Showing posts with label Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Show all posts

Friday, September 21, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Down To The Ground

Wait, the main FOX crew's doing the NFL Network games too? Jeez. Talk about slumming it. Man, the Ravens completely overhauled their wide receivers. All three guys are new. Green can't handle that one. Both teams exchange punts, with the Ravens fumbling their return but getting it back. Flacco IMMEDIATELY gets intercepted. Pass into the end zone gets deflected and... intercepted? Incomplete. Referees discuss it and change it to an interception by Weddle. Now they can review it and this is getting overturned — Weddle's left foot was out of bounds. It's overturned. The Ravens' C.J. Mosley being carted off. Ravens get called for DPI in the end zone. Dalton rolls out and finds Green for the touchdown. Lamar Jackson in at receiver, and Flacco goes to Crabtree for a first down. Is this intentional grounding? Refs say Flacco's forward progress was stopped before his throw, so it's a sack. Buck seems skeptical of that reasoning.







Dalton finds Green in traffic,and Green gets out of traffic and scores after breaking a tackle. 14-0 Bengals. Bengals driving AGAIN. Penalty on 3rd and 13 keeps the drive going. Green AGAIN!! And it's not like the Ravens aren't covering him. He's just been that good.





The Bengals have scored 45 straight points going back to Sunday. Jackson back in, this time at quarterback, but Sam Hubbard just blew up whatever the Ravens may have been planning there. John Brown makes a big catch in traffic (he's not as large as Green) for a 45-yard gain. Pass interference in the end zone gives the Ravens the ball at the 1. Buck Allen scores. Apparently Collinsworth trolled Aikman by telling him he'd be relaxing at home watching this game tonight. Dalton finds Tyler Boyd down the sideline for 21. Boyd again on third down. And this time it's Boyd for the touchdown. Ravens in four-down territory at the 2-minute warning. THE FIRST ONE. Ravens hold and the Bengals have to punt. Flacco airmails it for Brown, but Dre Kirkpatrick bumps him slightly (Incidental contact; no reason to throw a flag) and drops an interception. Then he gets flagged for pass interference and it's Ravens ball at the 1. Alex Collins gets stuffed on first down. This time Crabtree pushes off Kirkpatrick, but the Bengals called time out, so the play doesn't count. FINALLY Flacco finds rookie TE Mark Andrews for a touchdown.




Justin Tucker from 55 and the touchdown run is snapped. 28-17 Bengals. Another interception from Flacco. Things have slowed down considerably. Ravens pick up 3rd and 1 on a Flacco sneak. Touchdown John Brown! Bengals want a penalty but won't get it. Two-point conversion fails but it's still a five-point game with 9:35 left. Actually, Collinsworth is here, as the Bengals honored the 1988 Super Bowl team. Mixon back for the Bengals. First down after a penalty after an incompletion on 3rd and 2. Bengals can't make 3rd and 15, but they're at the Ravens' 11 for what should be an easy field goal. It's good, and it's 31-23. Flacco rolls out... that is a fumble. Bengals take over. Field goal makes it 34-23. 48 seconds left — the Ravens should spike it and kick the field goal right now. They spike it, but they keep running plays. Harbaugh has botched this and they won't get the ball back.  Hey, this score looks familiar. (Bengals 34, Ravens 23)

Signal Finder: KC @ PIT, PHI @ TB, MIN @ GB (end), NE @ JAX, OAK @ DEN (end)

The Chiefs force a three-and-out, so the Steelers punt it short of Tyreek Hill. But DeAnthony Thomas IS there, and he returns it for 31 yards, and then 12 more after he bobbled the ball. Travis Kelce dinged for OPI. Mahomes with a bullet to Chris Conley for the touchdown. Hey, it's Sammy Watkins. Hey, there he is again. Touchdown Kelce! Steelers driving finally. Third down pass is too high and Boswell MISSES from 49. Now an end around to Watkins, who's given them some big plays already. Mahomes to Hill for a touchdown!




21-0 and they're booing softly in Pittsburgh. Sack/fumble/Chiefs touchdown is negated by defensive holding on Orlando Scandrick, who, remarkably, is still in the league. Ben finds Juju. Steelers clicking again. Ben throws up a lob and Road Dogg catches it for a touchdown. Steelers driving again. Screen to Juju to the outside gives them first and goal. Too high for James. Juju in the corner for the touchdown. Missed extra point.




The Chiefs' offense has ground to a halt. That's kind of a ridiculous over-the-shoulder catch by James. Conner tries his best OBJ impression but lands out of bounds, but there was pass interference. Touchdown Steelers! Two-point conversion succeeds and we're tied. 21-21 at halftime. Second half starts similarly to the first — with a big play. This time it's Mahomes to Hill for 36. Mahomes to Kelce for the touchdown. Juju's just gonna run away from linebackers, guys. Is that an honest-to-goodness fullback? This is close. It's called a touchdown and I think it'll stand. Yep. Put it on the board for Conner. We're tied again. That hair is terrible. The Steelers cannot tackle Travis Kelce.




Touchdown Chiefs. Incomplete, they now say. Nah, that's a catch. Throw the flag, Andy. Call reversed. Touchdown. Mahomes just missed Watkins. The doctor gets flagged for illegal use of hands. Concerning. Hill! SIX. TOUCHDOWN. PASSES.




A safety breaks up the monotony. Chiefs fumble! Steelers have it! Big gain by James. Great pass breakup by new Chief Kendall Fuller, keeping Brown out of the end zone. Roethlisberger takes off and... SCORES? Yes! Extra point is good. Chiefs running clock successfully. Steelers force a punt on 4th and 6... and run into the punter. (Chiefs 42, Steelers 37)

It is HOT. SON OF A GOD DAMN BITCH.




I fucking hate him. I always have. Eagles follow up with a three-and-out on offense. That's a good punt. Ryan Fitzpatrick protects the football? What?? 43-yard punt return by Clement nullified by a penalty. Ajayi out with a back injury. Two straight first downs for the Eagles. Then two straight penalties, and three on the last four plays. 2nd and 40! That ended how you imagine it did. Now the Bucs face a 3rd and 21, and that also ended how you imagine it did. Foles scrambles for a first down. Foles loses the ball, and it's ruled a fumble and the Bucs recover. That's close, but I think it stands. Confirmed. Well then. The Eagles get it back two plays later off of a deflection! JPP with the sack. Punt lands right on the goal line. Mike Evans with a straight-up drop. The Bucs haven't done much offensively since that first play. Ertz with a first down catch. Pass interference on Chris Conte, who is bad. Josh Perkins gets a catch? Feels like the Eagles are throwing too much on this drive. Agholor gets spun around and comes up short on 3rd and 7, it looks like. Length of the football. Pederson's going for it. Foles sneak gets it. Ertz was open on that first-down breakdown. Touchdown Clement! O.J. Howard for a 75-yard touchdown!




He caught six passes in his entire career at Alabama, only in bowl games, and they were ALL like this. (I'm exaggerating. Sort of.) He got help from a great block by Chris Godwin on Jenkins. Extra point is MISSED. Bucs actually driving this time. Eagles forget to cover Godwin and he's wide open for a touchdown. 20-7. Foles finds Ertz down the sideline. Elliott CLANGS from 42. Nothing going right. Ajayi back out to start the second half. Ertz has to come back to his and he's short. Pederson going for it on 4th and 4 from the Tampa 49. Doesn't work. DeSean with a catch inside the 10. Cox walks off. Fitzpatrick finds Evans in the back of the end zone. I know FitzMagic has never been sustainable but is there a chance Jameis Winston doesn't get his job back in two weeks? This is his sixth start against the Eagles,and for his sixth team. He started the Eagles-Bengals tie? Wild.
Big pass play to Agholor. Conte's replacement stops Agholor on a reverse. Fourth and 1 from the Bucs' 5. Foles sneak again works. Touchdown Ajayi. Jenkins strips the ball from Evans and the Eagles have it. Clement takes a shot while laying out for that 4th down pass and he's slow to get up.




Agholor's gotta call for a fair catch there. Was that a catch? Eh, no matter, DPI gives the Eagles a first down. Eagles are going for it on 4th because they ran Ajayi on third. Crazy catch by Agholor in the back corner of the end zone for the touchdown, and then he hurdles a cameraman afterwards. Do you onside kick here? They do not. Hmmm. DeSean beats Mills again, and that might be it. Pitchy pitchy woo woo fails as always. Just a bad loss all around. (Buccaneers 27, Eagles 21)

Someone hit Cam and actually got flagged for it? It's a new age. (Falcons 31, Panthers 24)




WOW! Taylor put just enough on that ball and put it in just the right place for Callaway. That looked like a sure overthrow.


So. Browns. And we're in the Superdome, so you can guess how it went from here. (Saints 21, Browns 18)




Oh, no, bad Mason Crosby. Packers going to overtime because of some BS. Cook with a big run. Replay of the hit in question. Yeah, I get the rule, but that wasn't what happened there. New Vikings rookie kicker Daniel Carlson from 49. Not even CLOSE. Packers forced to punt. Thielen! Vikings grinding clock. Carlson on again. ARE YOU SERIOUS.








That's a terrible loss for the Packers. Also a Scorigami but you probably figured that. (Vikings 29, Packers 29, OT)

Wait, Donte Moncrief's on the Jaguars now? He just caught a touchdown pass. KEENAN COLE THOUGH. That's the OBJ catch but over the opposite shoulder. Corey Grant making people miss. Touchdown Cole! Eric Rowe beaten both times. 14-0. Keep putting the pressure on. Everyone on the Patriots' sideline is angry. Slow going for the Pats' offense. Hey, there's rookie Sony Michel. That's helmet-to-helmet, yeah. Field goal is good. Bortles again. Touchdown Jags! 21-3 at halftime.




Bortles to Cole for 14. Nantz points out that this is happening despite no Fournette and losing their left tackle early in the game. Cole remains uncovered. BORTLES SCRAMBLE. That elusiveness. First and goal! Somehow Bortles is third-all time in yards per rush by a quarterback, behind Vick and Bobby Douglass. There'll be no touchdown on this drive.




Gronk's been silenced. 2 catches, 8 yards? Brady overthrows Philip Dorsett, who's bad. Rookie D.J. Chark gets the ball knocked out and the Pats recover. Uh-oh.




Michel bulls through the line. Brady to Hogan for the touchdown. Jaguars can't answer. James White with a big run. Cordarrelle Patterson's on the Patriots? He just fell down after catching a pass on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good.




Bortles throws an interception off Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who's had more than his share of bad luck against the Patriots. Pats ball at the Jacksonville 25. FUMBLE. Jaguars ball! Dante Fowler does his best Brandon Graham impression. Bortles collides with Stephon Gilmore and is stopped short on 3rd and 5. Go for it, Jaguars. FALSE START. Christ. Now they gotta punt. Jags challenging the spot. This seems close... could this actually work? Overturned and short. Fourth down and the Patriots punt.




Jags jumped offsides but nobody saw it. Dede Westbrook? DEDE WESTBROOK! TOUCHDOWN! Hey, Philip Dorsett actually caught a pass. Patterson again. Touchdown to Hogan. Patriots kick it off short. Niles Paul? Really? I don't know if the Pats' defense is still that bad but Bortles has been legitimately great. The Patriots aren't gonna get the ball back, are they? NOPE. Lessons learned. Feels like the Patriots have had an early-season flop the lat few years. This lessens the pain. (Jaguars 31, Patriots 20)

In his last three games, Matt Patricia-coached defenses have given up 119 points to Nick Foles, Sam Darnold, and Jimmy Garoppolo. (49ers 30, Lions 27)

Get out of bounds, kid! That was dicey. McManus in. Kickers haven't had the best day today. It's GOOD! (Broncos 20, Raiders 19)

TAVON AUSTIN. Glad somebody finally got something out of him after five years.




I mean, yeah. That's why you make that mistake. Big run by Elliott. Austin again.




Now Dak with a run and the Cowboys have found some meat on that left side. Drive stalls, but the field goal is good this week. My answer to last week question of "Do the Giants even have four good linebackers" is probably "no" on first glance. TACO. That was an... interesting way to field that punt. What are the Giants doing? At least they went for it that time. Dak finds Terrence Williams. That didn't last long. The Giants still can't protect Eli. Another punt. Cowboys have controlled this game but they haven't done much since the first two drives. Meanwhile, the Giants can't do anything at all.




And the Giants start the second half by letting Eli get sacked and fumble. Poor tackling by the Giants leads to a first down. No idea what Dak was trying to do there. That ball's never landing inbounds. Cowboys settle for three. Eli throws over a double-covered Beckham and it still almost gets picked. He then finds Cody Latimer (?) for a big gain into Cowboys territory.




Someone's down for the Giants. Is that a leg brace or an air cast? Whatever it is, it looks bad. Cart's out. Eli overthrows Sterling Shepard. Eli tries to run and gets wrecked by Jaylon Smith. Kicker is out. Field goal is good. Beckham out to return this punt. Eli sacked again. That's, what, six? Prescott picks up a first down on a fourth-down sneak. Elliott gets to the second level. Cowboys in the red zone. Elliott appears to get stuffed on 3rd and 2, then cuts left to get the first down, then scores. We're done here. Can we get a Sean Lee update? Oh, their top draft pick is in. Eli finds an uncovered Engram for a touchdown that likely won't amount to much. Giants recover the onside kick? OK then. Beckham was going to get creamed either way on that ball into the end zone. Giants should have kicked the field goal by now. They're botching this the same way the Ravens did on Thursday night.




They do with 14 seconds left, and now Sean Lee's back out with the hands team for some reason. This was a fast game. It's not even 11:30. Kudos to all involved for that, at least. (Cowboys 20, Giants 13)

Russ almost fumbles that away but is ruled down. The Seahawks haven't scored on their opening drive in almost two seasons (31 games).




Trubisky SCRAMBLING. Breaking tackles, even. Trubisky sidearms a laser just past new Seahawk Mychal Kendricks to Jordan Howard, who takes off for 17 yards. Shovel pass to Burton for the touchdown.




Wilson not making optimal decisions, such as throwing to a double-covered tight end. TARIK COHEN PUNT RETURN. Not to the house, but he does get to the 40. That looks like a first down, but I'm not sure. They measure and it's about a yard short. The Bears go for it and Howard picks it up. Trubisky makes a bad read on an option and the Seahawks snuff it. Wilson was lucky he wasn't sacked in the end zone there. Trubisky underthrows Robinson and it's picked by Shaquill Griffin (the older of the Griffin twins and has also been in the league longer). Seahawks still can't get the ball moving. Tipped and picked AGAIN By Shaquill! Looks like Kendricks tipped it. DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: RIGHT side. Um, block Khalil Mack, Seahawks. Um, BLOCK KHALIL MACK, SEAHAWKS. It's like 4th and 56 now. (26. Apples and oranges.)




Bad snap, bad punt. This game may end 7-0. Trubisky finds Cohen downfield after the play breaks down. Robinson stretches and converts 3rd and 5. Urlacher in the house! He's getting his Hall of Fame ring tonight. Direct snap to Burton? Are these the Chicago Bears? Field goal is good. Trevathan with a sack and that's five this half. Wilson saves this drive with a scramble. Are they bringing on Seabass here? Yep. They look like basketball shorts on him. Janikowski from 56. Easy as pie. 10-3 Bears at the half. Kendricks with a sack for the Seahawks.




DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: LEFT side. Carroll calls time out to figure out this third down call. Pressure breaks down the Seattle offensive line (again) (shocker) and a swing pass to Mike Davis comes up short. Is Eddie Lacy still in the league? Seahawks punt. Bears aren't doing a great job of getting Taylor Gabriel in space — his speed is nullified when he's in traffic like that. Like that. That's better. They're doing a lot of this on this drive. Trubisky rolls left and hits Anthony Miller for the touchdown. Wilson somehow finds Tyler Lockett on 3rd and 14. Was he down? Yeah, his knee's down. No fumble. The Seahawks' offensive line also cannot block anyone. Amukamara gets hit with illegal contact. Did Lockett CATCH that? Touchdown! A dropkick kickoff? Really? I mean, it worked. WOW. Amukamara just picked the Seahawks' pocket. 24-10 Bears and that might be the ball game. Seahawks pick up a first down and now need to speed up. Fumble! Bears ball! THAT'S game.




I don't think Wilson ever saw Trevathan. So what's the issue on this punt? Bears touched it first so it's just a touchback, right? Nope, Seahawks ball at the 1. ESPN replaced Gerry Austin with JEFF TRIPLETTE? That's actually a downgrade. Seahawks running out of time. Touchdown with 14 seconds left. Dropkick ONSIDE kick. Yeah, that ain't happening. (Bears 24, Seahawks 17)


Saturday, September 27, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Stuck In a Craw

Devin Hester is still good at his job. The Buccaneers' new white uniforms are somewhat less offensive to my sensibilities than the black ones. Wait 'til you see those monstrosities.


Why is Steven Jackson still viable? He's like 206. Oh, Gerald McCoy's out? That explains all of this blood. Why is Kroy Biermann running downfield with a running back? The Bucs' punter just saved a touchdown. SO, wait, there were two flags? Whatever. Should've done that the first time. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO. Man, Jackson's speed is gone. How did he get around the corner? I guess we're not covering Julio Jones tonight. The kick returner just got steamrolled. That's not a fumble? Whatever. That was too easy. The Josh McCown Experiment has been an utter failure so far. Wait, I missed another touchdown? Oh, Hester struck? All right.
Another fantastic catch by Jones in traffic. At least they covered him this time. This fumble scrum is turning into a fight. Buccaneers ball! That went well. Hester AGAIN.


McCown's hurt? I wouldn't bother at this point.


Yeah, here's Glennon. Mike Evans just ran 10 yards backwards after that catch. The sad thing about this field goal is Bryant's not even showing off here. He just missed it wide.


Glennon needs to run faster if he's going to do that. Jones is out here murdering fools. And now a bad snap leads to Falcons ball at the 1. Jackson fought like a madman to get that touchdown.


T.J. Yates lives! WELP. The Bucs have straight given up. Seriously, why are they already replacing the Georgia Dome? At least they're not punting here. They scored! Whoa, Yates just threw a pick-six, and because of that, despite everything else, the Tampa Bay defense probably still got you positive fantasy points tonight. raises hand He does that six more times and we've got a game. How are there still six minutes left? (Falcons 56, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI; DEN @ SEA

It's oddly misty out there. Joe Buck shouting out Tone Loc is frightening. There's DeSean with a catch and he gets booed. SERIOUSLY?!?!? DeSean clearly shoves Nate Allen first and Allen gets flagged? That's some bullshit right there. The makeup call wasn't much better, either. So we're looking for a hands to the face? Oh, the guy's helmet came off. Try covering Young near the goal line next time. Well I guess Chris Polk's healthy. Three other guys followed him into the tunnel.


FOX has this thing now on their ticker where they have a yellow line next to the arrow for possession and it doesn't look that good. The Eagles' defense is offering zero resistance. Fletcher's been getting lit up like Williams usually does. I hate the squib kick. FINALLY the Eagles go on offense. So Sproles loses his footing, fumbles, and there's a holding penalty on top of it. Perfection. And Cousins still hasn't missed. But I repeat myself. OH MY GOD A STOP ON THIRD DOWN.




Oh, Kelce. You didn't need to do anything there. But like Aikman said, dude was stride for stride with Maclin, for God's sake. Nice job, Cooper. Washington will challenge this for no reason. Ertz! Just as Buck starts talking up the Redskins defense Matthews catches them napping. Good job showing up, rook. How did Garcon catch that? And why did Cousins throw it there when he knows the double coverage is coming? Fletcher's having a terrible game. It's the Jordan Matthews Show all of a sudden. Foles should have eaten that. Matthews again! Did he get his feet down? Sick throw into traffic by Foles, too. Now Kelce's hurt? Oh boy. Italian Market B-roll? That's different. That pass interference may have saved a touchdown, actually — Matthews catches that otherwise and he maybe wins that race. I'd have run it on 3rd and 3 but that's me. A three-and-out! Now Erin's saying that they're looking at Jason Peters on the sideline also. Two minutes later they throw the flag for a face mask on Sproles. And they called it a horse collar? Is this a Pac-12 crew? Now Foles is dinged?



Sproles just does things, man. We got a roughing call? Aikman sounds like he doesn't really like it. McCoy is really struggling this season so far. So Chip's challenging the run after the catch. Forcing a third down! Sweet! I think. Cousins has missed a few throws in the second half. Sproles just got tripped up or that had potential. Aaand that's what we were all afraid of. Also Cousins had three days to throw that pass. Williams is mad at somebody on the sideline. He should be mad at himself for missing the tackle.


Here's the thing, and anyone who roots for a team can relate to this: You have your favorite teams that you like, maybe even love. You root for them all the time, through good and bad, thick and thin. But you have favorite players; guys you like more than other guys. And then there's that one guy that every team has (and yes, every team has this player) that, for some reason, you just don't like that much. The guy who's just hard to root for. The reason rarely matters but always varies -- maybe he's just not good, maybe bad things happen whenever he's prominently involved, maybe he's very good but does maddening things every so often, maybe his personality just drives you nuts, maybe you think he should be better than he is. For me, and for the Eagles, DeSean was that guy. When he got cut, I thought, "They're going to miss him on the field. This doesn't make any sense. But at least we don't have to put up with all of his other crap any more." Of course, then he signed with Washington (and don't underestimate that part of this particular equation) and we learned we would have to put up with all of his other crap. That's why he's getting booed so gleefully even though we'll never know what he did wrong... because cheering him was just too much work.

Back in the immediate moment, the other problem is the Eagles' offensive line is just running out of guys and Foles is taking hits. "Tress Way"? That's a name? That's something a human being is called? The Eagles' secondary has been bad today but, again, they've gotten absolutely no pass rush on Cousins. CLANG! Off the upright and NO GOOD. Oh boy... Foles is down again, he threw an interception, and now there's a brawl on the field. Well, that's not an interception. Foles got plastered after the fact and that's what started the fisticuffs.



Wait, how did Trent Williams get thrown out, too? Baker got tossed, and rightfully so. So did they mean to throw out Peters? Because that would make... somewhat more sense. OK, so Peters is out.



NEW AUDIENCE. Y'all just missed some foolishness, by the way. This feels like we're headed for overtime. The Eagles should win this challenge — Maclin's knee was down. Yep. They get a free spin, too! MACLIN!! Was that Meriweather he beat? Foles is having the kind of game that'll get these fans behind him. Jenkins with the interception! Now seems like a good time to point out that Andy would have completely abandoned the run three quarters ago. Feels like that's the first time we've seen Helu all day. That didn't take long.



Onside kick? I say no. Three-and-out was the last thing the Eagles needed. That holding penalty wiped out a good punt and forced a bad one on the rekick. A turnover would be helpful. Seriously, why doesn't Boykin start? Cousins missed Garcon and the Eagles will somehow hold. Now to run clock. They need a first down. James Casey lives! That's the end of that. (Eagles 37, Redskins 34)




REMATCH. Well, at least the Broncos got their first play off this time.




Did the Seahawks steal that pass to the quarterback play from the Bengals earlier? And Wilson took a shot. That's not a touchdown from Lynch. The Broncos are already off to a better start than the last time this happened. It helps the Broncos that they've gotten some guys back since then and added some new ones. That third-down stat for the Seahawks defense is amazing(-ly bad). Good throw by Wilson on the touchdown to Lockette. And another Broncos turnover as Demaryius Thomas loses the fumble. Unless he didn't catch it in the first place. This is why I need to be commissioner, I'd simplify SO MUCH of this stuff. That was odd... Baldwin caught the ball, made the one guy miss, then everyone else just stopped and he gained about seven more yards. Touchdown Lynch and this is starting to feel familiar. The Broncos can't get down the field. I mean, they're trying this time at least. They just can't do it. Hauschka missed that? Weird. This game seems like it's going by fast. How did Wilson not lose that fumble? Did he lose it? SAFETY and that looked doomed from the get-go. Tip interception by the Broncos. Peyton finds Julius Thomas and we've got a game, maybe. Intercepted by Chancellor! That might be it. Hauschka's not even going to get to kick this, is he? Oh, it's 4th down. Never mind. Let's see if this works. Someone got their wires crossed when those two Seahawks collided. I don't wanna get hit by Kam Chancellor. This all looks like the same play. Touchdown! That dude's still got it. Going for two here. Thomas! They're taking an awful long time to look at this. I mean, even I figured it out after the second or third watch. Count it and we're tied!




The Seahawks will sit on this. "Good afternoon." It's STILL afternoon, dude. Tarvaris Jackson's in on the coin toss? Seahawks not all that interested in throwing the ball downfield, but why should they be? It's death by a thousand cuts right now.




Wilson's been their best runner on this drive. And Lynch ends it. That's not ideal, but it's still better than college overtime. (Seahawks 26, Broncos 20, OT)

Fernando Velasco? Wasn't he in the Indians' bullpen four years ago? Flags everywhere! Good catch by Brown. "You're not even close." Roethlisberger can get this himself and he does. Touchdown! That's a perfectly placed throw. Wait, they called it incomplete? The Steelers have to challenge this, right? I'm not sure I agree with letting this go. This game's about as interesting as the Ravens-Steelers game was, which is to say not in the least. More fisticuffs? Man, there are a ton of Steelers fans in the house tonight. They're everywhere.




That's a fumble and there was a huge pop when the Steelers recovered it. Did anyone even hit Cam? And the Steelers still won't get a touchdown out of it. Wait, someone jumped offsides on the field goal attempt? Wait, Roethlisberger hasn't thrown the ball yet? Touchdown! Oh man, they've got Ike Taylor's arm in something. Cam missed two guys on that 3rd down pass.




Damn, Kuechly got busted up on that Bell jaunt. They're gonna call offensive pass interference here? Another touchdown for Brown. Greg Olsen just outran a cornerback. NBC DJ breaking out Janet's "Black Cat." PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Steelers are literally running this defense ragged. Blount finishes it off after his big sprint and that's the end of that, as shown by Derek Anderson's entry. Nice coverage. Stop showing off, Blount. Yes, you've got hops at 245 pounds. We get it. (Steelers 37, Panthers 19)


"The Sons Of Anarchy."  Oh, Jon. They've been using that in New York for two years. Well that's an inauspicious beginning. Just a terrible throw.




See, the one to Ivory on the second drive, that's better. You just need a little patience, Geno. What was that weirdness with Vick? Hey, Santonio Holmes! Nice to see him back in the league after two years. Well that punt was a comedy of errors. First it almost gets blocked, then the Jets muff it and the Bears get it back. Not sure that was defensive PI. Cutler ends up finding Bennett and it's 14-0. Wait, what first down? They scored!




Decker took a shot on that catch over the middle. His hamstring looks OK. That drive started well but sputtered out. Now the Bears receivers are just running through the Jets defense. Bennett dropped that touchdown three times but DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Jets football, ladies and gentlemen! Still, they kept the Bears out of the end zone so good on them. Nice pass to the rookie Jace Amaro. Another field goal? Well, it's something. Marshall's hurt? Well, that ankle wasn't going to hold up forever.
Gotta secure the football. Gruden's desperately trying not to say "Who the hell is calling these plays?"




Kerley's a good guy to have around as long as you don't push him beyond his limits. I'm not sure if those are his limits, but well done.




I had no idea the Jets forced the fewest turnovers last season. Nice shout out to the replay officials. The Jets utterly wasted that opportunity. The only thing worse would have been them giving the ball back. Antonio Allen just stopped Matt Forte's longest run in two weeks. Bennett again? Jebus. The Jets got real lucky that Fuller's leg was still on the sideline there. Geno probably could have run for that but Amaro just dropped it. Seriously, Geno?




Then Allen misses a chance to get it back when Cutler got hit and threw up a duck. Who is calling these plays? A shotgun quarterback draw into the blitz? Are you nuts? They're lucky that wasn't a fumble. The Jets have Quinton Coples guarding Brandon Marshall on the outside? Are they shaving points? How many have they left on the field tonight?




Another field goal for the Bears and that might do it. This is an important spot. The Bears are challenging this and they might win it. Call stands. Why are the Jets running the ball? Greg Salas? Really? The Bears are out of safeties like the Eagles are out of offensive linemen. And that's four straight incompletions. Good job, everyone involved! This game sucked. Bucs-Falcons was somehow better than this. (Bears 27, Jets 19)

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Tripping Fantastic Lights


Told you. 0-6. I can't find four wins on that remaining schedule. crosses off Giants (Bears 27, Giants 21)

Signal Finder: PHI @ TB, GB @ BAL (end), TEN @ SEA, NO @ NE

Wow. Stay classy, Texans fans. (Rams 38, Texans 13)


That was a mistake. SCREEN PASS. McCoy was unlucky to get tripped up. FOLES QUARTERBACK DRAW. That was entirely too easy. Who says Foles can't run?  Wait, what happened? Yeah, that's gonna hold up. Disappointing. Wait, they're looking at something else?


So fumble, but no points. That's... less bad because the Bucs' so-called offense has to go back onto the field. (They're also missing their No. 2 receiver.) Now it's resistible force vs. movable object. Where's the punt coverage? Why are the Bucs going tackle-eligible here? Well that's discouraging. Right over the middle, too, of course, because the Eagles' secondary is terrible.



Can we get somebody else returning kickoffs? Anyone? I'll do it. (No, I won't.) So many screens and they're working. Why is Jeff Maehl happening? Well, DeSean won that one. Cary Williams is mad about something. Probably a penalty he committed but insists he didn't. Oh, it wasn't on him? I'm genuinely shocked. The heck? Mike Glennon is Michael Vick? That shouldn't happen. The defensive line got gashed on that Martin run. Nobody's beating 6-5 Vincent Jackson to that ball. This sequence to end the half was... weird. Whoa, a pick! I feel like Bradley Fletcher's the best guy in the Eagles' secondary because he never gets mentioned during games. How do you let Riley Cooper run past you? Oh, that's how. Regardless!


He'll fight every doctor in here. Also, I thought this Bucs defense was supposed to be borderline great. They've looked pretty average today, as evidenced by a defensive back allowing RILEY COOPER TO RUN RIGHT PAST HIM. That's a clutch punt. I'm not sure how much you can really learn about Glennon's potential from this game — the Eagles have no pass rush and no back-end coverage. The Bucs have had penalties wipe out more than a couple of big plays — furthering my theory that they'll blow it at the end if it's close. I should mention now that the Eagles have made this Tim Wright character look like Kellen Winslow in his prime. This drive started at Tampa's 1-YARD LINE. Unlucky for Wright to not catch that — he's caught everything else. Somehow that field goal is a moral defeat for both sides. Look at Cooper outrunning more people again. DeSean!!


Now let's get a stop. Hey, a sack. Whoever's coaching the Buccaneers next year should lobby the front office to trade for Foles. Now what? Are they trying to draw the Bucs off? This might work, as undisciplined as they are. It worked! Also, voting for Sign of the Year is officially closed:



There's no strength of schedule in the pros. (Eagles 31, Buccaneers 20)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Bengals 27, Bills 24, OT

See, this is strange. Normally we don't get the late CBS game if the Eagles are playing early on the road. Ryan Fitzpatrick showing why he's the backup again. That's twice now that the Seahawks have gotten zero help from the goal line on punt coverage. Speaking of things that repeat themselves, Fitzpatrick's gotten lucky twice on this drive to not get intercepted. Oh man... and it was the same guy both times. The punter dropped the ball? What? The Seahawks should get at least three out of this now. Apparently the Seahawks' kicker got hurt making a tackle on the kickoff after the touchdown and the punter's warming up now. Bad hold. WHAT?! TOUCHDOWN? Oh my goodness. Dierdorf's explaining that Ryan (kicking because of the kicker's injury) is normally the holder and somebody wearing No. 42 is now holding. This is actually a good argument for using the backup quarterback as the holder so this situation can never present itself. (Though Jay Novacek, a tight end, held for the Cowboys for years, for some reason.) I can't tell if he's down or not.



I can't overturn this, and the refs can't either. Is Sidney Rice still on this team? Oh, there he is, apparently fumbling. The following things went wrong there: All of them. And the Seahawks almost fumble away another one. What's going on up there? Feels like Wilson never passes when he's under center. Is this wise? Does Hauschka have all of his faculties? Well, he made it so I guess he's OK. HOLY CRAP. You should NEVER throw that pass but Lynch was all by himself. There's another fumble! FALL ON IT OH MY GOD. Dude on the Titans tried to scoop it and flipped it right back to Wilson. This game has been insane (-ly sloppy). Fitzpatrick throws another interception. Who thought Titans fans would miss Jake Locker? (who was actually having a good year before he got hurt.) Nice work, Sidney. And there's a score from Lynch. More craziness on this fumble/incomplete pass. Kudos to Kendall Wright for not taking any chances there, and also to Carroll for challenging it. And Carroll gets it reversed. A field goal? Really? You're on the road, down 10 and it's your first time in the red zone? (Seahawks 20, Titans 13)

What the hell, Edelman? Way to telegraph it, first of all, and then to throw it while you're being surrounded? Belichick's losing it.


Also someone tell him this isn't the old Saints defense. Think Brady saw that pass to Watson and sighed wistfully? Touchdown. Ridley's playing? Doesn't he have bad ribs or something? Why yes, he is on my fantasy team's bench. Why do you ask? The rusher on the Lofton sack of Brady wasn't the guy who got him. That drop by Amendola was on a low throw on the run. Meanwhile, the Patriots are covering Jimmy Graham with a cornerback (Aqib Talib) and it's working. Which begs the question: what's Colston's excuse? He's been shut out. That said, you can't keep going three and out against the Saints. Let's just say it: Brady hasn't been all that impressive this year so far. Hey there's Colston finally. Was that a helmet hit on Amendola? Sure looked like it.
Can we take a minute to look at who has scored touchdowns for the Saints in this game? The first guy's name is Travaris Cadet, which has to be made up. Brees make about eight mini-pump fakes before that pick. Oh, he signaled for a time out? And Graham's limping? None of that made any sense.The Patriots will regret not getting a touchdown there. See? And now they're going to tack on three more. Bad, BAD throw by Brady on that deep ball and that might do it. Why would you ever roll out Brees? I mean EVER? Austin Collie's still alive? Saw just before that that Brady just passed Vinny Testaverde for eighth all-time in passing yards, which is also Belichick's fault. Are you kidding me with that throw? Unbelievable.



THERE'S the Rob Ryan defense we know and love. Tom Brady is a wizard. And I say that at least partially because he dresses like one after games. (Patriots 30, Saints 27)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: In my own head, I predicted a pick-six... just not for the Jaguars. I mean, they're within two and we've had our first MJD sighting of the year. Well fought, grand Floridians. (Broncos 35, Jaguars 19).


Nice leisurely jog down the field by the Cowboys to open up. Hey, nice run by Griffin. Let's point out that the Cowboys' defense isn't good either. I mean, Orlando Scandrick is starting. That's really all you need to know.Tip drill interception! Griffin seems to have his running legs somewhat back. Did the Cowboys really give somebody No. 21? And where is Murray, anyway? Hurt again, I'd assume. Why is Collinsworth using "DeAngelo Hall" and "good cornerback" in the same thought? Bad throw by Romo and he's lucky it apparently hit the ground. Ware's walking to the locker room? That's awful for the Cowboys. This punt return, however, is not. THAT'S A PENALTY? I don't know what's more unbelievable; that that is in the rulebook as being against the rules or that it was actually called.


Shanahan's 2-minute offense looks like Mike Holmgren's. They got a drummer up on the platform with the dancing girls? Best nightclub EVER. Dwayne Harris is good at kick returns. Wow, Terrence Williams has actually looked NFL caliber these past two weeks. Except he's out of bounds. Wait, that stood up? Griffin ran around for about a minute before that fumble and the Redskins were lucky they got it back. And as well as he's moved around tonight, he's missed badly on more than a few passes. You know who's been awful this year is Morris Claiborne. Free play! Touchdown! Good timing after Al and Cris talking about how the Redskins haven't run the ball well tonight. Nice kick. #sarcasm The Cowboys are gonna have to go back to a 3-4 if they keep losing defensive linemen like this. Fumble? You laugh at Al's Randy White reference; that dude's three phone calls away. This is like an eighth-effort push and I think he finally got in. Yep. Got a nice push from the center. The Redskins should probably consider throwing down the field. I meant TO RECEIVERS. Oh, Moss fell down. Never mind then. Still, that's probably the end of that. (Cowboys 31, Redskins 16)


NO BANNERS FOR YARDAGE. CHICANERY! A touchdown after that would have been preferable. Te'o! Ryan Mathews' other problem is he can't stay on the field. Dude's as fragile as DeMarco Murray and probably getting paid three times as much. Nice throw, Rivers. Seriously.



Richardson fought his way out of that tackle pretty well. Woodhead! I think Brady misses him, too. Forgive my transgressions; there's playoff baseball on. Luck ran the two-minute drill and got them into field goal range? This is why the Chargers are 2-3. Danny Woodhead is much faster than Pat Angerer. When did King Dunlap stop sucking? I'm pretty sure that aside from Keenan Allen's touchdown, Woodhead has the longest pass play of the night. Nope, there's one to somebody named Green for 25. Another field goal? I mean there's time but still.

Lot of drops tonight, it seems. Gotta go for this, right? Gruden: "You gotta punt it." What? Eh. Here's the thing: "What's wrong with Rivers?" the last three years has been Norv Turner and a front office that couldn't draft and/or keep good players. Did Mathews just run out of bounds? Did Gates make this? It's going to be real close. So because the play started before the two-minute warning, the Chargers are challenging this spot. Aaaand it's short. They should just go for this. I mean, I'm not sure Nick Novak's a guy I'd bank on hitting from 50 here. Whoa! Dude came unblocked and Novak was lucky to get it off. That's probably it. And that's definitely it. (Chargers 19, Colts 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4: 
1. Denver (6-0) - Either learned or taught a lesson in respect
2. Kansas City (6-0) - Yes, they've already blown past last year's win total
3. Seattle (5-1) - Pacific Northwest strangeness
4. New Orleans (5-1) - Blew that one

BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) - Falling off the cliff fast
30. Tampa Bay (0-5) - This organization needs to be quarantined
31. N.Y. Giants (0-6) - Hard to win games when nobody's playing well
32. Jacksonville (0-6) - No moral victories


Tuesday, September 30, 2008

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: A Real Cool Hand

Signal Finder: CLE @ CIN; GB @ TB; FLA @ NYM; DEN @ KC (end); WSH @ DAL

I don't have kids - and maybe that's the reason for what I'm about to say - and I can't imagine how Matt Bryant's doing this. This game's had a ridiculous number of swings. Wait, Flynn's in? I thought Brohm was the main backup. Not that it matters since none of the Packers' QBs have played more than eight games, but Flynn popping up there was not something anyone expected. (Buccaneers 30, Packers 21)

Um, when people thought they might see a quarterback change in this game, I doubt they were figuring it'd be the Bengals. Man. This game is terrible. I mean, it's really bad. OMG Chad scored a touchdown! He should have about four against this bunch. They've gotta be freezing him out. It's the only explanation. (Browns 20, Bengals 12)

I guarantee this wouldn't have happened if Elway wasn't marrying an ex-Raiders cheerleader. There should be a hole in space-time because of that, right? (Chiefs 33, Broncos 19)

I don't understand how Schoeneweis was allowed to park at the stadium, much less pitch in the eighth inning, especially to a guy who comes off the Marlins' bench seemingly for the sole purpose of hitting home runs. I don't know what the Shea Stadium equivalent of slicing rolls at Tony Luke's (which is what I'm convinced the Phillies had Adam Eaton doing last September) is, but he should have been doing that. (Marlins 4, Mets 2)

PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'M SERIOUS. This is how it's ended everywhere else for Warner. Meanwhile, Favre can't be stopped, and the Cardinals just got pwned on that play fake that the Jets went to Coles on. GUNSLINGER. Thirty-four points in one quarter? Are you kidding me?! This Cardinals rally is nice but it'd help if they, y'know, had more time. Also getting a stop might be a good thing to try, too. cringes Boldin might be lucky to be alive after that. The 34 is more impressive than the 56. Discuss. (Jets 56, Cardinals 35)

"Sorry, Lane. I'm just doing my job. You gotta appreciate that." "Nah - calling it your job don't make it right, Boss." (Chargers 28, Raiders 18)

I like that Aikman and I are of the same mind about the squib kick. Newman is getting used and abused here. Can you even fair-catch a kickoff? And why would you? And now we're back to the end of last year with the Cowboys where they inexplicably couldn't run the ball at all. Uh-oh. Here come the Redskins. "I was rooting for you all along, Butch." "Well, thank you, Flatnose. That's what sustained me in my time of trouble." (Redskins 26, Cowboys 24)

I don't know... I thought Olsen had it and it wasn't even all that close. Anyone think the touchdown play was designed so that DeSeasn would end up in the back of the end zone? I gotta say, Orton's been making good throws. I still maintain he can be successful in this league and should've been starting all along. I'm beginning to worry about Akers. The last three games the Eagles have given up a score in the last two minutes of the first half and I feel like that's why some other things have been happening. This is the bad night for DeSean that we all figured was going to happen at some point. He hasn't been the same since that muffed punt. What's with all these red-zone flameouts tonight? Is it last year again? I agree with going for it there. The play call... that I'm not sold on. On the other side, the Bears finally hold late in the game, which can only help their psyche. This is the second year in a row this result should've gone the other way. (Bears 24, Eagles 20)

Well, that'll surely blunt some of the blood hatred that this matchup always envokes. You forget sometimes what a violent game this is, and then you see that and Boldin the day before and you also start to realize that this has been happening a lot lately. Man, Ben's having flashbacks. Who is Carey Davis? Flacco's doing a few things. Wow. The Steelers have looked awful. Are those boos? One of the great things about sports is how situations can change lightning-fast. Flacco never realized the rush was coming - that's the first mistake he's made. McLain just bulldozed that poor guy, whoever that was. This was one heck of an escape job. (Steelers 23, Ravens 20, OT)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL (1-3, W1): Finally! Of course, I had to sweat out MNF and the worst team Sven's ever had, but another big game from Larry Johnson and a Herculean effort from Delhomme gets the Seagulls their first win. Ocho Cinco's still going to the bench, though. Sidenote: The guy who had Favre didn't start him.

JackSux VI (3-1, W1): The opposite story here, as I handed Charlie his first loss of the season behnd Coles' massive game and another big passing day from Drew Brees.

RANKINGS

1. N.Y. Giants (3-0) - Plaxico situation bears watching
2. Dallas (3-1) - Is the T.O. bomb about to go off?
3. Buffalo (4-0) - Why the heck not?

30. Oakland (1-3) - At this point, I feel like it's just the fact that Lane Kiffin's not old enough to know better... and I kind of admire that
31. Cincinnati (0-4) - Yep, the bad old days are back
32. St. Louis (0-4) - So they fire the head coach one week after he benches the starting quarterback... and elevate the guy who's running the defense that's given up 147 points