Showing posts with label Denver Broncos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Denver Broncos. Show all posts

Saturday, November 8, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Shift Left

So no one's going to score from the opponent's territory? Got it. Brees just fumbled off his own dude. Then the refs are looking for the ball and the Carolina guy's sitting there holding it up. I feel like Kelvin Benjamin's been a top-3 rookie this season. Maybe it's just because I've seen him so much already.



Feel free to lose the CBS portion of your graphics, NFL Network — that little dance ended last week. Dangerous throw by Newton. Still nothing. That was just a straight run by Newton. Why is that guy out on a pass pattern? It went right off his hands. I guess he's not used to having the ball come straight at him. Ben Watson's still alive? Cam almost threw another pick.




Hey, Jerry Richardson playing footage. Another fumble? Of course, now Cam's got it but they call it Saints ball. Yeah, there it is on the third replay — Curtis Lofton comes in at the very end and grabs it, it looks like. Ingram! Nantz and Simms are spending an awful lot of time on this clock issue that's going to be completely irrelevant. See? Let's look at this. Yeah that's interference. Graham! The Saints are hoping he's back. Cam is painfully inaccurate tonight. For some reason Olsen stopped and didn't put down a block or Cam probably would have scored. So we'll be looking at this, then. Yeah, that'll count. Not this time, Ingram. Or this one, either. Brees got it over. Crowd is MAD. Knee's down. This'll come back. And that ended up being a big reversal.


Graham abused everybody on this drive. I think he's recovered. And Ingram seals it. (Saints 28, Panthers 10)

 Signal Finder: PHI @ HOU, SD @ MIA, NYJ @ KC (end), WSH @ MIN (end), DEN @ NE


Cha-CHING. Wasn't that the same pattern as last week? Sacks on top of sacks. Moose just jinxed Foles. And good job not even trying to tackle him, rest of the offense. The Eagles' offensive line isn't playing great right now. And Foles might be legit hurt — he's going to the locker room. When did Brandon Graham stop sucking again? Jesus, this punt. Lechler may still be the best in that business. It's Sanchize time. NO REST FOR THE WEARY. Wait, what did Maclin even do there? Remember, Sanchez played well in preseason — it's not like he doesn't know the plays. Touchdown to Matthews and that's good placement.







That one was too high. Huff's only like 5-9. Fitzpatrick had tons of time and Foster sold the false route well. I mean the Eagles' offense has moved the ball despite the O-line's struggles. Chip's going for it? Hey, it worked! Jesus, Watt somehow came completely free. That shouldn't happen ever. The second kick was better than the first. Another high snap. And the handoff to McCoy was high, too. Sanchez got lucky on that one. Oh, God, not again. Fletcher completely lost Hopkins. He's running in the other direction.

Field goal is... no good? I think Chip didn't expect the running game to do as well as it has. Hey, a rushing touchdown. Can we get LeSean some of those? Foster is limping and pissed off. Sanchez has no idea what happened.


That's the second time Hopkins has come across the field and no one's covered him. OH COME ON. Ryans intercepts the pass, them fumbles it? There's no way that's a good sign. And now he's hurt. Hopkins and turnovers are the only reason the Texans are still in this game. Sure, run the ball, why not. The Texans can't stop it. Sanchez can't slide, either. Mercilus left with an injury earlier, and a lot of guys have gone off injured in this game. Chip's going for it again, seemingly showing more confidence in his short-yardage game than he has earlier in this season at times. I think Polk got it. BOB is challenging the spot and that's always dicey. Let's not be losing yards here. Maclin? Maclin! I wasn't sure until the replay that it was a clean catch but it was.


And that will seal that deal. Oh, apparently they run Houston. That's worth something, I guess. (Eagles 31, Texans 21)

Good Lord, what is happening in Miami? I mean, Tannehill is carving the Chargers up. This is unbelievable. Now it's 30-0. Not sure why we haven't been switched to Jaguars-Bengals yet. Does it have to get to the fourth quarter first? Oh, never mind. Wait... Jets-Chiefs? (Dolphins 37, Chargers 0)


And we switch just in time to see Vick get hurt and MATT SIMMS start warming up (because Geno hurt his shoulder in addition to being benched.) This is going about as well as you'd expect. Why/How is Vick back in? P.S. The Chiefs have rebounded nicely and are one or two wins away from becoming a factor again. (Chiefs 24, Jets 10)

Watching the CBS crew between games. First of all, why aren't they showing Jags-Bengals? Second, why would anyone think Brandon Weeden would be good today? He hasn't been good since college.

Why didn't Griffin run for it? (Vikings 29, Redskins 26)

"Phil, some final thoughts." "Well, Jim, I just hope my son's chest didn't get caved in on that blitz earlier." That's the story of Brandon LaFell's life, right there.


Yeah, but you're gonna need touchdowns, Phil. That ball hit the ground. That's probably pass interference. I mean, it's close. And why IS the Peyton-Brady game always in Foxboro(ugh)? The only regular season meeting I remember that wasn't here was in Indy the year Brady was hurt. Oh, wait, there was another one. The one where Belichick blew that 4th and 1 play and the Colts won on a last-minute Peyton drive. Simms thinks Ninkovich changed direction on Peyton — something clearly happened because he was the closest guy to that pass. The Broncos aren't even pretending they can stop Gronk. And that was before the holding penalty. HOW did Edelman catch that?
Wow. The Broncos punter drops the snap (and got lucky to even get it off) and Edelman brings it back to the house.


Hey, Sanders is back in the game. "Nobody gets outside to contain Peyton Manning" was a sentence that was just unironically uttered.


That's always a jarring sound when the ball bounces off an upright. They got that back pretty quickly. Good job. Are the Broncos going for it on 4th and 6? Well, he just missed from 41 and I've already said that field goals aren't going to win this game. Well, that was the worst possible outcome.


Now the Patriots are running the two-minute drill to near perfection. Edelman AGAIN. Look, we've all seen the Broncos' offense but this feels like it's over. Oh, hang on a second... that ball hit the ground? It sure did. Let's try again. Doesn't matter. That's a clean pick. Julius! We may have something here. MAY. Belichick somewhat curiously calls a middle screen on 4th and 5 from the Broncos' 37 and Vereen bails him out, if only temporarily. Welker got popped. He used to catch those.




Interdeflection. And the Patriots score IMMEDIATELY. That might be it. The Pats are giving Ronnie Hillman zero respect. He's getting pounded out there. Sometimes legally. Good Lord that Gronk one-handed catch.




I'd say Belichick's getting ornery in his old age but let's be honest with ourselves. Some things never actually change. (Patriots 43, Broncos 21)

 This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Seahawks 30, Raiders 24. The mystique is gone, man. Gone.

I'm ready for someone to die. This Steelers-Ravens on Sunday night montage is fantastic. Lots of punting and disillusionment so far. Jacoby Jones is still not bad at that particular thing.




He sure did. Something tells me Ben won't be throwing for 522 tonight. That screen to Steve Smith was... suboptimal. I mean, Polamalu had him lined up for a beatdown but still. I would not have picked Ben to be the guy with two 500-yard games. I know Aguilera's from Pittsburgh, but "Genie In A Bottle"? Yeesh. Was that three sacks in a row? Good Lord. Someone needs to be cut in-game for that.




That's a fumble. Wait, that happened to Ben before? The EAGLES did it? If it's the game I'm thinking of, that was just a weird game all around. Three flags on one play? All Harbaugh can say is "Wow."




Yeah, call some runs, take a load off. Whoa. Normally you don't see backs make catches like that. Wait. James Harrison just did a thing? In 2014? Is this the first Steelers game Collinsworth has seen this year? They run Archer out of the backfield all the time. And Bryant is SAFE. Collinsworth speaking truth about Steve Smith there. I have no trouble believing he outwrestles Terrell Suggs. None whatsoever. Oh man, Harrison got hurt in that pileup? And now it's 4th and 1. Flacco sneak works! Hey, a "Wind Direction" graphic. Stay innovating, SNF. I mean, Tucker's not missing this. Wheaton just beat that dude like a drum. Bad snap on the extra point... and the holder throws for two!




How is that not good unless he wasn't on the edge? Now it's getting chippy.
What are they looking at here? His knee wasn't down and that's clearly a forward pass.
That's a borderline dirty play by Suggs there on a guy who's been stopped by forward progress. And things are starting to get ugly. Are the refs handing out warnings? Sure seems like it. How did Suggs not get tossed for going over to the Steelers bench? EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.




Ben threw a strike to Brown, who ran across the field for the touchdown and that might do it. OR NOT. Remember when I said earlier that Jones was still kind of good at that? Nice hit by Ben to Bryant. OK. THAT should do it. Look, you can't both have it. Throwing it on 4th and 2 with a 12-point lead and two minutes left? That is some world-class trolling, Steelers. World. Class. (Steelers 43, Ravens 23)

That was a long way to go for no payoff, McConaghey. And how is he a Redskins fan from Texas? How did he stay alive? Chris Botti! An instrumental guy I've heard of! Eli scrambled up in the pocket and threw it to absolutely no one. It's really been a year and a half since the Giants have scored an opening drive touchdown? That seems impossible.




Coughlin was talking today or yesterday about how Luck just doesn't get sacked. Luck did what Eli just isn't capable of. 3rd and 15? Sure, run Peyton Hillis.




The Giants are determined to make life hard for Luck in the pocket. Lot of angry people going after that ball. Whelan ran right into his own man. Also "Griff Whelan" sounds like a lax bro. The Colts beat the replay flag! And nobody was anywhere near Fleener. Hillis? Hillis! And it ends in sadness. The Giants just don't have a good enough roster. Now Prince is out? DRC was already slowed by a bunch of things. Fleener? No. The officials discussed that and got it right that he was out of bounds. Now JPP's walking off? They're gonna have to get Strahan a uniform at this rate. You know who might not be all that good is Julius Randle. He just flat dropped that one.




The Giants haven't been bad defensively. And then... it appears whatever ails the receivers is contagious. I'm sure Steve Weatherford's loose. Holy hell T.Y. Hilton. DRC just got owned. Nice move, rook. Well that changes things. That's not grounding. Reggie Wayne's still got it, somewhat. Was that a fumble? I guess so. The Giants' defense seems to have been worn down... they're not getting enough help from the offense.




NOBODY covered Dwayne Allen. Fantastic play fake. This one seems finished. Ah geez, Richburg. Eli has the best hands on the Giants tonight. And that one didn't even count. (Colts 40, Giants 24)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Arizona (7-1) — Cardinals rising?
2. New England (7-2) — Holding the fort

3. Denver (6-2) — A predictable hiccup
4. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Late '70's version redux

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-7) — Pulling off that last drive was just too much to ask
30. Jacksonville (1-8) — At least Denard Robinson's doing well
31. N.Y. Jets (1-8) — So long, Rex
32. Oakland (0-8) — Put up a fight, at least
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Sunday, October 26, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Lower Management

Oh, Jets. Why do you make it so easy so many times? Their radio guys are... less than enthused. That was a long way to go for that. The Jets can't afford to settle for field goals tonight. As I say that, field goals end up giving them the lead. But only temporarily. Whoa, Sheldon Richardson's in the backfield. A Jets touchdown! Stop the presses! Wait, Gostkowski MADE that? I was sure that was wide left. Geno is down. That... didn't look good. So all that and he only misses one play? That's fortunate, I guess. Maybe he's a really good actor. Danny Amendola LIVES!




We've seen the Jets put together some quality drives tonight but they need a touchdown here. These receivers are highly substandard. Touchdown Jets! That... probably should have worked. I mean, it had a chance.







And what's scary about that is that his explanation almost made sense. Good job by the Jets' offensive players getting out of bounds. They have just enough time to get one more quick pass off. And that's exactly how you do that if nobody's open. Dump it as quickly as possible. 58 yards? Let's see. BLOCKED! That kick looked low. And it was.




I thought that name sounded familiar. (Patriots 27, Jets 25)

Speaking of the Jets, they finally got the alleged playmaker they so desperately needed... about six months too late:




And really, though: Percy Harvin played for Pete Carroll in a state where marijuana is legal and he still couldn't find any chill? This dude needs a shrink.

Signal Finder: CIN @ IND, CAR @ GB, SEA @ STL (2nd half), TEN @ WSH (end), NYG @ DAL

That was an... unfortunate sequence of events for the Panthers. Once Nelson made the move it was over. The Panthers can't stop anything right now. That one was just too easy. The Panthers can't get out of their own way. This'll be over quickly if they can't get sorted. JEBUS. I see why Kuechly's the Panthers' leading tackler — he's the only one who can. Finally, the Panthers are doing things. That's kind of a stupid penalty. At least they survived it. The irony there is a better throw gets intercepted. Lacy didn't even gain any more yards and the Panthers still couldn't bring him down. Then they jump offsides on 3rd down and Lacy uses the shorter distance to break one. There's nothing the Panthers can do. Touchdown to Cobb and this may be a wrap. I'm just gonna assume that "AARON SAYS RELAX" T-shirts are massive sellers in Wisconsin right now. Hey, a stop. This is the Panthers' best drive of the day and they're not even at midfield. Good catch by Benjamin to go up and get it. They need points here. That'll do, I guess. The Panthers have clearly rethought things. Newton with the sneak on 4th and 1... and they don't get it. Aaaand we're headed to St. Louis. (Packers 38, Panthers 17)

So both the Bears and the Buccaneers chose the wrong quarterback? Good to know. (Dolphins 27, Bears 14)


Is the referee putting his contact lens back in? He is! I find that strangely reassuring. So that was a fumble after all. Leon Hall just dropped a pick-six. I don't know where Luck was going with that, either. Careful with those legs, Burfict. That's a good stand by the Bengals — you make Luck run twice in a goal-to-go situation, you'll take that. Every time I've seen the Bengals this year, Gresham hasn't been getting any separation from defenders. Bradshaw! Good job atoning for the fumble earlier. It seems like Trent Richardson's finally starting to figure it out. Another fumble? Bad handoff. Man, as soon as I said it. Of course, the Bengals can't get anything going. A lot happened on that pass to Bernard — was it backwards? Was that hit legal?




Fleener couldn't have seen that; that's the only reason he didn't go get it. Did somebody just get run? Oh, yeah, you can't touch the refs. This may not  be the best time to point out that the Colts are hitting everything in front of them but they are. I'd be shocked if the Bengals' total yards after the catch was more than 10. I'm surprised Allen stayed inbounds. The Bengals are getting overwhelmed on offense. it really does feel like they should be down 30 with how little production they've gotten. This should be a touchdown. Yep — the guy tackling Bradshaw grabbed him by his knee, keeping it from hitting the ground. Dude has six touchdown catches. Sanu! That's the first play the Bengals have made and there's 11 minutes left. They didn't get ANY points? Lord. To D.C.! (Colts 27, Bengals 0)




There was no fair catch signal. Carroll can complain all he wants. A Seahawk slipped on that Cunningham 3rd down run that didn't get there. That is terrible edge defense by the Rams. How do you let Russell Wilson break off a 52-yarder? Offensive holding takes away a touchdown and Lynch's only good run today. That's... a touchdown. Who's this dude? Number three tight end? I'm not a fan of the empty backfield on the two-point conversion, even with a quarterback who can run. I think it limits your options. And it didn't work. Chris Givens? Let me tell you something: I don't want to say if Austin Davis is good or not, but he isn't bad. Did this break the plane? Yes! The problem the Rams had last week was they couldn't sustain it for four quarters. This week they just might. If... IF they can stop this drive, which they haven't yet. How did Kearse get that open? Then he ran through the coverage. Bad tackling by the Rams on the Baldwin touchdown. FAKE PUNT!!!! If nothing else, it bought the Rams some yardage. Best case, it might end the game.




Why did Fisher call time out? Fumble? Who's got it? That's a clean fumble. No way to tell.




Rams ball! That's it! Wow. Carroll looks stunned.




(Rams 28, Seahawks 26)




I don't think we could have expected Colt McCoy to be the one to end the Kirk Cousins era but here we are. Offsetting penalties? So much for that big DeSean catch. That is blatant interference — McCourty's hanging on for dear life, as Harlan described it. Stop yapping, DeSean. How did he not get flagged there? Field goal up. Field goal good. And Colt McCoy has as many wins this season as Kirk Cousins does. (Redskins 19, Titans 17)


Well, Brees looks like he's back. Great catch and body control by that guy to give the Lions the lead. So Brees cooled off in the fourth? Look, if you make him run, that's a win. And there's your stop.




Apparently no one. (Lions 24, Saints 23)

Why so mad, Giants? Three straight runs. Interesting. Fine coverage by the Giants on Escobar. did they forget he was on the field? Antrel Rolle was going in the opposite direction. Also, Romo had three days to throw that ball. Chronicle the saga of the Giants' new offense, won't you, Thom Brenneman? I feel like Giants fans had gotten fed up with Gilbride's predictable scheme and wanted something new.




Well this is interesting. The ground caused that fumble but I don't know about that spot. Now, did Garrett challenge after they measured? It's short. Giants going for it? I'd have the quarterback sneak banked just in case drawing them offsides goes wrong. Aaand it's a false start so it doesn't matter. How are you gonna fine a guy who clearly can't afford underwear? I kid, I kid, the NFL rookie scale is pretty good. The Giants are misfiring in the passing game again. Big pickup by Donnell. They're going for it again? And throwing into double coverage? Pass interference? OK. Hey an Andre Williams sighting. Carr holds Beckham and he still scores. Romo just barely escaped calamity there. Dez fell down is why that interception happened. That return by Prince, though. Murray popped him one at the end to knock him out of bounds. Touchdown Giants.




Careful, DeMarco — you've never played a full season in the NFL. I mean, Romo has so much time at times behind this line. I don't understand the last three minutes of this half. ELI MOTORING. That should have been a fumble. That drive was kind of a waste. Hey, Murray's back in. You have to actually tackle Dez. Romo led Escobar pretty much perfectly on that touchdown.  Aikman's talking about how these quick wide receiver screens didn't work for the Seahawks last week, either. Another wasted drive by the Giants. WHOA that's bright. Romo just said "double move" and then they ran the ball. I'd have gone for it, Garrett. The Giants can't stop them right now. Charissa's report about the sunlight coming in through the usually-closed doors has me thinking of The Hunt For Red October. "Those doors, sir, are the problem." Fumble! Cowboys ball. Pretty much the same thing that happened earlier on the Bradshaw run that they didn't give the Cowboys the ball on. Dez!! They're gonna give him that? Nah, he's down at about the 3. Or the 1. It's all semantics, really. I feel like Eli's had a good game but it won't matter in the end. Well, they've got something cooking here, at least. I mean, this is what this offense is now, especially with no Cruz. Beckham scores and for the moment, we have a game. This is how you run a four-minute drive, and Bailey's not going to miss this field goal. (Cowboys 31, Giants 21)




Dockett's already out for the season. What's he got to lose? (Cardinals 24, Raiders 13)

Those aren't the 49ers' regular left guard and center either. That was easy enough. This would be the place to try a 51-yarder with a 39-year-old kicker, you know. Not even close. That's good concentration by Sanders. Peyton just faked everybody out on that pass to Welker. He's tied! Been quite a few sacks already tonight. Is there any ball Boldin can't catch? Yeah, that's interference, and not good interference, as Boldin caught it before it got knocked out of his hands. Well I guess there's one ball Boldin can't catch.




I have no idea why Harbaugh's challenging this — he's gonna lose 15 yards on the penalty regardless.
That is also a penalty. Peyton fell down after that play fake and for a split second I thought he was going to try to throw it from his back. Wrong Thomas, Peyton. Good job by NBC going to the PA for the announcement.










The Niners are wasting all kinds of time here. I feel like they were unjustly rewarded for that.
Not a good throw by Kaepernick. And Peyton cashes in IMMEDIATELY. The 49ers corners aren't good. And really, they're just outmanned in general tonight and will be until they get some key guys back. Now the Broncos are continuing a 15-year or so tradition of running the ball effectively with guys you've never heard of. Al and Cris are flipping coins up in the booth. Osweiler's in. Were those his career numbers? Also, I see Blaine Gabbert is still crap.




Look, a good prank requires proper planning. Any episode of Night Court should have taught you that. (Broncos 42, 49ers 17)

YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE. Good Lord, I apologize. That's what the Texans needed and the Steelers didn't. Ben didn't even hold on to the ball all that long — Mercilus was just on him that quickly. Also, Watt straight up abused DiCostanzo. The Steelers' defense is just too old. That's... that's a hell of a metaphor by Timmons just now.




You know who's good is DeAndre Hopkins. I'd go for this if I were the Texans. You've got Arian Foster. And that's how you do that. Watt is unblockable. You know a guy who doesn't get talked about anymore is Brian Cushing, who looked really slow trying to run down Bell just then. Whoa! Someone blew a coverage. This is that kid's debut, I believe. Good start. Wait, is this a fumble? They're looking closely at it. Steelers ball! That did NOT deserve to work. And Fitzpatrick just threw an interception! Timmons is having a rough night. That pass hit him in the head. Touchdown to Bell! JEBUS.










Flea flicker? Shame that didn't amount to anything. Now the Texans are pinned deep. Nice job moving the ball and getting out of there. This is getting overturned — Moore was rather clearly down. Though I do find it interesting that the original call was that the Texans player had stepped out of bounds after picking the ball up. You know who's still good is Andre Johnson. I mean, that's a catch. It's not NOT a catch. THIS one, on the other hand... where's that second foot? Man, I don't know. That's as close as it gets. Oh my God, Hopkins, that was terrible. Tirico's right — why are the Steelers throwing here? The Texans somehow have no time outs left. Is Jim Harbaugh coaching tonight? And here's why... the Texans just went down the field on your defense and there's still 1:45 left. You'd better recover this awful onside kick. Good job. (Steelers 30, Texans 23)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Dallas (6-1) — I mean... there's really no denying it
2. Denver (5-1) — A self-assured bunch
3. Arizona (5-1) — Another easy victory
4. Green Bay (5-2) — Sneaking up on everyone

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — No team in the league has allowed more points
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Nice first win for the Jags
31. N.Y. Jets (1-6) — I'm guessing Harvin won't much like it here, either
32. Oakland (0-6) — Hit new low getting trolled by an injured guy
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Saturday, September 27, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Stuck In a Craw

Devin Hester is still good at his job. The Buccaneers' new white uniforms are somewhat less offensive to my sensibilities than the black ones. Wait 'til you see those monstrosities.


Why is Steven Jackson still viable? He's like 206. Oh, Gerald McCoy's out? That explains all of this blood. Why is Kroy Biermann running downfield with a running back? The Bucs' punter just saved a touchdown. SO, wait, there were two flags? Whatever. Should've done that the first time. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO. Man, Jackson's speed is gone. How did he get around the corner? I guess we're not covering Julio Jones tonight. The kick returner just got steamrolled. That's not a fumble? Whatever. That was too easy. The Josh McCown Experiment has been an utter failure so far. Wait, I missed another touchdown? Oh, Hester struck? All right.
Another fantastic catch by Jones in traffic. At least they covered him this time. This fumble scrum is turning into a fight. Buccaneers ball! That went well. Hester AGAIN.


McCown's hurt? I wouldn't bother at this point.


Yeah, here's Glennon. Mike Evans just ran 10 yards backwards after that catch. The sad thing about this field goal is Bryant's not even showing off here. He just missed it wide.


Glennon needs to run faster if he's going to do that. Jones is out here murdering fools. And now a bad snap leads to Falcons ball at the 1. Jackson fought like a madman to get that touchdown.


T.J. Yates lives! WELP. The Bucs have straight given up. Seriously, why are they already replacing the Georgia Dome? At least they're not punting here. They scored! Whoa, Yates just threw a pick-six, and because of that, despite everything else, the Tampa Bay defense probably still got you positive fantasy points tonight. raises hand He does that six more times and we've got a game. How are there still six minutes left? (Falcons 56, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI; DEN @ SEA

It's oddly misty out there. Joe Buck shouting out Tone Loc is frightening. There's DeSean with a catch and he gets booed. SERIOUSLY?!?!? DeSean clearly shoves Nate Allen first and Allen gets flagged? That's some bullshit right there. The makeup call wasn't much better, either. So we're looking for a hands to the face? Oh, the guy's helmet came off. Try covering Young near the goal line next time. Well I guess Chris Polk's healthy. Three other guys followed him into the tunnel.


FOX has this thing now on their ticker where they have a yellow line next to the arrow for possession and it doesn't look that good. The Eagles' defense is offering zero resistance. Fletcher's been getting lit up like Williams usually does. I hate the squib kick. FINALLY the Eagles go on offense. So Sproles loses his footing, fumbles, and there's a holding penalty on top of it. Perfection. And Cousins still hasn't missed. But I repeat myself. OH MY GOD A STOP ON THIRD DOWN.




Oh, Kelce. You didn't need to do anything there. But like Aikman said, dude was stride for stride with Maclin, for God's sake. Nice job, Cooper. Washington will challenge this for no reason. Ertz! Just as Buck starts talking up the Redskins defense Matthews catches them napping. Good job showing up, rook. How did Garcon catch that? And why did Cousins throw it there when he knows the double coverage is coming? Fletcher's having a terrible game. It's the Jordan Matthews Show all of a sudden. Foles should have eaten that. Matthews again! Did he get his feet down? Sick throw into traffic by Foles, too. Now Kelce's hurt? Oh boy. Italian Market B-roll? That's different. That pass interference may have saved a touchdown, actually — Matthews catches that otherwise and he maybe wins that race. I'd have run it on 3rd and 3 but that's me. A three-and-out! Now Erin's saying that they're looking at Jason Peters on the sideline also. Two minutes later they throw the flag for a face mask on Sproles. And they called it a horse collar? Is this a Pac-12 crew? Now Foles is dinged?



Sproles just does things, man. We got a roughing call? Aikman sounds like he doesn't really like it. McCoy is really struggling this season so far. So Chip's challenging the run after the catch. Forcing a third down! Sweet! I think. Cousins has missed a few throws in the second half. Sproles just got tripped up or that had potential. Aaand that's what we were all afraid of. Also Cousins had three days to throw that pass. Williams is mad at somebody on the sideline. He should be mad at himself for missing the tackle.


Here's the thing, and anyone who roots for a team can relate to this: You have your favorite teams that you like, maybe even love. You root for them all the time, through good and bad, thick and thin. But you have favorite players; guys you like more than other guys. And then there's that one guy that every team has (and yes, every team has this player) that, for some reason, you just don't like that much. The guy who's just hard to root for. The reason rarely matters but always varies -- maybe he's just not good, maybe bad things happen whenever he's prominently involved, maybe he's very good but does maddening things every so often, maybe his personality just drives you nuts, maybe you think he should be better than he is. For me, and for the Eagles, DeSean was that guy. When he got cut, I thought, "They're going to miss him on the field. This doesn't make any sense. But at least we don't have to put up with all of his other crap any more." Of course, then he signed with Washington (and don't underestimate that part of this particular equation) and we learned we would have to put up with all of his other crap. That's why he's getting booed so gleefully even though we'll never know what he did wrong... because cheering him was just too much work.

Back in the immediate moment, the other problem is the Eagles' offensive line is just running out of guys and Foles is taking hits. "Tress Way"? That's a name? That's something a human being is called? The Eagles' secondary has been bad today but, again, they've gotten absolutely no pass rush on Cousins. CLANG! Off the upright and NO GOOD. Oh boy... Foles is down again, he threw an interception, and now there's a brawl on the field. Well, that's not an interception. Foles got plastered after the fact and that's what started the fisticuffs.



Wait, how did Trent Williams get thrown out, too? Baker got tossed, and rightfully so. So did they mean to throw out Peters? Because that would make... somewhat more sense. OK, so Peters is out.



NEW AUDIENCE. Y'all just missed some foolishness, by the way. This feels like we're headed for overtime. The Eagles should win this challenge — Maclin's knee was down. Yep. They get a free spin, too! MACLIN!! Was that Meriweather he beat? Foles is having the kind of game that'll get these fans behind him. Jenkins with the interception! Now seems like a good time to point out that Andy would have completely abandoned the run three quarters ago. Feels like that's the first time we've seen Helu all day. That didn't take long.



Onside kick? I say no. Three-and-out was the last thing the Eagles needed. That holding penalty wiped out a good punt and forced a bad one on the rekick. A turnover would be helpful. Seriously, why doesn't Boykin start? Cousins missed Garcon and the Eagles will somehow hold. Now to run clock. They need a first down. James Casey lives! That's the end of that. (Eagles 37, Redskins 34)




REMATCH. Well, at least the Broncos got their first play off this time.




Did the Seahawks steal that pass to the quarterback play from the Bengals earlier? And Wilson took a shot. That's not a touchdown from Lynch. The Broncos are already off to a better start than the last time this happened. It helps the Broncos that they've gotten some guys back since then and added some new ones. That third-down stat for the Seahawks defense is amazing(-ly bad). Good throw by Wilson on the touchdown to Lockette. And another Broncos turnover as Demaryius Thomas loses the fumble. Unless he didn't catch it in the first place. This is why I need to be commissioner, I'd simplify SO MUCH of this stuff. That was odd... Baldwin caught the ball, made the one guy miss, then everyone else just stopped and he gained about seven more yards. Touchdown Lynch and this is starting to feel familiar. The Broncos can't get down the field. I mean, they're trying this time at least. They just can't do it. Hauschka missed that? Weird. This game seems like it's going by fast. How did Wilson not lose that fumble? Did he lose it? SAFETY and that looked doomed from the get-go. Tip interception by the Broncos. Peyton finds Julius Thomas and we've got a game, maybe. Intercepted by Chancellor! That might be it. Hauschka's not even going to get to kick this, is he? Oh, it's 4th down. Never mind. Let's see if this works. Someone got their wires crossed when those two Seahawks collided. I don't wanna get hit by Kam Chancellor. This all looks like the same play. Touchdown! That dude's still got it. Going for two here. Thomas! They're taking an awful long time to look at this. I mean, even I figured it out after the second or third watch. Count it and we're tied!




The Seahawks will sit on this. "Good afternoon." It's STILL afternoon, dude. Tarvaris Jackson's in on the coin toss? Seahawks not all that interested in throwing the ball downfield, but why should they be? It's death by a thousand cuts right now.




Wilson's been their best runner on this drive. And Lynch ends it. That's not ideal, but it's still better than college overtime. (Seahawks 26, Broncos 20, OT)

Fernando Velasco? Wasn't he in the Indians' bullpen four years ago? Flags everywhere! Good catch by Brown. "You're not even close." Roethlisberger can get this himself and he does. Touchdown! That's a perfectly placed throw. Wait, they called it incomplete? The Steelers have to challenge this, right? I'm not sure I agree with letting this go. This game's about as interesting as the Ravens-Steelers game was, which is to say not in the least. More fisticuffs? Man, there are a ton of Steelers fans in the house tonight. They're everywhere.




That's a fumble and there was a huge pop when the Steelers recovered it. Did anyone even hit Cam? And the Steelers still won't get a touchdown out of it. Wait, someone jumped offsides on the field goal attempt? Wait, Roethlisberger hasn't thrown the ball yet? Touchdown! Oh man, they've got Ike Taylor's arm in something. Cam missed two guys on that 3rd down pass.




Damn, Kuechly got busted up on that Bell jaunt. They're gonna call offensive pass interference here? Another touchdown for Brown. Greg Olsen just outran a cornerback. NBC DJ breaking out Janet's "Black Cat." PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Steelers are literally running this defense ragged. Blount finishes it off after his big sprint and that's the end of that, as shown by Derek Anderson's entry. Nice coverage. Stop showing off, Blount. Yes, you've got hops at 245 pounds. We get it. (Steelers 37, Panthers 19)


"The Sons Of Anarchy."  Oh, Jon. They've been using that in New York for two years. Well that's an inauspicious beginning. Just a terrible throw.




See, the one to Ivory on the second drive, that's better. You just need a little patience, Geno. What was that weirdness with Vick? Hey, Santonio Holmes! Nice to see him back in the league after two years. Well that punt was a comedy of errors. First it almost gets blocked, then the Jets muff it and the Bears get it back. Not sure that was defensive PI. Cutler ends up finding Bennett and it's 14-0. Wait, what first down? They scored!




Decker took a shot on that catch over the middle. His hamstring looks OK. That drive started well but sputtered out. Now the Bears receivers are just running through the Jets defense. Bennett dropped that touchdown three times but DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Jets football, ladies and gentlemen! Still, they kept the Bears out of the end zone so good on them. Nice pass to the rookie Jace Amaro. Another field goal? Well, it's something. Marshall's hurt? Well, that ankle wasn't going to hold up forever.
Gotta secure the football. Gruden's desperately trying not to say "Who the hell is calling these plays?"




Kerley's a good guy to have around as long as you don't push him beyond his limits. I'm not sure if those are his limits, but well done.




I had no idea the Jets forced the fewest turnovers last season. Nice shout out to the replay officials. The Jets utterly wasted that opportunity. The only thing worse would have been them giving the ball back. Antonio Allen just stopped Matt Forte's longest run in two weeks. Bennett again? Jebus. The Jets got real lucky that Fuller's leg was still on the sideline there. Geno probably could have run for that but Amaro just dropped it. Seriously, Geno?




Then Allen misses a chance to get it back when Cutler got hit and threw up a duck. Who is calling these plays? A shotgun quarterback draw into the blitz? Are you nuts? They're lucky that wasn't a fumble. The Jets have Quinton Coples guarding Brandon Marshall on the outside? Are they shaving points? How many have they left on the field tonight?




Another field goal for the Bears and that might do it. This is an important spot. The Bears are challenging this and they might win it. Call stands. Why are the Jets running the ball? Greg Salas? Really? The Bears are out of safeties like the Eagles are out of offensive linemen. And that's four straight incompletions. Good job, everyone involved! This game sucked. Bucs-Falcons was somehow better than this. (Bears 27, Jets 19)

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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Throwback Throwdown

Wait, "Bittersweet Symphony"? These pre-game musical selections already have my head spinning.


Please, please take the over on the length of the National Anthem. That was fun. Note: That "Coin Toss" graphic is not actually ON the field.


No one knows how to take a knee on a kickoff return anymore. What caused THAT? Moreno just fell on it.







Harvin! Oh, he stepped on the sideline and he knows it. Fun fact: The tight end Wilson just overthrew — Zach Miller — is the highest-paid Seahawk. This replay angle looks like Wilson got there.


Wait, is that the Ian Rappaport from the NFL Network? God, I hope not.


Wait, that was a car commercial? I was expecting a movie. And since when does Maserati even advertise? That's why I hate challenging spots. Then there's a false start. That Silverado commercial had both way too much subtext and way too much actual text. Chancellor made that hit look effortless. It's weird seeing Aaron Paul with a full head of hair. The Seahawks keep converting these third downs. CHICANERY! Doesn't rule in that case. That's not grounding?


I mean, that's intentional grounding if it's anything. It's certainly not a fumble.


Avril was right in Peyton's face there. That's the difference... PRESSURE. The Patriots never laid a finger on Peyton and you'll remember he had one of the best games ever against them.






Yeah, that's pass interference. Touchdown Lynch. Why is Chancellor on the kickoff team? Seems strange.




The Broncos are throwing a lot of short passes. I mean, very short. They're not running the ball at all, either. There's a deep pass. Another interception! There's Avril again; that time he got Peyton on the arm and knocked that pass into orbit. Remember Malcolm Smith? The guy who made the game-sealing interception two weeks ago? He's making sure you know who he is now.




A fumble on the kickoff? Oh no. Oh, they're overturning it? Yeah, he's down. That could have ended the game right there.




I mean, I understand why they're doing it now, but how many times have the Broncos run the ball so far? Three? Four?



Can you try a field goal here? I don't know. I might consider it but whatever.




Meanwhile, Toyota's got Jan breaking the fourth wall.

Wait, is Bruno doing his own drumming? That's pretty good. I only know the one song of his that everybody loves, so I'm interested to see how this turns out. And of course he leads with it.

The band really does add a lot to the act. The sound in here isn't the greatest — I didn't realize he was doing "Shout" until he started bringing it back up. That's a fantastic transition even though it was telegraphed. Who's the Peppers' guitarist these days?

LEON SANDCASTLE PART 2.

A pooch kick? CHRIST ON WHEELS. Guys, the Seahawks played in the last lousy Super Bowl we had, and this one just ended.


How many sideline reporters does FOX have for this game? What was that? God bless you, Sarah McLachlan. Demariyus may have gotten away with OPI there. This punt is a white flag.

Lynch almost broke that, not that it matters. The one thing the Broncos can say is that they've largely kept Lynch in check. The rest of it, though. I mean... at least by punting they flipped the field? I don't know. I'm grasping at straws here. Clean strip by Maxwell and Malcolm Smith is trying to win the MVP award.








Kearse just ran through four guys to score and the Broncos look like they've quit. Bob Dylan? Really?

Why is Troy referencing a preseason game? It's so bad I'm not even noticing the Broncos are driving again. Also because they've all ended badly. Except for this one. Nice catch. So both teams have hit 8 points in this game.

Apparently Chris Pine is too big for these Star Trek xFinity ads. I keep forgetting Lynch actually has a backup. This probably won't count. There's another third down conversion. And Baldwin joins the scoring party. That Radio Shack 80's ad turned out to be the most appropriate Super Bowl ad ever because this game is straight out of the 80's, right through the Broncos being on the business end of the ass-kicking. Avril almost picked that off. Thomas hit Sherman in the back. Wait, when did Thurmond go down? Did I miss a play?

Let's talk about this Seahawks team for a minute. It is PACKED FULL of guys nobody else wanted. Harvin and Lynch were first-round picked who were dumped by the teams that drafted them. A punter was drafted before Russell Wilson. They grabbed two guys — Sherman and Baldwin — that now-49ers coach Jim Harbaugh coached at Stanford. Their highest-paid player, again, is ZACH MILLER.

SodaStream seems below Scarlett Johansson. Maybe it's me. So those were spots for the new 24 miniseries. The last one looked like a Battlefield/COD commercial (which I still struggle to tell apart). Man, Eli looks sadder than Peyton does.


Tarvaris Jackson LIVES! I'm not sure I would have let him throw a pass, though. I don't know why Peyton's still out there. No one had this outcome. No one.





Marcus Allen? It's an AFC West BONANZA up in here! Al Davis is throwing up in his grave. Malcolm Smith's your MVP.

Howie Long makes a great point: The NFL now is SO offense-focused and offense-favored. For a defense to do this to an offense, especially THIS offense... holy crap. (Seahawks 43, Broncos 8)

FINAL RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (16-3) — Champions at last
2. San Francisco (14-5) — Oh, the agony
3. Denver (15-4) — Opening old wounds
4. Carolina (12-5) — Interesting times ahead

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-12) — Can they finally start getting better?
30. Cleveland (4-12) — Just a complete mess of an organization
31. Houston (2-14) — New beginnings abound
32. Washington (3-13) — Could use some inspiration
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Sunday, February 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: A Ticket Punchers' Chance

I have to think that the move to change the start times of these games to 3 and 6:30 Eastern was, at least in part, for this very set of circumstances. You have to CATCH the snap, Peyton. That's better. That's two three-and-outs by the Patriots already.


I know I keep saying this but who are these jabronis Brady's throwing to? Uh-oh. Manning hit his groove. That's not pass interference? Way to not answer Nantz's question, Simms. It was kind of important.


Hey, a completion! That Ridley run was only the third that's been called so far. That still doesn't answer the question, Phil. Well, there it is, and it's by a guy who will never get the ball thrown to him again. Gotta call holding sometime.


Did the Broncos just give a backup tight end the ball on a RUNNING play? The Broncos have split Patriots defenders a few times already on this drive. Just finding holes and slipping through them. Did Peyton just say "Batman?" (Turns out it was "Fat man.") Moreno! DON'T FEED THE MACHINE, CBS GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT.


The Broncos won't risk a sneak here. Jebus, Peyton had at least three targets to choose from. Belichick going with the cap? Huh. Neither quarterback has faced any real pressure so far. Peyton is threading some needles on this two-minute drive. Why is Bon Jovi in Kraft's suite? That should have had a more successful ending. Wait, Peyton's 10 for his last 10? I  might have gone for it before the half if I'd known that. We're already talking about defensive fatigue, Simms? Though it should be noted that the Broncos got the ball to start the third quarter. Ball just plowed through the defense on that 3rd down run. Touchdown. Brady's all "I'm gonna have to do this myself again, aren't I?" The Patriots need this drive, and they probably need a touchdown. Everyone called time out there, apparently. The Patriots are still going for this. Aaaand that didn't work out so well. Knighton's been beating down fools all game and just got rewarded.


Julius Thomas just worked whoever was trying to cover him. Man, a touchdown would have ended it for sure. Although as badly as the Patriots are playing offensively, it might not matter. I mean, I didn't think they'd be able to score enough points but this is ridiculous.


How did Brady complete that? He was going down and lobbed it up there — I thought it had a better chance of getting intercepted. They needed that conversion. The overthrow followed by the touchdown to Edelman only underscores how not good Brady's been today. That's a big pickup from Peyton to Julius. But the one where he missed Demariyus could have ended it. Still, though. Uh-oh, Brady's doing that surgical thing. The Broncos are sitting back and the Patriots are killing them with underneath stuff. Brady could run for this. And he does! How do you fail to tackle Tom Brady, of all people? Just stand him up and wrap up. Not. Even. Close.


And that failed onside kick will put a wrap on this. Tamme! And that IS that. Hey, an Eli and Archie sighting! Also, John Fox's Revenge. (Broncos 26, Patriots 16)

Joe is PUMPED. Dr. Dre here to support his Beats clients. Stealing the "Crank It Up" box? The NASCAR people are gonna be PISSED. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL.


Giving up only three isn't the greatest thing here. Lynch got stuffed. That wasn't close either. That's why the fair catch signal was invented. You can't take that hit under any circumstances. Not sure how Reid didn't intercept that. It went off his hands! Kaepernick's running like he's playing the Packers. This is... I don't think he made it. Good thing these get reviewed. Nope. So what do the 49ers do? Run it back, that's what.
Wilson's getting chased all over this field.


Baldwin!! That may have been the miracle Greeny just referenced. The Seahawks are down enough receivers as it is — they better hope Baldwin's okay.


I don't like anything about this call. Not the call itself or the fact that the 49ers benefit from it.


Somehow, LaMichael James is back on this kickoff.


Whoa, Gore almost put that on the ground. Lynch is starting to find some holes. Like THAT one. That was the longest delay for an obvious touchdown ever.


I would have edited Cam's Play 60 commercial completely differently. They cut the best parts! Nice grab by Crabtree. Fumble! And the 49ers get lucky that their center ends up with it.


SO MUCH going on with that touchdown. First, Kaepernick was off the ground when he threw it. How did Earl Thomas not knock that down? Also, great concentration by Boldin there. Then Baldwin comes right back with a big kickoff return. The ones that are going the distance you can tell are going the distance. That one never looked like it but it was still huge.


The Seahawks cannot handle the 49ers' pressure. Taking out the punter? OK, that one's grounding.


They're gonna kick this? OK. That was disjointed. Now they're going for it? You can't ask for more than that. Free play and a touchdown!


Harbaugh is SOUR. Delay of game on San Francisco? That took longer than it normally does. FUMBLE! The Niners were due to lose one, too. Who's got this now? What all happened? Kearse didn't reach the end zone, Bowman has the ball on the replay, then gets hurt, and... loses it at some point? It's not reviewable because it was ruled that the Seahawks recovered. Oh man. And Pereira just said that who recovered it isn't reviewable, just whether it was a fumble or not. Oh, Bowman was down before he lost it? Wow. And now he's hurt? Oh God, his leg.


Now the Seahawks are going for it. FUMBLE! Well that worked out, I guess? I don't know. I tend to think not.




Kaepernick never should have thrown that pass. Just run straight ahead, Tate. Jebus. You've got the lead; you don't need to stop the clock. Converting that first down would have been preferable.


That wouldn't have worked anyway. How much time is left? Gore! Gotta play the man there, not the ball. Hey, a Vernon Davis sighting. Seahawks need to crank it up here. Tipped... INTERCEPTION! And there's where you play the ball. You KNOW Sherman loved doing that.









And we've got ourselves an old-school AFC West throwdown. See you in the urban jungle. (Seahawks 23, 49ers 17)

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