By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Late Shows

Joe Theismann? Really, NFL Network? Really? All right, I suppose I'll suffer through this. The Falcons are eating the Ravens' defense alive with all this underneath stuff. Someone made a bad misread on the Snelling touchdown and I can't tell who. Maybe it was multiple someones. Does the Ravens' offense know there's a game tonight? Do they know where midfield is? Seriously, Matty Ice is carving them up. 20 of 28 passing in the first half? That's nuts. That interception's not going to help the Ravens' cause. That's more like it. You know whose name I haven't heard much tonight is Michael Turner. The Ravens should just not line Flacco up under center. They just shouldn't do it. He's been so much more effective from the shotgun tonight it isn't funny. Ravens lead! Or do they? Yeah, that's not getting overturned. That is pass interference. Touchdown! And all that after the announcers kept stressing that the Ravens couldn't let White get free. Well, he did push off but Wilson should probably have tried getting up and trying to run him down instead of yelling at the officials. Or, y'know, not let them go 62 yards down the field in 45 seconds. Just a thought. Don't run that kickoff out. Don't run it... OHHH! He'll live to regret that. (Falcons 26, Ravens 21)

Signal Finder: NYJ @ CLE, MIN @ CHI, DAL @ NYG, STL @ SF (about two minutes for the Jackson touchdown, then OT)

Greg Olsen caught a pass! Stop the presses! The Vikings are tackling like girls when they're not completely whiffing in kick coverage. Oh, great, a touchdown before the half. Just what this team's fragile state needs. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Gould makes that the overwhelming majority of the time. What did I JUST SAY, Brett. I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's time to start giving the Bears some real credit. I mean, they're 6-3 despite some real flaws, but their defense is playing back to form and Devin Hester is Devin Hester again. Stop kicking to him, by the way. You'd think the Vikings would know better. And there's Cutler doing his best Favre impression. What a waste of a perfectly good punt return that ended up being. Was that the same guy, even? I think it was. Is that one on Favre? Oh, yeah, the receiver fell down or something. That's close but I don't think it's getting overturned. I know we were just here last week with about this much time left, but that's hard to do two weeks in a row. Now Shiancoe falls down and another pass gets picked off? Are there tripwires in the grass at Soldier Field or something? Game, set, match. crosses off Vikings (Bears 27, Vikings 13)

Take heart, Lions: You're no longer putrid... just unlucky. (Bills 14, Lions 12)

Outsmarting ourselves already, Mangenius? Even now that LeBron's gone, it's still not safe for Braylon Edwards to go back to Cleveland. Does anyone throw out of the Wildcat anymore? I'm a bit stunned that the Browns can be so one-dimensional and are still hanging with the Jets here. Mangini's doing something right. On the other side, how many times has Sanchez escaped certain doom at the hands of the Browns' pass rush? Four? Five? Nick Folk, ladies and gentlemen... Nick Folk. Sanchez get away AGAIN! That was a big stop by the Browns, and this field goal's not a lock by any means. But Folk made that one. Is this where the legend of Colt McCoy begins? He just did that in, what, his fourth start, against what's supposed to be one of the league's best defenses with receivers that would struggle to make two-thirds of NFL rosters. OVERTIME. He's inbounds. What's #80 doing? Go for the ball, not a chop block! Nick Folk, ladies and gentlemen... Nick Folk. He's missed about 10 kicks today. Does anybody want to win this game? Haden would've been better off dropping that one — I think it's too much to ask of McCoy to do that again. We're going to have another tie. On the same weekend, in the same state, as the last one. OR NOT. Holmes does it again! You can see on the replay the corner and linebacker stop because they almost collide. So much for the Mangenius Revenge Road Tour. (Jets 26, Browns 20, OT)

KNOCK IT DOW— oops. And OF COURSE Gus Johnson got assigned to this game. (Jaguars 31, Texans 24)

All right, let's see how this goes. That... is a touchdown. No? Here comes the challenge flag. That's still a touchdown. Confirmed. Aaaaand the extra point gets blocked. Awful blocking there by the Cowboys as in addition to the actual block, Terrell Thomas was surging in free from the left side. The Cowboys seem to be throwing deep more often. Maybe it's just me. That happened in the Jacksonville game! And David Buehler barely makes it from 22 yards? Insert Winston Wolf quote here. Seriously, he may be the worst kicker in the NFL and I just watched Nick Folk miss 21 field goals in Cleveland. Now Mike Jenkins is out of the game (joining fellow CB Terence Newman) but I don't know how much of a loss that is with the season he's having. Am I the only one wondering why Jacobs isn't in down here at the goal line? Oh dear. Someone screwed up on that and... is this guy gonna take it back? Yeah, that's partially on Nicks, who stopped, and partially on Eli, who threw it anyway. The Giants could use a touchdown here but they're not going to get it. The Cowboys just blew up the Giants' defense with that screen to Felix.

Wait, why are we going to San Francisco? It's not that big of a blowout. The POWER went out? That's the best thing that's happened to the Giants all day. I forgot how good Steven Jackson is.

And we're back. This game isn't over by any means if the Giants score a touchdown. Like so. You know who's terrible is Orlando Scandrick. Oh, that's why Buck was pointing out the stadium scoreboard — FOX doesn't have any graphics. Can't they just put a camera on the clock or something and show it in a window? Strange. This game is not over by any means, and with nobody left in a bad Cowboys' secondary and the Giants unable to stop giving up big plays, we could get to the 50s. Graphics are back. Seriously, I'm not sure if Bryant and Austin are that good or the Giants' corners are that bad, but they've looked very ordinary all night. And yet they're still in this game... well, until that happened. Wow, Eli, Jon Kitna's supposed to throw that pick. Bob Costas, at halftime of the Sunday night game, asks the question we've all been asking the best way I can think to ask it: "If this group, even without Tony Romo, is good enough to do what it did today for Jason Garrett, why weren't they professional enough to do anything at all for Wade Phillips?" (Cowboys 33, Giants 20)

That is also pass interference and the same thing Tony Gonzalez did against the Ravens on Thursday (stop to adjust to the pass, causing the defender to run into you). Can we trade the NFC West for the Pac-10? (49ers 23, Rams 20, OT)

When did the Broncos turn into the '99 Rams? Todd Haley and Josh McDaniels don't like each other? Shocking. (Broncos 49, Chiefs 29)

Belichick's 22-2 record after losses is pretty sick. GRONK. That hit on Ward was... dicey. Is the Patriots' punter really named Zoltan Mesko? They're doing sort of what the Falcons did to the Ravens — lots of short passes, not taking any chances deep. The Steelers are really missing Ward out there, as the young kids don't seem very polished, especially in the red zone. They're also not getting the consistency in the running game that they'd probably like. GRONK. Did Nick Folk fear for his job, drive from Cleveland to Pittsburgh, and abduct Jeff Reed at halftime? Or is that the end of Heinz Field that screws every kicker up? I can never remember which side it is. This thing's turning into a barnburner. Look at Brady with the spike and the primal scream. The Steelers have come unglued. You hear so much about Patriots-Colts, Patriots-Jets and Steelers-Ravens that you forget these teams really don't like each other either. The Steelers just ran into a buzz saw tonight. (Patriots 39, Steelers 26)

Fisticuffs! You heard? Apparently this was sparked by LaRon Landry talking smack to DeSean Jackson about his concussion at the end of pregame warmups, so Jackson may have taken that pass pattern to the middle and past Landry on purpose. Did Gruden really predict that double reverse? What's going on up there? This is basically how the Redskins started the first game. Moss needs to catch that ball. Seriously, nobody throws out of the Wildcat anymore. I guess the Eagles decided it was McCoy's turn. Are you kidding me? As an aside, I'd like to predict that this new running back the Redskins have breaks off a 100-yard game at some point during the season. JEROME HARRISON LIVES! This is absolute carnage. Maclin's turn? OK. Yeah, he's in if they say he hit the pylon before rolling out of bounds. So much for the shutout. Davis almost stumbled running down the sideline. I'm not sure it's wise for Stewart Bradley to basically come out and say, "We can't stop that play." Donovan's having flashbacks to the NFC title game loss to the Panthers. Are Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly still on the roster? I mean, the Redskins' second and third receivers are 206-year-old Joey Galloway and a 27-year-old rookie from the Arena League (who, to his credit, has had his moments as a Nate Washington-esque deep threat). They need to get the Banks kid they've got on return duty into their passing game; see what he can do. If I remember right, Gruden's Bucs were one of the few teams that had success slowing down Vick. Let's go easy on Donovan. He doesn't play defense. Of course, I'm not sure who on the Redskins does. Oh, look, Albert Haynesworth is flopping around on the ground like a beached whale. That's never happened before. Vick takes another one himself. Could they get to 70? Oh, a field goal? I love how everyone's getting involved. The Redskins got two first downs on a drive! I wonder what the D.C. equivalent of the Bronx cheer is. I also wonder if the Eagles are on the sideline checking to see who hasn't scored yet. Well it's high time the defense joined the party. Don't know why the Redskins are bothering to challenge this, and not even because they're probably going to lose... there's just no point. What this really is on the Redskins' side is seven years of terrible personnel decisions all coming home to roost in one night. For Vick, this performance is everything people hoped and wished he could become, and, for obvious reasons, no one ever thought we'd see anything close to this. Probably time to get the principals out of there for the evening... it's raining pretty steadily now and you don't want anyone getting hurt. Mark Rypien backed up Peyton Manning? When? Oh, now you don't put Rex Grossman in? Whatever. (Eagles 59, Redskins 28)

FANTASY REPORT

aPa Whiskey (4-6, L1): Lost to Dave, who became the first to clinch a playoff spot. Even so, I'm in a three-way tie for eighth (but out of the playoffs at the moment) and facing a fellow 4-6 team next week.

JackSux 7 (4-6, W1): It's good to have Tom Brady. He led the way as I beat the crap out of Russ (after winning our first meeting by only eight points) to stay in contention.

RANKINGS

TOP 4:

1. New England (7-2) — Got Jeff Reed fired
2. N.Y. Jets (7-2) — This is really close. Plus they beat the Pats
3. Pittsburgh (6-3) — Patriots + home game = bad times
4. (tie) Atlanta (7-2) — Even though they've lost to...
4. (tie) Philadelphia (6-3) — Seriously, did you see what they did Monday night?

BOTTOM 4:

29. Dallas (2-7) — Well, it's... something
30. Buffalo (1-8) — This may be as good as it gets
31. Cincinnati (2-7) — It'll all be over soon
32. Carolina (1-8) — Now that I think about it... based on the last two years, would you hire John Fox?

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Home Invaders

Signal Finder: PIT @ BAL, CAR @ NO, DEN @ TEN (end), WSH @ PHI

First the Texans, then the Jaguars? Maybe the Colts aren't immune. (Jaguars 31, Colts 28)

This'll be fun if you're turned on by BLOOD HATRED. "Well before the pass was thrown..." ACTING! Mason got all kinds of crossed up on the Taylor interception. Reed missed again?? If I hadn't just seen Garrett Hartley on the Saints' sideline just now, I'd think the Ravens pulled off a double kidnapping. Fabian Washington bailing out on an interception because Haloti Ngata was barreling toward him was pretty funny. That's the second third down Pittsburgh's converted on this drive. He's getting in. Yep. This is a very important drive for Flacco here. He's really working that left side for some reason, and that reason is that that side's where the completions are. Go for it on fourth down? Sure. Wow, that had zero chance of working. Let's see if the Ravens can get a stop this time. Oh, that's a huge penalty. I stand corrected... this is a very important drive for Flacco here. It's also a fair bit easier than the last one. There's no need to force anything with the short distance they have to go. TOUCHDOWN! I still don't get why they brought T.J. in but they're sure glad they did. Man, that Ray Lewis is everywhere. (Ravens 17, Steelers 14)

PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Division games are always back-and-forth, whether through sludge or jet streams. I can't really tell if the Saints are keeping Carolina in this or if the Panthers are just giving them all they've got, because "all they've got" isn't a whole lot. I mean, their two longest plays have been a big run by Williams and the flip to Stewart. That is a fumble and John Fox is about to lose this challenge. Oh dear. If Steve Smith 1.0 can't come back and the Saints go ahead, this game's over. And the Saints have gone ahead. Yeah, that's about right. (Saints 16, Panthers 14)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-5: A Bears offensive lineman; 6. Nate Clements; 7. Jeff Reed

Hey, I like Kyle Orton too, but he does not need to be throwing 50 passes in a game. Did that guy just jump to field a kickoff? That's... sub optimal. (Broncos 26, Titans 20)

Again, the burgundy uniforms just add to the surrealness of all this. What's that? A standing ovation? Good on ya, fellow Philly fans. also stands and claps Can we stop that guy running back the punt, whoever he is? Ryan Torain's one of about 42 running backs Shanahan had in Denver near the end, and the Eagles have never been able to stop Portis. This started badly and hasn't gotten any better — it's like the wrong team has been affected by all the hype. Seriously, my kingdom for someone in an Eagles uniform who can cover a tight end. Some points here would be nice. Ouch! I don't know what gets hurt when you get sandwiched like that but that looks painful. So now we end up with McNabb vs. Kolb after all? Crazy. This review has taken five minutes. This is ridiculous. DELAY OF GAME? Dear Lord. (This actually didn't matter because the Eagles played so badly they wouldn't have gotten the touchdown anyway. Plus, the way Reid addressed it on Monday makes it sound like it wasn't actually his fault.) This game suddenly got ponderous. Have the Eagles been triple-teaming Santana Moss or something? I think he's caught one pass and nobody else on the outside is any kind of threat. Kolb seems to have adopted the Trent Edwards strategy of going through his progressions in reverse — has he tried a pass longer than 10 yards? These stats are truly nutty — McCoy has nine catches; nobody else has three. Nice save by Justice on the fumble. Kolb's stat line's going to be really deceiving given how poorly he's played. I mean, I don't want to write the kid off after five quarters, but those were five really bad quarters. Which could all be forgotten if he pulls this one off— GAHHH! That ball needs to be caught. (Redskins 17, Eagles 12)

Good news, Chargers: September's over. Matt Leinart's watching these highlights thinking to himself, "I could've done THAT." (Chargers 41, Cardinals 10)

CONTUNING TREND: The Bears' offensive line still stinks. Also, we all forgot how good the Giants' defensive line is when everybody's on point. Todd Collins is still alive? And who's this other guy? (Giants 17, Bears 3)

Miami's not been kind to Brady historically. Clearly, special teams was the solution all along. Nothing like a half-opening kickoff return to completely deflate a crowd. Now they're just piling on. Henne's stat line looks good but he's made some bad throws, especially in the second half. You know what we haven't seen at all? The Wildcat. Has Moss really not caught a pass? EVERYBODY PAT CHUNG TONIGHT. I'm sorry. It was unavoidable. (Patriots 41, Dolphins 14)

FANTASY REPORT

aPa Whiskey (1-3, W1): Arian Foster not starting gave me a scare. Then he came back in and everything was all right.

JackSux 7 (1-3, L1): Eh.

And now it's time for...

RANKINGS!

TOP 4:

1. N.Y. Jets (3-1) - Sanchez starting to play to strengths
2. Baltimore (3-1) - Veterans helping prop up Flacco
3. Houston (3-1) - Newfound running game makes them even more dangerous
4. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Running and defense; the formula is back

BOTTOM 4:

29. Carolina (0-4) - Probably should have gone with Clausen from the jump
30. Oakland (1-3) - At least McFadden's having a good year
31. San Francisco (0-4) - A real head-scratcher
32. Buffalo (0-4) - Same old, same old

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Listening to: Lostprophets - We Still Kill The Old Way
via FoxyTunes

Wings on Fire

So I'm sitting in the office Sunday night puttering along as usual when the call comes.

Donovan McNabb's been traded?

To the Washington Redskins?

A division rival?

Really?

REALLY?!?!?!

Never has one decision thrown every aspect of my life into complete chaos.

Right now, it qualifies as the second-worst personnel decision the Eagles have ever made. (The first, of course, was letting Reggie White - arguably the greatest Eagle ever - leave in free agency for no good reason and getting nothing in return.) Green Bay traded Brett Favre to the Jets. San Francisco traded Joe Montana to Kansas City. The Oilers traded Warren Moon to Minnesota. You know what all of those teams have in common? They don't play each other twice a year.

You don't - DO NOT - trade such an important player - especially a top-10 quarterback - to a team that can hurt you as badly as the Redskins can now hurt the Eagles.

The trade itself was only a mild shock. With all three of their quarterbacks in the final year of their respective contracts (an unusually egregious oversight by the Eagles' front office), the situation had to be settled. They couldn't risk going into the 2010-11 offseason not knowing what they had in Kolb and not knowing if McNabb would want to return. So something had to be done.

But to the Redskins? With the division's best defense and finally a head coach and GM who know what they're doing? And that's the most you get in return? Jay Cutler can't lace McNabb's cleats and the Broncos got two first-round picks from the Bears for him. McNabb's only worth a 2 and a conditional 3? And if the Raiders did offer their second-rounder and Nnamdi Asomugah - only one of the league's five best cornerbacks - then it wasn't even the best offer the Eagles got.

Are the Eagles a better team now than they were a week ago? Not one reasonably intelligent football fan would say "yes."

I still remember the uproar when the Eagles were considering taking McNabb in 1999. I remember the chorus of boos that rained down from the Theatre at Madison Square Garden when the pick was announced. I remember McNabb looking completely unfazed by it all. I remember some so-called "experts" claiming that it was a bad decision. But the truth then - and even more so now - is that your football team will never be successful without a good quarterback. Ask any Cleveland Browns fan.

Andy Reid knew that. That's why he drafted McNabb and didn't draft Ricky Williams, and didn't trade out of the No. 2 spot in the draft and risk not getting the quarterback he needed. Oh, and by the way, not only did Williams never live up to his potential, but three of the other four quarterbacks drafted in the first round that year never got a second contract, including the ones drafted right before (Tim Couch) and after (Akili Smith) McNabb.

Is Kevin Kolb a big-time quarterback? Can he be? The truth is, we don't know. Sure he's the only quarterback in history to throw for over 300 yards in his first two starts, but let's not forget that: in the first start he also threw three interceptions and the Eagles lost by 26 points; and the second start was against the Chiefs, one of the three worst teams in the NFL last season.

And while we're here, let's get something else straight: The Aaron Rodgers comparison only succeed to a certain point. People forget this, but Aaron Rodgers was being talked about as going No. 1 overall in the draft in 2005. Kevin Kolb was on no one's radar.

As far as McNabb, sure, the biggest strike against him is that he "can't win the big game." But let's look at those big games again. The Rams and Patriots were better teams. The Cowboys were a bad matchup across the board last season. The entire team played terribly against the Panthers (that was the game where the Eagles' WRs dropped about 10 passes and was the impetus to go get Terrell Owens) and the defense cost them the game against the Cardinals after McNabb had led them back from a defense-caused deficit. The only one of those losses you can realistically blame McNabb and only McNabb for is the Vet finale against the Buccaneers, and Ronde Barber owned McNabb his whole career, not unlike how Ty Law owned Peyton Manning when Law was with the Patriots.

Admittedly, McNabb tended to underthrow receivers and seemed a little over-sensitive to criticism at times. And some of that criticism was deserved. But a lot of the criticism - much of it from uninformed corners such as Rush Limbaugh, Bernard Hopkins and the president of the Philadelphia NAACP - was specious at best and flat-out inaccurate at worst.

And now some of those same people, along with the segment of idiot "fans" who give Philadelphia sports fans worldwide a bad name, are glad he's gone. You all know who you are, too. You booed him at the draft, were ready to dump him after he'd gotten the Eagles to three straight conference title games, took Terrell Owens' side when he turned against him, and conveniently forgot that Rodney Peete, Ty Detmer and the immortal Bobby Hoying had been taking regular snaps from center in the three years prior to McNabb's arrival. He was the best and most successful quarterback in that franchise's otherwise miserable history and you never accepted him. I hope you morons are happy.

I'm willing to give Kolb a chance. But this had better work. Because right now, it looks like a bad move. And if 54 weeks from now, Roger Goodell is standing at the podium in the Theatre at Madison Square Garden saying, "With the first pick in the 2011 NFL Draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select Jake Locker, quarterback, University of Washington," then it's an absolute disaster.