Showing posts with label New York Football Giants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New York Football Giants. Show all posts

Saturday, November 8, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Shift Left

So no one's going to score from the opponent's territory? Got it. Brees just fumbled off his own dude. Then the refs are looking for the ball and the Carolina guy's sitting there holding it up. I feel like Kelvin Benjamin's been a top-3 rookie this season. Maybe it's just because I've seen him so much already.



Feel free to lose the CBS portion of your graphics, NFL Network — that little dance ended last week. Dangerous throw by Newton. Still nothing. That was just a straight run by Newton. Why is that guy out on a pass pattern? It went right off his hands. I guess he's not used to having the ball come straight at him. Ben Watson's still alive? Cam almost threw another pick.




Hey, Jerry Richardson playing footage. Another fumble? Of course, now Cam's got it but they call it Saints ball. Yeah, there it is on the third replay — Curtis Lofton comes in at the very end and grabs it, it looks like. Ingram! Nantz and Simms are spending an awful lot of time on this clock issue that's going to be completely irrelevant. See? Let's look at this. Yeah that's interference. Graham! The Saints are hoping he's back. Cam is painfully inaccurate tonight. For some reason Olsen stopped and didn't put down a block or Cam probably would have scored. So we'll be looking at this, then. Yeah, that'll count. Not this time, Ingram. Or this one, either. Brees got it over. Crowd is MAD. Knee's down. This'll come back. And that ended up being a big reversal.


Graham abused everybody on this drive. I think he's recovered. And Ingram seals it. (Saints 28, Panthers 10)

 Signal Finder: PHI @ HOU, SD @ MIA, NYJ @ KC (end), WSH @ MIN (end), DEN @ NE


Cha-CHING. Wasn't that the same pattern as last week? Sacks on top of sacks. Moose just jinxed Foles. And good job not even trying to tackle him, rest of the offense. The Eagles' offensive line isn't playing great right now. And Foles might be legit hurt — he's going to the locker room. When did Brandon Graham stop sucking again? Jesus, this punt. Lechler may still be the best in that business. It's Sanchize time. NO REST FOR THE WEARY. Wait, what did Maclin even do there? Remember, Sanchez played well in preseason — it's not like he doesn't know the plays. Touchdown to Matthews and that's good placement.







That one was too high. Huff's only like 5-9. Fitzpatrick had tons of time and Foster sold the false route well. I mean the Eagles' offense has moved the ball despite the O-line's struggles. Chip's going for it? Hey, it worked! Jesus, Watt somehow came completely free. That shouldn't happen ever. The second kick was better than the first. Another high snap. And the handoff to McCoy was high, too. Sanchez got lucky on that one. Oh, God, not again. Fletcher completely lost Hopkins. He's running in the other direction.

Field goal is... no good? I think Chip didn't expect the running game to do as well as it has. Hey, a rushing touchdown. Can we get LeSean some of those? Foster is limping and pissed off. Sanchez has no idea what happened.


That's the second time Hopkins has come across the field and no one's covered him. OH COME ON. Ryans intercepts the pass, them fumbles it? There's no way that's a good sign. And now he's hurt. Hopkins and turnovers are the only reason the Texans are still in this game. Sure, run the ball, why not. The Texans can't stop it. Sanchez can't slide, either. Mercilus left with an injury earlier, and a lot of guys have gone off injured in this game. Chip's going for it again, seemingly showing more confidence in his short-yardage game than he has earlier in this season at times. I think Polk got it. BOB is challenging the spot and that's always dicey. Let's not be losing yards here. Maclin? Maclin! I wasn't sure until the replay that it was a clean catch but it was.


And that will seal that deal. Oh, apparently they run Houston. That's worth something, I guess. (Eagles 31, Texans 21)

Good Lord, what is happening in Miami? I mean, Tannehill is carving the Chargers up. This is unbelievable. Now it's 30-0. Not sure why we haven't been switched to Jaguars-Bengals yet. Does it have to get to the fourth quarter first? Oh, never mind. Wait... Jets-Chiefs? (Dolphins 37, Chargers 0)


And we switch just in time to see Vick get hurt and MATT SIMMS start warming up (because Geno hurt his shoulder in addition to being benched.) This is going about as well as you'd expect. Why/How is Vick back in? P.S. The Chiefs have rebounded nicely and are one or two wins away from becoming a factor again. (Chiefs 24, Jets 10)

Watching the CBS crew between games. First of all, why aren't they showing Jags-Bengals? Second, why would anyone think Brandon Weeden would be good today? He hasn't been good since college.

Why didn't Griffin run for it? (Vikings 29, Redskins 26)

"Phil, some final thoughts." "Well, Jim, I just hope my son's chest didn't get caved in on that blitz earlier." That's the story of Brandon LaFell's life, right there.


Yeah, but you're gonna need touchdowns, Phil. That ball hit the ground. That's probably pass interference. I mean, it's close. And why IS the Peyton-Brady game always in Foxboro(ugh)? The only regular season meeting I remember that wasn't here was in Indy the year Brady was hurt. Oh, wait, there was another one. The one where Belichick blew that 4th and 1 play and the Colts won on a last-minute Peyton drive. Simms thinks Ninkovich changed direction on Peyton — something clearly happened because he was the closest guy to that pass. The Broncos aren't even pretending they can stop Gronk. And that was before the holding penalty. HOW did Edelman catch that?
Wow. The Broncos punter drops the snap (and got lucky to even get it off) and Edelman brings it back to the house.


Hey, Sanders is back in the game. "Nobody gets outside to contain Peyton Manning" was a sentence that was just unironically uttered.


That's always a jarring sound when the ball bounces off an upright. They got that back pretty quickly. Good job. Are the Broncos going for it on 4th and 6? Well, he just missed from 41 and I've already said that field goals aren't going to win this game. Well, that was the worst possible outcome.


Now the Patriots are running the two-minute drill to near perfection. Edelman AGAIN. Look, we've all seen the Broncos' offense but this feels like it's over. Oh, hang on a second... that ball hit the ground? It sure did. Let's try again. Doesn't matter. That's a clean pick. Julius! We may have something here. MAY. Belichick somewhat curiously calls a middle screen on 4th and 5 from the Broncos' 37 and Vereen bails him out, if only temporarily. Welker got popped. He used to catch those.




Interdeflection. And the Patriots score IMMEDIATELY. That might be it. The Pats are giving Ronnie Hillman zero respect. He's getting pounded out there. Sometimes legally. Good Lord that Gronk one-handed catch.




I'd say Belichick's getting ornery in his old age but let's be honest with ourselves. Some things never actually change. (Patriots 43, Broncos 21)

 This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Seahawks 30, Raiders 24. The mystique is gone, man. Gone.

I'm ready for someone to die. This Steelers-Ravens on Sunday night montage is fantastic. Lots of punting and disillusionment so far. Jacoby Jones is still not bad at that particular thing.




He sure did. Something tells me Ben won't be throwing for 522 tonight. That screen to Steve Smith was... suboptimal. I mean, Polamalu had him lined up for a beatdown but still. I would not have picked Ben to be the guy with two 500-yard games. I know Aguilera's from Pittsburgh, but "Genie In A Bottle"? Yeesh. Was that three sacks in a row? Good Lord. Someone needs to be cut in-game for that.




That's a fumble. Wait, that happened to Ben before? The EAGLES did it? If it's the game I'm thinking of, that was just a weird game all around. Three flags on one play? All Harbaugh can say is "Wow."




Yeah, call some runs, take a load off. Whoa. Normally you don't see backs make catches like that. Wait. James Harrison just did a thing? In 2014? Is this the first Steelers game Collinsworth has seen this year? They run Archer out of the backfield all the time. And Bryant is SAFE. Collinsworth speaking truth about Steve Smith there. I have no trouble believing he outwrestles Terrell Suggs. None whatsoever. Oh man, Harrison got hurt in that pileup? And now it's 4th and 1. Flacco sneak works! Hey, a "Wind Direction" graphic. Stay innovating, SNF. I mean, Tucker's not missing this. Wheaton just beat that dude like a drum. Bad snap on the extra point... and the holder throws for two!




How is that not good unless he wasn't on the edge? Now it's getting chippy.
What are they looking at here? His knee wasn't down and that's clearly a forward pass.
That's a borderline dirty play by Suggs there on a guy who's been stopped by forward progress. And things are starting to get ugly. Are the refs handing out warnings? Sure seems like it. How did Suggs not get tossed for going over to the Steelers bench? EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.




Ben threw a strike to Brown, who ran across the field for the touchdown and that might do it. OR NOT. Remember when I said earlier that Jones was still kind of good at that? Nice hit by Ben to Bryant. OK. THAT should do it. Look, you can't both have it. Throwing it on 4th and 2 with a 12-point lead and two minutes left? That is some world-class trolling, Steelers. World. Class. (Steelers 43, Ravens 23)

That was a long way to go for no payoff, McConaghey. And how is he a Redskins fan from Texas? How did he stay alive? Chris Botti! An instrumental guy I've heard of! Eli scrambled up in the pocket and threw it to absolutely no one. It's really been a year and a half since the Giants have scored an opening drive touchdown? That seems impossible.




Coughlin was talking today or yesterday about how Luck just doesn't get sacked. Luck did what Eli just isn't capable of. 3rd and 15? Sure, run Peyton Hillis.




The Giants are determined to make life hard for Luck in the pocket. Lot of angry people going after that ball. Whelan ran right into his own man. Also "Griff Whelan" sounds like a lax bro. The Colts beat the replay flag! And nobody was anywhere near Fleener. Hillis? Hillis! And it ends in sadness. The Giants just don't have a good enough roster. Now Prince is out? DRC was already slowed by a bunch of things. Fleener? No. The officials discussed that and got it right that he was out of bounds. Now JPP's walking off? They're gonna have to get Strahan a uniform at this rate. You know who might not be all that good is Julius Randle. He just flat dropped that one.




The Giants haven't been bad defensively. And then... it appears whatever ails the receivers is contagious. I'm sure Steve Weatherford's loose. Holy hell T.Y. Hilton. DRC just got owned. Nice move, rook. Well that changes things. That's not grounding. Reggie Wayne's still got it, somewhat. Was that a fumble? I guess so. The Giants' defense seems to have been worn down... they're not getting enough help from the offense.




NOBODY covered Dwayne Allen. Fantastic play fake. This one seems finished. Ah geez, Richburg. Eli has the best hands on the Giants tonight. And that one didn't even count. (Colts 40, Giants 24)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Arizona (7-1) — Cardinals rising?
2. New England (7-2) — Holding the fort

3. Denver (6-2) — A predictable hiccup
4. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Late '70's version redux

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-7) — Pulling off that last drive was just too much to ask
30. Jacksonville (1-8) — At least Denard Robinson's doing well
31. N.Y. Jets (1-8) — So long, Rex
32. Oakland (0-8) — Put up a fight, at least
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Saturday, October 18, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Upping Your Ends

Nice catch, Hilton. Look up! That one hit the Texan in the head. Onside kick! The Texans just STOOD there. I mean, the Colts have done that three times already this year, as Nantz said. Don't you have to be thinking of that? Hilton wasn't touched! Or was he? That looked like two straight brain freezes by the Texans but we'll see.


I guess there was contact. And of course Richardson pretty much walks in on the next play. That's the easiest touchdown he's ever scored in the NFL. Watt ran down Luck but he may have simply postponed the inevitable.


Easy touchdown to Bradshaw and we've seen this movie before, haven't we? I'd say something about the Texans but they've done absolutely nothing. They got that time out? And Fleener's wide open in the end zone. This thing's over.



Arian Foster!  Again! Just give that guy the ball all the time, Texans. Fitzpatrick's beard is trying to escape his helmet. That can't be safe. How was that not intercepted? Points for the Texans. Tipped interception? This Tuggle related to Jessie at all? Nah, they would have mentioned it. The offensive line's opening holes for Foster and he's finding them. Could this turn into a game? Bradshaw ran through about four Texans on that 3rd down pass. Simms preaching aggression is laughable. Ironically, since he said that, things have slowed considerably. Did Bradshaw ever catch this many passes with the Giants? HOLD THE PROVERBIAL PHONE. I mean, if nothing else, the Texans have been able to run the ball tonight. This is a good response by the Colts. Oh, here's something else: the Texans refuse to cover Hilton. Why are they going for two here?




Oh, that won't help matters. Luck has hit on something these last few weeks. Meanwhile, Hilton's out here setting records or something. What happened there? Well, we've seen the commercials, and that proves it: the only thing J.J. Watt can't do is dance.




He wasn't touched, either. That's... not pass interference. BOB is livid. Calm down, man, it happens to everybody. Now nobody on the Colts is catching anything. Wayne caught that? OK there's the challenge flag. That one's gonna be close. Incomplete. Not a good series for Andre Johnson. Offensive PI and now this. I disagree with Carey here — I think that's a catch. Refs got this one right.



That's a big knockdown by Watt at a crucial point. With not-good teams, this drive usually ends in an interception. Oh, Fitzpatrick fumbled? That works, too. Did DeAndre Hopkins not see the ball there? At least it wasn't a massacre. (Colts 33, Texans 28)

Signal Finder: PIT @ CLE, GB @ MIA, CAR @ CIN (end), DAL @ SEA, WSH @ AZ (end)

It's surprisingly loud at Sun Life. Must be all the transplants — I wouldn't want to stay in Wisconsin either. The Packers just flat beat Miami corners on the touchdown and the pass to Cobb before it. Nice return. I mean, you have to block Julius Peppers. Blocked punt! Why would you do anything with Mike Wallace other than send him deep? He can't do anything else. Good hold by the Packers defense, but I think I might have tried rolling Tannehill out at some point. Two near-misses there: Wake almost crushed Rodgers, who would have had a touchdown if Starks had caught that dump-off. Lamar Miller lost 40 yards on that run. Tannehill should have gone somewhere else with that one. This Landry kid has some wheels on him. Finnegan's in Miami? I thought that dude retired. And Tannehill throws another interception. That was an ever worse decision than the first one — Hartline wasn't close to open. The Packers punter almost got beat again. That's a touchback. This is the first good Dolphins drive of the game. Both Packers corners are out? Tannehill's looked much better this half. Wait, that went off his head? Miller! We're somehow tied. The Dolphins are finding gold along the sidelines. I'M MIKE WALLACE. (Haven't said that in a few years.) Feels like Starks is having a better game than Eddie Lacy today. Did Rodgers try to jump over that guy? What was that? Man, NOW what do you do? 4th and 6? Either way you're gonna have to hope you can get the ball back... I don't know. OK. So the Packers got the stop they needed. The Dolphins brought the house on that sack. How does Nelson get loose? He didn't step out of bounds, either. That timeout's gonna get scrutinized if the Dolphins end up losing. Rodgers is suddenly getting no protection. FAKE SPIKE!! Get out of bounds, kid! Good job. (He almost scored.) TOUCHDOWN! That ball was teleported. This super lateral play is getting interest— ah, that's that, I suppose. (Packers 27, Dolphins 24)















I mean, what I don't get about this is how the Buccaneers' defense has been this bad. (Ravens 48, Buccaneers 17)


Sounds like this last-minute switch to Steelers-Browns was a good thing. Bad snap on that field goal attempt? Oh, it slipped out of the holder's hand. How does no one cover Jordan Cameron? With Josh Gordon out selling cars or whatever, he's the Browns' best offensive player by a considerable margin. Cameron again! And this time he scored. That's good play design by... Kyle Shanahan? Man, the Browns have scored three straight touchdowns and are freight-training the Steelers right now. This is how their first game started, but going the other way. And I'm not all that certain that this one's going to end the same way that one did. No idea what the Steelers are planning here with eight seconds. Oh, that. Too many fakes on that one Browns pass but it worked anyway. This is stunning. I mean, we've seen the Browns pick the Steelers off in recent years, but not like this.




Did I miss a Browns turnover or something? The Steelers have had the ball for six minutes and are somehow back at midfield? Oh, they had the ball for 50 seconds. Hoyer was 8 for 17? Usually you're on the bad side of this score when that happens. Hell, usually you don't even get to double digits when that happens. (Browns 31, Steelers 10)



Think CBS regretted doing this? Think FOX regretted letting CBS do this? Especially with the baseball playoffs going on and not having Joe Buck or Kevin Burkhart (who's anchoring the FS1 studio show) already screwing up the announcer pairings. That's how we ended up with Mike Goldberg's disaster at Lions-Vikings and something else that we'll get to later. As for the game itself, clearly Tom Brady's still pissed off. (Patriots 37, Bills 22)


GIOOOOOOOO. If this game doesn't go to overtime the Bengals don't get Bernard back. That's a big sack and the Bengals are stuck with a field goal now. They're running Cam a lot. I know he's their best healthy runner at this point but still. Two missed passes and now it's a field goal to tie it again. It's good. Next score wins! But there's only three minutes left! HANG ON, EVERYBODY. This is gonna end in a tie, isn't it? Big catch! AND a penalty? Now the Bengals have time to take at least one shot. They're not going to? Well, this'll be it right here then. HE MISSED?!?!?!?!?



(Panthers 37, Bengals 37, OT)




Maybe next week. (Lions 17, Vikings 7)

That's one of Murray's two bugaboos — he struggles protecting the ball. How are the Cowboys not abysmal defensively? They were terrible last year, lost their three best players, and added no one of consequence. This has to come apart at some point, right? What has happened to punt protection in this league?





The Seahawks are uncharacteristically getting killed by this underneath stuff. Honestly, with Maxwell out, I wouldn't put Dez anywhere near Sherman for the rest of this game. I don't know what that flag was for, either.




The way the Cowboys have owned this quarter, anything less than a touchdown would have been an embarrassment. Now we got a scrum. This is the Seahawks' biggest problem right now; they can't get off the field on defense. The announcers keep bringing up the Chargers game and they should. Hey, a sack. BEAST MODE. Well, at least they got to midfield first. The other thing is the Seahawks haven't made any 3rd downs either. A muff? Seahawks ball! No. 52 is standing there waving the ball in the air and the refs are still digging through the pile. Wilson: "Screw this. I'll do it myself." Bad snap? What WAS that? Now we have another skirmish. And another fumble maybe? Seahawks ball! And ANOTHER donnybrook. That penalty on Okung killed this drive. The Seahawks defense is not having a good day. The Seahawks' offense needs to go down the field. LIKE THAT. And then they hit another one on third down! That'll get challenged — or not, as there was defensive holding anyway. And another drive fizzles out. The defense is going to have to win this one, I think, and I'm legitimately not sure they're up to the task. A Cowboys penalty wipes out a big gain? That's never happened before. God help us all if that Baldwin-Wilson exchange had been Dez and Romo. That's DEFINITELY getting challenged. Oh my God, Williams CAUGHT that. Where did he even come from? That was absurd. This whole game has defied description. And then it occurred to me: The Romo-era Cowboys have always played their best when expectations are at their lowest. (Cowboys 30, Seahawks 23)

Carson's back! And Redskins fans still prefer Cousins over Griffin. Yeah, you guys keep running with that.


They're running this package of Cousins' interceptions and they get progressively worse, culminating with that last one that went right to Johnson for the touchdown. It's time to end this nonsense.




Also, the Cardinals are in first place all by themselves. (Cardinals 30, Redskins 20)

That may have been McCoy's best run in three weeks. Andre Williams trucked somebody. Who was that? Eli took too long to do... something. You should never want to hear your own coaches say "Bad things happen when you hold the ball" about you. This looks like a bad challenge. Well that play fake didn't fool anyone. Some good runs by McCoy tonight.  ERTZ! That was pretty crazy itself.





 


This playlist baffles me. "All Of Me" as a bumper in an NFL game? How does that work?  MCR? Yellowcard? At least P!nk's from nearby. Anyway, I'm digressing. Trent Cole hasn't lost a whole lot. First and 19. That's uncommon. Delay of Game? Really? Coughlin's furious. Barwin's going nuts. Eli's getting beat up out here.




Even Bennie Logan's getting in on the act. Eli should not be trying to make moves. Another good run by McCoy, and a nice block by Maclin. James Casey?!? This may be turning into one of those games. Giants are doing dumb things now. Sproles ran into Donnell for some reason or he might have scored. Amazingly, that's a good job to pick up that flag — there was no face mask. Somehow JPP caught Foles just in time. The Giants can't do anything on first down. They got a piece of that punt, too? Big plays big. Should have eaten that one, Foles. Prediction: Nothing comes of this. And there's offensive holding. Fielding that punt was some youthful exuberance on Beckham's part. That sequence didn't go well. How did Donnell catch that? That ball got tipped twice. OFFENSIVE HOLDING. Giants should probably go for it here. Incomplete and Cruz is hurt. Cart's out. You can't like seeing this if you're a halfway decent human being. Meanwhile, McCoy appears to be back. This is what I get for benching him. Sproles struts into the end zone.




I mean, everything's gone wrong for the Giants tonight. That was odd. Get up, Sproles! We're out of running backs! That was weird — Beckham misplayed the punt and it just went off Huff's knee. Then he juggles and drops a pass. Welcome to the show, kid. Chip just picking runs at random now. This one's been over for a while. Trey Burton getting carries! If the Giants wanted to not get shut out, why bring Nassib in? I agree with Collinsworth — you try a field goal here, you're only trolling yourself.




Yeah, good job by you guys. (Eagles 27, Giants 0)


The '90's Rams unis! I'm all about that.




This is the 700th Monday Night Football, for the record.  I don't know if Austin Davis is any kind of long-term solution, but he's earned at least a chance to prove whether he is or not. It's kind of shameful that the Rams are just now getting around to playing their other rookies. Hey, that's P.A. Mase's kid. Wonder if the ESPN DJ will play some De La Soul if he does something tonight. Feels like the Rams have had eight plays down here. Touchdown, or something.




Welcome back, Vernon Davis. Wait, what? That ball just popped out. Animal Jr.! This game is full of unexpected legacy kids. Mason again. Turns out Austin reversing the reverse ended up being the right move. Touchdown Rams?!?!? Gruden's kicking himself, no pun intended. "Can you believe I cut Phil Dawson?" That's so far down the list that I'm not even going to reference it. These Rams receivers have been open. Where has this been the last five years? McDonald is Tim's son? There's another one. Oh boy. Brandon Lloyd just faked Janoris Jenkins out of his jockstrap. That was brutal coverage.




This may get overturned. These guys can't outrun Kaepernick. The 49ers are finally getting a bit of traction in the running game. Boldin! They keep showing Sam Bradford on the sideline with this look on his face like "Am I gonna have a job next year?" Willis is out, too? Now Ward is out? How many guys can the 49ers lose in one game? The Rams' pass coverage has really fallen off since the Lloyd touchdown. Like, Crabtree just worked that poor kid on that touchdown. I think it's safe to say this game has turned.




McDonald and Davis crashed into each other and cost the 49ers a touchdown. Are the Rams going to stonewall them here? They got the stop? A flag? Now what? After the play?

 


Seriously, look at Fisher's record. A LOT of 8-8's on that ledger. This synonyms discussion started off the rails and only got more disjointed. Is this the same drive? And they only got a field goal? Sad. Yeah, this ain't happening. See? (49ers 31, Rams 17)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. (tie) San Diego (5-1) — Survived the Black Hole
1. (tie) Dallas (5-1) — Officially need to be Dealt With
3. Denver (4-1) — Peyton being Peyton
4. Arizona (4-1) — Playing well despite missing key parts

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — Seriously, what happened?
30. N.Y. Jets (1-5) — Rex's fate seems sealed
31. Jacksonville (0-6) — At least Bortles looks not terrible
32. Oakland (0-5) — That went well

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Sunday, September 14, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Grand Spectacle



Victoria Justice > Ariana Grande. It's true and you know it. SECURE THE FOOTBALL. I see the Seahawks' defense is in midseason form. There's really no good reason for Earl Thomas to be returning punts. That's incomplete all the way - the defender never had possession. Oh, he did run into the punter. OK. Well there's our first Soundgarden bumper of the night. Aaaand that's one of the reasons Earl Thomas returning punts is a bad idea.


The Packers are pleased by this development. Touchdown! Hey, I know you're surprised to see Percy Harvin still on the field, but when he is, try covering him. That play fake was tremendous.


Bobby Wagner's fast because Randall Cobb's really fast. Yeah, that's a penalty. We're tied. Sweet one-handed grab by Miller, who was their highest-paid player last season. (Needless to say, he isn't now.) Oh man, Bulaga's knee AGAIN? BEAST MODE. That wasn't particularly beastly, though. More like Feral Mode. I want to make a Ha Ha Clinton-Dix joke but it'd just be terrible and he's suffered enough already tonight. That snap was... problematic. Was Rodgers trying to call time?
Stop giving away first downs, Packers. You're still rolling out Coach T, NBC? Really? And now the Seahawks start grinding with Lynch. Not the best throw by Rodgers but Nelson needs to catch that. Maxwell played well last year when all their other guys got suspended — that's not surprising at all. How do you confuse a flag and a bean bag? Kevin Williams is still in the league? I'm surprised the Packers are going for this. Cliff Avril's been singlehandedly destroying this Packers offensive line. Then Bennett straight-up murked Sherrod on that safety. The Packers' "amoeba" defense seems pretty sickly. There's Lynch again and we may be done here. Time to see if Federer can hang on.



Packers are doing an awful lot of running here. Hey, that worked. Someone blew up that two-point conversion.



Here's a Derrick Coleman who's easy to root for. NOW we're done here. The Packers have lost about five offensive linemen tonight. Meanwhile, Federer just did to this kid what the Seahawks did to the Packers.


Oh man, he's right. Wilson's not as dynamic as Kaepernick, but it's the same kind of stuff. It really is.
(Seahawks 36, Packers 16)

Signal Finder: JAX @ PHI, NO @ ATL  (end of regulation), BUF @ CHI (OT), SF @ DAL

Catalon, Tasker and Buerelein? This is the CBS equivalent of whenever Chris Myers has to do a game for FOX. Are the Jaguars' two-tone helmets new? They should send them back. Not even close. Ertz! Oh, that's a fumble, isn't it? Someone bit on that play fake, didn't they? Yeah, looks like Allen got caught and the receiver beat Williams to the inside. The tuck rule never made sense. Oh, right, I forgot CBS hired Mike Carey to be their Pereira. Another fumble? Come on, Nick. Throw the ball. Allen Hurns is out here setting records. This feels like the Cardinals are in town. Foles looks confused. Wait, how is THAT A fumble? He was clearly throwing it, I thought. I'd have gone for it here, myself. But that punt was deadly. I mean, obviously nobody scouted this Hurns kid because he wasn't drafted but this is ridiculous. That's a questionable horse-collar call. The fans just saw that replay and now they're really mad.


Hey, something went wrong for the Jaguars! Nice catch by Matthews. And Foles ruins it by throwing an absolutely terrible interception in the end zone.


And Henne's marching the Jags down the field now. This is pathetic. Blocked! Scobee's day is getting worse. Now Mathis is hurt. Then Foles got hit and Sanchez grabbed his helmet but nothing came of it. Now Barbre's going off the field and the injuries are piling up. What is going on? Cyprien's head just bounced off the grass. Oh no not ANOTHER one. Wait, this should get reversed. Why are you punting, Chip?



I see Cowher's taken over Shannon Sharpe's role of making horrible puns during the halftime highlights. That's on Matthews. Go for it, Chip. SPROLES!! That's a career-long touchdown run for him? Weird. Get stops, guys. Good work. ERTZ!! That'll stand. Fletcher almost picked that off. The Jaguars suddenly can't do anything on offense. You know who's been playing consistently well for the Eagles today is the front seven. Knocking down balls, stuffing the run. All right, kid. 51 yards? GOOD. This might get held up because there was no "football move" but it's a good challenge by Chip. That'll stand, and I'm guessing that's the reason. MACLIN!!!! DeSean who? Also, nice coverage.



Henne got GOT. Jags going for it. Not a good throw by Henne. BIG MAN RUMBLE.


That was a long way to get there. And I'm not talking about Fletcher Cox's touchdown. (Eagles 34, Jaguars 17)

As great as Tom Brady is, Miami has not been kind to him. (Dolphins 33, Patriots 20)

Oh, the Saints did re-sign Shayne Graham at some point last week. They cut both their kickers on the final cutdown day and I wouldn't have been too shocked to see them just go without one, because other than Chip, Sean Payton is the closest thing the NFL has to That Dude. This Robinson injury actually helps the Falcons, since it stops the clock without them having to tell someone to. MIKE SMITH CLOCK MANAGEMENT, GUYS. Matt Bryant, yo. COLSTON FUMBLES. Remember, this is the second straight game where he's made a critical mistake at the end of it. Now they're just gonna set up for Bryant again. GOOD. (Falcons 37, Saints 34, OT)

And now, an unrelated aside.




If you're wondering why Bills AT Bears is on FOX, they've relaxed the network/conference borders. Chris Conte's still in the league? How? (Bills 23, Bears 20, OT)


PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Man, JerryWorld is loud for a place where the opposing team just scored. That's a fumble. Look, the Cowboys have lots of offense. That's not up for debate. But the rest of it... The Niners can't afford to be losing corners — the ones they have aren't that great to start with. JESUS. Kap can just DO things, man. And the Cowboys forgot to cover Vernon Davis. ROMO. Cowboys forgot to cover Vernon Davis again. That's actually a nice run by Murray.

Right into, like, quintuple coverage. Then Gore breaks off a 22-yard run through air. I'm not sure how wise this really is with Blaine Gabbert one snap away. Romo at his own 1? This oughta be good. Well, they've made some progress. OH NO. That wasn't going to go well, but my God.




Hey, a Stevie Johnson sighting. Carlos Hyde! Now we got all kinds of chaos. A fumbled interception and a penalty. So no flag, and now let's review the turnover(s). That was kinda quick, actually — not sure how I feel about that.

So which is better: The CFL East or the Big Ten? Discuss. You know things have gone too far south when you summon Pac-12 officials for the second half and it still isn't nearly enough.




(49ers 28, Cowboys 17)

And now, an aside related to the previous unrelated one.




(Steelers 30, Browns 27)

We've got a lot to digest in the new Sunday Night Football intro. Carrie's new and uglier dress, McCoy lip-syncing, Clay crowd surfing... plenty to process there. Hey, positive yards for Richardson! Someone was late? They're not gonna get this off. (And they didn't. Just as well; Vinatieri dinked the goal post anyway.) Not good by Luck — Allen wasn't even open. Well, there were offsetting holdings. Nice throw to Julius Thomas. Wait, ANDRE CALDWELL is Florida's all-time leading receiver? With all the guys Spurrier had (who never panned out in the pros)? That's hard to fathom.
NBC DJ going to break with "Limelight". And who are those guys? Probably could have saved "Get Lucky", though. Yeah, D'Qwell Jackson's not catching that dude in the open field. Oooh, that fumbled punt return could have been big. ANOTHER touchdown for Julius Thomas. Colts getting a drive when they could really use one. He can run, though. Oooh, better review that. That should be a touchdown, I think. Yeah. Al and Cris rightly commending the new centralized replay monitor. There's no reason for a decision that obvious to take three minutes.




And even if it had been, that's still a pretty bad interpretation of the PI rule: Harris turned around and didn't touch Hilton.Colts are going for it here after Nicks just missed the end zone, continuing his pattern from last year. Honestly, Luck's the Colts' best runner so the sneak is fine. It just didn't work.




The Colts got stuffed AGAIN? Maybe try passing? I mean, Trent Richardson can either become Mark Ingram or he can become Laurence Maroney. This is where the road forks. Wait, was he down? Oh, clearly. This shouldn't take long either. Ball! I'd say this one looks over but it's Luck. Richardson isn't even on the field anymore.




He stayed inbounds, right? Broncos aren't making a lot of noise about this one. Yeah, he's clear. Colts get the onside kick? Wait, did that go 10 yards? Oh, it did. OK. I think Bradshaw's just won the starting running back job. Gotta go for it on fourth down now, right? Hilton! Not the best throw by Luck on that interception, either. That Rahim Moore story is wild. The Broncos' punter was doing some acting there.




HAKEEM NICKS HAS SCORED A TOUCHDOWN. STOP THE PRESSES. Don't onside kick this one, Colts. Who's the most famous of these Jones brothers? Arthur, Jon or Chandler? Wow, the Broncos played right into the Colts' hands by throwing the football on both second and third down.
Well, this is it. Denied! Brees has never beaten the Ravens? Weird. (Mentioned because Peyton has now beaten literally everyone.) (Broncos 31, Colts 24)




I see the Giants' defense has yet to arrive as well. It's highly possible that the NFC East will be worse this year than last. Roughing the kicker takes the punter out? That's... not the easiest thing to do. A fade to who? Two straight passes on 1st and goal from the 1? I don't care that it finally worked. That's horrific play calling.




DRC simply cannot stay with Megatron. Just put someone else over there. Jesus, Stafford threw a LASER to Tate through two Giants. And OF COURSE there's a face mask penalty on the center. And then the rookie misses the kick. They should be up 28-0. Bad throw by Eli behind the receiver. Sure, DeAndre Levy, get up and run with it, why not. Wait... that may not have hit the ground. Oh, this'll be CLOSE. I can read Eli's lips, and he's not praying.




Eli's out here doing his best Romo impression. Seriously, the Giants should be dead and buried but the Lions keep missing chances. Hey, DRC made a successful play finally. Stafford was finally like, "Ah, the hell with it. I'll do it myself." And now the Giants are putting together an actual drive. Cover the running backs, Lions. Now the Lions are doing their march. They went for two? Man, that's cold. Call it. (Lions 35, Giants 14)


Kevin Butler's son? We're old, people. That's not an interception. Wait, what are the Cardinals challenging? The graphic and the ref said "challenging the interception" and that's not what happened there. And this is a fumble. Whoa! Where did Eddie Royal even come from? I was sure that was incomplete.





BLOCKED PUNT. When has Carson Palmer ever been so mobile? Did the Cardinals hire the Suns' training staff? I don't know what's going on now. Why's everyone jut standing around? This game has been awful. And Rivers throws another pick but Dilfer (who I intensely dislike for reasons I can't explain) thinks Royal stopped his route. Can't tell from here. Let's jump ahead a bit. We have two "M. Floyd"'s in this game and the Chargers' one just scored a touchdown. I'm surprised Ryan Mathews scored that touchdown in one piece. We've seen the Chargers blow this exact game before, though. Like so. Carson Palmer channeling Steve Young is a little scary. Touchdown! Wait, where's the quarterback? Well that didn't work. Antonio Gates still has it. The Chargers have gotten away with two turnovers on this drive because of Cardinal penalties... and they still couldn't capitalize.




Hey, a Larry Fitzgerald sighting! I'm legitimately impressed by how much better Michael Floyd has been that I thought he'd be. The Cardinals just took the lead! Rivers badly rushed that third-down pass. Delay of game? That's a Cardinals move. Oh, they got the time out. OK. Aaand it still doesn't matter. (Cardinals 18, Chargers 17)



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Sunday, December 8, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: Closer Calls

So. How long before this gets banned? (I'm kidding. Mostly.)


I mean, at least now we know how the Falcons won the "only one team is getting a new stadium within the Atlanta city limits" battle. Though after this season, they may be rethinking their choice. Also, there was no non-gambling-related reason whatsoever for Mike Smith to decide to kick that field goal. (Saints 17, Falcons 13)


Glad you asked, Mike!

Signal Finder: NYJ @ BAL, CAR @ MIA, SD @ KC (end), MIN @ GB (end), DAL @ NYG

The Ravens are busting out Tyrod Taylor? Someone's desperate. See, I'd put him in the backfield if I were going to do this because nobody's buying Flacco split out wide. Whoa that's a late flag. And they're picking it up, as they should. That's an ugly throw under pressure by Flacco but Clark caught it. Look at it flopping up there. That's a face mask. And that's the worst hold ever, so you know it ended with a sack. The snap hit the guy in motion? That's a brand new one. And then the Ravens screw up and Flacco throws an interception right to Cromartie. Jets didn't tackle all that well on the big Dickson catch and run.

Geno looks lost out there and the Jets are disorganized. How do you need to call a time out after a challenge? WHAT IS THIS CALL. Sideline interference with the officials or something like that? Great flashback to the Jets coach tripping the Dolphins player on the sideline. Rex burning another timeout? It occurs to me that the Jets still need better offensive players. Well that's just fantastic. Of course, Dierdorf has a point — that's about where a punt would have landed, and why not take a shot deep? Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Reed in 2013. On benching Geno: If Matt Simms is your alternative, you don't have an alternative.

This is sad to watch. And after that second Graham interception, it doesn't really matter. (Ravens 19, Jets 3)

The Ted Ginn Jr. Revenge Road Tour continues. Cam's already getting hammered. An interception leads to a blocked field goal that hits a guy in the head? That's quite the inauspicious start. grabs old dishrag and Pledge I'M MIKE WALLACE! These dives for first downs are always questionable. The Dolphins had what seemed like 10 minutes to decide to challenge or no. Reversed! Challenging this Wallace catch, however, is bad.


Is the key to Ryan Tannehill to make him start at his own 2 all the time? Then he faked two guys with that hard count. Oh God... I don't think anyone saw those two Panthers players, including Tannehill and the two Panthers themselves. Nice interception to turn the tide again. So was LaFell open or not? I think he was when Cam saw him. And unnecessary roughness on top of it? How have the Dolphins not scored yet? That... that's close. The problem I'm having is these replay angles aren't the greatest and it's hard for me to see where Kuechly hits him exactly. What is the Panthers' plan on this drive? Imitating the Bengals at the end of last week's game? That was dramatic and surprising after the malaise they were in earlier. I'm stunned they got three points out of that. Jonathan Stewart's still alive? Cam did that with ease. Tannehill's all, "Hey, I can run too, you know." And that's pretty much all the yards the Dolphins got there. That field goal attempt looked bad from the jump. I've said this before but I hate these overly complicated catch rules. The Panthers are killing themselves with penalties — they've lost several big plays because of flags. They also need to go down the field. These screens and swing routes aren't working. STEVE SMITH LIVES. That personal foul didn't help the Dolphins. Remind anyone of Bucs-Jets? Tolbert twice! He didn't get in on that second one, though. Touchdown! Wallace almost catching that last deep pass is his year in a nutshell. Throw it, Tannehill! Oh, well. (Panthers 20, Dolphins 16)


Meanwhile, the Chiefs' pass rush is in the trainer's room. I was not expecting a pointsplosion in this game. Who said the Chiefs couldn't keep up in a shootout?

Is Danny Woodhead going to win this game by himself? That's twice he's been wide open in a row. Ajira-WHO? And that's a touchdown.

Worst possible time for Smith to take a sack. Sing the song? (Chargers 41, Chiefs 38)

Wait... are the Buccaneers trying to save Schiano's job? And if so, why? (Buccaneers 24, Lions 21)

Is Matt Flynn playing hero again?!? That's a pretty blatant hold on Nelson.

And now the Packers' defense is getting gashed not just by AD, but by Toby Gerhart? Is this happening? OMG Patterson just dropped the game-winner. Also worth noting: the Vikings have taken about seven minutes off the clock. We're tied again. Two minutes left and a tie is absolutely in play here. Now the Packers are crippling themselves with penalties. That incompletion may have been the best outcome. A five-yard out? And now the Packers HAVE to punt. ONE SECOND. See, I'd have thrown it up and hoped for a flag. That's amazing. Nobody wants to win the NFC North, either.


LEAVE DONOVAN ALONE. (Vikings 26, Packers 26, OT)

Can we exercise the nuclear option on Cowboys-Giants? When's the last time we had two ties in one day? Don't really like that PI call on Claiborne. Just now seeing the replay of the Cruz fumble and that's pretty funny stuff. Randle's a decent actor. Nice pass, Romo. And apparently McBride's trying to piss Dez off and get him off his game. We'll have to watch that. BREAKING: These teams aren't very good. Andre Brown goes out of bounds on a 2nd and 26 or whatever. He just did it again? You've got a defensive back in front of you! TRUCK HIM. And as Aikman said, why are they throwing it to him in the first place? LOL @ "Overtime non-thriller". I don't understand anything right now. Huh? Why are the Giants going for it?


Oh. Well that makes sense even if they didn't get it. Neither team is inspiring or scaring me during this game. That's about what happened in 49ers-Saints last week — one of those deals where the rules may suck, but you have to follow them. Still, Coughlin's going to have a heart attack. Is he trying to get thrown out? This isn't baseball. That's a hit out of bounds on Rolle. There's a lot of anger in this building right now. Five guys were standing around Witten and not one moved toward him. Like Romo was throwing to anyone else in that spot. Good job, G-men. NOBODY TOUCHED MYERS?!?! YOUR 2013 NFC EAST, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.


And what was THAT?


A tie is still in play, people. Have I mentioned the anger in this building? The Giants just doubled their rushing total for the year. Are we... WE HAVE A TIE.


That seemed like it took forever. Now let's see if the Giants can get a stop. Apparently not. Bailey better miss this. Oh well. crosses off Giants for a second time (Cowboys 24, Giants 21)


I have no idea what city that is. It's not Boston OR Foxborough. Would Franklin be watching the Grey Cup if he wasn't working tonight? I'd like to think so. Well, we won't see Ridley for the rest of the half. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Yes, I know the Patriots just fumbled. THEY FUMBLED AGAIN.And that's another Broncos touchdown. Who needs Peyton Manning, anyway? ANOTHER one? This is madness.

And this one will stand... but the return won't. Dude, we didn't need to know what hashmark it's gonna be on. Who you gonna bench now, Belichick? Now the play clock's frozen, and it may actually be frozen, like, temperature-wise. At least they held them to a field goal. Wait, didn't they already shut the play — oh, now the GAME clock's stopped working? THE TIME LORDS HAVE COME TO DESTROY US ALL. Let's also point out that Edelman mishandled that punt twice and got away with it, and how Brady was lucky to recover the fumble after that sack two plays later.


Vereen just dropped big yardage. Demariyus Thomas also just dropped big yardage. The Pats gave up a screen for a first on 3rd and 20? What's going ON down there? Collinsworth talking about the Pats trying to take away Thomas and Welker should make Eric Decker feel slighted. Or Jacob Tamme. (Or even Andre Caldwell.) It's weird hearing and seeing people invoke the 49ers game from two years ago when talking about Patriots deficits — I keep coming back to that one playoff game against the Ravens when it was 14-0 after about two minutes. (The Patriots lost.) DRC just racked himself diving for that Hail Mary. "Belichick: WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WELL." That's the first time we've seen Gronk aside from getting blocked off the screen on the Von Miller touchdown in the first quarter. I don't think that Edelman catch is worth a challenge. That touchdown is exactly what the Pats needed. Now the Broncos are coughing it up? These things turn fast, man. Welker getting lustily booed after that first down catch. How do you run a clip of Peyton on SNL that isn't the United Way sketch? Covering Edelman is recommended. Uh-oh. UH-OH. That pass died in the air and Ryan cut the route off. UH. OH.


Yeah, that's holding. It also just occured to me that we've barely called Demariyus tonight. And he's made two big catches since then. Peyton's made a couple strong throws — the one to Tamme on 3rd and 5 looked like it was picked. Thomas just beat Talib to tie the game.

Also, when did Quentin Jammer join the Broncos? No wonder the Chargers are so bad against the pass this year... they lost all their cornerbacks. Now Welker's back to return this punt for the first time in who knows how long. That odd floater. That's a good punt. Overtime. Wait, Brady's not one of the captains? That's weird. I'm... not sure why the Patriots aren't taking the ball first here.

Although with the new rules, maybe it changes things. Holy crap Moreno's closing in on 200? Broncos stay pulling running backs out of nowhere. Where was... oh, Decker set a pick. OK. Another good punt. Why are the Pats going to an ice-cold Bolden here? Damn, Brady's about to kill somebody. Probably should have been called, but still. Al: "There's your fertilizer chant again." For a 31-31 game we've had some fine punting. Another nice run for Moreno before he limps off.

Talib's down too? Have we seen Montee Ball since his fumble? And on cue, this Anderson kid almost scuttles it. Now I'm with Collinsworth — go downfield. Not digging all of this running now. And this is why... you've failed to take advantage of a suddenly obvious weakness and now you've forced yourself into a decision where none of the choices are all that appealing. Well, the Broncos got the stop they wanted. OH MY GOD NO. Seriously, when's the last time Welker returned punts on the regular? I wouldn't even run a play here. Kick it and get the hell out. The Broncos have their back up quarterback, who's 6-foot-8, in on the field goal defense. Well that ending SUCKED. (Patriots 34, Broncos 31, OT)



The sophomore slump is real. Very real. Oh, Manningham's back? That'll help. Well, eventually, I mean. I see the "find Boldin at all costs" plan is still in effect and working successfully. That play fake fooled no one. Aldon Smith could have just stood there and he would have busted that play up. The horrible throw and interception were just bonuses. Deep throws to Vernon Davis will be there all night long. That speed field goal was done rather well, actually. Really, the only thing that has been for the Redskins tonight, if we're being honest. Griffin is... uncomfortable... after that latest hit. That ain't the midsection, Tirico.


Wait, there was a disputed catch there? That three-and-out — particularly, the things that happened on it — are the Redskins' season in a nutshell. They're going for it? OK, scratch that last thought... that four-and-out is the Redskins' season in a nutshell. Oh man, I'm just seeing what actually happened to Griffin and that was some Suh shit.


You're not going to stop Boldin by trying to take him out. The Redskins have hitting safeties in a coverage league. How did Kaepernick find that opening? Oh, OK, I thought it was a tighter hole than it was. Still, though. The Shanahans are gonna get this kid killed


That's a good punt return. That's a spectacular play fake. No one spotted McDonald until he was 20 yards downfield. There's that .C. efense at work. (See what I did there?) I'm serious: you really have to start asking questions about Shanahan if this continues. The guy's 48-70 since 2006. Meanwhile the 49ers have three backs who can help any team in the league and Marcus Lattimore essentially redshirting. It's a good deal for him, too — rehab at the best facilities with top-level training staff. Seriously, there's a scenario where Chip Kelly is the longest-tenured coach in the NFC East next year.


Meanwhile, Aldon Smith just sacked RGIII again. No, I'm not kidding. There's another sack. There are so many things going wrong here I can't even describe or explain them all.




Why call time out? Why prolong this misery? (49ers 27, Redskins 6)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (10-1) — Top of the map... and the rankings
2. Denver (9-2) — An unfortunate stumble
3. New England (8-3) — Wait, what?
4. New Orleans (9-2) — Kicking dirt on the grave

BOTTOM 4:
29. Atlanta (2-9) — The embarrassments pile up
30. Minnesota (2-8-1) — Seriously, people?
31. Jacksonville (2-9) — Transitive property
32. Houston (2-9) — Weren't they 2-0 at one point?
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Friday, November 29, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Out In the Wash

Man, the Colts start things as effectively as I do. How are you gonna let Ryan Fitzpatrick do you like that? Did dude just headbutt the guy whose helmet got knocked off? He's getting thrown out, right? He's not? Seriously? The thing is, the Trent Richardson trade wasn't supposed to make Donald Brown the Colts' best running back. The Titans' special teams have been rather sad at the most inopportune times tonight. Like that onside kick, for instance. Giddyup. (Colts 30, Titans 27)

Signal Finder: WAS @ PHI, SD @ MIA, DET @ PIT (end), GB @ NYG



Everything went wrong on that long ball to Cooper. This is why you don't lead with your helmet. Well that amounted to nothing. Whoa, Griffin actually slid. They're saying he accidentally caught Chung in the mouth when he slid. How does that even happen? What does John Lynch know about Jamel Holoway? Eagles have been mostly running free so far against this defense. McCoy! Ryan Kerrigan's good but he can't cover him. Foles with a spin move?


A screen to the tight end? Who does that? This'll probably be ruled down at the 2 or so but Celek ran through about six guys. You dream of holes that big when you're one yard out. THAT is how you tackle someone. The entire Redskins defense should be taking notes. Now Griffin's gone into, "Well, looks like I'll have to do this all myself" mode. He's doing some good things on this drive. That's not one of them. Couple bad penalties to start, though I'm sure Meriwether did something to deserve being yapped at. This Eagles offense is good and this Redskins defense is bad. Ouch. Fletcher just crushed Foles. Oh THAT'S not good. Well, they got three out of it. This... isn't a fumble. Or at least it shouldn't be. Hey, another sack by Cole! Also holding, which is just funny. Oh good, Shady's back. Refs missed a facemask on Jackson (who Peters committed his on) plus Kerrigan was offside. Still, Eagles have been getting open all day. That drive took 5:19? That's an eternity. Why are the Redskins running the ball down 24-0? Someone pulled 2008 Trent Cole into the future. Good job by Erin Andrews here calling on her familiarity with Chip to talk about his philosophy. Things are slowing down now. How does the fullback get that open? And Cole and Chung banged helmets. This game feels like it should be closer to ending than it actually is. Why are the Redskins letting the play clock run down? And they're running the ball too? Really? WHAT. That looked like it was covered and the receiver came back and got it.


Foles is short. Kick this. That's a big-time punt. This returner doesn't have much confidence to let it go like that. Big third-down catch by Moss. Get your hand off his face mask. I think it's telling that every time I see Cary Williams involved in some weirdness down the field, I assume he's responsible for something bad happening when it probably hasn't been all his fault all the time. Carmichael slipped for a moment on that 3rd down pass to Moss. No! Wait, where was there even a hold? This is becoming ridiculous. BRANDON BOYKIN HAS SAVED US ALL. That was WAY too close. (Eagles 24, Redskins 16)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That:




And the way things have gone for these two teams, I'm not sure the game would have been much better under non-life-threatening conditions. (Bears 23, Ravens 20, OT)

How do you let Stafford get a first down running? The Lions needed this game. Good win for the Steelers but I fear it's too late. (Steelers 37, Lions 27)

Meanwhile, everyone in Miami's throwing interceptions. It seems like the Dolphins host a lot of 4 o'clock games that aren't part of doubleheader Sundays. Can't let Gates run free down at the goal line. Yeah, that's roughing. Two full steps AFTER the ball's gone? The good thing for the Dolphins is it negated a terrible fumble by Hartline at about the 1. Thomas went airborne to score there. You don't see that much anymore. Both teams need to win this game but neither one seems to want to. This will come back because I'm pretty sure Rivers was past the line of scrimmage. Yeah, that wasn't close. Where'd the Dolphins find this Clay guy? Really useful player. That pocket just fell apart on Rivers. Also, no one was open. I almost think they should try a field goal here, or maybe even run a fake.  Dolphins called time out for no apparent reason after Rivers spiked it. The second one made sense because you gotta have 11 men out there. KNOCK IT DOWN! SOMEBODY DID FOR ONCE. PRAISE BE. (Dolphins 20, Chargers 16)


That's not good punt coverage. This has been the Giants' best drive in about a month. The Packers' pass defense looks like the Redskins'. Now Eli's throwing up some high balls. I see Clay Matthews is club-less this week. Whoa. Let's not forget, though: Tolzien moved the ball against the Eagles last week but the Packers missed two field goals and threw an interception in the end zone. The other thing that's cost Hakeem Nicks money this season is Reuben Randle's emergence.


Nice diving pick by Williams to end this Giants drive. Jon Beason had basically lost his job in Carolina and that's why he was available in the first place — he's helped them solely by being their first mostly competent linebacker since Antonio Pierce. Holy hell Mason Crosby. Where'd he pull that from? Not sure where Tolzien was going with that pass that Beason intercepted.
The Packers just ran a fake punt that almost worked. This is like the Foles run that came up just short.


Brandon Jacobs still being a viable NFL player in 2013 concerns me. Oh, look, the Giants got beaten deep again. And Lacy puts the Packers right back in this game. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. That was like the interception version of the Clowney hit against Michigan. Don't like the Packers punting here. And that Rolle pick will end it. Don't look now, but... oh, let's not kid ourselves. Don't actually look now. Stop with these delusions. (Giants 27, Packers 13)


What's hilarious to me is everyone complaining about the call when Brees got clotheslined (which was borderline at full speed) when it was Sproles getting run over on the fair catch that actually decided this game. (Saints 23, 49ers 20)

Did we ever get a halfway decent explanation as to why Kubiak pulled Keenum that wasn't either "he's trying to get fired" or "he's shaving points"? And about the Schaub-Johnson dust-up: Schaub made a bad throw into traffic and Johnson short-armed it. So they're both to blame. (Raiders 28, Texans 23)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Roy Ellison; 2. Clete Blakeman; 3. Tony Corrente.

"Just a Job To Do" by Genesis? Solid deep cut.



PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Quentin Jammer's on the Broncos? When did this happen? Bowe had to turn around for that one.




Later, Smith tried to hit Bowe on that sideline pattern that Demariyus had already beaten them twice on. The flag gives them another shot and Charles gets loose. Knile Davis is getting a little too much run here for my taste. I'm stunned Andy hasn't called a pass play here. You're not beating the Broncos with field goals, sir. This also allows Peyton to march down the field without a care in the world. Demps just missed a pick-six. Prater missed? That's a bad sack. How do neither McCluster or Charles think to get out of bounds? Defensive holding? Collinsworth just said what I was thinking. But if the Chiefs decline the penalty, wouldn't the half end?

TY sir. Von Miller going down is problematic but as they're showing, Fisher (who hasn't been good this year) has handled him to this point. I'm actually more surprised than I probably should be that we've gone this long without anyone scoring. Hey, a Brad Childress sighting. Spread Game Analyst/Special Projects? What does that even mean? Does the spread game need its own analyst? Is this college?

Andy's mad about something but I think Woodyard was within five yards. Uh-oh, Decker got free. First we've seen of him tonight. And Ball scores again. Oh, that's a rather obvious hold that explains how Smith was able to escape the pocket the second time. Lot of Broncos getting banged up tonight. Wait... what are the Chiefs doing?

And Collinsworth calls that a successful drive. Whatever, man. Reid challenging that would have been some kind of exacta. Seriously, guys? Fox would never go for it here. That said, it almost doesn't matter — the Chiefs aren't scoring 14 points in seven minutes. Feels like they're not moving quickly enough. Is this worth a challenge? APPARENTLY IT IS.


All that and they kicked it deep? I don't agree with that, either. This is a critical spot, and now a critical challenge. And that one goes to the Broncos, and likely so does this game. Wouldn't "touchdown, touchdown" be most preferable? And how did McCluster catch that? (Seriously, every time situations like this come up, the announcers always talk in terms of tying the game instead of winning it. Bugs the crap out of me. Didn't they listen to Herman Edwards?) If I'm the Broncos I don't want that to be an interception. This is what we expected, right?

I mean, not that part, but the rest of it, right? (Broncos 27, Chiefs 17)


This was quite the sequence: Tirico: "...Tom Brady." Patriots: walk out Crowd: "BOOOOOOO!!!!!" Remember a month ago when this matchup looked like an utter disaster? These graphics though. The Shane Vereen Show to start? They're not booing; they're saying "Luuuuuuuke." And that guy is why Jon Beason's now a Giant. Steve Smith! RULES AND REGULATIONS. Gruden having flashbacks was amusing. DO NOT FIGHT STEVE SMITH. Seriously, you knew that was getting ugly when Talib wouldn't let go. CAM IS SPLIT OUT WIDE. Smith's got Talib shook. Hey, Lafell actually caught it! Man, Belichick's doghouse is filling up quick. We're all talking about Ron Rivera pulling himself out of the bottomless pit, but this is easily Mike Shula's (Carolina offensive coordinator) best-ever coaching job. Talib is all kinds of twisted up right now.

Also worth noting: The Panthers start a cornerback whose given name is "Captain." Carry on.

Cam just ran for 25 yards. Hey, there's Gronk. (It's the two minute warning, BTW.) Quintin Mikell's still alive? Apropos of nothing, but I just learned that Michael Bolton is flat broke. Tolbert should never run outside the tackle box but that somehow worked. Talib was about five yards away from Smith on that one. Olson! And the Panthers regain the lead. I guess Ridley got pardoned. And that makes it official. That completion streak almost got broken up in a bad way. Two Rutgers guys defending that pass? I'm honestly surprised the Patriots haven't run the ball more this season — maybe Vereen's injury hampered that somewhat, but that's clearly their strength. And of course they go away from it and Brady throws it to nobody, saving four points for Carolina. (Nobody wants to talk about how Belichick has slipped over the last five years.) On the flip side, the Panthers should probably start going downfield even though they've been searching for a second receiver since Cam got there. It may ultimately have to be Olsen. Olsen and McCourty trying to get the same holding call was  hilarious, and the refs got it right. Damn, Talib's not even on the field?


THE ORIGINAL SPEED STRIKES AGAIN!! These teams have been here before. And Brady finds Gronk on fourth down. Unbelievable. Not over yet. That one was off Vereen's hands but Kuechly was right there. Oh, that was his hand they were showing earlier. Two chances here for the Patriots. Now one. OK, I don't know how they got that sideline route SO quickly. Still one more chance. INTER- oh, no. No, not... NO FOUL?! Brady's pissed. And why is this ref letting Ryan Mallett give him lip? He should eject him on general principle. Hey, ESPN's actually using Gerry Austin! They ruled it uncatchable. How, exactly? And now we're seeing why ESPN doesn't use Gerry Austin — he couldn't be more wrong about this.


(Panthers 24, Patriots 20)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (9-1) — Now we're learning things
2. Seattle (10-1) — Powering up for the stretch run
3. Kansas City (9-1) — Had their chances
4. New Orleans (8-2) — Sliding back into the picture


BOTTOM 4:
29. Houston (2-8) — It's all fallen apart
30. Minnesota (2-8) — I am Percy Harvin's spiteful revenge
31. Tampa Bay (2-8) — Didn't see that demolition coming
32. Jacksonville (1-9) — Back to normal

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