Showing posts with label Chicago Bears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chicago Bears. Show all posts

Friday, September 21, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Down To The Ground

Wait, the main FOX crew's doing the NFL Network games too? Jeez. Talk about slumming it. Man, the Ravens completely overhauled their wide receivers. All three guys are new. Green can't handle that one. Both teams exchange punts, with the Ravens fumbling their return but getting it back. Flacco IMMEDIATELY gets intercepted. Pass into the end zone gets deflected and... intercepted? Incomplete. Referees discuss it and change it to an interception by Weddle. Now they can review it and this is getting overturned — Weddle's left foot was out of bounds. It's overturned. The Ravens' C.J. Mosley being carted off. Ravens get called for DPI in the end zone. Dalton rolls out and finds Green for the touchdown. Lamar Jackson in at receiver, and Flacco goes to Crabtree for a first down. Is this intentional grounding? Refs say Flacco's forward progress was stopped before his throw, so it's a sack. Buck seems skeptical of that reasoning.







Dalton finds Green in traffic,and Green gets out of traffic and scores after breaking a tackle. 14-0 Bengals. Bengals driving AGAIN. Penalty on 3rd and 13 keeps the drive going. Green AGAIN!! And it's not like the Ravens aren't covering him. He's just been that good.





The Bengals have scored 45 straight points going back to Sunday. Jackson back in, this time at quarterback, but Sam Hubbard just blew up whatever the Ravens may have been planning there. John Brown makes a big catch in traffic (he's not as large as Green) for a 45-yard gain. Pass interference in the end zone gives the Ravens the ball at the 1. Buck Allen scores. Apparently Collinsworth trolled Aikman by telling him he'd be relaxing at home watching this game tonight. Dalton finds Tyler Boyd down the sideline for 21. Boyd again on third down. And this time it's Boyd for the touchdown. Ravens in four-down territory at the 2-minute warning. THE FIRST ONE. Ravens hold and the Bengals have to punt. Flacco airmails it for Brown, but Dre Kirkpatrick bumps him slightly (Incidental contact; no reason to throw a flag) and drops an interception. Then he gets flagged for pass interference and it's Ravens ball at the 1. Alex Collins gets stuffed on first down. This time Crabtree pushes off Kirkpatrick, but the Bengals called time out, so the play doesn't count. FINALLY Flacco finds rookie TE Mark Andrews for a touchdown.




Justin Tucker from 55 and the touchdown run is snapped. 28-17 Bengals. Another interception from Flacco. Things have slowed down considerably. Ravens pick up 3rd and 1 on a Flacco sneak. Touchdown John Brown! Bengals want a penalty but won't get it. Two-point conversion fails but it's still a five-point game with 9:35 left. Actually, Collinsworth is here, as the Bengals honored the 1988 Super Bowl team. Mixon back for the Bengals. First down after a penalty after an incompletion on 3rd and 2. Bengals can't make 3rd and 15, but they're at the Ravens' 11 for what should be an easy field goal. It's good, and it's 31-23. Flacco rolls out... that is a fumble. Bengals take over. Field goal makes it 34-23. 48 seconds left — the Ravens should spike it and kick the field goal right now. They spike it, but they keep running plays. Harbaugh has botched this and they won't get the ball back.  Hey, this score looks familiar. (Bengals 34, Ravens 23)

Signal Finder: KC @ PIT, PHI @ TB, MIN @ GB (end), NE @ JAX, OAK @ DEN (end)

The Chiefs force a three-and-out, so the Steelers punt it short of Tyreek Hill. But DeAnthony Thomas IS there, and he returns it for 31 yards, and then 12 more after he bobbled the ball. Travis Kelce dinged for OPI. Mahomes with a bullet to Chris Conley for the touchdown. Hey, it's Sammy Watkins. Hey, there he is again. Touchdown Kelce! Steelers driving finally. Third down pass is too high and Boswell MISSES from 49. Now an end around to Watkins, who's given them some big plays already. Mahomes to Hill for a touchdown!




21-0 and they're booing softly in Pittsburgh. Sack/fumble/Chiefs touchdown is negated by defensive holding on Orlando Scandrick, who, remarkably, is still in the league. Ben finds Juju. Steelers clicking again. Ben throws up a lob and Road Dogg catches it for a touchdown. Steelers driving again. Screen to Juju to the outside gives them first and goal. Too high for James. Juju in the corner for the touchdown. Missed extra point.




The Chiefs' offense has ground to a halt. That's kind of a ridiculous over-the-shoulder catch by James. Conner tries his best OBJ impression but lands out of bounds, but there was pass interference. Touchdown Steelers! Two-point conversion succeeds and we're tied. 21-21 at halftime. Second half starts similarly to the first — with a big play. This time it's Mahomes to Hill for 36. Mahomes to Kelce for the touchdown. Juju's just gonna run away from linebackers, guys. Is that an honest-to-goodness fullback? This is close. It's called a touchdown and I think it'll stand. Yep. Put it on the board for Conner. We're tied again. That hair is terrible. The Steelers cannot tackle Travis Kelce.




Touchdown Chiefs. Incomplete, they now say. Nah, that's a catch. Throw the flag, Andy. Call reversed. Touchdown. Mahomes just missed Watkins. The doctor gets flagged for illegal use of hands. Concerning. Hill! SIX. TOUCHDOWN. PASSES.




A safety breaks up the monotony. Chiefs fumble! Steelers have it! Big gain by James. Great pass breakup by new Chief Kendall Fuller, keeping Brown out of the end zone. Roethlisberger takes off and... SCORES? Yes! Extra point is good. Chiefs running clock successfully. Steelers force a punt on 4th and 6... and run into the punter. (Chiefs 42, Steelers 37)

It is HOT. SON OF A GOD DAMN BITCH.




I fucking hate him. I always have. Eagles follow up with a three-and-out on offense. That's a good punt. Ryan Fitzpatrick protects the football? What?? 43-yard punt return by Clement nullified by a penalty. Ajayi out with a back injury. Two straight first downs for the Eagles. Then two straight penalties, and three on the last four plays. 2nd and 40! That ended how you imagine it did. Now the Bucs face a 3rd and 21, and that also ended how you imagine it did. Foles scrambles for a first down. Foles loses the ball, and it's ruled a fumble and the Bucs recover. That's close, but I think it stands. Confirmed. Well then. The Eagles get it back two plays later off of a deflection! JPP with the sack. Punt lands right on the goal line. Mike Evans with a straight-up drop. The Bucs haven't done much offensively since that first play. Ertz with a first down catch. Pass interference on Chris Conte, who is bad. Josh Perkins gets a catch? Feels like the Eagles are throwing too much on this drive. Agholor gets spun around and comes up short on 3rd and 7, it looks like. Length of the football. Pederson's going for it. Foles sneak gets it. Ertz was open on that first-down breakdown. Touchdown Clement! O.J. Howard for a 75-yard touchdown!




He caught six passes in his entire career at Alabama, only in bowl games, and they were ALL like this. (I'm exaggerating. Sort of.) He got help from a great block by Chris Godwin on Jenkins. Extra point is MISSED. Bucs actually driving this time. Eagles forget to cover Godwin and he's wide open for a touchdown. 20-7. Foles finds Ertz down the sideline. Elliott CLANGS from 42. Nothing going right. Ajayi back out to start the second half. Ertz has to come back to his and he's short. Pederson going for it on 4th and 4 from the Tampa 49. Doesn't work. DeSean with a catch inside the 10. Cox walks off. Fitzpatrick finds Evans in the back of the end zone. I know FitzMagic has never been sustainable but is there a chance Jameis Winston doesn't get his job back in two weeks? This is his sixth start against the Eagles,and for his sixth team. He started the Eagles-Bengals tie? Wild.
Big pass play to Agholor. Conte's replacement stops Agholor on a reverse. Fourth and 1 from the Bucs' 5. Foles sneak again works. Touchdown Ajayi. Jenkins strips the ball from Evans and the Eagles have it. Clement takes a shot while laying out for that 4th down pass and he's slow to get up.




Agholor's gotta call for a fair catch there. Was that a catch? Eh, no matter, DPI gives the Eagles a first down. Eagles are going for it on 4th because they ran Ajayi on third. Crazy catch by Agholor in the back corner of the end zone for the touchdown, and then he hurdles a cameraman afterwards. Do you onside kick here? They do not. Hmmm. DeSean beats Mills again, and that might be it. Pitchy pitchy woo woo fails as always. Just a bad loss all around. (Buccaneers 27, Eagles 21)

Someone hit Cam and actually got flagged for it? It's a new age. (Falcons 31, Panthers 24)




WOW! Taylor put just enough on that ball and put it in just the right place for Callaway. That looked like a sure overthrow.


So. Browns. And we're in the Superdome, so you can guess how it went from here. (Saints 21, Browns 18)




Oh, no, bad Mason Crosby. Packers going to overtime because of some BS. Cook with a big run. Replay of the hit in question. Yeah, I get the rule, but that wasn't what happened there. New Vikings rookie kicker Daniel Carlson from 49. Not even CLOSE. Packers forced to punt. Thielen! Vikings grinding clock. Carlson on again. ARE YOU SERIOUS.








That's a terrible loss for the Packers. Also a Scorigami but you probably figured that. (Vikings 29, Packers 29, OT)

Wait, Donte Moncrief's on the Jaguars now? He just caught a touchdown pass. KEENAN COLE THOUGH. That's the OBJ catch but over the opposite shoulder. Corey Grant making people miss. Touchdown Cole! Eric Rowe beaten both times. 14-0. Keep putting the pressure on. Everyone on the Patriots' sideline is angry. Slow going for the Pats' offense. Hey, there's rookie Sony Michel. That's helmet-to-helmet, yeah. Field goal is good. Bortles again. Touchdown Jags! 21-3 at halftime.




Bortles to Cole for 14. Nantz points out that this is happening despite no Fournette and losing their left tackle early in the game. Cole remains uncovered. BORTLES SCRAMBLE. That elusiveness. First and goal! Somehow Bortles is third-all time in yards per rush by a quarterback, behind Vick and Bobby Douglass. There'll be no touchdown on this drive.




Gronk's been silenced. 2 catches, 8 yards? Brady overthrows Philip Dorsett, who's bad. Rookie D.J. Chark gets the ball knocked out and the Pats recover. Uh-oh.




Michel bulls through the line. Brady to Hogan for the touchdown. Jaguars can't answer. James White with a big run. Cordarrelle Patterson's on the Patriots? He just fell down after catching a pass on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good.




Bortles throws an interception off Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who's had more than his share of bad luck against the Patriots. Pats ball at the Jacksonville 25. FUMBLE. Jaguars ball! Dante Fowler does his best Brandon Graham impression. Bortles collides with Stephon Gilmore and is stopped short on 3rd and 5. Go for it, Jaguars. FALSE START. Christ. Now they gotta punt. Jags challenging the spot. This seems close... could this actually work? Overturned and short. Fourth down and the Patriots punt.




Jags jumped offsides but nobody saw it. Dede Westbrook? DEDE WESTBROOK! TOUCHDOWN! Hey, Philip Dorsett actually caught a pass. Patterson again. Touchdown to Hogan. Patriots kick it off short. Niles Paul? Really? I don't know if the Pats' defense is still that bad but Bortles has been legitimately great. The Patriots aren't gonna get the ball back, are they? NOPE. Lessons learned. Feels like the Patriots have had an early-season flop the lat few years. This lessens the pain. (Jaguars 31, Patriots 20)

In his last three games, Matt Patricia-coached defenses have given up 119 points to Nick Foles, Sam Darnold, and Jimmy Garoppolo. (49ers 30, Lions 27)

Get out of bounds, kid! That was dicey. McManus in. Kickers haven't had the best day today. It's GOOD! (Broncos 20, Raiders 19)

TAVON AUSTIN. Glad somebody finally got something out of him after five years.




I mean, yeah. That's why you make that mistake. Big run by Elliott. Austin again.




Now Dak with a run and the Cowboys have found some meat on that left side. Drive stalls, but the field goal is good this week. My answer to last week question of "Do the Giants even have four good linebackers" is probably "no" on first glance. TACO. That was an... interesting way to field that punt. What are the Giants doing? At least they went for it that time. Dak finds Terrence Williams. That didn't last long. The Giants still can't protect Eli. Another punt. Cowboys have controlled this game but they haven't done much since the first two drives. Meanwhile, the Giants can't do anything at all.




And the Giants start the second half by letting Eli get sacked and fumble. Poor tackling by the Giants leads to a first down. No idea what Dak was trying to do there. That ball's never landing inbounds. Cowboys settle for three. Eli throws over a double-covered Beckham and it still almost gets picked. He then finds Cody Latimer (?) for a big gain into Cowboys territory.




Someone's down for the Giants. Is that a leg brace or an air cast? Whatever it is, it looks bad. Cart's out. Eli overthrows Sterling Shepard. Eli tries to run and gets wrecked by Jaylon Smith. Kicker is out. Field goal is good. Beckham out to return this punt. Eli sacked again. That's, what, six? Prescott picks up a first down on a fourth-down sneak. Elliott gets to the second level. Cowboys in the red zone. Elliott appears to get stuffed on 3rd and 2, then cuts left to get the first down, then scores. We're done here. Can we get a Sean Lee update? Oh, their top draft pick is in. Eli finds an uncovered Engram for a touchdown that likely won't amount to much. Giants recover the onside kick? OK then. Beckham was going to get creamed either way on that ball into the end zone. Giants should have kicked the field goal by now. They're botching this the same way the Ravens did on Thursday night.




They do with 14 seconds left, and now Sean Lee's back out with the hands team for some reason. This was a fast game. It's not even 11:30. Kudos to all involved for that, at least. (Cowboys 20, Giants 13)

Russ almost fumbles that away but is ruled down. The Seahawks haven't scored on their opening drive in almost two seasons (31 games).




Trubisky SCRAMBLING. Breaking tackles, even. Trubisky sidearms a laser just past new Seahawk Mychal Kendricks to Jordan Howard, who takes off for 17 yards. Shovel pass to Burton for the touchdown.




Wilson not making optimal decisions, such as throwing to a double-covered tight end. TARIK COHEN PUNT RETURN. Not to the house, but he does get to the 40. That looks like a first down, but I'm not sure. They measure and it's about a yard short. The Bears go for it and Howard picks it up. Trubisky makes a bad read on an option and the Seahawks snuff it. Wilson was lucky he wasn't sacked in the end zone there. Trubisky underthrows Robinson and it's picked by Shaquill Griffin (the older of the Griffin twins and has also been in the league longer). Seahawks still can't get the ball moving. Tipped and picked AGAIN By Shaquill! Looks like Kendricks tipped it. DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: RIGHT side. Um, block Khalil Mack, Seahawks. Um, BLOCK KHALIL MACK, SEAHAWKS. It's like 4th and 56 now. (26. Apples and oranges.)




Bad snap, bad punt. This game may end 7-0. Trubisky finds Cohen downfield after the play breaks down. Robinson stretches and converts 3rd and 5. Urlacher in the house! He's getting his Hall of Fame ring tonight. Direct snap to Burton? Are these the Chicago Bears? Field goal is good. Trevathan with a sack and that's five this half. Wilson saves this drive with a scramble. Are they bringing on Seabass here? Yep. They look like basketball shorts on him. Janikowski from 56. Easy as pie. 10-3 Bears at the half. Kendricks with a sack for the Seahawks.




DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: LEFT side. Carroll calls time out to figure out this third down call. Pressure breaks down the Seattle offensive line (again) (shocker) and a swing pass to Mike Davis comes up short. Is Eddie Lacy still in the league? Seahawks punt. Bears aren't doing a great job of getting Taylor Gabriel in space — his speed is nullified when he's in traffic like that. Like that. That's better. They're doing a lot of this on this drive. Trubisky rolls left and hits Anthony Miller for the touchdown. Wilson somehow finds Tyler Lockett on 3rd and 14. Was he down? Yeah, his knee's down. No fumble. The Seahawks' offensive line also cannot block anyone. Amukamara gets hit with illegal contact. Did Lockett CATCH that? Touchdown! A dropkick kickoff? Really? I mean, it worked. WOW. Amukamara just picked the Seahawks' pocket. 24-10 Bears and that might be the ball game. Seahawks pick up a first down and now need to speed up. Fumble! Bears ball! THAT'S game.




I don't think Wilson ever saw Trevathan. So what's the issue on this punt? Bears touched it first so it's just a touchback, right? Nope, Seahawks ball at the 1. ESPN replaced Gerry Austin with JEFF TRIPLETTE? That's actually a downgrade. Seahawks running out of time. Touchdown with 14 seconds left. Dropkick ONSIDE kick. Yeah, that ain't happening. (Bears 24, Seahawks 17)


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Saturday, September 27, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Stuck In a Craw

Devin Hester is still good at his job. The Buccaneers' new white uniforms are somewhat less offensive to my sensibilities than the black ones. Wait 'til you see those monstrosities.


Why is Steven Jackson still viable? He's like 206. Oh, Gerald McCoy's out? That explains all of this blood. Why is Kroy Biermann running downfield with a running back? The Bucs' punter just saved a touchdown. SO, wait, there were two flags? Whatever. Should've done that the first time. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO. Man, Jackson's speed is gone. How did he get around the corner? I guess we're not covering Julio Jones tonight. The kick returner just got steamrolled. That's not a fumble? Whatever. That was too easy. The Josh McCown Experiment has been an utter failure so far. Wait, I missed another touchdown? Oh, Hester struck? All right.
Another fantastic catch by Jones in traffic. At least they covered him this time. This fumble scrum is turning into a fight. Buccaneers ball! That went well. Hester AGAIN.


McCown's hurt? I wouldn't bother at this point.


Yeah, here's Glennon. Mike Evans just ran 10 yards backwards after that catch. The sad thing about this field goal is Bryant's not even showing off here. He just missed it wide.


Glennon needs to run faster if he's going to do that. Jones is out here murdering fools. And now a bad snap leads to Falcons ball at the 1. Jackson fought like a madman to get that touchdown.


T.J. Yates lives! WELP. The Bucs have straight given up. Seriously, why are they already replacing the Georgia Dome? At least they're not punting here. They scored! Whoa, Yates just threw a pick-six, and because of that, despite everything else, the Tampa Bay defense probably still got you positive fantasy points tonight. raises hand He does that six more times and we've got a game. How are there still six minutes left? (Falcons 56, Buccaneers 14)

Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI; DEN @ SEA

It's oddly misty out there. Joe Buck shouting out Tone Loc is frightening. There's DeSean with a catch and he gets booed. SERIOUSLY?!?!? DeSean clearly shoves Nate Allen first and Allen gets flagged? That's some bullshit right there. The makeup call wasn't much better, either. So we're looking for a hands to the face? Oh, the guy's helmet came off. Try covering Young near the goal line next time. Well I guess Chris Polk's healthy. Three other guys followed him into the tunnel.


FOX has this thing now on their ticker where they have a yellow line next to the arrow for possession and it doesn't look that good. The Eagles' defense is offering zero resistance. Fletcher's been getting lit up like Williams usually does. I hate the squib kick. FINALLY the Eagles go on offense. So Sproles loses his footing, fumbles, and there's a holding penalty on top of it. Perfection. And Cousins still hasn't missed. But I repeat myself. OH MY GOD A STOP ON THIRD DOWN.




Oh, Kelce. You didn't need to do anything there. But like Aikman said, dude was stride for stride with Maclin, for God's sake. Nice job, Cooper. Washington will challenge this for no reason. Ertz! Just as Buck starts talking up the Redskins defense Matthews catches them napping. Good job showing up, rook. How did Garcon catch that? And why did Cousins throw it there when he knows the double coverage is coming? Fletcher's having a terrible game. It's the Jordan Matthews Show all of a sudden. Foles should have eaten that. Matthews again! Did he get his feet down? Sick throw into traffic by Foles, too. Now Kelce's hurt? Oh boy. Italian Market B-roll? That's different. That pass interference may have saved a touchdown, actually — Matthews catches that otherwise and he maybe wins that race. I'd have run it on 3rd and 3 but that's me. A three-and-out! Now Erin's saying that they're looking at Jason Peters on the sideline also. Two minutes later they throw the flag for a face mask on Sproles. And they called it a horse collar? Is this a Pac-12 crew? Now Foles is dinged?



Sproles just does things, man. We got a roughing call? Aikman sounds like he doesn't really like it. McCoy is really struggling this season so far. So Chip's challenging the run after the catch. Forcing a third down! Sweet! I think. Cousins has missed a few throws in the second half. Sproles just got tripped up or that had potential. Aaand that's what we were all afraid of. Also Cousins had three days to throw that pass. Williams is mad at somebody on the sideline. He should be mad at himself for missing the tackle.


Here's the thing, and anyone who roots for a team can relate to this: You have your favorite teams that you like, maybe even love. You root for them all the time, through good and bad, thick and thin. But you have favorite players; guys you like more than other guys. And then there's that one guy that every team has (and yes, every team has this player) that, for some reason, you just don't like that much. The guy who's just hard to root for. The reason rarely matters but always varies -- maybe he's just not good, maybe bad things happen whenever he's prominently involved, maybe he's very good but does maddening things every so often, maybe his personality just drives you nuts, maybe you think he should be better than he is. For me, and for the Eagles, DeSean was that guy. When he got cut, I thought, "They're going to miss him on the field. This doesn't make any sense. But at least we don't have to put up with all of his other crap any more." Of course, then he signed with Washington (and don't underestimate that part of this particular equation) and we learned we would have to put up with all of his other crap. That's why he's getting booed so gleefully even though we'll never know what he did wrong... because cheering him was just too much work.

Back in the immediate moment, the other problem is the Eagles' offensive line is just running out of guys and Foles is taking hits. "Tress Way"? That's a name? That's something a human being is called? The Eagles' secondary has been bad today but, again, they've gotten absolutely no pass rush on Cousins. CLANG! Off the upright and NO GOOD. Oh boy... Foles is down again, he threw an interception, and now there's a brawl on the field. Well, that's not an interception. Foles got plastered after the fact and that's what started the fisticuffs.



Wait, how did Trent Williams get thrown out, too? Baker got tossed, and rightfully so. So did they mean to throw out Peters? Because that would make... somewhat more sense. OK, so Peters is out.



NEW AUDIENCE. Y'all just missed some foolishness, by the way. This feels like we're headed for overtime. The Eagles should win this challenge — Maclin's knee was down. Yep. They get a free spin, too! MACLIN!! Was that Meriweather he beat? Foles is having the kind of game that'll get these fans behind him. Jenkins with the interception! Now seems like a good time to point out that Andy would have completely abandoned the run three quarters ago. Feels like that's the first time we've seen Helu all day. That didn't take long.



Onside kick? I say no. Three-and-out was the last thing the Eagles needed. That holding penalty wiped out a good punt and forced a bad one on the rekick. A turnover would be helpful. Seriously, why doesn't Boykin start? Cousins missed Garcon and the Eagles will somehow hold. Now to run clock. They need a first down. James Casey lives! That's the end of that. (Eagles 37, Redskins 34)




REMATCH. Well, at least the Broncos got their first play off this time.




Did the Seahawks steal that pass to the quarterback play from the Bengals earlier? And Wilson took a shot. That's not a touchdown from Lynch. The Broncos are already off to a better start than the last time this happened. It helps the Broncos that they've gotten some guys back since then and added some new ones. That third-down stat for the Seahawks defense is amazing(-ly bad). Good throw by Wilson on the touchdown to Lockette. And another Broncos turnover as Demaryius Thomas loses the fumble. Unless he didn't catch it in the first place. This is why I need to be commissioner, I'd simplify SO MUCH of this stuff. That was odd... Baldwin caught the ball, made the one guy miss, then everyone else just stopped and he gained about seven more yards. Touchdown Lynch and this is starting to feel familiar. The Broncos can't get down the field. I mean, they're trying this time at least. They just can't do it. Hauschka missed that? Weird. This game seems like it's going by fast. How did Wilson not lose that fumble? Did he lose it? SAFETY and that looked doomed from the get-go. Tip interception by the Broncos. Peyton finds Julius Thomas and we've got a game, maybe. Intercepted by Chancellor! That might be it. Hauschka's not even going to get to kick this, is he? Oh, it's 4th down. Never mind. Let's see if this works. Someone got their wires crossed when those two Seahawks collided. I don't wanna get hit by Kam Chancellor. This all looks like the same play. Touchdown! That dude's still got it. Going for two here. Thomas! They're taking an awful long time to look at this. I mean, even I figured it out after the second or third watch. Count it and we're tied!




The Seahawks will sit on this. "Good afternoon." It's STILL afternoon, dude. Tarvaris Jackson's in on the coin toss? Seahawks not all that interested in throwing the ball downfield, but why should they be? It's death by a thousand cuts right now.




Wilson's been their best runner on this drive. And Lynch ends it. That's not ideal, but it's still better than college overtime. (Seahawks 26, Broncos 20, OT)

Fernando Velasco? Wasn't he in the Indians' bullpen four years ago? Flags everywhere! Good catch by Brown. "You're not even close." Roethlisberger can get this himself and he does. Touchdown! That's a perfectly placed throw. Wait, they called it incomplete? The Steelers have to challenge this, right? I'm not sure I agree with letting this go. This game's about as interesting as the Ravens-Steelers game was, which is to say not in the least. More fisticuffs? Man, there are a ton of Steelers fans in the house tonight. They're everywhere.




That's a fumble and there was a huge pop when the Steelers recovered it. Did anyone even hit Cam? And the Steelers still won't get a touchdown out of it. Wait, someone jumped offsides on the field goal attempt? Wait, Roethlisberger hasn't thrown the ball yet? Touchdown! Oh man, they've got Ike Taylor's arm in something. Cam missed two guys on that 3rd down pass.




Damn, Kuechly got busted up on that Bell jaunt. They're gonna call offensive pass interference here? Another touchdown for Brown. Greg Olsen just outran a cornerback. NBC DJ breaking out Janet's "Black Cat." PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Steelers are literally running this defense ragged. Blount finishes it off after his big sprint and that's the end of that, as shown by Derek Anderson's entry. Nice coverage. Stop showing off, Blount. Yes, you've got hops at 245 pounds. We get it. (Steelers 37, Panthers 19)


"The Sons Of Anarchy."  Oh, Jon. They've been using that in New York for two years. Well that's an inauspicious beginning. Just a terrible throw.




See, the one to Ivory on the second drive, that's better. You just need a little patience, Geno. What was that weirdness with Vick? Hey, Santonio Holmes! Nice to see him back in the league after two years. Well that punt was a comedy of errors. First it almost gets blocked, then the Jets muff it and the Bears get it back. Not sure that was defensive PI. Cutler ends up finding Bennett and it's 14-0. Wait, what first down? They scored!




Decker took a shot on that catch over the middle. His hamstring looks OK. That drive started well but sputtered out. Now the Bears receivers are just running through the Jets defense. Bennett dropped that touchdown three times but DEFENSIVE HOLDING. Jets football, ladies and gentlemen! Still, they kept the Bears out of the end zone so good on them. Nice pass to the rookie Jace Amaro. Another field goal? Well, it's something. Marshall's hurt? Well, that ankle wasn't going to hold up forever.
Gotta secure the football. Gruden's desperately trying not to say "Who the hell is calling these plays?"




Kerley's a good guy to have around as long as you don't push him beyond his limits. I'm not sure if those are his limits, but well done.




I had no idea the Jets forced the fewest turnovers last season. Nice shout out to the replay officials. The Jets utterly wasted that opportunity. The only thing worse would have been them giving the ball back. Antonio Allen just stopped Matt Forte's longest run in two weeks. Bennett again? Jebus. The Jets got real lucky that Fuller's leg was still on the sideline there. Geno probably could have run for that but Amaro just dropped it. Seriously, Geno?




Then Allen misses a chance to get it back when Cutler got hit and threw up a duck. Who is calling these plays? A shotgun quarterback draw into the blitz? Are you nuts? They're lucky that wasn't a fumble. The Jets have Quinton Coples guarding Brandon Marshall on the outside? Are they shaving points? How many have they left on the field tonight?




Another field goal for the Bears and that might do it. This is an important spot. The Bears are challenging this and they might win it. Call stands. Why are the Jets running the ball? Greg Salas? Really? The Bears are out of safeties like the Eagles are out of offensive linemen. And that's four straight incompletions. Good job, everyone involved! This game sucked. Bucs-Falcons was somehow better than this. (Bears 27, Jets 19)

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Friday, September 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Breeding Contempt

I'd be OK with the Ravens going 0-16. They've never been easy to root for even when things were good. Now? Forget it. James Brown just spit FIRE.


I see we've got delay issues. Yeah, that's definitely roughing the passer. Lot of legal hitting going on, too, as is standard in these games. Antonio Brown's gotten popped big twice already like the Ravens are avenging the Browns' punter. FUMBLE. Phil Simms is advocating going for it? What is this, the New 52?



Flacco threw that right into a pass interference call. Yeah, this "no number 2 receiver" thing is going to haunt the Steelers, I think. Did DHB even make the roster? So it's the Bernard Pierce era now in Baltimore, kind of. Did Ben just make the defender okey-doke himself on the Bell run? He did! All that time for a field goal? That seems like a waste. Now Nantz and Simms are talking about how bad Ray Rice was last year. Which he was, but that hardly seems like the most important thing right now.



That flag on Polamalu was close. I love that they put down Hochuli's chyron that he's a 23-year referee after he was facing the wrong way while announcing that penalty. The one on Mitchell was called incorrectly - that hit was late, nothing more. Hey, Owen Daniels scored again. Now what's this one? Oh, a face mask. Good hold by the Steelers to force the field goal. That is a catch and a fumble. I'm really only half-watching this because it's so, well, boring. The Steelers can't do anything and there's no tension, which just shouldn't be the case when these two teams play. Ben's gotta start throwing it or the receivers have to start catching it, one or the other. I mean, at least they're holding the Ravens to field goals? I'm looking for anything here. I guess Antonio Brown's having a good game? Well, that's the end of that. (Ravens 26, Steelers 6)

Signal Finder: AZ @ NYG, JAX @ WSH, NO @ CLE (end), NYJ @ GB

Carson's a late scratch for the Cardinals so Drew Stanton's going to start. Lot of things went wrong on that delay of game/personal foul double shot. Stanton is doing work on this Giants defense. If this continues, they may as well close up shop. Somehow a open-field tackle attempt on Rashad Jennings went as badly as possible. The blitz caused that interception.

DRC already having a better game than he did last week.
Nice throw by Eli to Cruz. Touchdown Giants. The Giants are making this Cardinals defense look pretty ordinary right now. Patrick Peterson's furious about something. Probably the fact that the Giants are walking down the field on his unit. And now they've gone ahead. SPEED II got backed up there.




SPEED II!! One Giant missed a tackle and he was gone. Did the Giants just fumble the ensuing kickoff? Jesus, Cruz. How do you not catch that? He did it AGAIN! This Larry Donnell guy is going off. Oh, he's a tight end and it's against the Cardinals, who got lit up by tight ends all of last season. Jennings just fumbled the ball trying to juke a defender.




Now Randle's dropping passes. Good job, Drew Stanton. applauds (Cardinals 25, Giants 14)


Johnny Football LIVES! If only for three plays. The Browns scored 26 points with no Josh Gordon and Jordan Cameron missing the second half? There's the Rob Ryan defense we know and love.


(Browns 26, Saints 24)

Gruden should challenge this. Oh, that's a bad non-reversal — DeSean was down by contact. Man, Hurns catches that ball last week — he smoked DeAngelo Hall. Now we're seeing mirror images — both teams have lost a big play and taken a sack on the ensuing third down. So a wild, off-blance throw by Griffin is caught mostly because Jacksonville's corners may be the worst in the league. Oh no. This looks bad. Then Cousins comes in and finds the fullback all by himself in the end zone. Now DeSean's down.










Is Cousins limping too or just tired? Oh, I guess he's fine. The Redskins' defense is just teeing off right now. I mean, they're tearing these guys apart. Good Lord, Washington's pass defense completely broke down on the touchdown to Lewis. How did he not get caught from behind, though? The safety was Meriwether's replacement, so the result would have been the same regardless. Here's the thing: The only reason the Jags made anything happen defensively last week was because Foles was literally giving the ball to them. They got torched in the second half last week. Nothing's changed. Meanwhile, Cousins just wasted 10 seconds after that sack. That's the second time Henne's taken off and run.




Kai Forbath sounds like the name of a guy who should be playing in the second division of La Ligue. These are two pretty bad offensive lines. Wilcots is making the correct point that you can't put Bortles behind this line and I'll add that that's a large part of why Gabbert was such a failure.(Redskins 41, Jaguars 10)

Object Lesson Of The Week:



(Cowboys 26, Titans 10)

Trent Green! Welcome! Rodgers fumbles the opening snap? OK. They were worried about this last week and it ended up not being a problem. Not exactly a strut into the end zone by Geno but it got the job done. The Jets' pass rush is going to give this Packers offensive line problems. Like so. Decker!!
Bizarre catch by Jordy Nelson — he stopped half of his body in mid-air to bring that down. That, however, is not a catch. Going for a 4th and 2 from the opponents' 28? Rex wants to bury these guys. THEN Geno almost gets crushed, finds Powell open in the flat, and converts another third down. And it all pays off with a touchdown. The Packers bench just got flagged for something. Ohhhh. The refs missed that hit out of bounds on Nelson. Something got screwed up on that too-quick pass Rodgers threw on 2nd down and goal. Crowd is booing the Packers' decision to kick here. Crosby made the kick and they're still booing. They cheered the one he made from La Crosse, though. That interception's a huge break for the Packers because the Jets were about to score again. Jason Babin being a detriment to his team? That's never happened before. To say nothing of the Jets' second-best player being down injured right now. Well the Packers just drove all the way down the field. How did this take six minutes before we got a challenge? Yeah, that's fine. Now what? It looks like Geno was trying to ground it but did he get it away in time? Carey thinks it's really a backward pass, not a fumble, but it'll still be Packers ball. A whole mess of carnage right now after the Packers take the lead. Wilkerson just got thrown out! Oh, well he threw two punches. That'll do it every time. Prediction: The Jets lose this game.After this field goal ties it, of course. But they had this thing in the bad and it trickled away piece by piece. NELSON!! Unreal.




No, no. Rex HAD to have called that time out, right? Only the head coach can call time out from the sideline, right? What a Jets way to lose. (Packers 31, Jets 24)

THE RUSSIAN IS CUT! (Chargers 30, Seahawks 21)





I mean, how do you not notice that? J.J. Watt's on the field on offense FOR A REASON. (Texans 30, Raiders 14)

The 49ers' new digs may as well be in Los Angeles, to hear the locals tell it. It's very angular. Why is dude from Train holding two microphones? Blocked punt! Crabtree was wide open.




Wait, the 49ers got away with having the play clock run out of them? That never happens. Boldin was wide open on that pass, too. Jonathan Martin lives! (And Richie Incognito's still out of work, for the record.) Interception? Don't think so. Man, NBC putting the Bears on blast with that graphic. (And rightfully so.)




Wait. They overturned the catch because of THAT? Weak. Sauce. The Bears can't get anything started. Collinsworth has a point — the Bears' receivers can't outrun anybody right now, but let them go up and jump for these balls. Holy crap, Conte. That's the best thing that guy will ever do. There's a million flags on this punt. Only one on the re-kick, though. Fumble! And then the Bears fumble and the 49ers blow a chance to get it back. This Bostic guy on the Bears seems to overrun everything. Cutler channeling Kaepernick? What? Then he takes a sick shot to the chest that was rightfully flagged and Alshon Jeffrey had to break up the ensuing interception.




Matt Forte has done nothing tonight. GREAT one-handed grab by Marshall. Now Gore's running like Forte. Good stop by the Bears. Why do the 49ers keep committing bad penalties? I mean, 100 yards in penalties through three quarters is downright Raider-esque. Touchdown Bears and this game shouldn't be as close as it is. Interception?!? And another flag because of course there is.




Touchdown Bears. This is wild.




And Kaepernick throws ANOTHER interception! Though that's more a good play by the rookie Fuller than anything else. Cutler did a nice job of setting up that completion to Jeffrey. Marshall again. Now Kaepernick's doing everything he can to salvage this. There's that Jim Harbaugh clock management we know and love.




And after all that, Crabtree had the potential game-tying touchdown IN HIS HANDS. Go back to San Francisco, you plebeians. (Bears 28, 49ers 20)

So much for an 8:15 start. Kendricks just ran through the Colts' blocking there. Foles is off to the exact opposite start than last week. I've been hoping Chip would use more two-back sets this year and I'm glad he is. That was the longest run of Richardson's career. Unbalanced line? That's one of Chip's moves.




Bradshaw just barely got stopped. That was too easy. Those solar panels at the Linc? Legit. Why is this commercial break so long? Sproles just took off like a rocket. Man, Cooper caught that pass last year. This kid at right tackle is getting used and abused. Parkey missed? Indoors? Bring back Henery! The Eagles are starting to come after Luck big time. Viniatieri's still pretty good. You know who else is good is their punter. McCoy's L1 is constantly pressed. That's the second time Foles has misfired on that screen to Maclin. That's not gonna work either... that should have gone into the end zone.




The Colts stopped that blitz. Is this Richardson's best game ever? I think the Colts ran the same play again but to the tight end on that touchdown.




Hey, Jordan Matthews caught one! Ertz! That's a clutch pass interference call. Can somebody not named Sproles catch a pass tonight? Just give it to that guy. There you go. No need to complicate this stuff. Fumble! There's the Richardson we know and love. That's on Ertz - he needs to catch that. Sproles!




Uh-oh, losing Kendricks is not a good thing. That's the third time the Eagles have been beaten on that play tonight. None of this is sustainable. Oh Lord, Casey Matthews just got juked by Trent Richardson. Interception?!? Why even throw a pass there? And Boykin got away with at least a hold there. Why does Foles dive instead of slide? Actually, looking at it again, Hilton had his arm extended and was pushing off of Boykin, so that's a good no-call, as it turns out. That's not a horse collar either, and the same bad call was made against the Eagles last week. DARREN SPROLES IS A GOLDEN GOD. Is it possible to milk 3 minutes, 49 seconds off the clock from the six-yard line? Maclin finally caught one! We're tied again! These fans are NOT happy. Unfortunately, Luck has them right where he wants them. Really, Jon? Did you already forget what happened the last time Luck threw on third down for no good reason? Ertz again! Sproles again! Chip is playing this clock perfectly. They probably could have run another play but let's see about it. It's good! Wait, what? The Colts called time out? All right, let's do this again. It's STILL good.


This can't continue. Logically, it can't. Can it? No, it can't. But I'm not giving it back.


And now, the most random football-related tweet of the weekend:


(Eagles 30, Colts 27)
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Sunday, January 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Who We Thought They Were

Signal Finder: CLE @ PIT, CAR @ ATL, NYJ @ MIA (end), BAL @ CIN (end), GB @ CHI, KC @ SD


I'm slightly surprised to see the Steelers throwing so much so early, their success with it notwithstanding. That's not a good turnover by Campbell... gotta have better awareness than that. And that's an equally bad turnover by Ben. Not that any turnovers are good, but those were egregious. Now Roethlisberger's throwing screens into double coverage. (To say nothing of the Browns double covering the receiver on a screen.) This turned into a good drive — Pittsburgh's using lots of underneath stuff. There's another touchdown and that might do it the way the Browns are going. And the Browns' season ends the way it always does — with a horrible interception. Hang tight, Steel City! (Steelers 20, Browns 7)

Falcon touchdowns won't get bigger cheers than Gonzalez catches today. See? Or rather, hear? Three sacks already for the Panthers and they've gotten them all with base pressure. Good Lord, everything is going wrong for the Panthers offensively right now. First the pick, then Williams' big run gets knocked out by a fumble. WHAT. Someone screwed up on that pass and Carolina gets a pick-six out of it. Now Cam's all, "Screw it, I'll do this myself." Most obvious pass interference ever. Dude never let go. Tolbert! Nice coverage. Blink of an eye and Carolina's ahead. When Ryan's had time to remain upright, the Falcons have moved the ball through the air today. That touchdown to White was telegraphed. Late hit? OK. Nice catch by Olson to put the Panthers back up. Matt Ryan's getting demolished out here. That drive took too long to only get three points out of it. A screen to Tolbert on 3rd and 10? Really, Ron? NINE sacks. If you were wondering what happened to the Falcons in 2013, that's one of the things. How didn't the Panthers run out the clock? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? That bad snap just cost the Falcons the game — they lost 16 yards, they didn't get back up to the line right away, and then they lost five more yards and a 10-second runoff on the false start. Unbelievable. Sorry about that, Tony. (Panthers 21, Falcons 20)

Why are the Giants kicking 50-yard field goals? Why kick field goals at all? I'd go on 4th and 20. What have you got to lose besides another game?

Hopefully this brings the "Kirk Cousins is better than RGIII" talk to a violent end:

Also, I love how Fox stayed in-studio between games and never even thought about going to this farce even though it took the longest to end. Godspeed, London Fletcher. (Giants 20, Redskins 6)



crosses off a LOT of people in Miami, probably

Jay Cutler's only beaten the Packers once in his career. Is this a good challenge? I'm not sure. It feels extremely early. Yeah, that's a hold. As easy as the one in the Panthers game. That interception was the first good play Conte's made in about two months.

Both these defenses are going to struggle stopping the opposing offense, even on a full field after a turnover like the Bears just got. Marshall's really good at that. That was a fun video package. Oh, Randall Cobb's back, too? Another interception — that went off Nelson's hands. Good hold by the Packers defense. You've gotta catch that punt. That's not a late hit. I mean, it was late, but it wasn't a hit. Another Hester turnover on a return? What's up with that? Starks has run the ball better than Lacy today. WHAT. They all just stood there for about 20 seconds before Boykin finally jogged into the end zone. That's a fumble.






And I don't understand why that restriction even exists. Makes no logical sense. Now Jeffrey fumbles? Oh Lord. Meanwhile, the Packers have done an abysmal job with their timeouts this half. The Bears are lucky to only be down six at halftime. There's the Devin Hester we know and fear. Forte! That's a heavy dose. There's that Bears run defense. And there's that Bears pass defense. I think the shootout we anticipated is coming. Well somebody screwed that up. Jeffrey just ran away from Shields and it looks like the safety was on the other side of the field. That wasn't a touchdown? Well, that was. This Quarless play should be a catch — the ball never hit the ground. What? Eh, if y'all say so. Someone cover Forte out of the backfield please. How did that work? That pass started off heading nowhere near Marshall and he ended up catching it for a score. Nelson just made four Bears miss at the same time. How does Conte not intercept that? He's so bad. Lacy!

This Packers drive is reminding me of the Falcons' late drive earlier — a lot of time to not make a lot of progress. Fourth and 8 and the Packers have to go. TOUCHDOWN! The safeties on both of these teams would fit in nicely in the NFC East. Because they suck. Here's the thing about that extra point now, though: The Packers are only up five. Do the Bears have this in them? No. Also, fair or not, Cutler's Bears career may well be over. (Packers 33, Bears 28)


CHASE DANIEL LIVES!!!! Notice the Chargers immediately going after the ball on Knile Davis' first carry — they know he's a fumbler. A.J. Jenkins? Well that was quick. I think the Chargers responded in exactly the same manner. What happened? Oh, Allen slipped. Touchdown Chiefs? Touchdown Chiefs. I know I've said this already but Ryan Mathews has been very good this past month. Right now it looks like the Chiefs' offensive backups are better than the Chiefs' defensive backups. Looks like Daniel learned the art of the quick release from Brees — he was being bull rushed before getting off that swing pass to McCluster. We've had several Manti Te'o sightings on this drive. None of his girlfriend, though. Are the Chargers also resting their defensive starters and nobody told us? The Chiefs just went ahead again.

What is surprising to me is that there hasn't been a Raideresque flood of penalties. Keenan Allen might end up Offensive Rookie of the Year. That field goal just tied this game. Is this where the Chargers turn it on? Wait, why is Daniel on the sideline? Heck of a time to go full Wildcat, Andy. Well, now it's over. HE MISSED?!?!? Oh God. We're going to overtime.

Mike McCoy is your new God. This drive is taking forever and that's a key point. It's almost like the Chargers are playing for a field goal here, which isn't all that smart. They made it, at any rate. That pass to McCluster just put things on the borderline of interesting. This would be a great time to put Alex Smith in, am I right? Alas. crosses off Steelers


SING THE SONG. (Chargers 27, Chiefs 24, OT)


I'm scared as hell. They're nervous. Three guys jumped offsides. This isn't good so far. Fumble! RIGHT INTO Fletcher's hands. Polk catching the ball too? Don't understand calling a run on 2nd and 20 but whatever. They probably could have gone for it there. Murray just leveled Damion Square — the backup nose tackle.


That hasn't been called once all season. Why start now? The Eagles have gotten themselves into and out of some bad long situations so far. Avant! How does he concentrate on a ball that was being thrown away? Also, they are abusing this Heath kid. Touchdown. Wait, why is Romo's wife at the game and he's not? That seem odd to anyone else? That wasn't even bad coverage by Boykin but a good catch by Williams. I mean... there wasn't anyone even close to the tight end. You'd think it was Witten they'd failed to cover. It's kind of amazing the Eagles are leading this game given some of the dumb mistakes they've made. That fair catch interference on Boykin was ticky-tack as all get out. KENDRICKS! Dude's been on fire this month. And Jason Witten's too good a player to do that. Wow. Foles is good at that high arcing throw. Turnover, two plays, touchdown. There's that missing coverage again. Good hold. So a sack, followed by a big run by McCoy. Foles had McCoy on the left side on that one. And ANOTHER hard count draws the Eagles offsides. The other side of that is the Eagles have gotten no pressure. Called it, and nice play by Boykin to break that up.


Oh crap. It feels like the Eagles' offensive line has been getting bashed all night and that's what happens. Another good hold by the defense. Hmm, the Eagles have found something on this right side. Hey, Celek's open again. That was... interesting, I guess. DeSean got stuffed at the 6-inch line. Do you go for this? Oh man, somebody on the Cowboys iced the defense. They run a sneak with Foles and he doesn't even come close to making it.


Now the Cowboys have a problem on 4th and 1 from the 40. I think you go. Good job by Collinsworth pointing out the effectiveness of the hard count so far. Barwin knocks it down! He could have hauled it in and gotten some yards. Hey, a Riley Cooper sighting. Chip has gradually slowed the pace here on this drive. Hey, a Bryce Brown sighting! That drive was longer than most Eagles touchdown drives.


You know who's been good tonight is Kyle Orton. That ball to Witten was a laser. Delay of game? Seriously? That seemed sudden and yet it's so Cowboys. What? The clock operator screwed up? Oh, you can't make this stuff up. This is a home game!


Also, given my complaining about the refs earlier, I should point out that they are calling nothing on the outside. Like, Dez and Cary Williams are going to have to draw swords if they want anything called. NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Who called THAT defense? Why would you leave Chung by himself in coverage, and on Bryant, no less? Now for the two-point try. DENIED. Did Barwin get a piece of that one, too? Oh, it was Williams. That kickoff was odd on both sides. What happened there? I mean, at least Foles slid to stay inbounds. BASED PUNTING GOD.















That pick was Romo-esque. Everything after this is... well, I don't really like gravy, so let's call it the whipped cream on a McDonald's milkshake. And I leave you for now with this:


(Eagles 24, Cowboys 22)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (13-3) — Puts down another brick
2. Denver (13-3) — Three incompletions for Peyton. THREE.
3. Carolina (12-4) — Bringing the pressure cooker
4. San Francisco (12-4) — Streaking and dangerous

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-12) — The Raiders don't matter. And that's a bad thing
30. Cleveland (4-12) — Wait... they fired Chudzinski after one year?
31. Houston (2-14) — The misery is over
32. Washington (3-13) — About to start over yet again

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Sunday, January 12, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Proof and Pudding

Signal Finder: IND @ KC, DAL @ WAS, NO @ CAR (end), DEN @ HOU (end), PIT @ GB

SPECIAL TEAMS. Charles made that look... relatively easy. For some reason Luck needed to pump-fake six times. MORE SPECIAL TEAMS. Wait, what? Vinatieri doesn't miss. They reversed that incompletion into a sack? Um, okay? And Knile Davis fumbles again. That's why Charles touches the ball 80 times a game. Donald Brown came out of a wormhole and scored on that pass. That's the second time a Colt has vanished from the Chiefs' coverage. No one was anywhere near Hilton, who would have scored on a better throw. Holy hell the Colts just got jobbed out of a fumble recovery. Why are the Chiefs calling screens? And then running the ball on 4th and short with no time outs? Succop misses! Well that balanced out nicely.
Someone got Smith's arm there, right? Oh WOW Mathis knocked the ball out of Smith's hands and Smith basically punched it downfield. Brown again! Well, it took a full quarter, but the Chiefs are trying to rally here. Until that happened. That's probably it. (Colts 23, Chiefs 7)

THIS VIDEO PACKAGE. The other thing is these are two terrible defenses. MORE SPECIAL TEAMS. How that pass wasn't intercepted I'll never know. So neither side can cover a punt? Is that it? That's the second one Moss has gotten a good runback on. This is why they're 4-10. Another Cowboys linebacker down? I think they're down. I think that's their last one. The Cowboys have run out of linebackers, which means more safeties, which means more bad defense. Was there a hold on that Murray run? That was a good ten seconds! How does no one get to Romo? Even though the pass was incomplete, no one came close. Then he JUKES a guy? Dez got both feet down. The Redskins defense just went nuclear.


And there's a bad throw by Cousins that gets intercepted.

Well that's not Romo's fault but Cowboys. And the Redskins continue to do stupid things in the red zone.

I'm not even referring to the penalty here, but to lining up in quads bunch twice after the Cowboys called time out after the first time. Remember what I just said about the Redskins doing stupid things in the red zone? So do the Cowboys, if we're being honest. Touchdown. Why not go for two there, Shanahans? You're 4-10 and getting fired. No. You're kidding me. There's no way that just happened. Burkhart, on the Redskins turning run-happy immediately: "It's almost like the Redskins are taking what should be the Cowboys' script." And this Wilcox dude makes another stupid Cowboys mistake. That keeps the drive alive and the Redskins add three points.

Orakpo being hurt could be bad if it's for any length of time. You almost forget London Fletcher was on that Rams Super Bowl team. Now Romo's limping? Oh man, Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton are both in this stadium. Gotta go for it. Who moved? FALSE. START. I'm stunned they actually converted after all that. Actually I'm not because the Redskins remain terrible defensively. My God these teams are bad. What's DeAngelo mad about? The throw wasn't even close. Now what? They're kicking it and even that was needlessly adventurous. Of course the Cowboys gave up a 3rd and 9. Romo can barely move around back there. Oh, Wilson slipped. That's why Williams was so ridiculously open. Murray just lost 10 yards on 3rd and goal at the 1. JEBUS. No one covered Murray. NO. ONE. Now we got a fight. Seriously, Murray just stood there and waited.

There's still plenty of time for the Cowboys defense to blow this. Of course, Cousins then throws three bad passes. The Cowboys are lucky the Redskins are worse. (Cowboys 24, Redskins 23)

Domenik Hixon's still alive?

(Panthers 17, Saints 13)

FROZEN TUNDRA. James Jones just took that ball away from Ike Taylor. Usually that goes in the opposite direction.So ever since the first drive, these offenses have done whatever they feel like. The Steelers didn't even think about stopping Lacy on that touchdown. I mean, it never crossed their collective mind. FAKE PUNT! Big Ben runs! What is going on right now? We got some chaos here. That ball is out.


That's a massive defensive stop by the Steelers. BLOCKED!! Unbelievable. Wait, WHAT?!?!? Is this Leon Lett again? Is that what's happening right now? Now Tomlin's challenging this. He can't challenge that? They absolutely blew this one. Oh my goodness. Clark had that ball and was down before he pitched it.

Maaaaaan, if the Steelers end up losing by less than seven I do NOT want to deal with all that. I know I've said this several times already this season but Bell may already be the Steelers' best player, which is both good and bad. And the Steelers go back on top. Let's tack on a pick-six while we're at it, sure. Now Ben's throwing odd interceptions. Hey Steelers defense: The one guy you can't let get away is Jordy Nelson. Now we're tied. Flynn fumbles! Why did the Steelers burn a time out with the clock stopped? Touchdown!

Who's this Hyde dude? That's a massive return. A false start? Seriously, Packers? That is literally out of the Cowboys-Redskins game. So that's a 10-second runoff and the Packers just screwed themselves.

Let's be honest, though: Asking Mike McCarthy to make the correct clock management decision is a lot like asking a Kardashian to split the atom. It might just take the push of a button, but do you really trust them to do that much? (Steelers 38, Packers 31)

This Week It Sucks To Be:


(Giants 23, Lions 20, OT)

So now it's the Bears with a chance to win their division. And that's not the way you want to start that game out. That punt wasn't good.Well that didn't take any time at all. Hester FUMBLED? Whoa.


Give it to Shady! Are the Bears aware of the circumstances? Celek just strolled into the end zone. Like he was taking the dog for a walk.Hey, the Eagles didn't score. Hey, the Bears got a first down! This is unbelievable. Cutler was throwing well before those back to back sacks. It's just... there are so many moving parts.


That's a bad spot but the way things look right now it won't matter. Uh-oh. Fumble? Wow that's close. Wait, what? Did Chip just break the Schwartz Rule? Overturned. Then things just hit a pothole or something. Nice punt. Nice punt coverage. That's a safety, right? Safety!


This Bears defense is utterly exhausted. Well, that's probably that. Bah. Celek fumbled? Now what? Wait, did the Bears lose yards? I could have sworn they were at midfield. Oh, right, the Trent Cole sack.


HALL & OATES! THE BALL FELL OFF THE TEE. Yeah, Trestman was planning something. The Eagles aren't even thinking about throwing the ball anymore. Polk!


Congrats to Cutler for breaking Sid Luckman's record in four years. LOL at "It's kinda sad." Bad throw, Jay. Everybody take the rest of the night off.


Let's say this: This wasn't Cutler's fault. (Eagles 54, Bears 11)

Seriously? The Raiders think they're too good for Candlestick? Always good to see Eddie DiBartolo in the house. I have to say I never liked the Stephen Jackson signing for the Falcons — just seemed like he had too many miles on him to be what they wanted him to be. Wait, Matt Ryan's already completed five passes? Kaepernick hasn't had a great year but he's played better recently. How did Ryan not cross the line of scrimmage? I mean, he didn't, but how? Nice throw and good blocking downfield. I don't know about that call. Looks like Whitner hit him clean. Touchdown.(And yes, I know I just pooh-poohed the Jackson signing. Shut it.) Sure Ryan's outplaying Kaepernick so far but the Falcons have only put one decent drive together. Until this one, that is. The 49ers can't afford to forget that the Falcons do still have Roddy White (hobbled though he may be) and Harry Douglas, as well as that Gonzalez dude. Just that quickly we're tied. The Niners needed that. That's an awful pass interference call


There's Kaepernick going up the left side again. More touchdowns. Remember when I mentioned Roddy White earlier? Did something happen on that big Hunter run that I missed? I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here. I'll tell you what: It's been a miserable season for the Falcons but they haven't quit at all. Gonzalez! What? Hmmm... probably should have been offsetting.


This is what about 98% of TV commentators don't understand. They're going onside kick even with the penalty? Hmmm. Whoa! Great play by Snelling on the onside kick! Are the Falcons actually going to pull this off? NOPE. The 49ers sent the house and somehow got to the receiver. That's it, probably.
This is the longest 1:28 ever. Harbaugh's, like, about where they place the ball for the snap. Get out, sir. This is all very unnecessary.

(49ers 34, Falcons 24)


RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (12-3) — Picked off by the Cardinals? Really?
2. Denver (12-3) — Peyton takes his record back
3. Carolina (11-4) — Cam clutch
4. San Francisco (11-4) — Farewell, palace of ruins

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-11) — The trudge continues
30. Cleveland (4-11) — Can we just shut this down?
31. Houston (2-13) — Innocent bystanders
32. Washington (3-12) —Not-so-innocent bystanders

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