Showing posts with label recap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recap. Show all posts

Saturday, November 8, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Shift Left

So no one's going to score from the opponent's territory? Got it. Brees just fumbled off his own dude. Then the refs are looking for the ball and the Carolina guy's sitting there holding it up. I feel like Kelvin Benjamin's been a top-3 rookie this season. Maybe it's just because I've seen him so much already.



Feel free to lose the CBS portion of your graphics, NFL Network — that little dance ended last week. Dangerous throw by Newton. Still nothing. That was just a straight run by Newton. Why is that guy out on a pass pattern? It went right off his hands. I guess he's not used to having the ball come straight at him. Ben Watson's still alive? Cam almost threw another pick.




Hey, Jerry Richardson playing footage. Another fumble? Of course, now Cam's got it but they call it Saints ball. Yeah, there it is on the third replay — Curtis Lofton comes in at the very end and grabs it, it looks like. Ingram! Nantz and Simms are spending an awful lot of time on this clock issue that's going to be completely irrelevant. See? Let's look at this. Yeah that's interference. Graham! The Saints are hoping he's back. Cam is painfully inaccurate tonight. For some reason Olsen stopped and didn't put down a block or Cam probably would have scored. So we'll be looking at this, then. Yeah, that'll count. Not this time, Ingram. Or this one, either. Brees got it over. Crowd is MAD. Knee's down. This'll come back. And that ended up being a big reversal.


Graham abused everybody on this drive. I think he's recovered. And Ingram seals it. (Saints 28, Panthers 10)

 Signal Finder: PHI @ HOU, SD @ MIA, NYJ @ KC (end), WSH @ MIN (end), DEN @ NE


Cha-CHING. Wasn't that the same pattern as last week? Sacks on top of sacks. Moose just jinxed Foles. And good job not even trying to tackle him, rest of the offense. The Eagles' offensive line isn't playing great right now. And Foles might be legit hurt — he's going to the locker room. When did Brandon Graham stop sucking again? Jesus, this punt. Lechler may still be the best in that business. It's Sanchize time. NO REST FOR THE WEARY. Wait, what did Maclin even do there? Remember, Sanchez played well in preseason — it's not like he doesn't know the plays. Touchdown to Matthews and that's good placement.







That one was too high. Huff's only like 5-9. Fitzpatrick had tons of time and Foster sold the false route well. I mean the Eagles' offense has moved the ball despite the O-line's struggles. Chip's going for it? Hey, it worked! Jesus, Watt somehow came completely free. That shouldn't happen ever. The second kick was better than the first. Another high snap. And the handoff to McCoy was high, too. Sanchez got lucky on that one. Oh, God, not again. Fletcher completely lost Hopkins. He's running in the other direction.

Field goal is... no good? I think Chip didn't expect the running game to do as well as it has. Hey, a rushing touchdown. Can we get LeSean some of those? Foster is limping and pissed off. Sanchez has no idea what happened.


That's the second time Hopkins has come across the field and no one's covered him. OH COME ON. Ryans intercepts the pass, them fumbles it? There's no way that's a good sign. And now he's hurt. Hopkins and turnovers are the only reason the Texans are still in this game. Sure, run the ball, why not. The Texans can't stop it. Sanchez can't slide, either. Mercilus left with an injury earlier, and a lot of guys have gone off injured in this game. Chip's going for it again, seemingly showing more confidence in his short-yardage game than he has earlier in this season at times. I think Polk got it. BOB is challenging the spot and that's always dicey. Let's not be losing yards here. Maclin? Maclin! I wasn't sure until the replay that it was a clean catch but it was.


And that will seal that deal. Oh, apparently they run Houston. That's worth something, I guess. (Eagles 31, Texans 21)

Good Lord, what is happening in Miami? I mean, Tannehill is carving the Chargers up. This is unbelievable. Now it's 30-0. Not sure why we haven't been switched to Jaguars-Bengals yet. Does it have to get to the fourth quarter first? Oh, never mind. Wait... Jets-Chiefs? (Dolphins 37, Chargers 0)


And we switch just in time to see Vick get hurt and MATT SIMMS start warming up (because Geno hurt his shoulder in addition to being benched.) This is going about as well as you'd expect. Why/How is Vick back in? P.S. The Chiefs have rebounded nicely and are one or two wins away from becoming a factor again. (Chiefs 24, Jets 10)

Watching the CBS crew between games. First of all, why aren't they showing Jags-Bengals? Second, why would anyone think Brandon Weeden would be good today? He hasn't been good since college.

Why didn't Griffin run for it? (Vikings 29, Redskins 26)

"Phil, some final thoughts." "Well, Jim, I just hope my son's chest didn't get caved in on that blitz earlier." That's the story of Brandon LaFell's life, right there.


Yeah, but you're gonna need touchdowns, Phil. That ball hit the ground. That's probably pass interference. I mean, it's close. And why IS the Peyton-Brady game always in Foxboro(ugh)? The only regular season meeting I remember that wasn't here was in Indy the year Brady was hurt. Oh, wait, there was another one. The one where Belichick blew that 4th and 1 play and the Colts won on a last-minute Peyton drive. Simms thinks Ninkovich changed direction on Peyton — something clearly happened because he was the closest guy to that pass. The Broncos aren't even pretending they can stop Gronk. And that was before the holding penalty. HOW did Edelman catch that?
Wow. The Broncos punter drops the snap (and got lucky to even get it off) and Edelman brings it back to the house.


Hey, Sanders is back in the game. "Nobody gets outside to contain Peyton Manning" was a sentence that was just unironically uttered.


That's always a jarring sound when the ball bounces off an upright. They got that back pretty quickly. Good job. Are the Broncos going for it on 4th and 6? Well, he just missed from 41 and I've already said that field goals aren't going to win this game. Well, that was the worst possible outcome.


Now the Patriots are running the two-minute drill to near perfection. Edelman AGAIN. Look, we've all seen the Broncos' offense but this feels like it's over. Oh, hang on a second... that ball hit the ground? It sure did. Let's try again. Doesn't matter. That's a clean pick. Julius! We may have something here. MAY. Belichick somewhat curiously calls a middle screen on 4th and 5 from the Broncos' 37 and Vereen bails him out, if only temporarily. Welker got popped. He used to catch those.




Interdeflection. And the Patriots score IMMEDIATELY. That might be it. The Pats are giving Ronnie Hillman zero respect. He's getting pounded out there. Sometimes legally. Good Lord that Gronk one-handed catch.




I'd say Belichick's getting ornery in his old age but let's be honest with ourselves. Some things never actually change. (Patriots 43, Broncos 21)

 This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Seahawks 30, Raiders 24. The mystique is gone, man. Gone.

I'm ready for someone to die. This Steelers-Ravens on Sunday night montage is fantastic. Lots of punting and disillusionment so far. Jacoby Jones is still not bad at that particular thing.




He sure did. Something tells me Ben won't be throwing for 522 tonight. That screen to Steve Smith was... suboptimal. I mean, Polamalu had him lined up for a beatdown but still. I would not have picked Ben to be the guy with two 500-yard games. I know Aguilera's from Pittsburgh, but "Genie In A Bottle"? Yeesh. Was that three sacks in a row? Good Lord. Someone needs to be cut in-game for that.




That's a fumble. Wait, that happened to Ben before? The EAGLES did it? If it's the game I'm thinking of, that was just a weird game all around. Three flags on one play? All Harbaugh can say is "Wow."




Yeah, call some runs, take a load off. Whoa. Normally you don't see backs make catches like that. Wait. James Harrison just did a thing? In 2014? Is this the first Steelers game Collinsworth has seen this year? They run Archer out of the backfield all the time. And Bryant is SAFE. Collinsworth speaking truth about Steve Smith there. I have no trouble believing he outwrestles Terrell Suggs. None whatsoever. Oh man, Harrison got hurt in that pileup? And now it's 4th and 1. Flacco sneak works! Hey, a "Wind Direction" graphic. Stay innovating, SNF. I mean, Tucker's not missing this. Wheaton just beat that dude like a drum. Bad snap on the extra point... and the holder throws for two!




How is that not good unless he wasn't on the edge? Now it's getting chippy.
What are they looking at here? His knee wasn't down and that's clearly a forward pass.
That's a borderline dirty play by Suggs there on a guy who's been stopped by forward progress. And things are starting to get ugly. Are the refs handing out warnings? Sure seems like it. How did Suggs not get tossed for going over to the Steelers bench? EVERYBODY CALM DOWN.




Ben threw a strike to Brown, who ran across the field for the touchdown and that might do it. OR NOT. Remember when I said earlier that Jones was still kind of good at that? Nice hit by Ben to Bryant. OK. THAT should do it. Look, you can't both have it. Throwing it on 4th and 2 with a 12-point lead and two minutes left? That is some world-class trolling, Steelers. World. Class. (Steelers 43, Ravens 23)

That was a long way to go for no payoff, McConaghey. And how is he a Redskins fan from Texas? How did he stay alive? Chris Botti! An instrumental guy I've heard of! Eli scrambled up in the pocket and threw it to absolutely no one. It's really been a year and a half since the Giants have scored an opening drive touchdown? That seems impossible.




Coughlin was talking today or yesterday about how Luck just doesn't get sacked. Luck did what Eli just isn't capable of. 3rd and 15? Sure, run Peyton Hillis.




The Giants are determined to make life hard for Luck in the pocket. Lot of angry people going after that ball. Whelan ran right into his own man. Also "Griff Whelan" sounds like a lax bro. The Colts beat the replay flag! And nobody was anywhere near Fleener. Hillis? Hillis! And it ends in sadness. The Giants just don't have a good enough roster. Now Prince is out? DRC was already slowed by a bunch of things. Fleener? No. The officials discussed that and got it right that he was out of bounds. Now JPP's walking off? They're gonna have to get Strahan a uniform at this rate. You know who might not be all that good is Julius Randle. He just flat dropped that one.




The Giants haven't been bad defensively. And then... it appears whatever ails the receivers is contagious. I'm sure Steve Weatherford's loose. Holy hell T.Y. Hilton. DRC just got owned. Nice move, rook. Well that changes things. That's not grounding. Reggie Wayne's still got it, somewhat. Was that a fumble? I guess so. The Giants' defense seems to have been worn down... they're not getting enough help from the offense.




NOBODY covered Dwayne Allen. Fantastic play fake. This one seems finished. Ah geez, Richburg. Eli has the best hands on the Giants tonight. And that one didn't even count. (Colts 40, Giants 24)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Arizona (7-1) — Cardinals rising?
2. New England (7-2) — Holding the fort

3. Denver (6-2) — A predictable hiccup
4. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Late '70's version redux

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-7) — Pulling off that last drive was just too much to ask
30. Jacksonville (1-8) — At least Denard Robinson's doing well
31. N.Y. Jets (1-8) — So long, Rex
32. Oakland (0-8) — Put up a fight, at least
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Sunday, November 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Same Old, Same Old

I feel like we've been here before. Did Montee Ball get hurt and I don't remember it?




That was... ill-advised. Especially since Rivers hasn't missed many yet. Gates! Keenan Allen scored a touchdown! Stop the presses! This is an interesting call. Carey says fumble... and the on-field refs disagree. Oh well. That was damn near picked off. Jeez, make it any easier, why don't you. I don't know what they're looking at — that's a clean interception. I can read Philip Rivers  lips, and he is not praying. These audibles look panicked, Touchdown Broncos!  Or not? Good spot by either Nantz or whoever saw that. That was a quick review. Sanders again? Comparisons to Eric Decker (who he effectively replaced) keep popping up. The Other Brandon Marshall's been having a real hot stretch.
Floyd caught that! Wow. Allen needs longer cleats. That's at least the second time he's slipped. Good thing they picked that flag up or there would have been two questionable pass interference calls in the end zone on the same drive. Gates again! That felt like it took 36 plays. Don't run it out, Weddle. Jeez. And someone held anyway so it doesn't even count. This feels over — not that it matters but the Chargers have had no running game tonight. Until now, of course. GATES. They missed the field goal? Man, Rivers. Floyd was never open. Go somewhere else next time.




I think we can safely wrap this up. (Broncos 35, Chargers 21)


Tally-ho or something.

Really, any decision Ryan made at that point would have been a bad one — he just happened to choose the worst one. I mean, that was right out of the Book of Favre. On top of that, the Falcons have fumbled about eight times and somehow not lost a single one that I'm aware of. Lot of guys on this Lions offense you've never heard of. Theo Riddick? The Falcons aren't as close as they think they are. They still need about 10 more yards for a reasonable field goal attempt. And they get zero more yards. Splendid. Good punt, though. And in two plays the Lions are in Falcons territory. They're going to blow this, aren't they? DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Well, here we go. Seriously? He MISSED it? Oh, delay of game, which strangely helps the Lions here. And how does that even happen with the clock stopped? Also the snap was bad but really? IT'S GOOD. THE LIONS MADE A FIELD GOAL.




(Lions 22, Falcons 21)

 Signal Finder: SEA @ CAR, BAL @ CIN (end), PHI @ AZ

The Bears' defense has two good players on it, one of which blew out his knee celebrating a sack while down by 25 points. You can blame Jay Cutler for a lot of things, but this game is not one of them. (Patriots 51, Bears 23)


Newton didn't get that. And the spot is closer than I thought he got. They're going for it and I assume it's a Newton sneak. Yep and it's good. Benjamin needs to catch that. That goal-line sequence was... unproductive. What is Thomas Davis doing? Stop running! That was so obviously a pass. A bounce pass, but still a pass. This isn't a good idea either. And yet it worked! Bad snap, the line breaks down, and Newton still gets the first down. That fumble ruins another good Panthers drive. Fouts said it: Neither guy wanted to take the football. Here come the Seahawks? This is why getting so little out of those earlier drives hurts, especially against a team that's reeling. No one was anywhere near Kearse. Lynch lost yardage on that pass. Interception? Interception! Lynch has to catch that. Is he tanking? There have been some dumb turnovers in this game and that's another one.




Wilson just threw a knuckleball that was almost caught. Willson didn't catch that? Oh, Kuechly hit him and knocked the ball out. Lynch has been the worst of Seattle's running backs today — Turbin's completely outplayed him in every aspect. That's another blown quarterback-running back exchange. And that's a bad snap and it's Panthers ball. This game has been terrible. Sherman was back on the punt return? That's some desperation right there. Man, a safety deciding this would have been SO appropriate. BENJAMIN!! And yet again no one can get into the end zone. Russ has this look on his face like "I'm going to have to do this myself again, aren't I?" OH MY GOD A TOUCHDOWN. Harper's hit knocked Willson into the end zone. Another sack! That's it., right? Who called THAT play? (Seahawks 13, Panthers 9)

Oh, Andy Dalton. You're so confounding. That's pretty blatant OPI. A screen pass on 4th and 20, Ravens? That's the same play the Panthers called on 4th and 25. And we all saw how well that worked out. (Bengals 27, Ravens 24)




How in God's name were the Jets favored? I mean, they were only favored by three and odds include a three-point advantage for the home team but they should have been a 12-point dog. Vegas doesn't know everything, people. (Bills 43, Jets 23)

Roof is CLOSED. Is this game in slow motion? The Cardinals are already burning time outs? Myers: "The officials, so far, have been the stars of this game." Well they're the only ones who've done anything. Don't jump. Don't jump. Christ. Wait, that one was on the Cardinals? Why are they punting? You're indoors! That's a big break for the Eagles. Foles beat the blitz and Matthews only had one guy to worry about. Good throw there. Sounds like there's some Eagles fans in the house. I've noticed that Foles always rolls left. The Eagles stay running screens like bosses. Maclin is the anti-DeSean in many ways, including touchdown celebration dances.




And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. This'll be an interesting spot. The Cardinals are going for it because I guess they figure they'll need touchdowns. Got it. And once again, the Eagles can't cover Larry Fitzgerald. Matthews dropped that — it'll be incomplete. Not a particularly effective hold by Peterson. A defense with that guy on it should be better against the pass than this. The hell just happened?





And now the Cardinals are at midfield because no one saw the ball and Cole got flagged for roughing the passer.



I see you, Cooper. What's this challenge now? Also, that's a weak roughing the passer on the Honey Badger. I mean, Foles didn't even bother selling it, that's how bad it was. Now the Cardinals are out of challenges. Oh dear. Bucannon got Maclin with his helmet (which is why it flew off). They're still down. Hey, Foles rolled left. The Cardinals are blitzing like crazy now, and with Cromartie going off, it may continue. Earl Wolff just got steamrolled on that kickoff. I'm... I'm not even surprised any more. The pick wouldn't have mattered. Fitzgerald has made his career on tearing the Eagles to shreds. Does McCoy ever run straight ahead? This has been a strange series. It's gone from bad calls to bad non-calls. Parkey from 54? Good!




That touchdown to Maclin was pretty much perfection. Foles bought time and dropped it in the bucket. The interception, on the other hand... The Cardinals' goal-to-go offense looks like the Eagles'. So. Many. Penalties. Does this play calling seem odd to anyone else? I'm surprised they haven't tried play action here. NOW what do you do? And they've got the whole two-minute warning to think about it. They're kicking the field goal. OK. What.. What.. How? HOW?!?!?! HOW DO YOU LET THAT HAPPEN MY GOD THIS SECONDARY IS THE HOTTEST GARBAGE. Barber: "I don't know how that happened." I'll tell you how it happened, Ronde: You could put on an Eagles jersey right now and you'd be their best defensive back. Always the Cardinals. ALWAYS the Cardinals. YOU HAD ONE JOB. ONE FREAKING JOB.




I don't even care about this last drive because it's not going to work BECAUSE THE FOOTBALL CARDINALS HAVE THE SAME DEVIL MAGIC THE BASEBALL CARDINALS DO, BUT IT ONLY WORKS ON THE EAGLES. (Cardinals 24, Eagles 20)

DAMN YOU PRISON JERSEYS. DAMN YOU. The Steelers' offense isn't the Bengals'. Luck had been red hot but that was a bad pass. That, on the other hand, was a good one. No. 10 got lost in the coverage. The touchdown to Allen was a bullet. That throw to Bryant was so telegraphed and yet so perfect at the same time. Encroachment on a field goal? That's... not good. Pagano is furious.  How did Brown get his hands on that ball to catch it? Phil Sims called Greg Toler one-half of the best cornerback tandem in the NFL, proof that jet lag is real. Meanwhile, Roethlisberger has been a machine this half. Of course, this also means Luck has them right where he wants them. Hilton spun away and got open at the last second. I mean, the Colts might want to find someone who can cover Brown. Also, the Steelers might want to find someone who can cover Hilton. If Luck had gone right he might have made it. That first half was a bum rush. It keeps going! This Martavis Bryant needs to be the Steelers' No. 2 guy ASAP. Hey, Bradshaw scored on an actual run. Who is Donte Moncrief? How did the NBA Live NPCs get into this game? Also I should point out here that the Colts have made this a one-score game and I told you Luck had them right where he wanted them. That flag was in the end zone, wasn't it? What a buzzkill. Roethlisberger just hornswaggled the Colts defense. (Steelers 51, Colts 34)


Did Corey White wear that hat indoors? THAT didn't take long. I don't like the Saints' chances tonight — the only game their defense hasn't been pathetic in was the Vikings win after the Adrian Peterson thing broke. I've said before that commercial bumpers for games in New Orleans should be nothing but street musicians. Brandin Cooks! The Saints have been waiting for that kid. And Eddie Lacy comes right back with a 67-yarder. Packers got a little too tricky with that pass to Peppers. Well that completely backfired.






An onside kick? The hell is McCarthy doing? Hey, good job covering Colston. This may be Colts-Steelers but closer. "These defenses aren't too bad either." No, Cris, they're terrible. Field goals? Come on, guys. Hey a Jimmy Graham sighting! Ingram got smoked. Of course, the Saints were in that no-man's land where you don't love any of your 4th and short options. Rodgers is unhappy about something. Oh, he grabbed his leg. Interception off of a deflection. Now it's the Packers' turn to give up a bunch of big plays. Rodgers probably wishes that series had lasted longer.




The Packers are going to go for this? I mean, it worked earlier. Not even close. Graham!  That felt inevitable. Another forward progress deal? OK. This looks like the end. Rodgers weirdly walked in to the end zone there. You don't often see two terrible onside kicks in the same game but this is where we are. I mean, that one went BACKWARDS. Ingram's run ices it. I didn't think the Packers' defense would end up being the worst one on the field tonight but you can't predict this stuff. (Saints 44, Packers 23)

I'm always up for a good instrumental anthem. Especially after... last night. Harris ran into his own man on that punt return. Wait, now what? I understand nothing.




Hey, there's DeSean beating a Cowboys defensive back. That's never happened before. Unsportsmanlike conduct for that? That seems like a misapplication of the term.




Jesus, Tony, snap the damn ball. And they still didn't pick up the blitz. And Murray's left completely uncovered. Good job, everyone. /sarcasm Dez just fought three guys to score that touchdown. They need to pay that dude. Lot of interesting interpretations of the rules going on here tonight. Any reason DeSean's not getting flagged here? Oh, they both did. I only saw the tail end of that. Those Morris stats with or without Griffin do say something also. Didn't seem to bother him there, though. This has been a surprisingly low-scoring game. Romo almost got victimized by a knockdown there. He just took a SHOT. He's down. Took a knee to the back. That was actually good for the Cowboys that that wasn't a fumble... it may buy them a little time. But not that much.






It's Brandon Weeden time. And that is ALL he needs to do.




That's good coverage by that kid twice on Dez. The Cowboys can't tackle. We've seen far too much of Colt McCoy's parents tonight. Quarterback draw for a touchdown!





That fumble's on Weeden. Nice screen. Real nice. Someone got a sweet block downfield. Hey, nice coverage on Witten, Redskins! One thing I've noticed tonight is McCoy hasn't hit Jackson in stride once. Romo's back in the game? At his own 3? This is moronic.





This has to end with a pick, right? That works, too. Wait, the Cowboys got it back? They can now review this and they're finally going to after 15 seconds ran off the clock. And how was that not intercepted??? They're running out of time, though. "Dork Elvis?" Romo gets cadence calls from Bill Simmons nicknames? That's intentional grounding. I'd have had DeSean back there to return that punt but that's me. Overtime. Excellent catch on the sideline by Jordan Reed. The Redskins have moved the ball on this drive. There's the field goal.




The Cowboys have looked utterly discombobulated since Romo came back in. They deserved this loss.


Also, somebody won a bet. (Redskins 20, Cowboys 17, OT)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Denver (6-1) — It's an easy game, this football
2. Arizona (6-1) — When you've got it, you've got it
3. New England (6-2) — Oh shit, son...
4. Dallas (6-2) — Dr. Jones in the house?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-6) — Just gave up on a former top-10 pick
30. Jacksonville (1-7) — Well that was short-lived
31. N.Y. Jets (1-7) — So long, Geno
32. Oakland (0-7) — At least Derek Carr isn't terrible
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Sunday, October 26, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Lower Management

Oh, Jets. Why do you make it so easy so many times? Their radio guys are... less than enthused. That was a long way to go for that. The Jets can't afford to settle for field goals tonight. As I say that, field goals end up giving them the lead. But only temporarily. Whoa, Sheldon Richardson's in the backfield. A Jets touchdown! Stop the presses! Wait, Gostkowski MADE that? I was sure that was wide left. Geno is down. That... didn't look good. So all that and he only misses one play? That's fortunate, I guess. Maybe he's a really good actor. Danny Amendola LIVES!




We've seen the Jets put together some quality drives tonight but they need a touchdown here. These receivers are highly substandard. Touchdown Jets! That... probably should have worked. I mean, it had a chance.







And what's scary about that is that his explanation almost made sense. Good job by the Jets' offensive players getting out of bounds. They have just enough time to get one more quick pass off. And that's exactly how you do that if nobody's open. Dump it as quickly as possible. 58 yards? Let's see. BLOCKED! That kick looked low. And it was.




I thought that name sounded familiar. (Patriots 27, Jets 25)

Speaking of the Jets, they finally got the alleged playmaker they so desperately needed... about six months too late:




And really, though: Percy Harvin played for Pete Carroll in a state where marijuana is legal and he still couldn't find any chill? This dude needs a shrink.

Signal Finder: CIN @ IND, CAR @ GB, SEA @ STL (2nd half), TEN @ WSH (end), NYG @ DAL

That was an... unfortunate sequence of events for the Panthers. Once Nelson made the move it was over. The Panthers can't stop anything right now. That one was just too easy. The Panthers can't get out of their own way. This'll be over quickly if they can't get sorted. JEBUS. I see why Kuechly's the Panthers' leading tackler — he's the only one who can. Finally, the Panthers are doing things. That's kind of a stupid penalty. At least they survived it. The irony there is a better throw gets intercepted. Lacy didn't even gain any more yards and the Panthers still couldn't bring him down. Then they jump offsides on 3rd down and Lacy uses the shorter distance to break one. There's nothing the Panthers can do. Touchdown to Cobb and this may be a wrap. I'm just gonna assume that "AARON SAYS RELAX" T-shirts are massive sellers in Wisconsin right now. Hey, a stop. This is the Panthers' best drive of the day and they're not even at midfield. Good catch by Benjamin to go up and get it. They need points here. That'll do, I guess. The Panthers have clearly rethought things. Newton with the sneak on 4th and 1... and they don't get it. Aaaand we're headed to St. Louis. (Packers 38, Panthers 17)

So both the Bears and the Buccaneers chose the wrong quarterback? Good to know. (Dolphins 27, Bears 14)


Is the referee putting his contact lens back in? He is! I find that strangely reassuring. So that was a fumble after all. Leon Hall just dropped a pick-six. I don't know where Luck was going with that, either. Careful with those legs, Burfict. That's a good stand by the Bengals — you make Luck run twice in a goal-to-go situation, you'll take that. Every time I've seen the Bengals this year, Gresham hasn't been getting any separation from defenders. Bradshaw! Good job atoning for the fumble earlier. It seems like Trent Richardson's finally starting to figure it out. Another fumble? Bad handoff. Man, as soon as I said it. Of course, the Bengals can't get anything going. A lot happened on that pass to Bernard — was it backwards? Was that hit legal?




Fleener couldn't have seen that; that's the only reason he didn't go get it. Did somebody just get run? Oh, yeah, you can't touch the refs. This may not  be the best time to point out that the Colts are hitting everything in front of them but they are. I'd be shocked if the Bengals' total yards after the catch was more than 10. I'm surprised Allen stayed inbounds. The Bengals are getting overwhelmed on offense. it really does feel like they should be down 30 with how little production they've gotten. This should be a touchdown. Yep — the guy tackling Bradshaw grabbed him by his knee, keeping it from hitting the ground. Dude has six touchdown catches. Sanu! That's the first play the Bengals have made and there's 11 minutes left. They didn't get ANY points? Lord. To D.C.! (Colts 27, Bengals 0)




There was no fair catch signal. Carroll can complain all he wants. A Seahawk slipped on that Cunningham 3rd down run that didn't get there. That is terrible edge defense by the Rams. How do you let Russell Wilson break off a 52-yarder? Offensive holding takes away a touchdown and Lynch's only good run today. That's... a touchdown. Who's this dude? Number three tight end? I'm not a fan of the empty backfield on the two-point conversion, even with a quarterback who can run. I think it limits your options. And it didn't work. Chris Givens? Let me tell you something: I don't want to say if Austin Davis is good or not, but he isn't bad. Did this break the plane? Yes! The problem the Rams had last week was they couldn't sustain it for four quarters. This week they just might. If... IF they can stop this drive, which they haven't yet. How did Kearse get that open? Then he ran through the coverage. Bad tackling by the Rams on the Baldwin touchdown. FAKE PUNT!!!! If nothing else, it bought the Rams some yardage. Best case, it might end the game.




Why did Fisher call time out? Fumble? Who's got it? That's a clean fumble. No way to tell.




Rams ball! That's it! Wow. Carroll looks stunned.




(Rams 28, Seahawks 26)




I don't think we could have expected Colt McCoy to be the one to end the Kirk Cousins era but here we are. Offsetting penalties? So much for that big DeSean catch. That is blatant interference — McCourty's hanging on for dear life, as Harlan described it. Stop yapping, DeSean. How did he not get flagged there? Field goal up. Field goal good. And Colt McCoy has as many wins this season as Kirk Cousins does. (Redskins 19, Titans 17)


Well, Brees looks like he's back. Great catch and body control by that guy to give the Lions the lead. So Brees cooled off in the fourth? Look, if you make him run, that's a win. And there's your stop.




Apparently no one. (Lions 24, Saints 23)

Why so mad, Giants? Three straight runs. Interesting. Fine coverage by the Giants on Escobar. did they forget he was on the field? Antrel Rolle was going in the opposite direction. Also, Romo had three days to throw that ball. Chronicle the saga of the Giants' new offense, won't you, Thom Brenneman? I feel like Giants fans had gotten fed up with Gilbride's predictable scheme and wanted something new.




Well this is interesting. The ground caused that fumble but I don't know about that spot. Now, did Garrett challenge after they measured? It's short. Giants going for it? I'd have the quarterback sneak banked just in case drawing them offsides goes wrong. Aaand it's a false start so it doesn't matter. How are you gonna fine a guy who clearly can't afford underwear? I kid, I kid, the NFL rookie scale is pretty good. The Giants are misfiring in the passing game again. Big pickup by Donnell. They're going for it again? And throwing into double coverage? Pass interference? OK. Hey an Andre Williams sighting. Carr holds Beckham and he still scores. Romo just barely escaped calamity there. Dez fell down is why that interception happened. That return by Prince, though. Murray popped him one at the end to knock him out of bounds. Touchdown Giants.




Careful, DeMarco — you've never played a full season in the NFL. I mean, Romo has so much time at times behind this line. I don't understand the last three minutes of this half. ELI MOTORING. That should have been a fumble. That drive was kind of a waste. Hey, Murray's back in. You have to actually tackle Dez. Romo led Escobar pretty much perfectly on that touchdown.  Aikman's talking about how these quick wide receiver screens didn't work for the Seahawks last week, either. Another wasted drive by the Giants. WHOA that's bright. Romo just said "double move" and then they ran the ball. I'd have gone for it, Garrett. The Giants can't stop them right now. Charissa's report about the sunlight coming in through the usually-closed doors has me thinking of The Hunt For Red October. "Those doors, sir, are the problem." Fumble! Cowboys ball. Pretty much the same thing that happened earlier on the Bradshaw run that they didn't give the Cowboys the ball on. Dez!! They're gonna give him that? Nah, he's down at about the 3. Or the 1. It's all semantics, really. I feel like Eli's had a good game but it won't matter in the end. Well, they've got something cooking here, at least. I mean, this is what this offense is now, especially with no Cruz. Beckham scores and for the moment, we have a game. This is how you run a four-minute drive, and Bailey's not going to miss this field goal. (Cowboys 31, Giants 21)




Dockett's already out for the season. What's he got to lose? (Cardinals 24, Raiders 13)

Those aren't the 49ers' regular left guard and center either. That was easy enough. This would be the place to try a 51-yarder with a 39-year-old kicker, you know. Not even close. That's good concentration by Sanders. Peyton just faked everybody out on that pass to Welker. He's tied! Been quite a few sacks already tonight. Is there any ball Boldin can't catch? Yeah, that's interference, and not good interference, as Boldin caught it before it got knocked out of his hands. Well I guess there's one ball Boldin can't catch.




I have no idea why Harbaugh's challenging this — he's gonna lose 15 yards on the penalty regardless.
That is also a penalty. Peyton fell down after that play fake and for a split second I thought he was going to try to throw it from his back. Wrong Thomas, Peyton. Good job by NBC going to the PA for the announcement.










The Niners are wasting all kinds of time here. I feel like they were unjustly rewarded for that.
Not a good throw by Kaepernick. And Peyton cashes in IMMEDIATELY. The 49ers corners aren't good. And really, they're just outmanned in general tonight and will be until they get some key guys back. Now the Broncos are continuing a 15-year or so tradition of running the ball effectively with guys you've never heard of. Al and Cris are flipping coins up in the booth. Osweiler's in. Were those his career numbers? Also, I see Blaine Gabbert is still crap.




Look, a good prank requires proper planning. Any episode of Night Court should have taught you that. (Broncos 42, 49ers 17)

YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE. Good Lord, I apologize. That's what the Texans needed and the Steelers didn't. Ben didn't even hold on to the ball all that long — Mercilus was just on him that quickly. Also, Watt straight up abused DiCostanzo. The Steelers' defense is just too old. That's... that's a hell of a metaphor by Timmons just now.




You know who's good is DeAndre Hopkins. I'd go for this if I were the Texans. You've got Arian Foster. And that's how you do that. Watt is unblockable. You know a guy who doesn't get talked about anymore is Brian Cushing, who looked really slow trying to run down Bell just then. Whoa! Someone blew a coverage. This is that kid's debut, I believe. Good start. Wait, is this a fumble? They're looking closely at it. Steelers ball! That did NOT deserve to work. And Fitzpatrick just threw an interception! Timmons is having a rough night. That pass hit him in the head. Touchdown to Bell! JEBUS.










Flea flicker? Shame that didn't amount to anything. Now the Texans are pinned deep. Nice job moving the ball and getting out of there. This is getting overturned — Moore was rather clearly down. Though I do find it interesting that the original call was that the Texans player had stepped out of bounds after picking the ball up. You know who's still good is Andre Johnson. I mean, that's a catch. It's not NOT a catch. THIS one, on the other hand... where's that second foot? Man, I don't know. That's as close as it gets. Oh my God, Hopkins, that was terrible. Tirico's right — why are the Steelers throwing here? The Texans somehow have no time outs left. Is Jim Harbaugh coaching tonight? And here's why... the Texans just went down the field on your defense and there's still 1:45 left. You'd better recover this awful onside kick. Good job. (Steelers 30, Texans 23)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. Dallas (6-1) — I mean... there's really no denying it
2. Denver (5-1) — A self-assured bunch
3. Arizona (5-1) — Another easy victory
4. Green Bay (5-2) — Sneaking up on everyone

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — No team in the league has allowed more points
30. Jacksonville (1-6) — Nice first win for the Jags
31. N.Y. Jets (1-6) — I'm guessing Harvin won't much like it here, either
32. Oakland (0-6) — Hit new low getting trolled by an injured guy
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Saturday, October 18, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Upping Your Ends

Nice catch, Hilton. Look up! That one hit the Texan in the head. Onside kick! The Texans just STOOD there. I mean, the Colts have done that three times already this year, as Nantz said. Don't you have to be thinking of that? Hilton wasn't touched! Or was he? That looked like two straight brain freezes by the Texans but we'll see.


I guess there was contact. And of course Richardson pretty much walks in on the next play. That's the easiest touchdown he's ever scored in the NFL. Watt ran down Luck but he may have simply postponed the inevitable.


Easy touchdown to Bradshaw and we've seen this movie before, haven't we? I'd say something about the Texans but they've done absolutely nothing. They got that time out? And Fleener's wide open in the end zone. This thing's over.



Arian Foster!  Again! Just give that guy the ball all the time, Texans. Fitzpatrick's beard is trying to escape his helmet. That can't be safe. How was that not intercepted? Points for the Texans. Tipped interception? This Tuggle related to Jessie at all? Nah, they would have mentioned it. The offensive line's opening holes for Foster and he's finding them. Could this turn into a game? Bradshaw ran through about four Texans on that 3rd down pass. Simms preaching aggression is laughable. Ironically, since he said that, things have slowed considerably. Did Bradshaw ever catch this many passes with the Giants? HOLD THE PROVERBIAL PHONE. I mean, if nothing else, the Texans have been able to run the ball tonight. This is a good response by the Colts. Oh, here's something else: the Texans refuse to cover Hilton. Why are they going for two here?




Oh, that won't help matters. Luck has hit on something these last few weeks. Meanwhile, Hilton's out here setting records or something. What happened there? Well, we've seen the commercials, and that proves it: the only thing J.J. Watt can't do is dance.




He wasn't touched, either. That's... not pass interference. BOB is livid. Calm down, man, it happens to everybody. Now nobody on the Colts is catching anything. Wayne caught that? OK there's the challenge flag. That one's gonna be close. Incomplete. Not a good series for Andre Johnson. Offensive PI and now this. I disagree with Carey here — I think that's a catch. Refs got this one right.



That's a big knockdown by Watt at a crucial point. With not-good teams, this drive usually ends in an interception. Oh, Fitzpatrick fumbled? That works, too. Did DeAndre Hopkins not see the ball there? At least it wasn't a massacre. (Colts 33, Texans 28)

Signal Finder: PIT @ CLE, GB @ MIA, CAR @ CIN (end), DAL @ SEA, WSH @ AZ (end)

It's surprisingly loud at Sun Life. Must be all the transplants — I wouldn't want to stay in Wisconsin either. The Packers just flat beat Miami corners on the touchdown and the pass to Cobb before it. Nice return. I mean, you have to block Julius Peppers. Blocked punt! Why would you do anything with Mike Wallace other than send him deep? He can't do anything else. Good hold by the Packers defense, but I think I might have tried rolling Tannehill out at some point. Two near-misses there: Wake almost crushed Rodgers, who would have had a touchdown if Starks had caught that dump-off. Lamar Miller lost 40 yards on that run. Tannehill should have gone somewhere else with that one. This Landry kid has some wheels on him. Finnegan's in Miami? I thought that dude retired. And Tannehill throws another interception. That was an ever worse decision than the first one — Hartline wasn't close to open. The Packers punter almost got beat again. That's a touchback. This is the first good Dolphins drive of the game. Both Packers corners are out? Tannehill's looked much better this half. Wait, that went off his head? Miller! We're somehow tied. The Dolphins are finding gold along the sidelines. I'M MIKE WALLACE. (Haven't said that in a few years.) Feels like Starks is having a better game than Eddie Lacy today. Did Rodgers try to jump over that guy? What was that? Man, NOW what do you do? 4th and 6? Either way you're gonna have to hope you can get the ball back... I don't know. OK. So the Packers got the stop they needed. The Dolphins brought the house on that sack. How does Nelson get loose? He didn't step out of bounds, either. That timeout's gonna get scrutinized if the Dolphins end up losing. Rodgers is suddenly getting no protection. FAKE SPIKE!! Get out of bounds, kid! Good job. (He almost scored.) TOUCHDOWN! That ball was teleported. This super lateral play is getting interest— ah, that's that, I suppose. (Packers 27, Dolphins 24)















I mean, what I don't get about this is how the Buccaneers' defense has been this bad. (Ravens 48, Buccaneers 17)


Sounds like this last-minute switch to Steelers-Browns was a good thing. Bad snap on that field goal attempt? Oh, it slipped out of the holder's hand. How does no one cover Jordan Cameron? With Josh Gordon out selling cars or whatever, he's the Browns' best offensive player by a considerable margin. Cameron again! And this time he scored. That's good play design by... Kyle Shanahan? Man, the Browns have scored three straight touchdowns and are freight-training the Steelers right now. This is how their first game started, but going the other way. And I'm not all that certain that this one's going to end the same way that one did. No idea what the Steelers are planning here with eight seconds. Oh, that. Too many fakes on that one Browns pass but it worked anyway. This is stunning. I mean, we've seen the Browns pick the Steelers off in recent years, but not like this.




Did I miss a Browns turnover or something? The Steelers have had the ball for six minutes and are somehow back at midfield? Oh, they had the ball for 50 seconds. Hoyer was 8 for 17? Usually you're on the bad side of this score when that happens. Hell, usually you don't even get to double digits when that happens. (Browns 31, Steelers 10)



Think CBS regretted doing this? Think FOX regretted letting CBS do this? Especially with the baseball playoffs going on and not having Joe Buck or Kevin Burkhart (who's anchoring the FS1 studio show) already screwing up the announcer pairings. That's how we ended up with Mike Goldberg's disaster at Lions-Vikings and something else that we'll get to later. As for the game itself, clearly Tom Brady's still pissed off. (Patriots 37, Bills 22)


GIOOOOOOOO. If this game doesn't go to overtime the Bengals don't get Bernard back. That's a big sack and the Bengals are stuck with a field goal now. They're running Cam a lot. I know he's their best healthy runner at this point but still. Two missed passes and now it's a field goal to tie it again. It's good. Next score wins! But there's only three minutes left! HANG ON, EVERYBODY. This is gonna end in a tie, isn't it? Big catch! AND a penalty? Now the Bengals have time to take at least one shot. They're not going to? Well, this'll be it right here then. HE MISSED?!?!?!?!?



(Panthers 37, Bengals 37, OT)




Maybe next week. (Lions 17, Vikings 7)

That's one of Murray's two bugaboos — he struggles protecting the ball. How are the Cowboys not abysmal defensively? They were terrible last year, lost their three best players, and added no one of consequence. This has to come apart at some point, right? What has happened to punt protection in this league?





The Seahawks are uncharacteristically getting killed by this underneath stuff. Honestly, with Maxwell out, I wouldn't put Dez anywhere near Sherman for the rest of this game. I don't know what that flag was for, either.




The way the Cowboys have owned this quarter, anything less than a touchdown would have been an embarrassment. Now we got a scrum. This is the Seahawks' biggest problem right now; they can't get off the field on defense. The announcers keep bringing up the Chargers game and they should. Hey, a sack. BEAST MODE. Well, at least they got to midfield first. The other thing is the Seahawks haven't made any 3rd downs either. A muff? Seahawks ball! No. 52 is standing there waving the ball in the air and the refs are still digging through the pile. Wilson: "Screw this. I'll do it myself." Bad snap? What WAS that? Now we have another skirmish. And another fumble maybe? Seahawks ball! And ANOTHER donnybrook. That penalty on Okung killed this drive. The Seahawks defense is not having a good day. The Seahawks' offense needs to go down the field. LIKE THAT. And then they hit another one on third down! That'll get challenged — or not, as there was defensive holding anyway. And another drive fizzles out. The defense is going to have to win this one, I think, and I'm legitimately not sure they're up to the task. A Cowboys penalty wipes out a big gain? That's never happened before. God help us all if that Baldwin-Wilson exchange had been Dez and Romo. That's DEFINITELY getting challenged. Oh my God, Williams CAUGHT that. Where did he even come from? That was absurd. This whole game has defied description. And then it occurred to me: The Romo-era Cowboys have always played their best when expectations are at their lowest. (Cowboys 30, Seahawks 23)

Carson's back! And Redskins fans still prefer Cousins over Griffin. Yeah, you guys keep running with that.


They're running this package of Cousins' interceptions and they get progressively worse, culminating with that last one that went right to Johnson for the touchdown. It's time to end this nonsense.




Also, the Cardinals are in first place all by themselves. (Cardinals 30, Redskins 20)

That may have been McCoy's best run in three weeks. Andre Williams trucked somebody. Who was that? Eli took too long to do... something. You should never want to hear your own coaches say "Bad things happen when you hold the ball" about you. This looks like a bad challenge. Well that play fake didn't fool anyone. Some good runs by McCoy tonight.  ERTZ! That was pretty crazy itself.





 


This playlist baffles me. "All Of Me" as a bumper in an NFL game? How does that work?  MCR? Yellowcard? At least P!nk's from nearby. Anyway, I'm digressing. Trent Cole hasn't lost a whole lot. First and 19. That's uncommon. Delay of Game? Really? Coughlin's furious. Barwin's going nuts. Eli's getting beat up out here.




Even Bennie Logan's getting in on the act. Eli should not be trying to make moves. Another good run by McCoy, and a nice block by Maclin. James Casey?!? This may be turning into one of those games. Giants are doing dumb things now. Sproles ran into Donnell for some reason or he might have scored. Amazingly, that's a good job to pick up that flag — there was no face mask. Somehow JPP caught Foles just in time. The Giants can't do anything on first down. They got a piece of that punt, too? Big plays big. Should have eaten that one, Foles. Prediction: Nothing comes of this. And there's offensive holding. Fielding that punt was some youthful exuberance on Beckham's part. That sequence didn't go well. How did Donnell catch that? That ball got tipped twice. OFFENSIVE HOLDING. Giants should probably go for it here. Incomplete and Cruz is hurt. Cart's out. You can't like seeing this if you're a halfway decent human being. Meanwhile, McCoy appears to be back. This is what I get for benching him. Sproles struts into the end zone.




I mean, everything's gone wrong for the Giants tonight. That was odd. Get up, Sproles! We're out of running backs! That was weird — Beckham misplayed the punt and it just went off Huff's knee. Then he juggles and drops a pass. Welcome to the show, kid. Chip just picking runs at random now. This one's been over for a while. Trey Burton getting carries! If the Giants wanted to not get shut out, why bring Nassib in? I agree with Collinsworth — you try a field goal here, you're only trolling yourself.




Yeah, good job by you guys. (Eagles 27, Giants 0)


The '90's Rams unis! I'm all about that.




This is the 700th Monday Night Football, for the record.  I don't know if Austin Davis is any kind of long-term solution, but he's earned at least a chance to prove whether he is or not. It's kind of shameful that the Rams are just now getting around to playing their other rookies. Hey, that's P.A. Mase's kid. Wonder if the ESPN DJ will play some De La Soul if he does something tonight. Feels like the Rams have had eight plays down here. Touchdown, or something.




Welcome back, Vernon Davis. Wait, what? That ball just popped out. Animal Jr.! This game is full of unexpected legacy kids. Mason again. Turns out Austin reversing the reverse ended up being the right move. Touchdown Rams?!?!? Gruden's kicking himself, no pun intended. "Can you believe I cut Phil Dawson?" That's so far down the list that I'm not even going to reference it. These Rams receivers have been open. Where has this been the last five years? McDonald is Tim's son? There's another one. Oh boy. Brandon Lloyd just faked Janoris Jenkins out of his jockstrap. That was brutal coverage.




This may get overturned. These guys can't outrun Kaepernick. The 49ers are finally getting a bit of traction in the running game. Boldin! They keep showing Sam Bradford on the sideline with this look on his face like "Am I gonna have a job next year?" Willis is out, too? Now Ward is out? How many guys can the 49ers lose in one game? The Rams' pass coverage has really fallen off since the Lloyd touchdown. Like, Crabtree just worked that poor kid on that touchdown. I think it's safe to say this game has turned.




McDonald and Davis crashed into each other and cost the 49ers a touchdown. Are the Rams going to stonewall them here? They got the stop? A flag? Now what? After the play?

 


Seriously, look at Fisher's record. A LOT of 8-8's on that ledger. This synonyms discussion started off the rails and only got more disjointed. Is this the same drive? And they only got a field goal? Sad. Yeah, this ain't happening. See? (49ers 31, Rams 17)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. (tie) San Diego (5-1) — Survived the Black Hole
1. (tie) Dallas (5-1) — Officially need to be Dealt With
3. Denver (4-1) — Peyton being Peyton
4. Arizona (4-1) — Playing well despite missing key parts

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (1-5) — Seriously, what happened?
30. N.Y. Jets (1-5) — Rex's fate seems sealed
31. Jacksonville (0-6) — At least Bortles looks not terrible
32. Oakland (0-5) — That went well

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Friday, October 10, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Seriously, By The Pigskin Of Their Teeth

GREEN BAY WEATHER. Ponder! This situation played out oddly similarly to the playoff game a few years ago against these Packers, even, when he got scratched suddenly at about 4 o'clock and nobody at ESPN - who has his wife on their payroll - knew why. Two Lacy runs have the Packers in the red zone. Cobb has six touchdowns already? Peppers! Dude can still outrun most of the other guys on the field.




Cobb might get six more touchdowns in this game.







Apparently I missed Nantz saying what needed to be said about the foolishness surrounding Bridgewater's pro day. How did this dude lose his helmet trying to tackle Lacy? This is turning into a familiar pattern and I'm rapidly losing interest. Ponder's still in? I'm amazed. I wouldn't want to add any more tape to this reel. He ran for a touchdown! And he looked panicked doing so. I look forward to the "College Football Ponderings" podcast with him and his wife next year. Look, guys, I'm watching Arizona-Oregon and baseball now. Seriously, Vikings? A field goal? Walsh is my kicker on two of my fantasy teams and I hope he bricks this just to teach you people a lesson. (Packers 42, Vikings 10)

Signal Finder: STL @ PHI, HOU @ DAL (end), BAL @ IND (end), TB @ NO (OT), CLE @ TEN (end), NYJ @ SD

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: THEY DID IT AGAIN! James Casey with the block this time. That's pretty  much the worst possible start for the Rams. Three incompletions and THAT.




The Rams haven't called a run yet and they might want to consider it at some point, y'know, just because. That 3rd down pass to Ertz was dangerous as hell. Great job by him to get open and grab it. Davis slid too early. That pass interference bailed Foles out of this drive. He's been facing a lot of pressure too. So this is where Kenny Britt ended up. Zac Stacy carried Williams for about six more yards. That wasn't a catch by Cook? Oh, the ball came out. I'm amazed that play action is still working for the Eagles as bad as their running game has been. McCoy did everything wrong there, including coughing up the ball at the end of that.




A touchdown here would be huge for the Rams. That... was the opposite. They didn't block anyone on that sack. McCoy runs right past another hole. There was no opening on that interception — the coverage was too tight. Williams had no idea that pass was headed to Britt. Davis ran 15 yards backwards and still found a receiver for a touchdown. THAT'S the LeSean McCoy we need. Foles got good protection from the middle of the line on the lob to Matthews. Cooper! That's the kind of pass he caught last year and hadn't been catching this year. That seems to have woken Shady up — he hasn't run with this kind of purpose in weeks. Illegal block in the back on a kick return. Happens every time. Moose is as baffled as my mom is. That was wild! Cole got the sack and tipped the ball out of Davis' hand, then Jake Long missed a chance to recover it and Cedric Thornton rolled into the end zone. Davis is hurt again. Who's his backup? Didn't they pick up Case Keenum? Is it him? Thornton with another fumble recovery! Foles missed Matthews but found Maclin easily. This may be a wrap. Or maybe not as Cunningham found a running lane — he's been one of the three beat Rams today — and scores untouched. Someone teach Foles to slide. That would have been good coverage if Fletcher had any idea the ball was coming. Oh well, neither of those guys will be here next year anyway. This is ridiculous. It's a six-point game for absolutely no good reason.




That punt was massive. I know I'm just getting to this but it seems like the Rams have about nine wide receivers active. And they've been looking for two for years. Quick's had a huge day. Pettis, on the other hand... That's a delay of game. That's... not even close. Again, NOT SUSTAINABLE. (Eagles 34, Rams 28)

This touchdown for the Browns will not count. Oops, that's my fault — he did get both feet down. At full speed it looked like he didn't. Charlie Whitehurst? What's with that bad ponytail? That sack may have killed the Titans' last chance. Yeah, that's not gonna work. (Browns 29, Titans 28)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 2: Saints 37, Buccaneers 31 (OT)

Light these fools up, Rivers. See? The Jets' corners are worse than the Eagles. Don't even call a running play. Just keep throwing it. Like that. Chris Ivory has become the Jets' best offensive skill player. Rivers sailing down the field again. Wow, these Jets corners suck.




How did that guy intercept that pass? There was a three-way collision in the end zone and No. 24 somehow ended up with it.  Did the Jets just fumble this away? I'm amazed that wasn't a face mask. But what was it? He just ripped dude's helmet off. Look, that would've happened anyway. And offensive holding nullifies the touchdown. Flags everywhere! The one to Gates should stand — he dragged one leg outside the end zone before going in. Rivers and this rookie Oliver just ran the Frank Gore play from last week. Dude just gashed the Jets' supposed great run defense.




Well, here comes Vick, for whatever it's worth. Y'know, there ARE shades of the last prominent guy to wear No. 43 for the Chargers. Another touchdown pass. Put Geno back in, but at defensive back. I mean, you can't headbutt a guy. I think the Jets offense has gotten worse since Vick came in, if that's even possible. The Jets' defense held! (the Chargers to a field goal.) That's a win! The other problem is CBS really can't switch games here because Chiefs-49ers is eight minutes ahead of this one and will probably end first. Sweet merciful CRAP. (Chargers 31, Jets 0)

Bad day in Detroit, yo. Turns out the E.J. Manuel benching was premeditated:




The Lions need a kicker again, got beat on the last play of the game, the Tigers got swept out of the playoffs, and Jim Schwartz is still a dick. (Bills 17, Lions 14; Orioles 2, Tigers 1 (3-0))

Uh-oh, Brady's pissed off. Sick play fake. Yep. Like Collinsworth said, this team was angry. The Bengals are coming right back with Creativity and Panache. But not nearly enough as the field goal ended up short. What? Oh, 50,000 yards. I didn't get the reference and thought someone had won a prize or something. Also, a Gronk sighting, by the way.




Lot of upset people in this building right now. Wait, what happened? Danny Amendola's hurt? SHOCKING. Not sure I like that pass interference on Nelson. Now the Bengals are lobbying for intentional grounding and that may have been the right call.  LOUD NOISES! The Bengals need points on this drive. That won't help. Now what? It took them that long to signal a false start? I'm shocked the Bengals punter didn't get killed there. I'd let him hit me, honestly. Try to draw a flag. Dalton's looked awful. What is this, the playoffs? That's incomplete — Sanu never had possession. That ball went right through Gresham's hands. Maybe Dennard should stop holding people. 4th and 2? I'd go for this. So that's a catch, and Revis forced the fumble, and Collins recovered it, then he lost it and someone else picked it up. I don't get why it's different inside two minutes, though.




And good luck selling a lateral when the guy's horizontal and in midair. Oh, that's what that is? I keep forgetting I've only actually seen it once. Ladies and gentlemen: the reason for that rule... the "Holy Roller."



Man, Gresham had a shot at that one, too. Hey, a Pacman Jones sighting. That's the biggest play the Bengals have had all night. Until THAT. Wow, that sure turned around fast.




Mason Ryan has zero shot against A.J. Green. None. He'd have zero shot against A.C. Green. This game's still in the third quarter? The Pats could go for 50 just to make a statement and Belichick's the kind of salty bastard who would (and has). How the hell is Dane Sanzenbacher on an NFL roster? This... should have been expected. (Patriots 43, Bengals 17)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 3: Are those microchips on the Redskins' collars? Yeah, where is Lynch? So they ran on 3rd down, but that may not have been the run Gruden thought they'd do. Did Russell Wilson just stiff-arm a dude? THAT was quick. Wilson floated it between two guys and Kearse walked in. Lynch looks fine now. Shame the run didn't count. Wilson again! 102 rushing yards in the first quarter. And I think the Seahawks have only thrown three passes.




Gruden's got a point. Where do you put the ball against this defense? The Seahawks center is struggling. Just get the ball away.




Wait, who did they even call that false start on? Good thing the Redskins can do absolutely nothing tonight. Wilson threw that across the field and it landed perfectly for the tight end. There's another run and this time he'll score. That didn't take long. As good as Kam Chancellor is he can't run with DeSean. Jailbreak blitz! Good job taking advantage, Redskins. Harvin's not returning that punt?






Smart of WWE to hold off on bringing Rock out until halftime.

DeSean doesn't usually shrug off contact like that. Good throw by Cousins, too. That QB sneak didn't work? I'm okay with kicking it here. Tangentially Related Aside: They've really gotta do some major reshoots on these college football playoff "It's gonna come down to the game" ads. The Florida game means nothing to no one. I feel like this game is only close because of penalties. Because, really, it is — the Seahawks have had two touchdown nullified by flags. We got some chippiness here. Seriously, why is Harvin off punt returns?




That's a third touchdown taken off the board by a penalty. The Seahawks offensive line is having a terrible night. Is that legal? Wilson may have crossed the line of scrimmage there or got real close to it. Gruden's challenging this and he may have a case. AH, so his whole body has to be across the line. This is the Eli play from a few years back, right? Did it rain down there today? Lynch didn't make it. FAKE FIELD GOAL!!!!




ANOTHER Seahawks penalty? Insanity. That one got where Lynch wanted it to go. Meanwhile, Bruce Irvin has spent all night having his way with whoever the Redskins try to block him with. Nice suit, Dr. Andrews. How did Roberts get that open? Redskins having trouble tackling again. Wow! That was magical.  (Seahawks 27, Redskins 17)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. (tie) San Diego (4-1) — Off to a much better start this time around
1. (tie) Seattle (3-1) — Wilson taking next step?
3. Denver (3-1) — Defensive dollars paying dividends
4. Arizona (3-1) — Playing well despite missing key parts

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tennessee (1-4) — Will need a quarterback next year
30. N.Y. Jets (1-4) — Same, probably
31. Jacksonville (0-5) — Still woefully short on talent
32. Oakland (0-4) — Get the "edge" because of how they fired their coach
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