Showing posts with label Super Bowl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Super Bowl. Show all posts

Thursday, September 5, 2019

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Some 600 Reasons

There's a weird non-buzz around this one. There's a LOT of Patriots fatigue (this is Belichick and Brady's ninth Super Bowl together) as well as a feeling that the Rams shouldn't be here because of the refs' fuckup two weeks ago.

Are they re-presenting the Man of the Year award? Chris Long already got it last night. Why are we also doing "America the Beautiful"?






KIMMY NO.







There's NO WAY Gladys Knight comes in under 1:47 for the anthem. Are there any original Pips left? Are the Pips even still a thing? Oh yeah. Not even close. I'm calling it 2:04. And now the roof hole will close again. Dr. King's daughter Bernice, Rep. John Lewis, and Andrew Young are our honorary captains, which is hilarious considering Colin Kaepernick's being blackballed. Pats call heads. It's TAILS. Rams defer to the second half. Let's do this. That's a good return. Michel gets a first down immediately. Interception? Interception! See what happens when you play the ball, Nickell?




That ultimately didn't go anywhere but it kept the Patriots off the board. Edelman picks up a 3rd and 9. I didn't see an illegal helmet hit anywhere. Neither does Romo. Burkhead catches a pass on 3rd and 9 for 11 yards. Gronk left open in the middle of the field for some reason. The Pats have never scored a first-quarter touchdown in the Super Bowl? That doesn't make sense.

What the hell, Olay.

Fowler stuffs a run (?) on 3rd and 8. Gostkowski from 46. Hooking left... NO GOOD!

I'm not sure a Kraken was necessary for this Bud Light ad, either.

We come back to a Boston vs. L.A. montage. Goff completes it to Reynolds and gets into Patriots territory. He them misses badly on a first down throw. Delay of game on a 4th and 3 punt. Nice work. And why are you punting there in the first place?




The Rams can't do anything with Edelman at the outset. Peters almost gets a pick. I'm not sure what Brady saw there. Seriously, they might want to double Edelman or something. Sack! Patriots recover the fumble but that's more damage than Brady took two weeks ago against the Chiefs. Gronk gets most of it back, leaving a 3rd and 5. Brady under pressure again and throws incomplete. Scoreless after 1.







Oh, it's Carell. OK. THANK YOU GAME OF THRONES.

Gostkowski BARELY gets that one through. We have points!




Goff saw what Van Noy did to Mahomes — twice — in the AFC title game and decided he wanted no part of that. What's particularly damning so far is that the Rams have had better starting field position throughout this game and managed to do nothing with it. Things aren't going that much better for the Patriots, either, as both teams continue trading punts. Patterson does NOT get this first down. Rams call time out. Patriots go for it. NOPE. Maybe next time.




Rams have done nothing on offense. Halftime. 3-0 Patriots.




Time for HALFTIME HEAT. Featuring five well-known indy stars and a 23-year-old wild man. Oh, also Maroon 5's playing.




Bravo, NFL 100. BRAVO.

"Aleister Black" is such a better name than "Tommy End." For as much grief as WWE gets for renaming indy guys, they needed to change that one and they hit gold. Also, if he's 215, so is C.J. Anderson. It's also weird that the heels work under their indy names. HBK on color? Did Dream pick his title shot already?

NOT opening with "Moves Like Jagger" is an amateur move. Spongebob? I'm not that familiar with Travis Scott. Does he do this all the time? Adam trying to dance like him is hilarious. The Halftime Heat crowd is somehow louder. This is not the time to go low-key, dudes.




(I didn't want to say anything.)

Bring Spongebob back! Big Boi here to save us, hopefully. He's doing "The Way You Move", which will help. They put Adam in at ATLiens jacket. That's hilarious. This match is a straight-up spotfest that somehow has to go 20 minutes. How the hell was that not a segue into "Moves Like Jagger"? That's just logical!




Ricochet just kicked out of Cole's top-rope Canadian Destroyer (Panama City Sunrise). HERE'S M-L-J, FINALLY. Seriously, who books this stuff? Dream pins Cole!







Dietz Nuts.




Seconded. Gurley lives! This dude can catch the ball; try using him in the passing game to get him going. Chung down? They're putting an air cast on his arm, Nantz says. He walks off, but I can't imagine he'll be back. Goff misses badly high on 3rd down — he's 0-for-6 on third down now. Edelman AGAIN. The Rams have no one who can slow him down, which seems wild.




Punt is downed at the Rams' 2.

Why is a robot from "Replicas" in a Michelob Ultra spot?




Goff almost gets blasted in the end zone but gets the ball away just in time. It's incomplete, of course. Romo: "This is hard to watch." That's the longest punt in Super Bowl history and the announcers are PUMPED.







Is a wide receiver going to win the MVP in a 3-0 game? Peters with good defense on Chris Hogan on 3rd and 5. Finally a Brian Flores mention — the Patriots' linebackers coach is taking over the Dolphins tomorrow. They calling this a catch? Yes! Woods gets the Rams inside the Pats' 30. Rams call time out, as they are unused to being this far down the field. Jason McCourty swoops in at the last second to deny Cooks a touchdown.







Goff gets sacked by Van Noy and Hightower, making this a much longer field goal attempt if they choose. Legatron from 53. GOOD. Tied at 3. Romo: "They got points!"




Wasn't "Hanna" a movie? Am I remembering right? (It was. One of Saiorse Ronan's first lead roles, in fact.)

Rams can't afford to give first downs away on penalties. Michel with a 19-yard run. End of 3.

INSPIRA HEALTH CARE ROBOTS HAVE TAKEN OVER SOUTH JERSEY. Patton was right!

We've never had a Super Bowl without a touchdown through the first three quarters. Good work by Anderson getting nine yards after that catch. Anderson fumbles but it goes out of bounds. Gilmore punched it out and the Rams got real lucky there.

Hooray, Microsoft.

Gurley! Finally! 13 yards for a first down. And of course, it gets called back for holding, because we can't have nice things in 2019. Goff takes a hit on the sideline but I think it's inbounds and legal. Then he overthrows Cooks. Why run on 3rd and 22?

Clydesdales in their natural habitat — a wheat field. Andy Warhol? Really?

Every Super Bowl the Pats have been in has been a one-score game. There's 9:49 left in this one. Brady hits Gronk down the sideline. Gronk to the 2!! WELCOME TO A RED ZONE. Touchdown Michel and this game's over. Win or lose, McVay's been completely outclassed tonight.




Harrison Ford and Abbi and Ilana in the same commercial. That's a thing that happened. Rams finally starting to put something together. I don't think the fact that Cooks was in this game last year for the Patriots (until Malcolm Jenkins took him out) has been brought up yet. Patriots blitz Goff, who throws up a floater that gets picked by Gilmore. That's game. Remember when this happened?




In retrospect, we should have known this was possible after the divisional playoff against the Cowboys, which got overlooked because they won. I don't count the Saints game because that was its own beast of incompetence. But yeah... this is exactly the opposite of what Pederson did last year. You cannot coach scared against these guys.

We doing ASMR now, Michelob?

Big Michel run gets the Patriots out of their own end. Is he gonna backdoor his way into the MVP award? And when did the Rams run out of time outs? Romo thinks the Rams should decline this penalty to make it second down. They do not do this, not that it matters. Two minutes left.




Michel spins but doesn't quite get the first down. Why is this taking so long? Is Belichick just trolling everyone now? They finally bring the field goal team out. A miss here would be HILARIOUS. It's good. Is it a sad field goal if it's the second one? Doesn't matter, he missed anyway. What a trash fire this was.










Brady hugs Cooks before interviewing with Tracy Wolfson, which reminds me that Cooks is two-thirds of the way to becoming Marian Hossa. It's a damn rugby scrum out there. Somebody go help Tracy, God.




Ridley Scott's doing Turkish Airlines ads? Wilfork's slimmed down. Falcons fans can't be happy about this. Goodell getting booed back to Savannah. Edelman MVP. Should a wide receiver really have a playoff beard?

I'm genuinely sick of these people. And my team actually BEAT them! (Patriots 13, Rams 3)
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Thursday, January 29, 2015

Small Talk

There are certain beliefs about modern sports media that I try not to trade in. Bias for or against certain teams/athletes, for one. I've come to realize that about 98 percent of those complaints are just fans being myopic, like fans tend to do. There's also the idea that media always creates stories and/or demand for stories, which I've always believed is overblown, even if it does look like it happens on occasion. As inane as the Patriots' ball scandal is (I refuse to call it "Deflategate" because Watergate wasn't about water), I think people are genuinely interested in what happened and how it's going to play out.

But when it comes to Marshawn Lynch, I'm making an exception.

To recap (on the off chance that you haven't heard enough about this already): Lynch has been... reluctant... to talk to reporters after games. He's been at it for at least the last two years now, and he was fined $100,000 after not speaking to reporters after the Seahawks-Chiefs game in November. Yet he hasn't changed his stance. He doesn't like doing postgame interviews because he finds them boring and doesn't really like talking about himself.

At this point, these guys (and they're almost always exclusively national guys) have to know, right? The man said at Super Bowl Media Day that he was going to give the same answer to every question. He even told the reporters what the answer was going to be! And he did the same thing again yesterday! Yet they keep going back to him, somehow thinking, "Today's gonna be the day! I can FEEL it!" knowing full well that today will not, in fact, be that day. They have no one to blame but themselves.

Look, I'm not saying that Lynch is some kind of hero for standing up to the big, bad media conglomerate by shutting up and not giving them what they want. And I'm well aware that by not addressing the media, he's breaking a clause in the NFL contract and is subject to a fine. I know it's against the rules. But it's a bad rule that has absolutely no effect on anything that's actually important. (The NCAA has a million rules like this, by the way.)

This story only exists because the media has made itself the story. They're looking for something to be mad at, and whenever Lynch "hurts their feelings" by not playing along, he becomes an easy target for self-righteous hot takes and self-promoting phony outrage born out of a misplaced sense of entitlement. It's lazy, egotistical, self-serving, and assumes the worst about everything... in other words, everything that's wrong with modern American media.



This is the same media, by the way, which doesn't seem at all interested in asking why Lynch's $100,000 fine for not talking to them earlier in the season is higher than every other fine the NFL levied this year that wasn't because of a suspension. Chase Coffman hit a Ravens assistant coach on the sideline and was fined $30,000. Ryan Clark hit a defenseless receiver -- which he's made a career out of -- and was fined $22,050. Muhammad Wilkerson gets into a fight against the Packers and was fined $20,000. Chris Baker blindsided Nick Foles and it didn't cost him a dime. (Source for fine amounts: Spotrac.com) The only injuries Lynch inflicted were some bruises to the inflated egos of some media members and he got fined more than all four of those clowns combined. Strange that the media doesn't see the problem with that.

(This is also the same media who's given Bill Belichick a pass on this exact behavior for 15 years. I wonder why that is.)

I think there's something else going on here, too. A lot of the whiners are from the old-school, traditional mold, from an era where sports writers actually had the ability to make or break a player's reputation and public perception because it was the only way to do it. With the decline of real reporting and the willingness to actually challenge the establishment in favor of hot-take columns and "Talk about..." questions, as well as athletes' newfound ability to not only find their own voice, but use it on their own terms, that's not the way it works anymore. And a lot of these guys who are complaining about Lynch not wanting to talk to them either haven't realized that or don't want to admit that they're not as powerful as they used to be -- which is still far less powerful than they believed they were in their own minds.


Newsflash, guys: You need Marshawn Lynch a lot more than he needs you.

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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Throwback Throwdown

Wait, "Bittersweet Symphony"? These pre-game musical selections already have my head spinning.


Please, please take the over on the length of the National Anthem. That was fun. Note: That "Coin Toss" graphic is not actually ON the field.


No one knows how to take a knee on a kickoff return anymore. What caused THAT? Moreno just fell on it.







Harvin! Oh, he stepped on the sideline and he knows it. Fun fact: The tight end Wilson just overthrew — Zach Miller — is the highest-paid Seahawk. This replay angle looks like Wilson got there.


Wait, is that the Ian Rappaport from the NFL Network? God, I hope not.


Wait, that was a car commercial? I was expecting a movie. And since when does Maserati even advertise? That's why I hate challenging spots. Then there's a false start. That Silverado commercial had both way too much subtext and way too much actual text. Chancellor made that hit look effortless. It's weird seeing Aaron Paul with a full head of hair. The Seahawks keep converting these third downs. CHICANERY! Doesn't rule in that case. That's not grounding?


I mean, that's intentional grounding if it's anything. It's certainly not a fumble.


Avril was right in Peyton's face there. That's the difference... PRESSURE. The Patriots never laid a finger on Peyton and you'll remember he had one of the best games ever against them.






Yeah, that's pass interference. Touchdown Lynch. Why is Chancellor on the kickoff team? Seems strange.




The Broncos are throwing a lot of short passes. I mean, very short. They're not running the ball at all, either. There's a deep pass. Another interception! There's Avril again; that time he got Peyton on the arm and knocked that pass into orbit. Remember Malcolm Smith? The guy who made the game-sealing interception two weeks ago? He's making sure you know who he is now.




A fumble on the kickoff? Oh no. Oh, they're overturning it? Yeah, he's down. That could have ended the game right there.




I mean, I understand why they're doing it now, but how many times have the Broncos run the ball so far? Three? Four?



Can you try a field goal here? I don't know. I might consider it but whatever.




Meanwhile, Toyota's got Jan breaking the fourth wall.

Wait, is Bruno doing his own drumming? That's pretty good. I only know the one song of his that everybody loves, so I'm interested to see how this turns out. And of course he leads with it.

The band really does add a lot to the act. The sound in here isn't the greatest — I didn't realize he was doing "Shout" until he started bringing it back up. That's a fantastic transition even though it was telegraphed. Who's the Peppers' guitarist these days?

LEON SANDCASTLE PART 2.

A pooch kick? CHRIST ON WHEELS. Guys, the Seahawks played in the last lousy Super Bowl we had, and this one just ended.


How many sideline reporters does FOX have for this game? What was that? God bless you, Sarah McLachlan. Demariyus may have gotten away with OPI there. This punt is a white flag.

Lynch almost broke that, not that it matters. The one thing the Broncos can say is that they've largely kept Lynch in check. The rest of it, though. I mean... at least by punting they flipped the field? I don't know. I'm grasping at straws here. Clean strip by Maxwell and Malcolm Smith is trying to win the MVP award.








Kearse just ran through four guys to score and the Broncos look like they've quit. Bob Dylan? Really?

Why is Troy referencing a preseason game? It's so bad I'm not even noticing the Broncos are driving again. Also because they've all ended badly. Except for this one. Nice catch. So both teams have hit 8 points in this game.

Apparently Chris Pine is too big for these Star Trek xFinity ads. I keep forgetting Lynch actually has a backup. This probably won't count. There's another third down conversion. And Baldwin joins the scoring party. That Radio Shack 80's ad turned out to be the most appropriate Super Bowl ad ever because this game is straight out of the 80's, right through the Broncos being on the business end of the ass-kicking. Avril almost picked that off. Thomas hit Sherman in the back. Wait, when did Thurmond go down? Did I miss a play?

Let's talk about this Seahawks team for a minute. It is PACKED FULL of guys nobody else wanted. Harvin and Lynch were first-round picked who were dumped by the teams that drafted them. A punter was drafted before Russell Wilson. They grabbed two guys — Sherman and Baldwin — that now-49ers coach Jim Harbaugh coached at Stanford. Their highest-paid player, again, is ZACH MILLER.

SodaStream seems below Scarlett Johansson. Maybe it's me. So those were spots for the new 24 miniseries. The last one looked like a Battlefield/COD commercial (which I still struggle to tell apart). Man, Eli looks sadder than Peyton does.


Tarvaris Jackson LIVES! I'm not sure I would have let him throw a pass, though. I don't know why Peyton's still out there. No one had this outcome. No one.





Marcus Allen? It's an AFC West BONANZA up in here! Al Davis is throwing up in his grave. Malcolm Smith's your MVP.

Howie Long makes a great point: The NFL now is SO offense-focused and offense-favored. For a defense to do this to an offense, especially THIS offense... holy crap. (Seahawks 43, Broncos 8)

FINAL RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Seattle (16-3) — Champions at last
2. San Francisco (14-5) — Oh, the agony
3. Denver (15-4) — Opening old wounds
4. Carolina (12-5) — Interesting times ahead

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (4-12) — Can they finally start getting better?
30. Cleveland (4-12) — Just a complete mess of an organization
31. Houston (2-14) — New beginnings abound
32. Washington (3-13) — Could use some inspiration
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Thursday, August 11, 2011

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: The Cliffhanger

The post right underneath this one says that the rest of last year's postseason will be posted when the lockout ends. Well, the lockout's over. And since I am a man of my word, here it is.

(My file for the conference title games got corrupted and I both can't and don't really want to reconstruct the whole thing almost from scratch. All you need to know is that Todd Collins took meaningful snaps in a conference championship game in 2011 and that Mark Brunell almost did. And I don't think I need to tell you who they played for and what happened to them.)

Onward.

Last time, in the National... Football League:

And it's time for the Reading of the Historical Document. I didn't get this last time, either.

Big D, Big D, big city, big dreams...

No shot we kick off at 6:29. None WHATSOEVER. Christina might still be singing at 6:29.

Did she just repeat the 'twilight's last gleaming' line?

I'm just going to assume we're getting a Fast 5 trailer at some point tonight.

Nice tie, Deion.

No full-body motion chyrons this year? I'm disappointed.

A muffed punt! We got us a situation here. Whose ball is it? Somebody fall on it! Packers hang on to it.

That pass needs to be caught, Jordy.

Not sure I would have thrown it there (and Mendenhall was apparently open)

Nice work by Rodgers to avoid the rush and find Jackson.

GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Nelson catches basically the same pass he dropped on the first drive.

Bryant McFadden's hurt for the Steelers. That could be bad.

And that could be worse. And it is. Touchdown Nick Collins.

Yep. Ben was hit as he threw it and it hung up there. Collins just had to find it and make sure he caught it.

Now Flozell is down for Pittsburgh? They're out of offensive linemen, aren't they? Seriously, wasn't Nagursky the last guy they had left?

Good omen for GB: No team has ever lost a Super Bowl in which they've returned an interception for a touchdown.

Field goal Steelers. They needed something.

Jarret Bush? Really? Why is Jarret Bush playing in the Super Bowl?

And Rodgers comes back with a laser. If Ryan Clark's a second later, he either knocks that ball down or collides with Polamalu.

Now Woodson's out? That makes what, half the Packers' remaining roster?

Nice misdirection by Ward in the end zone to turn that defender around. Steelers got the touchdown they needed.

I gotta tell you, this is the first Domino's pizza I've had in years, and it's the best Domino's I've ever had by an almost immeasurable margin.

Countdown Live: "Is Fergie wearing shoulder pads? She should stay on the field after halftime. Pack might need her in the defensive backfield."

Ah, there's Usher. I'd heard rumors.

Woodson OUT. That's BAD news for the Pack.

This start isn't much better. Two straight penalties?

Hey, the Steelers ran to the left for once.

Touchdown. We got us a game.

Time out? What?

Why am I seeing a guy named Zombo so much? He just got a big sack, though.

Ladies and gentlemen... Shaun Suisham. Though it's not like the Steelers had much choice — it's 4th and 15. You're not going for it in that spot.

Another time out? Is Mike Martz coaching the Steelers?

Brett Swain? Who is Brett Swain? Is he the Packers' Blair White? Oh, he's replacing Donald Driver, who will also not be returning to this game.

So the Packers are challenging this... why? Wouldn't it be Steelers' ball if it's a catch and fumble? Because that's what it would end up being, wouldn't it?

Fumble! If the Packers turn this into points that might be it. And you can't even really blame that one on Mendenhall — he had it secure and just got crumpled by Matthews and Pickett.

Packers receivers continuing to do their best Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl impression.

Is this a career game for Jordy Nelson? And who thought Jordy Nelson would have a career game in the Super Bowl?

Touchdown Jennings. And I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage.

Steelers are working the screens on this drive.

And all to set up for THAT. I'M MIKE WALLACE.

Hey, let's go for two. They can do pretty much anything with Randle El out there. That'll work.

Again, I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage. There's no way he's 100 percent, right?

Ohhh, THAT was close. Now the Packers have to kick the FG...

Hottest shoe commercial ever?

Ben hasn't played well tonight but he can erase it all here, and there's certainly precedent for it. (Also, the Steelers could use those two time outs back.)

Bad throw... through Wallace's hands. No contact. Game, set, match.

Brett who? Also, 49ers fans everywhere are sobbing.

"Cheese Stands Alone?" Really, ESPN.com? Really?

(Packers 31, Steelers 25)

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Friday, February 12, 2010

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: I'm On A Float

This is the first Super Bowl in a long time where I'll be OK with whoever wins. Josh: "Carrie Underwood just arrived off the set of Xanadu." Also, big ups to the folks at Sun Life, whose campaign clearly worked.

We are having some severe technical difficulties here at the office. Not sure how much attention I'll be paying here. The NFC has won the last 13 coin tosses? That's nuts. WE HAVE A DWIGHT FREENEY SIGHTING. Let's see how long this lasts. Has Peyton missed yet? Okay, there's one and that one was knocked away. Hey, a running play. Stover. Good. FUMB- Oh. And yeah, it wouldn't have stood up anyway.

Am I supposed to know who that was in the Motorola ad? I think I am, but I don't.

So the Saints punt and pin the Colts at their own 4, then the Colts proceed to snap off a 96-yard touchdown drive. That's got to be demoralizing. Especially the way the Colts got the touchdown with Garcon running in a straight line and the defense getting crossed up. The Saints have come back with a good drive here, but they need to score. Freeney with the key sack. Still, three's better than nothing.

An entire commercial in auto-tune? Shoot me.

You know what's been missing from this game so far? Deep passes. Seems like all the throws have been short ones. And the few times either team's tried to go deep, it hasn't been there, like when Brees missed Shockey just then. Another time-consuming drive by the Saints, keeping the Colts' offense off the field (even though it didn't work when the Dolphins tried it in Week 2.) Very important series here. That false start won't help. Fourth and GAHHH. That's a potential game-deciding play right there. Brackett and company just blew that one up. On the flip side, they've got the Colts stuck at their own 1. On the flip side of that, the Colts did just snap off a 96-yard touchdown drive and are certainly capable of doing it again in far less time. Except that they won't. Why are they measuring this? He didn't make it. The Saints getting the ball back and scoring before halftime is potentially big - that'll be worth watching as the second half starts.

THE NAME OF THE GROUP ON STAGE. Speaking of that stage, it's making me dizzy. This isn't the smoothest-transitioning medley I've ever heard. Daltrey's voice isn't what it used to be, and I think I remember reading something not too long ago where he himself said that he thought his singing voice was only going to last a couple more years. This was... eh. They're running out of "iconic" rock acts to do this with, aren't they? Makes me think Matt's suggestion of going completely retro and bringing back marching bands to perform at halftime might be the way to go.

An onside kick?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. There are some truly unspeakable things going on at the bottom of that pile. Things I can't talk about in mixed company, and frankly, things I'm not entirely comfortable discussing with myself. Make a call. MAKE A CALL. Saints ball! Wow. I mean it took them about three minutes to decide. But now they have to pay it off or it's all for naught. I like going to the air here - keeps the Colts even more off-balance than they probably already are. Also, Peyton's still on the sideline. Touchdown! That's the same screen they scored on on their first drive against the Vikings. Ladies and gentlemen, the New Orleans Saints are ahead in the Super Bowl.

That was relatively short-lived. Who says the Colts can't run the ball? Also Dallas Clark wins almost any matchup he's in so the Colts were wise to go back to him also. Is this when the offensive floodgates open? I mean, there are a lot of passes being thrown now, which I'm sure is what we all expected from the start. Another field goal? Hmmm. Not sure about that, but you have to think Hartley's confidence is sky-high after hitting the game-winner in the NFC title game. Plus, the Saints know they have to keep this game as close as they can.

Take a knee. TAKE. A. KNEE. Oh, dear. The 11-yard line? That's just bad. Haven't heard Reggie Wayne's name much tonight. And as soon as I think that, he then catches two straight balls, including that one on 4th and two that he almost dropped. That's a big miss and not really in Stover's range at his age but I'm not sure what else you do there. However, as Simmons pointed out, that kick should have been nine yards shorter.

Man, Brees cannot miss. Jeremy Shockey lives! They're going for two here, right? Wait, so what are they looking at? Oh, I see - when he rolls over the second time, he stretches the ball over the plane before he loses it. This should count. Aaaaand it does.

Just under six minutes. Plenty of time. I'm not sure if it's the Colts who have Wayne locked up on Porter or the Saints who have Porter locked up on Wayne but that well's been running pretty dry tonight. Really, Phil Simms? Why wouldn't you blitz here? The Colts have thrown about two deep balls all game (which I think has been a game planning mistake - test these guys deep down the sidelines. Make them cover you down the field.) HOLY CRAP. Did that actually happen? That's really fantastic coverage and Porter jumped all over it. Here's why I love Phil Simms: "What was I saying? Don't blitz? Well, they sent everybody."

Still, this isn't over by any means. But it will be if the Colts don't at least try a deep ball. There's one! I mean, seriously. They don't need a lot of time to score - we've established this - but they have to use that time better. Well that was kind of dumb. Offensive pass interference? What a time for that. Peyton didn't want to call that time out but it's probably a good thing that he did. Well, this is it. It sure is. OMG right through Wayne's hands. This was, like, the shortest Super Bowl ever. You know what else? The better team won. And make no mistake - the Saints won this game. I had the Saints ranked ahead of the Colts for almost the entire season (granted, it was a 1 vs. 1a deal in the middle of the season) up until they lost. Laissez le bon temps roulez or some such. Butch: "I remember as a kid growing up the Super Bowl was boring. The good ol' days are RIGHT NOW." (Saints 31, Colts 17)

So now that that's over with, let's do something I've never done before and go back and look at some of my preseason predictions:

"SUPER BOWL XLIV: New England over New Orleans (This looks familiar... yeah... these are the teams I picked for the Super Bowl last year, with the same result.)"

Yeah, I had the Saints in the Super Bowl, but losing to the Pats, who I expected to go on a swath after winning 11 games with an untested backup QB and still missing the playoffs the year before. Instead, they traded Richard Seymour, their best defensive player, three weeks before the regular season and failed to replace his production, creating a defense that couldn't stop anyone down the stretch.

"NFC EAST

(1) Philadelphia – Even though I'm terrified by all the turnover and problems on defense, I think I ultimately went this way because Donovan McNabb's a better quarterback than Eli Manning and this looks like a team that can score enough points to overcome its defensive issues, which may well sort themselves out."

I was right about the Birds' explosive offense. I was also right to be concerned about the defense, which got cut up by injuries and defections. They didn't win the division, either. Stupid Raiders.

"(5) N.Y. Giants – The G-Men might actually have the best defense in the league, or at least have the personnel and potential for it. But we saw how one-dimensional their offense became last year when Plaxico shot himself in the foot, and the always-reliable Amani Toomer isn't around anymore either. They're a playoff team, but the young receivers need to develop if they want to think Super Bowl."

Oh boy. The Giants' D completely fell apart under new coordinator Bill Sheridan, giving up 85 points to the Eagles in two games alone. Injuries on the back end didn't help, but a lot of the defensive players regressed badly from last season. A couple of the young receivers did develop: Steve Smith 2.0 became a star and Mario Manningham showed potential as a deep threat.

"Dallas – The Cowboys still have plenty of talent on paper, but they seem to lack heart and discipline and are running out of scapegoats. This could go well, or this could become a disaster, especially with their December schedule; they could lose their last five games (at Giants, San Diego, at New Orleans, at Washington, Philadelphia.)"

As lowly-regarded as Wade Phillips is as a head coach (and still rightly so in many respects), the man's always known defense, and it was the defense that carried the Cowboys to actual wins in December and in the playoffs, even.

"NFC SOUTH

(2) New Orleans – New defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has a reputation for reviving defenses. The offense needs no reviving, and I see Reggie Bush having a big year, which will only help Drew Brees and company."

Yeah, pretty much nailed this one. :)

"(6) Atlanta – I'm fully aware that the Falcons have somehow never had back-to-back winning seasons. Seriously, that seems almost impossible. Despite that, I get a real sense this time that things are different. The Tony Gonzalez trade was good for all parties involved."

QB Matt Ryan's midseason injury probably cost them a chance to make a run at a playoff spot, but they put the kibosh on that no back-to-back winning seasons thing.

"NFC WEST

(4) Seattle – Assuming Matt Hasselbeck stays healthy and their WR corps doesn't get sliced and diced by injuries again, the talent level is about the same as when the Seahawks were ruling this division, Plus..."

Well, this year it was the offensive line that got sliced and diced by injuries. The Seahawks didn't win the division or even come close.

"Arizona – Remember, bad things always happen to the team that loses the Super Bowl. Fortunately, the NFC West is still pretty bad (and the Seahawks are the last Super Bowl loser in recent memory to return to the playoffs the following season). Unfortunately, they've also got the Madden curse working against them, too. Fear – or fear for – Larry Fitzgerald."

How about this? The Cardinals beat both curses and even won a wild-card game. And nothing really happened to Fitz.

"AFC NORTH

(3) Pittsburgh – Same old, same old. The champs lost no one irreplaceable and actually get back second-year runner Rashard Mendenhall to help with the rushing attack."

I'd like to forget I ever said this. The Steelers' D lost Troy Polamalu early and got about five years older overnight. And the offensive line remained a concern. Mendenhall ended up becoming the rushing attack after Willie Parker stopped being "Fast."

"Cleveland – The Browns won't be great, but they might be a little better than people think. Whoever the quarterback is – probably Brady Quinn – needs to hope that Jamal Lewis still has a tank left and that Braylon Edwards can remember how to catch."

I had no idea they'd be as bad as they were. None.

"AFC SOUTH

(5) Tennessee – The Titans ran their way to the best record in the AFC before an inauspicious loss to the Ravens at home in the playoffs. They hope to have added more balance with rookie wideout Kenny Britt (Rutgers~!) and Nate Washington, who's good for at least one 50-yard bomb a game."

Er... no. The Titans inexplicably got off to an 0-5 start before Vince Young was put in at quarterback, and at that point, Chris Johnson started to run into the NFL stratosphere, breaking the 2,000-yard mark

"Houston – The Texans have been the 'team of the future' for about three years now, much like the Cardinals were earlier this decade. If they don't break through this season, I fear they always will be. But they've got a chance to do that with an improving defense to complement Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton. QB Matt Schaub staying upright is paramount."

Schaub stayed upright and led the entire NFL in passing yards and the Texans had their first winning season. But they still can't beat the Colts and won't break through until they do.

"AFC WEST

Oakland – Hey, somebody's got to finish second. (Of course, 'second' could be 6-10.) If Richard Seymour decides to show up, the Raiders' defense becomes not all that bad, but the offense still needs a lot of work and/or talent."

I'm going to come out and say it: JaMarcus Russell is the worst No. 1 overall pick since the merger. Only the Rams scored fewer points. And they still won five games! Imagine if they'd kept Jeff Garcia. The Raiders did benefit from the Patriots' miscalculation and Seymour made a decent defense good.

"Denver – Understand this: I like Kyle Orton. I thought he should have been starting in Chicago all along over Rex and I think he's a guy who can succeed in this league in the right set of circumstances. That said, there is no scenario where I'd rather have him than Jay Cutler. Throw in Brandon Marshall's rampant jackassery and a deceptively brutal schedule – seriously, take a good look at that thing – and this could be catastrophic."

It started out well but absolutely went to pot in the second half of the season. Kind of like last year. Orton was OK. Marshall had his moments (beating Dallas by himself; 21 catches against the Colts) but I don't believe he's long for the Broncos.

FINAL RANKINGS

TOP 4
1. New Orleans (13-3) - That Super Bowl celebration will never be topped. I mean, EVER
2. Indianapolis (14-2) - Poised for another run... we think
3. Minnesota (12-4) - And the Brett Favre watch begins anew
4. (tie) San Diego (13-3) - It's Rivers' team now
4. (tie) N.Y. Jets (9-7) - Forging a new identity?

BOTTOM 4
29. Tampa Bay (3-13) – Trudging forward towards... respectability, I'd imagine
30. Kansas City (4-12) – Transformation into Patriots West continues
31. Detroit (2-14) – At least they don't need a quarterback
32. St. Louis (1-15) – Were actually sold. No, REALLY


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Listening to: Shinedown - Sound Of Madness
via FoxyTunes
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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Wings of Steel II

- Whoa, that's Brenda Warner? I haven't seen her since the last time Kurt was good. She grew her hair out and dyed it blonde and looks about 12 years younger.

- Heh. Did you see Kurt get startled and turn his head real quick when the military detail was announced?

- No way this thing starts before 6:35.

- A "Sell Avon" spot? Really? Really?

- Twelve straight coin flip wins for the NFC? Rigged.

- 6:33. Well, lost that one.

- Ward's knee looks fine to me. Hey, nice pass coverage!

- Ben's rolling out really far back. Is he gonna take it himself? DING. Hmmm. Looking at the replays I don't think he made it. And it gets overturned. Now what? Yeah, kick it.

- The "Jr." is a nice touch for this game.

- Washington catches one of those seemingly every game. Nice job by Rodgers-Cromartie to run that down.

- Doritos II: At least he survived the bus crash. The first one was better though.

- Russell's definitely in.

- Well, you knew you weren't going to hold this offense down forever.

- That's actually an interesting video package on Warner's feet getting stepped on all the time in those situations.

- You gotta be kidding me. Wait there's a flag? It's AGAINST THE CARDINALS? That's unbelievable. Harrison was down in exhaustion for about two minutes.

- They're looking at this. I don't think he steps out. You watch that, and you see he almost gets knocked down by his own guy at about the 30, then he breaks two diving tackles, almost steps out of bounds, then lands on Fitzgerald - who was about two steps behind him for half the run - in the end zone.

- WTF at Bruce's intro. "Put the chicken fingers DOWN!" Careful down there! Watch the edge of that stage! Wow, I figured they'd close with "Born to Run". This is the new one right here. And I figured they'd open with "Glory Days". I should've booked this set. Seriously. I do dig the swinging guitars at the end. This was good. Lots of energy.

- That wasn't Scorsese in a Denny's commercial, was it? Man, times are tough.

- Yeah, that's the right call. So the Cardinals get a third challenge, I believe, since they won their first two.

- I'm watching Holmes count his players on the field, and I'm wondering what happens if there are too many guys. I assume he calls a time out, but how long does it take for him to tell them why?

- And here are the Cardinals we know and love. That's two awful penalties. And there's a third? What? He ran over the holder? You gotta be kidding me! How does that even happen? Oh. The Cards are lucky the Steelers didn't get a touchdown there 'cause this game's over if they had.

- Careerbuilder.com has taken a commanding lead. That one was in danger of going on too long before they hit you with "and you sit next to this guy."

- Warner only weighs 203? That'd make him the smallest QB in the league, right?

- I'm not sure about the PI on Hood. I think the ball's there; I don't think he got there early.

- Lots of passing on this drive (because the Cardinals ran the ball in about four games this season, and they damn sure weren't doing it against this defense.) Heck of a time for a Jerheme Urban sighting. Or J.J. Arrington. Fitz has hops.

- You know who's been big in this game is Breaston. (And you know who's done almost nothing is Boldin.) And that's a bad holding penalty.

- Punting's the best move. That's too far for Rackers and the odds are against you on 4th and 20.

- The hell is Harrison doing?

- That's an odd play call, going play action there. That second burst, that forward fall, may have gotten Parker out of the end zone but I'm not sure. That's a sick catch by Holmes. Wait, what? HOLDING IN THE END ZONE! That's two points, people. Yeah, you can't take the guy down like that.

- YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! There was a massive gap in that zone and Warner threw it right to that gap. Also, who knew Fitzgerald was that fast? Where are my canned goods?

- Why is the Steelers' fullback returning kickoffs? It wasn't a squib.

- All right, Ben. Here it is. Santonio! SANTONIOOOOOOOO. How does he get so open there? Oh, his man fell down. You know who we haven't heard much from tonight is Hines Ward. That one was too high. Holy crap. They'll be looking at this one. Oh, he's got it. He's got that.

- They at least gave that a passing glance, right? I mean, I doubt it would have mattered in the end but it'd be nice to know.

- Holmes is the MVP? I'm fine with that. I think he's scored a touchdown in every playoff game he's played in. Let me check. Yep, he sure has.

- Three of the Steelers' six Super Bowl MVPs have been wide receivers, which seems strange considering their reputation for defense and running, but those offenses, especially during the late 70's, could be explosive at times.

- I'll say mostly the same thing I said after 38: I will not call this the best Super Bowl I've ever seen - the last one Warner was in was a better overall game. And 23 (Niners-Bengals II) remains second - that last drive was art, a master at work. I'll put this in the second tier, with Elway's first win and Rams-Titans. Had it gone to overtime, maybe it's a different story.

FINAL RANKINGS:
1. Pittsburgh - Survived the crucible
2. Baltimore - Probably would've gotten the same result
3. Arizona - Can they avoid the letdown fall?

30. Kansas City - Todd Haley, come on down?
31. Cleveland - Jumping on Mangini immediately was... odd
32. Detroit - I say this every year. This time I absolutely mean it. TRADE. THE. PICK.
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Monday, February 4, 2008

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Title Tilted

What do you MEAN, all the ads disappeared from the section? Are you kidding me? The Declaration of Independence? What?

"Crazy Train"? Interesting. It's now 6:19 and they're not even close to starting this game. Jordin's father's an ex-Giant but you knew that (unless you didn't). Oh, there you go. What's with that fanfare intro? I was afraid it'd throw her off. Buck: "Kickoff less than one minute away." After these commercials, of course. And for the purposes of tracking commercials, when does the game actually begin? Is it anything after kickoff? I need answers.

The Pats are failing miserably at third-down stops so far. Maroney returning kickoffs? Whoa. I wonder how Moss is gonna do tonight. That's pretty blatant to just hit the guy in the face like that. How is the first quarter over already? Yeah, this was inevitable, I guess.

He kicked off out of bounds? How does that still happen? Seriously. Look at all the time Eli has here. Nice catch. Really? Delay of game? OOPS. And that's what I was talking about - you can't make mistakes like that against this team and expect to win. I liked that Bud spot with the rejected Clydesdale in training and the Rocky music. Gotta haul that in, Steve. I wouldn't have run outside there. But that's me.

Wow. How'd the Patriots not recover that one? Is this Rihanna in this Life Water spot? I think it is but I'm not sure. (I'm told now it was Naomi Campbell.) That was kind of crazy. Why didn't Bradshaw just try to fall on it? You can't afford to risk giving up the ball again. We're at the two-minute warning? Really? The Timberlake spot's been the worst so far (but not through any fault of his own).

Both teams have looked pretty ordinary so far. And as far as the Patriots go, we were saying this during the Colts game and the Eagles game and the Ravens game and you see where I'm going with that.

THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD! Yay for "I Won't Back Down." I'm not sure a slow jam like "Free Fallin'" belongs in a halftime show. This entire experience has been meh.

What's all this? I feel like I should have known you can challenge for 12 men on the field. Seems petty, though. Sick move by Faulk to fake out Johnson. Fourth and 13? Really, Bill? I'm against this, and I think Belichick kicks it if Vinatieri's still there.

Clutch grab by Welker. Hey, there's Peyton. Who had Kevin Boss and David Tyree as the big-play guys? Oh, that's right: NO ONE. I think Maroney has more yards on kickoff returns than he does rushing. (He did. 94-36.)

The pressure Brady's been under has been intense. He hasn't had time to throw deep. Of course, I say that, and things start clicking finally for the Pats. This is what they do, folks. What I'm particularly noticing about Welker is his awareness - he always seems to know where he needs to be. And now the Giants are starting to lose guys. DING. Welcome back, Randy. Speaking of Mr. Moss, his transformation into a total company man has almost been underreported.

All right, Eli. Let's see what you got. Ben's American Idol spot started off so well. Aikman: "They're gonna go for it here, and this is the right decsion." Ya THINK SO, DOCTOR? Jacobs has this. And if he doesn't, one of the Patriots jumped anyway. What's up with the clock? Holy crap! Who does Eli think he is, Vince Young? How did he get out of there, first of all, and how did Tyree not drop that on the way down? Wow. Also, Harrison should've drilled Tyree in the back instead of trying for the interception and allowing himself to get posted up. Somebody forgot about Smith. NO! Hobbs got absolutely torched. Steelers fans everywhere are throwing things right now. THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD. Somewhere Brett Favre and Tony Romo are screaming, "That should have been me!" How the hell did this happen?

No, seriously. How?

The Polo Grounds? I don't know about that. Eli's the MVP? I think you gotta give it to either Strahan or Osi, right? Or even Tuck? Those guys absolutely threw down on the Patriots' offensive line. (Oh. That's how it happened.) Speaking of Strahan, I wonder if he's gonna retire. He almost did this year.

FINAL RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1 (tie). New England/N.Y. Giants - Here's the problem. The Patriots shouldn't be No. 1 because they lost the Super Bowl to an inferior team. The Giants shouldn't be No. 1 because they aren't a better team than the Patriots. Am I copping out? Probably. Got any better ideas?
3. Green Bay - I predict one more year

BOTTOM 3:
30. Kansas City (4-12) - Blow it up!
31. Atlanta (4-12) - Good luck, Mr. Smith
32. Miami (1-15) - Insert variation of "dolphin-safe tuna" here

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Now playing: Run DMC - Tougher Than Leather
via FoxyTunes
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Monday, February 5, 2007

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: Rain Dance

THIS JUST IN: Jeff Garcia and Carmella are, in fact, still together. They were in town on Saturday for some event.

5:57 - Ricky Proehl being inactive makes me :(. This is his game!

6:19 - Total number of team captains over/under: 12.

6:22 - They're gonna introduce them all?

6:23 - Only 7? I was way off.

6:24 - Wow. Who's keeping track of that? Seriously, how is there unemployment with obscure crap like which conference won the last 10 coin tosses?

6:27 - OOPS.

6:29 - Amazing that the Colts got what they wanted there (the kickoff outside the numbers) and still couldn't stop Hester.

6:33 - Again, OOPS. Peyton hasn't been anywhere near his receivers so far.

6:41 - Um, Sierra Mist isn't that refreshing.

6:43 - Yeah, I think we would have heard more about Peyton's thumb if it had been an issue.

6:47 - Well, all right. Nice downfield coverage.

6:47 - WTF. Simms: "Snap is good." I hope that was sarcasm.

6:49 - "Auctioneer Wedding" looks to be the best of a bad lot so far.

6:50 - PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Who was that guy?

6:51 - Oh, it is raining? The last three balls have been straight-up dropped.

6:54 - Nice throw into traffic, Rex. Oh, Muhammad caught that? Wow. They're not booing, they're saying "Muuuuuu."

6:55 - Snickers just took a huge lead. "Quick! Do something manly!"

7:04 - Yeah, a force-out's probably the right call there.

7:04 - What the hell?

7:07 - I think the Colts are getting too greedy on offense. They should pull back a bit.

7:07 - Colts punter Hunter Smith, one of the more anonymous individuals in the NFL. Looks like the Colts are still gonna punt. Nice kick.

7:18 - I'd like to see the Colts put together a drive here.

7:21 - Abilene Christian? That's where JBL played, right?

7:26 - No Hester on the kickoff? That's strange.

7:27 - That's even stranger. They thought the Colts would squib kick? Why would they think that? They can see he's not back there.

7:38 - What are we calling that? "Bitch Slaps 'R' Us?"

7:41 - Gary Brackett, from? RUTGERS!

7:44 - Addai's been good at getting the crucial small gains tonight.

7:49 - Another turnover? Jeez. You're supposed to just go out of bounds.

7:50 - Didn't this just happen? Is this a record? Seriously.

7:52 - Peyton's dump to Addai - was that legal?

7:55 - You really think that guy's never had a Coke before?

7:56 - Seriously, WTF. Vinatieri only misses in Houston.

8:07 - I'm disappointed Prince didn't do the full "Let's Go Crazy" intro:

"Dearly beloved ... we are gathered here today to get through this thing called LIFE. Electric word, 'life', it means forever and that's a mighty long time, but I'm here to tell you ... there's something else ... the afterworld. A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun, day or night. So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills -- you know the one ... Dr. Everything'll Be Alright -- instead of asking him how much of your time is left, ask him how much of your mind, baby. 'Cause in this life, things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own."

8:11 - Is this the beginning of "All Along the Watchtower?"

8:13 - Prince is covering the Foo Fighters? Shouldn't that be the other way around?

8:16 - Let me tell you something: This rocked.

8:31 - More tough yards from Addai. And they're receiving yards on top of it. The Bears haven't done well trying to stop him.

8:36 - They're challenging that the Bears had 12 men on the field? That seems petty.

8:37 - It doesn't really look like it's raining, though, except for the occasional wet camera shot.

8:40 - The E-Trade "Bank Robbery" commercial has potential.

8:47 - And this is what I figured would happen: The Colts get the lead and start teeing off on Rex, making his head explode.

8:51 - This is what the Bears wanted to do to the Colts, right? Well, it's the other way around.

8:55 - Wow. Robert Goulet and Emerald Nuts just made it close.

9:00 - Solid block of commercials with K-Fed (which I thought was funny, but I hadn't seen it yet) and the Bud Light hitchhiker spot. "He's got Bud Light." "Yeah, and an axe!"

9:09 - Good decision to reverse the call. Harrison pretty clearly got both feet down.

9:17 - The human leg isn't supposed to bend like that, right?

9:19 - Nantz is belaboring the point, but it's valid: The Bears really haven't done much. And there's a big run getting wiped out. Giants fans are having flashbacks.

9:21 - Horrible throw by Rex. Nice work.

9:23 - I think he's inbounds at both points of contention. The replay also shows Hayden was sitting on the double move like he saw it coming.

9:25 - All right, NO MORE POINTS. I have 28-17 in the office pool.

9:27 - Was that Shula with Jay-Z in the holographic football game?

9:28 - And this is the worst-case scenario for the Bears: down big late and having to rely on Rex to bring them back.

9:30 - See?

9:36 - Now the Colts downshift into first gear. No reason to take any chances, especially in this weather.

9:37 - And isn't it kind of refreshing and different to have weather actually be a factor in a Super Bowl?

9:44 - The NFL Network contest-winning ad? Not as great in execution. And what was with the Favre tack-on at the end?

9:56 - Anybody see a bunch of monkeys go flying through the air just now?

9:58 - Ship the Super Bowl. And SHIP THE PRIZES.

10:01 - Hey, who's your MVP? I think they might pick two guys.

10:14 - Oh, it's Peyton. Yay.

10:17 - The parade needs to be led by an Indy car, am I right?

FINAL RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. Indianapolis - Stop drinkin' that Haterade, playas!
2. San Diego - Still pulling bullets out of their feet
3. (tie) New Orleans - Pieces in place for longevity
(tie) Chicago - Could be dangerous if Rex stops sucking
(tie) New England - At something of a crossroads, perhaps?

BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland - Two words: Adrian. Peterson.
31. Detroit - Pitchers and catchers report when?
32. Oakland - Does anyone care anymore?
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