Showing posts with label Kansas City Chiefs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kansas City Chiefs. Show all posts

Saturday, October 4, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Holding the Bag

Giants-Redskins on CBS. For guys my age, it's just right. I wonder how many time Simms will slip up and actually call them the Redskins. (Answer: One.) Cruz dropping passes again. That's easily a fumble. Cousins never saw that. This Larry Donnell has really stepped up so far. The Giants may have finally found a tight end again. Redskins kick coverage!


Cousins is getting chased out there right now. Cruz was pretty open there. The Redskins defense looks tired. Donnell again. And he beat Meriwether.


Good job by Cousins to wait until Roberts got open, which didn't take very long. Gotta catch those, rook. Oh, man, the Redskins had Jennings stopped on that 3rd and 1 but he just wasn't having it. LARRY DONNELL IS A GOLDEN GOD. Ouch. That was a vicious collision. And now they have to review it. Mike Carey says it'll be complete and down by contact. but that's not the most important thing.


That is ALSO a fumble. Dude just took it out of Paulsen's hands.

Cruz got out with one second left on the clock! Just think, if they'd done that in 2010 they'd have beaten the Eagles. This is ridiculous.

Meanwhile, David Robertson just greased his exit out of the Bronx by blowing this save. Although, Jeter will bat in the 9th now...

Now it's the Giants who can't cover receivers. Or running backs. This is gonna end up 44-40,  isn't it?


A Patrick Ramsey name drop. There's a guy who got screwed. So the Giants can't cover backs and the Redskins can't cover tight ends. Got it. Is that a good play by Prince or a bad play by Cousins? Probably somewhere in between. That's the second time in three weeks Jennings has put a touchdown on the turf. Whoa! Wait, what? Get down! Get back in the end zone! Now Eli thinks it's a touchdown and I have no idea why he thinks that but whatever. Hang on, he may be right. It's SO close that you can't overturn it. Also of note is Meriwether actually used his shoulder and hot his head to pop the ball out. Are they piping Mike Carey into FedEx Field or do the acoustics just suck? Wow. As Bill Parcells said, let's put away the anointing oils for Kirk Cousins. How did Randle catch that? The Redskins can't even cover the backup tight end.



Cousins threw ANOTHER interception?



And now their only good offensive lineman might be hurt. Who's the backup now? COLT McCOY?! Okay, Eli Manning just ran more than two yards for a touchdown. Seal the vault. Cousins is shellshocked.


There's still seven minutes left? My God. Thursday night games are awful. (Giants 45, Redskins 14)


Signal Finder: GB @ CHI, CAR @ BAL, BUF @ HOU (end), DET @ NYJ (end), TB@ PIT (end), PHI @ SF

Is LaDarius Webb ever gonna play again? That sack killed that entire drive. Amazing the Panthers got nothing out of that. Trent Green thinks Steve Smith is giving his old team the silent treatment. Let's see how long that lasts. The Panthers are pulling out running backs nobody's ever heard of. How about this sequence of events for them: Williams missed the last two games, but last week both Stewart and Tolbert got hurt and I think Tolbert's out for the year. Well, that was a thing that happened. The announcers think Smith broke off his route but I'm not sure why he'd just follow Daniels if that were the case. It looks like Daniels even sees him when he tips the ball, too. That may be an incompletion — did Benjamin have control? They're saying he didn't and I'm not sure I disagree. Harbaugh challenges and loses. Whoa! Newton has maybe a six-inch window on that 3rd-down pass to Cotchery. And now Williams is limping - oh boy. How is Justin Forsett, a super sized Darren Sproles, running through Panthers players? Not tackles, the actual players? Wait, did the Ravens just do the Browns' Manziel fake from last week and it worked? Tucker missed a 57-yarder left. Man, Flacco is cutting this Panthers defense to pieces. Benjamin's out of bounds here — no touchdown. Oh, wait, maybe not? This may be a control question again. Yeah, this is getting out of hand. (Ravens 38, Panthers 10)


Natalie Coughlin being a Raiders fan makes me irrationally sad. (Dolphins 38, Raiders 14)


Man, Burkhart was sure that flag was going against the Bears. And it... should have? FOX: puts up graphic detailing Bears' proclivity to throwing in the red zone. Bears: Run two straight running plays.
Dude on the Packers fell down? OK. That makes things easier for anyone. So how'd the other Rodgers get so wide open? Oh, right, Bears safeties. Lacy just drilled his way through that pile for the score.


Wait, was that on purpose? It sure wasn't. Cutler fumbled the snap, picked it back up and ran for about 15 more yards. Lynch pointing out that House, who fell on the Marshall touchdown, just fell down again. It's hard to throw a ball too high for these receivers, but Cutler just did it twice.
Packers got bailed out on that bad 3rd down run call. Cutler's struggling to pick up the ball for some reason. The Packers are the team with the rookie center... Forte's having a decent game so far, which the Bears will need later. A pass to Jeffrey off a fake reverse? SWANK. And he walked into the end zone. Onside kick? I certainly wouldn't have done that. And that's why — the Bears can't stop the Packers in the air. Clinton-Dix just stonewalled Bennett at the end zone! Wow! They got a goal line cam on the other side? I don't think Bennett made it. That other view won't change anything, either.



How did Rodgers last long enough in that pocket to get that pass off, let alone for a touchdown (that was ultimately called back)? Crosby barely made that one. Forte is going off right now. Oh no! Cutler shouldn't have thrown that one there. Another drive wasted. Cobb just dropped a touchdown. But Nelson didn't. The Bears are self-destructing now — another Cutler pick, then a penalty on Bostic (but what the hell for?) takes a Packers field goal off the board, and Cobb catches a touchdown on the very next play. I thought they'd win this game, in all honesty. This interception won't count. How have the Packers not scored on this drive yet? They've had the ball for, what, 10 minutes? And somehow, the Bears keep them off the board, which they could have used about five series ago. (Packers 38, Bears 17)

Sup, Bills-Texans! This is a game that can tilt the season for both teams. We missed JJ Watt running 79 yards with an interception for a touchdown for that debacle? They're trying a 55-yarder? Really? He made it! Then EJ Manuel comes back immediately and throws a bomb to Williams, who roasted his man and scored easily. I think Bullock Hulked Up before the 50-yarder. There was some contact on that last interception — I see why Woods is upset. (Texans 23, Bills 17)


Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh, the Buccaneers' backup running back just threw a pass with 2:05 left and his team down by four. That's twice Glennon missed possible touchdowns, the second one going off Vincent' Jackson's hands. Really, Steelers? You fail to convert a first down that would have ended the game, then throw up a horrible punt? HUGE pass to get into the red zone by Glennon. TOUCHDOWN BUCCCANEERS. Jackson got that one.






(Buccaneers 24, Steelers 20)




That's a generous spot. But at the same time I'm not sure this is the time to use a challenge. I don't like challenging spots, as you know. Holy crap the Eagles got a sack and that's with the 49ers offensive line complete. BLOCKED PUNT TOUCHDOWN! Gore with a nice run. They called an illegal pick on the 49ers? That's odd. Aikman hates it. Now what's this one? Aikman suspects a makeup call but it actually was illegal contact. Twice in a row an Eagles defender has just missed Kaepernick. Well, they only got three. That's a win of some kind. Uh-oh. Boykin's down hurt in the end zone and Burton failed to stay out of it while downing the ball. That's the second time today the announcers have incorrectly predicted a penalty. It's amazing the Eagles already have three sacks against a far better offensive line than they faced last week. So Gore runs around for 10 seconds then decides to go downfield, Kaepernick gets rushed out of the pocket, sees he's completely uncovered, and throws up a lob across his body and across the field for a touchdown. Don't try that at home, kids. The Eagles keep ending up in 3rd down and long. Jenkins! Money well spent. He's making moves like Barry Sanders. Touchdown!



Neither offense has looked great so far. They almost got to that punt, too. Sproles!! This is nuts. And the facemask was on the 49ers so this will stand. It was on Sproles's helmet, even, right when he caught the punt. As usual, the 49ers aren't helping themselves with penalties. It's strange — this is the best offensive line the Eagles have faced so far and they've gotten more pressure today than any other time this season. McCoy missed a chance to cut upfield on that run. Nice sideline overhead grab by Boldin. So that deal with Cary Williams and Crabtree's helmet was the right call, or non-call, in this case. Even a field goal that sails cleanly through the uprights from 51 yards out gets affected somehow. That's not an interception. Cooper fumbled on a play that wouldn't have worked anyway — he had no chance of getting out of bounds before the clock ran out. Did Vernon Davis just have a back spasm? He grabbed his back right after that tackle. Now Peters is walking off. That ball popped right out of Ertz's hands and into Cox's. Another Eagles sack. You know it's bad when you're getting beat by Casey Matthews. ANOTHER sack? Oh, I don't know about that holding call on Cary. Johnson somehow stayed in the end zone there.


(Turns out the rule there is that if the receiver's already in the end zone, he just has to have possession. If he were a runner, it'd be the exact opposite, which, again, makes NO FREAKING SENSE.) How was there not a flag on Brooks for tackling Matthews? So the big Gore run sets up a field goal. What was Foles looking for there? The Eagles' best offensive player today has been Riley Cooper and he's dropped at least one touchdown pass.




McCoy is actively killing the Eagles at this point. Run straight ahead for ONCE. They took the penalty... why? Don't give them another shot to get a first down or more here. That didn't make any sense whatsoever. A second Brad Smith sighting? That Maclin catch is going to stand because there's not enough clear evidence to overturn.


I mean, I guess both things can be true. This would be one of the most bizarre Eagles wins in recent memory (non-Giants edition) if they pulled this out. Now what? I'd hope they thought McCoy or Sproles, who I don't think we've seen in a while, could get one yard here. Or sneak Foles. He's 6-6. Apparently not.




One more shot! But they keep moving backwards and that's a recipe for failure. If Chip's losing confidence in McCoy down there, that could be a huge problem. (49ers 26, Eagles 21)

When the Jaguars drafted Blake Bortles, I said on Facebook that it looks like they drafted Blaine Gabbert again. (Seriously, compare their scouting reports.) And I know it's only been one game, but in 28 starts, Gabbert had only one game as good as this one was. (Chargers 33, Jaguars 14)

We've got the Saints on the road versus Tony Romo in prime time. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE.
Williams got straight-up pasted and still held on. Cowboys getting penalized here like they're the 49ers. Now Brees just took off for a first down. How was that nor fair catch interference? These defenses aren't what I would call "good." Touchdown Murray. The Saints are getting thrashed on all fronts. Williams drags a defender into the end zone and this is officially a massacre. Clearly, "the Saints on the road" is the larger factor right now. Stills! Colston just saved an interception and this drive. Why are they kicking the field goal? Good Lord. Murray AGAIN. This is ridiculous.


Yeah, that's a late hit. Weird, like Collinsworth said — it looked like Carter just figuratively blew a tire or something. Touchdown Saints and they might go for two here but probably won't. I'd have onside kicked, though — they haven't stopped the Cowboys all night. Did that punt hit the VIDEO BOARD? It did! And Al says that it should have led to a rekick which is why it matters. If Cadet hadn't had to come back for the ball there he'd have scored. Jimmy Graham is unguardable. Was Romo even touched on that sack? I don't like the Saints' decision to punt here. I REALLY don't like them running a fake punt here.



I'll keep saying it: the Saints can't stop anything. This is about when you'd normally expect Romo to throw a pick-six but it didn't happen this time. Dez! That should lock this up. Man, Jason Garrett's wife looks miserable. Hey, I think that was a fumble. (Cowboys 38, Saints 17)

We need more instrumental anthems. How about this crowd singing along. Bringing that kickoff out was a mistake. Charles has some running lanes early.


That didn't last long, and neither did this Patriots' drive. Nice catch, Bowe. Did Charles make it? I can't see any sign of the ball. That is Jason Kelce's brother, Travis, and I think Jason is actually faster than he is. That was too easy. This is the second straight September that Brady just hasn't been good. What was that foolishness on 4th and 2? They ran the punt team out then changed their minds? Just to get the Chiefs to burn a time out? Kelce just threw a Patriot down. Then Donnie Avery just broke a tackle attempt by the same guy (Logan Ryan, one of far too many Rutgers guys on one NFL roster). There's that Andy Reid clock management again. It looked like nobody knew what the play was. That didn't reach the end zone. Penalty? It's on the Patriots so there'll be another play. That ball didn't break the plane. So they'll get three and have completely dominated this half.





Ball's out! How the hell did the Patriots recover that? The Chiefs are just knocking the Patriots off the ball right now. Hali threw a lightning bolt at Brady on that strip fumble. This is starting to get out of hand. Did this even happen during the Revenge Road Tour of 2005 (the season Brady missed)? The Patriots looks completely overmatched, talent-wise, on both sides of the ball.




I'll come back to that. Nice throw, Tom. And nice route, Edelman. The Patriots were lucky to give up just another field goal. Hey, Brandon Lafell did something. Gruden nailed it with his line about Eagles fans scratching their heads that Andy's running the ball so much. Charles lost his balance and... was his knee down? Who's got the ball in the end zone? No one, then? OK. And the Chiefs score anyway. No one covered Kelce? That one's on Brady.




Garoppolo! That's some insult-to-injury business right there.

Turns out this was the Patriots' worst loss since that 2005 season. Let me pull this tweet up from May:




I mean, pundits love clowning on Scott Pioli, but he wouldn't have traded Richard Seymour without a replacement on hand. And it took them, what, four years to actually replace Seymour? (By the way, the Logan Mankins trade feels a lot like that one did at the time. Those who do not learn from history, etc.) How many defensive players in the second and third rounds have they missed on? Rasi-I Dowling. Terrence Wheatley. Brandon Spikes. Patrick Chung. Darius Butler. Are there more? Their best receivers are short and fragile. I mean, they mostly always have been but they were good players. Wes Welker's still better than anyone they have right now, for example. They spent big money on Danny Amendola last year only for him to get hurt (as usual) and for Julian Edelman to have the season he was supposed to have for about a million dollars. The big receivers they've drafted can't play for one reason or another. They've drafted more quarterbacks than offensive linemen in the first three rounds in the last four years.

If Bill Belichick gets the credit for three Super Bowl wins in four years, then he also has to get the blame for this.

(Chiefs 41, Patriots 14)

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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Kinetic Slide

Uh-oh. Jamaal Charles is already walking off the field? That's potentially awful. Smith got chased on that 2nd and goal pass and it could have been disastrous. Bowe just got across the line. They're gonna wear Luck's arm out at this rate. It's all Hilton, all the time right now. That didn't take long. I don't know if the Chiefs kick this field goal if Charles is healthy. Then again. who knows what Andy'll ever do down here. The Colts have too many Boston College guys to be taken seriously. (Same for the Patriots and Rutgers, which I've discussed before.) So Donnie Avery outran everyone. That's two long pass plays so far. FUMBLE. Poor Trent Richardson, who's throwing up in his mouth on the sideline. (Not literally.)

SHOVEL PASS. Dump that "Song #2" remix ASAP, NBC DJ. The Colts really need Hilton to not be hurt badly if they want a shot to come back from this. Luck in the shotgun on 4th and inches? NICE. Slide! There he is. Man, somebody catch something. Andy's screen game has always been on point. Mayock's convinced the Colts' corners Davis and Toler are still hurt. He won't stop talking about it. I mean, he may be right — Toler's already left the game — but simmer down already. 31-10? That's a final. Who says the Chiefs can't score? Hilton tripped himself out of at least 10 more yards. Where was Luck going with that pass? Double coverage? That was the slowest non-fat guy return ever.

Oh, boy, that's another bad pass by Luck. Touchdown! This may officially be out of hand. Whoa! Nice catch by Rogers. Was Brown even touched? Fumble! Wait, hang on, that's pretty close to the sideline... did he have it? Yeah, I can't overturn that. Big break for the Colts.
Mentioned because Pagano appears to have Belichicked him. Here we go... this is the other thing that Luck does a lot of. These anonymous non-Hilton receivers are playing much better this half. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are running out of players. Good stop by the Colts defense after that touchdown. Uh-oh. Bad throw and everything, but it was in Hilton's hands and he couldn't hold on to it.The worst part of all of these Colt turnovers is that the Chiefs keep scoring points afterwards. Lots of big gains on this drive. That touchdown to Fleener was a bullet. There is plenty of time left in this game.


Dude's catching passes all over the place. I think this happened in their first meeting, too; just not to this destructive extent. Way to jinx Donald Brown's fumbling, Hicks. Wait, Luck did WHAT?!?!


How does no one see him? Or get to him before he crosses the goal line? The ball went backwards. Anything's possible at this point. The Chiefs are down to their third-string running back. Why are they calling time outs? That was puzzling. All that and now they're only up six with five-plus minutes left. OH MY GOD.
You know what the Chiefs could use is a couple of time outs. GROUNDING. A timeout AFTER THE TWO MINUTE WARNING? SERIOUSLY?

That was ridiculous. In every way possible. (Colts 45, Chiefs 44)

All right... let's do this.

You don't see Brees short hop a throw that often. Debris on the field? What is this, a NASCAR race? Oh, crap, did the Eagles jump on 4th and 2? NO! Spectacular. A couple of Brees' throws have been off already. Who kicked that into the end zone? CUT HIM.


OOPS. Interception! That ball kind of died up there and Stills couldn't adjust. Hey, McCoy gained yards on a carry. That hadn't happened yet. The fans are booing, which probably means the field goal team is out. Oh, it's a Saints injury that they're not buying. Bad move if it IS a fake, though — they're just giving Chip more time to decide what he wants to do. And McCoy got it anyway. Then Foles takes a bad sack and wastes the effort.

Then Henery misses a field goal that should have been 20 yards shorter than it was. Possible turnover here? He MIGHT be down. It's close. The other thing is, if he's ruled down (reversing the call), he's also short of the first down. Yep, they overturned it. Another false start? Wow. I didn't see him move on the replay. So six minutes into the second quarter and we have our first points.


I think Brees is the Saints' leading rusher so far. ANOTHER interception! They're not booing; they're saying "Coop." "American Bandstand"? Really? I think the DJ emptied his "Philadelphia" folder two weeks ago. Uh-oh, Foles is holding the ball again. Touchdown! Thank God Cooper got open.


That hold Brees begged for and got on Cox was the latest flag ever. Like, 2002 NCAA national title game late. I mean, it probably was a hold, but it's disingenuous as hell. That time the three-man rush worked. Moore on the touchdown was the first Saint tonight to get away from a defender after the catch. Cooper may have just dropped another touchdown, which hasn't happened very often this season. That's the first time Colston's seen the ball tonight and it won't count. Ingram's running like his job is at stake, and it kind of is. Did he get in? He did — you can tell from the other side. At least the Flyers just went ahead? And the Sixers are leading the Blazers by the same score IN PORTLAND. What's weird about the way this is playing out is that the Eagles' run defense was actually almost good this year. DeSean! Finally! Also he was held twice but whatever.


Touchdown McCoy. MOTOWNPHILLY. YES.

Good punt return by DeSean. Now it's the Eagles who are abusing this kid #38. And really, for a good #38 in the NFL you probably have to go all the way back to George Rogers. Oh boy. Now what? Fourth and 1 from the opponent's 6 in a six-point playoff game in the fourth quarter... I don't like kicking the field goal here. There's a false start on the field goal attempt, which pretty much settles that decision. I expect Patrick Chung to be plying his trade elsewhere next season. At least the Saints only got three out of it.


That's a BIG pass interference penalty. TOUCHDOWN. Either Jackson or Ertz was getting that one.


Horse collar on top of a big return by Sproles? Not good. It's weird having the Saints be in a position of having to prove something but here we are. Where'd this Robinson guy come from? Damn it. The worst part is the Saints are almost too far away from the end zone for the Eagles to just let them score. Think about this, Saints. Do you REALLY want to go back to Seattle? THINK ABOUT THIS.

And that's that. Well, that was fun while it lasted. (Saints 26, Eagles 24)

What, they couldn't get Ken Anderson to do the game intro with Fouts? I mean, I know Boomer's on staff but he wasn't in that game. (Was he even in college yet?) So this Green kid on the Chargers is their other tight end, yet I don't think he ever lines up as one. This drive feels like someone's picking at a scab, which would make the Wood head touchdown drawing blood. Wow, Dalton missed Bernard badly on that one.


Obligatory chili montage. And Rivers misses Allen badly to counter.

Dalton almost got plastered on that touchdown pass, and Gresham almost didn't catch it. I should mention at some point that the Chargers have lost their starting center, which makes this about the 5,791st offensive line combination they've used this season. And King Dunlap had a really good year, which is stunning to me. Really, McCoy? That's the kind of low-reward, doomed-to-fail challenge that Marvin usually pulls.

Nice catch on the sideline by Jones again. Nooooo Gio! Wait, was he down? Oh, OK, he definitely wasn't — I'm asking the wrong question. Yeah, turning and taking two steps is a football move. Hey, they got it right! Good job, sirs. Fans are booing and the clock's running. Oh, he didn't go forward? That's a rule? I did not know that. Why are they reviewing the catch? This actually benefits the Bengals because it stops the clock, and even more if it's an incomplete pass because they should get those eight seconds or whatever back. So it's a catch.

So the spike DOESN'T COUNT? Now they have to kick this, like, immediately. Is Shannon Sharpe wearing purple velvet? Punting at midfield isn't appreciably better, Bengals. The Chargers are walking down this field and now they have the lead back. Dumb dive, Dalton, whether this is a fumble or not. I mean, that's WHY you slide, so nothing can happen to you. It's a fumble, and he would have been short of the first down even if it hadn't been. Like I said, dumb dive. Hey, it's raining. The blitz caused that interception. Wait, James Harrison just committed a needlessly stupid and dangerous penalty? That's never happened before. That's a semi-critical stop by Maualuga. I say semi-critical because the Bengals' offense has done absolutely nothing this half. I mean, A.J. Green has three catches.
More field goals! Oh. That's just a bad everything by Dalton.




Wow. Green had double coverage beaten and still couldn't hang on. That's the way things have gone for the Bengals today. And the fourth down throw goes five yards over the receiver's head. Shut it down. What, again? I mean, make it stop. We don't need to play these last five minutes. The Bengals aren't coming back. You know who's even more pissed right now? Steelers fans. I meant to mention this earlier but I'm a but surprised Ronnie Brown's gotten so much run in this game. Did Mathews get hurt and I missed it?


(Chargers 27, Bengals 10)


Good Lord, this field looks like a farm yard. I'm looking for feeding troughs and chicken coops. Someone got crossed up on that failed 3rd down. They're going for it? Yeah, I guess they have to — 4th and 6 from the opposing 40 is no man's land. What the... seriously? Harbaugh burns timeouts like he's the brother who coached under Andy Reid for six years. Does Kaepernick always roll left? Even on run plays? Man, Shields and Neal are already out for Green Bay. The Packers have attempted one pass so far. Kaepernick screwed that one up. And why throw in Williams' direction, anyway? They'd done so well picking on House.

And from the air, the field looks like a dirt race track. Daniel Snyder sees nothing wrong with this.


Hey, the Packers are throwing the ball now! About time, McCarthy. And Rodgers finishes it off with an actual frozen rope to Nelson. There's the big Kaepernick run that the Packers always give up. Gore lives up to his name. Buck called that Eric Reid interception like he knew it was coming back. It feels like the Packers haven't stopped throwing once they finally started. They have been mixing in the run, but it doesn't feel like they have. They may as well just run a play on third down here with the clock running. Just not THAT one. And didn't they have a time out left? Well, they got three out of it. We are seeing some historically bad timeout management and the second half just started. That was all quite ineffective. Another one? Andy Reid is shaking his head.


Other than that, this third quarter has been pretty much a non-event except for Brent Celek's little brother catching a pass and Rodgers getting sacked twice in a row. The Packers are really working the run game on this drive. WOW. How did the 49ers let Rodgers get away there? And a Kuhn run seals it. He doesn't make his money with his hops, I'll tell you that much. Attacking House was bound to yield a flag at some point. Now he's hurt?


Nice spin by Davis to catch that. Both of these guys can bring serious velocity on their throws. Getting Rodgers back these last two weeks has done so much for the Packers' offense and that's obvious, but getting Cobb back at the same time really does add another layer. That probably should have been a touchdown.


Every big run Kaepernick's had today — and against the Packers in general — has been to the left side, whether Clay's been there or not. (And it's telling that I'm only now mentioning that Clay Matthews hasn't played today.)

This ending feels... familiar. (49ers 23, Packers 20)


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Sunday, January 19, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Who We Thought They Were

Signal Finder: CLE @ PIT, CAR @ ATL, NYJ @ MIA (end), BAL @ CIN (end), GB @ CHI, KC @ SD


I'm slightly surprised to see the Steelers throwing so much so early, their success with it notwithstanding. That's not a good turnover by Campbell... gotta have better awareness than that. And that's an equally bad turnover by Ben. Not that any turnovers are good, but those were egregious. Now Roethlisberger's throwing screens into double coverage. (To say nothing of the Browns double covering the receiver on a screen.) This turned into a good drive — Pittsburgh's using lots of underneath stuff. There's another touchdown and that might do it the way the Browns are going. And the Browns' season ends the way it always does — with a horrible interception. Hang tight, Steel City! (Steelers 20, Browns 7)

Falcon touchdowns won't get bigger cheers than Gonzalez catches today. See? Or rather, hear? Three sacks already for the Panthers and they've gotten them all with base pressure. Good Lord, everything is going wrong for the Panthers offensively right now. First the pick, then Williams' big run gets knocked out by a fumble. WHAT. Someone screwed up on that pass and Carolina gets a pick-six out of it. Now Cam's all, "Screw it, I'll do this myself." Most obvious pass interference ever. Dude never let go. Tolbert! Nice coverage. Blink of an eye and Carolina's ahead. When Ryan's had time to remain upright, the Falcons have moved the ball through the air today. That touchdown to White was telegraphed. Late hit? OK. Nice catch by Olson to put the Panthers back up. Matt Ryan's getting demolished out here. That drive took too long to only get three points out of it. A screen to Tolbert on 3rd and 10? Really, Ron? NINE sacks. If you were wondering what happened to the Falcons in 2013, that's one of the things. How didn't the Panthers run out the clock? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? That bad snap just cost the Falcons the game — they lost 16 yards, they didn't get back up to the line right away, and then they lost five more yards and a 10-second runoff on the false start. Unbelievable. Sorry about that, Tony. (Panthers 21, Falcons 20)

Why are the Giants kicking 50-yard field goals? Why kick field goals at all? I'd go on 4th and 20. What have you got to lose besides another game?

Hopefully this brings the "Kirk Cousins is better than RGIII" talk to a violent end:

Also, I love how Fox stayed in-studio between games and never even thought about going to this farce even though it took the longest to end. Godspeed, London Fletcher. (Giants 20, Redskins 6)



crosses off a LOT of people in Miami, probably

Jay Cutler's only beaten the Packers once in his career. Is this a good challenge? I'm not sure. It feels extremely early. Yeah, that's a hold. As easy as the one in the Panthers game. That interception was the first good play Conte's made in about two months.

Both these defenses are going to struggle stopping the opposing offense, even on a full field after a turnover like the Bears just got. Marshall's really good at that. That was a fun video package. Oh, Randall Cobb's back, too? Another interception — that went off Nelson's hands. Good hold by the Packers defense. You've gotta catch that punt. That's not a late hit. I mean, it was late, but it wasn't a hit. Another Hester turnover on a return? What's up with that? Starks has run the ball better than Lacy today. WHAT. They all just stood there for about 20 seconds before Boykin finally jogged into the end zone. That's a fumble.






And I don't understand why that restriction even exists. Makes no logical sense. Now Jeffrey fumbles? Oh Lord. Meanwhile, the Packers have done an abysmal job with their timeouts this half. The Bears are lucky to only be down six at halftime. There's the Devin Hester we know and fear. Forte! That's a heavy dose. There's that Bears run defense. And there's that Bears pass defense. I think the shootout we anticipated is coming. Well somebody screwed that up. Jeffrey just ran away from Shields and it looks like the safety was on the other side of the field. That wasn't a touchdown? Well, that was. This Quarless play should be a catch — the ball never hit the ground. What? Eh, if y'all say so. Someone cover Forte out of the backfield please. How did that work? That pass started off heading nowhere near Marshall and he ended up catching it for a score. Nelson just made four Bears miss at the same time. How does Conte not intercept that? He's so bad. Lacy!

This Packers drive is reminding me of the Falcons' late drive earlier — a lot of time to not make a lot of progress. Fourth and 8 and the Packers have to go. TOUCHDOWN! The safeties on both of these teams would fit in nicely in the NFC East. Because they suck. Here's the thing about that extra point now, though: The Packers are only up five. Do the Bears have this in them? No. Also, fair or not, Cutler's Bears career may well be over. (Packers 33, Bears 28)


CHASE DANIEL LIVES!!!! Notice the Chargers immediately going after the ball on Knile Davis' first carry — they know he's a fumbler. A.J. Jenkins? Well that was quick. I think the Chargers responded in exactly the same manner. What happened? Oh, Allen slipped. Touchdown Chiefs? Touchdown Chiefs. I know I've said this already but Ryan Mathews has been very good this past month. Right now it looks like the Chiefs' offensive backups are better than the Chiefs' defensive backups. Looks like Daniel learned the art of the quick release from Brees — he was being bull rushed before getting off that swing pass to McCluster. We've had several Manti Te'o sightings on this drive. None of his girlfriend, though. Are the Chargers also resting their defensive starters and nobody told us? The Chiefs just went ahead again.

What is surprising to me is that there hasn't been a Raideresque flood of penalties. Keenan Allen might end up Offensive Rookie of the Year. That field goal just tied this game. Is this where the Chargers turn it on? Wait, why is Daniel on the sideline? Heck of a time to go full Wildcat, Andy. Well, now it's over. HE MISSED?!?!? Oh God. We're going to overtime.

Mike McCoy is your new God. This drive is taking forever and that's a key point. It's almost like the Chargers are playing for a field goal here, which isn't all that smart. They made it, at any rate. That pass to McCluster just put things on the borderline of interesting. This would be a great time to put Alex Smith in, am I right? Alas. crosses off Steelers


SING THE SONG. (Chargers 27, Chiefs 24, OT)


I'm scared as hell. They're nervous. Three guys jumped offsides. This isn't good so far. Fumble! RIGHT INTO Fletcher's hands. Polk catching the ball too? Don't understand calling a run on 2nd and 20 but whatever. They probably could have gone for it there. Murray just leveled Damion Square — the backup nose tackle.


That hasn't been called once all season. Why start now? The Eagles have gotten themselves into and out of some bad long situations so far. Avant! How does he concentrate on a ball that was being thrown away? Also, they are abusing this Heath kid. Touchdown. Wait, why is Romo's wife at the game and he's not? That seem odd to anyone else? That wasn't even bad coverage by Boykin but a good catch by Williams. I mean... there wasn't anyone even close to the tight end. You'd think it was Witten they'd failed to cover. It's kind of amazing the Eagles are leading this game given some of the dumb mistakes they've made. That fair catch interference on Boykin was ticky-tack as all get out. KENDRICKS! Dude's been on fire this month. And Jason Witten's too good a player to do that. Wow. Foles is good at that high arcing throw. Turnover, two plays, touchdown. There's that missing coverage again. Good hold. So a sack, followed by a big run by McCoy. Foles had McCoy on the left side on that one. And ANOTHER hard count draws the Eagles offsides. The other side of that is the Eagles have gotten no pressure. Called it, and nice play by Boykin to break that up.


Oh crap. It feels like the Eagles' offensive line has been getting bashed all night and that's what happens. Another good hold by the defense. Hmm, the Eagles have found something on this right side. Hey, Celek's open again. That was... interesting, I guess. DeSean got stuffed at the 6-inch line. Do you go for this? Oh man, somebody on the Cowboys iced the defense. They run a sneak with Foles and he doesn't even come close to making it.


Now the Cowboys have a problem on 4th and 1 from the 40. I think you go. Good job by Collinsworth pointing out the effectiveness of the hard count so far. Barwin knocks it down! He could have hauled it in and gotten some yards. Hey, a Riley Cooper sighting. Chip has gradually slowed the pace here on this drive. Hey, a Bryce Brown sighting! That drive was longer than most Eagles touchdown drives.


You know who's been good tonight is Kyle Orton. That ball to Witten was a laser. Delay of game? Seriously? That seemed sudden and yet it's so Cowboys. What? The clock operator screwed up? Oh, you can't make this stuff up. This is a home game!


Also, given my complaining about the refs earlier, I should point out that they are calling nothing on the outside. Like, Dez and Cary Williams are going to have to draw swords if they want anything called. NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Who called THAT defense? Why would you leave Chung by himself in coverage, and on Bryant, no less? Now for the two-point try. DENIED. Did Barwin get a piece of that one, too? Oh, it was Williams. That kickoff was odd on both sides. What happened there? I mean, at least Foles slid to stay inbounds. BASED PUNTING GOD.















That pick was Romo-esque. Everything after this is... well, I don't really like gravy, so let's call it the whipped cream on a McDonald's milkshake. And I leave you for now with this:


(Eagles 24, Cowboys 22)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (13-3) — Puts down another brick
2. Denver (13-3) — Three incompletions for Peyton. THREE.
3. Carolina (12-4) — Bringing the pressure cooker
4. San Francisco (12-4) — Streaking and dangerous

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-12) — The Raiders don't matter. And that's a bad thing
30. Cleveland (4-12) — Wait... they fired Chudzinski after one year?
31. Houston (2-14) — The misery is over
32. Washington (3-13) — About to start over yet again

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Sunday, December 15, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 13: What a Fool Believes

Stafford's never beaten the Packers? Wild. Hey, Nate Burleson's back! That was a good drive with an unfortunate ending. Nice Pat Summerall tribute. Aikman saying "He narrated my career" gave me a slight chill. Bush just tripped over Calvin. Is there any team in the league that is more its own worst enemy than the Lions? "The Beautiful People"? Odd choice. Yeah, that's gotta be caught, Pettigrew. Akers signing with an indoor team at this point in his career was a smart move. Out of bounds? Really? Wow. Wacky catch by James Jones. Morgan Burnett's trying to get himself a trophy. Jesus, the Lions can't get out of their own way.


Oh, Stafford. Really? Then the Lions got the ball back and it turned into the Reggie Bush show. The Jeremy Ross Revenge Tour? First a touchdown, then almost breaking that punt return. That was too easy and the Lions, really, have run all over and dominated the Packers for the most part. Buck: "I'm not sure you're gonna ice David Akers." JINX. Of course if Stafford had thrown to someone who could get out of bounds, they may have had a shot or two at a touchdown there. Aaron Rodgers looks like Ron Burgundy's illegitimate son with that horrible mustache. Johnson bounced off somebody on the way to that touchdown.I mean, bounced off. Like, you could see the shockwaves in the air after the impact. This game hasn't been the greatest. Why is Stafford throwing that pass?


Oh, let's hope THAT'S not serious. MEGATRON IS DOWN. Also not the greatest: Matt Flynn. And additionally: the Packers' offensive setup. Wow, I didn't realize just how little the Packers have done offensively. Safety! That's the first GOOD thing Suh's done in a Thanksgiving game. Damn, he carried Flynn out of the end zone like "Just get off the field, son." Is that booth open-air? I kind of hope not even though we're inside. This is Detroit, after all. Nice catch by Durham. This is officially out of hand.


Whoa! How did Ogletree catch that? That was behind him. Nice job. I love how Buck seems to legitimately hate the Galloping Gobbler, if only because I do too. Fumbled snap? The Packers can't even get garbage yards right. DETROIT IS BURNING. Wait, it's just a plaque? I'm actually disappointed. Not as much as Packer fans, though. (Lions 40, Packers 10)

The Cowboys were guaranteed an AFC opponent for their Thanksgiving game this year... and the NFL schedule makers put the Raiders here and NOT the Broncos? The Cowboys 1) not wearing their usual throwbacks AND 2) wearing their blue uniforms is going to throw me off all game. WOMP WOMP. Wait, was he down? That's CLOSE. Yeah, didn't think they'd be able to overturn that. Simms is right — don't even bring that one out. Just take a knee. Also it should be noted that Williams isn't their normal return man — Dwayne Harris got hurt two weeks ago. Man, the Raiders have a lot of former Cowboys, which somehow seems fitting. The Cowboys' alternate returners are struggling — Beasley just lost about six yards on that punt "return". "Hawkins?" Can't people snap the ball any more? Jeez. If this is how it's gonna go today this game's going to be a bigger turkey than the one we're having. The Raiders are making some hot catches out here. There's ANOTHER one. I don't think that ball's in the end zone. It's not. Jennings almost ran out of real estate. Hey, a Miles Austin sighting! He could easily be another Cowboy-turned-Raider next year — Williams, Beasley and his own hamstrings have made him surplus to requirements. I mean, he didn't catch the pass thrown to him, but I was just shocked to even see him out there. What is with this Wildcat renaissance? Jennings has struggled to keep his feet on these last few runs. This Holmes kid is making Brandon Carr look like Orlando Scandrick. (For any new readers, that's not a compliment.) What's with these three-second overhead shots? That's three touchdowns in a row Oakland's given up. Simms: "Everything they call is wrong." "Snap infraction?"


Yeah, we've been done here for quite some time. I mean, that's nice and all (though it almost got blocked) but I don't think there's enough time. This sequence on the onside kick is so Raiders. Let's hand out some irons! Also, dessert soon. (Cowboys 31, Raiders 24)

SMELL THE HATRED. Not a lot of big-time programs in that Steelers' starting offense, and if we're being honest, not many more in the Ravens' offense. I mean, Flacco went to Delaware. Are the Steelers running the Wildcat to troll Flacco? I wouldn't put it past them. Illegal motion on the KICKER? I'm pretty sure only Shaun Suisham could pull that off. Also, Tomlin has an irrational love for fake field goals at inopportune times. Have the Ravens huddled yet? I don't know why I'm noticing that. Bell just broke one off. Sanders! Jacoby AGAIN?! Oh that's gotta hurt. How'd he get chased down? Really, Cris? You're surprised? I'd have done the same thing coming off a big play. STARTING? Is Collinsworth new to Steelers-Ravens? This was salty LAST Thursday. Are we really going back to the kickoff return to call out Tomlin for sideline interference? I mean, that's some serious gamesmanship.


A rubber chicken? That squeaks? That's uncalled for, Dierdorf. This Tucker kid doesn't miss.


You know who's good is Antonio Brown. Sanders tripped himself out of a touchdown. How do you give up 25 yards on a screen pass to the back? This feels like we're  headed for overtime. Hmmm... Miller may have been down as well. Nope. Gaaaahhhhh. That looked and sounded bad. Now we've got that helmet rule to think about also. Oh, they gave him the touchdown? They hadn't looked at it yet? Yeah, this shouldn't be a touchdown either.




At this point the Steelers may have to call a quarterback sneak, which they should have done at some point anyway. Now their center's hurt? I have no idea how this is going to end. Touchdown! But we're not done yet! Shotgun seems like a bad idea. Did he — no, he never had it. What the hell, Suisham. That onside kick was worse than the one in the Cowboys game. Wait, are we getting a Madden sighting? No? Oh. The kicker's getting a turkey leg? The Mayans were off by a year. (Ravens 22, Steelers 20)

Signal Finder: ARZ @ PHI, TEN @ IND (end), CHI @ MIN (end), JAX @ CLE (end), DEN @ KC

Hey, a turnover! I thought they flagged a hit to the head there. Oh well. BLACK JERSEYS ALL THE TIME. An understated part of the Eagles' improvement on defense is Nate Allen isn't God-awful anymore.


Still have no idea why Mendenhall plays more than Ellington. Defending the middle seems to be a problem for the Eagles at the moment. Bryce Brown is a "big, powerful runner inside"? Did Moose just get here? The punt hits a Cardinal, they recover it, then possibly fumble it anyway? And that's the right call. Cards got lucky twice there. I never like challenging ball spots. Chip might win this one. Yep. So what do the Cardinals do? Either decision could be justified. Mendenhall picks it up. And Fitzgerald torches the Eagles yet again — he took that hit like nothing happened.


Nice catch by Cooper on a way-too-high throw. Brad Smith hasn't taken a snap in a while and it shows. A field goal seems like a loss there. DeSean ended up playing defense on that long ball into the end zone that Foles overthrew. Wait, what? Why would you need replay on that? Why didn't the Cardinals call time out? Very strange. First down McCoy. That's PI and it was catchable — Cooper gut pushed out of the path of the ball. Touchdown!


DeSean just got Honey Badgered. That's two third downs in a row. That probably shouldn't have worked. Oh, OK, Ertz was more open than I thought. I refuse to get comfortable... these are still the Cardinals. They're covering the hell out of Fitzgerald now. Someone tell Carson that Movember is over. That's twice that the Cardinals have gotten a touchdown off of two Eagles colliding. That was a poor series. What was Carson doing there?


Trent Cole's trying to keep a job for next year. He's going nuts. Was that just a bad, short kick? The Eagles STILL can't escape Kurt Coleman's awfulness. Why is he still in the league? He can't do anything. Foles should have gone somewhere else with that. "Pass Rush Specialist"? Dude coached in Super Bowl I? THAT is old school. That was ALMOST an interception. I've been thinking all game I'm surprised Peterson or Mathieu hasn't been returning kicks. The Cardinals should challenge this... I don't think it hit the ground. They gave it to him? This is how it starts... and that Floyd catch is how it continues... and that pass interference call... and the tight end walking into the end zone untouched. And Foles throws his first pick on a ball he should have thrown away five seconds earlier. What? Defensive holding? That always goes the other way when the Eagles are playing the Cardinals.


Why did Foles keep it on 3rd and 2? WOW. That 4th down pass always either gets caught or pass interference is called. Wait, what? Foles screws up and goes out of bounds, but they call defensive holding? And then they got another penalty because the Cardinals were (probably correctly) pissed about it? But let's not bury the lede here: The Cardinals ALWAYS win this game. ALWAYS. Welcome to a new and glorious age. (Eagles 24, Cardinals 21)

I thought Harvard men were smarter than that, Ryan Fitzpatrick. (Colts 22, Titans 14)

Hey Jaguars, what's up with those helmets?This really shouldn't have been the best game of the day but so far it is.


(Jaguars 32, Browns 28)

What are they calling on Bushrod? Throwing the ball downfield? He didn't do that. Lot of stupid going on in this game, I'm hearing. See, I'm OK with ties. I think college football's overtime is a joke. I also think the NHL should bring them back. Does Chris Conte just suck or what? He's pleading he didn't grab Peterson's facemask — and he didn't; he horse-collared him, and badly at that. And the field goal is good. WAIT WHAT. Seriously? #40 dropped a game-winner earlier and now he gets flagged for a facemask that wipes out a game-winning field goal in overtime? If the Vikings lose this game he's getting cut.


And then Peterson loses two more yards. This is sad to watch. Now GOULD misses? He's money! That's... what.


Also, AD has 200 yards. Try again, Walsh. It's GOOD! 40 gets to keep his job. Happy Hanukkah, dude. I don't know if you're Jewish or not but you deserve some kind of salutation. (Vikings 23, Bears 20, OT)

Reeeemaaaaaatch. I don't know what Alex Smith saw there. Rolling out, throwing it across his body, that's textbook "how not to do that." Good to see Moreno out there after the end of last week's game. Dude's been a horse. The Chiefs finally got to Peyton! Sure it took a safety blitz, but still. Quintin Demps! Black guy named Hemingway? OK.


Nantz and Simms have good spotters. Whoa, Manning scuffling at Arrowhead. Not a great throw. You know who I like is this Cooper kid. Illegal formation? Dude's a guard, isn't he?That just wiped out a touchdown. And Fasano (!) picks it up anyway. Who had the Chiefs up by two touchdowns at any point? Put your hands down, you liars. I see Welker's back returning punts after last week. That's the second time Decker's gotten free deep. How many turnovers can be nullified by penalties in one game? I think these guys are trying to set the record. Both teams have slowed down — the Chiefs by themselves, the Broncos'; due to Chiefs' pressure. I don't know what the difference is but Peyton's been under much more duress than he was two weeks ago. That Trevathan interception that wasn't had the longest delayed reaction ever. That's a bad grounding call. Jesus. That's three times Decker's torched the Chiefs deep and Peyton's found him. We got confusion and discord all over the place here. the sideline incident, the almost-fumble. So now what? Chiefs punt. OK. That was BEAUTIFUL. Perfect pass, hit Thomas in stride. Excellent.


Another touchdown for Decker, who's really been forgotten about when people talk about this Broncos offense. The Chiefs' receivers have let Smith down twice on this drive. Cooper's having a bad third quarter. That's an obvious penalty.The Chiefs' receivers are letting Smith down on this drive too. Somehow they got a touchdown anyway. So many flags. One more shot for the Chiefs. A.J. JENKINS!!! That's his first highlight ever. Bowe can't bring that one in and he probably had a shot at it at least. Well, that's that. (Broncos 35, Chiefs 28)

So when was the last time the Falcons won in the U.S.? (Falcons 34, Bills 31, OT)

"And now, Giants-Redskins, because we literally have no better options."


And yet, here we are. Actually, this opening drive hasn't been bad. I can't say the same for the Giants' opening drive, as it started with Eli getting sacked. Griffin needs to stop ending up in no man's land. Is he doing it on his own? Is it the plays they're calling? Cris, let's not forget the Giants are equally bad. Or possibly worse, as Griffin is now 12-for-12. Then the Redskins let the Giants basically do nothing but run down the field for no good reason. I'm giving this game the attention it deserves, which isn't much. Also, Return of the Jedi is on. I think it's a little disingenuous for Collinsworth to just claim that RG3's looking to run first without evidence. Now, the one where Helu got free and was open down the field was said evidence, but you shouldn't just go out and say that for no real reason.


"You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet?" Stellar trolling, NBC DJ. Eil was under pressure and didn't make a good throw. They're showing Gilbride, who may be the most hated coordinator by his own team's fans in the league. Meanwhile nobody's blocking anyone, on the offensive lines or on the punt teams. Didn't the ball break the plane on that Cruz catch? Brown didn't make it. Oh, wait, looking at the replay, he DID — his body never hit the ground; it's on top of a Redskins player. Will Beatty's getting abused again. Or still. I'm not sure. This is bad.


I'm not sure why Shanahan is challenging this unless he's saying the play ended? Oh my God, that botched punt. Cruz just faked DeAngelo Hall out of his shoes.


Yeah, kick that field goal to go up by seven. Wait, WHAT happened? So on 2nd down, the refs moved the chains even though they got the measurement wrong, then the Redskins ran a play, but the referee signaled third down, the Redskins got the first down, then Hill took the ball out of Garcon's hands? So it was a miscommunication by the refs?


Every single entity involved with this contest is bad and they should feel bad. (Giants 24, Redskins 17)

That first completion by Wilson was a feast of errors. Man it's loud. WOW. Doesn't matter what you call that one, it's a touchdown. Saints aren't doing well at this present second. Wilson got lucky there — the coverage was excellent and it should have been picked off. Whoa! Where was the coverage there? How fast is Zach Miller? Nice block by 87 and Miller almost made it. And now we've got weather. Seventeen points already? OK. These penalties are problematic. You can't give Brees chances no matter how out of sorts he may be. And that's why, right there. That deep ball by Wilson to Baldwin was better than the last one.


Who calls a prevent defense in your own end zone? Maybe Rob Ryan really IS Kevin Nash. Tirico: "Why do they have seats here?" Saints missed a challenge opportunity there. Did the Seahawks just get into the Saints' red zone in about 10 seconds? This is on the borderline of getting out of hand. Sup, random grunge band assembled just for this sound demonstration. Gruden predicting that screen to Thomas was odd. The Saints just can't sustain anything.


Gruden's asking the same question I am: "Who are these receivers?" Wait, WHAT? That might count, too. How does one re-establish position inbounds?


I'd like to sincerely thank Ed Hochuli for those explanations. I'm not even joking. I know the Saints can explode offensively at any time but this just feels like it's over. Graham's the only one who's gotten any run to night. Also, this Maxwell guy's played well replacing Browner and Thurmond tonight. WE WERE STRETCHING OUR BALLS. I'm... kinda with Gruden on pulling Brees here. The only things that can happen to him now are bad. (Seahawks 34, Saints 7)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (11-1) — Establishing some serious dominance
2. Denver (10-2) — The AFC's road is still high and mountainous
3. New England (9-3) — Getting lucky again?
4. (tie) New Orleans (9-3) — A clear setback
4. (tie) Carolina (9-3) — Disregarding the burden of proof

BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (3-8-1) — Putting in for hazard pay
30. Cleveland (4-8) — Wasn't defense the Browns' strength?
31. Tampa Bay (3-9) — What momentum?
32. Houston (2-10) — They were 2-0 at one point...

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Saturday, October 5, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Against The Grain

This has all the makings of the usual bad Thursday night blowout: desperate team on the road against an inferior division opponent. If the 49ers lose, do we start invoking the Super Bowl Loser's curse? Because the Madden Curse isn't in play this season.

Sounds about right. So basically all this was was the 49ers going back to power running and the Rams not showing any progress. And even though Sam Bradford's last good coach was Bob Stoops, is it getting close to "pull the plug" time? (49ers 35, Rams 11)

Signal Finder: PIT vs.@ MIN (@ London); NYG @ KC, BAL @ BUF (end), SEA @ HOU (part of OT), PHI @ DEN

Colquitt took a nasty shot on that partially blocked punt. Is he okay? That's Hakeem Nicks's year in a nutshell. Oh, Lord, seriously? The bit about the Giants needing to turn the volume up on their helmets is their year in a nutshell. Oh, Colquitt is hurt. That's not good. Alex Smith is going to run for 100 yards in this game. The Andy Reid goal line offense is rearing its ugly head here. Oh, there we go. Jesus, Cruz beat Dunta Robinson by five yards. That wasn't even close. Eli got sacked? I'm stunned. Fumble! Of course. And the Chiefs... fumble it right back. Eli's thrown about four passes so far that probably should have been picked off.

The Giants are going for it on 4th and 2 with 28 seconds left and only one time out. This needs to work. Cruz gets it. Hurry UP. I... really? HE MISSED THE FIELD GOAL. Eli just threw an absolutely brutal interception to Demps.


And AGAIN the Chiefs give it right back! This is ridiculous. That's a close spot. Haha Reid tossed the challenge flag to the official. It's short. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY. Great work by McCluster on that punt return. How did the 49ers let this Cooper kid get away? There's another bad pass. Eli's hardly had time, and when he has, he's throwing into coverage. I really can't understate just how bad Nicks has been this season.Wait, what? The Giants lined up improperly on the field goal? That's... going to give the Chiefs a first down. First and 25 after the clipping penalty and... the Chiefs get 25 yards. Aaaand taking the field goal off the board pays off. More stupid special teams play by the Giants. Take a knee! The Giants are gonna be 0-6. (Chiefs 31, Giants 7)

Welcome to London! Whoever loses this game may as well stay over there. Hey, a Greg Jennings sighting! Peterson just gashed the Steelers' defense. I mean, I know that's what he does but still. Not sure whose fault that Greenway interception is. This is Le'Veon Bell's, what, second game and he may already be the Steelers' best player. The Steelers are still in this game because the Vikings' pass defense is inexplicably horrible. Hang on... looks at starters That explains it, actually. Who are these guys, anyway? Of course, if Ben's hand is hurt, that just causes bigger problems on the other side. Oh, he's back? Never mind then. Wait, L.C. Greenwood died? Sad. :( No. 29 on the Vikings whiffed on the pick there. Jerricho Cotchery is going off? Is it 2007? The Vikings are doing it again, aren't they? Fantastic concentration by Brown. Sack! FUMBLE! The sack would have ended the game anyway but the fumble sealed it. Chins up, Pittsburgh. You've still got the Pirates. And I can actually say that with complete sincerity. (Vikings 34, Steelers 27)

Why did the Ravens kick the field goal? And why did the Bills effectively run it into the line three times? Wait, what? That pass got tipped about four times. Five interceptions for Flacco? Oh. (Bills 23, Ravens 20)

I want to know who Texans fans think they're going to get that's better than Matt Schaub. Josh Freeman? Please. That's an easy interference call on Browner. The flag on the punt just gave the Seahawks 30 yards. And the unnecessary roughness penalty is going to cost the Texans this game. Well, that and their second-half vanishing act. This should never have happened. (Seahawks 23, Texans 20, OT)

My prediction? PAIN. Why was Connor Barwin covering Welker? Or not covering, as the case may be. Of course, you can't cover all of these guys perfectly — someone's going to end up open. I mean, don't GIVE them first downs, guys. That'll happen a lot. Hey, a James Casey sighting. Gotta catch that, Celek — that was a good throw by Vick into the hole in coverage. Field goals are not going to win this game. And that won't help either. Pam Oliver talking about something that I've been wondering about all week — how the Eagles' pace will work in this altitude. They already seem to be a little slower. Uh-oh. They do NOT need to lose DeSean for any amount of time. Hey, a stop! I don't understand this challenge. He was already down. Yeah, that was easy. Does Bryce Brown just not run between the tackles or are all of his runs designed to go outside? Speaking of Bryce, he just stumbled his way out of a touchdown but did well to not go down and get inside the 5. A CHRIS POLK SIGHTING. TOUCHDOWN. Or was it? I'm not sure, actually. Yeah, there's no overturning that one. Go for two? No? Eh. OK. Peyton under pressure and somehow finds Hillman.


Huh? That was... odd... Eagles let the clock run down and take a delay of game on 4th and 6? Don't get that one. If you're gonna punt, punt. I think Chip legitimately had no idea what he wanted to do there, which kind of worries me. On the flip side, that's a spot where none of your choices are particularly good. Oh my that post to Decker was perfection. Stupid penalty by Moreno shoving Ryans down after the play. A sack! And the Broncos don't score! Tremendous. Peyton staying trolling the Eagles with hard counts. What pass interference? Where? Really? I mean that was inevitable but come on. And now poor tackling manifests itself. Anyone who's surprised by this needs to have his head examined. The severity of this, however, is legitimately surprising, at least to me -- I thought they'd score more points.


That's a blocked punt. Jeff Maehl doing work! This is gonna get worse before it gets better. Though it may get a little better next week. (Broncos 52, Eagles 20)

Always love overhead shots of DOMES. Gonzalez just used Jerod Mayo as a pick. Meanwhile, the Falcons are starting three Madden computer-generated players at linebacker.


Uh-oh. The Patriots don't need to lose Wilfork for any period of time. Mulligan? Who is Mulligan? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Just call a play, Smith. The Patriots aren't jumping. They called a play! It didn't work, but why not. Terrible throw, though. Speaking of terrible throws, how does Thompkins catch that? Unreal. Of course...


Gonzalez. Yo, NBC DJ, how do you play any other version of "Beat It"? The Patriots have no second-half touchdowns this year? Huh.


"Roll Out?" OK, DJ, you just redeemed yourself.


What's Brady hot about? That wasn't a penalty. Oh, wait, there was contact but Brady's gotta make a better throw so Dobson doesn't get killed. I'm not really understanding why the Falcons are trying to throw to Roddy White in space. He can't run. Touchdown Patriots. One thing LeGarrette Blount isn't is fast. There's another one... Thompkins brings it in and the Pats have knocked the Falcons off the rails. Only I notice things like this but Kyle Arrington's had about five different jersey numbers.


Hmm. Touchdown. Falcons are trying to come back. They got the onside kick! The Patriots don't need this to get interesting. Why not call a run down here? There's still enough time...



Another onside kick? I don't think I would have done that... no way it works twice in a row. That's... they called it short? I dunno. Fumbled snap! Falcons get the ball! SICK catch by Jones. If this happens... Now Ryan's misfiring everywhere.


(Patriots 30, Falcons 23)


Is that Nick Toon on the Saints? Did no one see Sproles? And I don't mean because he's only 5-7. That was entirely too easy. I feel like Cameron Wake could have helped the Dolphins somehow on that drive. Remember, Tannehill was a WR for two years at A&M. (That's why I was shocked he started last year's opener. Not enough QB experience.) Stuffed! "Caleb Sturgis"? That's a name for a human being? Hmmm. This looks short. And it is. Dolphins... punting? Yeah, they're punting. The formation looked weird for a second. And that's an argument for leaving the running to the runners. Though it was a good job by Lofton to punch it out, it shouldn't have been that easy. Sproles again. Jimmy Graham is a man among men. Brandon Gibson's on the Dolphins now? How about that. Sweet misdirection by the Dolphins and a great juke by this Thigpen character. The most amazing thing about this year's Saints, to me, is that Rob Ryan is actually coordinating a good defense. Props to the Dolphins for hanging around so far as they're getting outplayed pretty badly. Like so. That looked like one of Eli's interceptions. Sproles AGAIN! Benjamin Watson lives! The wheels may be coming off.




Graham! That was quick. This is officially out of hand.





Go home, Gruden; you're drunk. (Saints 38, Dolphins 17)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (4-0) -- Juggernaut SMASH
2. Seattle (4-0) -- Houstonians are often considered the most hospitable of urban Texans
3. New Orleans (4-0) -- Who says coaching doesn't matter?
4. (tie) New England (4-0) -- Have had some escapes so far
4. (tie) Kansas City (4-0) -- Reid winning big with Scott Pioli's players

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (0-4) -- Lots of things going wrong right now
30. Tampa Bay (0-4) -- It's Christmas every Sunday for their opponents
31. N.Y. Giants (0-4) -- Don't do anything particularly well
32. Jacksonville (0-4) -- Petitioning to join the ACC as we speak

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