Showing posts with label San Diego Chargers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label San Diego Chargers. Show all posts

Friday, October 10, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Seriously, By The Pigskin Of Their Teeth

GREEN BAY WEATHER. Ponder! This situation played out oddly similarly to the playoff game a few years ago against these Packers, even, when he got scratched suddenly at about 4 o'clock and nobody at ESPN - who has his wife on their payroll - knew why. Two Lacy runs have the Packers in the red zone. Cobb has six touchdowns already? Peppers! Dude can still outrun most of the other guys on the field.




Cobb might get six more touchdowns in this game.







Apparently I missed Nantz saying what needed to be said about the foolishness surrounding Bridgewater's pro day. How did this dude lose his helmet trying to tackle Lacy? This is turning into a familiar pattern and I'm rapidly losing interest. Ponder's still in? I'm amazed. I wouldn't want to add any more tape to this reel. He ran for a touchdown! And he looked panicked doing so. I look forward to the "College Football Ponderings" podcast with him and his wife next year. Look, guys, I'm watching Arizona-Oregon and baseball now. Seriously, Vikings? A field goal? Walsh is my kicker on two of my fantasy teams and I hope he bricks this just to teach you people a lesson. (Packers 42, Vikings 10)

Signal Finder: STL @ PHI, HOU @ DAL (end), BAL @ IND (end), TB @ NO (OT), CLE @ TEN (end), NYJ @ SD

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: THEY DID IT AGAIN! James Casey with the block this time. That's pretty  much the worst possible start for the Rams. Three incompletions and THAT.




The Rams haven't called a run yet and they might want to consider it at some point, y'know, just because. That 3rd down pass to Ertz was dangerous as hell. Great job by him to get open and grab it. Davis slid too early. That pass interference bailed Foles out of this drive. He's been facing a lot of pressure too. So this is where Kenny Britt ended up. Zac Stacy carried Williams for about six more yards. That wasn't a catch by Cook? Oh, the ball came out. I'm amazed that play action is still working for the Eagles as bad as their running game has been. McCoy did everything wrong there, including coughing up the ball at the end of that.




A touchdown here would be huge for the Rams. That... was the opposite. They didn't block anyone on that sack. McCoy runs right past another hole. There was no opening on that interception — the coverage was too tight. Williams had no idea that pass was headed to Britt. Davis ran 15 yards backwards and still found a receiver for a touchdown. THAT'S the LeSean McCoy we need. Foles got good protection from the middle of the line on the lob to Matthews. Cooper! That's the kind of pass he caught last year and hadn't been catching this year. That seems to have woken Shady up — he hasn't run with this kind of purpose in weeks. Illegal block in the back on a kick return. Happens every time. Moose is as baffled as my mom is. That was wild! Cole got the sack and tipped the ball out of Davis' hand, then Jake Long missed a chance to recover it and Cedric Thornton rolled into the end zone. Davis is hurt again. Who's his backup? Didn't they pick up Case Keenum? Is it him? Thornton with another fumble recovery! Foles missed Matthews but found Maclin easily. This may be a wrap. Or maybe not as Cunningham found a running lane — he's been one of the three beat Rams today — and scores untouched. Someone teach Foles to slide. That would have been good coverage if Fletcher had any idea the ball was coming. Oh well, neither of those guys will be here next year anyway. This is ridiculous. It's a six-point game for absolutely no good reason.




That punt was massive. I know I'm just getting to this but it seems like the Rams have about nine wide receivers active. And they've been looking for two for years. Quick's had a huge day. Pettis, on the other hand... That's a delay of game. That's... not even close. Again, NOT SUSTAINABLE. (Eagles 34, Rams 28)

This touchdown for the Browns will not count. Oops, that's my fault — he did get both feet down. At full speed it looked like he didn't. Charlie Whitehurst? What's with that bad ponytail? That sack may have killed the Titans' last chance. Yeah, that's not gonna work. (Browns 29, Titans 28)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 2: Saints 37, Buccaneers 31 (OT)

Light these fools up, Rivers. See? The Jets' corners are worse than the Eagles. Don't even call a running play. Just keep throwing it. Like that. Chris Ivory has become the Jets' best offensive skill player. Rivers sailing down the field again. Wow, these Jets corners suck.




How did that guy intercept that pass? There was a three-way collision in the end zone and No. 24 somehow ended up with it.  Did the Jets just fumble this away? I'm amazed that wasn't a face mask. But what was it? He just ripped dude's helmet off. Look, that would've happened anyway. And offensive holding nullifies the touchdown. Flags everywhere! The one to Gates should stand — he dragged one leg outside the end zone before going in. Rivers and this rookie Oliver just ran the Frank Gore play from last week. Dude just gashed the Jets' supposed great run defense.




Well, here comes Vick, for whatever it's worth. Y'know, there ARE shades of the last prominent guy to wear No. 43 for the Chargers. Another touchdown pass. Put Geno back in, but at defensive back. I mean, you can't headbutt a guy. I think the Jets offense has gotten worse since Vick came in, if that's even possible. The Jets' defense held! (the Chargers to a field goal.) That's a win! The other problem is CBS really can't switch games here because Chiefs-49ers is eight minutes ahead of this one and will probably end first. Sweet merciful CRAP. (Chargers 31, Jets 0)

Bad day in Detroit, yo. Turns out the E.J. Manuel benching was premeditated:




The Lions need a kicker again, got beat on the last play of the game, the Tigers got swept out of the playoffs, and Jim Schwartz is still a dick. (Bills 17, Lions 14; Orioles 2, Tigers 1 (3-0))

Uh-oh, Brady's pissed off. Sick play fake. Yep. Like Collinsworth said, this team was angry. The Bengals are coming right back with Creativity and Panache. But not nearly enough as the field goal ended up short. What? Oh, 50,000 yards. I didn't get the reference and thought someone had won a prize or something. Also, a Gronk sighting, by the way.




Lot of upset people in this building right now. Wait, what happened? Danny Amendola's hurt? SHOCKING. Not sure I like that pass interference on Nelson. Now the Bengals are lobbying for intentional grounding and that may have been the right call.  LOUD NOISES! The Bengals need points on this drive. That won't help. Now what? It took them that long to signal a false start? I'm shocked the Bengals punter didn't get killed there. I'd let him hit me, honestly. Try to draw a flag. Dalton's looked awful. What is this, the playoffs? That's incomplete — Sanu never had possession. That ball went right through Gresham's hands. Maybe Dennard should stop holding people. 4th and 2? I'd go for this. So that's a catch, and Revis forced the fumble, and Collins recovered it, then he lost it and someone else picked it up. I don't get why it's different inside two minutes, though.




And good luck selling a lateral when the guy's horizontal and in midair. Oh, that's what that is? I keep forgetting I've only actually seen it once. Ladies and gentlemen: the reason for that rule... the "Holy Roller."



Man, Gresham had a shot at that one, too. Hey, a Pacman Jones sighting. That's the biggest play the Bengals have had all night. Until THAT. Wow, that sure turned around fast.




Mason Ryan has zero shot against A.J. Green. None. He'd have zero shot against A.C. Green. This game's still in the third quarter? The Pats could go for 50 just to make a statement and Belichick's the kind of salty bastard who would (and has). How the hell is Dane Sanzenbacher on an NFL roster? This... should have been expected. (Patriots 43, Bengals 17)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close 3: Are those microchips on the Redskins' collars? Yeah, where is Lynch? So they ran on 3rd down, but that may not have been the run Gruden thought they'd do. Did Russell Wilson just stiff-arm a dude? THAT was quick. Wilson floated it between two guys and Kearse walked in. Lynch looks fine now. Shame the run didn't count. Wilson again! 102 rushing yards in the first quarter. And I think the Seahawks have only thrown three passes.




Gruden's got a point. Where do you put the ball against this defense? The Seahawks center is struggling. Just get the ball away.




Wait, who did they even call that false start on? Good thing the Redskins can do absolutely nothing tonight. Wilson threw that across the field and it landed perfectly for the tight end. There's another run and this time he'll score. That didn't take long. As good as Kam Chancellor is he can't run with DeSean. Jailbreak blitz! Good job taking advantage, Redskins. Harvin's not returning that punt?






Smart of WWE to hold off on bringing Rock out until halftime.

DeSean doesn't usually shrug off contact like that. Good throw by Cousins, too. That QB sneak didn't work? I'm okay with kicking it here. Tangentially Related Aside: They've really gotta do some major reshoots on these college football playoff "It's gonna come down to the game" ads. The Florida game means nothing to no one. I feel like this game is only close because of penalties. Because, really, it is — the Seahawks have had two touchdown nullified by flags. We got some chippiness here. Seriously, why is Harvin off punt returns?




That's a third touchdown taken off the board by a penalty. The Seahawks offensive line is having a terrible night. Is that legal? Wilson may have crossed the line of scrimmage there or got real close to it. Gruden's challenging this and he may have a case. AH, so his whole body has to be across the line. This is the Eli play from a few years back, right? Did it rain down there today? Lynch didn't make it. FAKE FIELD GOAL!!!!




ANOTHER Seahawks penalty? Insanity. That one got where Lynch wanted it to go. Meanwhile, Bruce Irvin has spent all night having his way with whoever the Redskins try to block him with. Nice suit, Dr. Andrews. How did Roberts get that open? Redskins having trouble tackling again. Wow! That was magical.  (Seahawks 27, Redskins 17)

RANKINGS

TOP 4:
1. (tie) San Diego (4-1) — Off to a much better start this time around
1. (tie) Seattle (3-1) — Wilson taking next step?
3. Denver (3-1) — Defensive dollars paying dividends
4. Arizona (3-1) — Playing well despite missing key parts

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tennessee (1-4) — Will need a quarterback next year
30. N.Y. Jets (1-4) — Same, probably
31. Jacksonville (0-5) — Still woefully short on talent
32. Oakland (0-4) — Get the "edge" because of how they fired their coach
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Sunday, February 2, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Side Out


What's up with describing Brandi Carlile as a "Local recording artist" like they plucked her off the street or something? That's a terrible punt.  That hit's late. Also it caught Harvin in the helmet and we won't see him again until 2016. Seriously, when did Mark Ingram stop sucking? Damn it, Graham, you couldn't have done that last week?




Wilson got rid of it too fast. Hauschka sneaked that one through. Fumble? Fumble! There'll be no overturning that. Touchdown! And Lynch doesn't care who's trying to bear down on him. That looks like a good burger. Where do I get that? So are the Seahawks covering Graham with a tank or something? Who is Josh Hill and why is he being targeted? The left tackle did a good job of protecting Brees there despite the incompletion. That's more like it.


I think all that hit to Harvin did was piss him off. We're seeing a lot more of Robinson since Ingram's fumble. Good play by Wagner to knock that 4th down pass down. Did Brees not see him? Seriously, Lynch is all, "Y'all remember me, right?" That's a dangerous lob — WHOA! Nice catch by Harvin, who's the smallest guy out here. Not a good red zone sequence for the Seahawks. This is the longest kickoff setup ever. The Seahawks haven't changed their game at all. This is two weeks in a row where Brees hasn't played well in the first half. Bradshaw thinks it's the gloves? That's the best pass Brees has thrown all day. Running on 3rd and 9? Okay. That replay they just showed — that should be a fumble. Seahawks should have challenged.


I guess that's why Josh Hill is being targeted. Touchdown Saints, though it took some grinding at the end there.Amazingly this is a one-score game despite how thoroughly dominant the Seahawks have been. They have beaten down this Saints offense, along with poor execution and bad penalties like the one that wiped out that Stills catch. Robert Meachem... I don't know if he's a true bust but he's never really lived up to his first-round draft position.  But that catch he made is how Auburn beat Georgia. Why are the Saints trying this field goal? I know it's 4th and 15 but 48 yards INTO the wind? See? Wasn't even close. The best coach on the Saints sideline today has been Rob Ryan, and that's a thought I never dreamed I'd have.



VINTAGE BEAST MODE. That should wrap this up. Damn, Thomas isn't even trying to play off what happened to him there. Lot of "Don't get fired!" going on in the FOX booth right now. Wait, hang on here. Something's cooking. That OPI on Moore may have sunk this. Or not. First they've got to get the onside kick before anyone can worry about the fact that there's only 30 seconds left. They... got it? THE HELL IS COLSTON DOING? That's a fireable offense.

(Seahawks 23, Saints 15)

I still struggle with the idea that Allie LAFORCE is her real name. I suspect it's not. Anyone? More rain? Luck should never have thrown that ball. That happens a lot. Edelman's making $1M this year and he had the season the Patriots paid Danny Amendola big money to have. Speaking of Amendola, halfway through the first and he's still healthy — check your pool sheets. Did that skip off the ground? I guess not. This Pats' reinvention as a running team was absolutely necessary given all the inexperience at receiver and the... problems at tight end. Hilton's limping off? That's bad. Whoa! The Colts needed that. Their receivers have elevated their games since Reggie Wayne went out but they may need more than they can give now.
Good job by the Colts getting a field goal there after that — could have been disastrous otherwise.


High snap! Wait, that's a safety, what are they even discussing here? Unless there's a claim of an incomplete pass? Zoltan would not have screwed this up, by the way. The thing the punter should do there is just try to boot it out of the end zone.


Meanwhile, Luck was, er, blessed that that one wasn't intercepted. And cursed that that one was. Wait, Gostkowski punted that? Did Belichick bench the regular punter, too? I mean, we've seen Stevan Ridley tonight for the first time in five weeks. Oh, the punter's holding his shoulder? Nice route and catch by Hilton, losing Talib in the process. Uh oh, here come the Colts again. That was an unfortunate fizzle out. Amendola! Wait, what? That's a worse call than the one that screwed the Browns.


"Holder-challenged." Wow! Luck beats the blitz twice and just like that it's a seven-point game again.


Another big-time punt from Gostkowski. Who knew? This could add five years to his career. Man, Blount is SLOW. Brady's holding? Has he ever held? Maybe in his rookie year? Bad decision, Luck. That was double coverage before Collins (who's been huge tonight) swooped in. Well, that's that. I mean, these aren't the Chiefs. Why are the Colts punting on 4th and 1? Even Dierdorf's questioning it. Blount was faster there than he was on the touchdown run.





Oh, it was Lundquist. And Dick Enberg before him, too. (I couldn't remember who Dierdorf's partners were before Gumbel.) I much preferred his CBS work to his time on Monday Night Football, for the record. (Patriots 43, Colts 22)




I also support more instrumental anthems in general. That guy's a semi-regular anthem player at Eagles home games. Dude's a beast. Hold up. They called that a late hit? That wasn't as late as the one on Harvin yesterday. Then Kaepernick was lucky the next pass wasn't picked off. A wide receiver pass by Boldin? What? Did the 49ers see something?


This is really unimaginative play calling by Carolina here. Why not throw it or send Cam on a bootleg? Ted Ginn Jr. was a top-10 overall draft pick and this is really the only thing he excels at. Still, way to flip the field. That throw though. Cam placed it perfectly in the middle of good coverage. That long pass to Olsen on the next drive looked like it was headed for trouble, too. You know who else doesn't slide is Newton. The problem right now is that the Panthers' backs haven't done much so far and Newton's their best runner. WHAT. Why is Brooks running his mouth after he jumped OVER THE PANTHERS' OFFENSIVE LINE? That was amazing and terrible.

I think I'd normally want Rivera to go for it but what does he call that can work given what just happened.


Great leaping catch by Crabtree. And he jumped into Florence to get that pass interference call but whatever. Did Davis get that back foot down? That's the question. It may not matter now because Harbaugh had a heart attack and cost his team 15 yards. Well they're reviewing it. Pereira thinks it'll be a touchdown and the penalty will be enforced on the kickoff. He's right.


Boldin just embarrassed Munnerlyn on that one. What was that? Florence just flat out missed Kaepernick. I think that's what Harbaugh meant by "cranking" the chippiness up. Of course, the danger is in pissing the Panthers off.


This drive is taking a long time for something that doesn't seem to be progressing.


That didn't end well. Huh, hadn't seen the 49ers take too long to call a play yet until now. That's a backbreaker run by Gore and I'm not sure a field goal doesn't bury the Panthers here. That's a big penalty. And that bad throw by Cam probably ends it. That personal foul on 22 definitely does. (49ers 23, Panthers 10)

Yeah, that's a facemask. Couldn't tell at first. Figures, first time the Chargers actually cover someone and they miss an interception. Wait, the Chargers have used two timeouts already? Is Jim Harbaugh coaching?


Some physical running here by the Broncos at the end of this drive. And that's a touchdown. I think Thomas might have been down there. But I'm not sure enough to be confident in a reversal. Well, I've been wrong before. Rivers got crushed on that sack, which probably puts them Chargers in that no man's land where they might as well go for it. That kick never had a chance. Novak slipped? Seriously, the Broncos are really wearing the Chargers out with the run here. Another touchdown pass. How did Decker not break that punt return? Looks like the punter slipped chasing him down, too.


(I will refrain from making the Manti Te'o joke that eight million people have already made.) Can we get a dryer on that field? NICE pick by Butler in the end zone to kill the drive — that went off Decker's chest (and the coverage was good so he might not have caught it cleanly anyway).


Hey, Holliday's back and he almost broke that one. The Chargers are short on answers here. Man, Prater cut that CLOSE. I think the goalposts work the same way as the plane of the goal line where it just goes on forever. Hey, an Antonio Gates sighting. Hell, a Chargers FORWARD PASS sighting. I can count the number of things that have gone right for the Chargers on one hand. At least Scifres, their punter, is back. Good on the Chargers getting those run stops. Whoa, Prater doesn't miss but could you kind of see that coming the way his last attempt went?


The Punt, Pass and Kick kids are always a highlight. Cue the "Well, they switched to the no-huddle and it started working, so why didn't they do it sooner?" discussion. It's also interesting that Woodhead is the running back now, since he's the best pass catcher of the Chargers' backs and they've gotten nothing from Mathews. At least they won't get shut out. Wait, what's going on?


Man, Rivers is STAYING mad. And I can't blame him. Welker tripped and fell; that shouldn't be a flag on anybody. By the way, this is the guy who picked up the flag for no good reason at the end of Pats-Panthers, so. When's the last time a quarterback in this game lined up under center? Three straight Moreno runs and it's back to a 17-point lead. THAT was quick. Onside kick? Novak is working that tee like they're gonna do something. Chargers recover! Decker had it and let it get away from him. It is the Keenan Allen show out here now. Um... hang on here. Novak just kicked a field goal. They can't try another onside kick here, right? The probability of two in a row working isn't even on the board in Vegas, right? OK, they're kicking it deep. Smart. Good Lord. That coverage was so blown it was blown twice.

That Moreno run will sew this up.


(Broncos 24, Chargers 17)

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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Kinetic Slide

Uh-oh. Jamaal Charles is already walking off the field? That's potentially awful. Smith got chased on that 2nd and goal pass and it could have been disastrous. Bowe just got across the line. They're gonna wear Luck's arm out at this rate. It's all Hilton, all the time right now. That didn't take long. I don't know if the Chiefs kick this field goal if Charles is healthy. Then again. who knows what Andy'll ever do down here. The Colts have too many Boston College guys to be taken seriously. (Same for the Patriots and Rutgers, which I've discussed before.) So Donnie Avery outran everyone. That's two long pass plays so far. FUMBLE. Poor Trent Richardson, who's throwing up in his mouth on the sideline. (Not literally.)

SHOVEL PASS. Dump that "Song #2" remix ASAP, NBC DJ. The Colts really need Hilton to not be hurt badly if they want a shot to come back from this. Luck in the shotgun on 4th and inches? NICE. Slide! There he is. Man, somebody catch something. Andy's screen game has always been on point. Mayock's convinced the Colts' corners Davis and Toler are still hurt. He won't stop talking about it. I mean, he may be right — Toler's already left the game — but simmer down already. 31-10? That's a final. Who says the Chiefs can't score? Hilton tripped himself out of at least 10 more yards. Where was Luck going with that pass? Double coverage? That was the slowest non-fat guy return ever.

Oh, boy, that's another bad pass by Luck. Touchdown! This may officially be out of hand. Whoa! Nice catch by Rogers. Was Brown even touched? Fumble! Wait, hang on, that's pretty close to the sideline... did he have it? Yeah, I can't overturn that. Big break for the Colts.
Mentioned because Pagano appears to have Belichicked him. Here we go... this is the other thing that Luck does a lot of. These anonymous non-Hilton receivers are playing much better this half. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are running out of players. Good stop by the Colts defense after that touchdown. Uh-oh. Bad throw and everything, but it was in Hilton's hands and he couldn't hold on to it.The worst part of all of these Colt turnovers is that the Chiefs keep scoring points afterwards. Lots of big gains on this drive. That touchdown to Fleener was a bullet. There is plenty of time left in this game.


Dude's catching passes all over the place. I think this happened in their first meeting, too; just not to this destructive extent. Way to jinx Donald Brown's fumbling, Hicks. Wait, Luck did WHAT?!?!


How does no one see him? Or get to him before he crosses the goal line? The ball went backwards. Anything's possible at this point. The Chiefs are down to their third-string running back. Why are they calling time outs? That was puzzling. All that and now they're only up six with five-plus minutes left. OH MY GOD.
You know what the Chiefs could use is a couple of time outs. GROUNDING. A timeout AFTER THE TWO MINUTE WARNING? SERIOUSLY?

That was ridiculous. In every way possible. (Colts 45, Chiefs 44)

All right... let's do this.

You don't see Brees short hop a throw that often. Debris on the field? What is this, a NASCAR race? Oh, crap, did the Eagles jump on 4th and 2? NO! Spectacular. A couple of Brees' throws have been off already. Who kicked that into the end zone? CUT HIM.


OOPS. Interception! That ball kind of died up there and Stills couldn't adjust. Hey, McCoy gained yards on a carry. That hadn't happened yet. The fans are booing, which probably means the field goal team is out. Oh, it's a Saints injury that they're not buying. Bad move if it IS a fake, though — they're just giving Chip more time to decide what he wants to do. And McCoy got it anyway. Then Foles takes a bad sack and wastes the effort.

Then Henery misses a field goal that should have been 20 yards shorter than it was. Possible turnover here? He MIGHT be down. It's close. The other thing is, if he's ruled down (reversing the call), he's also short of the first down. Yep, they overturned it. Another false start? Wow. I didn't see him move on the replay. So six minutes into the second quarter and we have our first points.


I think Brees is the Saints' leading rusher so far. ANOTHER interception! They're not booing; they're saying "Coop." "American Bandstand"? Really? I think the DJ emptied his "Philadelphia" folder two weeks ago. Uh-oh, Foles is holding the ball again. Touchdown! Thank God Cooper got open.


That hold Brees begged for and got on Cox was the latest flag ever. Like, 2002 NCAA national title game late. I mean, it probably was a hold, but it's disingenuous as hell. That time the three-man rush worked. Moore on the touchdown was the first Saint tonight to get away from a defender after the catch. Cooper may have just dropped another touchdown, which hasn't happened very often this season. That's the first time Colston's seen the ball tonight and it won't count. Ingram's running like his job is at stake, and it kind of is. Did he get in? He did — you can tell from the other side. At least the Flyers just went ahead? And the Sixers are leading the Blazers by the same score IN PORTLAND. What's weird about the way this is playing out is that the Eagles' run defense was actually almost good this year. DeSean! Finally! Also he was held twice but whatever.


Touchdown McCoy. MOTOWNPHILLY. YES.

Good punt return by DeSean. Now it's the Eagles who are abusing this kid #38. And really, for a good #38 in the NFL you probably have to go all the way back to George Rogers. Oh boy. Now what? Fourth and 1 from the opponent's 6 in a six-point playoff game in the fourth quarter... I don't like kicking the field goal here. There's a false start on the field goal attempt, which pretty much settles that decision. I expect Patrick Chung to be plying his trade elsewhere next season. At least the Saints only got three out of it.


That's a BIG pass interference penalty. TOUCHDOWN. Either Jackson or Ertz was getting that one.


Horse collar on top of a big return by Sproles? Not good. It's weird having the Saints be in a position of having to prove something but here we are. Where'd this Robinson guy come from? Damn it. The worst part is the Saints are almost too far away from the end zone for the Eagles to just let them score. Think about this, Saints. Do you REALLY want to go back to Seattle? THINK ABOUT THIS.

And that's that. Well, that was fun while it lasted. (Saints 26, Eagles 24)

What, they couldn't get Ken Anderson to do the game intro with Fouts? I mean, I know Boomer's on staff but he wasn't in that game. (Was he even in college yet?) So this Green kid on the Chargers is their other tight end, yet I don't think he ever lines up as one. This drive feels like someone's picking at a scab, which would make the Wood head touchdown drawing blood. Wow, Dalton missed Bernard badly on that one.


Obligatory chili montage. And Rivers misses Allen badly to counter.

Dalton almost got plastered on that touchdown pass, and Gresham almost didn't catch it. I should mention at some point that the Chargers have lost their starting center, which makes this about the 5,791st offensive line combination they've used this season. And King Dunlap had a really good year, which is stunning to me. Really, McCoy? That's the kind of low-reward, doomed-to-fail challenge that Marvin usually pulls.

Nice catch on the sideline by Jones again. Nooooo Gio! Wait, was he down? Oh, OK, he definitely wasn't — I'm asking the wrong question. Yeah, turning and taking two steps is a football move. Hey, they got it right! Good job, sirs. Fans are booing and the clock's running. Oh, he didn't go forward? That's a rule? I did not know that. Why are they reviewing the catch? This actually benefits the Bengals because it stops the clock, and even more if it's an incomplete pass because they should get those eight seconds or whatever back. So it's a catch.

So the spike DOESN'T COUNT? Now they have to kick this, like, immediately. Is Shannon Sharpe wearing purple velvet? Punting at midfield isn't appreciably better, Bengals. The Chargers are walking down this field and now they have the lead back. Dumb dive, Dalton, whether this is a fumble or not. I mean, that's WHY you slide, so nothing can happen to you. It's a fumble, and he would have been short of the first down even if it hadn't been. Like I said, dumb dive. Hey, it's raining. The blitz caused that interception. Wait, James Harrison just committed a needlessly stupid and dangerous penalty? That's never happened before. That's a semi-critical stop by Maualuga. I say semi-critical because the Bengals' offense has done absolutely nothing this half. I mean, A.J. Green has three catches.
More field goals! Oh. That's just a bad everything by Dalton.




Wow. Green had double coverage beaten and still couldn't hang on. That's the way things have gone for the Bengals today. And the fourth down throw goes five yards over the receiver's head. Shut it down. What, again? I mean, make it stop. We don't need to play these last five minutes. The Bengals aren't coming back. You know who's even more pissed right now? Steelers fans. I meant to mention this earlier but I'm a but surprised Ronnie Brown's gotten so much run in this game. Did Mathews get hurt and I missed it?


(Chargers 27, Bengals 10)


Good Lord, this field looks like a farm yard. I'm looking for feeding troughs and chicken coops. Someone got crossed up on that failed 3rd down. They're going for it? Yeah, I guess they have to — 4th and 6 from the opposing 40 is no man's land. What the... seriously? Harbaugh burns timeouts like he's the brother who coached under Andy Reid for six years. Does Kaepernick always roll left? Even on run plays? Man, Shields and Neal are already out for Green Bay. The Packers have attempted one pass so far. Kaepernick screwed that one up. And why throw in Williams' direction, anyway? They'd done so well picking on House.

And from the air, the field looks like a dirt race track. Daniel Snyder sees nothing wrong with this.


Hey, the Packers are throwing the ball now! About time, McCarthy. And Rodgers finishes it off with an actual frozen rope to Nelson. There's the big Kaepernick run that the Packers always give up. Gore lives up to his name. Buck called that Eric Reid interception like he knew it was coming back. It feels like the Packers haven't stopped throwing once they finally started. They have been mixing in the run, but it doesn't feel like they have. They may as well just run a play on third down here with the clock running. Just not THAT one. And didn't they have a time out left? Well, they got three out of it. We are seeing some historically bad timeout management and the second half just started. That was all quite ineffective. Another one? Andy Reid is shaking his head.


Other than that, this third quarter has been pretty much a non-event except for Brent Celek's little brother catching a pass and Rodgers getting sacked twice in a row. The Packers are really working the run game on this drive. WOW. How did the 49ers let Rodgers get away there? And a Kuhn run seals it. He doesn't make his money with his hops, I'll tell you that much. Attacking House was bound to yield a flag at some point. Now he's hurt?


Nice spin by Davis to catch that. Both of these guys can bring serious velocity on their throws. Getting Rodgers back these last two weeks has done so much for the Packers' offense and that's obvious, but getting Cobb back at the same time really does add another layer. That probably should have been a touchdown.


Every big run Kaepernick's had today — and against the Packers in general — has been to the left side, whether Clay's been there or not. (And it's telling that I'm only now mentioning that Clay Matthews hasn't played today.)

This ending feels... familiar. (49ers 23, Packers 20)


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Sunday, January 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Who We Thought They Were

Signal Finder: CLE @ PIT, CAR @ ATL, NYJ @ MIA (end), BAL @ CIN (end), GB @ CHI, KC @ SD


I'm slightly surprised to see the Steelers throwing so much so early, their success with it notwithstanding. That's not a good turnover by Campbell... gotta have better awareness than that. And that's an equally bad turnover by Ben. Not that any turnovers are good, but those were egregious. Now Roethlisberger's throwing screens into double coverage. (To say nothing of the Browns double covering the receiver on a screen.) This turned into a good drive — Pittsburgh's using lots of underneath stuff. There's another touchdown and that might do it the way the Browns are going. And the Browns' season ends the way it always does — with a horrible interception. Hang tight, Steel City! (Steelers 20, Browns 7)

Falcon touchdowns won't get bigger cheers than Gonzalez catches today. See? Or rather, hear? Three sacks already for the Panthers and they've gotten them all with base pressure. Good Lord, everything is going wrong for the Panthers offensively right now. First the pick, then Williams' big run gets knocked out by a fumble. WHAT. Someone screwed up on that pass and Carolina gets a pick-six out of it. Now Cam's all, "Screw it, I'll do this myself." Most obvious pass interference ever. Dude never let go. Tolbert! Nice coverage. Blink of an eye and Carolina's ahead. When Ryan's had time to remain upright, the Falcons have moved the ball through the air today. That touchdown to White was telegraphed. Late hit? OK. Nice catch by Olson to put the Panthers back up. Matt Ryan's getting demolished out here. That drive took too long to only get three points out of it. A screen to Tolbert on 3rd and 10? Really, Ron? NINE sacks. If you were wondering what happened to the Falcons in 2013, that's one of the things. How didn't the Panthers run out the clock? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? That bad snap just cost the Falcons the game — they lost 16 yards, they didn't get back up to the line right away, and then they lost five more yards and a 10-second runoff on the false start. Unbelievable. Sorry about that, Tony. (Panthers 21, Falcons 20)

Why are the Giants kicking 50-yard field goals? Why kick field goals at all? I'd go on 4th and 20. What have you got to lose besides another game?

Hopefully this brings the "Kirk Cousins is better than RGIII" talk to a violent end:

Also, I love how Fox stayed in-studio between games and never even thought about going to this farce even though it took the longest to end. Godspeed, London Fletcher. (Giants 20, Redskins 6)



crosses off a LOT of people in Miami, probably

Jay Cutler's only beaten the Packers once in his career. Is this a good challenge? I'm not sure. It feels extremely early. Yeah, that's a hold. As easy as the one in the Panthers game. That interception was the first good play Conte's made in about two months.

Both these defenses are going to struggle stopping the opposing offense, even on a full field after a turnover like the Bears just got. Marshall's really good at that. That was a fun video package. Oh, Randall Cobb's back, too? Another interception — that went off Nelson's hands. Good hold by the Packers defense. You've gotta catch that punt. That's not a late hit. I mean, it was late, but it wasn't a hit. Another Hester turnover on a return? What's up with that? Starks has run the ball better than Lacy today. WHAT. They all just stood there for about 20 seconds before Boykin finally jogged into the end zone. That's a fumble.






And I don't understand why that restriction even exists. Makes no logical sense. Now Jeffrey fumbles? Oh Lord. Meanwhile, the Packers have done an abysmal job with their timeouts this half. The Bears are lucky to only be down six at halftime. There's the Devin Hester we know and fear. Forte! That's a heavy dose. There's that Bears run defense. And there's that Bears pass defense. I think the shootout we anticipated is coming. Well somebody screwed that up. Jeffrey just ran away from Shields and it looks like the safety was on the other side of the field. That wasn't a touchdown? Well, that was. This Quarless play should be a catch — the ball never hit the ground. What? Eh, if y'all say so. Someone cover Forte out of the backfield please. How did that work? That pass started off heading nowhere near Marshall and he ended up catching it for a score. Nelson just made four Bears miss at the same time. How does Conte not intercept that? He's so bad. Lacy!

This Packers drive is reminding me of the Falcons' late drive earlier — a lot of time to not make a lot of progress. Fourth and 8 and the Packers have to go. TOUCHDOWN! The safeties on both of these teams would fit in nicely in the NFC East. Because they suck. Here's the thing about that extra point now, though: The Packers are only up five. Do the Bears have this in them? No. Also, fair or not, Cutler's Bears career may well be over. (Packers 33, Bears 28)


CHASE DANIEL LIVES!!!! Notice the Chargers immediately going after the ball on Knile Davis' first carry — they know he's a fumbler. A.J. Jenkins? Well that was quick. I think the Chargers responded in exactly the same manner. What happened? Oh, Allen slipped. Touchdown Chiefs? Touchdown Chiefs. I know I've said this already but Ryan Mathews has been very good this past month. Right now it looks like the Chiefs' offensive backups are better than the Chiefs' defensive backups. Looks like Daniel learned the art of the quick release from Brees — he was being bull rushed before getting off that swing pass to McCluster. We've had several Manti Te'o sightings on this drive. None of his girlfriend, though. Are the Chargers also resting their defensive starters and nobody told us? The Chiefs just went ahead again.

What is surprising to me is that there hasn't been a Raideresque flood of penalties. Keenan Allen might end up Offensive Rookie of the Year. That field goal just tied this game. Is this where the Chargers turn it on? Wait, why is Daniel on the sideline? Heck of a time to go full Wildcat, Andy. Well, now it's over. HE MISSED?!?!? Oh God. We're going to overtime.

Mike McCoy is your new God. This drive is taking forever and that's a key point. It's almost like the Chargers are playing for a field goal here, which isn't all that smart. They made it, at any rate. That pass to McCluster just put things on the borderline of interesting. This would be a great time to put Alex Smith in, am I right? Alas. crosses off Steelers


SING THE SONG. (Chargers 27, Chiefs 24, OT)


I'm scared as hell. They're nervous. Three guys jumped offsides. This isn't good so far. Fumble! RIGHT INTO Fletcher's hands. Polk catching the ball too? Don't understand calling a run on 2nd and 20 but whatever. They probably could have gone for it there. Murray just leveled Damion Square — the backup nose tackle.


That hasn't been called once all season. Why start now? The Eagles have gotten themselves into and out of some bad long situations so far. Avant! How does he concentrate on a ball that was being thrown away? Also, they are abusing this Heath kid. Touchdown. Wait, why is Romo's wife at the game and he's not? That seem odd to anyone else? That wasn't even bad coverage by Boykin but a good catch by Williams. I mean... there wasn't anyone even close to the tight end. You'd think it was Witten they'd failed to cover. It's kind of amazing the Eagles are leading this game given some of the dumb mistakes they've made. That fair catch interference on Boykin was ticky-tack as all get out. KENDRICKS! Dude's been on fire this month. And Jason Witten's too good a player to do that. Wow. Foles is good at that high arcing throw. Turnover, two plays, touchdown. There's that missing coverage again. Good hold. So a sack, followed by a big run by McCoy. Foles had McCoy on the left side on that one. And ANOTHER hard count draws the Eagles offsides. The other side of that is the Eagles have gotten no pressure. Called it, and nice play by Boykin to break that up.


Oh crap. It feels like the Eagles' offensive line has been getting bashed all night and that's what happens. Another good hold by the defense. Hmm, the Eagles have found something on this right side. Hey, Celek's open again. That was... interesting, I guess. DeSean got stuffed at the 6-inch line. Do you go for this? Oh man, somebody on the Cowboys iced the defense. They run a sneak with Foles and he doesn't even come close to making it.


Now the Cowboys have a problem on 4th and 1 from the 40. I think you go. Good job by Collinsworth pointing out the effectiveness of the hard count so far. Barwin knocks it down! He could have hauled it in and gotten some yards. Hey, a Riley Cooper sighting. Chip has gradually slowed the pace here on this drive. Hey, a Bryce Brown sighting! That drive was longer than most Eagles touchdown drives.


You know who's been good tonight is Kyle Orton. That ball to Witten was a laser. Delay of game? Seriously? That seemed sudden and yet it's so Cowboys. What? The clock operator screwed up? Oh, you can't make this stuff up. This is a home game!


Also, given my complaining about the refs earlier, I should point out that they are calling nothing on the outside. Like, Dez and Cary Williams are going to have to draw swords if they want anything called. NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Who called THAT defense? Why would you leave Chung by himself in coverage, and on Bryant, no less? Now for the two-point try. DENIED. Did Barwin get a piece of that one, too? Oh, it was Williams. That kickoff was odd on both sides. What happened there? I mean, at least Foles slid to stay inbounds. BASED PUNTING GOD.















That pick was Romo-esque. Everything after this is... well, I don't really like gravy, so let's call it the whipped cream on a McDonald's milkshake. And I leave you for now with this:


(Eagles 24, Cowboys 22)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (13-3) — Puts down another brick
2. Denver (13-3) — Three incompletions for Peyton. THREE.
3. Carolina (12-4) — Bringing the pressure cooker
4. San Francisco (12-4) — Streaking and dangerous

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-12) — The Raiders don't matter. And that's a bad thing
30. Cleveland (4-12) — Wait... they fired Chudzinski after one year?
31. Houston (2-14) — The misery is over
32. Washington (3-13) — About to start over yet again

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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Tripping Fantastic Lights


Told you. 0-6. I can't find four wins on that remaining schedule. crosses off Giants (Bears 27, Giants 21)

Signal Finder: PHI @ TB, GB @ BAL (end), TEN @ SEA, NO @ NE

Wow. Stay classy, Texans fans. (Rams 38, Texans 13)


That was a mistake. SCREEN PASS. McCoy was unlucky to get tripped up. FOLES QUARTERBACK DRAW. That was entirely too easy. Who says Foles can't run?  Wait, what happened? Yeah, that's gonna hold up. Disappointing. Wait, they're looking at something else?


So fumble, but no points. That's... less bad because the Bucs' so-called offense has to go back onto the field. (They're also missing their No. 2 receiver.) Now it's resistible force vs. movable object. Where's the punt coverage? Why are the Bucs going tackle-eligible here? Well that's discouraging. Right over the middle, too, of course, because the Eagles' secondary is terrible.



Can we get somebody else returning kickoffs? Anyone? I'll do it. (No, I won't.) So many screens and they're working. Why is Jeff Maehl happening? Well, DeSean won that one. Cary Williams is mad about something. Probably a penalty he committed but insists he didn't. Oh, it wasn't on him? I'm genuinely shocked. The heck? Mike Glennon is Michael Vick? That shouldn't happen. The defensive line got gashed on that Martin run. Nobody's beating 6-5 Vincent Jackson to that ball. This sequence to end the half was... weird. Whoa, a pick! I feel like Bradley Fletcher's the best guy in the Eagles' secondary because he never gets mentioned during games. How do you let Riley Cooper run past you? Oh, that's how. Regardless!


He'll fight every doctor in here. Also, I thought this Bucs defense was supposed to be borderline great. They've looked pretty average today, as evidenced by a defensive back allowing RILEY COOPER TO RUN RIGHT PAST HIM. That's a clutch punt. I'm not sure how much you can really learn about Glennon's potential from this game — the Eagles have no pass rush and no back-end coverage. The Bucs have had penalties wipe out more than a couple of big plays — furthering my theory that they'll blow it at the end if it's close. I should mention now that the Eagles have made this Tim Wright character look like Kellen Winslow in his prime. This drive started at Tampa's 1-YARD LINE. Unlucky for Wright to not catch that — he's caught everything else. Somehow that field goal is a moral defeat for both sides. Look at Cooper outrunning more people again. DeSean!!


Now let's get a stop. Hey, a sack. Whoever's coaching the Buccaneers next year should lobby the front office to trade for Foles. Now what? Are they trying to draw the Bucs off? This might work, as undisciplined as they are. It worked! Also, voting for Sign of the Year is officially closed:



There's no strength of schedule in the pros. (Eagles 31, Buccaneers 20)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Bengals 27, Bills 24, OT

See, this is strange. Normally we don't get the late CBS game if the Eagles are playing early on the road. Ryan Fitzpatrick showing why he's the backup again. That's twice now that the Seahawks have gotten zero help from the goal line on punt coverage. Speaking of things that repeat themselves, Fitzpatrick's gotten lucky twice on this drive to not get intercepted. Oh man... and it was the same guy both times. The punter dropped the ball? What? The Seahawks should get at least three out of this now. Apparently the Seahawks' kicker got hurt making a tackle on the kickoff after the touchdown and the punter's warming up now. Bad hold. WHAT?! TOUCHDOWN? Oh my goodness. Dierdorf's explaining that Ryan (kicking because of the kicker's injury) is normally the holder and somebody wearing No. 42 is now holding. This is actually a good argument for using the backup quarterback as the holder so this situation can never present itself. (Though Jay Novacek, a tight end, held for the Cowboys for years, for some reason.) I can't tell if he's down or not.



I can't overturn this, and the refs can't either. Is Sidney Rice still on this team? Oh, there he is, apparently fumbling. The following things went wrong there: All of them. And the Seahawks almost fumble away another one. What's going on up there? Feels like Wilson never passes when he's under center. Is this wise? Does Hauschka have all of his faculties? Well, he made it so I guess he's OK. HOLY CRAP. You should NEVER throw that pass but Lynch was all by himself. There's another fumble! FALL ON IT OH MY GOD. Dude on the Titans tried to scoop it and flipped it right back to Wilson. This game has been insane (-ly sloppy). Fitzpatrick throws another interception. Who thought Titans fans would miss Jake Locker? (who was actually having a good year before he got hurt.) Nice work, Sidney. And there's a score from Lynch. More craziness on this fumble/incomplete pass. Kudos to Kendall Wright for not taking any chances there, and also to Carroll for challenging it. And Carroll gets it reversed. A field goal? Really? You're on the road, down 10 and it's your first time in the red zone? (Seahawks 20, Titans 13)

What the hell, Edelman? Way to telegraph it, first of all, and then to throw it while you're being surrounded? Belichick's losing it.


Also someone tell him this isn't the old Saints defense. Think Brady saw that pass to Watson and sighed wistfully? Touchdown. Ridley's playing? Doesn't he have bad ribs or something? Why yes, he is on my fantasy team's bench. Why do you ask? The rusher on the Lofton sack of Brady wasn't the guy who got him. That drop by Amendola was on a low throw on the run. Meanwhile, the Patriots are covering Jimmy Graham with a cornerback (Aqib Talib) and it's working. Which begs the question: what's Colston's excuse? He's been shut out. That said, you can't keep going three and out against the Saints. Let's just say it: Brady hasn't been all that impressive this year so far. Hey there's Colston finally. Was that a helmet hit on Amendola? Sure looked like it.
Can we take a minute to look at who has scored touchdowns for the Saints in this game? The first guy's name is Travaris Cadet, which has to be made up. Brees make about eight mini-pump fakes before that pick. Oh, he signaled for a time out? And Graham's limping? None of that made any sense.The Patriots will regret not getting a touchdown there. See? And now they're going to tack on three more. Bad, BAD throw by Brady on that deep ball and that might do it. Why would you ever roll out Brees? I mean EVER? Austin Collie's still alive? Saw just before that that Brady just passed Vinny Testaverde for eighth all-time in passing yards, which is also Belichick's fault. Are you kidding me with that throw? Unbelievable.



THERE'S the Rob Ryan defense we know and love. Tom Brady is a wizard. And I say that at least partially because he dresses like one after games. (Patriots 30, Saints 27)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: In my own head, I predicted a pick-six... just not for the Jaguars. I mean, they're within two and we've had our first MJD sighting of the year. Well fought, grand Floridians. (Broncos 35, Jaguars 19).


Nice leisurely jog down the field by the Cowboys to open up. Hey, nice run by Griffin. Let's point out that the Cowboys' defense isn't good either. I mean, Orlando Scandrick is starting. That's really all you need to know.Tip drill interception! Griffin seems to have his running legs somewhat back. Did the Cowboys really give somebody No. 21? And where is Murray, anyway? Hurt again, I'd assume. Why is Collinsworth using "DeAngelo Hall" and "good cornerback" in the same thought? Bad throw by Romo and he's lucky it apparently hit the ground. Ware's walking to the locker room? That's awful for the Cowboys. This punt return, however, is not. THAT'S A PENALTY? I don't know what's more unbelievable; that that is in the rulebook as being against the rules or that it was actually called.


Shanahan's 2-minute offense looks like Mike Holmgren's. They got a drummer up on the platform with the dancing girls? Best nightclub EVER. Dwayne Harris is good at kick returns. Wow, Terrence Williams has actually looked NFL caliber these past two weeks. Except he's out of bounds. Wait, that stood up? Griffin ran around for about a minute before that fumble and the Redskins were lucky they got it back. And as well as he's moved around tonight, he's missed badly on more than a few passes. You know who's been awful this year is Morris Claiborne. Free play! Touchdown! Good timing after Al and Cris talking about how the Redskins haven't run the ball well tonight. Nice kick. #sarcasm The Cowboys are gonna have to go back to a 3-4 if they keep losing defensive linemen like this. Fumble? You laugh at Al's Randy White reference; that dude's three phone calls away. This is like an eighth-effort push and I think he finally got in. Yep. Got a nice push from the center. The Redskins should probably consider throwing down the field. I meant TO RECEIVERS. Oh, Moss fell down. Never mind then. Still, that's probably the end of that. (Cowboys 31, Redskins 16)


NO BANNERS FOR YARDAGE. CHICANERY! A touchdown after that would have been preferable. Te'o! Ryan Mathews' other problem is he can't stay on the field. Dude's as fragile as DeMarco Murray and probably getting paid three times as much. Nice throw, Rivers. Seriously.



Richardson fought his way out of that tackle pretty well. Woodhead! I think Brady misses him, too. Forgive my transgressions; there's playoff baseball on. Luck ran the two-minute drill and got them into field goal range? This is why the Chargers are 2-3. Danny Woodhead is much faster than Pat Angerer. When did King Dunlap stop sucking? I'm pretty sure that aside from Keenan Allen's touchdown, Woodhead has the longest pass play of the night. Nope, there's one to somebody named Green for 25. Another field goal? I mean there's time but still.

Lot of drops tonight, it seems. Gotta go for this, right? Gruden: "You gotta punt it." What? Eh. Here's the thing: "What's wrong with Rivers?" the last three years has been Norv Turner and a front office that couldn't draft and/or keep good players. Did Mathews just run out of bounds? Did Gates make this? It's going to be real close. So because the play started before the two-minute warning, the Chargers are challenging this spot. Aaaand it's short. They should just go for this. I mean, I'm not sure Nick Novak's a guy I'd bank on hitting from 50 here. Whoa! Dude came unblocked and Novak was lucky to get it off. That's probably it. And that's definitely it. (Chargers 19, Colts 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4: 
1. Denver (6-0) - Either learned or taught a lesson in respect
2. Kansas City (6-0) - Yes, they've already blown past last year's win total
3. Seattle (5-1) - Pacific Northwest strangeness
4. New Orleans (5-1) - Blew that one

BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) - Falling off the cliff fast
30. Tampa Bay (0-5) - This organization needs to be quarantined
31. N.Y. Giants (0-6) - Hard to win games when nobody's playing well
32. Jacksonville (0-6) - No moral victories


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