Sunday, November 17, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Salvage Ops


Then a game-ending safety in overtime. That's the most Bengals way to lose ever. (Dolphins 22, Bengals 20, OT)

Signal Finder: SD @ WAS, PHI @ OAK, PIT @ NE

As well as things had been going for the Saints up until this game, what's gotten lost is that Marques Colston, who sat today out, has not had a good season.It's weird to say that Brees threw for 382 yards and was somehow held in check. A reverse to a tight end on 4th and short? The Saints on the road, man...

(Jets 26, Saints 20)

All that and it gets blocked. That's unfortunate. The Redskins have been getting owned on special teams so far — that and two punts downed at the 1. Wait, what? Touchdown! The deflection hit another Charger in the back. Then the Redskins almost fumble the ensuing kickoff? This'll end badly. Now we got a Rivers interception and a donnybrook and flags all over the place.


Rivers has had to survive his pocket breaking down a few times already. I just saw the worst offensive pass interference call ever. Oh my goodness.

Isn't Griffin tall enough to avoid getting his throws deflected like that? I'm not sure why Fouts is advocating they run out the clock if they think they can move the ball and get into field goal position. Of course it has to work... ANOTHER block? Somebody needs to get fired. That's a fantastic catch by Garcon and the worst defensive pass interference ever. Was he in? That's close. Nope, he didn't quite make it. If at first you don't succeed...That's how you finish off a nine-minute drive. Take note, yourselves. Keenan Allen may have just dropped a touchdown. WOLFPACK CIVIL WAR. Dude made a flying leap to pick that one. Hey, this kick didn't get blocked! PROGRESS. Shanahan challenging this Woodhead play and he might have a case here — the ball's definitely coming out. Or not. And the Chargers end up in the end zone. Not sure why the Redskins are setting up for an onside kick here... there's plenty of time for the Chargers to get the ball back. Why not run the ball here, Chargers? Still enough time. Hey Redskins? NICE COVERAGE. There was no one within five yards of Allen. Kid is clowning these fools right now. Rivers on the run is a hilarious sight. They gave Woodhead that touchdown? I don't think he made it. He sure didn't. What's with this play calling? Terrible. Two bad passes by Rivers and the Chargers have to kick it. Overtime! The Redskins are running down the field. That's not a penalty either.




By the same token, the Chargers' play calling cost them this game. (Redskins 30, Chargers 24, OT)


Between this and the Redskins game, the NFC East averted disaster this week. (Cowboys 27, Vikings 23)


Maybe they should move to Candlestick. Eagles defer the kickoff, which is probably the right choice. RAIDERS PENALTIES. Eagle bring the blitz and no one's left in coverage. Wait... did you guys see that? Did you see what just happened? Trent Cole got a sack! Then the Eagles run into the punter and give up a first down. Why is Kurt Coleman still in the league? Also, former special teams coach Bobby April is in this building. Good job by Nate Allen to run down Pryor after that prolonged rollout, and I mean that. Holy crap, Cooper showing off the wheels again. Is it just me or is the offense running at its optimal speed for the first time in a few weeks? Touchdown and it'll stand. Foles looked good. Holy crap Rod Streater. Allen holding on to his jersey for about 15 yards is the only thing that saved them there. And Cary Williams gets bailed out by holding on the Raiders offensive line. You don't really need to hold Brandon Graham, my man. Has Pryor stayed in the pocket once yet?




John Madden in the house! And a Bryce Brown sighting! And he went up the middle! Truly a stunning development. Whoa, from here that looked like Cooper wasn't inbounds but it turns out he got it. Nice throw by Foles. Earl Wolff could have killed Pryor there. DeSean should return punts forever. He shouldn't do that, though. D.J. Hayden is getting used and abused.

And bear in mind that man watched last year's Eagles. Terrelle Pryor is really fast, guys. The Eagles were looking out of sorts until DeSean got free for the first down. The pace of this game, though. Celek should have been stopped before he got the first down and he got 15 more yards. Ertz! That's his first one, right? Running into the kicker? Hmmm. 4th and 1 now... does Chip roll the dice and go for it? I thought he might try it Well, if anyone can be drawn offsides in this spot, it's the Raiders. Boykin tripped himself out of a touchdown maybe. So they called that a backward pass? Sure. That's... not roughing the passer. Put it on the board! This is madness. That's the second Raiders defensive back to fall down and give up a touchdown. Hey, they finally stopped Cooper! I guess they gotta use that torch for something. Gruden lit it a couple years ago, which seems really strange. Why are the Raiders running the ball down 29 points? That's an amazing throw by Foles and Hayden actually covered Jackson pretty well this time. Cooper AGAIN. He can't be stopped OR contained.

The Raiders aren't this bad. Right? That almost-fumble by Pryor makes me realize that we haven't had any turnovers yet. THE VERY NEXT PLAY. That was tipped and should have been caught. Pryor hesitated and was lost. Is Foles going back out there to try to get the record? Who owns a Jim McMahon Eagles jersey? Besides that guy, obviously. Another deflection leads to another pick. They pulled Foles? BOOOOOO. Pryor walking off also means that we're getting a MATT McGLOIN sighting soon. And there that is. Amazing he's on an NFL roster and a tribute to Bill O'Brien, who turned him into a Division I quarterback.

EVER. (Eagles 49, Raiders 20)

Gronk is a giant. Polamalu jumped offside. That guy didn't get in — they better review this. Good reversal. Wow, the Steelers stopped them. Nice work. And then Ben is pressured, throws a crappy pass and it gets intercepted. And Amendola scores immediately. Where's the coverage? I turn back and the Steelers somehow have a 3rd and 30 and almost pick it up. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? They're going for it. And they didn't get it. That's a hell of a spot. I didn't think he was close. Simms: "I'm a pretty conservative guy when it comes to these fourth down decisions..." YOU DON'T SAY. The Pats made up for the last one by stopping this one. BALANCE! Why does LeGarrette Blount return kickoffs? He's not fast at all. The Steelers' secondary is getting torn apart. This is ridiculous. Antonio Brown got free and kept the Steelers in this game for the immediate future. Of course, now Brady's going back to work. You can set your watch by it. Steelers needed that turnover. They didn't need that sack. Nice recovery! Bell is the Steelers' best player. Cotchery again! Seriously, is it 2008? Foxborough-area barns are on fire right now. Can I state again how horrible the Steelers' secondary has been today? It's like they can't see these guys. Why'd the Steelers cut Mesko? Especially before this game? Brady's gone into MurderDeathKill mode and is making this defense look older than it already is (and it already looked old) This was historically bad. I mean really. Look it up. (Patriots 55, Steelers 31)


This line (Colts by 2) is WAY too low. That is EXACTLY what the Texans needed. Apparently we're not going to cover receivers tonight. Nope, still not bothering.

How many blocked field goals have there been today? And a return on top of it! Watt got that one, too? McAfee getting that punt off after all that may be the most impressive thing that happens tonight. And the re-kick was almost blocked! Flag? Anyone? Good job, Al, for pointing that out. CASE KEENUM HAS BROUGHT ANDRE JOHNSON BACK FROM THE DEAD. Whoa! I recognize those horns!



Was that HUGE cheer for Bush 41? Is he on screen? The Texans are as jacked as the Colts were against the Broncos. The Colts aren't helping themselves with all of these drops. How is that not a fumble? Pagano should have challenged that. Well that kick wasn't even close. Yeah, that's interference — Jackson pulled him down. This is the best chance the Colts have had all night but they cannot protect Luck. Sure, kick the field goal, why not. That's ALSO a fumble and it should stand. I mean, I can't overturn it, if that's what you're asking. Oh WOW.


The Colts are stunned. That's two fumbles they probably should have gotten. Johnson just dropped a third touchdown. This kid runs, too?! And there's Johnson again with a makeup catch — the defender mistimed his jump.

What the... what? They're taking Gary Kubiak off on a stretcher? Good Lord. Hope he's all right, especially on the heels of the John Fox news from the weekend. You know who's not having a good game is Andrew Luck. The Colts' two biggest plays have been Texans penalties and Houston's defensive front is destroying everything in its path. Hilton lost his shoe and gained a touchdown. Nice grab by DeAndre Hopkins.

MISDIRECTION. Keenum's all "Oh, look! Green for days!" Does Ben Tate always run only to the right side? The Texans should probably invest in a kicker. THE HILTON IS OPEN FOR CHECK-IN. (Did I do that right?) Challenge this, Chuck. CHALLENGE IT. There you go. Well, looking at it, it's a catch. But you still have to challenge it. What is going ON down there?!?! The officiating has been brutal tonight. Finally, Luck's getting time. Colts take the lead! Then Luck throws into double coverage and Fleener somehow comes down with it for the two-point conversion. All right, now what? This is just inexperience here. Oh God... they're asking this guy to make a 55-yarder when he's already missed two tonight?


Not even close. Told you that line was too low. (Colts 27, Texans 24)

Ah, the classics. Rodgers took a hard hit on that sack. Why would you try to fake a reverse to somebody besides Devin Hester? Rodgers is going into the locker room? Can Matt Flynn be signed and activated by halftime? The Packers' current backup is Seneca Wallace, and that was a long road just to get to that point. And if Rodgers can't go, this becomes a lot more interesting.

Marshall just dropped a touchdown. He caught that one, though.

Julius Peppers may be slowing down but he can still do some things. Terrible throw by Wallace, though — Peppers was right in front of him. SPECIAL TEAMS. Did Conte just not feel like tackling Starks there? When did Martellus Bennett stop sucking? That was too close. Forte! Fantasy points for me! Get out of there, McCown. Which one are you, even? Josh, right? Michael Bush may be the best backup running back in the league. Tim Jennings isn't bringing down Eddie Lacy by himself. Good Lord that hole was massive.
ONSIDE KICK. That may be the Packers' best shot now because Wallace has looked like a guy who hasn't played in two years. It should be noted that the Bears are so thin on their defensive line, they signed Jay Ratliff, who was cut by the equally DL-deficient Cowboys and is currently injured.

DON'T EVEN JOKE. Josh McCown is tearing things up. What world is this? I mean, if you're the Bears, don't you have to cover Nelson to the exclusion of everything else right now? Getting conflicting reports on Rodgers — some say separated shoulder, some aren't saying anything. Fourth and 1, 7:50 left, the Bears have a decision to make. They're going for it! Or at least they're not punting. Don't get fancy! Whew, Forte made it. Marshall's dropped a few tonight. And now they've chewed up five minutes of clock. Why hasn't McCarthy called time out yet? Ah, there it is. Bears up seven now. Homeboy just did the robot after a sack. What happens if something happens to Wallace? (Bears 27, Packers 20)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (9-0):

2. Denver (7-1): Wait and see
3. Seattle (8-1): Did you really think the Bucs were going to pick them off in their building?
4. San Francisco (6-2): Beware

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (2-6): It's BAD, folks
30. Minnesota (1-7): On the receiving end of a Romo
31. Tampa Bay (0-8): You were waiting for them to screw it up
32. Jacksonville (0-8): Would L.A. even want this franchise?

Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Saturday, November 9, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: 60-Day Warranties


(Panthers 31, Buccaneers 13)

Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, DAL @ DET (end), PIT @ OAK, WAS @ DEN

I'm not sure whose fault that was... Celek turned in the opposite direction from the ball. Don't do it, Chip... the ball didn't touch him. Vick hasn't looked good so far. Hey, a James Casey sighting! The offensive line hasn't looked much better — Vick's been getting hit on almost every play.

Wait, what?


How did that work? Oh, right, Cary Williams in coverage. I've been hearing all week about how much better this defense has been playing. What happened to that? Eli's been putting too much on these throws into the end zone — that's two guys he's led out of bounds. Illegal snap? That's a thing?

Yes, running the ball is probably the best idea at this point. Get SOMETHING established. This isn't working. As bad as the Giants are, Barkley could probably win this game. I have to think that Cruz is probably the most hated Giant by Eagles fans right now. This game is flying by. That went through the uprights? Oh, it was high and went over it. Well, with Barkley in, the "bizarre Eagles-Giants game" trope is now officially in play. And he drops the first snap and still completes the pass! Two in a row! I'll remind everyone again that Barkley got across midfield the same number of times as Foles did last week.
Now THAT'S pass interference. Giants hurting themselves with penalties on this drive, which will only help the kid. I am kind of surprised that Barkley's throwing this much already, two-minute drill aside. And that's why I was worried about that. That's not getting overturned.

That's on Chip. Run the ball. Halftime and it could be much, much worse. There's McCoy's best run of the day. This is more like it. Was there nobody open on that sack Barkley took? Not sure how I feel about that one. The Eagles are going to need a takeaway here.


This offense has completely shut down. If the Giants were any good they'd be up by 30. Eli moving everybody around like he's coaching eight-year-olds. See, here's a perfect example of why Chip's ideal pace should be universal: How may delay of game penalties have the Eagles had this year? Josh Brown is definitely loose. I mean, this offense has been awful all game long but you can't punt here. Can you?

What... what just happened? The Eagles just recovered a bad snap on that punt and got a touchdown! Now what? Do you dare onside kick this? This would be the most Eagles-Giants game ever if the Eagles somehow pulled this out after that display. Chip clearly doesn't trust this offense and it's hard for me to blame him. Still, I don't think I would have done that. This is probably the worst game Chip's ever coached. Also, these teams are bad. (Giants 15, Eagles 7)



Did Stafford think Sean Lee was his teammate on that second pick? Dez's mouth pissed Megatron off. Then Romo's play pissed Dez off and he decided to win this game by himself. (As he should've. Romo was playing terribly before that explosion and the one Witten had on the previous drive that NO ONE commented on. We would learn a couple of days later that Dez wasn't really angry, but trying to exhort his teammates to... something? Which means we may have wasted an entire week talking about this. Also, I like my hypothesis better.)

Really, Stockton? Under 50 percent is 'lights out?' Barkley did better than that. Pettigrew almost had that. Gotta go to Calvin here, right? Double-teamed or not? Lot of Cowboys fans in the house. The Lions literally gave this game away. Haha the Cowboys committed offensive holding to stop the clock. It's 18, not 81! Oh look, Scandrick got beaten in coverage again. THAT'S never happened before. Johnson to the 1. A SNEAK. TOUCHDOWN LIONS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Here's the other thing Stafford doing what he did does: Because it was ruled a touchdown, it's automatically reviewed, thereby stopping the clock. So even if they'd overturned the ruling, they could have run another play.





The Lions gave the Cowboys this game several times but the Cowboys refused to take it. That's why, even though they're going to win the NFC East, they're going to get smashed by whoever they face in the playoffs. (Lions 31, Cowboys 30)

What did I miss? Pryor ran 93 YARDS?!?!?! Is that a record or something? (Turns out it was.) That's a bad overthrow. I keep forgetting Polamalu's still playing and I feel like that's a bad thing. The Raiders' kick returners are struggling. Jacoby Ford knows better, doesn't he? They got lucky to get that back. The Steelers have looked like crap so far and it kind of reminds me of the opener against the Titans. Shaun Suisham's doing Shaun Suisham things. The Raiders aren't good, but they're not as bad as they were supposed to be. Hey, a Darren McFadden sighting! God, Suisham SUCKS. There's been a lot of bad quarterbacking and bad pass protection in this second half. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Ben's trying to lead the Steelers back but getting sacked for the fifth time will not help matters. THEN he gets picked off on a throw while he was being sacked but the guy who got it was called for holding. And Bell soars into the end zone. What the hell was that and who the hell called it?!?! That was supposed to be a wide receiver pass? OK. That's some desperation right there. Here comes the onside kick... and the Raiders get it. Why are they reviewing this? McFadden got it back and the yardage didn't change. That didn't make sense. I'd have let that go if I was Antonio Brown. crosses off Steelers (Raiders 21, Steelers 18)


So Peyton's got two bad wheels. Good thing he makes his money with his arm. Like so. Also the Redskins are bad defensively. Garcon makes that great catch and then they can't get half a yard. I guess they're not that good offensively either. DeAngelo Hall was basically humping Demaryius Thomas and Peyton still completed that pass. This is moving considerably slower than I expected, at least so far. Something will break soon, I'm sure. Wait, what happened? 12 men on the field? And the Redskins capitalize. This game hasn't been anywhere near what anyone expected. Aw man, how do you call a hold on Peyton there? He's doing all he can do.  That's a turnover, by the way.

Whoa. Redskins just took the lead. And Peyton just threw a pick-six to Hall. Thomas fell down and what is going on here. The Broncos look baffled right now and I can't blame them — I'm baffled too. Only 21-7 into the third quarter isn't the game anyone was expecting. Demariyus ran into his own man or he would have scored. Montee Ball just moved a pile of about eight guys. Vickerson's the guy who caused Luck to flop last week — good job by Fox pulling him off the field after that one. You just can't do it. I doubt Aikman got paid for that Super Bowl XXII security gig. insert NCAA rant here The Broncos' receivers are begging for flags like they're the Giants. Going for it on fourth down again? Sure, why not. And we're tied. (And you shouldn't be surprised.) One thing I've seen the last two weeks is Griffin has been off badly on his deep throws. Nice punt. Moreno ran right through the Redskins "defense". Von Miller lives! A touchdown here would have been a dagger. Of course, now the Redskins can't block anyone. The Broncos are using 12 running backs in a game like Shanahan used to. Bad throw, Peyton. But did the Redskins give it right back? They sure did — Garcon fell down like Thomas did earlier. And that's that dagger we were looking for. Another interception? Well OK then. Griffin got crushed again on that one. 15 knockdowns? Jebus. Uh-oh. Cousins is in. Uh-oh. That's a pick-6. Shut it down!

(Broncos 45, Redskins 21)

(Bengals 49, Jets 9)




That Rodgers pass to Nelson just shouldn't be allowed. You understand what a high level the top guys are at when you see throws like that.


You think Greg Jennings regrets his decision? Still, this is already a better game plan than the Vikings had Monday night. Look at Kyle Rudolph elevating. Get those hands up! The Wildcat? Does Frazier think it's 2009? JORDY. PUNT RETURNS. This could get out of hand in a hurry. That pass interference on Williams was... questionable. Still, new life for the Vikings, I suppose. A run? That's some grapefruits but no other back in the league makes that work. The Packers are grinding here. They've been killing it on third downs tonight. Heads-up play by Boykin to know he wasn't touched and get up and dive for the first down. Rodgers is doing this with a bunch of dudes named Myles White and Andrew Quarless. Yeah, I don't know, either. That graphic is amazing: 50 of 53 guys on the roster now were only ever Packers. The Colts had something like that in their Super Bowl year. So, this game doesn't matter anymore. Toby Gerhardt's still alive? Travon Williams just tried to okie-doke Patterson. No one was fooled. Ponder just ran for a touchdown. Joey Browner was a boss. Never forget. The VIkings' D could have used him tonight but that's neither here nor there.

(Packers 44, Vikings 31)


Gruden sings the hits? Well, Clemens survived the opening drive. I'm surprised the Rams have been able to move the ball a couple times. Until that happened. Bruce Irvin in coverage? That's just embarrassing. Crowd cheers Matt Holliday's game-tying home run a few blocks down Broadway. Another interception? And why have the Seahawks not scored yet?

THREE flags on one play, Rams? The Raiders tip their spiked cap. Wow, who else thought Wilson was going to make that one? There you go. Clemens is having problems. I'll say this: This Quinn guy Gruden's been trying to sing about all night is GOOD. I mean, if you like pass rushers, you need to be watching this game. Some really good ones here. That's why it's 7-3 at the half. I mean, Wilson just avoided taking a safety there. Who had Zac Stacy ballin' out tonight? Why is Clemens jawing with Sherman? That's a battle you'll almost always lose. OH HE JUST GOT OWNED. Come on, guys, go for it. What have you got to lose besides another game? WOW. How did Jenkins not pick that off? And how did Tate catch it? And what was that foolishness afterwards? He almost went out of bounds! Why is this review taking so long? It's an incomplete pass, and even if it's not, the ball was out of bounds before it was picked up. And now the Seahawks are offsides. The Rams nave blown so many red zone chances tonight it's kind of ridiculous. This is why Jeff Fisher's really only an average coach.


Did Gruden just name-check Az Hakim alongside Bruce and Holt? Should've gone for it, Fisher. Seriously, Seahawks? How are you letting this happen? Givens drops a third-down pass but the Seahawks are offside. Wait, how is Fisher letting the clock run down the right decision here? Not that it's wrong, necessarily, but does it even matter?

Seahawks storm the gates! That pass wasn't even close. This game, on the other hand... (Seahawks 14, Rams 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (8-0) — Road starts turning tough
2. Denver (7-1) — Starting to slip a bit
3. Seattle (7-1) — Take it and smile
4. (tie) New Orleans (6-1) — Back to normal
4. (tie) San Francisco (6-2) — Hottest team in the league

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (2-6) — Not a performance to be proud of
30. Minnesota (1-6) — This is gonna lead to a lot of bad endings
31. Tampa Bay (0-7) — Should already be coach hunting
32. Jacksonville (0-8) — The English don't want them, either


Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , ,

Sunday, November 3, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Break's Over

Here's a #TrueFact: Ellington's already better than Mendenhall and should really be starting. Someone please tell the Cardinals this.







Do the Cardinals even have fans? That crowd didn't make sense. (Seahawks 34, Cardinals 22)

Signal Finder: DAL @ PHI, NE @ NYJ (end), BAL @ PIT

So Rams-Panthers turned into WarGames, apparently. And this appears to be why. Don't piss off Steve Smith. (Panthers 30, Rams 15)

That right there is a good reason to shave your head. FOLES RUNNING. Have the Cowboys called a running play yet? Witten lives in space against the Eagles and always has. 112 catches all-time? That actually seems low. Can't miss a chance to tackle Dez short. Man, we got sacks all over the place. Foles not playing all that well, to be honest. Really not much going on here.



Both offenses have done a couple things, but either they're off or these defenses are playing better than anyone expected. Uh-oh, the Cowboys are percolating. Pretty sure Fletcher's the Eagles' best guy on the back end. Foles has missed Celek twice in a row.






Wait, Dez caught that, I think. I guess they're not looking at it. Jason Hatcher's doing yeoman's work on that decimated Dallas D-line. What the hell, Chip? Trying a 60-yarder on 4th and 1 with a time out? That makes absolutely no sense. The Cowboys have 10 penalties already? Seriously? That touchdown might do it the way this game is going. Wasn't the greatest throw by Romo there but Dez still has to catch that. And Chip wins his first challenge! You know what the Eagles could use is somebody who could make a play on defense. Three minutes of real time pass INTERCEPTION! Where was that pass even going? Did Romo jump? Nice play by 27 to break that up but I'm not sure Jackson would have stayed inbounds. And now he's hurt? They've got enough problems. What? How? WHAT? This gets automatically reviewed because it's a turnover. That's an awful throw. I can't overturn that. Brenneman: "I'm glad somebody else has that job." They reversed it!



Go for it, Chip. You may not get this close again. Shotgun? At least that worked. And Foles screws it up by getting sacked. Event he field goal was an adventure. Wait... BARKLEY'S warming up? Oh Lord. It's worth saying also that the Cowboys are playing their best defensive game in about four years. And now the Cowboys are completing every pass possible. Well, this game's over. Barkley's first throw is already better than anything Foles did today. And the Cowboys jump offside, nullifying an interception.  How are there still nine minutes left? Sadly, this interception will count. Romo fumbles again? Blah, he got it back. This game is STILL going on? Hey, Barkley got the Eagles across midfield. So there's that. (Cowboys 17, Eagles 3)

Gronk! He's been rather large. But he just dropped the game-winner. Brady's doing what Brady does so far. And we're tied. Nelson did exactly what you should do now with the Calvin Johnson rule: roll over onto his back. Is it bad that I've already forgotten the overtime rules? Oh, thanks, Dierdorf. The hell? Folk from 56? Is Rex smoking something? An unsportsmanlike conduct? Pushing the opponent into the pile? WHAT THE ACTUAL. I don't see it. Lot of boos here — place must be packed with Pats fans. How do you even call that? I mean I don't even care, but... how?



That's it's unsportsmanlike conduct and 15 yards is incredibly harsh. Here's Folk again, from half as far away. Holy crap the Patriots are unimpressive. (Jets 30, Patriots 27, OT)

Nantz and Simms not calling this game is strange. Jerricho Cotchery still being reliable is amazing to me. Felix Jones always could return kickoffs. Rivalry games spur anger and emotion. The Ravens were lucky to get that kickoff back. Seemed like the Steelers had the ball a long time to not be across midfield. That is a fumble. I think Torrey Smith just lost a yard trying to get out of bounds. The Steelers are playing like men possessed... which sometimes leads to being offside like on that sack just now. Ray Rice is having a terrible game, by the way. The Steelers are going like they're running out of time, which they kind of are if you look at the standings. Mike Tomlin just activated a time vortex with that challenge. The Ravens are going for it despite their inability to move the ball on the ground. Quarterback sneak! The best move there under the circumstances. Flacco trying to do his best Ben impression. They needed a touchdown. And I hate this onside kick. The Ravens aren't even trying anything deep. There's the touchdown they needed last time, and they've left Roethlisberger with two minutes. I still don't trust Suisham. And yes, I'm well aware he made the kick. (Steelers 19, Ravens 16)






Back-to-back three and outs? Drink! Two passes and a touchdown. Entirely too easy. Don't know why the Broncos are punting here. Oh, right, John Fox. That ball's out! Whoa! What? They're saying he's out of bounds? Pagano can challenge this, right? Why wouldn't it be a touchdown? The Colts player wasn't touched. Oh, because the call was out-of-bounds, so the ball was dead and you can't advance a dead ball. This should be Colts ball at least, though. I thought Heyward-Bey got a raw deal from the Raiders - he was finally figuring it out and they cut him for no good reason. Holliday just got killed by the PUNTER. Crazy catch by Julius Thomas. Man, this place is still loud. Fumble into the air! Wait, he's inbounds. They have to look at this, right? Ah, his shoulder's out of bounds. OK. Safety! Nice run by Luck — Peyton can't do that. The fullback outrunning people was amusing. Ah, jeez. Champ just came back, too. It feels like the moment has gotten to the Broncos. And the Colts are also jacked up. Look at Fleener going airborne for extra yardage. Whoa! That was very well done. The official who would have signaled touchdown got knocked out of the way. Who saw this coming? Decker might have gotten that flag — or the ball — if he hadn't stopped. A couple of people have noticed that Peyton's throws don't look that great, especially after the fumble/safety. Where's Welker been? Holy crap, Luck. That's better, Decker. I guess he didn't catch it. Ever since the touchdown he's been having a rough night. Andrew Luck is the Colts' best running back. The Broncos haven't looked good for the last two quarters. Decker was very lucky to hang on to that and Peyton was lucky initially to not get picked. Now he's forcing throws like Eli's been all season.


That one didn't look good either but Demayrius bailed him out. Fumble! Broncos have enough time to go for this 4th and 1. Hey, Welker showed up. Still plenty of time here, folks. Touchdown Moreno. Third and one and the Colts throw? What? Wayne's down and he wasn't touched? Oh no. This looks bad... that's exactly what happened to Revis last year. Well, he's walking off, at least. Peyton gets intercepted! What was wrong with... oh, the rusher got Peyton's arm.



Luck probably should have taken the sack — keep the clock running. Are you kidding me with that catch, Welker? Does nothing all game and then that. And again! Wait, what's going on now? Pagano challenged without being sure of possession? Oh, it's Colts ball? Here's my question: Why wasn't Moreno in the game there? Along with his quarterbacking skills and athletic ability, Andrew Luck is a fine actor. Now we've got some Keystone Kops foolishness with these penalties on this punt. Dude's definitely loose. Holliday should have fielded the third punt. That's a bad sack for the Broncos. This I don't like... you can't waste time running the field goal unit out there. And that's that. THE STUDENT HAS BECOME THE MASTER. Watching the end of game handshakes, I'm sad Reggie Wayne isn't out there. (Colts 39, Broncos 33)

And now to this, which feels like a walkout fight by comparison.


So who's the Giants running back? A seventh-round pick from UMASS. (Who, FYI, just moved up fully to D1 football this season. They effectively took Temple's spot in MACtion.) Peyton Hillis is still alive? The Vikings' secondary would fit right in in the NFC East. And there's Nicks' year in a nutshell. At least they made the field goal. FREEMAN! I expect Adrian Peterson to get 60 carries tonight. Yeah, the Giants suck on special teams, too. Hold up, let's see about this flag. Is there a Vikings contingent at MetLife Headquarters? 'Cause there was a cheer when the first penalty was announced. I can't fault Weatherford for that horse collar. He's a PUNTER. He doesn't know any better! Still, he could have at least done it to the guy with the ball. Look, if you're gonna bench Eli, you've got to bench about 40 other guys too. There are two players on this team who haven't been God-awful: Cruz and Prince. That's it, that's the list.


But maybe it's not all hopeless:



Did Rolle even hit Simpson? It looked like he was closer to hitting Prince. That's a clutch punt. Well at least the Vikings still have Jared Allen. OK, he just sacked two guys with one arm. Way to start the second half, Vikings. SPECIAL TEAMS. Wait, did he go down on his own? Moron. This same guy ran one back earlier. We got guys just falling down by themselves all over the place here. What is this?


Can't put that one on Freeman. Why did Sharrif Floyd have the ball in the first place? What is going ON up there?


And I can't believe I haven't made this point yet, and I'm not sure Tirico or Gruden have, either (as I'm only half-watching this debacle): Why in God's name are you throwing so many passes with a guy who's been there for two weeks?



Freeman and Hillis postgame: "Seriously, fuck Schiano, right?" (Giants 23, Vikings 7)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (7-0):


2. Denver (6-1) — Do we see some holes?
3. Seattle (6-1) — Not pretty, but effective
4. New Orleans (5-1) — May already have division wrapped up

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Finally!
30. Minnesota (1-5) — I hope management kept the receipt
31. Tampa Bay (0-6) — It gets worse and worse
32. Jacksonville (0-7) — See above
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Tripping Fantastic Lights


Told you. 0-6. I can't find four wins on that remaining schedule. crosses off Giants (Bears 27, Giants 21)

Signal Finder: PHI @ TB, GB @ BAL (end), TEN @ SEA, NO @ NE

Wow. Stay classy, Texans fans. (Rams 38, Texans 13)


That was a mistake. SCREEN PASS. McCoy was unlucky to get tripped up. FOLES QUARTERBACK DRAW. That was entirely too easy. Who says Foles can't run?  Wait, what happened? Yeah, that's gonna hold up. Disappointing. Wait, they're looking at something else?


So fumble, but no points. That's... less bad because the Bucs' so-called offense has to go back onto the field. (They're also missing their No. 2 receiver.) Now it's resistible force vs. movable object. Where's the punt coverage? Why are the Bucs going tackle-eligible here? Well that's discouraging. Right over the middle, too, of course, because the Eagles' secondary is terrible.



Can we get somebody else returning kickoffs? Anyone? I'll do it. (No, I won't.) So many screens and they're working. Why is Jeff Maehl happening? Well, DeSean won that one. Cary Williams is mad about something. Probably a penalty he committed but insists he didn't. Oh, it wasn't on him? I'm genuinely shocked. The heck? Mike Glennon is Michael Vick? That shouldn't happen. The defensive line got gashed on that Martin run. Nobody's beating 6-5 Vincent Jackson to that ball. This sequence to end the half was... weird. Whoa, a pick! I feel like Bradley Fletcher's the best guy in the Eagles' secondary because he never gets mentioned during games. How do you let Riley Cooper run past you? Oh, that's how. Regardless!


He'll fight every doctor in here. Also, I thought this Bucs defense was supposed to be borderline great. They've looked pretty average today, as evidenced by a defensive back allowing RILEY COOPER TO RUN RIGHT PAST HIM. That's a clutch punt. I'm not sure how much you can really learn about Glennon's potential from this game — the Eagles have no pass rush and no back-end coverage. The Bucs have had penalties wipe out more than a couple of big plays — furthering my theory that they'll blow it at the end if it's close. I should mention now that the Eagles have made this Tim Wright character look like Kellen Winslow in his prime. This drive started at Tampa's 1-YARD LINE. Unlucky for Wright to not catch that — he's caught everything else. Somehow that field goal is a moral defeat for both sides. Look at Cooper outrunning more people again. DeSean!!


Now let's get a stop. Hey, a sack. Whoever's coaching the Buccaneers next year should lobby the front office to trade for Foles. Now what? Are they trying to draw the Bucs off? This might work, as undisciplined as they are. It worked! Also, voting for Sign of the Year is officially closed:



There's no strength of schedule in the pros. (Eagles 31, Buccaneers 20)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Bengals 27, Bills 24, OT

See, this is strange. Normally we don't get the late CBS game if the Eagles are playing early on the road. Ryan Fitzpatrick showing why he's the backup again. That's twice now that the Seahawks have gotten zero help from the goal line on punt coverage. Speaking of things that repeat themselves, Fitzpatrick's gotten lucky twice on this drive to not get intercepted. Oh man... and it was the same guy both times. The punter dropped the ball? What? The Seahawks should get at least three out of this now. Apparently the Seahawks' kicker got hurt making a tackle on the kickoff after the touchdown and the punter's warming up now. Bad hold. WHAT?! TOUCHDOWN? Oh my goodness. Dierdorf's explaining that Ryan (kicking because of the kicker's injury) is normally the holder and somebody wearing No. 42 is now holding. This is actually a good argument for using the backup quarterback as the holder so this situation can never present itself. (Though Jay Novacek, a tight end, held for the Cowboys for years, for some reason.) I can't tell if he's down or not.



I can't overturn this, and the refs can't either. Is Sidney Rice still on this team? Oh, there he is, apparently fumbling. The following things went wrong there: All of them. And the Seahawks almost fumble away another one. What's going on up there? Feels like Wilson never passes when he's under center. Is this wise? Does Hauschka have all of his faculties? Well, he made it so I guess he's OK. HOLY CRAP. You should NEVER throw that pass but Lynch was all by himself. There's another fumble! FALL ON IT OH MY GOD. Dude on the Titans tried to scoop it and flipped it right back to Wilson. This game has been insane (-ly sloppy). Fitzpatrick throws another interception. Who thought Titans fans would miss Jake Locker? (who was actually having a good year before he got hurt.) Nice work, Sidney. And there's a score from Lynch. More craziness on this fumble/incomplete pass. Kudos to Kendall Wright for not taking any chances there, and also to Carroll for challenging it. And Carroll gets it reversed. A field goal? Really? You're on the road, down 10 and it's your first time in the red zone? (Seahawks 20, Titans 13)

What the hell, Edelman? Way to telegraph it, first of all, and then to throw it while you're being surrounded? Belichick's losing it.


Also someone tell him this isn't the old Saints defense. Think Brady saw that pass to Watson and sighed wistfully? Touchdown. Ridley's playing? Doesn't he have bad ribs or something? Why yes, he is on my fantasy team's bench. Why do you ask? The rusher on the Lofton sack of Brady wasn't the guy who got him. That drop by Amendola was on a low throw on the run. Meanwhile, the Patriots are covering Jimmy Graham with a cornerback (Aqib Talib) and it's working. Which begs the question: what's Colston's excuse? He's been shut out. That said, you can't keep going three and out against the Saints. Let's just say it: Brady hasn't been all that impressive this year so far. Hey there's Colston finally. Was that a helmet hit on Amendola? Sure looked like it.
Can we take a minute to look at who has scored touchdowns for the Saints in this game? The first guy's name is Travaris Cadet, which has to be made up. Brees make about eight mini-pump fakes before that pick. Oh, he signaled for a time out? And Graham's limping? None of that made any sense.The Patriots will regret not getting a touchdown there. See? And now they're going to tack on three more. Bad, BAD throw by Brady on that deep ball and that might do it. Why would you ever roll out Brees? I mean EVER? Austin Collie's still alive? Saw just before that that Brady just passed Vinny Testaverde for eighth all-time in passing yards, which is also Belichick's fault. Are you kidding me with that throw? Unbelievable.



THERE'S the Rob Ryan defense we know and love. Tom Brady is a wizard. And I say that at least partially because he dresses like one after games. (Patriots 30, Saints 27)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close II: In my own head, I predicted a pick-six... just not for the Jaguars. I mean, they're within two and we've had our first MJD sighting of the year. Well fought, grand Floridians. (Broncos 35, Jaguars 19).


Nice leisurely jog down the field by the Cowboys to open up. Hey, nice run by Griffin. Let's point out that the Cowboys' defense isn't good either. I mean, Orlando Scandrick is starting. That's really all you need to know.Tip drill interception! Griffin seems to have his running legs somewhat back. Did the Cowboys really give somebody No. 21? And where is Murray, anyway? Hurt again, I'd assume. Why is Collinsworth using "DeAngelo Hall" and "good cornerback" in the same thought? Bad throw by Romo and he's lucky it apparently hit the ground. Ware's walking to the locker room? That's awful for the Cowboys. This punt return, however, is not. THAT'S A PENALTY? I don't know what's more unbelievable; that that is in the rulebook as being against the rules or that it was actually called.


Shanahan's 2-minute offense looks like Mike Holmgren's. They got a drummer up on the platform with the dancing girls? Best nightclub EVER. Dwayne Harris is good at kick returns. Wow, Terrence Williams has actually looked NFL caliber these past two weeks. Except he's out of bounds. Wait, that stood up? Griffin ran around for about a minute before that fumble and the Redskins were lucky they got it back. And as well as he's moved around tonight, he's missed badly on more than a few passes. You know who's been awful this year is Morris Claiborne. Free play! Touchdown! Good timing after Al and Cris talking about how the Redskins haven't run the ball well tonight. Nice kick. #sarcasm The Cowboys are gonna have to go back to a 3-4 if they keep losing defensive linemen like this. Fumble? You laugh at Al's Randy White reference; that dude's three phone calls away. This is like an eighth-effort push and I think he finally got in. Yep. Got a nice push from the center. The Redskins should probably consider throwing down the field. I meant TO RECEIVERS. Oh, Moss fell down. Never mind then. Still, that's probably the end of that. (Cowboys 31, Redskins 16)


NO BANNERS FOR YARDAGE. CHICANERY! A touchdown after that would have been preferable. Te'o! Ryan Mathews' other problem is he can't stay on the field. Dude's as fragile as DeMarco Murray and probably getting paid three times as much. Nice throw, Rivers. Seriously.



Richardson fought his way out of that tackle pretty well. Woodhead! I think Brady misses him, too. Forgive my transgressions; there's playoff baseball on. Luck ran the two-minute drill and got them into field goal range? This is why the Chargers are 2-3. Danny Woodhead is much faster than Pat Angerer. When did King Dunlap stop sucking? I'm pretty sure that aside from Keenan Allen's touchdown, Woodhead has the longest pass play of the night. Nope, there's one to somebody named Green for 25. Another field goal? I mean there's time but still.

Lot of drops tonight, it seems. Gotta go for this, right? Gruden: "You gotta punt it." What? Eh. Here's the thing: "What's wrong with Rivers?" the last three years has been Norv Turner and a front office that couldn't draft and/or keep good players. Did Mathews just run out of bounds? Did Gates make this? It's going to be real close. So because the play started before the two-minute warning, the Chargers are challenging this spot. Aaaand it's short. They should just go for this. I mean, I'm not sure Nick Novak's a guy I'd bank on hitting from 50 here. Whoa! Dude came unblocked and Novak was lucky to get it off. That's probably it. And that's definitely it. (Chargers 19, Colts 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4: 
1. Denver (6-0) - Either learned or taught a lesson in respect
2. Kansas City (6-0) - Yes, they've already blown past last year's win total
3. Seattle (5-1) - Pacific Northwest strangeness
4. New Orleans (5-1) - Blew that one

BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) - Falling off the cliff fast
30. Tampa Bay (0-5) - This organization needs to be quarantined
31. N.Y. Giants (0-6) - Hard to win games when nobody's playing well
32. Jacksonville (0-6) - No moral victories


Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sunday, October 20, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Grindhouse

Oh, that didn't look good. Of course, it's Bills-Browns; I don't expect anything to look good. Hang on a second: Hoyer's hurt and they're going back to Weeden? What did Jason Campbell do to piss off the Browns? Now Manuel's out too?

The Josh Gordon lovefest bothers me. Can we give him more than two games before proclaiming him the next big thing? We did this with Miles Austin, remember? I thought the Browns were supposed to be tanking. (Browns 37, Bills 24)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, BAL @ MIA, DEN @ DAL

Billick's already forgotten that the Eagles' secondary is terrible.


That's.. huh? Ah, OK. That's helmet-to-helmet... intentional or not, it's always getting called in 2013. They DECLINED that penalty? Coughlin's lost it. OH MY GOD. Vick ran for about 30 yards. Let's go back to the Giants declining that penalty for a second. It would have been fourth and... 4? From the Giants' 47? Wouldn't you want to give the other coach a chance to make the wrong decision on 4th down? That's not a safety? How is that not a safety?


That's Vick's first completion and we're in the second quarter. Hey, a Zach Ertz sighting. How did McBride not intercept that? It went right through his hands! Why is Vick running so much? Touchdown! The Giants are inexplicably switching to short throws. Apparently it doesn't matter who carries the ball for the Giants - it's getting fumbled. I mean it just fell out of his hands. The Giants had McCoy stopped and then didn't.


Unless you're putting Foles in right now, Chip, you punt here. Good decision. Seriously, Eli keeps throwing into coverage. And now things are just falling apart. Well this camera angle on the punt is different. Meanwhile, the Giants are about out of guys. JPP's down and angry and Tuck's shaken up on the field. Are the Giants in prevent or something? The Eagles are just walking down the field. Thanks, guy, for pushing Jackson out of bounds and stopping the clock. Field goal! Good job, Foles. Hold up. Did the Giants just blow two time outs on a challenge? That's straight out of Reid's book. No, seriously: Andy did that once.




And why even bother challenging that play? Yeah, it's a first down but it's still in Eagles territory and it's early in the third quarter. Plus it wasn't until the fourth look at it or so that anyone thought it might be overturned in the first place. More stupid Giants penalties. But the Eagles' defense can't stop them a second time. Seriously, call nothing but pass plays against both of these teams.




I mean, they could at least try covering Randle. It's not like Nicks has done anything this year to deserve being doubled. That fair catch interference was a bad call. And that pass interference on Boykin was even worse (and that wasn't even one of Cruz's better sell jobs.)




The offense looks mostly the same. And by that I mean it looks mostly the same as Reid's last year with the absence of running plays. Foles can run this thing — it's not like the preseason battle was a runaway. Grounding again on Eli... there was nobody out there. Wait... what.., that's... OH MY GOD THE EAGLES FORCED A TURNOVER! CELEK! That's a fantastic play all around. Whoa! Boykin's got that but he's had terrible things conspire against him today. Well they upheld it at least. Foles on the option? Strange. Slow down, Brenneman. Another pick! Who was that? Williams? Geez. You know what I'm just now noticing is that the Eagles' offense has been running slower today. The pace hasn't been as fast. Three flags on a punt? The special teams clearly still need work. I can't believe how bad the Giants are. I honestly can't. Hey, a sack. (Eagles 36, Giants 21)

Ravens-Dolphins is utterly failing to hold my interest. It sounds like the officiating here has been as bad as Eagles-Giants. I almost just want to fill this in with Josh's Facebook status updates. You know who'd be good on the Dolphins right now? Jake Long. Then Jones got that pick-six and this turned into a game.That field goal attempt at the end was brutal. Is John Harbaugh attempting crowd control? (Ravens 26, Dolphins 23)


Sweet Lord. The poor Jaguars.(Rams 34, Jaguars 20)

The Cowboys' non-Dez receivers are doing a good job of spinning out of tackles. No catch. Touchdown? WOW that's close. Good job, Dez. Decker fumbled? How was Romo not past the line of scrimmage there? Oh, he wasn't, actually. Never mind. Should have taken it himself, though. Everything about that was ridiculous, including Witten's sliding catch at the end.




Long pass to Decker! I love it when guys hold and it doesn't work. That, on the other hand, was expected. Broncos' defense not playing all that well right now either. Well , until the goal-line stand that ended with a 17-yard sack. Ernie Sims is still alive? Yep, and he's already been assimilated into Cowboys culture by committing a stupid penalty. Peyton was shooting a basket on that third down pass to Moreno. More Decker. Nantz: "How do you defend that?" Simms: "You don't."


More unnecessary Cowboys screwups. That face mask was far more blatant than the hit to Eli's head that didn't get called. Touchdown Broncos! The winner here may need 40, and that is not in the Cowboys' best interest. PEYTON MANNING BOOTLEG.


Dallas was up 14-0. This first half was last week's first half in reverse. Remember this time last year when Moreno's Broncos career was effectively over? There's Welker. Hadn't seen him yet. Whoa! Terrence Williams finally did something right! Every Broncos field goal attempt is a win for the other side. I'm surprised that DRC was close enough to Dez to interfere. And just that quickly the Cowboys are back in this. Going for two here? Barnwell?

Stop the presses! Peyton threw an interception! THE RUSSIAN IS CUT!!! And Morris Claiborne, of all people, who'd been getting lit up this year, is the guy who gets it. You know who's great is Dez Bryant. Deion dumping him was the best thing that ever happened to him. Josh: "It's so sad that he's played the best game of  his life and people are STILL waiting for the RomoDerp." More bad officiating as the refs completely miss Witten being shoved out of the end zone. The Cowboys have taken the lead, but there's plenty of time left and no need to panic. One running play? I don't know about that. Both of these defenses are being torn to shreds. Let me revise that 40 to 50. TONY ROMO THINGS. That was right into coverage. (And I'd see later on Football Night In America that he had the running back wide open on a checkdown.)


Now you call all of the running plays. Uh-oh? Third and short and it's close.




Done and done. And I do mean done. (Broncos 51, Cowboys 48)

I think Rodney Harrison's taken too many shots to the head. How do you even think of benching Cam Newton when he's coached by the worst game-day coach in the league? (Common Sense 4, Football Night In America 1)


Schaub's gonna end up in a mental institution. Not a lot going right for the Texans right now. Heck, not a lot going right football-wise in TEXAS right now. Seriously, the best thing they have at the moment is the Baylor quarterback and I can't think of any time before Griffin that we've been able to say that truthfully. Here's a Watt/Kaepernick split screen for no real reason. Frank Gore's running through people like it's 2008. The ref accidentally kicking the ball so the Texans can't down it really is the only way to end this half. This has been a strange 49ers game. They're running the ball almost at will but haven't gotten anything out of Kaepernick. Of course, with Davis literally hamstrung, he only has Boldin to throw to. Meanwhile, Schaub's getting picked off by backup defensive linemen. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. And here's T.J. Yates. That's how much more of this I can handle. (49ers 34, Texans 3)

Let's see. Oakland. Against a division rival. After a FULL DAY TO DRINK. This will end badly. Wait, Terrelle Pryor isn't completely awful? I'm legitimately stunned. (Raiders 27, Chargers 17)

So who had the Jets with the better record at kickoff of this game? Put your hands down, you filthy liars. I don't think the Falcons are losing two at home, though. Dude dropped a possible interception for a touchdown. PUNT BLOCKED! Oh man that guy just beat the blockers. It would have been so Jets for the Falcons to get the first down anyway. Circus catch! Are the Jets going for it? What's taking so long? Well, so much for that. Hey, a Roddy White sighting. That's an easy one. Bad challenge, Rex. Man, Geno had a week to throw that one. Cumberland again! Did he just try to resurrect the Dirty Bird?




Holy hell the Jets are rolling right now. Tirico: "The Atlanta fans, unhappy." Gonzalez outfights an anonymous Jets DB for the ball because of course he does. Well the hold was much more blatant. Snelling stutter-stepped too much on that run. That screen's not going to work. Falcons going for it on fourth down. Oh man, nobody's open. Gonzalez was held by TWO guys there! One more shot — why are they running Jacquizz Rogers between the tackles? I don't mind going for it, but don't do THAT.

The Falcons cannot run the ball. Yet it doesn't seem to matter until they get back down here. That's more like it. Way to seal that edge. Wait, Geno's only thrown nine passes? What happened there? Ryan cough up the snap? The Soldier's still alive? Oh boy. It's about to get ugly in the dome. Seriously, someone get that thing out of Sanchez's hair. QUIZ SHOW. That'll quiet the mob for a bit. THAT ONE HANDED CATCH. How do you not put three guys on Gonzalez in that situation? Another 4th and short — gotta go for it now, too, right? They did the same thing again. HOLDING. Someone please tell Mike Smith to stop calling runs up the middle against this defense. Wait, who scored? I'm asking. I've never heard of him before. Uh-oh, the Falcons' defense is sucking again. That first down was big.

It's GOOD. WOW. Let me say this: Geno played well tonight. Let me also say this thing that I'm afraid to say: Is Rex working on keeping his job? (Jets 30, Falcons 28)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (5-0) - A soulless killing machine
2. New Orleans (5-0) - The good old days are back
3. Seattle (4-1) - Loss to Colts not as bad as it seems
4. Kansas City (5-0) - Things got dicey for a bit

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (0-4) - Return and regroup
30. Tampa Bay (0-4) - The bad old days are back
31. N.Y. Giants (0-5) - And soon to be 0-6
32. Jacksonville (0-5) - Just bad times all around


Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Saturday, October 5, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Against The Grain

This has all the makings of the usual bad Thursday night blowout: desperate team on the road against an inferior division opponent. If the 49ers lose, do we start invoking the Super Bowl Loser's curse? Because the Madden Curse isn't in play this season.

Sounds about right. So basically all this was was the 49ers going back to power running and the Rams not showing any progress. And even though Sam Bradford's last good coach was Bob Stoops, is it getting close to "pull the plug" time? (49ers 35, Rams 11)

Signal Finder: PIT vs.@ MIN (@ London); NYG @ KC, BAL @ BUF (end), SEA @ HOU (part of OT), PHI @ DEN

Colquitt took a nasty shot on that partially blocked punt. Is he okay? That's Hakeem Nicks's year in a nutshell. Oh, Lord, seriously? The bit about the Giants needing to turn the volume up on their helmets is their year in a nutshell. Oh, Colquitt is hurt. That's not good. Alex Smith is going to run for 100 yards in this game. The Andy Reid goal line offense is rearing its ugly head here. Oh, there we go. Jesus, Cruz beat Dunta Robinson by five yards. That wasn't even close. Eli got sacked? I'm stunned. Fumble! Of course. And the Chiefs... fumble it right back. Eli's thrown about four passes so far that probably should have been picked off.

The Giants are going for it on 4th and 2 with 28 seconds left and only one time out. This needs to work. Cruz gets it. Hurry UP. I... really? HE MISSED THE FIELD GOAL. Eli just threw an absolutely brutal interception to Demps.


And AGAIN the Chiefs give it right back! This is ridiculous. That's a close spot. Haha Reid tossed the challenge flag to the official. It's short. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY. Great work by McCluster on that punt return. How did the 49ers let this Cooper kid get away? There's another bad pass. Eli's hardly had time, and when he has, he's throwing into coverage. I really can't understate just how bad Nicks has been this season.Wait, what? The Giants lined up improperly on the field goal? That's... going to give the Chiefs a first down. First and 25 after the clipping penalty and... the Chiefs get 25 yards. Aaaand taking the field goal off the board pays off. More stupid special teams play by the Giants. Take a knee! The Giants are gonna be 0-6. (Chiefs 31, Giants 7)

Welcome to London! Whoever loses this game may as well stay over there. Hey, a Greg Jennings sighting! Peterson just gashed the Steelers' defense. I mean, I know that's what he does but still. Not sure whose fault that Greenway interception is. This is Le'Veon Bell's, what, second game and he may already be the Steelers' best player. The Steelers are still in this game because the Vikings' pass defense is inexplicably horrible. Hang on... looks at starters That explains it, actually. Who are these guys, anyway? Of course, if Ben's hand is hurt, that just causes bigger problems on the other side. Oh, he's back? Never mind then. Wait, L.C. Greenwood died? Sad. :( No. 29 on the Vikings whiffed on the pick there. Jerricho Cotchery is going off? Is it 2007? The Vikings are doing it again, aren't they? Fantastic concentration by Brown. Sack! FUMBLE! The sack would have ended the game anyway but the fumble sealed it. Chins up, Pittsburgh. You've still got the Pirates. And I can actually say that with complete sincerity. (Vikings 34, Steelers 27)

Why did the Ravens kick the field goal? And why did the Bills effectively run it into the line three times? Wait, what? That pass got tipped about four times. Five interceptions for Flacco? Oh. (Bills 23, Ravens 20)

I want to know who Texans fans think they're going to get that's better than Matt Schaub. Josh Freeman? Please. That's an easy interference call on Browner. The flag on the punt just gave the Seahawks 30 yards. And the unnecessary roughness penalty is going to cost the Texans this game. Well, that and their second-half vanishing act. This should never have happened. (Seahawks 23, Texans 20, OT)

My prediction? PAIN. Why was Connor Barwin covering Welker? Or not covering, as the case may be. Of course, you can't cover all of these guys perfectly — someone's going to end up open. I mean, don't GIVE them first downs, guys. That'll happen a lot. Hey, a James Casey sighting. Gotta catch that, Celek — that was a good throw by Vick into the hole in coverage. Field goals are not going to win this game. And that won't help either. Pam Oliver talking about something that I've been wondering about all week — how the Eagles' pace will work in this altitude. They already seem to be a little slower. Uh-oh. They do NOT need to lose DeSean for any amount of time. Hey, a stop! I don't understand this challenge. He was already down. Yeah, that was easy. Does Bryce Brown just not run between the tackles or are all of his runs designed to go outside? Speaking of Bryce, he just stumbled his way out of a touchdown but did well to not go down and get inside the 5. A CHRIS POLK SIGHTING. TOUCHDOWN. Or was it? I'm not sure, actually. Yeah, there's no overturning that one. Go for two? No? Eh. OK. Peyton under pressure and somehow finds Hillman.


Huh? That was... odd... Eagles let the clock run down and take a delay of game on 4th and 6? Don't get that one. If you're gonna punt, punt. I think Chip legitimately had no idea what he wanted to do there, which kind of worries me. On the flip side, that's a spot where none of your choices are particularly good. Oh my that post to Decker was perfection. Stupid penalty by Moreno shoving Ryans down after the play. A sack! And the Broncos don't score! Tremendous. Peyton staying trolling the Eagles with hard counts. What pass interference? Where? Really? I mean that was inevitable but come on. And now poor tackling manifests itself. Anyone who's surprised by this needs to have his head examined. The severity of this, however, is legitimately surprising, at least to me -- I thought they'd score more points.


That's a blocked punt. Jeff Maehl doing work! This is gonna get worse before it gets better. Though it may get a little better next week. (Broncos 52, Eagles 20)

Always love overhead shots of DOMES. Gonzalez just used Jerod Mayo as a pick. Meanwhile, the Falcons are starting three Madden computer-generated players at linebacker.


Uh-oh. The Patriots don't need to lose Wilfork for any period of time. Mulligan? Who is Mulligan? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Just call a play, Smith. The Patriots aren't jumping. They called a play! It didn't work, but why not. Terrible throw, though. Speaking of terrible throws, how does Thompkins catch that? Unreal. Of course...


Gonzalez. Yo, NBC DJ, how do you play any other version of "Beat It"? The Patriots have no second-half touchdowns this year? Huh.


"Roll Out?" OK, DJ, you just redeemed yourself.


What's Brady hot about? That wasn't a penalty. Oh, wait, there was contact but Brady's gotta make a better throw so Dobson doesn't get killed. I'm not really understanding why the Falcons are trying to throw to Roddy White in space. He can't run. Touchdown Patriots. One thing LeGarrette Blount isn't is fast. There's another one... Thompkins brings it in and the Pats have knocked the Falcons off the rails. Only I notice things like this but Kyle Arrington's had about five different jersey numbers.


Hmm. Touchdown. Falcons are trying to come back. They got the onside kick! The Patriots don't need this to get interesting. Why not call a run down here? There's still enough time...



Another onside kick? I don't think I would have done that... no way it works twice in a row. That's... they called it short? I dunno. Fumbled snap! Falcons get the ball! SICK catch by Jones. If this happens... Now Ryan's misfiring everywhere.


(Patriots 30, Falcons 23)


Is that Nick Toon on the Saints? Did no one see Sproles? And I don't mean because he's only 5-7. That was entirely too easy. I feel like Cameron Wake could have helped the Dolphins somehow on that drive. Remember, Tannehill was a WR for two years at A&M. (That's why I was shocked he started last year's opener. Not enough QB experience.) Stuffed! "Caleb Sturgis"? That's a name for a human being? Hmmm. This looks short. And it is. Dolphins... punting? Yeah, they're punting. The formation looked weird for a second. And that's an argument for leaving the running to the runners. Though it was a good job by Lofton to punch it out, it shouldn't have been that easy. Sproles again. Jimmy Graham is a man among men. Brandon Gibson's on the Dolphins now? How about that. Sweet misdirection by the Dolphins and a great juke by this Thigpen character. The most amazing thing about this year's Saints, to me, is that Rob Ryan is actually coordinating a good defense. Props to the Dolphins for hanging around so far as they're getting outplayed pretty badly. Like so. That looked like one of Eli's interceptions. Sproles AGAIN! Benjamin Watson lives! The wheels may be coming off.




Graham! That was quick. This is officially out of hand.





Go home, Gruden; you're drunk. (Saints 38, Dolphins 17)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (4-0) -- Juggernaut SMASH
2. Seattle (4-0) -- Houstonians are often considered the most hospitable of urban Texans
3. New Orleans (4-0) -- Who says coaching doesn't matter?
4. (tie) New England (4-0) -- Have had some escapes so far
4. (tie) Kansas City (4-0) -- Reid winning big with Scott Pioli's players

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (0-4) -- Lots of things going wrong right now
30. Tampa Bay (0-4) -- It's Christmas every Sunday for their opponents
31. N.Y. Giants (0-4) -- Don't do anything particularly well
32. Jacksonville (0-4) -- Petitioning to join the ACC as we speak

Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)