Showing posts with label New York Jets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York Jets. Show all posts

Sunday, October 26, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Lower Management

Oh, Jets. Why do you make it so easy so many times? Their radio guys are... less than enthused. That was a long way to go for that. The Jets can't afford to settle for field goals tonight. As I say that, field goals end up giving them the lead. But only temporarily. Whoa, Sheldon Richardson's in the backfield. A Jets touchdown! Stop the presses! Wait, Gostkowski MADE that? I was sure that was wide left. Geno is down. That... didn't look good. So all that and he only misses one play? That's fortunate, I guess. Maybe he's a really good actor. Danny Amendola LIVES!




We've seen the Jets put together some quality drives tonight but they need a touchdown here. These receivers are highly substandard. Touchdown Jets! That... probably should have worked. I mean, it had a chance.







And what's scary about that is that his explanation almost made sense. Good job by the Jets' offensive players getting out of bounds. They have just enough time to get one more quick pass off. And that's exactly how you do that if nobody's open. Dump it as quickly as possible. 58 yards? Let's see. BLOCKED! That kick looked low. And it was.




I thought that name sounded familiar. (Patriots 27, Jets 25)

Speaking of the Jets, they finally got the alleged playmaker they so desperately needed... about six months too late:




And really, though: Percy Harvin played for Pete Carroll in a state where marijuana is legal and he still couldn't find any chill? This dude needs a shrink.

Signal Finder: CIN @ IND, CAR @ GB, SEA @ STL (2nd half), TEN @ WSH (end), NYG @ DAL

That was an... unfortunate sequence of events for the Panthers. Once Nelson made the move it was over. The Panthers can't stop anything right now. That one was just too easy. The Panthers can't get out of their own way. This'll be over quickly if they can't get sorted. JEBUS. I see why Kuechly's the Panthers' leading tackler — he's the only one who can. Finally, the Panthers are doing things. That's kind of a stupid penalty. At least they survived it. The irony there is a better throw gets intercepted. Lacy didn't even gain any more yards and the Panthers still couldn't bring him down. Then they jump offsides on 3rd down and Lacy uses the shorter distance to break one. There's nothing the Panthers can do. Touchdown to Cobb and this may be a wrap. I'm just gonna assume that "AARON SAYS RELAX" T-shirts are massive sellers in Wisconsin right now. Hey, a stop. This is the Panthers' best drive of the day and they're not even at midfield. Good catch by Benjamin to go up and get it. They need points here. That'll do, I guess. The Panthers have clearly rethought things. Newton with the sneak on 4th and 1... and they don't get it. Aaaand we're headed to St. Louis. (Packers 38, Panthers 17)

So both the Bears and the Buccaneers chose the wrong quarterback? Good to know. (Dolphins 27, Bears 14)


Is the referee putting his contact lens back in? He is! I find that strangely reassuring. So that was a fumble after all. Leon Hall just dropped a pick-six. I don't know where Luck was going with that, either. Careful with those legs, Burfict. That's a good stand by the Bengals — you make Luck run twice in a goal-to-go situation, you'll take that. Every time I've seen the Bengals this year, Gresham hasn't been getting any separation from defenders. Bradshaw! Good job atoning for the fumble earlier. It seems like Trent Richardson's finally starting to figure it out. Another fumble? Bad handoff. Man, as soon as I said it. Of course, the Bengals can't get anything going. A lot happened on that pass to Bernard — was it backwards? Was that hit legal?




Fleener couldn't have seen that; that's the only reason he didn't go get it. Did somebody just get run? Oh, yeah, you can't touch the refs. This may not  be the best time to point out that the Colts are hitting everything in front of them but they are. I'd be shocked if the Bengals' total yards after the catch was more than 10. I'm surprised Allen stayed inbounds. The Bengals are getting overwhelmed on offense. it really does feel like they should be down 30 with how little production they've gotten. This should be a touchdown. Yep — the guy tackling Bradshaw grabbed him by his knee, keeping it from hitting the ground. Dude has six touchdown catches. Sanu! That's the first play the Bengals have made and there's 11 minutes left. They didn't get ANY points? Lord. To D.C.! (Colts 27, Bengals 0)




There was no fair catch signal. Carroll can complain all he wants. A Seahawk slipped on that Cunningham 3rd down run that didn't get there. That is terrible edge defense by the Rams. How do you let Russell Wilson break off a 52-yarder? Offensive holding takes away a touchdown and Lynch's only good run today. That's... a touchdown. Who's this dude? Number three tight end? I'm not a fan of the empty backfield on the two-point conversion, even with a quarterback who can run. I think it limits your options. And it didn't work. Chris Givens? Let me tell you something: I don't want to say if Austin Davis is good or not, but he isn't bad. Did this break the plane? Yes! The problem the Rams had last week was they couldn't sustain it for four quarters. This week they just might. If... IF they can stop this drive, which they haven't yet. How did Kearse get that open? Then he ran through the coverage. Bad tackling by the Rams on the Baldwin touchdown. FAKE PUNT!!!! If nothing else, it bought the Rams some yardage. Best case, it might end the game.




Why did Fisher call time out? Fumble? Who's got it? That's a clean fumble. No way to tell.




Rams ball! That's it! Wow. Carroll looks stunned.




(Rams 28, Seahawks 26)




I don't think we could have expected Colt McCoy to be the one to end the Kirk Cousins era but here we are. Offsetting penalties? So much for that big DeSean catch. That is blatant interference — McCourty's hanging on for dear life, as Harlan described it. Stop yapping, DeSean. How did he not get flagged there? Field goal up. Field goal good. And Colt McCoy has as many wins this season as Kirk Cousins does. (Redskins 19, Titans 17)


Well, Brees looks like he's back. Great catch and body control by that guy to give the Lions the lead. So Brees cooled off in the fourth? Look, if you make him run, that's a win. And there's your stop.




Apparently no one. (Lions 24, Saints 23)

Why so mad, Giants? Three straight runs. Interesting. Fine coverage by the Giants on Escobar. did they forget he was on the field? Antrel Rolle was going in the opposite direction. Also, Romo had three days to throw that ball. Chronicle the saga of the Giants' new offense, won't you, Thom Brenneman? I feel like Giants fans had gotten fed up with Gilbride's predictable scheme and wanted something new.




Well this is interesting. The ground caused that fumble but I don't know about that spot. Now, did Garrett challenge after they measured? It's short. Giants going for it? I'd have the quarterback sneak banked just in case drawing them offsides goes wrong. Aaand it's a false start so it doesn't matter. How are you gonna fine a guy who clearly can't afford underwear? I kid, I kid, the NFL rookie scale is pretty good. The Giants are misfiring in the passing game again. Big pickup by Donnell. They're going for it again? And throwing into double coverage? Pass interference? OK. Hey an Andre Williams sighting. Carr holds Beckham and he still scores. Romo just barely escaped calamity there. Dez fell down is why that interception happened. That return by Prince, though. Murray popped him one at the end to knock him out of bounds. Touchdown Giants.




Careful, DeMarco — you've never played a full season in the NFL. I mean, Romo has so much time at times behind this line. I don't understand the last three minutes of this half. ELI MOTORING. That should have been a fumble. That drive was kind of a waste. Hey, Murray's back in. You have to actually tackle Dez. Romo led Escobar pretty much perfectly on that touchdown.  Aikman's talking about how these quick wide receiver screens didn't work for the Seahawks last week, either. Another wasted drive by the Giants. WHOA that's bright. Romo just said "double move" and then they ran the ball. I'd have gone for it, Garrett. The Giants can't stop them right now. Charissa's report about the sunlight coming in through the usually-closed doors has me thinking of The Hunt For Red October. "Those doors, sir, are the problem." Fumble! Cowboys ball. Pretty much the same thing that happened earlier on the Bradshaw run that they didn't give the Cowboys the ball on. Dez!! They're gonna give him that? Nah, he's down at about the 3. Or the 1. It's all semantics, really. I feel like Eli's had a good game but it won't matter in the end. Well, they've got something cooking here, at least. I mean, this is what this offense is now, especially with no Cruz. Beckham scores and for the moment, we have a game. This is how you run a four-minute drive, and Bailey's not going to miss this field goal. (Cowboys 31, Giants 21)




Dockett's already out for the season. What's he got to lose? (Cardinals 24, Raiders 13)

Those aren't the 49ers' regular left guard and center either. That was easy enough. This would be the place to try a 51-yarder with a 39-year-old kicker, you know. Not even close. That's good concentration by Sanders. Peyton just faked everybody out on that pass to Welker. He's tied! Been quite a few sacks already tonight. Is there any ball Boldin can't catch? Yeah, that's interference, and not good interference, as Boldin caught it before it got knocked out of his hands. Well I guess there's one ball Boldin can't catch.




I have no idea why Harbaugh's challenging this — he's gonna lose 15 yards on the penalty regardless.
That is also a penalty. Peyton fell down after that play fake and for a split second I thought he was going to try to throw it from his back. Wrong Thomas, Peyton. Good job by NBC going to the PA for the announcement.










The Niners are wasting all kinds of time here. I feel like they were unjustly rewarded for that.
Not a good throw by Kaepernick. And Peyton cashes in IMMEDIATELY. The 49ers corners aren't good. And really, they're just outmanned in general tonight and will be until they get some key guys back. Now the Broncos are continuing a 15-year or so tradition of running the ball effectively with guys you've never heard of. Al and Cris are flipping coins up in the booth. Osweiler's in. Were those his career numbers? Also, I see Blaine Gabbert is still crap.




Look, a good prank requires proper planning. Any episode of Night Court should have taught you that. (Broncos 42, 49ers 17)

YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE. Good Lord, I apologize. That's what the Texans needed and the Steelers didn't. Ben didn't even hold on to the ball all that long — Mercilus was just on him that quickly. Also, Watt straight up abused DiCostanzo. The Steelers' defense is just too old. That's... that's a hell of a metaphor by Timmons just now.




You know who's good is DeAndre Hopkins. I'd go for this if I were the Texans. You've got Arian Foster. And that's how you do that. Watt is unblockable. You know a guy who doesn't get talked about anymore is Brian Cushing, who looked really slow trying to run down Bell just then. Whoa! Someone blew a coverage. This is that kid's debut, I believe. Good start. Wait, is this a fumble? They're looking closely at it. Steelers ball! That did NOT deserve to work. And Fitzpatrick just threw an interception! Timmons is having a rough night. That pass hit him in the head. Touchdown to Bell! JEBUS.










Flea flicker? Shame that didn't amount to anything. Now the Texans are pinned deep. Nice job moving the ball and getting out of there. This is getting overturned — Moore was rather clearly down. Though I do find it interesting that the original call was that the Texans player had stepped out of bounds after picking the ball up. You know who's still good is Andre Johnson. I mean, that's a catch. It's not NOT a catch. THIS one, on the other hand... where's that second foot? Man, I don't know. That's as close as it gets. Oh my God, Hopkins, that was terrible. Tirico's right — why are the Steelers throwing here? The Texans somehow have no time outs left. Is Jim Harbaugh coaching tonight? And here's why... the Texans just went down the field on your defense and there's still 1:45 left. You'd better recover this awful onside kick. Good job. (Steelers 30, Texans 23)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Dallas (6-1) — I mean... there's really no denying it
2. Denver (5-1) — A self-assured bunch
3. Arizona (5-1) — Another easy victory
4. Green Bay (5-2) — Sneaking up on everyone

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — No team in the league has allowed more points
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Nice first win for the Jags
31. N.Y. Jets (1-6) — I'm guessing Harvin won't much like it here, either
32. Oakland (0-6) — Hit new low getting trolled by an injured guy
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Friday, October 10, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Seriously, By The Pigskin Of Their Teeth

GREEN BAY WEATHER. Ponder! This situation played out oddly similarly to the playoff game a few years ago against these Packers, even, when he got scratched suddenly at about 4 o'clock and nobody at ESPN - who has his wife on their payroll - knew why. Two Lacy runs have the Packers in the red zone. Cobb has six touchdowns already? Peppers! Dude can still outrun most of the other guys on the field.




Cobb might get six more touchdowns in this game.







Apparently I missed Nantz saying what needed to be said about the foolishness surrounding Bridgewater's pro day. How did this dude lose his helmet trying to tackle Lacy? This is turning into a familiar pattern and I'm rapidly losing interest. Ponder's still in? I'm amazed. I wouldn't want to add any more tape to this reel. He ran for a touchdown! And he looked panicked doing so. I look forward to the "College Football Ponderings" podcast with him and his wife next year. Look, guys, I'm watching Arizona-Oregon and baseball now. Seriously, Vikings? A field goal? Walsh is my kicker on two of my fantasy teams and I hope he bricks this just to teach you people a lesson. (Packers 42, Vikings 10)

Signal Finder: STL @ PHI, HOU @ DAL (end), BAL @ IND (end), TB @ NO (OT), CLE @ TEN (end), NYJ @ SD

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: THEY DID IT AGAIN! James Casey with the block this time. That's pretty  much the worst possible start for the Rams. Three incompletions and THAT.




The Rams haven't called a run yet and they might want to consider it at some point, y'know, just because. That 3rd down pass to Ertz was dangerous as hell. Great job by him to get open and grab it. Davis slid too early. That pass interference bailed Foles out of this drive. He's been facing a lot of pressure too. So this is where Kenny Britt ended up. Zac Stacy carried Williams for about six more yards. That wasn't a catch by Cook? Oh, the ball came out. I'm amazed that play action is still working for the Eagles as bad as their running game has been. McCoy did everything wrong there, including coughing up the ball at the end of that.




A touchdown here would be huge for the Rams. That... was the opposite. They didn't block anyone on that sack. McCoy runs right past another hole. There was no opening on that interception — the coverage was too tight. Williams had no idea that pass was headed to Britt. Davis ran 15 yards backwards and still found a receiver for a touchdown. THAT'S the LeSean McCoy we need. Foles got good protection from the middle of the line on the lob to Matthews. Cooper! That's the kind of pass he caught last year and hadn't been catching this year. That seems to have woken Shady up — he hasn't run with this kind of purpose in weeks. Illegal block in the back on a kick return. Happens every time. Moose is as baffled as my mom is. That was wild! Cole got the sack and tipped the ball out of Davis' hand, then Jake Long missed a chance to recover it and Cedric Thornton rolled into the end zone. Davis is hurt again. Who's his backup? Didn't they pick up Case Keenum? Is it him? Thornton with another fumble recovery! Foles missed Matthews but found Maclin easily. This may be a wrap. Or maybe not as Cunningham found a running lane — he's been one of the three beat Rams today — and scores untouched. Someone teach Foles to slide. That would have been good coverage if Fletcher had any idea the ball was coming. Oh well, neither of those guys will be here next year anyway. This is ridiculous. It's a six-point game for absolutely no good reason.




That punt was massive. I know I'm just getting to this but it seems like the Rams have about nine wide receivers active. And they've been looking for two for years. Quick's had a huge day. Pettis, on the other hand... That's a delay of game. That's... not even close. Again, NOT SUSTAINABLE. (Eagles 34, Rams 28)

This touchdown for the Browns will not count. Oops, that's my fault — he did get both feet down. At full speed it looked like he didn't. Charlie Whitehurst? What's with that bad ponytail? That sack may have killed the Titans' last chance. Yeah, that's not gonna work. (Browns 29, Titans 28)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 2: Saints 37, Buccaneers 31 (OT)

Light these fools up, Rivers. See? The Jets' corners are worse than the Eagles. Don't even call a running play. Just keep throwing it. Like that. Chris Ivory has become the Jets' best offensive skill player. Rivers sailing down the field again. Wow, these Jets corners suck.




How did that guy intercept that pass? There was a three-way collision in the end zone and No. 24 somehow ended up with it.  Did the Jets just fumble this away? I'm amazed that wasn't a face mask. But what was it? He just ripped dude's helmet off. Look, that would've happened anyway. And offensive holding nullifies the touchdown. Flags everywhere! The one to Gates should stand — he dragged one leg outside the end zone before going in. Rivers and this rookie Oliver just ran the Frank Gore play from last week. Dude just gashed the Jets' supposed great run defense.




Well, here comes Vick, for whatever it's worth. Y'know, there ARE shades of the last prominent guy to wear No. 43 for the Chargers. Another touchdown pass. Put Geno back in, but at defensive back. I mean, you can't headbutt a guy. I think the Jets offense has gotten worse since Vick came in, if that's even possible. The Jets' defense held! (the Chargers to a field goal.) That's a win! The other problem is CBS really can't switch games here because Chiefs-49ers is eight minutes ahead of this one and will probably end first. Sweet merciful CRAP. (Chargers 31, Jets 0)

Bad day in Detroit, yo. Turns out the E.J. Manuel benching was premeditated:




The Lions need a kicker again, got beat on the last play of the game, the Tigers got swept out of the playoffs, and Jim Schwartz is still a dick. (Bills 17, Lions 14; Orioles 2, Tigers 1 (3-0))

Uh-oh, Brady's pissed off. Sick play fake. Yep. Like Collinsworth said, this team was angry. The Bengals are coming right back with Creativity and Panache. But not nearly enough as the field goal ended up short. What? Oh, 50,000 yards. I didn't get the reference and thought someone had won a prize or something. Also, a Gronk sighting, by the way.




Lot of upset people in this building right now. Wait, what happened? Danny Amendola's hurt? SHOCKING. Not sure I like that pass interference on Nelson. Now the Bengals are lobbying for intentional grounding and that may have been the right call.  LOUD NOISES! The Bengals need points on this drive. That won't help. Now what? It took them that long to signal a false start? I'm shocked the Bengals punter didn't get killed there. I'd let him hit me, honestly. Try to draw a flag. Dalton's looked awful. What is this, the playoffs? That's incomplete — Sanu never had possession. That ball went right through Gresham's hands. Maybe Dennard should stop holding people. 4th and 2? I'd go for this. So that's a catch, and Revis forced the fumble, and Collins recovered it, then he lost it and someone else picked it up. I don't get why it's different inside two minutes, though.




And good luck selling a lateral when the guy's horizontal and in midair. Oh, that's what that is? I keep forgetting I've only actually seen it once. Ladies and gentlemen: the reason for that rule... the "Holy Roller."



Man, Gresham had a shot at that one, too. Hey, a Pacman Jones sighting. That's the biggest play the Bengals have had all night. Until THAT. Wow, that sure turned around fast.




Mason Ryan has zero shot against A.J. Green. None. He'd have zero shot against A.C. Green. This game's still in the third quarter? The Pats could go for 50 just to make a statement and Belichick's the kind of salty bastard who would (and has). How the hell is Dane Sanzenbacher on an NFL roster? This... should have been expected. (Patriots 43, Bengals 17)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 3: Are those microchips on the Redskins' collars? Yeah, where is Lynch? So they ran on 3rd down, but that may not have been the run Gruden thought they'd do. Did Russell Wilson just stiff-arm a dude? THAT was quick. Wilson floated it between two guys and Kearse walked in. Lynch looks fine now. Shame the run didn't count. Wilson again! 102 rushing yards in the first quarter. And I think the Seahawks have only thrown three passes.




Gruden's got a point. Where do you put the ball against this defense? The Seahawks center is struggling. Just get the ball away.




Wait, who did they even call that false start on? Good thing the Redskins can do absolutely nothing tonight. Wilson threw that across the field and it landed perfectly for the tight end. There's another run and this time he'll score. That didn't take long. As good as Kam Chancellor is he can't run with DeSean. Jailbreak blitz! Good job taking advantage, Redskins. Harvin's not returning that punt?






Smart of WWE to hold off on bringing Rock out until halftime.

DeSean doesn't usually shrug off contact like that. Good throw by Cousins, too. That QB sneak didn't work? I'm okay with kicking it here. Tangentially Related Aside: They've really gotta do some major reshoots on these college football playoff "It's gonna come down to the game" ads. The Florida game means nothing to no one. I feel like this game is only close because of penalties. Because, really, it is — the Seahawks have had two touchdown nullified by flags. We got some chippiness here. Seriously, why is Harvin off punt returns?




That's a third touchdown taken off the board by a penalty. The Seahawks offensive line is having a terrible night. Is that legal? Wilson may have crossed the line of scrimmage there or got real close to it. Gruden's challenging this and he may have a case. AH, so his whole body has to be across the line. This is the Eli play from a few years back, right? Did it rain down there today? Lynch didn't make it. FAKE FIELD GOAL!!!!




ANOTHER Seahawks penalty? Insanity. That one got where Lynch wanted it to go. Meanwhile, Bruce Irvin has spent all night having his way with whoever the Redskins try to block him with. Nice suit, Dr. Andrews. How did Roberts get that open? Redskins having trouble tackling again. Wow! That was magical.  (Seahawks 27, Redskins 17)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. (tie) San Diego (4-1) — Off to a much better start this time around
1. (tie) Seattle (3-1) — Wilson taking next step?
3. Denver (3-1) — Defensive dollars paying dividends
4. Arizona (3-1) — Playing well despite missing key parts

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tennessee (1-4) — Will need a quarterback next year
30. N.Y. Jets (1-4) — Same, probably
31. Jacksonville (0-5) — Still woefully short on talent
32. Oakland (0-4) — Get the "edge" because of how they fired their coach
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Saturday, September 27, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Stuck In a Craw

Devin Hester is still good at his job. The Buccaneers' new white uniforms are somewhat less offensive to my sensibilities than the black ones. Wait 'til you see those monstrosities.


Why is Steven Jackson still viable? He's like 206. Oh, Gerald McCoy's out? That explains all of this blood. Why is Kroy Biermann running downfield with a running back? The Bucs' punter just saved a touchdown. SO, wait, there were two flags? Whatever. Should've done that the first time. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO. Man, Jackson's speed is gone. How did he get around the corner? I guess we're not covering Julio Jones tonight. The kick returner just got steamrolled. That's not a fumble? Whatever. That was too easy. The Josh McCown Experiment has been an utter failure so far. Wait, I missed another touchdown? Oh, Hester struck? All right.
Another fantastic catch by Jones in traffic. At least they covered him this time. This fumble scrum is turning into a fight. Buccaneers ball! That went well. Hester AGAIN.


McCown's hurt? I wouldn't bother at this point.


Yeah, here's Glennon. Mike Evans just ran 10 yards backwards after that catch. The sad thing about this field goal is Bryant's not even showing off here. He just missed it wide.


Glennon needs to run faster if he's going to do that. Jones is out here murdering fools. And now a bad snap leads to Falcons ball at the 1. Jackson fought like a madman to get that touchdown.


T.J. Yates lives! WELP. The Bucs have straight given up. Seriously, why are they already replacing the Georgia Dome? At least they're not punting here. They scored! Whoa, Yates just threw a pick-six, and because of that, despite everything else, the Tampa Bay defense probably still got you positive fantasy points tonight. raises hand He does that six more times and we've got a game. How are there still six minutes left? (Falcons 56, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI; DEN @ SEA

It's oddly misty out there. Joe Buck shouting out Tone Loc is frightening. There's DeSean with a catch and he gets booed. SERIOUSLY?!?!? DeSean clearly shoves Nate Allen first and Allen gets flagged? That's some bullshit right there. The makeup call wasn't much better, either. So we're looking for a hands to the face? Oh, the guy's helmet came off. Try covering Young near the goal line next time. Well I guess Chris Polk's healthy. Three other guys followed him into the tunnel.


FOX has this thing now on their ticker where they have a yellow line next to the arrow for possession and it doesn't look that good. The Eagles' defense is offering zero resistance. Fletcher's been getting lit up like Williams usually does. I hate the squib kick. FINALLY the Eagles go on offense. So Sproles loses his footing, fumbles, and there's a holding penalty on top of it. Perfection. And Cousins still hasn't missed. But I repeat myself. OH MY GOD A STOP ON THIRD DOWN.




Oh, Kelce. You didn't need to do anything there. But like Aikman said, dude was stride for stride with Maclin, for God's sake. Nice job, Cooper. Washington will challenge this for no reason. Ertz! Just as Buck starts talking up the Redskins defense Matthews catches them napping. Good job showing up, rook. How did Garcon catch that? And why did Cousins throw it there when he knows the double coverage is coming? Fletcher's having a terrible game. It's the Jordan Matthews Show all of a sudden. Foles should have eaten that. Matthews again! Did he get his feet down? Sick throw into traffic by Foles, too. Now Kelce's hurt? Oh boy. Italian Market B-roll? That's different. That pass interference may have saved a touchdown, actually — Matthews catches that otherwise and he maybe wins that race. I'd have run it on 3rd and 3 but that's me. A three-and-out! Now Erin's saying that they're looking at Jason Peters on the sideline also. Two minutes later they throw the flag for a face mask on Sproles. And they called it a horse collar? Is this a Pac-12 crew? Now Foles is dinged?



Sproles just does things, man. We got a roughing call? Aikman sounds like he doesn't really like it. McCoy is really struggling this season so far. So Chip's challenging the run after the catch. Forcing a third down! Sweet! I think. Cousins has missed a few throws in the second half. Sproles just got tripped up or that had potential. Aaand that's what we were all afraid of. Also Cousins had three days to throw that pass. Williams is mad at somebody on the sideline. He should be mad at himself for missing the tackle.


Here's the thing, and anyone who roots for a team can relate to this: You have your favorite teams that you like, maybe even love. You root for them all the time, through good and bad, thick and thin. But you have favorite players; guys you like more than other guys. And then there's that one guy that every team has (and yes, every team has this player) that, for some reason, you just don't like that much. The guy who's just hard to root for. The reason rarely matters but always varies -- maybe he's just not good, maybe bad things happen whenever he's prominently involved, maybe he's very good but does maddening things every so often, maybe his personality just drives you nuts, maybe you think he should be better than he is. For me, and for the Eagles, DeSean was that guy. When he got cut, I thought, "They're going to miss him on the field. This doesn't make any sense. But at least we don't have to put up with all of his other crap any more." Of course, then he signed with Washington (and don't underestimate that part of this particular equation) and we learned we would have to put up with all of his other crap. That's why he's getting booed so gleefully even though we'll never know what he did wrong... because cheering him was just too much work.

Back in the immediate moment, the other problem is the Eagles' offensive line is just running out of guys and Foles is taking hits. "Tress Way"? That's a name? That's something a human being is called? The Eagles' secondary has been bad today but, again, they've gotten absolutely no pass rush on Cousins. CLANG! Off the upright and NO GOOD. Oh boy... Foles is down again, he threw an interception, and now there's a brawl on the field. Well, that's not an interception. Foles got plastered after the fact and that's what started the fisticuffs.



Wait, how did Trent Williams get thrown out, too? Baker got tossed, and rightfully so. So did they mean to throw out Peters? Because that would make... somewhat more sense. OK, so Peters is out.



NEW AUDIENCE. Y'all just missed some foolishness, by the way. This feels like we're headed for overtime. The Eagles should win this challenge — Maclin's knee was down. Yep. They get a free spin, too! MACLIN!! Was that Meriweather he beat? Foles is having the kind of game that'll get these fans behind him. Jenkins with the interception! Now seems like a good time to point out that Andy would have completely abandoned the run three quarters ago. Feels like that's the first time we've seen Helu all day. That didn't take long.



Onside kick? I say no. Three-and-out was the last thing the Eagles needed. That holding penalty wiped out a good punt and forced a bad one on the rekick. A turnover would be helpful. Seriously, why doesn't Boykin start? Cousins missed Garcon and the Eagles will somehow hold. Now to run clock. They need a first down. James Casey lives! That's the end of that. (Eagles 37, Redskins 34)




REMATCH. Well, at least the Broncos got their first play off this time.




Did the Seahawks steal that pass to the quarterback play from the Bengals earlier? And Wilson took a shot. That's not a touchdown from Lynch. The Broncos are already off to a better start than the last time this happened. It helps the Broncos that they've gotten some guys back since then and added some new ones. That third-down stat for the Seahawks defense is amazing(-ly bad). Good throw by Wilson on the touchdown to Lockette. And another Broncos turnover as Demaryius Thomas loses the fumble. Unless he didn't catch it in the first place. This is why I need to be commissioner, I'd simplify SO MUCH of this stuff. That was odd... Baldwin caught the ball, made the one guy miss, then everyone else just stopped and he gained about seven more yards. Touchdown Lynch and this is starting to feel familiar. The Broncos can't get down the field. I mean, they're trying this time at least. They just can't do it. Hauschka missed that? Weird. This game seems like it's going by fast. How did Wilson not lose that fumble? Did he lose it? SAFETY and that looked doomed from the get-go. Tip interception by the Broncos. Peyton finds Julius Thomas and we've got a game, maybe. Intercepted by Chancellor! That might be it. Hauschka's not even going to get to kick this, is he? Oh, it's 4th down. Never mind. Let's see if this works. Someone got their wires crossed when those two Seahawks collided. I don't wanna get hit by Kam Chancellor. This all looks like the same play. Touchdown! That dude's still got it. Going for two here. Thomas! They're taking an awful long time to look at this. I mean, even I figured it out after the second or third watch. Count it and we're tied!




The Seahawks will sit on this. "Good afternoon." It's STILL afternoon, dude. Tarvaris Jackson's in on the coin toss? Seahawks not all that interested in throwing the ball downfield, but why should they be? It's death by a thousand cuts right now.




Wilson's been their best runner on this drive. And Lynch ends it. That's not ideal, but it's still better than college overtime. (Seahawks 26, Broncos 20, OT)

Fernando Velasco? Wasn't he in the Indians' bullpen four years ago? Flags everywhere! Good catch by Brown. "You're not even close." Roethlisberger can get this himself and he does. Touchdown! That's a perfectly placed throw. Wait, they called it incomplete? The Steelers have to challenge this, right? I'm not sure I agree with letting this go. This game's about as interesting as the Ravens-Steelers game was, which is to say not in the least. More fisticuffs? Man, there are a ton of Steelers fans in the house tonight. They're everywhere.




That's a fumble and there was a huge pop when the Steelers recovered it. Did anyone even hit Cam? And the Steelers still won't get a touchdown out of it. Wait, someone jumped offsides on the field goal attempt? Wait, Roethlisberger hasn't thrown the ball yet? Touchdown! Oh man, they've got Ike Taylor's arm in something. Cam missed two guys on that 3rd down pass.




Damn, Kuechly got busted up on that Bell jaunt. They're gonna call offensive pass interference here? Another touchdown for Brown. Greg Olsen just outran a cornerback. NBC DJ breaking out Janet's "Black Cat." PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Steelers are literally running this defense ragged. Blount finishes it off after his big sprint and that's the end of that, as shown by Derek Anderson's entry. Nice coverage. Stop showing off, Blount. Yes, you've got hops at 245 pounds. We get it. (Steelers 37, Panthers 19)


"The Sons Of Anarchy."  Oh, Jon. They've been using that in New York for two years. Well that's an inauspicious beginning. Just a terrible throw.




See, the one to Ivory on the second drive, that's better. You just need a little patience, Geno. What was that weirdness with Vick? Hey, Santonio Holmes! Nice to see him back in the league after two years. Well that punt was a comedy of errors. First it almost gets blocked, then the Jets muff it and the Bears get it back. Not sure that was defensive PI. Cutler ends up finding Bennett and it's 14-0. Wait, what first down? They scored!




Decker took a shot on that catch over the middle. His hamstring looks OK. That drive started well but sputtered out. Now the Bears receivers are just running through the Jets defense. Bennett dropped that touchdown three times but DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Jets football, ladies and gentlemen! Still, they kept the Bears out of the end zone so good on them. Nice pass to the rookie Jace Amaro. Another field goal? Well, it's something. Marshall's hurt? Well, that ankle wasn't going to hold up forever.
Gotta secure the football. Gruden's desperately trying not to say "Who the hell is calling these plays?"




Kerley's a good guy to have around as long as you don't push him beyond his limits. I'm not sure if those are his limits, but well done.




I had no idea the Jets forced the fewest turnovers last season. Nice shout out to the replay officials. The Jets utterly wasted that opportunity. The only thing worse would have been them giving the ball back. Antonio Allen just stopped Matt Forte's longest run in two weeks. Bennett again? Jebus. The Jets got real lucky that Fuller's leg was still on the sideline there. Geno probably could have run for that but Amaro just dropped it. Seriously, Geno?




Then Allen misses a chance to get it back when Cutler got hit and threw up a duck. Who is calling these plays? A shotgun quarterback draw into the blitz? Are you nuts? They're lucky that wasn't a fumble. The Jets have Quinton Coples guarding Brandon Marshall on the outside? Are they shaving points? How many have they left on the field tonight?




Another field goal for the Bears and that might do it. This is an important spot. The Bears are challenging this and they might win it. Call stands. Why are the Jets running the ball? Greg Salas? Really? The Bears are out of safeties like the Eagles are out of offensive linemen. And that's four straight incompletions. Good job, everyone involved! This game sucked. Bucs-Falcons was somehow better than this. (Bears 27, Jets 19)

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Friday, September 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Breeding Contempt

I'd be OK with the Ravens going 0-16. They've never been easy to root for even when things were good. Now? Forget it. James Brown just spit FIRE.


I see we've got delay issues. Yeah, that's definitely roughing the passer. Lot of legal hitting going on, too, as is standard in these games. Antonio Brown's gotten popped big twice already like the Ravens are avenging the Browns' punter. FUMBLE. Phil Simms is advocating going for it? What is this, the New 52?



Flacco threw that right into a pass interference call. Yeah, this "no number 2 receiver" thing is going to haunt the Steelers, I think. Did DHB even make the roster? So it's the Bernard Pierce era now in Baltimore, kind of. Did Ben just make the defender okey-doke himself on the Bell run? He did! All that time for a field goal? That seems like a waste. Now Nantz and Simms are talking about how bad Ray Rice was last year. Which he was, but that hardly seems like the most important thing right now.



That flag on Polamalu was close. I love that they put down Hochuli's chyron that he's a 23-year referee after he was facing the wrong way while announcing that penalty. The one on Mitchell was called incorrectly - that hit was late, nothing more. Hey, Owen Daniels scored again. Now what's this one? Oh, a face mask. Good hold by the Steelers to force the field goal. That is a catch and a fumble. I'm really only half-watching this because it's so, well, boring. The Steelers can't do anything and there's no tension, which just shouldn't be the case when these two teams play. Ben's gotta start throwing it or the receivers have to start catching it, one or the other. I mean, at least they're holding the Ravens to field goals? I'm looking for anything here. I guess Antonio Brown's having a good game? Well, that's the end of that. (Ravens 26, Steelers 6)

Signal Finder: AZ @ NYG, JAX @ WSH, NO @ CLE (end), NYJ @ GB

Carson's a late scratch for the Cardinals so Drew Stanton's going to start. Lot of things went wrong on that delay of game/personal foul double shot. Stanton is doing work on this Giants defense. If this continues, they may as well close up shop. Somehow a open-field tackle attempt on Rashad Jennings went as badly as possible. The blitz caused that interception.

DRC already having a better game than he did last week.
Nice throw by Eli to Cruz. Touchdown Giants. The Giants are making this Cardinals defense look pretty ordinary right now. Patrick Peterson's furious about something. Probably the fact that the Giants are walking down the field on his unit. And now they've gone ahead. SPEED II got backed up there.




SPEED II!! One Giant missed a tackle and he was gone. Did the Giants just fumble the ensuing kickoff? Jesus, Cruz. How do you not catch that? He did it AGAIN! This Larry Donnell guy is going off. Oh, he's a tight end and it's against the Cardinals, who got lit up by tight ends all of last season. Jennings just fumbled the ball trying to juke a defender.




Now Randle's dropping passes. Good job, Drew Stanton. applauds (Cardinals 25, Giants 14)


Johnny Football LIVES! If only for three plays. The Browns scored 26 points with no Josh Gordon and Jordan Cameron missing the second half? There's the Rob Ryan defense we know and love.


(Browns 26, Saints 24)

Gruden should challenge this. Oh, that's a bad non-reversal — DeSean was down by contact. Man, Hurns catches that ball last week — he smoked DeAngelo Hall. Now we're seeing mirror images — both teams have lost a big play and taken a sack on the ensuing third down. So a wild, off-blance throw by Griffin is caught mostly because Jacksonville's corners may be the worst in the league. Oh no. This looks bad. Then Cousins comes in and finds the fullback all by himself in the end zone. Now DeSean's down.










Is Cousins limping too or just tired? Oh, I guess he's fine. The Redskins' defense is just teeing off right now. I mean, they're tearing these guys apart. Good Lord, Washington's pass defense completely broke down on the touchdown to Lewis. How did he not get caught from behind, though? The safety was Meriwether's replacement, so the result would have been the same regardless. Here's the thing: The only reason the Jags made anything happen defensively last week was because Foles was literally giving the ball to them. They got torched in the second half last week. Nothing's changed. Meanwhile, Cousins just wasted 10 seconds after that sack. That's the second time Henne's taken off and run.




Kai Forbath sounds like the name of a guy who should be playing in the second division of La Ligue. These are two pretty bad offensive lines. Wilcots is making the correct point that you can't put Bortles behind this line and I'll add that that's a large part of why Gabbert was such a failure.(Redskins 41, Jaguars 10)

Object Lesson Of The Week:



(Cowboys 26, Titans 10)

Trent Green! Welcome! Rodgers fumbles the opening snap? OK. They were worried about this last week and it ended up not being a problem. Not exactly a strut into the end zone by Geno but it got the job done. The Jets' pass rush is going to give this Packers offensive line problems. Like so. Decker!!
Bizarre catch by Jordy Nelson — he stopped half of his body in mid-air to bring that down. That, however, is not a catch. Going for a 4th and 2 from the opponents' 28? Rex wants to bury these guys. THEN Geno almost gets crushed, finds Powell open in the flat, and converts another third down. And it all pays off with a touchdown. The Packers bench just got flagged for something. Ohhhh. The refs missed that hit out of bounds on Nelson. Something got screwed up on that too-quick pass Rodgers threw on 2nd down and goal. Crowd is booing the Packers' decision to kick here. Crosby made the kick and they're still booing. They cheered the one he made from La Crosse, though. That interception's a huge break for the Packers because the Jets were about to score again. Jason Babin being a detriment to his team? That's never happened before. To say nothing of the Jets' second-best player being down injured right now. Well the Packers just drove all the way down the field. How did this take six minutes before we got a challenge? Yeah, that's fine. Now what? It looks like Geno was trying to ground it but did he get it away in time? Carey thinks it's really a backward pass, not a fumble, but it'll still be Packers ball. A whole mess of carnage right now after the Packers take the lead. Wilkerson just got thrown out! Oh, well he threw two punches. That'll do it every time. Prediction: The Jets lose this game.After this field goal ties it, of course. But they had this thing in the bad and it trickled away piece by piece. NELSON!! Unreal.




No, no. Rex HAD to have called that time out, right? Only the head coach can call time out from the sideline, right? What a Jets way to lose. (Packers 31, Jets 24)

THE RUSSIAN IS CUT! (Chargers 30, Seahawks 21)





I mean, how do you not notice that? J.J. Watt's on the field on offense FOR A REASON. (Texans 30, Raiders 14)

The 49ers' new digs may as well be in Los Angeles, to hear the locals tell it. It's very angular. Why is dude from Train holding two microphones? Blocked punt! Crabtree was wide open.




Wait, the 49ers got away with having the play clock run out of them? That never happens. Boldin was wide open on that pass, too. Jonathan Martin lives! (And Richie Incognito's still out of work, for the record.) Interception? Don't think so. Man, NBC putting the Bears on blast with that graphic. (And rightfully so.)




Wait. They overturned the catch because of THAT? Weak. Sauce. The Bears can't get anything started. Collinsworth has a point — the Bears' receivers can't outrun anybody right now, but let them go up and jump for these balls. Holy crap, Conte. That's the best thing that guy will ever do. There's a million flags on this punt. Only one on the re-kick, though. Fumble! And then the Bears fumble and the 49ers blow a chance to get it back. This Bostic guy on the Bears seems to overrun everything. Cutler channeling Kaepernick? What? Then he takes a sick shot to the chest that was rightfully flagged and Alshon Jeffrey had to break up the ensuing interception.




Matt Forte has done nothing tonight. GREAT one-handed grab by Marshall. Now Gore's running like Forte. Good stop by the Bears. Why do the 49ers keep committing bad penalties? I mean, 100 yards in penalties through three quarters is downright Raider-esque. Touchdown Bears and this game shouldn't be as close as it is. Interception?!? And another flag because of course there is.




Touchdown Bears. This is wild.




And Kaepernick throws ANOTHER interception! Though that's more a good play by the rookie Fuller than anything else. Cutler did a nice job of setting up that completion to Jeffrey. Marshall again. Now Kaepernick's doing everything he can to salvage this. There's that Jim Harbaugh clock management we know and love.




And after all that, Crabtree had the potential game-tying touchdown IN HIS HANDS. Go back to San Francisco, you plebeians. (Bears 28, 49ers 20)

So much for an 8:15 start. Kendricks just ran through the Colts' blocking there. Foles is off to the exact opposite start than last week. I've been hoping Chip would use more two-back sets this year and I'm glad he is. That was the longest run of Richardson's career. Unbalanced line? That's one of Chip's moves.




Bradshaw just barely got stopped. That was too easy. Those solar panels at the Linc? Legit. Why is this commercial break so long? Sproles just took off like a rocket. Man, Cooper caught that pass last year. This kid at right tackle is getting used and abused. Parkey missed? Indoors? Bring back Henery! The Eagles are starting to come after Luck big time. Viniatieri's still pretty good. You know who else is good is their punter. McCoy's L1 is constantly pressed. That's the second time Foles has misfired on that screen to Maclin. That's not gonna work either... that should have gone into the end zone.




The Colts stopped that blitz. Is this Richardson's best game ever? I think the Colts ran the same play again but to the tight end on that touchdown.




Hey, Jordan Matthews caught one! Ertz! That's a clutch pass interference call. Can somebody not named Sproles catch a pass tonight? Just give it to that guy. There you go. No need to complicate this stuff. Fumble! There's the Richardson we know and love. That's on Ertz - he needs to catch that. Sproles!




Uh-oh, losing Kendricks is not a good thing. That's the third time the Eagles have been beaten on that play tonight. None of this is sustainable. Oh Lord, Casey Matthews just got juked by Trent Richardson. Interception?!? Why even throw a pass there? And Boykin got away with at least a hold there. Why does Foles dive instead of slide? Actually, looking at it again, Hilton had his arm extended and was pushing off of Boykin, so that's a good no-call, as it turns out. That's not a horse collar either, and the same bad call was made against the Eagles last week. DARREN SPROLES IS A GOLDEN GOD. Is it possible to milk 3 minutes, 49 seconds off the clock from the six-yard line? Maclin finally caught one! We're tied again! These fans are NOT happy. Unfortunately, Luck has them right where he wants them. Really, Jon? Did you already forget what happened the last time Luck threw on third down for no good reason? Ertz again! Sproles again! Chip is playing this clock perfectly. They probably could have run another play but let's see about it. It's good! Wait, what? The Colts called time out? All right, let's do this again. It's STILL good.


This can't continue. Logically, it can't. Can it? No, it can't. But I'm not giving it back.


And now, the most random football-related tweet of the weekend:


(Eagles 30, Colts 27)
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Sunday, October 20, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Grindhouse

Oh, that didn't look good. Of course, it's Bills-Browns; I don't expect anything to look good. Hang on a second: Hoyer's hurt and they're going back to Weeden? What did Jason Campbell do to piss off the Browns? Now Manuel's out too?

The Josh Gordon lovefest bothers me. Can we give him more than two games before proclaiming him the next big thing? We did this with Miles Austin, remember? I thought the Browns were supposed to be tanking. (Browns 37, Bills 24)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, BAL @ MIA, DEN @ DAL

Billick's already forgotten that the Eagles' secondary is terrible.


That's.. huh? Ah, OK. That's helmet-to-helmet... intentional or not, it's always getting called in 2013. They DECLINED that penalty? Coughlin's lost it. OH MY GOD. Vick ran for about 30 yards. Let's go back to the Giants declining that penalty for a second. It would have been fourth and... 4? From the Giants' 47? Wouldn't you want to give the other coach a chance to make the wrong decision on 4th down? That's not a safety? How is that not a safety?


That's Vick's first completion and we're in the second quarter. Hey, a Zach Ertz sighting. How did McBride not intercept that? It went right through his hands! Why is Vick running so much? Touchdown! The Giants are inexplicably switching to short throws. Apparently it doesn't matter who carries the ball for the Giants - it's getting fumbled. I mean it just fell out of his hands. The Giants had McCoy stopped and then didn't.


Unless you're putting Foles in right now, Chip, you punt here. Good decision. Seriously, Eli keeps throwing into coverage. And now things are just falling apart. Well this camera angle on the punt is different. Meanwhile, the Giants are about out of guys. JPP's down and angry and Tuck's shaken up on the field. Are the Giants in prevent or something? The Eagles are just walking down the field. Thanks, guy, for pushing Jackson out of bounds and stopping the clock. Field goal! Good job, Foles. Hold up. Did the Giants just blow two time outs on a challenge? That's straight out of Reid's book. No, seriously: Andy did that once.




And why even bother challenging that play? Yeah, it's a first down but it's still in Eagles territory and it's early in the third quarter. Plus it wasn't until the fourth look at it or so that anyone thought it might be overturned in the first place. More stupid Giants penalties. But the Eagles' defense can't stop them a second time. Seriously, call nothing but pass plays against both of these teams.




I mean, they could at least try covering Randle. It's not like Nicks has done anything this year to deserve being doubled. That fair catch interference was a bad call. And that pass interference on Boykin was even worse (and that wasn't even one of Cruz's better sell jobs.)




The offense looks mostly the same. And by that I mean it looks mostly the same as Reid's last year with the absence of running plays. Foles can run this thing — it's not like the preseason battle was a runaway. Grounding again on Eli... there was nobody out there. Wait... what.., that's... OH MY GOD THE EAGLES FORCED A TURNOVER! CELEK! That's a fantastic play all around. Whoa! Boykin's got that but he's had terrible things conspire against him today. Well they upheld it at least. Foles on the option? Strange. Slow down, Brenneman. Another pick! Who was that? Williams? Geez. You know what I'm just now noticing is that the Eagles' offense has been running slower today. The pace hasn't been as fast. Three flags on a punt? The special teams clearly still need work. I can't believe how bad the Giants are. I honestly can't. Hey, a sack. (Eagles 36, Giants 21)

Ravens-Dolphins is utterly failing to hold my interest. It sounds like the officiating here has been as bad as Eagles-Giants. I almost just want to fill this in with Josh's Facebook status updates. You know who'd be good on the Dolphins right now? Jake Long. Then Jones got that pick-six and this turned into a game.That field goal attempt at the end was brutal. Is John Harbaugh attempting crowd control? (Ravens 26, Dolphins 23)


Sweet Lord. The poor Jaguars.(Rams 34, Jaguars 20)

The Cowboys' non-Dez receivers are doing a good job of spinning out of tackles. No catch. Touchdown? WOW that's close. Good job, Dez. Decker fumbled? How was Romo not past the line of scrimmage there? Oh, he wasn't, actually. Never mind. Should have taken it himself, though. Everything about that was ridiculous, including Witten's sliding catch at the end.




Long pass to Decker! I love it when guys hold and it doesn't work. That, on the other hand, was expected. Broncos' defense not playing all that well right now either. Well , until the goal-line stand that ended with a 17-yard sack. Ernie Sims is still alive? Yep, and he's already been assimilated into Cowboys culture by committing a stupid penalty. Peyton was shooting a basket on that third down pass to Moreno. More Decker. Nantz: "How do you defend that?" Simms: "You don't."


More unnecessary Cowboys screwups. That face mask was far more blatant than the hit to Eli's head that didn't get called. Touchdown Broncos! The winner here may need 40, and that is not in the Cowboys' best interest. PEYTON MANNING BOOTLEG.


Dallas was up 14-0. This first half was last week's first half in reverse. Remember this time last year when Moreno's Broncos career was effectively over? There's Welker. Hadn't seen him yet. Whoa! Terrence Williams finally did something right! Every Broncos field goal attempt is a win for the other side. I'm surprised that DRC was close enough to Dez to interfere. And just that quickly the Cowboys are back in this. Going for two here? Barnwell?

Stop the presses! Peyton threw an interception! THE RUSSIAN IS CUT!!! And Morris Claiborne, of all people, who'd been getting lit up this year, is the guy who gets it. You know who's great is Dez Bryant. Deion dumping him was the best thing that ever happened to him. Josh: "It's so sad that he's played the best game of  his life and people are STILL waiting for the RomoDerp." More bad officiating as the refs completely miss Witten being shoved out of the end zone. The Cowboys have taken the lead, but there's plenty of time left and no need to panic. One running play? I don't know about that. Both of these defenses are being torn to shreds. Let me revise that 40 to 50. TONY ROMO THINGS. That was right into coverage. (And I'd see later on Football Night In America that he had the running back wide open on a checkdown.)


Now you call all of the running plays. Uh-oh? Third and short and it's close.




Done and done. And I do mean done. (Broncos 51, Cowboys 48)

I think Rodney Harrison's taken too many shots to the head. How do you even think of benching Cam Newton when he's coached by the worst game-day coach in the league? (Common Sense 4, Football Night In America 1)


Schaub's gonna end up in a mental institution. Not a lot going right for the Texans right now. Heck, not a lot going right football-wise in TEXAS right now. Seriously, the best thing they have at the moment is the Baylor quarterback and I can't think of any time before Griffin that we've been able to say that truthfully. Here's a Watt/Kaepernick split screen for no real reason. Frank Gore's running through people like it's 2008. The ref accidentally kicking the ball so the Texans can't down it really is the only way to end this half. This has been a strange 49ers game. They're running the ball almost at will but haven't gotten anything out of Kaepernick. Of course, with Davis literally hamstrung, he only has Boldin to throw to. Meanwhile, Schaub's getting picked off by backup defensive linemen. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. And here's T.J. Yates. That's how much more of this I can handle. (49ers 34, Texans 3)

Let's see. Oakland. Against a division rival. After a FULL DAY TO DRINK. This will end badly. Wait, Terrelle Pryor isn't completely awful? I'm legitimately stunned. (Raiders 27, Chargers 17)

So who had the Jets with the better record at kickoff of this game? Put your hands down, you filthy liars. I don't think the Falcons are losing two at home, though. Dude dropped a possible interception for a touchdown. PUNT BLOCKED! Oh man that guy just beat the blockers. It would have been so Jets for the Falcons to get the first down anyway. Circus catch! Are the Jets going for it? What's taking so long? Well, so much for that. Hey, a Roddy White sighting. That's an easy one. Bad challenge, Rex. Man, Geno had a week to throw that one. Cumberland again! Did he just try to resurrect the Dirty Bird?




Holy hell the Jets are rolling right now. Tirico: "The Atlanta fans, unhappy." Gonzalez outfights an anonymous Jets DB for the ball because of course he does. Well the hold was much more blatant. Snelling stutter-stepped too much on that run. That screen's not going to work. Falcons going for it on fourth down. Oh man, nobody's open. Gonzalez was held by TWO guys there! One more shot — why are they running Jacquizz Rogers between the tackles? I don't mind going for it, but don't do THAT.

The Falcons cannot run the ball. Yet it doesn't seem to matter until they get back down here. That's more like it. Way to seal that edge. Wait, Geno's only thrown nine passes? What happened there? Ryan cough up the snap? The Soldier's still alive? Oh boy. It's about to get ugly in the dome. Seriously, someone get that thing out of Sanchez's hair. QUIZ SHOW. That'll quiet the mob for a bit. THAT ONE HANDED CATCH. How do you not put three guys on Gonzalez in that situation? Another 4th and short — gotta go for it now, too, right? They did the same thing again. HOLDING. Someone please tell Mike Smith to stop calling runs up the middle against this defense. Wait, who scored? I'm asking. I've never heard of him before. Uh-oh, the Falcons' defense is sucking again. That first down was big.

It's GOOD. WOW. Let me say this: Geno played well tonight. Let me also say this thing that I'm afraid to say: Is Rex working on keeping his job? (Jets 30, Falcons 28)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (5-0) - A soulless killing machine
2. New Orleans (5-0) - The good old days are back
3. Seattle (4-1) - Loss to Colts not as bad as it seems
4. Kansas City (5-0) - Things got dicey for a bit

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (0-4) - Return and regroup
30. Tampa Bay (0-4) - The bad old days are back
31. N.Y. Giants (0-5) - And soon to be 0-6
32. Jacksonville (0-5) - Just bad times all around


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