(Apologies for how late this is; all the overtime I've been working this month finally caught up to me.)
Signal Finder: PHI @ TEN, PIT @ MIA, BUF @ BAL (end regulation), NE @ SD
Here's the thing: Once the official signals touchdown, the play's over. And the only way the Dolphins would have gotten the ball is if the officials had made the correct call the first time — even if they'd said Ben was down by contact at the 1 or whatever, if you review that, you end up with the same result. I don't know. It's tough. Of course, the Dolphins make it a moot point by running one of the saddest two-minute drills I've ever seen. Mike Tomlin: "We will take it and exit stage left." (Steelers 23, Dolphins 22)
DeAngelo Hall:Jay Cutler::Ronde Barber:Donovan McNabb::Ty Law:Peyton Manning. Discuss. (Redskins 17, Bears 14)
Kerry Collins? This ought to be... interesting. Fumble! Interception? Well that was pointless. Anybody else dizzy after the modified flea-flicker to Cooper (who could have a future as a poor man's Ed McCaffrey)? Oh no. Good job by Anonymous Titans Lineman No. 2 to blow that play up three yards behind the line — that handoff had no chance. And it turns into a six-point swing and possibly more. Nice return by the rookie Jorrick Calvin (who'll be filling in for DeSean Jackson in the return game.) Figuring out how to stop Kenny Britt would help, y'know? And there he is loose in the secondary again. And again. And AGAIN. I'd suggest modifying the coverage but it may be too late at this point. I would like to point out that the game was actually much closer than the final score. The Eagles' game plan defensively was to make somebody not named Chris Johnson beat them... and that's exactly what happened. (Titans 37, Eagles 19)
Fun fact: The Browns have beaten the reigning Super Bowl champion in each of the last three seasons. (Browns 30, Saints 17)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Ravens 37, Bills 34, OT
Are you kidding me with that kickoff? Did that even cross midfield? OK, let's... let's decipher this one. Guy makes the catch, goes down, gets up, starts clapping, and a Patriot picks up the loose ball because he was never ruled down?! The Chargers are becoming the AFC's Cowboys. Seriously, guys, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Chargers have made some absolutely fatal mistakes in the first half and are miraculously only down by 10. I'm not sure what that means. The days of the 30-40-yard pass play in New England appear to be over. If the Chargers can work their way to a touchdown here, they're still in this game. And there it is. More so than ever, this offense needs Gates to be its rock. Onside kick! Is this happening? I don't recognize these people. Ajiri-what? If the Patriots manage to blow this... Going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? Calling a terrible play while going for it on 4th and short in your own territory again, Belichick? (Seriously, a handoff three yards deep in your backfield on 4th and 2 when you can't run the ball is Not Smart.) A false start? Way to make the kicker's job even harder. CLANG! Ladies and gentlemen, Kris Brown, the least clutch kicker EVER. (Patriots 23, Chargers 20)
You know how I said earlier that the Eagles-Titans game was closer than the score indicated? This one was the exact opposite. The Raiders shouldn't be doing that to anyone. And how does Tom Cable not run the score up here? Is he not the complete jackass I thought he was? (Raiders 59, Broncos 14)
Um, why isn't Childress challenging this one? Anybody? Bernard Berrian lives! I don't think he got in. You see that, Childress? That's what you do when a crucial call on the field looks questionable. That's close. OK, they've probably just delayed the inevitable but whatever. What, again? Ohhhh, I don't know about that one. That's a lot like the Calvin Johnson play in Week 1 that the Lions didn't get and that's why this one got overturned also. The league needs to clarify that or something. It's like both defenses showed up at the start of the game, left, came back just before halftime and have now left again. GUNSLINGER. Seriously, who was that to? We've seen a couple of really bad kickoffs today. Favre can barely walk out there right now. He might have to come out. I love how there are three Packers in the vicinity and no one even thought to put a body on Moss. And the defenses are back in the building. TOUCHDO- hang on, no. That's not a touchdown. They're reviewing this, right? Oh, good. Yeah, Harvin's second foot is clearly out of bounds. (Packers 28, Vikings 24)
Let's see if this Cowboys team has anything resembling a backbone. That's an encouraging start and a rare forced turnover. The Giants are struggling at the outset. Did Coughlin really burn both his challenges in the first quarter? Dez! When the ball's inside the 10 you're supposed to signal fair catch and run away from — oh, snap. Interesting that Brandon Jacobs seems to have settled down and accepted his new role as the complementary guy. I turn away and five minutes later it's 21-20 Giants and Romo's down on the turf looking like a chalk outline. The linebacker came in untouched! That's just not right. Thirty-one unanswered! I'd say we're essentially witnessing a live execution but the victims have clearly left the building. They're not even trying anymore. Eli's numbers will look really good but his receivers let him down a few times — at least two of the picks he threw went right through his guys' hands. Hmmm. Fourth and goal from the 6, down 18, 8:30 left, and the worst kicker in the league is on your roster, making this far from a lock. Do you go for it? Apparently. What the... now we've had three turnovers in the span of six plays. This is getting ugly. Didn't this exact same thing happen in San Diego yesterday? That field goal should seal it. Or not, as Felix Jones just outran almost every Giant defender on the field. Seriously, this can't happen. Phew. I mean, the Cowboys just didn't deserve to win after quitting for most of the second half. (Giants 41, Cowboys 35)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-5, L1): The Ryan Mathews situation is crippling me. As is the fact that the rest of my team also sucks.
JackSux 7 (2-5, L1): And it happens AGAIN. Rob's brother got his second-best point total of the season against me.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — It doesn't get any easier
2. Pittsburgh (5-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (5-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (5-2) — Ed Reed's return is a big lift
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (1-5) - Well, it's something
30. Dallas (1-5) - Truly a rudderless ship
31. San Francisco (1-5) - It's rare to find two No. 1 overall quarterback busts on the same roster
32. Buffalo (0-6) - Showing a pulse?
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Land Crashing
Signal Finder: ATL @ PHI, DAL @ MIN, NYJ @ DEN
I have no idea what to expect any more. That's a good start. What we're seeing here also is the Falcons' pass defense still not being quite up to par. I mean, how do you let DeSean Jackson get that open? cringes Well that'll put a stop to that. Like I've said before, you know it's serious when even the slow-motion replay looks like it hurts. It's almost a miracle that neither guy needed to be carted off. Did Maclin's knee hit? Yep. OK. Now we've got two drive-killing tipped passes for interceptions at both ends of the field. Moore's navigating this runback like a punt return. Siragusa: "I dunno; I don't think you can call a horse-collar on a quarterback." Also, finding out that Moose married a woman from Philly is kind of like John Elway's current wife being a former Raiders cheerleader... it's just not right. The other problem is that the Eagles were about to bury the Falcons and now they're on the board. You know whose name I haven't heard much today is Michael Turner. Four missed field goals at the same end? When did this game get moved to Heinz Field? The deep pass to Maclin off the fake end around was pretty sweet. Kolb was sharp today and has given Andy another problem to deal with, and I'm struggling to remember the last quarterback situation to be thrown into utter chaos in this specific manner. (Eagles 31, Falcons 17)
I remain surprised that the Seahawks managed to get more than a couple of tackling sleds for Deion Branch for all the good he did them. Just keep throwing, Ravens — that's how you beat these guys. Looking at it again, Brandon Meriwether's lucky he didn't get thrown out of the game for that. Leaving your feet and driving your helmet into the receiver's after the ball's past you? That's B.S. Part of why Branch has seven catches already is that he doesn't command the double- and triple-teams that Moss did. How did Danny Woodhead end up as the Pats' leading rusher in this game? If Branch doesn't pick up that first down this game might end in a tie. Well that took long enough. I was kind of hoping for a tie here just to see the playoff scenario calculator explode two months from now. (Patriots 23, Ravens 20, OT)
The larger development here is that Colt McCoy got out alive. Didn't Mike Holmgren say he wasn't going to play this year? (Steelers 28, Browns 10)
Man, Sanchez's interceptionless streak was living on borrowed time anyway (and the Broncos dropped two on the first two drives before that one). I see being traded still hasn't given Laurence Maroney the ability to run downhill. Tim Tebow lives! Somewhere, Urban Meyer is sighing wistfully. I feel like the Broncos' running game is suffering for the same reason the Cowboys have trouble — they use too many guys and don't use them effectively and in the right situations, and in Denver's case, they all do similar things. When it rains, it pours. So Prater hits from 59 but misses from 49? Whatever. How is Orton having this season with Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney as his starting wide receivers? That... was a penalty. SCORE. What was that? Where was that snap on the field goal in the first quarter? (Jets 24, Broncos 20)
Clearly, Mike Singletary needs to threaten to bench Alex Smith during the third quarter every week. (49ers 17, Raiders 6)
I may put the loser here in "Act of God" territory. Favre's getting pounded already. So who's that fumble on — Peterson or Favre? Greg Camarillo? Really? OK, if you say so. OMG. You idiots got flagged for the same thing LAST WEEK! Then Austin gets a touchdown taken away from him for pushing down a defender he already had beaten. (About five minutes in real time later, someone in the Jets-Broncos game also got called for offensive pass interference. Clearly the avenues of communication got cut off, as that penalty is called once and only once a week.) I know I criticized the Cowboys for throwing too much last week, but why wouldn't you this week with the Vikings down two corners? That's not usually as easy as Harvin made that look. That this game is tied at this point seems... appropriate, somehow. What E.J. Henderson did to Romo is reminding me of a Seahawks-Eagles game a few years back when Lofa Tatupu picked off A.J. Feeley like 16 times or something. And there's the go-ahead field goal. If I were a Vikings fan, I'd be thanking God every night I hit my knees that they play in the NFC. (Vikings 24, Cowboys 21)
What the... did the Raiders kidnap the Colts, steal their jerseys, and fly to Washington? I'm no longer sure who has worse hands: the Redskins' receivers or their defensive backs. Fun fact: This is the closest Donovan McNabb has ever come to beating Peyton Manning. (Colts 27, Redskins 24)
You know, the Titans are pretty good. (Titans 30, Jaguars 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-4, W1): Or, the NFC, as Max points out that seven teams are 4-2.
JackSux 7 (2-4, W1): Finally, a complete team effort.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — Resourceful — and a little lucky — to the end
2. Pittsburgh (4-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (4-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (4-2) — That didn't end so well
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (1-4) - C'MON, MAN!
30. Cleveland (1-5) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
31. Carolina (0-5) - I hope John Fox has a moving van reserved
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Still managed to lose by nine
I have no idea what to expect any more. That's a good start. What we're seeing here also is the Falcons' pass defense still not being quite up to par. I mean, how do you let DeSean Jackson get that open? cringes Well that'll put a stop to that. Like I've said before, you know it's serious when even the slow-motion replay looks like it hurts. It's almost a miracle that neither guy needed to be carted off. Did Maclin's knee hit? Yep. OK. Now we've got two drive-killing tipped passes for interceptions at both ends of the field. Moore's navigating this runback like a punt return. Siragusa: "I dunno; I don't think you can call a horse-collar on a quarterback." Also, finding out that Moose married a woman from Philly is kind of like John Elway's current wife being a former Raiders cheerleader... it's just not right. The other problem is that the Eagles were about to bury the Falcons and now they're on the board. You know whose name I haven't heard much today is Michael Turner. Four missed field goals at the same end? When did this game get moved to Heinz Field? The deep pass to Maclin off the fake end around was pretty sweet. Kolb was sharp today and has given Andy another problem to deal with, and I'm struggling to remember the last quarterback situation to be thrown into utter chaos in this specific manner. (Eagles 31, Falcons 17)
I remain surprised that the Seahawks managed to get more than a couple of tackling sleds for Deion Branch for all the good he did them. Just keep throwing, Ravens — that's how you beat these guys. Looking at it again, Brandon Meriwether's lucky he didn't get thrown out of the game for that. Leaving your feet and driving your helmet into the receiver's after the ball's past you? That's B.S. Part of why Branch has seven catches already is that he doesn't command the double- and triple-teams that Moss did. How did Danny Woodhead end up as the Pats' leading rusher in this game? If Branch doesn't pick up that first down this game might end in a tie. Well that took long enough. I was kind of hoping for a tie here just to see the playoff scenario calculator explode two months from now. (Patriots 23, Ravens 20, OT)
The larger development here is that Colt McCoy got out alive. Didn't Mike Holmgren say he wasn't going to play this year? (Steelers 28, Browns 10)
Man, Sanchez's interceptionless streak was living on borrowed time anyway (and the Broncos dropped two on the first two drives before that one). I see being traded still hasn't given Laurence Maroney the ability to run downhill. Tim Tebow lives! Somewhere, Urban Meyer is sighing wistfully. I feel like the Broncos' running game is suffering for the same reason the Cowboys have trouble — they use too many guys and don't use them effectively and in the right situations, and in Denver's case, they all do similar things. When it rains, it pours. So Prater hits from 59 but misses from 49? Whatever. How is Orton having this season with Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney as his starting wide receivers? That... was a penalty. SCORE. What was that? Where was that snap on the field goal in the first quarter? (Jets 24, Broncos 20)
Clearly, Mike Singletary needs to threaten to bench Alex Smith during the third quarter every week. (49ers 17, Raiders 6)
I may put the loser here in "Act of God" territory. Favre's getting pounded already. So who's that fumble on — Peterson or Favre? Greg Camarillo? Really? OK, if you say so. OMG. You idiots got flagged for the same thing LAST WEEK! Then Austin gets a touchdown taken away from him for pushing down a defender he already had beaten. (About five minutes in real time later, someone in the Jets-Broncos game also got called for offensive pass interference. Clearly the avenues of communication got cut off, as that penalty is called once and only once a week.) I know I criticized the Cowboys for throwing too much last week, but why wouldn't you this week with the Vikings down two corners? That's not usually as easy as Harvin made that look. That this game is tied at this point seems... appropriate, somehow. What E.J. Henderson did to Romo is reminding me of a Seahawks-Eagles game a few years back when Lofa Tatupu picked off A.J. Feeley like 16 times or something. And there's the go-ahead field goal. If I were a Vikings fan, I'd be thanking God every night I hit my knees that they play in the NFC. (Vikings 24, Cowboys 21)
What the... did the Raiders kidnap the Colts, steal their jerseys, and fly to Washington? I'm no longer sure who has worse hands: the Redskins' receivers or their defensive backs. Fun fact: This is the closest Donovan McNabb has ever come to beating Peyton Manning. (Colts 27, Redskins 24)
You know, the Titans are pretty good. (Titans 30, Jaguars 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (2-4, W1): Or, the NFC, as Max points out that seven teams are 4-2.
JackSux 7 (2-4, W1): Finally, a complete team effort.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (5-1) — Resourceful — and a little lucky — to the end
2. Pittsburgh (4-1) — It's like he never left
3. New England (4-1) — Warts and all, they're still not an easy out
4. Baltimore (4-2) — That didn't end so well
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (1-4) - C'MON, MAN!
30. Cleveland (1-5) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
31. Carolina (0-5) - I hope John Fox has a moving van reserved
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Still managed to lose by nine
Friday, October 15, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: The Artistry of Escape
Signal Finder: DEN @ BAL, WSH @ GB, TEN @ DAL
That's such a Bengals way to lose. What's happened to Carson Palmer? My God. (Buccaneers 24, Bengals 21)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Bears 23, Panthers 6
Well, there's an inauspicious beginning. What happened to Portis? Hey Packers, why didn't you kick the field goal? You go 85 yards down the field, you should really score. Just sayin'. And now the Packers are running out of bodies — I'm not sure they even have a tight end left. This Armstrong kid has basically become the Redskins' version of what Nate Washington was when he was with the Steelers; a guy you send down the field and throw a bomb to once a game that always hits. CLANG! Man, Crosby's fallen pretty far since his rookie year. And now if you're the Redskins, you're close enough that you can throw one up there and hope to get lucky with a flag or something. Or, you know, that can happen. Tackling him would be something to consider. Are you kidding me? Oh, OK. If Williams had brought that all the way back that might have been the most crushing defeat... well, ever, considering the circumstances. You know who's finally good is LaRon Landry. Good win for the Redskins, especially when you consider the fact that they've lost this exact game about 26 times in the last seven years. (Redskins 16, Packers 13, OT)
How many times did the Cowboys get called for pass interference on that first drive? Three? ESPN's Tim MacMahon: "Well, the Cowboys trail by 10 with 5:22 remaining in the first quarter. Time for Jason Garrett to abandon the run." Nice escape by Chris Johnson. Wow, it looks like that pass was actually intended for Bo Scaife but Kenny Britt caught it. Not only is Miles Austin the real deal after all, but something's lit a fire under Roy Williams also, as he's actually not terrible this year. Even scarier is that the Cowboys seem to have finally figured out that Felix Jones is their best back. On the flip side, David Buehler's making Cowboys fans miss Nick Folk. Mike Jenkins' play at cornerback today is reminding me of the salad days of Kevin Smith. He's been terrible. I've never heard of any of the Titans' defensive linemen but they're just wrecking the Cowboys — all three of Romo's picks came on balls tipped at the line, and the offensive line's been getting shredded all day today. This one might be over after that last one. Or not, as they've found Jason Witten in the end zone. I mean... whatever you think of the NFL's crackdown on celebrations, a rule's a rule. You know you're not supposed to go to the ground. You know that. This is why I don't believe in the Cowboys and wouldn't even if I didn't hate them with the passion of a thousand suns. You saw that graphic that said they're the second-most penalized team in the league behind the Raiders since 2006, right? The yardage they've lost today basically canceled out Miles Austin. Touchdown Titans! No, Phil Simms, the Titans didn't win because they made more big plays. The Titans won because they're not terminally stupid. (Titans 34, Cowboys 27)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brett Favre (and that was even before this happened); 2. The Chargers' special teams coordinator; 3. The guy on the Chargers who tried to scoop up the Rivers fumble that led to the Raiders' game-sealing touchdown; 4. Mike Jenkins; 5. Carson Palmer.
Toss-Up! Who will be more gainfully employed in two years: Ken Whisenhunt or Matt Leinart? Which quarterback's near-decapitation was more painful to watch: Max Hall's or Pat White's? Which throw was worse: Drew Brees' last one or Orlando Cabrera's first one? (Cardinals 30, Saints 20; Phillies 4, Reds 0)
Okay, kick coverage is starting to become an issue. Kolb looks much more comfortable than last week, which illustrates just how different the offensive game plan is with him versus with Vick (and also that two quarterbacks with such vastly different styles probably can't function long term as starter and backup, in whichever order you want to put them in.) They seem to be calling more of the short stuff that Kolb was checking down to last week, which helps. Hey, a Brian Westbrook sighting! You know who's good is LeSean McCoy. When did Trevor Laws stop sucking? Singletary is INSANE WITH ANGER. The fans chanting "We want Carr" are just insane. You want to replace one No. 1 overall bust for another one? You really want to do that? I think Smith just told Carr to go back to the sideline. Did I see that? Uh-oh. Didn't this happen against the Lions? Don't do anything stupid here, Kevin. Interception! This did happen against the Lions. Let's get out of here without making any sudden movements. (Eagles 27, 49ers 24)
LIGHTNING! All right, we'll wait. Here's a fun fact: Not only is Randy Moss the second player to play on back-to-back Monday Night Football games for two different teams (the immortal Keith Browner is the other), but barring injury, he's in line to be the only player who will play in 17 regular-season games this year. Is it wise to send a gimpy Brett Favre out on a trick play with Moss throwing it? (Also, that only works against the Giants.) Seriously, between that and how little Peterson's being used, it's almost like the Vikings flew Jason Garrett in to call their plays. Jets are scuffling on offense (Braylon has the drops again) but the Vikings look worse. Favre keeps grabbing his arm. He looks like a 41-year-old man playing quarterback in the NFL, and there haven't been many of those. See, that's how that's supposed to work. No need for tricky role reversals. LDT and Greene have been having their way with the Vikings' run defense. It's kind of sick. Revis looks hobbled tonight and the Jets have not been able to find Harvin to stop him. Um, Rex, why are you even calling a pass play there? You're lucky you got to two minutes. The irony is that Harvin might have had a shot at that one had he not altered his route by knocking Revis to the ground. Gee, that's never happened before. Though it was more "nice play by Lowery" than "bad throw by Favre." But still. (Jets 29, Vikings 20)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-4, L1): Well, at least we didn't set a new all-time lowest score.
JackSux 7 (1-4, L2): I seem to be catching everybody on their best week, as I've had 40 more points scored against me than the next team.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (4-1) — Can Tomlinson keep this up?
2. Baltimore (4-1) — Offense starting to gel
3. Pittsburgh (3-1) — Welcome back(?), Ben
4. Atlanta (4-1) — Just doing what needs to be done
BOTTOM 4:
29. Cleveland (1-4) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
30. San Francisco (0-5) - The best 0-5 team ever?
31. Carolina (0-5) - Honestly, it's probably time to trade Steve Smith
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Jaguars-Bills: NO BUYS!
That's such a Bengals way to lose. What's happened to Carson Palmer? My God. (Buccaneers 24, Bengals 21)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Bears 23, Panthers 6
Well, there's an inauspicious beginning. What happened to Portis? Hey Packers, why didn't you kick the field goal? You go 85 yards down the field, you should really score. Just sayin'. And now the Packers are running out of bodies — I'm not sure they even have a tight end left. This Armstrong kid has basically become the Redskins' version of what Nate Washington was when he was with the Steelers; a guy you send down the field and throw a bomb to once a game that always hits. CLANG! Man, Crosby's fallen pretty far since his rookie year. And now if you're the Redskins, you're close enough that you can throw one up there and hope to get lucky with a flag or something. Or, you know, that can happen. Tackling him would be something to consider. Are you kidding me? Oh, OK. If Williams had brought that all the way back that might have been the most crushing defeat... well, ever, considering the circumstances. You know who's finally good is LaRon Landry. Good win for the Redskins, especially when you consider the fact that they've lost this exact game about 26 times in the last seven years. (Redskins 16, Packers 13, OT)
How many times did the Cowboys get called for pass interference on that first drive? Three? ESPN's Tim MacMahon: "Well, the Cowboys trail by 10 with 5:22 remaining in the first quarter. Time for Jason Garrett to abandon the run." Nice escape by Chris Johnson. Wow, it looks like that pass was actually intended for Bo Scaife but Kenny Britt caught it. Not only is Miles Austin the real deal after all, but something's lit a fire under Roy Williams also, as he's actually not terrible this year. Even scarier is that the Cowboys seem to have finally figured out that Felix Jones is their best back. On the flip side, David Buehler's making Cowboys fans miss Nick Folk. Mike Jenkins' play at cornerback today is reminding me of the salad days of Kevin Smith. He's been terrible. I've never heard of any of the Titans' defensive linemen but they're just wrecking the Cowboys — all three of Romo's picks came on balls tipped at the line, and the offensive line's been getting shredded all day today. This one might be over after that last one. Or not, as they've found Jason Witten in the end zone. I mean... whatever you think of the NFL's crackdown on celebrations, a rule's a rule. You know you're not supposed to go to the ground. You know that. This is why I don't believe in the Cowboys and wouldn't even if I didn't hate them with the passion of a thousand suns. You saw that graphic that said they're the second-most penalized team in the league behind the Raiders since 2006, right? The yardage they've lost today basically canceled out Miles Austin. Touchdown Titans! No, Phil Simms, the Titans didn't win because they made more big plays. The Titans won because they're not terminally stupid. (Titans 34, Cowboys 27)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brett Favre (and that was even before this happened); 2. The Chargers' special teams coordinator; 3. The guy on the Chargers who tried to scoop up the Rivers fumble that led to the Raiders' game-sealing touchdown; 4. Mike Jenkins; 5. Carson Palmer.
Toss-Up! Who will be more gainfully employed in two years: Ken Whisenhunt or Matt Leinart? Which quarterback's near-decapitation was more painful to watch: Max Hall's or Pat White's? Which throw was worse: Drew Brees' last one or Orlando Cabrera's first one? (Cardinals 30, Saints 20; Phillies 4, Reds 0)
Okay, kick coverage is starting to become an issue. Kolb looks much more comfortable than last week, which illustrates just how different the offensive game plan is with him versus with Vick (and also that two quarterbacks with such vastly different styles probably can't function long term as starter and backup, in whichever order you want to put them in.) They seem to be calling more of the short stuff that Kolb was checking down to last week, which helps. Hey, a Brian Westbrook sighting! You know who's good is LeSean McCoy. When did Trevor Laws stop sucking? Singletary is INSANE WITH ANGER. The fans chanting "We want Carr" are just insane. You want to replace one No. 1 overall bust for another one? You really want to do that? I think Smith just told Carr to go back to the sideline. Did I see that? Uh-oh. Didn't this happen against the Lions? Don't do anything stupid here, Kevin. Interception! This did happen against the Lions. Let's get out of here without making any sudden movements. (Eagles 27, 49ers 24)
LIGHTNING! All right, we'll wait. Here's a fun fact: Not only is Randy Moss the second player to play on back-to-back Monday Night Football games for two different teams (the immortal Keith Browner is the other), but barring injury, he's in line to be the only player who will play in 17 regular-season games this year. Is it wise to send a gimpy Brett Favre out on a trick play with Moss throwing it? (Also, that only works against the Giants.) Seriously, between that and how little Peterson's being used, it's almost like the Vikings flew Jason Garrett in to call their plays. Jets are scuffling on offense (Braylon has the drops again) but the Vikings look worse. Favre keeps grabbing his arm. He looks like a 41-year-old man playing quarterback in the NFL, and there haven't been many of those. See, that's how that's supposed to work. No need for tricky role reversals. LDT and Greene have been having their way with the Vikings' run defense. It's kind of sick. Revis looks hobbled tonight and the Jets have not been able to find Harvin to stop him. Um, Rex, why are you even calling a pass play there? You're lucky you got to two minutes. The irony is that Harvin might have had a shot at that one had he not altered his route by knocking Revis to the ground. Gee, that's never happened before. Though it was more "nice play by Lowery" than "bad throw by Favre." But still. (Jets 29, Vikings 20)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-4, L1): Well, at least we didn't set a new all-time lowest score.
JackSux 7 (1-4, L2): I seem to be catching everybody on their best week, as I've had 40 more points scored against me than the next team.
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (4-1) — Can Tomlinson keep this up?
2. Baltimore (4-1) — Offense starting to gel
3. Pittsburgh (3-1) — Welcome back(?), Ben
4. Atlanta (4-1) — Just doing what needs to be done
BOTTOM 4:
29. Cleveland (1-4) - At least they're scoring touchdowns this year
30. San Francisco (0-5) - The best 0-5 team ever?
31. Carolina (0-5) - Honestly, it's probably time to trade Steve Smith
32. Buffalo (0-5) - Jaguars-Bills: NO BUYS!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Home Invaders
Signal Finder: PIT @ BAL, CAR @ NO, DEN @ TEN (end), WSH @ PHI
First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)
This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..." ACTING! Mason got all kinds of crossed up on the Taylor interception. Reed missed again?? If I hadn't just seen Garrett Hartley on the Saints' sideline just now, I'd think the Ravens pulled off a double kidnapping. Fabian Washington bailing out on an interception because Haloti Ngata was barreling toward him was pretty funny. That's the second third down Pittsburgh's converted on this drive. He's getting in. Yep. This is a very important drive for Flacco here. He's really working that left side for some reason, and that reason is that that side's where the completions are. Go for it on fourth down? Sure. Wow, that had zero chance of working. Let's see if the Ravens can get a stop this time. Oh, that's a huge penalty. I stand corrected... this is a very important drive for Flacco here. It's also a fair bit easier than the last one. There's no need to force anything with the short distance they have to go. TOUCHDOWN! I still don't get why they brought T.J. in but they're sure glad they did. Man, that Ray Lewis is everywhere. (Ravens 17, Steelers 14)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed
Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)
Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)
Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)
CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)
Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.
JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.
And now it's time for...
RANKINGS!
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old
----------------
Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes
First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)
This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..."
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed
Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)
Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)
Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)
CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)
Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.
JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.
And now it's time for...
RANKINGS!
TOP 4:
1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back
BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old
----------------
Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, September 30, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: A Fine Mess
Signal Finder: TEN @ NYG, PHI @ JAX, IND @ DEN
Um, Eli... you're not left-handed. Postgame: "I don't even know what the ball was doing in my left hand, to be honest with you." This is not going well at all and it's kind of amazing the Giants are only down 10-3. Make that tied. Nice run. Wait, what? An illegal chop block in the end zone? That's a safety! And now it's all starting to come apart. Guys picking fights, shoving people around, late hits... I'm surprised Coughlin's head isn't actually on fire on the sideline. Hey, a Shawn Andrews sighting! It's the Chris Johnson diet. And now Antrel Rolle's sitting down too. Dierdorf: "Where are the other nine Giants?" Me: "On the bench." This can't continue. (Titans 29, Giants 10)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Patriots 38, Bills 30
I don't remember where I read it, but last week someone wrote "the NCAA's proximity karma bomb went off inside Reggie Bush's leg." Apparently the shrapnel got caught in Garrett Hartley's - how do you miss from 29 yards? And that badly to boot? Calm down, Falcons. You haven't won anything yet. (Falcons 27, Saints 24, OT)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: You let Peyton Hillis go off for 144? Really, Baltimore Ravens? Really? (Ravens 24, Browns 17)
Seriously, this is how Peyton vs. the Broncos always ends. (Colts 27, Broncos 13)
The flip-flop to Vick was so out of character I don't know what's going on anymore. Also, you know your game's bootleg when Ron Pitts and John Lynch are calling it. The Jaguars' pass defense is... lacking. We saw at times last year with Vick that the raw ability and athleticism were still there, and now he's in a stretch where he's putting it all together with some necessary restraint. This Cox kid is getting used and abused. Some pundits thought Jeremy Maclin was going to have a better year than DeSean Jackson and that seems to be happening right now. Man, the Jaguars are just... bad. And it's not even entertainingly bad or historically bad. They're just bad. And that'll be the end of the excitement for this game. That was easy enough, I suppose. (Eagles 28, Jaguars 3)
TANGENTIALLY RELATED: Posit: You're the Jacksonville Jaguars. Except for a surprising run to the AFC championship game in your second year of existence, you've been largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of the National Football League. Recently, you've become more known for the empty seats in your stadium and whether or not you're going to stay in town than just about anything that's happened on the field. Nobody seems to care. So don't you have to try to do something to create some kind of buzz, something to get people interested in your team again, even if it doesn't actually work? Shouldn't you have rolled the dice and at least tried to get Donovan McNabb?
I feel like this is karmic payback for Albert Haynesworth's latest losing battle with intelligence, selflessness and rational thought. Also, this might be the worst group of wide receivers McNabb's ever played with. You know how old Joey Galloway is? He's 206! (Rams 30, Redskins 16)
Seabass strikes again! That's such a Raiders way to lose. (Cardinals 24, Raiders 23)
Butch: "If only Braylon Edwards had managed that straight a line Monday night." The bigger shock there was that he caught the ball in the first place. CONTINUING TREND: This is the third straight game the Jets have allowed a 100-yard receiver. (Jets 31, Dolphins 23)
It seems like it always plays out this way: The hype focuses on the matchup between two - to this point - prolific quarterbacks, and the game turns into a defensive struggle. Don't kick it to Devin Hester. Especially if you're going to kick it that badly. The Packers have got to get a running back - Brandon Jackson's not cutting it. It's kind of unbelievable how many points have been left on the field in this game - the holding penalty that took away the Finley touchdown, followed by the blocked field goal, then the Bears deciding to throw a pass on 4th and goal from the 1 instead of kicking a chip shot to tie the game. Again: DON'T KICK IT TO DEVIN HESTER. That was a reminder in case everyone forgot. Not from me, from him. Let's see how they react. Intercepted. No? Roughing the passer? And two minutes later it's a tie game. FUMBLE. Put that challenge flag away, McCarthy; you've got no shot at this one. That is definitely pass interference and led directly to the interception to boot. Now they've gotta get the ball back. This... is probably not optimal strategy. I feel like NFL teams should hire someone whose sole responsibility is clock management. Whether it's spending the week designing strategies or just being in a booth somewhere making decisions and recommending challenges on the fly. I mean, there are about three head coaches who aren't terrible at it and I don't even know who they are. Why kick it now? You didn't kick it the first time!? The last seven minutes for the Packers were an absolute horror show. The Bears are 3-0? (Bears 20, Packers 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL: Whiskey (0-3, L3): This is getting ridiculous. Chad Henne is off the street and in as starting quarterback.
JackSux 7 (1-2, W1): Yay! Had to hold off a late rally from Original Pulp Heroes, but I've finally won a game this year.
Um, Eli... you're not left-handed. Postgame: "I don't even know what the ball was doing in my left hand, to be honest with you." This is not going well at all and it's kind of amazing the Giants are only down 10-3. Make that tied. Nice run. Wait, what? An illegal chop block in the end zone? That's a safety! And now it's all starting to come apart. Guys picking fights, shoving people around, late hits... I'm surprised Coughlin's head isn't actually on fire on the sideline. Hey, a Shawn Andrews sighting! It's the Chris Johnson diet. And now Antrel Rolle's sitting down too. Dierdorf: "Where are the other nine Giants?" Me: "On the bench." This can't continue. (Titans 29, Giants 10)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Patriots 38, Bills 30
I don't remember where I read it, but last week someone wrote "the NCAA's proximity karma bomb went off inside Reggie Bush's leg." Apparently the shrapnel got caught in Garrett Hartley's - how do you miss from 29 yards? And that badly to boot? Calm down, Falcons. You haven't won anything yet. (Falcons 27, Saints 24, OT)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: You let Peyton Hillis go off for 144? Really, Baltimore Ravens? Really? (Ravens 24, Browns 17)
Seriously, this is how Peyton vs. the Broncos always ends. (Colts 27, Broncos 13)
The flip-flop to Vick was so out of character I don't know what's going on anymore. Also, you know your game's bootleg when Ron Pitts and John Lynch are calling it. The Jaguars' pass defense is... lacking. We saw at times last year with Vick that the raw ability and athleticism were still there, and now he's in a stretch where he's putting it all together with some necessary restraint. This Cox kid is getting used and abused. Some pundits thought Jeremy Maclin was going to have a better year than DeSean Jackson and that seems to be happening right now. Man, the Jaguars are just... bad. And it's not even entertainingly bad or historically bad. They're just bad. And that'll be the end of the excitement for this game. That was easy enough, I suppose. (Eagles 28, Jaguars 3)
TANGENTIALLY RELATED: Posit: You're the Jacksonville Jaguars. Except for a surprising run to the AFC championship game in your second year of existence, you've been largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of the National Football League. Recently, you've become more known for the empty seats in your stadium and whether or not you're going to stay in town than just about anything that's happened on the field. Nobody seems to care. So don't you have to try to do something to create some kind of buzz, something to get people interested in your team again, even if it doesn't actually work? Shouldn't you have rolled the dice and at least tried to get Donovan McNabb?
I feel like this is karmic payback for Albert Haynesworth's latest losing battle with intelligence, selflessness and rational thought. Also, this might be the worst group of wide receivers McNabb's ever played with. You know how old Joey Galloway is? He's 206! (Rams 30, Redskins 16)
Seabass strikes again! That's such a Raiders way to lose. (Cardinals 24, Raiders 23)
Butch: "If only Braylon Edwards had managed that straight a line Monday night." The bigger shock there was that he caught the ball in the first place. CONTINUING TREND: This is the third straight game the Jets have allowed a 100-yard receiver. (Jets 31, Dolphins 23)
It seems like it always plays out this way: The hype focuses on the matchup between two - to this point - prolific quarterbacks, and the game turns into a defensive struggle. Don't kick it to Devin Hester. Especially if you're going to kick it that badly. The Packers have got to get a running back - Brandon Jackson's not cutting it. It's kind of unbelievable how many points have been left on the field in this game - the holding penalty that took away the Finley touchdown, followed by the blocked field goal, then the Bears deciding to throw a pass on 4th and goal from the 1 instead of kicking a chip shot to tie the game. Again: DON'T KICK IT TO DEVIN HESTER. That was a reminder in case everyone forgot. Not from me, from him. Let's see how they react. Intercepted. No? Roughing the passer? And two minutes later it's a tie game. FUMBLE. Put that challenge flag away, McCarthy; you've got no shot at this one. That is definitely pass interference and led directly to the interception to boot. Now they've gotta get the ball back. This... is probably not optimal strategy. I feel like NFL teams should hire someone whose sole responsibility is clock management. Whether it's spending the week designing strategies or just being in a booth somewhere making decisions and recommending challenges on the fly. I mean, there are about three head coaches who aren't terrible at it and I don't even know who they are. Why kick it now? You didn't kick it the first time!? The last seven minutes for the Packers were an absolute horror show. The Bears are 3-0? (Bears 20, Packers 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL: Whiskey (0-3, L3): This is getting ridiculous. Chad Henne is off the street and in as starting quarterback.
JackSux 7 (1-2, W1): Yay! Had to hold off a late rally from Original Pulp Heroes, but I've finally won a game this year.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Car Crash Theater
Signal Finder: PHI @ DET, PIT @ TEN, NE @ NYJ
And now it's two straight weeks of teams Eagles fans never see. Let's see how this goes. Pass protection's going to be an issue this season, I can see it now. That was pretty good. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles can't cover tight ends. This Jahvid Best has some moves. Screen pass is right out of the Eagles' playbook. Yeah, he's gone. I knew he was good; I didn't realize he was that good. Vick's been running for his life back there so far - good thing he's good at it. And Vick gets away AGAIN. Touchdown! Still with the penalties? Disappointing. You know whose name I've barely heard today is Calvin Johnson, and that's part of why the Lions have given up 28 straight points. Still, there's finally talent on that side, though I'm not sold on the coaching quite yet. Yeah, I spoke too soon about CJ. Your hands got you onto this team, Riley Cooper! Don't let us down now! wipes brow Good thing this was Week 2 and not Week 12. ERNIE SIMS WINS. (Eagles 35, Lions 32)
CHICANERY RULES! Vince Young taking that double Rock Bottom was pretty wild. This is some ugly football. Ah jeez, now Dixon's hurt? Mark Malone's two phone calls away. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Where's Young? Benched? Kerry Collins? Oh, that went well. Someone tell him his career's over. That's your last play? Really? (Steelers 19, Titans 11)
The Bears are answering back well after the Cowboys go ahead. Didn't the Cowboys' defense have a three- or four-game stretch last season where they didn't force a single turnover? Jay: "Down by three, ball at the opponents' 38, and you're PUNTING?" Well, their kicker's not very good. You know who's been good today is Jay Cutler. How do the Cowboys have probably the three best running backs in their division and yet run the ball so poorly? I mean, Romo threw 51 passes. That's a recipe for disaster for anybody. Not that I'm not enjoying the Cowboys crumble under the weight of their own unrealistic expectations. (Bears 27, Cowboys 20)
This rivalry now is better than it was in the early 2000's because the Jets are actually capable of winning the game on the field now. You know who's still good is LaDanian Tomlinson. Better catch: Moss or Hester? I vote Moss's because he made it look so effortless. I guess the solution for Mark Sanchez is to just toss them up there like it's a volleyball. He was throwing some serious floaters and they were getting caught. This may not have happened if the Pats had kept Richard Seymour. (Jets 28, Patriots 14)
This is what I imagine Shanahan said to Kubiak at midfield afterwards: "Nice win. Don't ever steal my move again." (Texans 30, Redskins 27, OT)
I see this ending the same way the first one did. The Giants are sputtering. The Colts... aren't. The Giants' tackles are getting used and abused and Eli's paying the price. Oh, this is getting out of hand. What the... WHY IS THERE A HELMET IN THE CROWD?! I feel like they've gotta get it back. Hey, there's something. Now the Giants need a stop... and they get it. Let's see what happens now. Oh. Never mind then. Has anyone seen Brandon Jacobs since the helmet incident? OK, I was wrong. It didn't end the same way the first one did. This one was much, much worse. (Colts 38, Giants 14)
Safety! Um, isn't that why you pay Frank Gore? Oh man. Is anyone having a worse month than Reggie Bush? The 49ers are throwing away chances like the Vikings did in last year's NFC title game. And you see that? Three possessions later it's an eight-point game. Wait, they've got a shot at this, and they got down the field in no time, too. TOUCHDOWN. They'll go for two now, obviously. I don't think the ball's across the plane. Well, wait a minute... this latest shot shows that it probably is across, but I can't tell. WOW. As I've said before, that's why I don't have that job - I couldn't have overturned it. The downside is, they've left the Saints with entirely too much time. Way to get your head in the game, Shockey. It's GOOD! Did somebody get a piece of that? (Yes.) The best teams figure out ways to survive games like this. (Saints 25, 49ers 22)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa (0-2, L2): Here's all you need to know: Not only did my backup quarterback outscore Brett Favre, my backup quarterback is Ben Roethlisberger.
JackSux 7 (0-2, L2): Johnny had Best. You can guess the ending.
And now it's two straight weeks of teams Eagles fans never see. Let's see how this goes. Pass protection's going to be an issue this season, I can see it now. That was pretty good. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles can't cover tight ends. This Jahvid Best has some moves. Screen pass is right out of the Eagles' playbook. Yeah, he's gone. I knew he was good; I didn't realize he was that good. Vick's been running for his life back there so far - good thing he's good at it. And Vick gets away AGAIN. Touchdown! Still with the penalties? Disappointing. You know whose name I've barely heard today is Calvin Johnson, and that's part of why the Lions have given up 28 straight points. Still, there's finally talent on that side, though I'm not sold on the coaching quite yet. Yeah, I spoke too soon about CJ. Your hands got you onto this team, Riley Cooper! Don't let us down now! wipes brow Good thing this was Week 2 and not Week 12. ERNIE SIMS WINS. (Eagles 35, Lions 32)
CHICANERY RULES! Vince Young taking that double Rock Bottom was pretty wild. This is some ugly football. Ah jeez, now Dixon's hurt? Mark Malone's two phone calls away. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Where's Young? Benched? Kerry Collins? Oh, that went well. Someone tell him his career's over. That's your last play? Really? (Steelers 19, Titans 11)
The Bears are answering back well after the Cowboys go ahead. Didn't the Cowboys' defense have a three- or four-game stretch last season where they didn't force a single turnover? Jay: "Down by three, ball at the opponents' 38, and you're PUNTING?" Well, their kicker's not very good. You know who's been good today is Jay Cutler. How do the Cowboys have probably the three best running backs in their division and yet run the ball so poorly? I mean, Romo threw 51 passes. That's a recipe for disaster for anybody. Not that I'm not enjoying the Cowboys crumble under the weight of their own unrealistic expectations. (Bears 27, Cowboys 20)
This rivalry now is better than it was in the early 2000's because the Jets are actually capable of winning the game on the field now. You know who's still good is LaDanian Tomlinson. Better catch: Moss or Hester? I vote Moss's because he made it look so effortless. I guess the solution for Mark Sanchez is to just toss them up there like it's a volleyball. He was throwing some serious floaters and they were getting caught. This may not have happened if the Pats had kept Richard Seymour. (Jets 28, Patriots 14)
This is what I imagine Shanahan said to Kubiak at midfield afterwards: "Nice win. Don't ever steal my move again." (Texans 30, Redskins 27, OT)
I see this ending the same way the first one did. The Giants are sputtering. The Colts... aren't. The Giants' tackles are getting used and abused and Eli's paying the price. Oh, this is getting out of hand. What the... WHY IS THERE A HELMET IN THE CROWD?! I feel like they've gotta get it back. Hey, there's something. Now the Giants need a stop... and they get it. Let's see what happens now. Oh. Never mind then. Has anyone seen Brandon Jacobs since the helmet incident? OK, I was wrong. It didn't end the same way the first one did. This one was much, much worse. (Colts 38, Giants 14)
Safety! Um, isn't that why you pay Frank Gore? Oh man. Is anyone having a worse month than Reggie Bush? The 49ers are throwing away chances like the Vikings did in last year's NFC title game. And you see that? Three possessions later it's an eight-point game. Wait, they've got a shot at this, and they got down the field in no time, too. TOUCHDOWN. They'll go for two now, obviously. I don't think the ball's across the plane. Well, wait a minute... this latest shot shows that it probably is across, but I can't tell. WOW. As I've said before, that's why I don't have that job - I couldn't have overturned it. The downside is, they've left the Saints with entirely too much time. Way to get your head in the game, Shockey. It's GOOD! Did somebody get a piece of that? (Yes.) The best teams figure out ways to survive games like this. (Saints 25, 49ers 22)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa (0-2, L2): Here's all you need to know: Not only did my backup quarterback outscore Brett Favre, my backup quarterback is Ben Roethlisberger.
JackSux 7 (0-2, L2): Johnny had Best. You can guess the ending.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Rocks of Gibraltar
That was quick and possibly way too easy. Did somebody fall down there? What happened to the game? Oh, our cable and Internet are out. Let's go the highlights. The Vikings' receivers are struggling. Things just seem off. I mean, usually the defenses start out ahead of the offenses in preseason, but the gap's not usually this large by Week 1. Maybe it's the shorter week. This sure isn't last year. Not yet, anyway. (Saints 14, Vikings 9)
Signal Finder: CAR @ NYG, CIN @ NE, MIA @ BUF (end), GB @ PHI, AZ @ STL (end)
Arian Foster? Really? (More on him later.) I'm not sure if this represents a shift or not yet. Get back to me when the season's over. But even by itself, this was massive. (Texans 34, Colts 24)
It looks... pretty much the same. First observation: FOX's new score ticker is way too small.
Matt Moore, ladies and gentlemen... Matt Moore. Stay down, Grant. Stay down! That's a key reversal. Nice catch by Nicks. Did the Giants inherit the Steelers' kick-coverage units from last year? There's another big kickoff return by Carolina. That wasn't an easy throw by Moore so I'll give him credit for that. The Giants' punter is struggling. If I've told you once, Eli, I've told you a thousand times: You didn't get that contract with your feet. That sneak was about as bad as the one in the Eagles playoff game. Try covering The Original Steve Smith please. I mean, it's just not a good situation when your second-leading receiver is your third-string running back. Wait, do they really have a Scott Norwood jersey on display in the Legends Club? That is COLD. Seriously, it's like Jake Delhomme never left. (Giants 31, Panthers 18)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Buccaneers 17, Browns 14
Here's the worst thing about the blown call at the end of the Lions-Bears game: Even if you go by the rule they cited, Johnson had already completed the catch. The rule doesn't need to be changed, just applied properly, which it wasn't in this case. Poor Matthew Stafford. (Bears 19, Lions 14)
Hey, a Wes Welker sighting! *applauds respectfully* The Bengals have a good defense and the Patriots are cutting it up like it's nothing. Oh, it's starting to get ugly in all phases now. No on e was even close to tackling Guyton on that interception return. Well, Cincy's trying to make a game of it. I guess the Patriots scored again because I'm now watching Dolphins-Bills. (Patriots 38, Bengals 24)
Ah, same old Raiders. (Titans 38, Raiders 13)
Apparently Reid's calling the Packers' offensive plays also. I like these uniforms. You can actually tell they're green. These offenses look sluggish. Oh my God. Friends, the human knee is not meant to bend in that direction. I gotta go back to Napoleon McCallum to find one that bad. The Eagles' blitz pickups have been awful so far - Clay Matthews is wrecking people like Lawrence Taylor in his prime. Like... right there. Ouch. Are the Packers actually gonna try this? 56 yards! Props. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles giving up points just before the half. A concussion for Kolb? What, did they screw up the first diagnosis? Because I saw that hit and he went back out after they said it was his jaw. Ah, well. Let's see what Vick can do. That's a good start. Shame the Eagles have given up 20 unanswered points, which has also caused the running game to grind to a halt, along with Weaver's absence. Why's Brandon Jackson getting all this run? Not a good throw by Rodgers on the Allen interception. I'm tempted to think Reid should have waited until the five-minute mark to start using his time outs but it's not his worst clock-management performance ever. Well that was telegraphed. This result was expected. The path taken was disturbing. Dad: "WHO IS THE QB NEXT WEEK?" Me: "God only knows." (Packers 27, Eagles 20)
The fact that the Redskins are wearing the burgundy jerseys, which happens twice a year tops, makes this look even stranger than it already would have. I find it strange that NBC would choose to show us the first meeting between these teams last season... oh, wait, it's not? Are you sure? Bigger news than the idea that the Redskins don't have anyone who can cover Miles Austin is that the Cowboys don't seem to have anyone who can cover anyone - Santana Moss has been running wild out there. Well, as much as one can run wild in a 3-0 game. Why aren't they just taking a knee here? WHAT WAS THAT. Phillips, to Andrea Kremer: "You gotta just take a knee there." Aren't you the head coach? Can't you tell them to take a knee? On a related note, has anyone's coaching star fallen as far as fast as Jason Garrett's? I will say I'm enjoying Andre Gurode's Long-Awaited Revenge. OK, we've established that you don't have anyone who can cover Austin, but you could at least try. Wow, Roy caught a pass! A flag? HOLDING? Dear Lord that's fantastic. And just think, Doug Free was the Cowboys offensive lineman everyone was concerned about. (Redskins 13, Cowboys 7)
There's been a lot of this this weekend. We'll just wait a bit. Yep, still looks the same as it did yesterday. Most of the time, new/renovated football stadiums don't usually have the same "wow" factor on TV or in person like baseball stadiums do, probably because you can play around more in baseball with walls and field dimensions and architecture and all that. Nick Folk found work? I'm stunned. Wait, wasn't the field goal unit on just now? Did Cundiff miss another one? Ohhhhhh. The Jets ran into the kicker. And it was like fourth and 1 so it's a first down and Harbaugh took the points off the board. It would help Sanchez a lot more if Shonn Greene could hold on to the ball. We've got a defensive struggle on our hands, people, and we shouldn't be too surprised by that. What we should be surprised about is how bad the Jets' defense has been on third downs. It doesn't seem like Flacco's thrown 33 passes. Wait, what? Did Ray Lewis hit Dustin Keller so hard that he forgot how to count to ten? Ray Rice: "HBO is not going to win the Super Bowl." (Ravens 10, Jets 9)
How'd the Chiefs score this spot? The Jamaal Charles run shows you something they just didn't have last year. Remember last year when I was astounded by how slow the Chiefs were? With Charles, Arenas and McClusker in key skill/speed spots, that's not the case anymore. In the future, the Chargers might want to try kicking away from the kids. They look disjointed and Rivers is furious. Is this happening? Some horrible tackling on the big pass to Floyd. There were three Chiefs covering Gates on the final play. I think they miss Vincent Jackson. I also think it's September and things like this happens to the Chargers in September. (Chiefs 21, Chargers 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (0-1, L1): So, yeah... I left Arian Foster on my bench. And yet I was only down by seven going into the Monday night doubleheader. I'm not sure if that says more about my team or more about the Special Crocs. I ended up losing by 14.
JackSux 7 (0-1, L1): A good effort against Dupin. Just not good enough.
Signal Finder: CAR @ NYG, CIN @ NE, MIA @ BUF (end), GB @ PHI, AZ @ STL (end)
Arian Foster? Really? (More on him later.) I'm not sure if this represents a shift or not yet. Get back to me when the season's over. But even by itself, this was massive. (Texans 34, Colts 24)
It looks... pretty much the same. First observation: FOX's new score ticker is way too small.
Matt Moore, ladies and gentlemen... Matt Moore. Stay down, Grant. Stay down! That's a key reversal. Nice catch by Nicks. Did the Giants inherit the Steelers' kick-coverage units from last year? There's another big kickoff return by Carolina. That wasn't an easy throw by Moore so I'll give him credit for that. The Giants' punter is struggling. If I've told you once, Eli, I've told you a thousand times: You didn't get that contract with your feet. That sneak was about as bad as the one in the Eagles playoff game. Try covering The Original Steve Smith please. I mean, it's just not a good situation when your second-leading receiver is your third-string running back. Wait, do they really have a Scott Norwood jersey on display in the Legends Club? That is COLD. Seriously, it's like Jake Delhomme never left. (Giants 31, Panthers 18)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Buccaneers 17, Browns 14
Here's the worst thing about the blown call at the end of the Lions-Bears game: Even if you go by the rule they cited, Johnson had already completed the catch. The rule doesn't need to be changed, just applied properly, which it wasn't in this case. Poor Matthew Stafford. (Bears 19, Lions 14)
Hey, a Wes Welker sighting! *applauds respectfully* The Bengals have a good defense and the Patriots are cutting it up like it's nothing. Oh, it's starting to get ugly in all phases now. No on e was even close to tackling Guyton on that interception return. Well, Cincy's trying to make a game of it. I guess the Patriots scored again because I'm now watching Dolphins-Bills. (Patriots 38, Bengals 24)
Ah, same old Raiders. (Titans 38, Raiders 13)
Apparently Reid's calling the Packers' offensive plays also. I like these uniforms. You can actually tell they're green. These offenses look sluggish. Oh my God. Friends, the human knee is not meant to bend in that direction. I gotta go back to Napoleon McCallum to find one that bad. The Eagles' blitz pickups have been awful so far - Clay Matthews is wrecking people like Lawrence Taylor in his prime. Like... right there. Ouch. Are the Packers actually gonna try this? 56 yards! Props. CONTINUING TREND: The Eagles giving up points just before the half. A concussion for Kolb? What, did they screw up the first diagnosis? Because I saw that hit and he went back out after they said it was his jaw. Ah, well. Let's see what Vick can do. That's a good start. Shame the Eagles have given up 20 unanswered points, which has also caused the running game to grind to a halt, along with Weaver's absence. Why's Brandon Jackson getting all this run? Not a good throw by Rodgers on the Allen interception. I'm tempted to think Reid should have waited until the five-minute mark to start using his time outs but it's not his worst clock-management performance ever. Well that was telegraphed. This result was expected. The path taken was disturbing. Dad: "WHO IS THE QB NEXT WEEK?" Me: "God only knows." (Packers 27, Eagles 20)
The fact that the Redskins are wearing the burgundy jerseys, which happens twice a year tops, makes this look even stranger than it already would have. I find it strange that NBC would choose to show us the first meeting between these teams last season... oh, wait, it's not? Are you sure? Bigger news than the idea that the Redskins don't have anyone who can cover Miles Austin is that the Cowboys don't seem to have anyone who can cover anyone - Santana Moss has been running wild out there. Well, as much as one can run wild in a 3-0 game. Why aren't they just taking a knee here? WHAT WAS THAT. Phillips, to Andrea Kremer: "You gotta just take a knee there." Aren't you the head coach? Can't you tell them to take a knee? On a related note, has anyone's coaching star fallen as far as fast as Jason Garrett's? I will say I'm enjoying Andre Gurode's Long-Awaited Revenge. OK, we've established that you don't have anyone who can cover Austin, but you could at least try. Wow, Roy caught a pass! A flag? HOLDING? Dear Lord that's fantastic. And just think, Doug Free was the Cowboys offensive lineman everyone was concerned about. (Redskins 13, Cowboys 7)
There's been a lot of this this weekend. We'll just wait a bit. Yep, still looks the same as it did yesterday. Most of the time, new/renovated football stadiums don't usually have the same "wow" factor on TV or in person like baseball stadiums do, probably because you can play around more in baseball with walls and field dimensions and architecture and all that. Nick Folk found work? I'm stunned. Wait, wasn't the field goal unit on just now? Did Cundiff miss another one? Ohhhhhh. The Jets ran into the kicker. And it was like fourth and 1 so it's a first down and Harbaugh took the points off the board. It would help Sanchez a lot more if Shonn Greene could hold on to the ball. We've got a defensive struggle on our hands, people, and we shouldn't be too surprised by that. What we should be surprised about is how bad the Jets' defense has been on third downs. It doesn't seem like Flacco's thrown 33 passes. Wait, what? Did Ray Lewis hit Dustin Keller so hard that he forgot how to count to ten? Ray Rice: "HBO is not going to win the Super Bowl." (Ravens 10, Jets 9)
How'd the Chiefs score this spot? The Jamaal Charles run shows you something they just didn't have last year. Remember last year when I was astounded by how slow the Chiefs were? With Charles, Arenas and McClusker in key skill/speed spots, that's not the case anymore. In the future, the Chargers might want to try kicking away from the kids. They look disjointed and Rivers is furious. Is this happening? Some horrible tackling on the big pass to Floyd. There were three Chiefs covering Gates on the final play. I think they miss Vincent Jackson. I also think it's September and things like this happens to the Chargers in September. (Chiefs 21, Chargers 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa Whiskey (0-1, L1): So, yeah... I left Arian Foster on my bench. And yet I was only down by seven going into the Monday night doubleheader. I'm not sure if that says more about my team or more about the Special Crocs. I ended up losing by 14.
JackSux 7 (0-1, L1): A good effort against Dupin. Just not good enough.
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