leads the way again, as it should
2. N.Y. Jets (6-2) — Better to be lucky than good?
3. (tie) New England (6-2) — I know the Browns aren't historically bad anymore but... really? REALLY?
3. (tie) Indianapolis (5-3) — Marvin Harrison's a phone call away — and I'm not even kidding
3. (tie) Baltimore (6-2) — Not to be overlooked

BOTTOM 4:

29. Denver (2-6) — Should consider joining the WAC
30. Carolina (1-7) — A Tony Pike sighting? Dear Lord
31. Dallas (1-7) — Replacing Wade Phillips with Jason Garrett is like deciding you're tired of shooting yourself in the face with a .38 and switching to a .45
32. Buffalo (0-8) — Canada couldn't send them back fast enough
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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Deja Vu All Over Again

I think I can safely say that when this is over, no matter the outcome, we'll all be saying to ourselves, "How the hell did that happen?" That was one ugly exchange all around. Donovan's making some bad throws and he's not getting a lot of help on his good throws. For example: Nice adjustment, Lewis, but you gotta catch it afterwards instead of letting it bounce off your hands. CHICANERY! Wow. Fitzgerald basically can't be stopped right now. Certainly not by a rookie safety who seems to be getting more playing time than he has all year up to this point. What's going on here is that in the first game, the Eagles were able to slow things down at the source by harassing and baiting Warner into a bunch of bad throws and picks. That hasn't happened so far today. It's not even that they're not getting to him; it's that they're not even getting close enough to mess up his timing. I haven't given Fitz the respect he deserves in this space over the years - if there's a better wide receiver out there than him right now, I want to know his name. I think the ball touches Abiamiri but after he's out of bounds, when it bounces up and hits his hip after he slides out of bounds. Oh, forget it then. Is Boldin even playing? Oh, there he is. Really? That's the first time Brown's been beaten for a touchdown all year?

Hey, a Kevin Curtis sighting! And in the meantime it's become the Brent Celek Show again. A 40-second drive? Do the Cardinals want to win this game? You know who else is having a really bad day is David Akers. Seriously, a missed field goal in a dome, a kickoff out of bounds, and now a missed PAT? The Eagles got lucky on the Jackson touchdown - that ball went right through Rodgers-Cromartie's hands. This would be such a Cardinals way to lose. Fitzgerald can't be covered with three guys. Is Whisenhunt going for it here? Wow. That almost didn't work. OK, the Cardinals aren't supposed to be able to grind their way down the field like this. Wait, how was that not pass interference? And yet... that was such a Cardinals way to beat the Eagles. From Charley Trippi to Boomer Esiason (yes, really) to Chris Jacke to MarTay Jenkins to Jake Plummer, and now to Warner and Fitzgerald. I'm not nearly as upset as I probably should be because: 1) the Cardinals have done this to us repeatedly over the years (seriously, six years after Pearl Harbor, the Cards scored 38 unanswered points in the second half against the Eagles) and 2) it was a game we probably shouldn't have been in in the first place. Still, the Cardinals? In the SUPER BOWL?! I'd recommend taking these next two weeks to get right with your Maker. Repent. REPENT! (Cardinals 32, Eagles 25)

Put the women and children to bed. In a way, I guess you could say they are in a steel cage. At least the snow's stopped. Oooh, Ward limping off is not a good sign for the Steelers. Get used to seeing a lot of Jeff Reed. The Ravens should probably think about trying to tackle Holmes or slow him down or something. McGahee just saved Flacco's ass with that block on Woodley. It's unfortunate timing for the Steelers that the Ravens started losing DBs by the truckload after Ward went out. So what are they reviewing here? Holmes caught it, but his knee hit before the ball crossed the plane. It's first and goal at the 1. Or at least it should be. Are you kidding me? Did they really just rule that incomplete? He caught it! Unbelievable. Wow, that roughing the kicker was awfully close. And upon further review, the guy didn't even touch him. Clearly a makeup from the botched Holmes call. And how do the Steelers not even get a field goal off?

It's interesting that the Ravens are still in this game given that the Steelers are basically making Flacco try to beat them. Limas Sweed is no Hines Ward, I'll tell you that. And now they're really back in it after the McGahee touchdown. Well, that was dumb. He just threw that guy to the ground. Polamalu! Well, that's that. You know, Quintin Demps' late hit on Warner was boneheaded. That unnecessary roughness penalty on the punt return (which isn't being talked about nearly as much) was catastrophically boneheaded. Congratulations, Darin Stone. You just cost your team a trip to the Super Bowl. If the Ravens are at the 40, the play-calling completely changes and they probably don't take the sack two plays later. The hit on McGahee is... borderline. It looks like Clark tries to turn at the last second to get his shoulder into the hit. That's not the first time he's hit somebody so hard that he needed a moment to recover. Yeah, this was basically what we expected. (Steelers 23, Ravens 14)
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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Locked Down

Signal Finder: BUF @ NE, STL @ NYJ, TEN @ CHI (end), SEA @ MIA (end), NO @ ATL (end), IND @ PIT, KC @ SD (end)

I'm sorry, was Scott Linehan re-hired? I'm shocked to learn that Favre hasn't broken 200 yards passing. I'm even more shocked that FOX is still showing this game. Seriously, how did we see the end of this game? (Jets 47, Rams 3)

This last drive by the Seahawks... man. I think this is why Holmgren's retiring. He's slipping. This is some awful play-calling. Did they throw to the sideline once? (Dolphins 21, Seahawks 19)

And this is the time of the game where Rex is 50-50 to throw a crippling interception. Well, a couple of bad incompletions will do, I suppose. (Titans 21, Bears 14)

Am I the only one wondering if Belichick's thinking to himself, "See that? I can still coach, you sons of bitches." (Patriots 20, Bills 10)

Brees looked furious after that interception return. (Falcons 34, Saints 20)

Oh, Ben is playing. Nice spin move by Wayne after the tip. That's a bad pass by Ben. In fact, why even throw at all in that situation? Seriously, Peyton is carrying this offense. They can't run the ball at all. That's also a bad pass by Ben. A penalty followed by a sack? Really? You're not winning this one, Steelers. This ending looks... familiar. (Colts 24, Steelers 20)

Wow, the Chargers potentially got hosed on that pass interference call. How did Gonzalez catch that?! I swear I've seen more quarterbacks throw into double and triple coverage this year than I can remember. You PLAY to WIN the GAME! I agree with going for two there, by the way. You're already 1-7 and going nowhere this year and probably next. What else do you have to lose? (Chargers 20, Chiefs 19)

Dan Patrick: "You had to really love football to watch this game." (Panthers 17, Raiders 6)

The Eagles being favored by 3 here may be the most puzzling line of all time. A Feeley jersey? They couldn't mock up a No. 35 for Hamels? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Why is Jacobs trying to hurdle people? Big man doesn't need to be doing that. This really is a copycat league, though I can't see Coughlin ever adopting the Wildcat formation. Donovan getting his legs back in the last month is kind of a weird development. The VP-elect in the house! Can we stop Jacobs one time? Actual AP Line: "Baskett's reception on a fade pass was his second biggest catch this week." I keep looking up and the Giants always seem to have the ball. Wait, what? You're telling me Eli didn't cross the line of scrimmage? I don't buy it and neither does Madden. See, the ball's still in his hand, though, is what I'm seeing. Ah, so Ward is "Wind" and Bradshaw is "Fire". Glad we got that resolved. Hmmm. You know whose name we haven't heard all night is Brian Westbrook, and that's a bad sign. If you're the Eagles, do you consider an onside kick here? Why are they just standing there? (You don't call time out until you're across midfield, but still.) Is this the Super Bowl again? How do you not have another play called already? Geez. (Giants 36, Eagles 31)

I wonder what the thought process behind putting this game on Monday night was. That's an inauspicious beginning. I don't know who any of these people are. Hey, how about covering Boldin? Is Edge still on the Cardinals? I haven't seen him at all tonight. I'm still wondering what the Cardinals are gonna do to piss this one away. Oh, never mind. Worse quarterback: Shaun Hill or Sage Rosenfels? Seriously, there wasn't a 49er within 15 yards of where that ball went. (I got two words for Niners management: Byron. Leftwich.) Some dreadful attempts at tackling by the Cardinals here. I can't even call it tackling. Oh my God. First and goal from the 2? After all that? I guess this is our answer. This would be such a Cardinals way to lose. Wait, what are they reviewing? Oh, the spot, I guess. THEY HELD! THEY HELD! Welcome to a new and glorious age. (Cardinals 29, 49ers 24)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (3-6, L2): So check out how bad my season's going. I agree to a trade with Bob on Tuesday: Delhomme and Fitzgerald for Cutler, Chambers and Breaston. And it doesn't get processed until MONDAY. So I lose out on the 30+ points Cutler got against the Browns and get stuck with Delhomme's -0.9 effort against the Raiders. (Seriously, Russell outscored him from the sideline of the REAL GAME.) crosses off Seagulls

JackSux (5-5, L2): A bad loss at a bad time, as I get annihilated by Johnny. How does Coles get 1.90 points in a game where the Jets score 47?

RANKINGS:
1. (tie) N.Y. Giants (8-1) - As their games get uglier, they seem to be more effective
(tie) Tennessee (9-0) - Raiders fans everywhere are wondering, "Where the hell was this Kerry Collins four years ago?"
3. New England (6-3) - It's ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE

30. Oakland (2-7) - Maybe things can get worse
31. Cincinnati (1-8) - A joke searching for a punchline
32. Detroit (0-9) - Seriously... who are they beating?
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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Don't Leave Just Yet

Signal Finder: BAL @ IND (first half), STL @ WSH, CIN @ NYJ (second half), MIA @ HOU (end), PHI @ SF, DAL @ AZ (end)

Dan Orlovsky's (Close To) Actual Quote: "When the whistle blew, I thought, 'Did we false start? Were they offsides? Man, I'm an idiot.'" (Vikings 12, Lions 10)

I'm not sold on the Redskins' game plan so far - they should be bum-rushing the Rams' awful secondary. Plus they look a little sluggish. JUST FALL ON IT. That's the first thing that's gone right all year for the Rams. "Incognito", huh? That's a wildly inappropriate name right now. He probably just cost them the game. Or not. Lord knows I've been wrong before. (Rams 19, Redskins 17)

Wow, Schaub walked in untouched. Kubiak learned that play from Shanahan. Why are they going for two here? There's not enough time for the Dolphins to stop the clock and kick a field goal. (Texans 29, Dolphins 28)

Yeah, this is exactly why I hate the squib kick. Are the Falcons really 4-2? (Falcons 22, Bears 20)

Cross-country trip after a bad loss for a game they always lose - you can understand my trepidation. "Strikeability?" That's a new one to alert to Simmons, I think. Nolan's jacket looks too big. Allen Rossum! Hey, I remember you. stop doing that. "Splashability?" Tim Ryan's making this up as he goes along, isn't he? The double pitch? That's one I've never seen before. If Jackson goes left, he's in. Oh, no. What do you wanna call that one, Ryan? "Missedblockability?" This is where it all goes south. Or maybe not, as McNabb's trying his best to rally the troops. You know who's been good today is Buckhalter. The hell are they challenging that for? You'd almost think Mike Martz was invol... oh, wait. Juqua Parker! With SPEED! I still don't know how this happened. (Eagles 40, 49ers 26)

I know, "letter of the law" and all that, but it seems kind of harsh to call offsides when the guy's clearly hurt. Yeah, it's five more yards. Don't you people know that? BLOCKED! WHAT?! Wow. This would be such a Cardinals way for them to lose. BLOCKED! WHAT?! Wow. That was such a Cardinals way for them to lose. And yet... (Cardinals 30, Cowboys 24, OT)

Think the Chargers watched Ravens-Colts and said, "Hey, let's do that to... Deltha O'Neal?" I wonder what vengeance tastes like. Probably pepper bacon. Mmmmm. There's a couple more of these coming, Patriots fans. (Chargers 30, Patriots 10)

Odds of a Brady Quinn sighting tonight? 3:1? Jamal Lewis is still getting it done. Is this Old Eli resurfacing? I'm not sure it matters as I don't thin the Browns can hold the giants down all night. Unless that keeps happening. This is Old Eli resurfacing. Wow. That's Dawg Pound Pride right there. (Browns 35, Giants 14)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (2-4, L1): Got nothing from anyone. NEXT.

JackSux (4-2, L1): Losing to Rob is never fun.

RANKINGS:

1. N.Y. Giants (4-1) - Man, I don't know. Seriously. I have no idea
2. Tennessee (5-0) - Yes, I'm pulling an Alabama in them
3. Pittsburgh (4-1) - Same here

30. St. Louis (1-4) - They tried their damnedest to lose
31. Cincinnati (0-6) - Gah
32. Detroit (0-5) - Are unaware of the dimensions of the field
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