Showing posts with label NFL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NFL. Show all posts

Friday, September 21, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Down To The Ground

Wait, the main FOX crew's doing the NFL Network games too? Jeez. Talk about slumming it. Man, the Ravens completely overhauled their wide receivers. All three guys are new. Green can't handle that one. Both teams exchange punts, with the Ravens fumbling their return but getting it back. Flacco IMMEDIATELY gets intercepted. Pass into the end zone gets deflected and... intercepted? Incomplete. Referees discuss it and change it to an interception by Weddle. Now they can review it and this is getting overturned — Weddle's left foot was out of bounds. It's overturned. The Ravens' C.J. Mosley being carted off. Ravens get called for DPI in the end zone. Dalton rolls out and finds Green for the touchdown. Lamar Jackson in at receiver, and Flacco goes to Crabtree for a first down. Is this intentional grounding? Refs say Flacco's forward progress was stopped before his throw, so it's a sack. Buck seems skeptical of that reasoning.







Dalton finds Green in traffic,and Green gets out of traffic and scores after breaking a tackle. 14-0 Bengals. Bengals driving AGAIN. Penalty on 3rd and 13 keeps the drive going. Green AGAIN!! And it's not like the Ravens aren't covering him. He's just been that good.





The Bengals have scored 45 straight points going back to Sunday. Jackson back in, this time at quarterback, but Sam Hubbard just blew up whatever the Ravens may have been planning there. John Brown makes a big catch in traffic (he's not as large as Green) for a 45-yard gain. Pass interference in the end zone gives the Ravens the ball at the 1. Buck Allen scores. Apparently Collinsworth trolled Aikman by telling him he'd be relaxing at home watching this game tonight. Dalton finds Tyler Boyd down the sideline for 21. Boyd again on third down. And this time it's Boyd for the touchdown. Ravens in four-down territory at the 2-minute warning. THE FIRST ONE. Ravens hold and the Bengals have to punt. Flacco airmails it for Brown, but Dre Kirkpatrick bumps him slightly (Incidental contact; no reason to throw a flag) and drops an interception. Then he gets flagged for pass interference and it's Ravens ball at the 1. Alex Collins gets stuffed on first down. This time Crabtree pushes off Kirkpatrick, but the Bengals called time out, so the play doesn't count. FINALLY Flacco finds rookie TE Mark Andrews for a touchdown.




Justin Tucker from 55 and the touchdown run is snapped. 28-17 Bengals. Another interception from Flacco. Things have slowed down considerably. Ravens pick up 3rd and 1 on a Flacco sneak. Touchdown John Brown! Bengals want a penalty but won't get it. Two-point conversion fails but it's still a five-point game with 9:35 left. Actually, Collinsworth is here, as the Bengals honored the 1988 Super Bowl team. Mixon back for the Bengals. First down after a penalty after an incompletion on 3rd and 2. Bengals can't make 3rd and 15, but they're at the Ravens' 11 for what should be an easy field goal. It's good, and it's 31-23. Flacco rolls out... that is a fumble. Bengals take over. Field goal makes it 34-23. 48 seconds left — the Ravens should spike it and kick the field goal right now. They spike it, but they keep running plays. Harbaugh has botched this and they won't get the ball back.  Hey, this score looks familiar. (Bengals 34, Ravens 23)

Signal Finder: KC @ PIT, PHI @ TB, MIN @ GB (end), NE @ JAX, OAK @ DEN (end)

The Chiefs force a three-and-out, so the Steelers punt it short of Tyreek Hill. But DeAnthony Thomas IS there, and he returns it for 31 yards, and then 12 more after he bobbled the ball. Travis Kelce dinged for OPI. Mahomes with a bullet to Chris Conley for the touchdown. Hey, it's Sammy Watkins. Hey, there he is again. Touchdown Kelce! Steelers driving finally. Third down pass is too high and Boswell MISSES from 49. Now an end around to Watkins, who's given them some big plays already. Mahomes to Hill for a touchdown!




21-0 and they're booing softly in Pittsburgh. Sack/fumble/Chiefs touchdown is negated by defensive holding on Orlando Scandrick, who, remarkably, is still in the league. Ben finds Juju. Steelers clicking again. Ben throws up a lob and Road Dogg catches it for a touchdown. Steelers driving again. Screen to Juju to the outside gives them first and goal. Too high for James. Juju in the corner for the touchdown. Missed extra point.




The Chiefs' offense has ground to a halt. That's kind of a ridiculous over-the-shoulder catch by James. Conner tries his best OBJ impression but lands out of bounds, but there was pass interference. Touchdown Steelers! Two-point conversion succeeds and we're tied. 21-21 at halftime. Second half starts similarly to the first — with a big play. This time it's Mahomes to Hill for 36. Mahomes to Kelce for the touchdown. Juju's just gonna run away from linebackers, guys. Is that an honest-to-goodness fullback? This is close. It's called a touchdown and I think it'll stand. Yep. Put it on the board for Conner. We're tied again. That hair is terrible. The Steelers cannot tackle Travis Kelce.




Touchdown Chiefs. Incomplete, they now say. Nah, that's a catch. Throw the flag, Andy. Call reversed. Touchdown. Mahomes just missed Watkins. The doctor gets flagged for illegal use of hands. Concerning. Hill! SIX. TOUCHDOWN. PASSES.




A safety breaks up the monotony. Chiefs fumble! Steelers have it! Big gain by James. Great pass breakup by new Chief Kendall Fuller, keeping Brown out of the end zone. Roethlisberger takes off and... SCORES? Yes! Extra point is good. Chiefs running clock successfully. Steelers force a punt on 4th and 6... and run into the punter. (Chiefs 42, Steelers 37)

It is HOT. SON OF A GOD DAMN BITCH.




I fucking hate him. I always have. Eagles follow up with a three-and-out on offense. That's a good punt. Ryan Fitzpatrick protects the football? What?? 43-yard punt return by Clement nullified by a penalty. Ajayi out with a back injury. Two straight first downs for the Eagles. Then two straight penalties, and three on the last four plays. 2nd and 40! That ended how you imagine it did. Now the Bucs face a 3rd and 21, and that also ended how you imagine it did. Foles scrambles for a first down. Foles loses the ball, and it's ruled a fumble and the Bucs recover. That's close, but I think it stands. Confirmed. Well then. The Eagles get it back two plays later off of a deflection! JPP with the sack. Punt lands right on the goal line. Mike Evans with a straight-up drop. The Bucs haven't done much offensively since that first play. Ertz with a first down catch. Pass interference on Chris Conte, who is bad. Josh Perkins gets a catch? Feels like the Eagles are throwing too much on this drive. Agholor gets spun around and comes up short on 3rd and 7, it looks like. Length of the football. Pederson's going for it. Foles sneak gets it. Ertz was open on that first-down breakdown. Touchdown Clement! O.J. Howard for a 75-yard touchdown!




He caught six passes in his entire career at Alabama, only in bowl games, and they were ALL like this. (I'm exaggerating. Sort of.) He got help from a great block by Chris Godwin on Jenkins. Extra point is MISSED. Bucs actually driving this time. Eagles forget to cover Godwin and he's wide open for a touchdown. 20-7. Foles finds Ertz down the sideline. Elliott CLANGS from 42. Nothing going right. Ajayi back out to start the second half. Ertz has to come back to his and he's short. Pederson going for it on 4th and 4 from the Tampa 49. Doesn't work. DeSean with a catch inside the 10. Cox walks off. Fitzpatrick finds Evans in the back of the end zone. I know FitzMagic has never been sustainable but is there a chance Jameis Winston doesn't get his job back in two weeks? This is his sixth start against the Eagles,and for his sixth team. He started the Eagles-Bengals tie? Wild.
Big pass play to Agholor. Conte's replacement stops Agholor on a reverse. Fourth and 1 from the Bucs' 5. Foles sneak again works. Touchdown Ajayi. Jenkins strips the ball from Evans and the Eagles have it. Clement takes a shot while laying out for that 4th down pass and he's slow to get up.




Agholor's gotta call for a fair catch there. Was that a catch? Eh, no matter, DPI gives the Eagles a first down. Eagles are going for it on 4th because they ran Ajayi on third. Crazy catch by Agholor in the back corner of the end zone for the touchdown, and then he hurdles a cameraman afterwards. Do you onside kick here? They do not. Hmmm. DeSean beats Mills again, and that might be it. Pitchy pitchy woo woo fails as always. Just a bad loss all around. (Buccaneers 27, Eagles 21)

Someone hit Cam and actually got flagged for it? It's a new age. (Falcons 31, Panthers 24)




WOW! Taylor put just enough on that ball and put it in just the right place for Callaway. That looked like a sure overthrow.


So. Browns. And we're in the Superdome, so you can guess how it went from here. (Saints 21, Browns 18)




Oh, no, bad Mason Crosby. Packers going to overtime because of some BS. Cook with a big run. Replay of the hit in question. Yeah, I get the rule, but that wasn't what happened there. New Vikings rookie kicker Daniel Carlson from 49. Not even CLOSE. Packers forced to punt. Thielen! Vikings grinding clock. Carlson on again. ARE YOU SERIOUS.








That's a terrible loss for the Packers. Also a Scorigami but you probably figured that. (Vikings 29, Packers 29, OT)

Wait, Donte Moncrief's on the Jaguars now? He just caught a touchdown pass. KEENAN COLE THOUGH. That's the OBJ catch but over the opposite shoulder. Corey Grant making people miss. Touchdown Cole! Eric Rowe beaten both times. 14-0. Keep putting the pressure on. Everyone on the Patriots' sideline is angry. Slow going for the Pats' offense. Hey, there's rookie Sony Michel. That's helmet-to-helmet, yeah. Field goal is good. Bortles again. Touchdown Jags! 21-3 at halftime.




Bortles to Cole for 14. Nantz points out that this is happening despite no Fournette and losing their left tackle early in the game. Cole remains uncovered. BORTLES SCRAMBLE. That elusiveness. First and goal! Somehow Bortles is third-all time in yards per rush by a quarterback, behind Vick and Bobby Douglass. There'll be no touchdown on this drive.




Gronk's been silenced. 2 catches, 8 yards? Brady overthrows Philip Dorsett, who's bad. Rookie D.J. Chark gets the ball knocked out and the Pats recover. Uh-oh.




Michel bulls through the line. Brady to Hogan for the touchdown. Jaguars can't answer. James White with a big run. Cordarrelle Patterson's on the Patriots? He just fell down after catching a pass on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good.




Bortles throws an interception off Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who's had more than his share of bad luck against the Patriots. Pats ball at the Jacksonville 25. FUMBLE. Jaguars ball! Dante Fowler does his best Brandon Graham impression. Bortles collides with Stephon Gilmore and is stopped short on 3rd and 5. Go for it, Jaguars. FALSE START. Christ. Now they gotta punt. Jags challenging the spot. This seems close... could this actually work? Overturned and short. Fourth down and the Patriots punt.




Jags jumped offsides but nobody saw it. Dede Westbrook? DEDE WESTBROOK! TOUCHDOWN! Hey, Philip Dorsett actually caught a pass. Patterson again. Touchdown to Hogan. Patriots kick it off short. Niles Paul? Really? I don't know if the Pats' defense is still that bad but Bortles has been legitimately great. The Patriots aren't gonna get the ball back, are they? NOPE. Lessons learned. Feels like the Patriots have had an early-season flop the lat few years. This lessens the pain. (Jaguars 31, Patriots 20)

In his last three games, Matt Patricia-coached defenses have given up 119 points to Nick Foles, Sam Darnold, and Jimmy Garoppolo. (49ers 30, Lions 27)

Get out of bounds, kid! That was dicey. McManus in. Kickers haven't had the best day today. It's GOOD! (Broncos 20, Raiders 19)

TAVON AUSTIN. Glad somebody finally got something out of him after five years.




I mean, yeah. That's why you make that mistake. Big run by Elliott. Austin again.




Now Dak with a run and the Cowboys have found some meat on that left side. Drive stalls, but the field goal is good this week. My answer to last week question of "Do the Giants even have four good linebackers" is probably "no" on first glance. TACO. That was an... interesting way to field that punt. What are the Giants doing? At least they went for it that time. Dak finds Terrence Williams. That didn't last long. The Giants still can't protect Eli. Another punt. Cowboys have controlled this game but they haven't done much since the first two drives. Meanwhile, the Giants can't do anything at all.




And the Giants start the second half by letting Eli get sacked and fumble. Poor tackling by the Giants leads to a first down. No idea what Dak was trying to do there. That ball's never landing inbounds. Cowboys settle for three. Eli throws over a double-covered Beckham and it still almost gets picked. He then finds Cody Latimer (?) for a big gain into Cowboys territory.




Someone's down for the Giants. Is that a leg brace or an air cast? Whatever it is, it looks bad. Cart's out. Eli overthrows Sterling Shepard. Eli tries to run and gets wrecked by Jaylon Smith. Kicker is out. Field goal is good. Beckham out to return this punt. Eli sacked again. That's, what, six? Prescott picks up a first down on a fourth-down sneak. Elliott gets to the second level. Cowboys in the red zone. Elliott appears to get stuffed on 3rd and 2, then cuts left to get the first down, then scores. We're done here. Can we get a Sean Lee update? Oh, their top draft pick is in. Eli finds an uncovered Engram for a touchdown that likely won't amount to much. Giants recover the onside kick? OK then. Beckham was going to get creamed either way on that ball into the end zone. Giants should have kicked the field goal by now. They're botching this the same way the Ravens did on Thursday night.




They do with 14 seconds left, and now Sean Lee's back out with the hands team for some reason. This was a fast game. It's not even 11:30. Kudos to all involved for that, at least. (Cowboys 20, Giants 13)

Russ almost fumbles that away but is ruled down. The Seahawks haven't scored on their opening drive in almost two seasons (31 games).




Trubisky SCRAMBLING. Breaking tackles, even. Trubisky sidearms a laser just past new Seahawk Mychal Kendricks to Jordan Howard, who takes off for 17 yards. Shovel pass to Burton for the touchdown.




Wilson not making optimal decisions, such as throwing to a double-covered tight end. TARIK COHEN PUNT RETURN. Not to the house, but he does get to the 40. That looks like a first down, but I'm not sure. They measure and it's about a yard short. The Bears go for it and Howard picks it up. Trubisky makes a bad read on an option and the Seahawks snuff it. Wilson was lucky he wasn't sacked in the end zone there. Trubisky underthrows Robinson and it's picked by Shaquill Griffin (the older of the Griffin twins and has also been in the league longer). Seahawks still can't get the ball moving. Tipped and picked AGAIN By Shaquill! Looks like Kendricks tipped it. DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: RIGHT side. Um, block Khalil Mack, Seahawks. Um, BLOCK KHALIL MACK, SEAHAWKS. It's like 4th and 56 now. (26. Apples and oranges.)




Bad snap, bad punt. This game may end 7-0. Trubisky finds Cohen downfield after the play breaks down. Robinson stretches and converts 3rd and 5. Urlacher in the house! He's getting his Hall of Fame ring tonight. Direct snap to Burton? Are these the Chicago Bears? Field goal is good. Trevathan with a sack and that's five this half. Wilson saves this drive with a scramble. Are they bringing on Seabass here? Yep. They look like basketball shorts on him. Janikowski from 56. Easy as pie. 10-3 Bears at the half. Kendricks with a sack for the Seahawks.




DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: LEFT side. Carroll calls time out to figure out this third down call. Pressure breaks down the Seattle offensive line (again) (shocker) and a swing pass to Mike Davis comes up short. Is Eddie Lacy still in the league? Seahawks punt. Bears aren't doing a great job of getting Taylor Gabriel in space — his speed is nullified when he's in traffic like that. Like that. That's better. They're doing a lot of this on this drive. Trubisky rolls left and hits Anthony Miller for the touchdown. Wilson somehow finds Tyler Lockett on 3rd and 14. Was he down? Yeah, his knee's down. No fumble. The Seahawks' offensive line also cannot block anyone. Amukamara gets hit with illegal contact. Did Lockett CATCH that? Touchdown! A dropkick kickoff? Really? I mean, it worked. WOW. Amukamara just picked the Seahawks' pocket. 24-10 Bears and that might be the ball game. Seahawks pick up a first down and now need to speed up. Fumble! Bears ball! THAT'S game.




I don't think Wilson ever saw Trevathan. So what's the issue on this punt? Bears touched it first so it's just a touchback, right? Nope, Seahawks ball at the 1. ESPN replaced Gerry Austin with JEFF TRIPLETTE? That's actually a downgrade. Seahawks running out of time. Touchdown with 14 seconds left. Dropkick ONSIDE kick. Yeah, that ain't happening. (Bears 24, Seahawks 17)


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Thursday, November 9, 2017

This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race

So three weeks ago, ESPN's Bomani Jones made this observation:









I thought 11 seemed high. Then I thought about it some more. Let's dive into this, shall we? (These aren't in any kind of order except the one I thought of them in.)

1. N.Y. Giants.  Eli will be 37 four days after the season ends. The Giants are 1-7 with two decent offensive linemen, no running backs, and no linebackers. They did draft Davis Webb in the third round this year, but unless they put him in and the Dak Prescott lightning bolt strikes again, looking for a higher-caliber long-term solution may be the best play.

2. Arizona. I'm mildly surprised they didn't grab one this year. They were rumored to be interested in Patrick Mahomes, but the Chiefs jumped up and grabbed him, taking them off this list. And with Carson Palmer (who'll be 38 at season's end) now done for the year with a broken arm, well...

 3. San Francisco. Saved a little money by letting Colin Kaepernick walk instead of releasing him, signed Brian Hoyer and Matt Barkley, then traded for the Patriots' Jimmy Garoppolo just before the deadline. Not the most inspiring set of moves.

4. Jacksonville. Blake Bortles ended up being better than Blaine Gabbert, but he's still bad. We know what Chad Henne is, and that's a career backup. But could they be gun-shy after missing twice on high draft picks?

5. Cleveland. Look, brass tacks here: Deshone Kizer isn't ready. Neither is Kevin Hogan. Or Cody Kessler, who may actually be their best option. Their biggest problem at this present time seems to be committing to a guy, and they don't have a lot invested in these three. If they did have a major investment in someone, that might change.

 6. Minnesota. This may seem like a surprising one, but they don't have a single quarterback under contract for next season. Sam Bradford's mediocre when he's healthy, and he's never healthy. Case Keenum can't keep this up. And who knows what, if anything, they'll ever get out of Teddy Bridgewater, who's reportedly close to coming back from that horrific leg injury he suffered last season.

7. N.Y. Jets. Josh McCown is 38. Neither Bryce Petty or Christian Hackenberg were good enough to supplant him this season. The Jets let all of their few good players leave in an obvious attempt to tank for a top quarterback prospect and are a surprising 4-5. They may not get what they want.

8. L.A. Chargers. (God, I'll never get used to that.) Philip Rivers is 35 and really doesn't want to be in Los Angeles, to the point that there were rumors that he had threatened to retire if the franchise moved. Well, he hasn't -- yet -- but the Chargers might want to think about finding a star to groom to get some people into their soccer stadium.

 9. Denver. Man, John Elway has low-key completely botched this. He was ready to overpay Brock Osweiler but the Texans turned out to be even crazier. Their first-round pick two years ago, Paxton Lynch, couldn't beat out a seventh-rounder in an open competition two years in a row, and now he's hurt. They brought Osweiler back and he hasn't been any better. And one more thing: Vance Joseph, the head coach, is in his first year. He has no attachment to any of these guys.

10. Pittsburgh. Ben Roethlisberger is 35 with the aches and pains of a man twice that age. Landry Jones, arguably the second-best quarterback in the God-awful 2013 class, still doesn't project as a starter. And this is the franchise that passed up a chance to have Dan Marino succeed Terry Bradshaw. The Steelers might want to get in on the ground floor for a new guy.

11. Washington. Kirk Cousins is an impending free agent after having been hit with the franchise tag for two straight seasons. Neither side has shown any inclination to discuss a long-term deal. Colt McCoy's their only other quarterback, and his deal runs out next year. If Cousins leaves, they'll need a guy.

12. Buffalo. Mostly because they seem hell-bent on dumping Tyrod Taylor, who's only helped them get to 5-3 while seemingly having to break in a new wide receiver every week.

That's already 12, as you can see. I could also make a case for the Ravens (Flacco's regression has to be concerning), Saints (Brees is 38), and maaaaaybe even the Dolphins (is Tannehill really the answer?) That brings you to 15, which is almost half the league. No wonder ratings are down.

Caveat: Whatever number you come up with, you're going to have to subtract two, because somebody's going to give Cousins too much money, and somebody else is going to give Garoppolo way too much money. (The 49ers trading for him doesn't change that; it just makes it more likely that they'll be the ones to do it.)

Now we come to the bigger problem: Numbers. Assume we're holding at 10 (12-2). Ten quarterbacks were drafted this year; four in the first two rounds. Last year, 15 quarterbacks were drafted; four in the first two rounds. In 2015, only seven were drafted; two in the first round. In 2014, 14 were drafted; five in the first two rounds. 2013, 11 and two. 2012, 11 and five(!).

That's... not enough quarterbacks even if they were to all pan out, and of the 68 quarterbacks drafted in the last five years, 22 aren't in the league. Some are going to draft guys who bust out. Some are going to throw money at mediocrity when they figure this out. And some teams are gonna have to wait until next year.

And they may not be able to afford to.

Desperate moves are coming.

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Saturday, November 8, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Shift Left

So no one's going to score from the opponent's territory? Got it. Brees just fumbled off his own dude. Then the refs are looking for the ball and the Carolina guy's sitting there holding it up. I feel like Kelvin Benjamin's been a top-3 rookie this season. Maybe it's just because I've seen him so much already.



Feel free to lose the CBS portion of your graphics, NFL Network — that little dance ended last week. Dangerous throw by Newton. Still nothing. That was just a straight run by Newton. Why is that guy out on a pass pattern? It went right off his hands. I guess he's not used to having the ball come straight at him. Ben Watson's still alive? Cam almost threw another pick.




Hey, Jerry Richardson playing footage. Another fumble? Of course, now Cam's got it but they call it Saints ball. Yeah, there it is on the third replay — Curtis Lofton comes in at the very end and grabs it, it looks like. Ingram! Nantz and Simms are spending an awful lot of time on this clock issue that's going to be completely irrelevant. See? Let's look at this. Yeah that's interference. Graham! The Saints are hoping he's back. Cam is painfully inaccurate tonight. For some reason Olsen stopped and didn't put down a block or Cam probably would have scored. So we'll be looking at this, then. Yeah, that'll count. Not this time, Ingram. Or this one, either. Brees got it over. Crowd is MAD. Knee's down. This'll come back. And that ended up being a big reversal.


Graham abused everybody on this drive. I think he's recovered. And Ingram seals it. (Saints 28, Panthers 10)

 Signal Finder: PHI @ HOU, SD @ MIA, NYJ @ KC (end), WSH @ MIN (end), DEN @ NE


Cha-CHING. Wasn't that the same pattern as last week? Sacks on top of sacks. Moose just jinxed Foles. And good job not even trying to tackle him, rest of the offense. The Eagles' offensive line isn't playing great right now. And Foles might be legit hurt — he's going to the locker room. When did Brandon Graham stop sucking again? Jesus, this punt. Lechler may still be the best in that business. It's Sanchize time. NO REST FOR THE WEARY. Wait, what did Maclin even do there? Remember, Sanchez played well in preseason — it's not like he doesn't know the plays. Touchdown to Matthews and that's good placement.







That one was too high. Huff's only like 5-9. Fitzpatrick had tons of time and Foster sold the false route well. I mean the Eagles' offense has moved the ball despite the O-line's struggles. Chip's going for it? Hey, it worked! Jesus, Watt somehow came completely free. That shouldn't happen ever. The second kick was better than the first. Another high snap. And the handoff to McCoy was high, too. Sanchez got lucky on that one. Oh, God, not again. Fletcher completely lost Hopkins. He's running in the other direction.

Field goal is... no good? I think Chip didn't expect the running game to do as well as it has. Hey, a rushing touchdown. Can we get LeSean some of those? Foster is limping and pissed off. Sanchez has no idea what happened.


That's the second time Hopkins has come across the field and no one's covered him. OH COME ON. Ryans intercepts the pass, them fumbles it? There's no way that's a good sign. And now he's hurt. Hopkins and turnovers are the only reason the Texans are still in this game. Sure, run the ball, why not. The Texans can't stop it. Sanchez can't slide, either. Mercilus left with an injury earlier, and a lot of guys have gone off injured in this game. Chip's going for it again, seemingly showing more confidence in his short-yardage game than he has earlier in this season at times. I think Polk got it. BOB is challenging the spot and that's always dicey. Let's not be losing yards here. Maclin? Maclin! I wasn't sure until the replay that it was a clean catch but it was.


And that will seal that deal. Oh, apparently they run Houston. That's worth something, I guess. (Eagles 31, Texans 21)

Good Lord, what is happening in Miami? I mean, Tannehill is carving the Chargers up. This is unbelievable. Now it's 30-0. Not sure why we haven't been switched to Jaguars-Bengals yet. Does it have to get to the fourth quarter first? Oh, never mind. Wait... Jets-Chiefs? (Dolphins 37, Chargers 0)


And we switch just in time to see Vick get hurt and MATT SIMMS start warming up (because Geno hurt his shoulder in addition to being benched.) This is going about as well as you'd expect. Why/How is Vick back in? P.S. The Chiefs have rebounded nicely and are one or two wins away from becoming a factor again. (Chiefs 24, Jets 10)

Watching the CBS crew between games. First of all, why aren't they showing Jags-Bengals? Second, why would anyone think Brandon Weeden would be good today? He hasn't been good since college.

Why didn't Griffin run for it? (Vikings 29, Redskins 26)

"Phil, some final thoughts." "Well, Jim, I just hope my son's chest didn't get caved in on that blitz earlier." That's the story of Brandon LaFell's life, right there.


Yeah, but you're gonna need touchdowns, Phil. That ball hit the ground. That's probably pass interference. I mean, it's close. And why IS the Peyton-Brady game always in Foxboro(ugh)? The only regular season meeting I remember that wasn't here was in Indy the year Brady was hurt. Oh, wait, there was another one. The one where Belichick blew that 4th and 1 play and the Colts won on a last-minute Peyton drive. Simms thinks Ninkovich changed direction on Peyton — something clearly happened because he was the closest guy to that pass. The Broncos aren't even pretending they can stop Gronk. And that was before the holding penalty. HOW did Edelman catch that?
Wow. The Broncos punter drops the snap (and got lucky to even get it off) and Edelman brings it back to the house.


Hey, Sanders is back in the game. "Nobody gets outside to contain Peyton Manning" was a sentence that was just unironically uttered.


That's always a jarring sound when the ball bounces off an upright. They got that back pretty quickly. Good job. Are the Broncos going for it on 4th and 6? Well, he just missed from 41 and I've already said that field goals aren't going to win this game. Well, that was the worst possible outcome.


Now the Patriots are running the two-minute drill to near perfection. Edelman AGAIN. Look, we've all seen the Broncos' offense but this feels like it's over. Oh, hang on a second... that ball hit the ground? It sure did. Let's try again. Doesn't matter. That's a clean pick. Julius! We may have something here. MAY. Belichick somewhat curiously calls a middle screen on 4th and 5 from the Broncos' 37 and Vereen bails him out, if only temporarily. Welker got popped. He used to catch those.




Interdeflection. And the Patriots score IMMEDIATELY. That might be it. The Pats are giving Ronnie Hillman zero respect. He's getting pounded out there. Sometimes legally. Good Lord that Gronk one-handed catch.




I'd say Belichick's getting ornery in his old age but let's be honest with ourselves. Some things never actually change. (Patriots 43, Broncos 21)

 This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Seahawks 30, Raiders 24. The mystique is gone, man. Gone.

I'm ready for someone to die. This Steelers-Ravens on Sunday night montage is fantastic. Lots of punting and disillusionment so far. Jacoby Jones is still not bad at that particular thing.




He sure did. Something tells me Ben won't be throwing for 522 tonight. That screen to Steve Smith was... suboptimal. I mean, Polamalu had him lined up for a beatdown but still. I would not have picked Ben to be the guy with two 500-yard games. I know Aguilera's from Pittsburgh, but "Genie In A Bottle"? Yeesh. Was that three sacks in a row? Good Lord. Someone needs to be cut in-game for that.




That's a fumble. Wait, that happened to Ben before? The EAGLES did it? If it's the game I'm thinking of, that was just a weird game all around. Three flags on one play? All Harbaugh can say is "Wow."




Yeah, call some runs, take a load off. Whoa. Normally you don't see backs make catches like that. Wait. James Harrison just did a thing? In 2014? Is this the first Steelers game Collinsworth has seen this year? They run Archer out of the backfield all the time. And Bryant is SAFE. Collinsworth speaking truth about Steve Smith there. I have no trouble believing he outwrestles Terrell Suggs. None whatsoever. Oh man, Harrison got hurt in that pileup? And now it's 4th and 1. Flacco sneak works! Hey, a "Wind Direction" graphic. Stay innovating, SNF. I mean, Tucker's not missing this. Wheaton just beat that dude like a drum. Bad snap on the extra point... and the holder throws for two!




How is that not good unless he wasn't on the edge? Now it's getting chippy.
What are they looking at here? His knee wasn't down and that's clearly a forward pass.
That's a borderline dirty play by Suggs there on a guy who's been stopped by forward progress. And things are starting to get ugly. Are the refs handing out warnings? Sure seems like it. How did Suggs not get tossed for going over to the Steelers bench? EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.




Ben threw a strike to Brown, who ran across the field for the touchdown and that might do it. OR NOT. Remember when I said earlier that Jones was still kind of good at that? Nice hit by Ben to Bryant. OK. THAT should do it. Look, you can't both have it. Throwing it on 4th and 2 with a 12-point lead and two minutes left? That is some world-class trolling, Steelers. World. Class. (Steelers 43, Ravens 23)

That was a long way to go for no payoff, McConaghey. And how is he a Redskins fan from Texas? How did he stay alive? Chris Botti! An instrumental guy I've heard of! Eli scrambled up in the pocket and threw it to absolutely no one. It's really been a year and a half since the Giants have scored an opening drive touchdown? That seems impossible.




Coughlin was talking today or yesterday about how Luck just doesn't get sacked. Luck did what Eli just isn't capable of. 3rd and 15? Sure, run Peyton Hillis.




The Giants are determined to make life hard for Luck in the pocket. Lot of angry people going after that ball. Whelan ran right into his own man. Also "Griff Whelan" sounds like a lax bro. The Colts beat the replay flag! And nobody was anywhere near Fleener. Hillis? Hillis! And it ends in sadness. The Giants just don't have a good enough roster. Now Prince is out? DRC was already slowed by a bunch of things. Fleener? No. The officials discussed that and got it right that he was out of bounds. Now JPP's walking off? They're gonna have to get Strahan a uniform at this rate. You know who might not be all that good is Julius Randle. He just flat dropped that one.




The Giants haven't been bad defensively. And then... it appears whatever ails the receivers is contagious. I'm sure Steve Weatherford's loose. Holy hell T.Y. Hilton. DRC just got owned. Nice move, rook. Well that changes things. That's not grounding. Reggie Wayne's still got it, somewhat. Was that a fumble? I guess so. The Giants' defense seems to have been worn down... they're not getting enough help from the offense.




NOBODY covered Dwayne Allen. Fantastic play fake. This one seems finished. Ah geez, Richburg. Eli has the best hands on the Giants tonight. And that one didn't even count. (Colts 40, Giants 24)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Arizona (7-1) — Cardinals rising?
2. New England (7-2) — Holding the fort

3. Denver (6-2) — A predictable hiccup
4. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Late '70's version redux

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-7) — Pulling off that last drive was just too much to ask
30. Jacksonville (1-8) — At least Denard Robinson's doing well
31. N.Y. Jets (1-8) — So long, Rex
32. Oakland (0-8) — Put up a fight, at least
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Sunday, November 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Same Old, Same Old

I feel like we've been here before. Did Montee Ball get hurt and I don't remember it?




That was... ill-advised. Especially since Rivers hasn't missed many yet. Gates! Keenan Allen scored a touchdown! Stop the presses! This is an interesting call. Carey says fumble... and the on-field refs disagree. Oh well. That was damn near picked off. Jeez, make it any easier, why don't you. I don't know what they're looking at — that's a clean interception. I can read Philip Rivers  lips, and he is not praying. These audibles look panicked, Touchdown Broncos!  Or not? Good spot by either Nantz or whoever saw that. That was a quick review. Sanders again? Comparisons to Eric Decker (who he effectively replaced) keep popping up. The Other Brandon Marshall's been having a real hot stretch.
Floyd caught that! Wow. Allen needs longer cleats. That's at least the second time he's slipped. Good thing they picked that flag up or there would have been two questionable pass interference calls in the end zone on the same drive. Gates again! That felt like it took 36 plays. Don't run it out, Weddle. Jeez. And someone held anyway so it doesn't even count. This feels over — not that it matters but the Chargers have had no running game tonight. Until now, of course. GATES. They missed the field goal? Man, Rivers. Floyd was never open. Go somewhere else next time.




I think we can safely wrap this up. (Broncos 35, Chargers 21)


Tally-ho or something.

Really, any decision Ryan made at that point would have been a bad one — he just happened to choose the worst one. I mean, that was right out of the Book of Favre. On top of that, the Falcons have fumbled about eight times and somehow not lost a single one that I'm aware of. Lot of guys on this Lions offense you've never heard of. Theo Riddick? The Falcons aren't as close as they think they are. They still need about 10 more yards for a reasonable field goal attempt. And they get zero more yards. Splendid. Good punt, though. And in two plays the Lions are in Falcons territory. They're going to blow this, aren't they? DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Well, here we go. Seriously? He MISSED it? Oh, delay of game, which strangely helps the Lions here. And how does that even happen with the clock stopped? Also the snap was bad but really? IT'S GOOD. THE LIONS MADE A FIELD GOAL.




(Lions 22, Falcons 21)

 Signal Finder: SEA @ CAR, BAL @ CIN (end), PHI @ AZ

The Bears' defense has two good players on it, one of which blew out his knee celebrating a sack while down by 25 points. You can blame Jay Cutler for a lot of things, but this game is not one of them. (Patriots 51, Bears 23)


Newton didn't get that. And the spot is closer than I thought he got. They're going for it and I assume it's a Newton sneak. Yep and it's good. Benjamin needs to catch that. That goal-line sequence was... unproductive. What is Thomas Davis doing? Stop running! That was so obviously a pass. A bounce pass, but still a pass. This isn't a good idea either. And yet it worked! Bad snap, the line breaks down, and Newton still gets the first down. That fumble ruins another good Panthers drive. Fouts said it: Neither guy wanted to take the football. Here come the Seahawks? This is why getting so little out of those earlier drives hurts, especially against a team that's reeling. No one was anywhere near Kearse. Lynch lost yardage on that pass. Interception? Interception! Lynch has to catch that. Is he tanking? There have been some dumb turnovers in this game and that's another one.




Wilson just threw a knuckleball that was almost caught. Willson didn't catch that? Oh, Kuechly hit him and knocked the ball out. Lynch has been the worst of Seattle's running backs today — Turbin's completely outplayed him in every aspect. That's another blown quarterback-running back exchange. And that's a bad snap and it's Panthers ball. This game has been terrible. Sherman was back on the punt return? That's some desperation right there. Man, a safety deciding this would have been SO appropriate. BENJAMIN!! And yet again no one can get into the end zone. Russ has this look on his face like "I'm going to have to do this myself again, aren't I?" OH MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN. Harper's hit knocked Willson into the end zone. Another sack! That's it., right? Who called THAT play? (Seahawks 13, Panthers 9)

Oh, Andy Dalton. You're so confounding. That's pretty blatant OPI. A screen pass on 4th and 20, Ravens? That's the same play the Panthers called on 4th and 25. And we all saw how well that worked out. (Bengals 27, Ravens 24)




How in God's name were the Jets favored? I mean, they were only favored by three and odds include a three-point advantage for the home team but they should have been a 12-point dog. Vegas doesn't know everything, people. (Bills 43, Jets 23)

Roof is CLOSED. Is this game in slow motion? The Cardinals are already burning time outs? Myers: "The officials, so far, have been the stars of this game." Well they're the only ones who've done anything. Don't jump. Don't jump. Christ. Wait, that one was on the Cardinals? Why are they punting? You're indoors! That's a big break for the Eagles. Foles beat the blitz and Matthews only had one guy to worry about. Good throw there. Sounds like there's some Eagles fans in the house. I've noticed that Foles always rolls left. The Eagles stay running screens like bosses. Maclin is the anti-DeSean in many ways, including touchdown celebration dances.




And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. This'll be an interesting spot. The Cardinals are going for it because I guess they figure they'll need touchdowns. Got it. And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. Matthews dropped that — it'll be incomplete. Not a particularly effective hold by Peterson. A defense with that guy on it should be better against the pass than this. The hell just happened?





And now the Cardinals are at midfield because no one saw the ball and Cole got flagged for roughing the passer.



I see you, Cooper. What's this challenge now? Also, that's a weak roughing the passer on the Honey Badger. I mean, Foles didn't even bother selling it, that's how bad it was. Now the Cardinals are out of challenges. Oh dear. Bucannon got Maclin with his helmet (which is why it flew off). They're still down. Hey, Foles rolled left. The Cardinals are blitzing like crazy now, and with Cromartie going off, it may continue. Earl Wolff just got steamrolled on that kickoff. I'm... I'm not even surprised any more. The pick wouldn't have mattered. Fitzgerald has made his career on tearing the Eagles to shreds. Does McCoy ever run straight ahead? This has been a strange series. It's gone from bad calls to bad non-calls. Parkey from 54? Good!




That touchdown to Maclin was pretty much perfection. Foles bought time and dropped it in the bucket. The interception, on the other hand... The Cardinals' goal-to-go offense looks like the Eagles'. So. Many. Penalties. Does this play calling seem odd to anyone else? I'm surprised they haven't tried play action here. NOW what do you do? And they've got the whole two-minute warning to think about it. They're kicking the field goal. OK. What.. What.. How? HOW?!?!?! HOW DO YOU LET THAT HAPPEN MY GOD THIS SECONDARY IS THE HOTTEST GARBAGE. Barber: "I don't know how that happened." I'll tell you how it happened, Ronde: You could put on an Eagles jersey right now and you'd be their best defensive back. Always the Cardinals. ALWAYS the Cardinals. YOU HAD ONE JOB. ONE FREAKING JOB.




I don't even care about this last drive because it's not going to work BECAUSE THE FOOTBALL CARDINALS HAVE THE SAME DEVIL MAGIC THE BASEBALL CARDINALS DO, BUT IT ONLY WORKS ON THE EAGLES. (Cardinals 24, Eagles 20)

DAMN YOU PRISON JERSEYS. DAMN YOU. The Steelers' offense isn't the Bengals'. Luck had been red hot but that was a bad pass. That, on the other hand, was a good one. No. 10 got lost in the coverage. The touchdown to Allen was a bullet. That throw to Bryant was so telegraphed and yet so perfect at the same time. Encroachment on a field goal? That's... not good. Pagano is furious.  How did Brown get his hands on that ball to catch it? Phil Sims called Greg Toler one-half of the best cornerback tandem in the NFL, proof that jet lag is real. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger has been a machine this half. Of course, this also means Luck has them right where he wants them. Hilton spun away and got open at the last second. I mean, the Colts might want to find someone who can cover Brown. Also, the Steelers might want to find someone who can cover Hilton. If Luck had gone right he might have made it. That first half was a bum rush. It keeps going! This Martavis Bryant needs to be the Steelers' No. 2 guy ASAP. Hey, Bradshaw scored on an actual run. Who is Donte Moncrief? How did the NBA Live NPCs get into this game? Also I should point out here that the Colts have made this a one-score game and I told you Luck had them right where he wanted them. That flag was in the end zone, wasn't it? What a buzzkill. Roethlisberger just hornswaggled the Colts defense. (Steelers 51, Colts 34)


Did Corey White wear that hat indoors? THAT didn't take long. I don't like the Saints' chances tonight — the only game their defense hasn't been pathetic in was the Vikings win after the Adrian Peterson thing broke. I've said before that commercial bumpers for games in New Orleans should be nothing but street musicians. Brandin Cooks! The Saints have been waiting for that kid. And Eddie Lacy comes right back with a 67-yarder. Packers got a little too tricky with that pass to Peppers. Well that completely backfired.






An onside kick? The hell is McCarthy doing? Hey, good job covering Colston. This may be Colts-Steelers but closer. "These defenses aren't too bad either." No, Cris, they're terrible. Field goals? Come on, guys. Hey a Jimmy Graham sighting! Ingram got smoked. Of course, the Saints were in that no-man's land where you don't love any of your 4th and short options. Rodgers is unhappy about something. Oh, he grabbed his leg. Interception off of a deflection. Now it's the Packers' turn to give up a bunch of big plays. Rodgers probably wishes that series had lasted longer.




The Packers are going to go for this? I mean, it worked earlier. Not even close. Graham!  That felt inevitable. Another forward progress deal? OK. This looks like the end. Rodgers weirdly walked in to the end zone there. You don't often see two terrible onside kicks in the same game but this is where we are. I mean, that one went BACKWARDS. Ingram's run ices it. I didn't think the Packers' defense would end up being the worst one on the field tonight but you can't predict this stuff. (Saints 44, Packers 23)

I'm always up for a good instrumental anthem. Especially after... last night. Harris ran into his own man on that punt return. Wait, now what? I understand nothing.




Hey, there's DeSean beating a Cowboys defensive back. That's never happened before. Unsportsmanlike conduct for that? That seems like a misapplication of the term.




Jesus, Tony, snap the damn ball. And they still didn't pick up the blitz. And Murray's left completely uncovered. Good job, everyone. /sarcasm Dez just fought three guys to score that touchdown. They need to pay that dude. Lot of interesting interpretations of the rules going on here tonight. Any reason DeSean's not getting flagged here? Oh, they both did. I only saw the tail end of that. Those Morris stats with or without Griffin do say something also. Didn't seem to bother him there, though. This has been a surprisingly low-scoring game. Romo almost got victimized by a knockdown there. He just took a SHOT. He's down. Took a knee to the back. That was actually good for the Cowboys that that wasn't a fumble... it may buy them a little time. But not that much.






It's Brandon Weeden time. And that is ALL he needs to do.




That's good coverage by that kid twice on Dez. The Cowboys can't tackle. We've seen far too much of Colt McCoy's parents tonight. Quarterback draw for a touchdown!





That fumble's on Weeden. Nice screen. Real nice. Someone got a sweet block downfield. Hey, nice coverage on Witten, Redskins! One thing I've noticed tonight is McCoy hasn't hit Jackson in stride once. Romo's back in the game? At his own 3? This is moronic.





This has to end with a pick, right? That works, too. Wait, the Cowboys got it back? They can now review this and they're finally going to after 15 seconds ran off the clock. And how was that not intercepted??? They're running out of time, though. "Dork Elvis?" Romo gets cadence calls from Bill Simmons nicknames? That's intentional grounding. I'd have had DeSean back there to return that punt but that's me. Overtime. Excellent catch on the sideline by Jordan Reed. The Redskins have moved the ball on this drive. There's the field goal.




The Cowboys have looked utterly discombobulated since Romo came back in. They deserved this loss.


Also, somebody won a bet. (Redskins 20, Cowboys 17, OT)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Denver (6-1) — It's an easy game, this football
2. Arizona (6-1) — When you've got it, you've got it
3. New England (6-2) — Oh shit, son...
4. Dallas (6-2) — Dr. Jones in the house?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-6) — Just gave up on a former top-10 pick
30. Jacksonville (1-7) — Well that was short-lived
31. N.Y. Jets (1-7) — So long, Geno
32. Oakland (0-7) — At least Derek Carr isn't terrible
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Sunday, October 26, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Lower Management

Oh, Jets. Why do you make it so easy so many times? Their radio guys are... less than enthused. That was a long way to go for that. The Jets can't afford to settle for field goals tonight. As I say that, field goals end up giving them the lead. But only temporarily. Whoa, Sheldon Richardson's in the backfield. A Jets touchdown! Stop the presses! Wait, Gostkowski MADE that? I was sure that was wide left. Geno is down. That... didn't look good. So all that and he only misses one play? That's fortunate, I guess. Maybe he's a really good actor. Danny Amendola LIVES!




We've seen the Jets put together some quality drives tonight but they need a touchdown here. These receivers are highly substandard. Touchdown Jets! That... probably should have worked. I mean, it had a chance.







And what's scary about that is that his explanation almost made sense. Good job by the Jets' offensive players getting out of bounds. They have just enough time to get one more quick pass off. And that's exactly how you do that if nobody's open. Dump it as quickly as possible. 58 yards? Let's see. BLOCKED! That kick looked low. And it was.




I thought that name sounded familiar. (Patriots 27, Jets 25)

Speaking of the Jets, they finally got the alleged playmaker they so desperately needed... about six months too late:




And really, though: Percy Harvin played for Pete Carroll in a state where marijuana is legal and he still couldn't find any chill? This dude needs a shrink.

Signal Finder: CIN @ IND, CAR @ GB, SEA @ STL (2nd half), TEN @ WSH (end), NYG @ DAL

That was an... unfortunate sequence of events for the Panthers. Once Nelson made the move it was over. The Panthers can't stop anything right now. That one was just too easy. The Panthers can't get out of their own way. This'll be over quickly if they can't get sorted. JEBUS. I see why Kuechly's the Panthers' leading tackler — he's the only one who can. Finally, the Panthers are doing things. That's kind of a stupid penalty. At least they survived it. The irony there is a better throw gets intercepted. Lacy didn't even gain any more yards and the Panthers still couldn't bring him down. Then they jump offsides on 3rd down and Lacy uses the shorter distance to break one. There's nothing the Panthers can do. Touchdown to Cobb and this may be a wrap. I'm just gonna assume that "AARON SAYS RELAX" T-shirts are massive sellers in Wisconsin right now. Hey, a stop. This is the Panthers' best drive of the day and they're not even at midfield. Good catch by Benjamin to go up and get it. They need points here. That'll do, I guess. The Panthers have clearly rethought things. Newton with the sneak on 4th and 1... and they don't get it. Aaaand we're headed to St. Louis. (Packers 38, Panthers 17)

So both the Bears and the Buccaneers chose the wrong quarterback? Good to know. (Dolphins 27, Bears 14)


Is the referee putting his contact lens back in? He is! I find that strangely reassuring. So that was a fumble after all. Leon Hall just dropped a pick-six. I don't know where Luck was going with that, either. Careful with those legs, Burfict. That's a good stand by the Bengals — you make Luck run twice in a goal-to-go situation, you'll take that. Every time I've seen the Bengals this year, Gresham hasn't been getting any separation from defenders. Bradshaw! Good job atoning for the fumble earlier. It seems like Trent Richardson's finally starting to figure it out. Another fumble? Bad handoff. Man, as soon as I said it. Of course, the Bengals can't get anything going. A lot happened on that pass to Bernard — was it backwards? Was that hit legal?




Fleener couldn't have seen that; that's the only reason he didn't go get it. Did somebody just get run? Oh, yeah, you can't touch the refs. This may not  be the best time to point out that the Colts are hitting everything in front of them but they are. I'd be shocked if the Bengals' total yards after the catch was more than 10. I'm surprised Allen stayed inbounds. The Bengals are getting overwhelmed on offense. it really does feel like they should be down 30 with how little production they've gotten. This should be a touchdown. Yep — the guy tackling Bradshaw grabbed him by his knee, keeping it from hitting the ground. Dude has six touchdown catches. Sanu! That's the first play the Bengals have made and there's 11 minutes left. They didn't get ANY points? Lord. To D.C.! (Colts 27, Bengals 0)




There was no fair catch signal. Carroll can complain all he wants. A Seahawk slipped on that Cunningham 3rd down run that didn't get there. That is terrible edge defense by the Rams. How do you let Russell Wilson break off a 52-yarder? Offensive holding takes away a touchdown and Lynch's only good run today. That's... a touchdown. Who's this dude? Number three tight end? I'm not a fan of the empty backfield on the two-point conversion, even with a quarterback who can run. I think it limits your options. And it didn't work. Chris Givens? Let me tell you something: I don't want to say if Austin Davis is good or not, but he isn't bad. Did this break the plane? Yes! The problem the Rams had last week was they couldn't sustain it for four quarters. This week they just might. If... IF they can stop this drive, which they haven't yet. How did Kearse get that open? Then he ran through the coverage. Bad tackling by the Rams on the Baldwin touchdown. FAKE PUNT!!!! If nothing else, it bought the Rams some yardage. Best case, it might end the game.




Why did Fisher call time out? Fumble? Who's got it? That's a clean fumble. No way to tell.




Rams ball! That's it! Wow. Carroll looks stunned.




(Rams 28, Seahawks 26)




I don't think we could have expected Colt McCoy to be the one to end the Kirk Cousins era but here we are. Offsetting penalties? So much for that big DeSean catch. That is blatant interference — McCourty's hanging on for dear life, as Harlan described it. Stop yapping, DeSean. How did he not get flagged there? Field goal up. Field goal good. And Colt McCoy has as many wins this season as Kirk Cousins does. (Redskins 19, Titans 17)


Well, Brees looks like he's back. Great catch and body control by that guy to give the Lions the lead. So Brees cooled off in the fourth? Look, if you make him run, that's a win. And there's your stop.




Apparently no one. (Lions 24, Saints 23)

Why so mad, Giants? Three straight runs. Interesting. Fine coverage by the Giants on Escobar. did they forget he was on the field? Antrel Rolle was going in the opposite direction. Also, Romo had three days to throw that ball. Chronicle the saga of the Giants' new offense, won't you, Thom Brenneman? I feel like Giants fans had gotten fed up with Gilbride's predictable scheme and wanted something new.




Well this is interesting. The ground caused that fumble but I don't know about that spot. Now, did Garrett challenge after they measured? It's short. Giants going for it? I'd have the quarterback sneak banked just in case drawing them offsides goes wrong. Aaand it's a false start so it doesn't matter. How are you gonna fine a guy who clearly can't afford underwear? I kid, I kid, the NFL rookie scale is pretty good. The Giants are misfiring in the passing game again. Big pickup by Donnell. They're going for it again? And throwing into double coverage? Pass interference? OK. Hey an Andre Williams sighting. Carr holds Beckham and he still scores. Romo just barely escaped calamity there. Dez fell down is why that interception happened. That return by Prince, though. Murray popped him one at the end to knock him out of bounds. Touchdown Giants.




Careful, DeMarco — you've never played a full season in the NFL. I mean, Romo has so much time at times behind this line. I don't understand the last three minutes of this half. ELI MOTORING. That should have been a fumble. That drive was kind of a waste. Hey, Murray's back in. You have to actually tackle Dez. Romo led Escobar pretty much perfectly on that touchdown.  Aikman's talking about how these quick wide receiver screens didn't work for the Seahawks last week, either. Another wasted drive by the Giants. WHOA that's bright. Romo just said "double move" and then they ran the ball. I'd have gone for it, Garrett. The Giants can't stop them right now. Charissa's report about the sunlight coming in through the usually-closed doors has me thinking of The Hunt For Red October. "Those doors, sir, are the problem." Fumble! Cowboys ball. Pretty much the same thing that happened earlier on the Bradshaw run that they didn't give the Cowboys the ball on. Dez!! They're gonna give him that? Nah, he's down at about the 3. Or the 1. It's all semantics, really. I feel like Eli's had a good game but it won't matter in the end. Well, they've got something cooking here, at least. I mean, this is what this offense is now, especially with no Cruz. Beckham scores and for the moment, we have a game. This is how you run a four-minute drive, and Bailey's not going to miss this field goal. (Cowboys 31, Giants 21)




Dockett's already out for the season. What's he got to lose? (Cardinals 24, Raiders 13)

Those aren't the 49ers' regular left guard and center either. That was easy enough. This would be the place to try a 51-yarder with a 39-year-old kicker, you know. Not even close. That's good concentration by Sanders. Peyton just faked everybody out on that pass to Welker. He's tied! Been quite a few sacks already tonight. Is there any ball Boldin can't catch? Yeah, that's interference, and not good interference, as Boldin caught it before it got knocked out of his hands. Well I guess there's one ball Boldin can't catch.




I have no idea why Harbaugh's challenging this — he's gonna lose 15 yards on the penalty regardless.
That is also a penalty. Peyton fell down after that play fake and for a split second I thought he was going to try to throw it from his back. Wrong Thomas, Peyton. Good job by NBC going to the PA for the announcement.










The Niners are wasting all kinds of time here. I feel like they were unjustly rewarded for that.
Not a good throw by Kaepernick. And Peyton cashes in IMMEDIATELY. The 49ers corners aren't good. And really, they're just outmanned in general tonight and will be until they get some key guys back. Now the Broncos are continuing a 15-year or so tradition of running the ball effectively with guys you've never heard of. Al and Cris are flipping coins up in the booth. Osweiler's in. Were those his career numbers? Also, I see Blaine Gabbert is still crap.




Look, a good prank requires proper planning. Any episode of Night Court should have taught you that. (Broncos 42, 49ers 17)

YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE. Good Lord, I apologize. That's what the Texans needed and the Steelers didn't. Ben didn't even hold on to the ball all that long — Mercilus was just on him that quickly. Also, Watt straight up abused DiCostanzo. The Steelers' defense is just too old. That's... that's a hell of a metaphor by Timmons just now.




You know who's good is DeAndre Hopkins. I'd go for this if I were the Texans. You've got Arian Foster. And that's how you do that. Watt is unblockable. You know a guy who doesn't get talked about anymore is Brian Cushing, who looked really slow trying to run down Bell just then. Whoa! Someone blew a coverage. This is that kid's debut, I believe. Good start. Wait, is this a fumble? They're looking closely at it. Steelers ball! That did NOT deserve to work. And Fitzpatrick just threw an interception! Timmons is having a rough night. That pass hit him in the head. Touchdown to Bell! JEBUS.










Flea flicker? Shame that didn't amount to anything. Now the Texans are pinned deep. Nice job moving the ball and getting out of there. This is getting overturned — Moore was rather clearly down. Though I do find it interesting that the original call was that the Texans player had stepped out of bounds after picking the ball up. You know who's still good is Andre Johnson. I mean, that's a catch. It's not NOT a catch. THIS one, on the other hand... where's that second foot? Man, I don't know. That's as close as it gets. Oh my God, Hopkins, that was terrible. Tirico's right — why are the Steelers throwing here? The Texans somehow have no time outs left. Is Jim Harbaugh coaching tonight? And here's why... the Texans just went down the field on your defense and there's still 1:45 left. You'd better recover this awful onside kick. Good job. (Steelers 30, Texans 23)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Dallas (6-1) — I mean... there's really no denying it
2. Denver (5-1) — A self-assured bunch
3. Arizona (5-1) — Another easy victory
4. Green Bay (5-2) — Sneaking up on everyone

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — No team in the league has allowed more points
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Nice first win for the Jags
31. N.Y. Jets (1-6) — I'm guessing Harvin won't much like it here, either
32. Oakland (0-6) — Hit new low getting trolled by an injured guy
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