Showing posts with label NFL playoffs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NFL playoffs. Show all posts

Sunday, February 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: A Ticket Punchers' Chance

I have to think that the move to change the start times of these games to 3 and 6:30 Eastern was, at least in part, for this very set of circumstances. You have to CATCH the snap, Peyton. That's better. That's two three-and-outs by the Patriots already.


I know I keep saying this but who are these jabronis Brady's throwing to? Uh-oh. Manning hit his groove. That's not pass interference? Way to not answer Nantz's question, Simms. It was kind of important.


Hey, a completion! That Ridley run was only the third that's been called so far. That still doesn't answer the question, Phil. Well, there it is, and it's by a guy who will never get the ball thrown to him again. Gotta call holding sometime.


Did the Broncos just give a backup tight end the ball on a RUNNING play? The Broncos have split Patriots defenders a few times already on this drive. Just finding holes and slipping through them. Did Peyton just say "Batman?" (Turns out it was "Fat man.") Moreno! DON'T FEED THE MACHINE, CBS GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT.


The Broncos won't risk a sneak here. Jebus, Peyton had at least three targets to choose from. Belichick going with the cap? Huh. Neither quarterback has faced any real pressure so far. Peyton is threading some needles on this two-minute drive. Why is Bon Jovi in Kraft's suite? That should have had a more successful ending. Wait, Peyton's 10 for his last 10? I  might have gone for it before the half if I'd known that. We're already talking about defensive fatigue, Simms? Though it should be noted that the Broncos got the ball to start the third quarter. Ball just plowed through the defense on that 3rd down run. Touchdown. Brady's all "I'm gonna have to do this myself again, aren't I?" The Patriots need this drive, and they probably need a touchdown. Everyone called time out there, apparently. The Patriots are still going for this. Aaaand that didn't work out so well. Knighton's been beating down fools all game and just got rewarded.


Julius Thomas just worked whoever was trying to cover him. Man, a touchdown would have ended it for sure. Although as badly as the Patriots are playing offensively, it might not matter. I mean, I didn't think they'd be able to score enough points but this is ridiculous.


How did Brady complete that? He was going down and lobbed it up there — I thought it had a better chance of getting intercepted. They needed that conversion. The overthrow followed by the touchdown to Edelman only underscores how not good Brady's been today. That's a big pickup from Peyton to Julius. But the one where he missed Demariyus could have ended it. Still, though. Uh-oh, Brady's doing that surgical thing. The Broncos are sitting back and the Patriots are killing them with underneath stuff. Brady could run for this. And he does! How do you fail to tackle Tom Brady, of all people? Just stand him up and wrap up. Not. Even. Close.


And that failed onside kick will put a wrap on this. Tamme! And that IS that. Hey, an Eli and Archie sighting! Also, John Fox's Revenge. (Broncos 26, Patriots 16)

Joe is PUMPED. Dr. Dre here to support his Beats clients. Stealing the "Crank It Up" box? The NASCAR people are gonna be PISSED. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL.


Giving up only three isn't the greatest thing here. Lynch got stuffed. That wasn't close either. That's why the fair catch signal was invented. You can't take that hit under any circumstances. Not sure how Reid didn't intercept that. It went off his hands! Kaepernick's running like he's playing the Packers. This is... I don't think he made it. Good thing these get reviewed. Nope. So what do the 49ers do? Run it back, that's what.
Wilson's getting chased all over this field.


Baldwin!! That may have been the miracle Greeny just referenced. The Seahawks are down enough receivers as it is — they better hope Baldwin's okay.


I don't like anything about this call. Not the call itself or the fact that the 49ers benefit from it.


Somehow, LaMichael James is back on this kickoff.


Whoa, Gore almost put that on the ground. Lynch is starting to find some holes. Like THAT one. That was the longest delay for an obvious touchdown ever.


I would have edited Cam's Play 60 commercial completely differently. They cut the best parts! Nice grab by Crabtree. Fumble! And the 49ers get lucky that their center ends up with it.


SO MUCH going on with that touchdown. First, Kaepernick was off the ground when he threw it. How did Earl Thomas not knock that down? Also, great concentration by Boldin there. Then Baldwin comes right back with a big kickoff return. The ones that are going the distance you can tell are going the distance. That one never looked like it but it was still huge.


The Seahawks cannot handle the 49ers' pressure. Taking out the punter? OK, that one's grounding.


They're gonna kick this? OK. That was disjointed. Now they're going for it? You can't ask for more than that. Free play and a touchdown!


Harbaugh is SOUR. Delay of game on San Francisco? That took longer than it normally does. FUMBLE! The Niners were due to lose one, too. Who's got this now? What all happened? Kearse didn't reach the end zone, Bowman has the ball on the replay, then gets hurt, and... loses it at some point? It's not reviewable because it was ruled that the Seahawks recovered. Oh man. And Pereira just said that who recovered it isn't reviewable, just whether it was a fumble or not. Oh, Bowman was down before he lost it? Wow. And now he's hurt? Oh God, his leg.


Now the Seahawks are going for it. FUMBLE! Well that worked out, I guess? I don't know. I tend to think not.




Kaepernick never should have thrown that pass. Just run straight ahead, Tate. Jebus. You've got the lead; you don't need to stop the clock. Converting that first down would have been preferable.


That wouldn't have worked anyway. How much time is left? Gore! Gotta play the man there, not the ball. Hey, a Vernon Davis sighting. Seahawks need to crank it up here. Tipped... INTERCEPTION! And there's where you play the ball. You KNOW Sherman loved doing that.









And we've got ourselves an old-school AFC West throwdown. See you in the urban jungle. (Seahawks 23, 49ers 17)

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By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Side Out


What's up with describing Brandi Carlile as a "Local recording artist" like they plucked her off the street or something? That's a terrible punt.  That hit's late. Also it caught Harvin in the helmet and we won't see him again until 2016. Seriously, when did Mark Ingram stop sucking? Damn it, Graham, you couldn't have done that last week?




Wilson got rid of it too fast. Hauschka sneaked that one through. Fumble? Fumble! There'll be no overturning that. Touchdown! And Lynch doesn't care who's trying to bear down on him. That looks like a good burger. Where do I get that? So are the Seahawks covering Graham with a tank or something? Who is Josh Hill and why is he being targeted? The left tackle did a good job of protecting Brees there despite the incompletion. That's more like it.


I think all that hit to Harvin did was piss him off. We're seeing a lot more of Robinson since Ingram's fumble. Good play by Wagner to knock that 4th down pass down. Did Brees not see him? Seriously, Lynch is all, "Y'all remember me, right?" That's a dangerous lob — WHOA! Nice catch by Harvin, who's the smallest guy out here. Not a good red zone sequence for the Seahawks. This is the longest kickoff setup ever. The Seahawks haven't changed their game at all. This is two weeks in a row where Brees hasn't played well in the first half. Bradshaw thinks it's the gloves? That's the best pass Brees has thrown all day. Running on 3rd and 9? Okay. That replay they just showed — that should be a fumble. Seahawks should have challenged.


I guess that's why Josh Hill is being targeted. Touchdown Saints, though it took some grinding at the end there.Amazingly this is a one-score game despite how thoroughly dominant the Seahawks have been. They have beaten down this Saints offense, along with poor execution and bad penalties like the one that wiped out that Stills catch. Robert Meachem... I don't know if he's a true bust but he's never really lived up to his first-round draft position.  But that catch he made is how Auburn beat Georgia. Why are the Saints trying this field goal? I know it's 4th and 15 but 48 yards INTO the wind? See? Wasn't even close. The best coach on the Saints sideline today has been Rob Ryan, and that's a thought I never dreamed I'd have.



VINTAGE BEAST MODE. That should wrap this up. Damn, Thomas isn't even trying to play off what happened to him there. Lot of "Don't get fired!" going on in the FOX booth right now. Wait, hang on here. Something's cooking. That OPI on Moore may have sunk this. Or not. First they've got to get the onside kick before anyone can worry about the fact that there's only 30 seconds left. They... got it? THE HELL IS COLSTON DOING? That's a fireable offense.

(Seahawks 23, Saints 15)

I still struggle with the idea that Allie LAFORCE is her real name. I suspect it's not. Anyone? More rain? Luck should never have thrown that ball. That happens a lot. Edelman's making $1M this year and he had the season the Patriots paid Danny Amendola big money to have. Speaking of Amendola, halfway through the first and he's still healthy — check your pool sheets. Did that skip off the ground? I guess not. This Pats' reinvention as a running team was absolutely necessary given all the inexperience at receiver and the... problems at tight end. Hilton's limping off? That's bad. Whoa! The Colts needed that. Their receivers have elevated their games since Reggie Wayne went out but they may need more than they can give now.
Good job by the Colts getting a field goal there after that — could have been disastrous otherwise.


High snap! Wait, that's a safety, what are they even discussing here? Unless there's a claim of an incomplete pass? Zoltan would not have screwed this up, by the way. The thing the punter should do there is just try to boot it out of the end zone.


Meanwhile, Luck was, er, blessed that that one wasn't intercepted. And cursed that that one was. Wait, Gostkowski punted that? Did Belichick bench the regular punter, too? I mean, we've seen Stevan Ridley tonight for the first time in five weeks. Oh, the punter's holding his shoulder? Nice route and catch by Hilton, losing Talib in the process. Uh oh, here come the Colts again. That was an unfortunate fizzle out. Amendola! Wait, what? That's a worse call than the one that screwed the Browns.


"Holder-challenged." Wow! Luck beats the blitz twice and just like that it's a seven-point game again.


Another big-time punt from Gostkowski. Who knew? This could add five years to his career. Man, Blount is SLOW. Brady's holding? Has he ever held? Maybe in his rookie year? Bad decision, Luck. That was double coverage before Collins (who's been huge tonight) swooped in. Well, that's that. I mean, these aren't the Chiefs. Why are the Colts punting on 4th and 1? Even Dierdorf's questioning it. Blount was faster there than he was on the touchdown run.





Oh, it was Lundquist. And Dick Enberg before him, too. (I couldn't remember who Dierdorf's partners were before Gumbel.) I much preferred his CBS work to his time on Monday Night Football, for the record. (Patriots 43, Colts 22)




I also support more instrumental anthems in general. That guy's a semi-regular anthem player at Eagles home games. Dude's a beast. Hold up. They called that a late hit? That wasn't as late as the one on Harvin yesterday. Then Kaepernick was lucky the next pass wasn't picked off. A wide receiver pass by Boldin? What? Did the 49ers see something?


This is really unimaginative play calling by Carolina here. Why not throw it or send Cam on a bootleg? Ted Ginn Jr. was a top-10 overall draft pick and this is really the only thing he excels at. Still, way to flip the field. That throw though. Cam placed it perfectly in the middle of good coverage. That long pass to Olsen on the next drive looked like it was headed for trouble, too. You know who else doesn't slide is Newton. The problem right now is that the Panthers' backs haven't done much so far and Newton's their best runner. WHAT. Why is Brooks running his mouth after he jumped OVER THE PANTHERS' OFFENSIVE LINE? That was amazing and terrible.

I think I'd normally want Rivera to go for it but what does he call that can work given what just happened.


Great leaping catch by Crabtree. And he jumped into Florence to get that pass interference call but whatever. Did Davis get that back foot down? That's the question. It may not matter now because Harbaugh had a heart attack and cost his team 15 yards. Well they're reviewing it. Pereira thinks it'll be a touchdown and the penalty will be enforced on the kickoff. He's right.


Boldin just embarrassed Munnerlyn on that one. What was that? Florence just flat out missed Kaepernick. I think that's what Harbaugh meant by "cranking" the chippiness up. Of course, the danger is in pissing the Panthers off.


This drive is taking a long time for something that doesn't seem to be progressing.


That didn't end well. Huh, hadn't seen the 49ers take too long to call a play yet until now. That's a backbreaker run by Gore and I'm not sure a field goal doesn't bury the Panthers here. That's a big penalty. And that bad throw by Cam probably ends it. That personal foul on 22 definitely does. (49ers 23, Panthers 10)

Yeah, that's a facemask. Couldn't tell at first. Figures, first time the Chargers actually cover someone and they miss an interception. Wait, the Chargers have used two timeouts already? Is Jim Harbaugh coaching?


Some physical running here by the Broncos at the end of this drive. And that's a touchdown. I think Thomas might have been down there. But I'm not sure enough to be confident in a reversal. Well, I've been wrong before. Rivers got crushed on that sack, which probably puts them Chargers in that no man's land where they might as well go for it. That kick never had a chance. Novak slipped? Seriously, the Broncos are really wearing the Chargers out with the run here. Another touchdown pass. How did Decker not break that punt return? Looks like the punter slipped chasing him down, too.


(I will refrain from making the Manti Te'o joke that eight million people have already made.) Can we get a dryer on that field? NICE pick by Butler in the end zone to kill the drive — that went off Decker's chest (and the coverage was good so he might not have caught it cleanly anyway).


Hey, Holliday's back and he almost broke that one. The Chargers are short on answers here. Man, Prater cut that CLOSE. I think the goalposts work the same way as the plane of the goal line where it just goes on forever. Hey, an Antonio Gates sighting. Hell, a Chargers FORWARD PASS sighting. I can count the number of things that have gone right for the Chargers on one hand. At least Scifres, their punter, is back. Good on the Chargers getting those run stops. Whoa, Prater doesn't miss but could you kind of see that coming the way his last attempt went?


The Punt, Pass and Kick kids are always a highlight. Cue the "Well, they switched to the no-huddle and it started working, so why didn't they do it sooner?" discussion. It's also interesting that Woodhead is the running back now, since he's the best pass catcher of the Chargers' backs and they've gotten nothing from Mathews. At least they won't get shut out. Wait, what's going on?


Man, Rivers is STAYING mad. And I can't blame him. Welker tripped and fell; that shouldn't be a flag on anybody. By the way, this is the guy who picked up the flag for no good reason at the end of Pats-Panthers, so. When's the last time a quarterback in this game lined up under center? Three straight Moreno runs and it's back to a 17-point lead. THAT was quick. Onside kick? Novak is working that tee like they're gonna do something. Chargers recover! Decker had it and let it get away from him. It is the Keenan Allen show out here now. Um... hang on here. Novak just kicked a field goal. They can't try another onside kick here, right? The probability of two in a row working isn't even on the board in Vegas, right? OK, they're kicking it deep. Smart. Good Lord. That coverage was so blown it was blown twice.

That Moreno run will sew this up.


(Broncos 24, Chargers 17)

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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Kinetic Slide

Uh-oh. Jamaal Charles is already walking off the field? That's potentially awful. Smith got chased on that 2nd and goal pass and it could have been disastrous. Bowe just got across the line. They're gonna wear Luck's arm out at this rate. It's all Hilton, all the time right now. That didn't take long. I don't know if the Chiefs kick this field goal if Charles is healthy. Then again. who knows what Andy'll ever do down here. The Colts have too many Boston College guys to be taken seriously. (Same for the Patriots and Rutgers, which I've discussed before.) So Donnie Avery outran everyone. That's two long pass plays so far. FUMBLE. Poor Trent Richardson, who's throwing up in his mouth on the sideline. (Not literally.)

SHOVEL PASS. Dump that "Song #2" remix ASAP, NBC DJ. The Colts really need Hilton to not be hurt badly if they want a shot to come back from this. Luck in the shotgun on 4th and inches? NICE. Slide! There he is. Man, somebody catch something. Andy's screen game has always been on point. Mayock's convinced the Colts' corners Davis and Toler are still hurt. He won't stop talking about it. I mean, he may be right — Toler's already left the game — but simmer down already. 31-10? That's a final. Who says the Chiefs can't score? Hilton tripped himself out of at least 10 more yards. Where was Luck going with that pass? Double coverage? That was the slowest non-fat guy return ever.

Oh, boy, that's another bad pass by Luck. Touchdown! This may officially be out of hand. Whoa! Nice catch by Rogers. Was Brown even touched? Fumble! Wait, hang on, that's pretty close to the sideline... did he have it? Yeah, I can't overturn that. Big break for the Colts.
Mentioned because Pagano appears to have Belichicked him. Here we go... this is the other thing that Luck does a lot of. These anonymous non-Hilton receivers are playing much better this half. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are running out of players. Good stop by the Colts defense after that touchdown. Uh-oh. Bad throw and everything, but it was in Hilton's hands and he couldn't hold on to it.The worst part of all of these Colt turnovers is that the Chiefs keep scoring points afterwards. Lots of big gains on this drive. That touchdown to Fleener was a bullet. There is plenty of time left in this game.


Dude's catching passes all over the place. I think this happened in their first meeting, too; just not to this destructive extent. Way to jinx Donald Brown's fumbling, Hicks. Wait, Luck did WHAT?!?!


How does no one see him? Or get to him before he crosses the goal line? The ball went backwards. Anything's possible at this point. The Chiefs are down to their third-string running back. Why are they calling time outs? That was puzzling. All that and now they're only up six with five-plus minutes left. OH MY GOD.
You know what the Chiefs could use is a couple of time outs. GROUNDING. A timeout AFTER THE TWO MINUTE WARNING? SERIOUSLY?

That was ridiculous. In every way possible. (Colts 45, Chiefs 44)

All right... let's do this.

You don't see Brees short hop a throw that often. Debris on the field? What is this, a NASCAR race? Oh, crap, did the Eagles jump on 4th and 2? NO! Spectacular. A couple of Brees' throws have been off already. Who kicked that into the end zone? CUT HIM.


OOPS. Interception! That ball kind of died up there and Stills couldn't adjust. Hey, McCoy gained yards on a carry. That hadn't happened yet. The fans are booing, which probably means the field goal team is out. Oh, it's a Saints injury that they're not buying. Bad move if it IS a fake, though — they're just giving Chip more time to decide what he wants to do. And McCoy got it anyway. Then Foles takes a bad sack and wastes the effort.

Then Henery misses a field goal that should have been 20 yards shorter than it was. Possible turnover here? He MIGHT be down. It's close. The other thing is, if he's ruled down (reversing the call), he's also short of the first down. Yep, they overturned it. Another false start? Wow. I didn't see him move on the replay. So six minutes into the second quarter and we have our first points.


I think Brees is the Saints' leading rusher so far. ANOTHER interception! They're not booing; they're saying "Coop." "American Bandstand"? Really? I think the DJ emptied his "Philadelphia" folder two weeks ago. Uh-oh, Foles is holding the ball again. Touchdown! Thank God Cooper got open.


That hold Brees begged for and got on Cox was the latest flag ever. Like, 2002 NCAA national title game late. I mean, it probably was a hold, but it's disingenuous as hell. That time the three-man rush worked. Moore on the touchdown was the first Saint tonight to get away from a defender after the catch. Cooper may have just dropped another touchdown, which hasn't happened very often this season. That's the first time Colston's seen the ball tonight and it won't count. Ingram's running like his job is at stake, and it kind of is. Did he get in? He did — you can tell from the other side. At least the Flyers just went ahead? And the Sixers are leading the Blazers by the same score IN PORTLAND. What's weird about the way this is playing out is that the Eagles' run defense was actually almost good this year. DeSean! Finally! Also he was held twice but whatever.


Touchdown McCoy. MOTOWNPHILLY. YES.

Good punt return by DeSean. Now it's the Eagles who are abusing this kid #38. And really, for a good #38 in the NFL you probably have to go all the way back to George Rogers. Oh boy. Now what? Fourth and 1 from the opponent's 6 in a six-point playoff game in the fourth quarter... I don't like kicking the field goal here. There's a false start on the field goal attempt, which pretty much settles that decision. I expect Patrick Chung to be plying his trade elsewhere next season. At least the Saints only got three out of it.


That's a BIG pass interference penalty. TOUCHDOWN. Either Jackson or Ertz was getting that one.


Horse collar on top of a big return by Sproles? Not good. It's weird having the Saints be in a position of having to prove something but here we are. Where'd this Robinson guy come from? Damn it. The worst part is the Saints are almost too far away from the end zone for the Eagles to just let them score. Think about this, Saints. Do you REALLY want to go back to Seattle? THINK ABOUT THIS.

And that's that. Well, that was fun while it lasted. (Saints 26, Eagles 24)

What, they couldn't get Ken Anderson to do the game intro with Fouts? I mean, I know Boomer's on staff but he wasn't in that game. (Was he even in college yet?) So this Green kid on the Chargers is their other tight end, yet I don't think he ever lines up as one. This drive feels like someone's picking at a scab, which would make the Wood head touchdown drawing blood. Wow, Dalton missed Bernard badly on that one.


Obligatory chili montage. And Rivers misses Allen badly to counter.

Dalton almost got plastered on that touchdown pass, and Gresham almost didn't catch it. I should mention at some point that the Chargers have lost their starting center, which makes this about the 5,791st offensive line combination they've used this season. And King Dunlap had a really good year, which is stunning to me. Really, McCoy? That's the kind of low-reward, doomed-to-fail challenge that Marvin usually pulls.

Nice catch on the sideline by Jones again. Nooooo Gio! Wait, was he down? Oh, OK, he definitely wasn't — I'm asking the wrong question. Yeah, turning and taking two steps is a football move. Hey, they got it right! Good job, sirs. Fans are booing and the clock's running. Oh, he didn't go forward? That's a rule? I did not know that. Why are they reviewing the catch? This actually benefits the Bengals because it stops the clock, and even more if it's an incomplete pass because they should get those eight seconds or whatever back. So it's a catch.

So the spike DOESN'T COUNT? Now they have to kick this, like, immediately. Is Shannon Sharpe wearing purple velvet? Punting at midfield isn't appreciably better, Bengals. The Chargers are walking down this field and now they have the lead back. Dumb dive, Dalton, whether this is a fumble or not. I mean, that's WHY you slide, so nothing can happen to you. It's a fumble, and he would have been short of the first down even if it hadn't been. Like I said, dumb dive. Hey, it's raining. The blitz caused that interception. Wait, James Harrison just committed a needlessly stupid and dangerous penalty? That's never happened before. That's a semi-critical stop by Maualuga. I say semi-critical because the Bengals' offense has done absolutely nothing this half. I mean, A.J. Green has three catches.
More field goals! Oh. That's just a bad everything by Dalton.




Wow. Green had double coverage beaten and still couldn't hang on. That's the way things have gone for the Bengals today. And the fourth down throw goes five yards over the receiver's head. Shut it down. What, again? I mean, make it stop. We don't need to play these last five minutes. The Bengals aren't coming back. You know who's even more pissed right now? Steelers fans. I meant to mention this earlier but I'm a but surprised Ronnie Brown's gotten so much run in this game. Did Mathews get hurt and I missed it?


(Chargers 27, Bengals 10)


Good Lord, this field looks like a farm yard. I'm looking for feeding troughs and chicken coops. Someone got crossed up on that failed 3rd down. They're going for it? Yeah, I guess they have to — 4th and 6 from the opposing 40 is no man's land. What the... seriously? Harbaugh burns timeouts like he's the brother who coached under Andy Reid for six years. Does Kaepernick always roll left? Even on run plays? Man, Shields and Neal are already out for Green Bay. The Packers have attempted one pass so far. Kaepernick screwed that one up. And why throw in Williams' direction, anyway? They'd done so well picking on House.

And from the air, the field looks like a dirt race track. Daniel Snyder sees nothing wrong with this.


Hey, the Packers are throwing the ball now! About time, McCarthy. And Rodgers finishes it off with an actual frozen rope to Nelson. There's the big Kaepernick run that the Packers always give up. Gore lives up to his name. Buck called that Eric Reid interception like he knew it was coming back. It feels like the Packers haven't stopped throwing once they finally started. They have been mixing in the run, but it doesn't feel like they have. They may as well just run a play on third down here with the clock running. Just not THAT one. And didn't they have a time out left? Well, they got three out of it. We are seeing some historically bad timeout management and the second half just started. That was all quite ineffective. Another one? Andy Reid is shaking his head.


Other than that, this third quarter has been pretty much a non-event except for Brent Celek's little brother catching a pass and Rodgers getting sacked twice in a row. The Packers are really working the run game on this drive. WOW. How did the 49ers let Rodgers get away there? And a Kuhn run seals it. He doesn't make his money with his hops, I'll tell you that much. Attacking House was bound to yield a flag at some point. Now he's hurt?


Nice spin by Davis to catch that. Both of these guys can bring serious velocity on their throws. Getting Rodgers back these last two weeks has done so much for the Packers' offense and that's obvious, but getting Cobb back at the same time really does add another layer. That probably should have been a touchdown.


Every big run Kaepernick's had today — and against the Packers in general — has been to the left side, whether Clay's been there or not. (And it's telling that I'm only now mentioning that Clay Matthews hasn't played today.)

This ending feels... familiar. (49ers 23, Packers 20)


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Thursday, August 11, 2011

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: The Cliffhanger

The post right underneath this one says that the rest of last year's postseason will be posted when the lockout ends. Well, the lockout's over. And since I am a man of my word, here it is.

(My file for the conference title games got corrupted and I both can't and don't really want to reconstruct the whole thing almost from scratch. All you need to know is that Todd Collins took meaningful snaps in a conference championship game in 2011 and that Mark Brunell almost did. And I don't think I need to tell you who they played for and what happened to them.)

Onward.

Last time, in the National... Football League:

And it's time for the Reading of the Historical Document. I didn't get this last time, either.

Big D, Big D, big city, big dreams...

No shot we kick off at 6:29. None WHATSOEVER. Christina might still be singing at 6:29.

Did she just repeat the 'twilight's last gleaming' line?

I'm just going to assume we're getting a Fast 5 trailer at some point tonight.

Nice tie, Deion.

No full-body motion chyrons this year? I'm disappointed.

A muffed punt! We got us a situation here. Whose ball is it? Somebody fall on it! Packers hang on to it.

That pass needs to be caught, Jordy.

Not sure I would have thrown it there (and Mendenhall was apparently open)

Nice work by Rodgers to avoid the rush and find Jackson.

GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Nelson catches basically the same pass he dropped on the first drive.

Bryant McFadden's hurt for the Steelers. That could be bad.

And that could be worse. And it is. Touchdown Nick Collins.

Yep. Ben was hit as he threw it and it hung up there. Collins just had to find it and make sure he caught it.

Now Flozell is down for Pittsburgh? They're out of offensive linemen, aren't they? Seriously, wasn't Nagursky the last guy they had left?

Good omen for GB: No team has ever lost a Super Bowl in which they've returned an interception for a touchdown.

Field goal Steelers. They needed something.

Jarret Bush? Really? Why is Jarret Bush playing in the Super Bowl?

And Rodgers comes back with a laser. If Ryan Clark's a second later, he either knocks that ball down or collides with Polamalu.

Now Woodson's out? That makes what, half the Packers' remaining roster?

Nice misdirection by Ward in the end zone to turn that defender around. Steelers got the touchdown they needed.

I gotta tell you, this is the first Domino's pizza I've had in years, and it's the best Domino's I've ever had by an almost immeasurable margin.

Countdown Live: "Is Fergie wearing shoulder pads? She should stay on the field after halftime. Pack might need her in the defensive backfield."

Ah, there's Usher. I'd heard rumors.

Woodson OUT. That's BAD news for the Pack.

This start isn't much better. Two straight penalties?

Hey, the Steelers ran to the left for once.

Touchdown. We got us a game.

Time out? What?

Why am I seeing a guy named Zombo so much? He just got a big sack, though.

Ladies and gentlemen... Shaun Suisham. Though it's not like the Steelers had much choice — it's 4th and 15. You're not going for it in that spot.

Another time out? Is Mike Martz coaching the Steelers?

Brett Swain? Who is Brett Swain? Is he the Packers' Blair White? Oh, he's replacing Donald Driver, who will also not be returning to this game.

So the Packers are challenging this... why? Wouldn't it be Steelers' ball if it's a catch and fumble? Because that's what it would end up being, wouldn't it?

Fumble! If the Packers turn this into points that might be it. And you can't even really blame that one on Mendenhall — he had it secure and just got crumpled by Matthews and Pickett.

Packers receivers continuing to do their best Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl impression.

Is this a career game for Jordy Nelson? And who thought Jordy Nelson would have a career game in the Super Bowl?

Touchdown Jennings. And I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage.

Steelers are working the screens on this drive.

And all to set up for THAT. I'M MIKE WALLACE.

Hey, let's go for two. They can do pretty much anything with Randle El out there. That'll work.

Again, I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage. There's no way he's 100 percent, right?

Ohhh, THAT was close. Now the Packers have to kick the FG...

Hottest shoe commercial ever?

Ben hasn't played well tonight but he can erase it all here, and there's certainly precedent for it. (Also, the Steelers could use those two time outs back.)

Bad throw... through Wallace's hands. No contact. Game, set, match.

Brett who? Also, 49ers fans everywhere are sobbing.

"Cheese Stands Alone?" Really, ESPN.com? Really?

(Packers 31, Steelers 25)

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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Aerial Assaults

I don't think I've ever seen a challenge on the opening kickoff before. It worked! And assuming similar play calling by the Ravens (dangerous, I know) that saved the Steelers being down at least three. Between the Ward-Reed dustup on the first series and Ike Taylor headbutting Housh, this game could end in an actual fistfight. I don't like the Ravens throwing this much this early on because there's no need to. Especially when you have Ray Rice, who can do things like that. I'm not sure what the best part of the Cory Redding touchdown was: Everyone standing around for a good 10 seconds before Redding decided, "Hey, let's try something. I'll pick this up," or the delay between Redding getting the ball and starting to run and two of his teammates realizing what was happening and saying to themselves, "We should probably go after him just in case something goes wrong." Let's see these replays. Oh, that's a fumble. Dierdorf's called both turnovers and the challenge on the kickoff so far. It's the end of the first quarter and Tomlin's out of challenges. Who is he, Mike Martz? Polamalu completely whiffing on Rice was bizarre and rare. That was also a fumble and this is not how I expected this game to start. Going for it on 4th and 7? Still, probably better than trusting the notoriously shaky Shaun Suisham. Oh, they are going to kick it. And he MISSES. Figures. Now they absolutely need to score on this opening drive in the third. Or get a turnover immediately afterwards. Nice job punching that ball out, Clark. Aaaand we've got a game again. Interception! Tie game. Flacco has fallen apart — he's completed one pass this quarter and it was fumbled. You know who hasn't fallen apart is Terrell Suggs. Can't say the same for the rest of this defense, though, giving up 17 unanswered. All right, hang on — it's been too long since we've had an illegal block or a hold on a kick return. Yep, there we go. Tied again! But who thought it'd be 24-24 or that we'd get here the way we did? ANTONIO BROWN? REALLY? The Ravens' cornerbacks just got horribly exposed. Again. Seems like it's only a matter of time now. There it is. (Steelers 31, Ravens 24)

PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Because that's what happens to you if you don't. I have to say, this Falcons secondary? Not really that great. The Packers are doing a little bit of the nickel-and-dime stuff that the Falcons had a lot of success with at times, but they're using a lot more shotgun than the Falcons normally do. SPECIAL TEAMS. It looked like Weems got exactly one block. The Packers are just relentlessly picking on this Owens kid. And he just got flagged to wipe out a third-down sack. B.J. Raji in the backfield? I think they're going to run. Good luck stopping it. Jenkins slipped? Can you have wet turf indoors? James Jones making up for last week there. Pick six! I understand why the Falcons went for it but that throw was Doomed To Failure. Chew on this: Tramon Williams is solely responsible for at least a 24-point swing in the span of about three minutes. He's not a Pro Bowler why again? Starks is running better here in the second half and the Falcons look absolutely shellshocked. The Falcons having all these free pass rushers and not getting to Rodgers reminds me of Mike Mamula's entire career. Kuuuuuuuuhn. This has officially gotten out of hand now. I don't see a grand comeback here. Crosby clanging that field goal off the upright is the third thing the Packers did wrong tonight. Put in Flynn! This one's gonna sting for a bit. (Packers 48, Falcons 21)

Greg Olsen! You should tell your offensive coordinator to call more plays for you because you're probably the best pass-catcher the Bears have. Oh no. How did John Carlson land on his head? This is not the same Seahawks team we saw last week. Nice work, Jon Ryan — a bad punt right to Hester, who brings it back to midfield. Cutler's making this look easy. Conversely, the Seahawks are making this look very difficult. At least the snow's slowed down somewhat. Cutler has wheels? Oh boy. I feel like we're officially at the point now where the quarterback who just stands in the pocket like a statue is an old-time relic along with the single-bar face mask. Hey, a field goal! At least they won't get shut out. I thought the bears had called off the dogs but they just hit a 40-yard touchdown pass on 3rd and 1 with seven minutes left. These Seahawk scores will look nice on the stat sheet but that's about it. Not that it matters but why not kick a field goal there? Again, not that it matters. Just a curious decision. Butch: "This epidemic is so bad in the last 36 hours Ravens, Falcons and Seahawks have fallen out of the sky." (Bears 35, Seahawks 24)

It's astounding to me how quickly and decisively the Jets have usurped the title of "most despised team in football" from the Patriots and the Cowboys. No pregame fight? Shocking. What was that, Brady? Absolutely terrible throw. It looked like a shot put. So naturally the Jets come out and lose eight yards on their first two plays. There's the Nick Folk we know and love. Alge Crumpler not only still being alive, but somehow turning up in New England stunned me. How did he miss that one? He's clearly lost his touch. LDT, however, hasn't. If anyone's been more tormented by the Patriots in the playoffs during this run than LaDanian Tomlinson, I'd like to know who it is. Even Peyton beat them eventually. That's the second straight punt the Jets punter has dropped right into the end zone from inside Patriots' territory. Maybe the Jets should just start going for it. Wha... what was that? Did the Patriots really call a fake punt with 1:15 left in the half from their OWN 38? Absolutely terrible. Edwards towing two Patriots into the end zone was pretty neat. Going to the no-huddle late in the third quarter seems to have finally energized the Pats' offense. Who thought Rob Gronkowski would end up being the Pats' best deep threat in this game? Crumpler got that one. "Do something differently," Phil? The Patriots have been running that direct snap for years. Bomb to Cotchery! Holmes didn't catch that, did he? Did he get his feet down? Oh, there's the knee hitting. The Patriots need two scores and have already run the ball three times on this drive. The Pats fans are booing the playcalling, and rightly so. Andy Reid's watching this and wondering, "What's taking them so long?" Why are you talking smack, Deion Branch? You're down 10 in the fourth quarter at home and have wasted about four minutes on this drive. And then you dropped a fourth-down pass that went through your hands. Now Reid's saying to himself, "At least we eventually scored when we did that." That might be it, folks. Well, wait, the Patriots got a stop. Oh, now you decide to do nothing but pass? And only get a field goal out of it? Smooth. Onside kick. Cromartie picks it up and returns it to the 25-yard line? That was more than a little risky. Touchdown Jets! That's it! I never thought I'd say this about Rex Ryan, but he was way too modest after the game — he completely outcoached Belichick. Of course, Belichick hasn't coached a game this badly since he was in Cleveland. (Jets 28, Patriots 21)
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Road Cooking

If this were a regular season game, Ron Pitts and John Lynch would be calling it. I mean, it's hard to bury a playoff game but NBC almost did it. There's an inauspicious beginning. The Seahawks were fortunate to only give up three there — they can thank Bush for that drop. Tipped pass gets picked? It's getting worse. Lawyer Milloy's still alive? This is a key sequence for the Seahawks because every game they've lost this season they've lost big and ugly, and they need to get something here to stay in this one. Julius Jones? Julius Jones, making Seahawks fans everywhere hate him even more. Poor Roman Harper. First getting run down by Sam Bradford and now this. Again John Carlson gets wide open — the Saints cover tight ends like the Eagles. Brandon Stokley's still alive? Are... are the Seahawks ahead? At halftime? It's only four points; this can't last. Well, now it's 11 points. The Saints have become completely one-dimensional here on offense and they've been nothing short of awful on defense. My God this stadium is loud. Where is Bush, anyway? Bad unnecessary roughness penalty on Clemons. You can't make it easy for the Saints at this point in the game — two touchdowns is nothing to these guys. Julius Jones scores again. Three straight passes, Seahawks? Here's where the Saints having almost no running game really works against them: Thomas or Ivory gets a touchdown there instead of having to kick a 21-yard field goal. O. M. G. That's what Marshawn Lynch calls BEAST MODE, which in my mind's eye looks something like this:



Seriously, that may be the greatest thing he's ever done. Tracy Porter took that stiff-arm like he was a door flying off an exploding car. I'm trying to decide what's more impressive: the 60 pass attempts for Brees or the zero interceptions. This isn't over yet! Really, Sean Payton? A two-point conversion try to stay in a playoff game and you send an ice-cold DeShawn Wynn up the middle? THE KINGS ARE DEAD. LONG LIVE THE... well, let's not get carried away. Even though the Seahawks played their best game in about three years (and the Saints arguably their worst), we all know the real reason they won:

The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways. (Seahawks 41, Saints 36)

THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL. Rex should probably see a professional about that. Let's remember also that the Colts were the No. 3 seed when they won their last Super Bowl. Hey, they got across midfield. There's a development. GARCON! Sanchez should stop throwing to Dustin Keller... it has yet to end well. Aaaand there's an interception in the end zone on another try to Keller to end the half. What a waste that was. At least they get the ball to start the second half. There you go, Keller. If anyone knows anything about beating the Colts in the playoffs, it's LDT. Is Reggie Wayne being triple-teamed or something? I haven't heard his name called all night. (Aside: Wayne was one of the candidates for the Madden 11 cover. Had he won, we would have had the Super Bowl loser on the Madden cover and there's a non-zero chance he'd be dead right now.) Were there really only three possessions in the third quarter? There's Tomlinson again. Ooooh, Peyton and Blair White (?!) couldn't connect and that would have given them a chance to ice it. REAL KICKERS DO REAL THINGS. So do real kickoff returners — that was big. Why did the Colts call time out? Did you see Peyton's face when they announced it? He looked like someone had just told him the Earth was flat. Seriously, why did they do that? That just gave the Jets more time to get closer for a kick that Nick Folk can actually make. I've been hard on Braylon in the past but he's actually had a good year not dropping the football. Nick Folk... does real kicker things? (Jets 17, Colts 16)

Ah, Arrowhead. It's been too long. Eric Berry's already flying all around the field. Ray Rice's absence on that third and goal from the 1-foot line was... odd. There's a fumble and Flacco just has to do a better job protecting the ball. This defense isn't catching Jamaal Charles. From what little I've seen from the Chiefs these days, the biggest differences between this year and last are not only vastly improved team speed (I remember remarking how slow they were when they played the Eagles and Giants on back-to-back weeks last year) and the light going on for a few other guys. OK, there's Rice. Todd Heap has been running wild in this game. Chiefs are going for it here? Fourth and one and you call a toss play? Really? No wonder Charlie Weis is leaving. This is starting to get out of hand. Terrible interception by Cassel and that might be the end of it. His arm is coming forward. The Arrowhead PA is playing "Tell Me Something Good" during the challenge. It worked! At least something did. Kevin Curtis is still alive? I mean, not that it matters, but it's nice to know in the end. (Ravens 30, Chiefs 7)

This feels... familiar. Well, at least it did up until Akers... missed the field goal? That doesn't happen. Tom Crabtree? Who is Tom Crabtree? And along the same lines, when did the Packers finally find a running game? This could be dangerous if this keeps up. Did McCoy roll onto DeSean's leg? Oh boy. And here's another unsettling development: The Packers are continuing to run the ball. Why were they wasting their time with Brandon Jackson all year with this Starks guy sitting in cold storage? Also, what's with all the drops? James Jones could have ended this game before halftime if he'd hung on to that one. It looks like Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl out there. FUMBLE. Michael Vick throws darts. We've got a game finally. Speaking of Brandon Jackson, that was a good job by him on the touchdown to not get tackled while waiting for his blockers to catch up. Akers missed AGAIN?! That's a bad omen. Is Starks the new Antowain Smith? Seriously. Go for it! You've got no choice now! When all else fails, run the sneak with Vick. Go for two! Yes! Wait, what? He stepped out of bounds? Oh, Celek. It really hasn't been a good year at all, has it. Wait... why are they lining up again? What just happened here? (Seriously, I missed the explanation for this, so if anyone's got it, I'd be much obliged.) Vick's limping again. Oh man, if Kolb has to come in, that would just complete the circle, wouldn't it? Oh, this doesn't look good... and it ends just like that. Look, I had the Eagles 8-8 at best and finishing last. This is gravy. Well, garlic butter, as I've never been a gravy fan. But you see my point. (Packers 21, Eagles 16)
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Thursday, January 28, 2010

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: B.T.S.I.

A missed field goal inside 40 yards in the playoffs? That's never hap– oh, wait. Actually, the remarkable thing here is that it happened to the Jets this time instead of against them. Wow. Not only did that play-fake fool everybody, but Braylon actually caught the pass. I'm not sure which is more impressive. That quarterback sneak looked as bad as Eli's last-gasp one against the Eagles in last year's playoffs. I'll say it again: Mannings don't make their money with their feet. Whoa, they let Brad Smith throw a pass. They almost scored there – the ball floated a bit and Cotchery couldn't get clear of the defender. The Jets have gotten pretty much everything they could have wanted so far – they've hit a few big plays and kept the Colts out of the end zone. Let's see if it lasts. And there's a turnover! IF the Jets can get six here it might be time to get concerned. But they don't, and that's a big hold by the Colts defense. See, here's the problem the Jets face: As good as Revis is, he can't cover four people at once, and Peyton's just not even looking in his direction any more no matter where he is. Beautiful. The DB there just mis-timed his jump and Collie caught it in stride. Touchdown! That was big.

It'll be interesting to see what happens now that Greene's down – Thomas Jones is no slouch, but they've really been riding Greene during this run. I don't know if I would have tried a field goal there, but it's really no man's land in that spot – the Colts' 34 is too close to punt, but fourth-and-7 is probably too far to go for it. Nantz points out that the two Jets wearing casts couldn't wrap Addai up. Have the Colts run the ball since his fumble? I'm not sure. And, seemingly inevitably, the Colts take the lead. Rex is hot about something. Oh, that's what – Sanchez just got blindsided. You know who's having a good day is the Colts' punter. Wayne was lucky to fall on that one. The Colts need a touchdown here. And thanks to the Jets' coverage issues, they're going to get it. How does Dallas Clark, of all people, get that open there? It really almost isn't worth betting against Peyton Manning at this point. (Colts 30, Jets 17)

Earplugs? Pansies. The Vikings are starting out doing what the Cowboys tried to do to them last week, which is worth noting somehow. Nice hole for Peterson to run through when they finally got around to running. Sweet cutback to the inside by Pierre Thomas on the screen pass. Ouch! Favre took a shot there. Throw a flag! It was after a handoff, for crying out loud. This is gonna be one of those games, isn't it? Bush plucked that one out of the air, didn't he? Hey, Reggie, you know that deal you allegedly made with Kim? You sure you want to be doing things like that? That is... yeah, he's got that. I don't even know who the Saints' nominal starters at wide receiver are and it really doesn't matter, thinking about it. Favre is taking some serious hits. Things have slowed down somewhat. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. THAT GOES FOR ALL OF YOU. There's at least three points down the drain. That's a big return to open the second half. David Thomas hasn't gotten this much run ever. What, again? If I'm Brad Childress, I'm putting in a call to Tom Coughlin to find out how he fixed Tiki's fumbling problem. Because this can be solved, and it's going to have to be solved. That's more like it. Seriously, Favre is getting his ass kicked out there. A high-low shot? Is he all right?

Of course he's coming back in. Whatever Peterson's got is apparently contagious. Oh, I see – that last spin Bush made as he got hit turned him around so that he could stick the ball over the pylon. Now BERRIAN'S fumbling? Unbelievable. Can anybody here hold on to the ball? All of a sudden the Saints can't cover Shiancoe. Try holding on to this one, Adrian. And we're tied. Two minutes, 37 seconds left. Your move, Brett. Twelve men in the huddle? Really, Vikings? Really? And after a time out, to boot? Now they're out of field goal range – or, at least, 2010 NFL Playoffs field goal range. GOOD GOD FAVRE WHAT ARE YOU DOING. And Aikman immediately says, “That's the first thing they teach you is not to do that.” Much like Nick Harper in 2006, if Porter cuts in the opposite direction of where he did cut, he's gone. Overtime! And this could conceivably go on for days. Having Thomas return this kickoff when he didn't return any of the others in this game – or, for that matter, this year (he was the kickoff returner last year) shows you how important this one is. I don't know about that pass interference call. Pierre needs to get a tighter hold on the ball if he's going to go airborne like that. Hasn't he been watching the game? Yes, Mark Brunell is still alive. You might not have known that before now. It's GOOD!

In 2001, Kevin Nash tore his bicep during a WWF wrestling match. About eight months later, on his first night back from that injury, he was in a 10-man tag team match and he blew out his knee. I was reminded of this while watching Favre take hit after hit after hit (and not actually get sacked once!) and said the same thing I said back then: This is a sign from God. He's telling you to stop. Nash didn't listen, and he's been doing the same thing over and over again since then. And Favre's last three seasons have ended with two interceptions and an illegal forward pass penalty.

Or, put more simply: Brett Favre IS who we THOUGHT HE WAS. (Saints 31, Vikings 28, OT)


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Listening to: Talking Heads - Life During Wartime
via FoxyTunes

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Thursday, January 21, 2010

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: Laces Out

This happened last week, right? No? Oh, not right away. Gotcha. I believe this is 82 consecutive drives where the Cardinals' defense hasn't forced a punt. (Slight exaggeration. Also I'm not about to use a hash tag in a blog.) FOX ran five replays of the last three plays and I still don't think they every figured out what actually happened to Shockey's leg. Man, DRC and Rolle out? This could get ugly if the Saints score again. Right on cue! I guarantee that whoever just ate the business end of Reggie Bush's shoulder wasn't expecting it. Nice spin move afterward. Oh, a Saints punt. They called roughing the passer for that? Weaksauce. Though it's a potential game-changer because if the Saints get the ball back and score another touchdown, this game's over. And yes, I know the second quarter just started. Is Boldin playing? Because the Cards don't seem to need him. We've got a game here. Or not. CHICANERY~~~~! That's a clean hit. Standard-issue body check. Dude didn't leave his feet or anything. The Cardinals' defense can't stop anything right now. Another touchdown. Matt Leinart lives! I see Rackers still has the shakes. Warner's back, but why? On the opposite side of the spectrum, why punt here? It's the playoffs! You gotta win! And so much for that after Bush runs that one back. The Saints are calling off the dogs now. Was that a tight end reverse? (Saints 45, Cardinals 14)

One important difference is that the rest enabled the Colts to heal up, except for Viniatieri, who's inactive but still stashed on the roster. The Colts' engine is humming. Anyone else think the Ravens are throwing too much? This team is absolutely not equipped to get into a shootout. Still, both defenses have held up very well so far, so the Ravens could do this if they get a big play and can hold on to their edge. Hey, that's the same terrible play Belichick called on fourth and 2. I don't care if it worked. This Colts drive feels like it's lasted about two hours. Eight minutes? OK. Touchdown. What was the flag on Lewis about? He didn't get there late, did he? I couldn't tell. Did the Colts just score again? That took about nine seconds. The Ravens are hurting themselves with flags – is this the first game again? GARCON! PUNCH! This IS the first game again. Friends, I've watched a lot of football for a long time, and I can't remember ever seeing one player lose two interceptions on the same drive. Hey, another successful field goal. How does Rice let himself get chased down by a defensive tackle? (By the way, that Rice-Brock meetup? Rutgers vs. Temple.) That couldn't have been a comfortable landing. Next! (Colts 20, Ravens 3)

I find it interesting that the Cowboys are coming out throwing the ball. FUMBLE. AGAIN. Really, Wade? You're gonna try a 48-yard field goal on fourth and 1 from the opposing 30 with a bad kicker? shakes head Why is a linebacker covering Sidney Rice? I have to think that the offensive line's struggles over the last month of the regular season are at least somewhat responsible for Peterson's struggles at the same time. Seems like it can't be a coincidence and it isn't being talked about. Speaking of things that aren't being talked about, has anyone seen Roy Williams? (Here's a fun stat: You know who had more catches than Roy this season? Michael Crabtree. In four fewer games.) It's the Sidney Rice show! And again a linebacker ended up chasing him. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Well that was a bit after the whistle. Man, Dallas is completely reverting to playoff form here – confused quarterback, overmatched offensive line, defensive support players coming up small. This couldn't have happened last week? I mean, I'm still enjoying it, but really. Okay, I'm gonna go outside and practice my placekicking. This'll keep. Yes, I know it's raining. That's even better. Adverse conditions and all that. This isn't even an isolated playoff phenomenon. This has been going on for the last month. Man, Edwards was crushing fools before he got hurt. Sidney Rice again! That'll be that, I suppose. Okay, that last touchdown? Unnecessary. But... really, Keith Brooking? Really? That's the closest you've gotten to Favre all day, by the way. I'm hopelessly biased, but that little display, in a nutshell, is why the Cowboys are so universally despised. Bunch of arrogant tools who turn into whiny babies when things don't go their way and have the biggest sense of entitlement outside of South Bend. I award them no points, and may God have mercy on our souls. (Vikings 34, Cowboys 3)

Three domed stadiums and San Diego. JANUARY FOOTBALL. GAH. Nate Kaeding's in the Pro Bowl this year, too, which makes that miss even more maddening. Chargers are committing a lot of little crap penalties. This feels like exactly the kind of game the Jets want. As good as Revis is, I still feel compelled to ask why defensive backs haven't gotten taller to match up with all the tall receivers in the league now. Though someone should have been watching Wilson. This'll be a close review – it's the kind of break the Jets'll need to get if it holds. But it doesn't. Ah well. The Jets are running Shonn Greene into the ground. Holy crap, Braylon caught a pass! Seriously, this game is right there for the Jets to steal if they can hit something... but the Jammer pick's not gonna help matters. The Revis pick might. That's a clutch punt. That may be the break the Jets were looking for. More stupid Chargers penalties. Touchdown Jets? Touchdown Jets! What's going on here? The Chargers almost gave that one away too. No one's really played that well for the home side. GREENE WITH THE DAGGER! Are the Jets going to the AFC championship game? The Jets are going to the AFC championship game. I'm going to repeat this because it bears repeating: Nate Kaeding is a PRO BOWL KICKER. THIS YEAR. And he might be out of work the following Monday. This right here is the Bolts' last chance. Wait, what's this flag? Jackson kicked the challenge flag? That's Raider-esque. Also I don't think the Chargers have called a running play since the first quarter. All right, we'll count the sneak. OK, why did the Chargers onside kick at that point? They were gonna get the ball back. We haven't seen much of Thomas Jones today. There he is! This should never have happened. Butch: “Rooting for the Chargers is like being in love with a stripper.” On the other side, I had the Jets dead and buried three weeks ago. (Jets 17, Chargers 14)


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Listening to: Company of Thieves - Pressure
via FoxyTunes

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Thursday, January 14, 2010

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: The Wild Card Grind

This may not be a catch. Hang on. Nope. And the Bengals score two plays later anyway. Cotchery returns punts? Did I not know that? I guess it makes sense with Leon Washington out with a broken freaking leg. Yeah, I didn't think Shonn Greene was that fast either. The Bengals are stuttering in fits and starts. Sanchez really hasn't taken any chances yet. Until THAT. Jay Feely having to punt because the punter's sick is throwing me off. Was that a quick kick? Benson's the only Bengals offensive player to show up today really. GAH. Come on, Shayne Graham. Thirty-five yards? Hey, Braylon with a catch. That touchdown just might seal this the way the Bengals have been going offensively – they're not really built to play from behind anyway and the Jets have bottled up their passing game. I stand corrected? Benson is carrying this team. And now the Jets come right back and start chewing up clock. Really, Marvin? A field goal from the 11 down by 10 points? Graham missed again? What's going on here? That guy's good. Huh. Rex was right. How about that. (Jets 24, Bengals 14)

Uh-oh... the Cowboys are opening up big running lanes just like last week. Not a good sign. That's a key sack. The timeout on the punt is barely worthy of mention. John Phillips? Who is John Phillips? I don't know what the future holds for Michael Vick football-wise but I'll say this: He's still got a big-time arm. He gunned that pass to Maclin. The Cowboys are running through the Eagles like Snapple. Conversely, it'd be nice if the Eagles called more than one running play on every drive. This is what got them into trouble last week. Can we get a stop one time? I think McNabb overthrew Jackson on that same pattern last week too. Seriously, ONE TIME. The Cowboys have scored on five straight possessions. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And there's another one. This was an average defense that suddenly went bad in the last month. I feel like no progress was made on this drive even though they got from inside their own 20 to midfield. They're not going to catch Felix Jones. The only two guys who might are on the Eagles sideline and in Tennessee. This game is taking forever and it's not just because the Eagles are getting beat down. Me, just before the end of the third quarter, which was just before 11: “Are we gonna get this?” Well that was too little, too late. At least we know it still works. Okay, the Cowboys calling nothing but runs now will speed up the agony. Eight minutes? I fear for the future if the Cowboys have finally figured it out. (Cowboys 34, Eagles 14)

RAY RICE IS THE GREATEST SCARLET KNIGHT OF ALL TIME. I realize it's not that long a list but beggars can't be choosers. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Another one? Wow, who'd have thought Tom Brady would have the worst performance of any quarterback in the wild-card round? There are people still sitting down (long lines at the hot lobster roll stands, to be sure) and it's 14-0. Who is Sam Aiken and why is he playing a semi-prominent role? I feel like that's part of the problem. Now we've got some foolishness on this punt. Wow, the Ravens could've won a challenge there. A touchdown here is either great or backbreaking, depending on your perspective. And there it is. Jebus. Twenty-four? Did I wake up in an alternate universe or something? Seriously, this doesn't happen to the Patriots. Has Flacco thrown a pass yet? Oh, OK, it's just no wide receiver has caught one yet. That's fine. Hey, the Pats scored. Hey, a Randy Moss sighting. That's a risky play by Flacco stretching the ball out like that with a defender closing in. I don't know if they'll get this or not. WOW. That's as close as it gets, friends. Four rushing touchdowns? And here I thought the Ravens' offense would be the only one in the playoffs the Patriots could stop. Not only has that not been the case, but Baltimore hasn't had to go through the air. They're kicking a field goal? Really, Belichick? Down 19 points with seven minutes left? Way to wave the white flag. And then he misses to boot. Is that a playoff beard Ed Reed's sporting? That's the long version. The short version would have been to copy the Cowboys-Eagles recap and just replace all the names where appropriate, because the only difference between the Eagles and Pats right now is nobody's talking about getting rid of Tom Brady. (Ravens 33, Patriots 14)

BARCAAAAAAAAA. (Tenerife 0, Barcelona 5)

No Boldin? That's big. Turnover on the first play? That's bigger. Dockett and Watson in the backfield on the touchdown? That's massive. Didn't we JUST see this? Maybe 'no Boldin' isn't that big after all. This is not a team you want to get in a big hole against when it's firing on all cylinders and you can't get out of your own way. Well, the Packers finally get a break with Fitz's fumble; let's see what happens. That is a much-needed touchdown. But the Packers didn't need to give up one immediately afterward. So, wait now – if the horse-collar call on Dockett stopped the clock, why couldn't the Packers run another play there? Strange. Has every big Cardinals pass play been in the middle of the field or does it just seem like it? Onside kick! PLAYOFFS. Thing is, now they have to go for it on fourth down here to pay off the onside kick. Got it! We've got a game now that the Cardinals' defense also appears to have left the premises. A stop! We've had a stop! Alert the media. There's another touchdown down the middle of the field for the Cardinals. Michael Adams is getting used and abused. Good Lord the Packers tied it up again. There's too much time left. The way this game's been going, 15 seconds would be too much time left. He MISSED?!?! How do you miss from 34 yards? That wasn't even close. We have seen some good kickers perpetrate some felonious acts this weekend. I mean, Rackers and Shayne Graham aren't Doug Brien and Kris Brown. Coin toss goes to the Packers, so this should be over soon. Ohhh... Rogers missed Jennings long for the game-winner there. Fumble! Are we sure? Wait, did... it kicked off of Rodgers' foot! It never hit the ground! Unbelievable.

So what about the face mask? Courtesy of Mike and Mike: Peter King tweeted that the official watching that play is tasked to watch the ball and only the ball if it comes loose, so he's not paying attention to see if there's any contact like that. But here's what I'm wondering: Could they have called anything because Adams knocked the ball out first? Like how a kicker's fair game if a rusher gets a piece of the ball first? Would the same thing apply here? Or would it just be an incidental face mask (which doesn't exist anymore)? Back to the game. How about this: Warner had more touchdown passes (5) than incompletions (4). Warner had as many incompletions as Flacco had completions. That's just sick. And he's gonna retire? Really? (Cardinals 51, Packers 45, OT)

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