By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Down To The Ground

Wait, the main FOX crew's doing the NFL Network games too? Jeez. Talk about slumming it. Man, the Ravens completely overhauled their wide receivers. All three guys are new. Green can't handle that one. Both teams exchange punts, with the Ravens fumbling their return but getting it back. Flacco IMMEDIATELY gets intercepted. Pass into the end zone gets deflected and... intercepted? Incomplete. Referees discuss it and change it to an interception by Weddle. Now they can review it and this is getting overturned — Weddle's left foot was out of bounds. It's overturned. The Ravens' C.J. Mosley being carted off. Ravens get called for DPI in the end zone. Dalton rolls out and finds Green for the touchdown. Lamar Jackson in at receiver, and Flacco goes to Crabtree for a first down. Is this intentional grounding? Refs say Flacco's forward progress was stopped before his throw, so it's a sack. Buck seems skeptical of that reasoning.

Bengals' 2018 draft class all over this one so far. Second-round pick Jessie Bates has an interception and third-rounder Sam Hubbard, subbing in for Carlos Dunlap for a couple of plays, had a sack on the last drive.

— Dan Graziano (@DanGrazianoESPN) September 14, 2018

Troy Aikman talking about how Flacco always struggles in Cincinnati and how every QB has that one place he hates to play: "For me, it was Philly."

— Reuben Frank (@RoobNBCS) September 14, 2018

Dalton finds Green in traffic,and Green gets out of traffic and scores after breaking a tackle. 14-0 Bengals. Bengals driving AGAIN. Penalty on 3rd and 13 keeps the drive going. Green AGAIN!! And it's not like the Ravens aren't covering him. He's just been that good.

2018 Ravens

Week 1: dog

Week 2: hydrant

— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) September 14, 2018

before i made a joke about people playing against a.j. green in fantasy, i thought to myself "self, are you playing against a.j. green in fantasy?"

no joke was told.

— El Flaco (@bomani_jones) September 14, 2018

The Bengals have scored 45 straight points going back to Sunday. Jackson back in, this time at quarterback, but Sam Hubbard just blew up whatever the Ravens may have been planning there. John Brown makes a big catch in traffic (he's not as large as Green) for a 45-yard gain. Pass interference in the end zone gives the Ravens the ball at the 1. Buck Allen scores. Apparently Collinsworth trolled Aikman by telling him he'd be relaxing at home watching this game tonight. Dalton finds Tyler Boyd down the sideline for 21. Boyd again on third down. And this time it's Boyd for the touchdown. Ravens in four-down territory at the 2-minute warning. THE FIRST ONE. Ravens hold and the Bengals have to punt. Flacco airmails it for Brown, but Dre Kirkpatrick bumps him slightly (Incidental contact; no reason to throw a flag) and drops an interception. Then he gets flagged for pass interference and it's Ravens ball at the 1. Alex Collins gets stuffed on first down. This time Crabtree pushes off Kirkpatrick, but the Bengals called time out, so the play doesn't count. FINALLY Flacco finds rookie TE Mark Andrews for a touchdown.

Three of the six touchdowns in this first half have been scored after a pass interference penalty in the end zone set the team up with first-and-goal from the 1.

— Dan Graziano (@DanGrazianoESPN) September 14, 2018

Justin Tucker from 55 and the touchdown run is snapped. 28-17 Bengals. Another interception from Flacco. Things have slowed down considerably. Ravens pick up 3rd and 1 on a Flacco sneak. Touchdown John Brown! Bengals want a penalty but won't get it. Two-point conversion fails but it's still a five-point game with 9:35 left. Actually, Collinsworth is here, as the Bengals honored the 1988 Super Bowl team. Mixon back for the Bengals. First down after a penalty after an incompletion on 3rd and 2. Bengals can't make 3rd and 15, but they're at the Ravens' 11 for what should be an easy field goal. It's good, and it's 31-23. Flacco rolls out... that is a fumble. Bengals take over. Field goal makes it 34-23. 48 seconds left — the Ravens should spike it and kick the field goal right now. They spike it, but they keep running plays. Harbaugh has botched this and they won't get the ball back.  Hey, this score looks familiar. (Bengals 34, Ravens 23)

Signal Finder: KC @ PIT, PHI @ TB, MIN @ GB (end), NE @ JAX, OAK @ DEN (end)

The Chiefs force a three-and-out, so the Steelers punt it short of Tyreek Hill. But DeAnthony Thomas IS there, and he returns it for 31 yards, and then 12 more after he bobbled the ball. Travis Kelce dinged for OPI. Mahomes with a bullet to Chris Conley for the touchdown. Hey, it's Sammy Watkins. Hey, there he is again. Touchdown Kelce! Steelers driving finally. Third down pass is too high and Boswell MISSES from 49. Now an end around to Watkins, who's given them some big plays already. Mahomes to Hill for a touchdown!

Hunt scores at Heinz Field, ultimate troll move.

— scott pianowski (@scott_pianowski) September 16, 2018

21-0 and they're booing softly in Pittsburgh. Sack/fumble/Chiefs touchdown is negated by defensive holding on Orlando Scandrick, who, remarkably, is still in the league. Ben finds Juju. Steelers clicking again. Ben throws up a lob and Road Dogg catches it for a touchdown. Steelers driving again. Screen to Juju to the outside gives them first and goal. Too high for James. Juju in the corner for the touchdown. Missed extra point.

I gambled on an Andy Reid team that burst out to a 21-0 lead, had the game-clinching TD called back on a penalty and now seems to be losing momentum... I mean, what could go wrong?

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) September 16, 2018

The Chiefs' offense has ground to a halt. That's kind of a ridiculous over-the-shoulder catch by James. Conner tries his best OBJ impression but lands out of bounds, but there was pass interference. Touchdown Steelers! Two-point conversion succeeds and we're tied. 21-21 at halftime. Second half starts similarly to the first — with a big play. This time it's Mahomes to Hill for 36. Mahomes to Kelce for the touchdown. Juju's just gonna run away from linebackers, guys. Is that an honest-to-goodness fullback? This is close. It's called a touchdown and I think it'll stand. Yep. Put it on the board for Conner. We're tied again. That hair is terrible. The Steelers cannot tackle Travis Kelce.

the chiefs are obviously a nightmare matchup for everyone, but pittsburgh really didn’t address their issues on defense this offseason

— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) September 16, 2018

Touchdown Chiefs. Incomplete, they now say. Nah, that's a catch. Throw the flag, Andy. Call reversed. Touchdown. Mahomes just missed Watkins. The doctor gets flagged for illegal use of hands. Concerning. Hill! SIX. TOUCHDOWN. PASSES.

Wait until those famed NFL defenses catch up to Patrick Mahomes when they get on tape that he's, uh, throwing perfectly-placed passes on every play and knows exactly what to do on every decision. It'll be, uh, over then.

— Kevin Clark (@bykevinclark) September 16, 2018

A safety breaks up the monotony. Chiefs fumble! Steelers have it! Big gain by James. Great pass breakup by new Chief Kendall Fuller, keeping Brown out of the end zone. Roethlisberger takes off and... SCORES? Yes! Extra point is good. Chiefs running clock successfully. Steelers force a punt on 4th and 6... and run into the punter. (Chiefs 42, Steelers 37)

It is HOT. SON OF A GOD DAMN BITCH.

1 play. 1 touchdown. Fitz to DeSean Jackson for a 75 yard touchdown. The gameplan for the Eagles this week was to make sure Jackson didn’t hurt them down field. He just did. On one play. 7-0 Bucs.

— James Palmer (@JamesPalmerTV) September 16, 2018

I fucking hate him. I always have. Eagles follow up with a three-and-out on offense. That's a good punt. Ryan Fitzpatrick protects the football? What?? 43-yard punt return by Clement nullified by a penalty. Ajayi out with a back injury. Two straight first downs for the Eagles. Then two straight penalties, and three on the last four plays. 2nd and 40! That ended how you imagine it did. Now the Bucs face a 3rd and 21, and that also ended how you imagine it did. Foles scrambles for a first down. Foles loses the ball, and it's ruled a fumble and the Bucs recover. That's close, but I think it stands. Confirmed. Well then. The Eagles get it back two plays later off of a deflection! JPP with the sack. Punt lands right on the goal line. Mike Evans with a straight-up drop. The Bucs haven't done much offensively since that first play. Ertz with a first down catch. Pass interference on Chris Conte, who is bad. Josh Perkins gets a catch? Feels like the Eagles are throwing too much on this drive. Agholor gets spun around and comes up short on 3rd and 7, it looks like. Length of the football. Pederson's going for it. Foles sneak gets it. Ertz was open on that first-down breakdown. Touchdown Clement! O.J. Howard for a 75-yard touchdown!

OK, OJ Howard can beat Jordan Hicks that isn't the end of the world. But Ronald Darby has to make that tackle. Why in the world could he not make that tackle?

— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) September 16, 2018

He caught six passes in his entire career at Alabama, only in bowl games, and they were ALL like this. (I'm exaggerating. Sort of.) He got help from a great block by Chris Godwin on Jenkins. Extra point is MISSED. Bucs actually driving this time. Eagles forget to cover Godwin and he's wide open for a touchdown. 20-7. Foles finds Ertz down the sideline. Elliott CLANGS from 42. Nothing going right. Ajayi back out to start the second half. Ertz has to come back to his and he's short. Pederson going for it on 4th and 4 from the Tampa 49. Doesn't work. DeSean with a catch inside the 10. Cox walks off. Fitzpatrick finds Evans in the back of the end zone. I know FitzMagic has never been sustainable but is there a chance Jameis Winston doesn't get his job back in two weeks? This is his sixth start against the Eagles,and for his sixth team. He started the Eagles-Bengals tie? Wild.
Big pass play to Agholor. Conte's replacement stops Agholor on a reverse. Fourth and 1 from the Bucs' 5. Foles sneak again works. Touchdown Ajayi. Jenkins strips the ball from Evans and the Eagles have it. Clement takes a shot while laying out for that 4th down pass and he's slow to get up.

That third and 7 might have been the Eagles' last stand.

— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) September 16, 2018

Agholor's gotta call for a fair catch there. Was that a catch? Eh, no matter, DPI gives the Eagles a first down. Eagles are going for it on 4th because they ran Ajayi on third. Crazy catch by Agholor in the back corner of the end zone for the touchdown, and then he hurdles a cameraman afterwards. Do you onside kick here? They do not. Hmmm. DeSean beats Mills again, and that might be it. Pitchy pitchy woo woo fails as always. Just a bad loss all around. (Buccaneers 27, Eagles 21)

Someone hit Cam and actually got flagged for it? It's a new age. (Falcons 31, Panthers 24)

Gregg Williams is one quarter away from a Revenge Game for the ages.

— Gregg Rosenthal (@greggrosenthal) September 16, 2018

WOW! Taylor put just enough on that ball and put it in just the right place for Callaway. That looked like a sure overthrow.

EXTRA POINT: NO GOOD.

WITH ONE MINUTE TO PLAY THE BROWNS ARE TIED AGAIN.

0-0-16 DREAMS ARE ALIVE.

— The Ringer (@ringer) September 16, 2018

So. Browns. And we're in the Superdome, so you can guess how it went from here. (Saints 21, Browns 18)

OT in Lambeau because a linebacker dared to wrap his arms around the quarterback and tackle him, which is now a penalty.

— Michael Wilbon (@RealMikeWilbon) September 16, 2018

Oh, no, bad Mason Crosby. Packers going to overtime because of some BS. Cook with a big run. Replay of the hit in question. Yeah, I get the rule, but that wasn't what happened there. New Vikings rookie kicker Daniel Carlson from 49. Not even CLOSE. Packers forced to punt. Thielen! Vikings grinding clock. Carlson on again. ARE YOU SERIOUS.

Stop it

— Erin Andrews (@ErinAndrews) September 16, 2018

Someone give Dan Bailey a job.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) September 16, 2018

In case you're curious...

The last time there were 2 games that ended in a tie during the first 2 weeks of a season was in 1973, the year before the NFL instituted the overtime rule.

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) September 16, 2018

Taking bets on next week's inevitable tie. I'm going with Chiefs-49ers.

— 506 Sports (@506sports) September 16, 2018

That's a terrible loss for the Packers. Also a Scorigami but you probably figured that. (Vikings 29, Packers 29, OT)

Wait, Donte Moncrief's on the Jaguars now? He just caught a touchdown pass. KEENAN COLE THOUGH. That's the OBJ catch but over the opposite shoulder. Corey Grant making people miss. Touchdown Cole! Eric Rowe beaten both times. 14-0. Keep putting the pressure on. Everyone on the Patriots' sideline is angry. Slow going for the Pats' offense. Hey, there's rookie Sony Michel. That's helmet-to-helmet, yeah. Field goal is good. Bortles again. Touchdown Jags! 21-3 at halftime.

The last time the Patriots were down 18 points at halftime was Super Bowl LI, when the Falcons led at halftime by a score of … 21-3.

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 16, 2018

Bortles to Cole for 14. Nantz points out that this is happening despite no Fournette and losing their left tackle early in the game. Cole remains uncovered. BORTLES SCRAMBLE. That elusiveness. First and goal! Somehow Bortles is third-all time in yards per rush by a quarterback, behind Vick and Bobby Douglass. There'll be no touchdown on this drive.

Smart by the Jags to avoid making it 28-3.

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 16, 2018

Gronk's been silenced. 2 catches, 8 yards? Brady overthrows Philip Dorsett, who's bad. Rookie D.J. Chark gets the ball knocked out and the Pats recover. Uh-oh.

speaking of still being who you are, blake bortles. i'm not sure how jim nantz decided that one wasn't on him. romo clearly doesn't agree.

— El Flaco (@bomani_jones) September 16, 2018

Michel bulls through the line. Brady to Hogan for the touchdown. Jaguars can't answer. James White with a big run. Cordarrelle Patterson's on the Patriots? He just fell down after catching a pass on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good.

None of the unproven big-game Pats (Waddle, Michel, Dorsett, Patterson, Rowe etc) came through today. At least so far. Def missed Edelman/Amendola today. TB has no security blanket on 3rd and longish if Gronk is doubled.

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) September 16, 2018

Bortles throws an interception off Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who's had more than his share of bad luck against the Patriots. Pats ball at the Jacksonville 25. FUMBLE. Jaguars ball! Dante Fowler does his best Brandon Graham impression. Bortles collides with Stephon Gilmore and is stopped short on 3rd and 5. Go for it, Jaguars. FALSE START. Christ. Now they gotta punt. Jags challenging the spot. This seems close... could this actually work? Overturned and short. Fourth down and the Patriots punt.

Think the Pats would consider going for this against a lesser defense.

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 16, 2018

Jags jumped offsides but nobody saw it. Dede Westbrook? DEDE WESTBROOK! TOUCHDOWN! Hey, Philip Dorsett actually caught a pass. Patterson again. Touchdown to Hogan. Patriots kick it off short. Niles Paul? Really? I don't know if the Pats' defense is still that bad but Bortles has been legitimately great. The Patriots aren't gonna get the ball back, are they? NOPE. Lessons learned. Feels like the Patriots have had an early-season flop the lat few years. This lessens the pain. (Jaguars 31, Patriots 20)

In his last three games, Matt Patricia-coached defenses have given up 119 points to Nick Foles, Sam Darnold, and Jimmy Garoppolo. (49ers 30, Lions 27)

Get out of bounds, kid! That was dicey. McManus in. Kickers haven't had the best day today. It's GOOD! (Broncos 20, Raiders 19)

TAVON AUSTIN. Glad somebody finally got something out of him after five years.

If you think a running back is a transcendent enough talent to take with the second overall pick, you can’t punt on fourth-and-inches at midfield.

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 17, 2018

I mean, yeah. That's why you make that mistake. Big run by Elliott. Austin again.

And two plays later, Dallas is at the spot New York punted from.

— Andrew Zuckerman (@A_Zuckerman) September 17, 2018

Now Dak with a run and the Cowboys have found some meat on that left side. Drive stalls, but the field goal is good this week. My answer to last week question of "Do the Giants even have four good linebackers" is probably "no" on first glance. TACO. That was an... interesting way to field that punt. What are the Giants doing? At least they went for it that time. Dak finds Terrence Williams. That didn't last long. The Giants still can't protect Eli. Another punt. Cowboys have controlled this game but they haven't done much since the first two drives. Meanwhile, the Giants can't do anything at all.

The Giants have run 24 plays and gained 54 yards. That's 2.25 yards per play, meaning you need to run 4.4444 plays to get a first down. That math don't work.

— Dan Graziano (@DanGrazianoESPN) September 17, 2018

And the Giants start the second half by letting Eli get sacked and fumble. Poor tackling by the Giants leads to a first down. No idea what Dak was trying to do there. That ball's never landing inbounds. Cowboys settle for three. Eli throws over a double-covered Beckham and it still almost gets picked. He then finds Cody Latimer (?) for a big gain into Cowboys territory.

Sean Lee in the  blue medical tent.

— Todd Archer (@toddarcher) September 17, 2018

Someone's down for the Giants. Is that a leg brace or an air cast? Whatever it is, it looks bad. Cart's out. Eli overthrows Sterling Shepard. Eli tries to run and gets wrecked by Jaylon Smith. Kicker is out. Field goal is good. Beckham out to return this punt. Eli sacked again. That's, what, six? Prescott picks up a first down on a fourth-down sneak. Elliott gets to the second level. Cowboys in the red zone. Elliott appears to get stuffed on 3rd and 2, then cuts left to get the first down, then scores. We're done here. Can we get a Sean Lee update? Oh, their top draft pick is in. Eli finds an uncovered Engram for a touchdown that likely won't amount to much. Giants recover the onside kick? OK then. Beckham was going to get creamed either way on that ball into the end zone. Giants should have kicked the field goal by now. They're botching this the same way the Ravens did on Thursday night.

Should have kicked it 3 plays earlier

— ED17 (@EthanD_17) September 17, 2018

They do with 14 seconds left, and now Sean Lee's back out with the hands team for some reason. This was a fast game. It's not even 11:30. Kudos to all involved for that, at least. (Cowboys 20, Giants 13)

Russ almost fumbles that away but is ruled down. The Seahawks haven't scored on their opening drive in almost two seasons (31 games).

I wonder what year every team will know that punting on 4th and 2 from opponents 44 yard line is not an option ?  I mean like first drive of the game...  👍🏻👌🏻

— Jason Mercier (@JasonMercier) September 18, 2018

Trubisky SCRAMBLING. Breaking tackles, even. Trubisky sidearms a laser just past new Seahawk Mychal Kendricks to Jordan Howard, who takes off for 17 yards. Shovel pass to Burton for the touchdown.

That inside shovel pass near the goal line has been an Andy Reid staple for years. Matt Nagy takes one from his mentor.

— Mike Garafolo (@MikeGarafolo) September 18, 2018

Wilson not making optimal decisions, such as throwing to a double-covered tight end. TARIK COHEN PUNT RETURN. Not to the house, but he does get to the 40. That looks like a first down, but I'm not sure. They measure and it's about a yard short. The Bears go for it and Howard picks it up. Trubisky makes a bad read on an option and the Seahawks snuff it. Wilson was lucky he wasn't sacked in the end zone there. Trubisky underthrows Robinson and it's picked by Shaquill Griffin (the older of the Griffin twins and has also been in the league longer). Seahawks still can't get the ball moving. Tipped and picked AGAIN By Shaquill! Looks like Kendricks tipped it. DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: RIGHT side. Um, block Khalil Mack, Seahawks. Um, BLOCK KHALIL MACK, SEAHAWKS. It's like 4th and 56 now. (26. Apples and oranges.)

Raiders just offered three No. 1s to the Bears for Khalil Mack.

— mike freeman (@mikefreemanNFL) September 18, 2018

Bad snap, bad punt. This game may end 7-0. Trubisky finds Cohen downfield after the play breaks down. Robinson stretches and converts 3rd and 5. Urlacher in the house! He's getting his Hall of Fame ring tonight. Direct snap to Burton? Are these the Chicago Bears? Field goal is good. Trevathan with a sack and that's five this half. Wilson saves this drive with a scramble. Are they bringing on Seabass here? Yep. They look like basketball shorts on him. Janikowski from 56. Easy as pie. 10-3 Bears at the half. Kendricks with a sack for the Seahawks.

It’s like Mychal Kendricks knew that protection was coming and took advantage of the opportunity

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) September 18, 2018

DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: LEFT side. Carroll calls time out to figure out this third down call. Pressure breaks down the Seattle offensive line (again) (shocker) and a swing pass to Mike Davis comes up short. Is Eddie Lacy still in the league? Seahawks punt. Bears aren't doing a great job of getting Taylor Gabriel in space — his speed is nullified when he's in traffic like that. Like that. That's better. They're doing a lot of this on this drive. Trubisky rolls left and hits Anthony Miller for the touchdown. Wilson somehow finds Tyler Lockett on 3rd and 14. Was he down? Yeah, his knee's down. No fumble. The Seahawks' offensive line also cannot block anyone. Amukamara gets hit with illegal contact. Did Lockett CATCH that? Touchdown! A dropkick kickoff? Really? I mean, it worked. WOW. Amukamara just picked the Seahawks' pocket. 24-10 Bears and that might be the ball game. Seahawks pick up a first down and now need to speed up. Fumble! Bears ball! THAT'S game.

Ninety-eight years ago today, the NFL was formed inside a Canton, Ohio car dealership. Twelve team owners each paid an entry fee of $100.

Today, the Dallas Cowboys are worth 4.8 billion. The NFL’s least valuable franchise, the Buffalo Bills, is valued at $1.6 billion.

— Don Van Natta Jr. (@DVNJr) September 18, 2018

I don't think Wilson ever saw Trevathan. So what's the issue on this punt? Bears touched it first so it's just a touchback, right? Nope, Seahawks ball at the 1. ESPN replaced Gerry Austin with JEFF TRIPLETTE? That's actually a downgrade. Seahawks running out of time. Touchdown with 14 seconds left. Dropkick ONSIDE kick. Yeah, that ain't happening. (Bears 24, Seahawks 17)

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Dropping The Bar

This has the makings of a low-scoring affair. Like, one team may not crack double digits. I don't know why the 49ers are doing the same things that didn't help them against the Giants on Sunday against a better defense. Seriously, they got to the NFC title game last year by not relying on Alex Smith. Why change that? Meanwhile, the Seahawks keep literally letting opportunities slip through their fingers, which isn't smart considering you only get so many of those. Hey, a pass! Hey, a touchdown! Not sure I was expecting that after this game turned into a boxing match in the second half. That might do it, actually. Bad throw, rook. GORE! GORE! GORE! Bad throw, Alex. More Gore, of course. A quarterback draw? The 49ers must not think the Seahawks can get seven points, and frankly, they're probably right. That was a weird sequence with the challenge and then the Seahawks calling time for no apparent reason. The league's best punting is in the Bay Area. Wait, what, A flag? Chop block in the end zone for a safety?! Okay, what's going on? They're... measuring downfield? Harbaugh just took two points off the board and the line was 7.5!!!

God I love Jim Harbaugh. He keeps pissing people off with the littlest things. Like declining a safety with huge gambling implications.
— Zach Harper (@talkhoops) October 19, 2012

Ladies and gentlemen, Jim Harbaugh just trolled Las Vegas. (49ers 13, Seahawks 6)

Signal Finder: WAS @ NYG, BAL @ HOU, TEN @ BUF (end), DAL @ CAR (end), NO @ TB (end), NYJ @ NE

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Every time I see Justin Tuck's facemask, I feel like I've never seen it before. It's uncanny how Shanahan finds these guys to just run for 100 yards whenever they feel like it. These defenses have not played well. 26 passes to five runs? Is Reid calling the Giants' plays? And now we're seeing some stupidity by both quarterbacks.

RGThreeceptions aren't as fun as Eli or Romo because even though he plays for the Skins, I kinda dig his style
— TH, if you will (@tholzerman) October 21, 2012

I know the Redskins have given the Giants problems recently, but how is this a game? Either JPP or the Gangnam Style dance just jumped the shark; I'm not sure which yet. The Redskins are now in the situation the Eagles put themselves in against the Steelers: you went for it back there, you might as well do it again. Man, Webster's been getting picked on even when they don't actually throw the ball. Wait, what? His knee may have been down. Oh, never mind. Seriously, Eli? That was terrible. And what's with the pitch to the tight end on third down, then kicking a field goal here? This division sucks. And now the Giants throw on first down with 5 minutes left? What is going ON up there?

He speaks for the entire NFC East outside of New York, btw RT @unsilent: I kind of love Kevin Gilbride, you guys.
— TH, if you will (@tholzerman) October 21, 2012

Griffin just ran around for about two hours back there before that fourth down conversion. The pass was the easiest part. Are you kidding me? There's that Giants defense for you. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? There's that Redskins defense for you. I've grown to hate the salsa shimmy. It just looks stupid. Aaaand that'll be that. Those last two minutes were something. The six minutes before that were the complete opposite of that something. (Giants 27, Redskins 23)

The Ravens without their leader, the Texans coming off a nationally televised ass kicking... this may have been expected, but not to this extent. Joe Flacco played football like Joe Shlabotnik played football. The AFC is terrible so far. (Texans 43, Ravens 13)

Hasselbeck's TD pass to Washington happened at the same time as RG3's go-ahead pass, by the way. Also, Chris Johnson rose from the dead. (Titans 35, Bills 34)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II:

RT @calvinwatkins: Here's a 1st: A Redskin talked to the Cowboys team last night. Joe Gibbs addressed the team.
— Dan Graziano (@espn_nfceast) October 21, 2012

Maybe it was sabotage. Or maybe the Cowboys legitimately aren't very good. I'm thinking both, actually. (Cowboys 19, Panthers 14)

Why bring the creamsicles back? They signify nothing but pain and misery. Of course, that may change if the Bucs can finish this drive and tie this game. Dallas Clark lives! What's gotten into Vincent Jackson? Touchdown! Wait, what? He was out of bounds? Oh, he was pushed out of bounds then came back in. Tough break. That's how the Bucs would lose back in the bad old days. (Saints 35, Buccaneers 28)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close III: So all the nice work the Jets did on that drive gets canceled out in 15 seconds. Covering Gronkowski would probably help. Sanchez on the safety: "Oh, crap, ball's loose in the end zone. I can't let them recover it; it'll be a touchdown. Should I just fall on it? I could just — oh, no, here comes Wilfork. If I fall on it, he'll fall on me, and I may die. I'll just get it out of here like it's an undisarmable bomb." That the Jets are only down six at halftime should raise eyebrows on both sides.

Good thing the Jets traded for Tebow so they could continue not to use him on the goal line.
— mark schlereth (@markschlereth) October 21, 2012

Again: Covering Gronkowski would probably help. Dustin Keller lives! This is a classic case of the resistible force overpowering the movable object. Stephen Hill just dropped first and goal. And Devin McCourty just fumbled away the Pats' lead. Terrible timing for Sanchez to get sacked and he was taking some heat in the chat room for not throwing it away, but he'd almost gotten away from Hightower and probably would have chucked it or taken off and run. Again: COVERING GRONKOWSKI WOULD PROBABLY HELP. What? Sanchez fell on that sack like he tripped over something. Ball's out! That's such a Jets way to lose. And if you're a Patriots fan, are you the least bit reassured right now? (Patriots 29, Jets 26, OT)

Props to the #Jaguars and the Make-A-Wish Foundation for letting Chad Henne fulfill his dream of impersonating an NFL quarterback.
— Chris Medlin (@chris_medlin) October 22, 2012

Matt Leinart: "You have got to be kidding me with this. I could outplay both of these clowns in my sleep. I've done it on Madden 13. I did it in Madden 12! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME. I COULD HAVE SAVED YOU FROM THIS TORTURE. I WILL COME OVER THERE RIGHT NOW AND HUMILIATE BOTH OF YOU WITH ONE HAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK."
Carson Palmer: "Dude!"
Matt Leinart: "...that was out loud, wasn't it?"
Carson Palmer: "Just a little bit."
Matt Leinart: "...damn."
(Raiders 26, Jaguars 23, OT)

That Suh sack on Cutler looked weird but was perfectly legal. I don't know how Brandon Marshall or anyone else is saying something about a leg whip because there wasn't one. Jason Campbell not getting a starting gig baffles me — almost half the teams in the AFC would take him right now. The Lions are in trouble. (Bears 13, Lions 7)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Atlanta (6-0) — Could probably play better
2. Houston (6-1) — Short memories are crucial
3. Chicago (5-1) — Back to battering and bruising
4. San Francisco (5-2) — Should stick with the basics

BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (1-5) — Newton embroiled in controversy again
30. Jacksonville (1-5) — Could use a quarterback or two
31. Kansas City (1-5) — At least no more damage was done
32. Cleveland (1-6) — Maybe new ownership will help

Fearful Forecast 2010

NFC EAST (If it's possible for all four of these teams to somehow finish 9-7, I wouldn't bet against it)

(3) Dallas - I'm hesitant to do this, because we've seen over the past few years that the Cowboys do not hold up well when faced with high expectations (I firmly believe that they were successful last year in no small part because everyone had gotten fed up and written them off). But even with the questions about the reshuffled offensive line and whether or not Miles Austin was a one-year wonder or not, I'm having trouble making a case against them.

N.Y. Giants - I want to think they can bounce back, because they can't be any worse defensively than they were last year and the last time Tom Coughlin's back was against the wall like it is now, they won the Super Bowl. You have to wonder if they can pull that off again, though.

Washington - There's yet another new sheriff and quarterback in town, but Mike Shanahan and Donovan McNabb come in with better credentials than guys Dan Snyder's used to hiring. However, the ongoing Albert Haynesworth foolishness threatens to bring the whole thing crashing down.

Philadelphia - It's a bad sign when you're trading starting offensive linemen in and out eight days before the season starts, especially when said line is protecting a quarterback who's started all of two games. Add continuing uncertainty on defense and a brutally back-loaded schedule and it could be the longest 8-8 season ever.

NFC NORTH (A palace coup may be coming)

(2) Minnesota - I highly doubt Brett Favre will throw only seven interceptions again, especially with Sidney Rice out for half the season and Percy Harvin's head seemingly ready to explode at any time. I'm also less sure his body will be able to hold up. But Adrian Peterson should be motivated to prove he's over his late-season butterfingers and is still the best running back in the league, and the defense is still good enough to give them the edge.

(5) Green Bay - They're on the cusp and they know it. And especially with "ZOMG BRETT FAVRE PLAYS FOR OUR MOST HATED RIVAL" now out of the way, Aaron Rodgers can get on with the vital business of taking that final step to elite status, which means beating the Vikings. Also, their overall defense needs to improve.

Chicago - The desperate Bears made big splashes in free agency, but it turned out to be a pretty weak crop of free agents. Julius Peppers should give the defense a kick, but will new offensive coordinator Mike Martz's pass-happy offense play in Chicago? And will Jay Cutler and the offensive line let it?

Detroit - The road (back?) to respectability is long, but they've been steadily adding actual NFL players to a roster that hasn't seen many in recent years. Coach Jim Schwatrz and quarterback Matthew Stafford are still growing into their roles.

NFC SOUTH (Now it's time to break a streak)

(1) New Orleans - I'm struggling to remember a defending champ that's been as overlooked going into the following season as the Saints are. Offensively, they've lost little firepower, defensively, they've lost little aggressiveness, and I don't see this group resting on its laurels. There is that little thing about this division never having a repeat winner since its creation, but all streaks end. The only thing that can stop them is the Madden curse.

(6) Atlanta - Case in point. The Falcons have already defied convention by having back-to-back winning seasons for the first time ever. Now they want to get back to the playoffs. A lot of people have them winning the South, but even though they're better - especially in the secondary - they still aren't better than the Saints.

Carolina - There may be no bigger gap at any position on any team in the NFL than the one between Steve Smith and whoever the Panthers' No. 2 receiver actually is. They'll miss Peppers on defense more than they'll care to admit. If there's any chance for success here, they should lean on what's still a top-class running game and not try to let Matt Moore loose... look at how well that worked with Jake Delhomme.

Tampa Bay - Things are much calmer in Tampa than they were at this time last year when assistants were getting fired left and right, and that can only be a good thing for a young team that can't really have any expectations this season. The Buccaneers will still be bad, but it'll be a more hopeful bad than last year was, if that makes any sense.

NFC WEST (The Bay Area actually survives a seismic shift)

(4) San Francisco - Once again, the West is the 49ers' division to lose, but this edition won't remind anyone of the glory days at the Park Formerly Known As Candlestick. On the up side, Alex Smith isn't looking over his shoulder any more and the team seems to be buying what coach Mike Singletary's selling.

Seattle - Me, on the Raiders last year: "Hey, somebody's got to finish second. Of course, 'second' could be 6-10." I worry that "Pete Carroll, head coach" is the NFL's equivalent of "Javier Vazquez, starting pitcher for the New York Yankees." Also, does Deion Branch have Paul Allen on video with goats or breaking into Apple headquarters or something?

Arizona - The Cardinals are replacing retired quarterback Kurt Warner with Derek Anderson, who - and I cannot stress this enough - the Cleveland Browns couldn't get rid of fast enough. The Super Bowl losers' curse appears to have come one year late.

St. Louis - Starting over is hard. Especially when you're starting almost from scratch. Steven Jackson is a welcome sight in the backfield for rookie quarterback Sam Bradford, not to mention the Rams' only hope of not being a complete embarrassment.

AFC EAST (The mood is about to change)

(3) New England - The Patriots hear all the talk coming out of New York and are still licking their own wounds from the playoff spanking the Ravens gave them. Even though I think Bill Belichick slipped a bit last season and their running game leaves a lot to be desired, the Patriots still won the division and shouldn't have any trouble finding motivation. Finding a pass rush? That's another story.

(6) N.Y. Jets - Anybody else feel like they're setting themselves up for a fall here? We saw this before when they made the playoffs in Eric Mangini's first season before tumbling to Earth, and it wasn't as loud back then as it has been with Rex Ryan in charge. Now that the ferry to Revis Island is back in service, the big question here is Mark Sanchez, who didn't have a good preseason by any measure.

Miami - This was a tough call, leaving them out of the playoffs. Chad Henne showed flashes when he was pressed into action (and he probably would have been the starter this season anyway) and Brandon Marshall was a good pickup, but I look at the Dolphins and I feel like there's still something missing. I can't put my finger on it. Still, they'll be in the mix, and expect the AFC wild card race to be every bit the battle royale it was last year.

Buffalo - There's so little to like here that I'm not even sure what to say anymore. I mean, you can count the number of things the Bills have done right in the past decade on one hand. The Chan Gailey hiring inspires little confidence, as does Trent Edwards at quarterback. They won six games last year mostly because of their defense, and their defensive coordinator... now works for the Giants, who know firsthand how much difference a good coordinator makes.

AFC NORTH (Someone left the windows open)

(1) Baltimore - I'm not sure I get the late addition of T.J. Houshwhateverhisnameis but he's yet another guy who should help Joe Flacco not lose his cool in big spots. The Ravens expect to find themselves in a lot of big spots, so that'll be crucial. A concern? The back of their defense, which is being held together with duct tape and cheap rope at the moment.

(5) Cincinnati - Of the rest of the contenders, the Bengals probably have the most balance between run and pass and offense and defense. But all eyes will be focused on the T.O. and Chad Show, and I'm a bit skeptical how much those two no-longer elite receivers really have left.

Pittsburgh - Little Ben finally crossed the line and now Big Ben must pay for his sins. But the Steelers may still have a run in them if they can survive September without him and if their defense doesn't age 10 years overnight. They also need to work on their special teams coverage units, which were laughably bad last season.

Cleveland - The Browns did well to win their final four games last season - and likely saved Eric Mangini's job - in spite of the utter lack of talent on the roster. It isn't much better this season, though Joshua Cribbs did get paid.

AFC SOUTH (There's a mountain you've got to climb)

(2) Indianapolis - The Colts are secretly extremely thankful that Reggie Wayne didn't win the voting for the cover of Madden 11 because I shudder to think what would have happened to him. We've seen things happen to teams thought "too good" to fall victim to the Super Bowl losers' curse, but short of what happened to Tom Brady two years ago happening to Peyton Manning, I can't make that call here.

Tennessee - Chris Johnson set an almost impossibly high bar last season, and he didn't even really start lifting it until Vince Young took over at quarterback and the Titans committed to running the ball. More will be asked of Young this year with defenses focusing on Johnson, and his success will determine what happens to the Titans.

Houston - As if their past inability to beat the Colts wasn't enough, the Texans - who have been the "team of the future" for about five years running - now face issues with their running game and secondary.

Jacksonville - The struggle here remains getting people to care. Coach Jack Del Rio almost fled for USC before deciding to stay, which may not have been a wise move considering he's got to get the Jaguars back on the winning track, if for no other reason than to put people in the seats. I can only assume Maurice Jones-Drew drafted himself No. 1 overall in fantasy.

AFC WEST (Let's not get ahead of ourselves)

(4) San Diego - It's been an offseason of great turmoil in Chargerland as some guys have left and others don't want to come back until they get a lot more money than they're getting right now. But even without Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeil, there's too much talent here to say the Chargers aren't going to win the division. By the way, Philip Rivers is very good.

Oakland - Jason Campbell is an upgrade over JaMarcus Russell. Unfortunately for the Raiders, some of the people reading this would also be an upgrade over JaMarcus Russell. Throw in a running game full of question marks, an underachieving and underdeveloped receiving corps, a good tight end, and a coach in way over his head and Campbell could be wondering if he actually left the Redskins.

Denver - The only constant these days is change. Josh McDaniels has hitched his wagon to the Tim Tebow star, but the wheels probably won't start turning for a couple years until he's ready to play. In the meantime, the most nondescript Broncos team in recent memory will try to keep their now-annual late-season collapse from being too damaging while the rest of the league tries to figure out what, exactly, the grand plan is here.

Kansas City - Let's stop with the idea some pundits have that the Chiefs can make a run at a wild-card spot. Seriously. Just stop. Now that that's out of the way, there is some reason for optimism - people are calling Eric Berry the next Ed Reed, the Jamaal Charles/Thomas Jones running back platoon should be fun, and the reunion of Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel on Todd Haley's staff makes for an intriguing second chance for two guys with something to prove.

WILD CARD
Atlanta over Dallas; Green Bay over San Francisco
Cincinnati over San Diego; New England over N.Y. Jets

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
New Orleans over Atlanta; Green Bay over Minnesota
Baltimore over Cincinnati; Indianapolis over New England

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS
Baltimore over Indianapolis
New Orleans over Green Bay

SUPER BOWL WHATEVER
New Orleans over Baltimore

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: The Wild Card Grind

This may not be a catch. Hang on. Nope. And the Bengals score two plays later anyway. Cotchery returns punts? Did I not know that? I guess it makes sense with Leon Washington out with a broken freaking leg. Yeah, I didn't think Shonn Greene was that fast either. The Bengals are stuttering in fits and starts. Sanchez really hasn't taken any chances yet. Until THAT. Jay Feely having to punt because the punter's sick is throwing me off. Was that a quick kick? Benson's the only Bengals offensive player to show up today really. GAH. Come on, Shayne Graham. Thirty-five yards? Hey, Braylon with a catch. That touchdown just might seal this the way the Bengals have been going offensively – they're not really built to play from behind anyway and the Jets have bottled up their passing game. I stand corrected? Benson is carrying this team. And now the Jets come right back and start chewing up clock. Really, Marvin? A field goal from the 11 down by 10 points? Graham missed again? What's going on here? That guy's good. Huh. Rex was right. How about that. (Jets 24, Bengals 14)

Uh-oh... the Cowboys are opening up big running lanes just like last week. Not a good sign. That's a key sack. The timeout on the punt is barely worthy of mention. John Phillips? Who is John Phillips? I don't know what the future holds for Michael Vick football-wise but I'll say this: He's still got a big-time arm. He gunned that pass to Maclin. The Cowboys are running through the Eagles like Snapple. Conversely, it'd be nice if the Eagles called more than one running play on every drive. This is what got them into trouble last week. Can we get a stop one time? I think McNabb overthrew Jackson on that same pattern last week too. Seriously, ONE TIME. The Cowboys have scored on five straight possessions. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And there's another one. This was an average defense that suddenly went bad in the last month. I feel like no progress was made on this drive even though they got from inside their own 20 to midfield. They're not going to catch Felix Jones. The only two guys who might are on the Eagles sideline and in Tennessee. This game is taking forever and it's not just because the Eagles are getting beat down. Me, just before the end of the third quarter, which was just before 11: “Are we gonna get this?” Well that was too little, too late. At least we know it still works. Okay, the Cowboys calling nothing but runs now will speed up the agony. Eight minutes? I fear for the future if the Cowboys have finally figured it out. (Cowboys 34, Eagles 14)

RAY RICE IS THE GREATEST SCARLET KNIGHT OF ALL TIME. I realize it's not that long a list but beggars can't be choosers. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Another one? Wow, who'd have thought Tom Brady would have the worst performance of any quarterback in the wild-card round? There are people still sitting down (long lines at the hot lobster roll stands, to be sure) and it's 14-0. Who is Sam Aiken and why is he playing a semi-prominent role? I feel like that's part of the problem. Now we've got some foolishness on this punt. Wow, the Ravens could've won a challenge there. A touchdown here is either great or backbreaking, depending on your perspective. And there it is. Jebus. Twenty-four? Did I wake up in an alternate universe or something? Seriously, this doesn't happen to the Patriots. Has Flacco thrown a pass yet? Oh, OK, it's just no wide receiver has caught one yet. That's fine. Hey, the Pats scored. Hey, a Randy Moss sighting. That's a risky play by Flacco stretching the ball out like that with a defender closing in. I don't know if they'll get this or not. WOW. That's as close as it gets, friends. Four rushing touchdowns? And here I thought the Ravens' offense would be the only one in the playoffs the Patriots could stop. Not only has that not been the case, but Baltimore hasn't had to go through the air. They're kicking a field goal? Really, Belichick? Down 19 points with seven minutes left? Way to wave the white flag. And then he misses to boot. Is that a playoff beard Ed Reed's sporting? That's the long version. The short version would have been to copy the Cowboys-Eagles recap and just replace all the names where appropriate, because the only difference between the Eagles and Pats right now is nobody's talking about getting rid of Tom Brady. (Ravens 33, Patriots 14)

BARCAAAAAAAAA. (Tenerife 0, Barcelona 5)

No Boldin? That's big. Turnover on the first play? That's bigger. Dockett and Watson in the backfield on the touchdown? That's massive. Didn't we JUST see this? Maybe 'no Boldin' isn't that big after all. This is not a team you want to get in a big hole against when it's firing on all cylinders and you can't get out of your own way. Well, the Packers finally get a break with Fitz's fumble; let's see what happens. That is a much-needed touchdown. But the Packers didn't need to give up one immediately afterward. So, wait now – if the horse-collar call on Dockett stopped the clock, why couldn't the Packers run another play there? Strange. Has every big Cardinals pass play been in the middle of the field or does it just seem like it? Onside kick! PLAYOFFS. Thing is, now they have to go for it on fourth down here to pay off the onside kick. Got it! We've got a game now that the Cardinals' defense also appears to have left the premises. A stop! We've had a stop! Alert the media. There's another touchdown down the middle of the field for the Cardinals. Michael Adams is getting used and abused. Good Lord the Packers tied it up again. There's too much time left. The way this game's been going, 15 seconds would be too much time left. He MISSED?!?! How do you miss from 34 yards? That wasn't even close. We have seen some good kickers perpetrate some felonious acts this weekend. I mean, Rackers and Shayne Graham aren't Doug Brien and Kris Brown. Coin toss goes to the Packers, so this should be over soon. Ohhh... Rogers missed Jennings long for the game-winner there. Fumble! Are we sure? Wait, did... it kicked off of Rodgers' foot! It never hit the ground! Unbelievable.

So what about the face mask? Courtesy of Mike and Mike: Peter King tweeted that the official watching that play is tasked to watch the ball and only the ball if it comes loose, so he's not paying attention to see if there's any contact like that. But here's what I'm wondering: Could they have called anything because Adams knocked the ball out first? Like how a kicker's fair game if a rusher gets a piece of the ball first? Would the same thing apply here? Or would it just be an incidental face mask (which doesn't exist anymore)? Back to the game. How about this: Warner had more touchdown passes (5) than incompletions (4). Warner had as many incompletions as Flacco had completions. That's just sick. And he's gonna retire? Really? (Cardinals 51, Packers 45, OT)