Sunday, October 20, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Grindhouse

Oh, that didn't look good. Of course, it's Bills-Browns; I don't expect anything to look good. Hang on a second: Hoyer's hurt and they're going back to Weeden? What did Jason Campbell do to piss off the Browns? Now Manuel's out too?

The Josh Gordon lovefest bothers me. Can we give him more than two games before proclaiming him the next big thing? We did this with Miles Austin, remember? I thought the Browns were supposed to be tanking. (Browns 37, Bills 24)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, BAL @ MIA, DEN @ DAL

Billick's already forgotten that the Eagles' secondary is terrible.


That's.. huh? Ah, OK. That's helmet-to-helmet... intentional or not, it's always getting called in 2013. They DECLINED that penalty? Coughlin's lost it. OH MY GOD. Vick ran for about 30 yards. Let's go back to the Giants declining that penalty for a second. It would have been fourth and... 4? From the Giants' 47? Wouldn't you want to give the other coach a chance to make the wrong decision on 4th down? That's not a safety? How is that not a safety?


That's Vick's first completion and we're in the second quarter. Hey, a Zach Ertz sighting. How did McBride not intercept that? It went right through his hands! Why is Vick running so much? Touchdown! The Giants are inexplicably switching to short throws. Apparently it doesn't matter who carries the ball for the Giants - it's getting fumbled. I mean it just fell out of his hands. The Giants had McCoy stopped and then didn't.


Unless you're putting Foles in right now, Chip, you punt here. Good decision. Seriously, Eli keeps throwing into coverage. And now things are just falling apart. Well this camera angle on the punt is different. Meanwhile, the Giants are about out of guys. JPP's down and angry and Tuck's shaken up on the field. Are the Giants in prevent or something? The Eagles are just walking down the field. Thanks, guy, for pushing Jackson out of bounds and stopping the clock. Field goal! Good job, Foles. Hold up. Did the Giants just blow two time outs on a challenge? That's straight out of Reid's book. No, seriously: Andy did that once.




And why even bother challenging that play? Yeah, it's a first down but it's still in Eagles territory and it's early in the third quarter. Plus it wasn't until the fourth look at it or so that anyone thought it might be overturned in the first place. More stupid Giants penalties. But the Eagles' defense can't stop them a second time. Seriously, call nothing but pass plays against both of these teams.




I mean, they could at least try covering Randle. It's not like Nicks has done anything this year to deserve being doubled. That fair catch interference was a bad call. And that pass interference on Boykin was even worse (and that wasn't even one of Cruz's better sell jobs.)




The offense looks mostly the same. And by that I mean it looks mostly the same as Reid's last year with the absence of running plays. Foles can run this thing — it's not like the preseason battle was a runaway. Grounding again on Eli... there was nobody out there. Wait... what.., that's... OH MY GOD THE EAGLES FORCED A TURNOVER! CELEK! That's a fantastic play all around. Whoa! Boykin's got that but he's had terrible things conspire against him today. Well they upheld it at least. Foles on the option? Strange. Slow down, Brenneman. Another pick! Who was that? Williams? Geez. You know what I'm just now noticing is that the Eagles' offense has been running slower today. The pace hasn't been as fast. Three flags on a punt? The special teams clearly still need work. I can't believe how bad the Giants are. I honestly can't. Hey, a sack. (Eagles 36, Giants 21)

Ravens-Dolphins is utterly failing to hold my interest. It sounds like the officiating here has been as bad as Eagles-Giants. I almost just want to fill this in with Josh's Facebook status updates. You know who'd be good on the Dolphins right now? Jake Long. Then Jones got that pick-six and this turned into a game.That field goal attempt at the end was brutal. Is John Harbaugh attempting crowd control? (Ravens 26, Dolphins 23)


Sweet Lord. The poor Jaguars.(Rams 34, Jaguars 20)

The Cowboys' non-Dez receivers are doing a good job of spinning out of tackles. No catch. Touchdown? WOW that's close. Good job, Dez. Decker fumbled? How was Romo not past the line of scrimmage there? Oh, he wasn't, actually. Never mind. Should have taken it himself, though. Everything about that was ridiculous, including Witten's sliding catch at the end.




Long pass to Decker! I love it when guys hold and it doesn't work. That, on the other hand, was expected. Broncos' defense not playing all that well right now either. Well , until the goal-line stand that ended with a 17-yard sack. Ernie Sims is still alive? Yep, and he's already been assimilated into Cowboys culture by committing a stupid penalty. Peyton was shooting a basket on that third down pass to Moreno. More Decker. Nantz: "How do you defend that?" Simms: "You don't."


More unnecessary Cowboys screwups. That face mask was far more blatant than the hit to Eli's head that didn't get called. Touchdown Broncos! The winner here may need 40, and that is not in the Cowboys' best interest. PEYTON MANNING BOOTLEG.


Dallas was up 14-0. This first half was last week's first half in reverse. Remember this time last year when Moreno's Broncos career was effectively over? There's Welker. Hadn't seen him yet. Whoa! Terrence Williams finally did something right! Every Broncos field goal attempt is a win for the other side. I'm surprised that DRC was close enough to Dez to interfere. And just that quickly the Cowboys are back in this. Going for two here? Barnwell?

Stop the presses! Peyton threw an interception! THE RUSSIAN IS CUT!!! And Morris Claiborne, of all people, who'd been getting lit up this year, is the guy who gets it. You know who's great is Dez Bryant. Deion dumping him was the best thing that ever happened to him. Josh: "It's so sad that he's played the best game of  his life and people are STILL waiting for the RomoDerp." More bad officiating as the refs completely miss Witten being shoved out of the end zone. The Cowboys have taken the lead, but there's plenty of time left and no need to panic. One running play? I don't know about that. Both of these defenses are being torn to shreds. Let me revise that 40 to 50. TONY ROMO THINGS. That was right into coverage. (And I'd see later on Football Night In America that he had the running back wide open on a checkdown.)


Now you call all of the running plays. Uh-oh? Third and short and it's close.




Done and done. And I do mean done. (Broncos 51, Cowboys 48)

I think Rodney Harrison's taken too many shots to the head. How do you even think of benching Cam Newton when he's coached by the worst game-day coach in the league? (Common Sense 4, Football Night In America 1)


Schaub's gonna end up in a mental institution. Not a lot going right for the Texans right now. Heck, not a lot going right football-wise in TEXAS right now. Seriously, the best thing they have at the moment is the Baylor quarterback and I can't think of any time before Griffin that we've been able to say that truthfully. Here's a Watt/Kaepernick split screen for no real reason. Frank Gore's running through people like it's 2008. The ref accidentally kicking the ball so the Texans can't down it really is the only way to end this half. This has been a strange 49ers game. They're running the ball almost at will but haven't gotten anything out of Kaepernick. Of course, with Davis literally hamstrung, he only has Boldin to throw to. Meanwhile, Schaub's getting picked off by backup defensive linemen. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. And here's T.J. Yates. That's how much more of this I can handle. (49ers 34, Texans 3)

Let's see. Oakland. Against a division rival. After a FULL DAY TO DRINK. This will end badly. Wait, Terrelle Pryor isn't completely awful? I'm legitimately stunned. (Raiders 27, Chargers 17)

So who had the Jets with the better record at kickoff of this game? Put your hands down, you filthy liars. I don't think the Falcons are losing two at home, though. Dude dropped a possible interception for a touchdown. PUNT BLOCKED! Oh man that guy just beat the blockers. It would have been so Jets for the Falcons to get the first down anyway. Circus catch! Are the Jets going for it? What's taking so long? Well, so much for that. Hey, a Roddy White sighting. That's an easy one. Bad challenge, Rex. Man, Geno had a week to throw that one. Cumberland again! Did he just try to resurrect the Dirty Bird?




Holy hell the Jets are rolling right now. Tirico: "The Atlanta fans, unhappy." Gonzalez outfights an anonymous Jets DB for the ball because of course he does. Well the hold was much more blatant. Snelling stutter-stepped too much on that run. That screen's not going to work. Falcons going for it on fourth down. Oh man, nobody's open. Gonzalez was held by TWO guys there! One more shot — why are they running Jacquizz Rogers between the tackles? I don't mind going for it, but don't do THAT.

The Falcons cannot run the ball. Yet it doesn't seem to matter until they get back down here. That's more like it. Way to seal that edge. Wait, Geno's only thrown nine passes? What happened there? Ryan cough up the snap? The Soldier's still alive? Oh boy. It's about to get ugly in the dome. Seriously, someone get that thing out of Sanchez's hair. QUIZ SHOW. That'll quiet the mob for a bit. THAT ONE HANDED CATCH. How do you not put three guys on Gonzalez in that situation? Another 4th and short — gotta go for it now, too, right? They did the same thing again. HOLDING. Someone please tell Mike Smith to stop calling runs up the middle against this defense. Wait, who scored? I'm asking. I've never heard of him before. Uh-oh, the Falcons' defense is sucking again. That first down was big.

It's GOOD. WOW. Let me say this: Geno played well tonight. Let me also say this thing that I'm afraid to say: Is Rex working on keeping his job? (Jets 30, Falcons 28)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (5-0) - A soulless killing machine
2. New Orleans (5-0) - The good old days are back
3. Seattle (4-1) - Loss to Colts not as bad as it seems
4. Kansas City (5-0) - Things got dicey for a bit

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (0-4) - Return and regroup
30. Tampa Bay (0-4) - The bad old days are back
31. N.Y. Giants (0-5) - And soon to be 0-6
32. Jacksonville (0-5) - Just bad times all around


Saturday, October 5, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Against The Grain

This has all the makings of the usual bad Thursday night blowout: desperate team on the road against an inferior division opponent. If the 49ers lose, do we start invoking the Super Bowl Loser's curse? Because the Madden Curse isn't in play this season.

Sounds about right. So basically all this was was the 49ers going back to power running and the Rams not showing any progress. And even though Sam Bradford's last good coach was Bob Stoops, is it getting close to "pull the plug" time? (49ers 35, Rams 11)

Signal Finder: PIT vs.@ MIN (@ London); NYG @ KC, BAL @ BUF (end), SEA @ HOU (part of OT), PHI @ DEN

Colquitt took a nasty shot on that partially blocked punt. Is he okay? That's Hakeem Nicks's year in a nutshell. Oh, Lord, seriously? The bit about the Giants needing to turn the volume up on their helmets is their year in a nutshell. Oh, Colquitt is hurt. That's not good. Alex Smith is going to run for 100 yards in this game. The Andy Reid goal line offense is rearing its ugly head here. Oh, there we go. Jesus, Cruz beat Dunta Robinson by five yards. That wasn't even close. Eli got sacked? I'm stunned. Fumble! Of course. And the Chiefs... fumble it right back. Eli's thrown about four passes so far that probably should have been picked off.

The Giants are going for it on 4th and 2 with 28 seconds left and only one time out. This needs to work. Cruz gets it. Hurry UP. I... really? HE MISSED THE FIELD GOAL. Eli just threw an absolutely brutal interception to Demps.


And AGAIN the Chiefs give it right back! This is ridiculous. That's a close spot. Haha Reid tossed the challenge flag to the official. It's short. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY. Great work by McCluster on that punt return. How did the 49ers let this Cooper kid get away? There's another bad pass. Eli's hardly had time, and when he has, he's throwing into coverage. I really can't understate just how bad Nicks has been this season.Wait, what? The Giants lined up improperly on the field goal? That's... going to give the Chiefs a first down. First and 25 after the clipping penalty and... the Chiefs get 25 yards. Aaaand taking the field goal off the board pays off. More stupid special teams play by the Giants. Take a knee! The Giants are gonna be 0-6. (Chiefs 31, Giants 7)

Welcome to London! Whoever loses this game may as well stay over there. Hey, a Greg Jennings sighting! Peterson just gashed the Steelers' defense. I mean, I know that's what he does but still. Not sure whose fault that Greenway interception is. This is Le'Veon Bell's, what, second game and he may already be the Steelers' best player. The Steelers are still in this game because the Vikings' pass defense is inexplicably horrible. Hang on... looks at starters That explains it, actually. Who are these guys, anyway? Of course, if Ben's hand is hurt, that just causes bigger problems on the other side. Oh, he's back? Never mind then. Wait, L.C. Greenwood died? Sad. :( No. 29 on the Vikings whiffed on the pick there. Jerricho Cotchery is going off? Is it 2007? The Vikings are doing it again, aren't they? Fantastic concentration by Brown. Sack! FUMBLE! The sack would have ended the game anyway but the fumble sealed it. Chins up, Pittsburgh. You've still got the Pirates. And I can actually say that with complete sincerity. (Vikings 34, Steelers 27)

Why did the Ravens kick the field goal? And why did the Bills effectively run it into the line three times? Wait, what? That pass got tipped about four times. Five interceptions for Flacco? Oh. (Bills 23, Ravens 20)

I want to know who Texans fans think they're going to get that's better than Matt Schaub. Josh Freeman? Please. That's an easy interference call on Browner. The flag on the punt just gave the Seahawks 30 yards. And the unnecessary roughness penalty is going to cost the Texans this game. Well, that and their second-half vanishing act. This should never have happened. (Seahawks 23, Texans 20, OT)

My prediction? PAIN. Why was Connor Barwin covering Welker? Or not covering, as the case may be. Of course, you can't cover all of these guys perfectly — someone's going to end up open. I mean, don't GIVE them first downs, guys. That'll happen a lot. Hey, a James Casey sighting. Gotta catch that, Celek — that was a good throw by Vick into the hole in coverage. Field goals are not going to win this game. And that won't help either. Pam Oliver talking about something that I've been wondering about all week — how the Eagles' pace will work in this altitude. They already seem to be a little slower. Uh-oh. They do NOT need to lose DeSean for any amount of time. Hey, a stop! I don't understand this challenge. He was already down. Yeah, that was easy. Does Bryce Brown just not run between the tackles or are all of his runs designed to go outside? Speaking of Bryce, he just stumbled his way out of a touchdown but did well to not go down and get inside the 5. A CHRIS POLK SIGHTING. TOUCHDOWN. Or was it? I'm not sure, actually. Yeah, there's no overturning that one. Go for two? No? Eh. OK. Peyton under pressure and somehow finds Hillman.


Huh? That was... odd... Eagles let the clock run down and take a delay of game on 4th and 6? Don't get that one. If you're gonna punt, punt. I think Chip legitimately had no idea what he wanted to do there, which kind of worries me. On the flip side, that's a spot where none of your choices are particularly good. Oh my that post to Decker was perfection. Stupid penalty by Moreno shoving Ryans down after the play. A sack! And the Broncos don't score! Tremendous. Peyton staying trolling the Eagles with hard counts. What pass interference? Where? Really? I mean that was inevitable but come on. And now poor tackling manifests itself. Anyone who's surprised by this needs to have his head examined. The severity of this, however, is legitimately surprising, at least to me -- I thought they'd score more points.


That's a blocked punt. Jeff Maehl doing work! This is gonna get worse before it gets better. Though it may get a little better next week. (Broncos 52, Eagles 20)

Always love overhead shots of DOMES. Gonzalez just used Jerod Mayo as a pick. Meanwhile, the Falcons are starting three Madden computer-generated players at linebacker.


Uh-oh. The Patriots don't need to lose Wilfork for any period of time. Mulligan? Who is Mulligan? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Just call a play, Smith. The Patriots aren't jumping. They called a play! It didn't work, but why not. Terrible throw, though. Speaking of terrible throws, how does Thompkins catch that? Unreal. Of course...


Gonzalez. Yo, NBC DJ, how do you play any other version of "Beat It"? The Patriots have no second-half touchdowns this year? Huh.


"Roll Out?" OK, DJ, you just redeemed yourself.


What's Brady hot about? That wasn't a penalty. Oh, wait, there was contact but Brady's gotta make a better throw so Dobson doesn't get killed. I'm not really understanding why the Falcons are trying to throw to Roddy White in space. He can't run. Touchdown Patriots. One thing LeGarrette Blount isn't is fast. There's another one... Thompkins brings it in and the Pats have knocked the Falcons off the rails. Only I notice things like this but Kyle Arrington's had about five different jersey numbers.


Hmm. Touchdown. Falcons are trying to come back. They got the onside kick! The Patriots don't need this to get interesting. Why not call a run down here? There's still enough time...



Another onside kick? I don't think I would have done that... no way it works twice in a row. That's... they called it short? I dunno. Fumbled snap! Falcons get the ball! SICK catch by Jones. If this happens... Now Ryan's misfiring everywhere.


(Patriots 30, Falcons 23)


Is that Nick Toon on the Saints? Did no one see Sproles? And I don't mean because he's only 5-7. That was entirely too easy. I feel like Cameron Wake could have helped the Dolphins somehow on that drive. Remember, Tannehill was a WR for two years at A&M. (That's why I was shocked he started last year's opener. Not enough QB experience.) Stuffed! "Caleb Sturgis"? That's a name for a human being? Hmmm. This looks short. And it is. Dolphins... punting? Yeah, they're punting. The formation looked weird for a second. And that's an argument for leaving the running to the runners. Though it was a good job by Lofton to punch it out, it shouldn't have been that easy. Sproles again. Jimmy Graham is a man among men. Brandon Gibson's on the Dolphins now? How about that. Sweet misdirection by the Dolphins and a great juke by this Thigpen character. The most amazing thing about this year's Saints, to me, is that Rob Ryan is actually coordinating a good defense. Props to the Dolphins for hanging around so far as they're getting outplayed pretty badly. Like so. That looked like one of Eli's interceptions. Sproles AGAIN! Benjamin Watson lives! The wheels may be coming off.




Graham! That was quick. This is officially out of hand.





Go home, Gruden; you're drunk. (Saints 38, Dolphins 17)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (4-0) -- Juggernaut SMASH
2. Seattle (4-0) -- Houstonians are often considered the most hospitable of urban Texans
3. New Orleans (4-0) -- Who says coaching doesn't matter?
4. (tie) New England (4-0) -- Have had some escapes so far
4. (tie) Kansas City (4-0) -- Reid winning big with Scott Pioli's players

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (0-4) -- Lots of things going wrong right now
30. Tampa Bay (0-4) -- It's Christmas every Sunday for their opponents
31. N.Y. Giants (0-4) -- Don't do anything particularly well
32. Jacksonville (0-4) -- Petitioning to join the ACC as we speak

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Out and Back: Star Trek Into Darkness (no spoilers)

Friends, I'm gonna be honest here. This was a difficult one to write.

It's not because I didn't like the movie. I did. Let's get that out of the way. It's partly because my writing is rusty and I'm woefully out of practice. This is the first action the blog has seen in six months, and the reasons for that are another story for another day. It's partly because, as a way to get back into it, I've been maybe trying too hard to say something that 50,000 other people haven't already said about it.

But the main problem I had is that it's hard for me to write about this movie without giving away half of it.

So I'll start with the heavier, more philosophical stuff. Kirk disobeys every single order he's given in this movie. But I think his decision to attempt to bring Harrison in alive rather than killing him from the ship and being done with it is his best moment in either of the new films. Whether it's a nagging feeling on its surface about the order he was given or an independent realization that "Hey, these aren't the ideals that we're supposed to be upholding," Kirk gets it here and that scene does a better job of showing that than his peace offering to Nero in Star Trek 2009 did. (and some would say that he didn't really "get it" in that scene at all.)

They continue to push the envelope with Spock, showing just what a Vulcan is capable of when things go pear-shaped. From managing tensions with Uhura after the events of the film's opening, to his own showdown with Harrison, Spock's continual struggle to reconcile his human side with his Vulcan side remains one of the better characterizations of the new films.

Are you a Simon Pegg fan? Did you like him as Scotty in the first one? Then this is the movie for you. In fact, like the first movie, each main cast member gets to do at least one awesome thing, even if it's just give a stunningly threatening speech.

I would very much like to ask Benedict Cumberbatch how the scenery tasted.

Speaking of Cumberbatch, once The Reveal happens, it turns into what you sort of expect if you're familiar with the TOS universe, with more than a few elements of this TNG episode thrown in for good measure.

Speaking of that, oh, the references. A Tribble shows up. There's a major reference that probably only Deep Space Nine fans will get. Dr. Carol Marcus herself is a reference to the original timeline and presents some delicious storyline potential moving forward. (Not sure why they had Alice Eve keep her accent for the part but whatever.)

This brings me to my biggest issue with the movie: The climax is... actually pretty anti-climactic. Star Trek fans have figured out what the filmmakers were going for by the time the movie reaches that point. But I think that even if you're not a fan, there's such a feeling of "they're not actually going to do this" that the moment loses a lot of impact. And that's without mentioning that the fix to the problem gets foreshadowed at least twice.

So I can't make this a completely glowing review. Still, it's worth seeing if you enjoy that sort of thing. Plus, there are Klingons.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Breaking the Time Clock

Seriously. Don't even bother. There was a punt return for a touchdown and a kickoff return for a touchdown. And that's it. That was all that happened. Go watch the NBA doubleheader or something. (Bills 19, Dolphins 14)

Signal Finder: PHI @ WAS, NYJ @ STL (Really, Channel 3?), CLE @ DAL (end), IND @ NE


Barnwell, ever the diplomat, didn't say: "And also, your team stinks." Because he's said it before. Houston giving up that many yards and points to an offense that bad isn't what I'd call "sustainable". On the other hand, they're the first NFL team to score twice in overtime, so that's a fun thing they can use at the bar afterwards. (Texans 43, Jaguars 37, OT)

Aaaand the kid's off to a rollicking start. How do you get picked off by DeAngelo Hall in 2012? Hey, the Eagles' screen game is back! This drive's been going for a while and it doesn't seem to be accomplishing much. Well then. Two drives, two interceptions. If this game was in Philly they'd be chanting for Trent Edwards for the first time in Trent Edwards' career. The Redskins aren't doing much either and yet I don't like the Eagles' chances.


There seems to be something here with the short passes to McCoy. This drive stalling out is actually an improvement. It also ended in points, which is even better. That play action bomb blew up the Eagles' defense. I mean blew it up. As in a guy actually exploded. (The specific guy that exploded was the safety help that Asomugha was expecting that never materialized. Still, why is he running 10 yards parallel to the guy? Close  in already.) More end-of-the-first-half foolishness: The Redskins were lining up to go for it on 4th and short, got confused on the play call, the Eagles called time out, the Redskins punted into the end zone, then the Eagles ran the ball instead of taking a knee and fumbled, giving the Redskins three more points (and they kept a time out in their pocket). This is why both of these teams stink.



OK, Murphy's Law has officially set in for the Eagles' secondary. That was a stupid throw by Griffin and it went for a touchdown. Now what is this? 4th and 1 from the Eagles' 18 and the Redskins are going for it? Why you gotta be like that, Shanahan? You think you're losing this game? Please. Seriously, we can't find a guy off the street better than Kurt Coleman? Okay, unless something actually hilarious happens, I'm checking out. Why is Shanahan being such a dick? That's the pettiest challenge ever. Oh no. Why was McCoy still in the game to begin with? Ridiculous.



(Redskins 31, Eagles 6)

Matt Ryan is something like 30-4 at home when he starts for the Falcons. He threw five interceptions. The visiting team benched its quarterback after one quarter with a 13-point lead. The game was tied at halftime. The visiting team's vaunted defense allowed a team that has botched three notable late-game short-yardage situations in the last two years to score a 1-yard touchdown to win the game. The Arizona Cardinals are BACK, ladies and gentlemen! (Falcons 23, Cardinals 19)

You may want to sit down for this one. I just saw Mark Sanchez complete a touchdown pass. I know, I KNOW. I can barely believe it myself. And it came two plays after a turnover and one play after Dan Fouts was lamenting that teams don't go for big plays right after forcing a turnover any more. This game isn't much better, to be honest. I mean, the Jets are actually pulling away here — they haven't scored this many points since the opener. Why are the Rams going for two here? There's no difference between being down 13 and being down 12. Harmless idiocy there. Wow, this game sucked, too. (Jets 27, Rams 13)

And I'm sure that this game, despite the score, hasn't been any better. I mean, think about it: The Cowboys suck for letting the Browns build a 13-point lead, and the Browns suck for giving it up.


Terrible play call, terrible throw. There'll be a new coach in Cleveland next year, too. So what do you think the Cowboys did here? If you said, "Run into the line three times, gain two yards, punt to midfield and allow a 25-yard return", give yourself a gold star. Bonus points if you also predicted a penalty on said punt return that wasn't an illegal block in the back. That... might not be a horse collar. That's NOT a horse collar. He got the guy's hair. But still. TOUCHDOWN CLEVELAND. Please let this hold up; it would be the funniest result in years. Now the Cowboys are driving again with plenty of help from the Browns. Sheldon Brown was mugging Harris down there. This game should end in a tie but the Browns could easily blow it. Romo almost fumbled that one. Kick is good. This is the worst tied game ever.



The following is hilarious: Romo" "53's the MIKE." 53 (Craig Robertson): sacks Romo That's a good punt return. Is this even reviewable? Ed Hochuli just looked at that play before telling us it wasn't reviewable. Dierdorf: "You were under the hood, Ed." I thought Austin dropped this one. Obviously not. And the Browns choke it away.


(Cowboys 23, Browns 20, OT)

Now to actual football played by competent professionals. And as I say that Gostkowski pulls a Mason Crosby.


Nice runback by Edelman and poor tackling by the Colts. What the... and there's a bad throw by Luck and great runback by Talib.


The Patriots' superiority is just taking over now. That was too easy for Dennard. And there's another return for a touchdown. The Colts' tackling looks like... well, like most NFL teams' tackling, to be completely honest. Well, that's that. Also I had no idea Edelman looks like Zack Ryder when he was one of the Major Brothers. (Patriots 59, Colts 24)

Somehow they look worse at night. And the flesh-colored pants... oh my. Did they wear those the first time, too? Good thing they weren't televising the games back then. Who approved this? Both then and now. Who thought this was a good idea?



Oooh, taking a shot right out of the gate. That's not Steeler football. And neither is that. Heck, that isn't anything that should be allowed. I mean, Byron Leftwich runs like a long-lost Manning brother and he was making Ravens players miss.


I'm MIKE WALL- oops. Oh, look. The ball found Ed Reed again. It really is unbelievable how that always happens. Good job by the Steelers to only give up a field goal — that could and should have been worse. I think Leftwich's windup is powered by a hand crank. Wow. Jacoby Jones again. I'm pretty sure he just punched his Pro Bowl ticket with that one. Welcome to the dead end of Heinz Field, Justin Tucker. The Steelers haven't thrown many deep balls since the first play of the game. Strange. There's a bad throw by Leftwich that rightfully gets picked off. Now this has settled down into a typical Ravens-Steelers game, with the traded field goals in the third quarter being a prime example. Oh, Tomlin. If you get this wrong you probably lose. But I think it's a first down. By a NOSE it is. Aaaaand then Ngata kills Leftwich, so that ended up not making much difference.



I mean, it's getting ridiculous and clearly taking a toll on the man. Neither team has played particularly well tonight — the Steelers needed a bigger lift from the rest of their guys than they got, and the Ravens have been scuffling on offense all game long (it took Rice until the fourth quarter to outrush Leftwich.) Offsides? By two guys? That's stupid and near-fatal — they hit the 2-minute warning, so the Steelers will lose 40 seconds even if they get the stop. Why is Flacco dropping back? Who called a pass there? And why is Baltimore calling time out? Flacco taking the sack was the smartest thing anyone on the field has done in the last three minutes of real time. The Steelers are playing this like the Colts did at the end of the first half. Pick it up! A low snap? Well, that'll do it. (Ravens 13, Steelers 10)

This isn't the first time the Bears and 49ers have played on ESPN with both of their backup quarterbacks starting. I'm a bit surprised the 49ers are coming out throwing but Kaepernick is slinging that ball out there. Uh-oh. This is getting ugly fast. The Bears can't block well enough to give Campbell a chance to come back, or at least they haven't so far. But the bigger shock to me is how easily Kaepernick is making this look — this is one of the league's best defenses and he's slicing it to ribbons. Also, Aldon Smith is making a seven-course meal out of J'Marcus Webb, who really needs some help over there and he's not getting it. It's reminding me of that Eagles-Giants Sunday night game a few years back where rookie Winston Justice was pressed into service at left tackle and got destroyed all night.



Now Campbell's getting beat up like Leftwich was last night. Kaepernick still can't be stopped, by the way. That safety was hilarious. (49ers 32, Bears 7)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Houston (9-1)
— Those impromptu track meets can be killer
2. Atlanta (9-1) — Not exactly a command performance
3. San Francisco (7-2-1) — Quarterback controversy looming?
4. New England (7-3) — Well look who just popped up

BOTTOM 4:
29. Oakland (3-7)
— Too much upheaval at once leads to disaster
30. Cleveland (2-8) — Gave that one away
31. Jacksonville (1-9) — Might as well start taking chances
32. Kansas City (1-9) — Baby's back to crawling

Thursday, November 29, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Motions to Stop



Yeah, somehow I don't think this is the beginning of the next great quarterback rivalry. Call it a hunch. (Colts 27, Jaguars 10)

Signal Finder: NYG @ CIN, ATL @ NO (end), OAK @ BAL, BUF @ NE (end), DAL @ PHI, STL @ SF (end)

It's weird to think that the Giants have never won here considering how bad the Bengals have historically been. I'm pretty sure Corey Webster's salad days are over. Pacman Jones is still alive? Well, the Giants just found out he is. It's already 14-0. That was... odd. Did the Giants play that to get first and goal at the 2? Just a weird decision there to get one yard that doesn't matter in this context. I didn't realize the Bengals were carrying so many Rutgers guys. I mention this because Mohamed Sanu just made another big catch this year when they went for it on 4th and 2, and Brian Leonard's still kicking around as their fullback type. And here come the Giant turnovers. This offense has looked like crap for most of the day, and their defense hasn't been able to hold anything in these short-field situations. Time to cut to another game. Looks like A.J. Green was right.



(Bengals 31, Giants 13)

Oooh, another last stand for the Saints is going well. Until that bomb to Julio Jones, that is. I think I would have run those three goal-line plays in a different order if I was coaching the Falcons. Apparently Ivory's been getting the run for the Saints this week. (Is Thomas hurt, too? I know Sproles is out.) You'd think the Falcons would know how to cover a supremely athletic tight end. That's a game changer because now the Saints are almost guaranteed at least three points, meaning the Falcons will need a touchdown. And there it is. Falcons are driving and I think they thought that was a touchdown where the Saints thought it was a fumble. They're both wrong. More goal-line adventures! They wouldn't be in this situation if they'd gotten it right the last time. I hate the straight pass play on 2nd down here. — either run a play fake or just run it. Try running to the outside,  maybe. Nice play by Greer to knock the pass down because White was going to catch it, and it's another short-yardage failure for the Falcons.



Oh, there's Thomas. That was a bit risky. You kind of figured it would end like this, right? (Saints 31, Falcons 27)

If the Bills had a quarterback, they would have won this game. Or, at least, it wouldn't have ended the way it did. (Patriots 37, Bills 31)




Oh, look. A needless Cowboys penalty prolongs a drive that was stalled. That's never happened before. I... I don't believe what I just saw. The Eagles scored a first-quarter touchdown. From inside the red zone, no less! (Cooper's catch was pretty nice, too.) Someone has stolen Felix Jones' jersey because he is running wild out there. The fullback getting loose a few times is only making things worse and the Eagles are tackling like they did in New Orleans. That was way too easy. Now Romo's overthrowing his guys. You know who's good (or at least playing well now that he's been called upon) is Bruce Carter. Aw, Vick. McCoy may have scored if you could have gotten the ball to him. Wait, what's going on? Remember last week when I said it was remarkable how nothing has happened to Vick despite the beating he's been taking every week? Yeah, scratch that.





And there's the first solid shot Foles takes behind this Superfund site of an offensive line. Note that Jason Avant (who just went down himself) was the emergency quarterback because Trent Edwards is inactive for some reason. And I don't know who's next in line. Jackson, maybe? We also need to discuss the last two minutes of the half, where... questionable... clock management by both teams led to there being three possessions and the Cowboys calling two time outs to get the ball back, then taking a knee. OK, maybe we don't need to talk about that.



Wow, Maclin was so wide open he caught that like he was fielding a punt. Romo just ran away from about four Eagles to keep that play alive. Touchdown. Or is it? Big play either way because if it's not a score, Bryant was interfered with so  the ball will be at the 1. I actually think it's a catch — I think his arm's underneath it. Why is this taking so long? Put it on the board. I think I'm the only person who thought he held on to that ball, and it'd be in my best interest if he hadn't.




I do agree with my doppelganger that the catch rules have become far too complicated. Morris Claiborne keeps hitting his own self-destruct button. His number of penalties in this game is higher than his Wonderlic score. And the punt return team just bailed him out. It's like a bolt of lightning just hit this place. A pick-six? Really? REALLY? That one's partly on DeSean as well — throw was behind him but he had his hands on it and should have caught it. Also, King Dunlap — who is playing the role of Morris Claiborne for the Eagles today — could have stopped the runback but just... stopped.



This thing has just about blown up. Three touchdowns in two and a half minutes? Good luck coming back from that. Who misses extra points anymore? Well that's just insult to insult right there. This depressed me. (Cowboys 38, Eagles 23)






(Seahawks 28, Jets 7)


What sorcery is this? Harbaugh uses both of his overtime time outs on the first possession, then Akers misses from 41? Now the Rams are going to try one from 53. DELAY OF GAME?!?! How does that even happen? Now it's a 58-yard attempt... and he misses it! And there's so little time left they may not have a chance to get the ball back. Well, unless they force a three-and-out. Now what do you do if you're the 49ers? I think you have to punt here, pin the Rams in their own end and make them earn it. Why aren't the Rams throwing deep? That holding penalty on Willis just cost the 49ers a chance to win this game... and Aldon Smith sacking Bradford just sealed a tie. Unbelievable.



Donovan McNabb: "Man, feels good finally getting off that hook. Danny, we need to talk." (Rams 24, 49ers 24, OT)

Whoa, that's some serious rain. A fumble already? Oh, this'll be overturned. Oh, there's another one. And this one will probably stand. I don't really get why both teams have come out throwing in these conditions but what can you do. That's a good stop by the Bears defense to not allow a touchdown after that. This is why Devin Hester doesn't get much run in the passing game any more. Another Bears turnover? Did these teams go Freaky Friday on us? Remember too that this turf is among the NFL's worst on a good day, but unless Jennings' man slipped and fell there, the turf didn't cause that interception. Seriously, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And STOP THROWING IT. That was, what, three turnovers in the space of 12 plays or so? checks Four in 13. I'm frightened by how close my guess was. And Schaub throws another one! This is madness. A 51-yarder in this slop? Well, I guess if anyone can make it, Gould can. Now it's turned into a punting contest. The Texans seem to have settled down first and decided to stick to the run game. Oh. OUCH. And Cutler did not come out of that on the good end. Also, guess what happened two plays later. I was legitimately stunned when Jason Campbell signed with the Bears on the first day of free agency — by my count, there are at least six AFC teams he could start for right now (including, frankly, his former one.) Nice deep ball to Marshall from Campbell after a bunch of short throws. Shame they couldn't capitalize. Wait, Gould missed? That doesn't happen. These defenses are not messing around. Graham barely got that one over the crossbar. I feel like the conditions left both of these teams running at about 70 percent. (Texans 13, Bears 6)

This is the same rain that was in Chicago last night, for those wonder- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP THE PRESSES:



The Steelers are making this look like a trap game — Jamaal Charles is running right through them. A draw play on 1st and a week? Serves them right. Are the Steelers aware there's a game tonight? File "Missing easy field goals" under "things the Chiefs can't afford to do at this point" because the Steelers could arrive at any time and administer the beatdown we all know is coming. I'M MIKE WALLACE. He's had an up-and-down year but the "ups" have been plays like that. We're tied. And there goes another quarterback. Succop misses another one? This is getting into game-changer territory. Well, the Steelers certainly don't need to see Leftwich getting up slowly after taking a hit. The Chiefs have had too much national exposure this season and all of their games have been awful. Like here: They get what looks like a fumble return for a touchdown, it gets reviewed and overturned, then they get hit with a 15-yard penalty for excessive celebration of something that never actually happened. Then they get a stop on 4th and 1 at midfield and can't do anything with it. Suisham shows 'em how it's done. And now we're back in the morass. There's been one first down in eight minutes of game time.



The Steelers decided there that they don't think Cassel can drive the Chiefs into field goal range, and they're probably right.



Or not, as Cassel hitting on 4th and 15 and Succop making the game-tying field goal has given us the very real possibility of a second tie in two days. Or... not, as Cassel throws an interception on the second play. LOL at the Steelers not even running a play before kicking the field goal. It's almost as  if Tomlin was thinking, "These are the greatest fans in the world, and they've suffered enough."







This should never have happened. (Steelers 16, Chiefs 13, OT)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:

1. Houston (8-1) — Pass "top team on road" test
2. Atlanta (8-1) — Nothing lasts forever
3. San Francisco (6-2-1) — That's a division and conference tie on top of it, which could be big in the end
4. Chicago (7-2) — At least they have a backup QB with a pulse this time around

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (3-6) — Not even Denzel could save this flight
30. Cleveland (2-7) — Could probably use a coach
31. Jacksonville (1-8) — Good thing nobody saw this
32. Kansas City (1-8) — Had a lead. Baby steps

Thursday, November 15, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Bad Days

Will the Chiefs take a lead? Will there be a Ricky Stanzi sighting tonight? Will Norv Turner get fired if the Chargers somehow lose this game after getting beaten by the Browns four days ago? Will the Chiefs even give themselves a chance to keep this competitive? (Answer: Apparently not.) KC Joyner: "The only way two teams from the AFC West make the playoffs is if the NFL employs the NHL playoff rules this year. Which could be OK since the NHL won't be needing them any time soon." FISTICUFFS! YOU HEARD?! Man, the Chiefs can't even win an on-field donnybrook. Meanwhile, Rivers has yet to throw an incompletion. Three minutes later he's not only thrown and incompletion, but also a terrible interception. Then Weddle muffs the punt but the Chiefs miss a gimme field goal.


Hey, they're using Jamaal Charles! Well, that predictably fizzled out.


And there's not much on that clock, either. (Chargers 31, Chiefs 13)

Signal Finder: DEN @ CIN, CAR @ WAS, MIA @ IND (end), PIT @ NYG

I am interested to see long-term if Griffin is measured against Newton as much as he will be against Luck. Whoa, what are the Redskins wearing? Those are like some retro space-age threads. I dig 'em. Wow, I know neither of these teams are very good, but they're similar in a lot of ways and I expected this game to be closer than it is because of that. Geez, Fox, this was the best game you could bring displaced viewers to? checks scoreboard Oh, I guess it was. My apologies.


We've just had three penalties in a row with two and a half minutes left in a game that's probably over. Two of them on third down, even. Apparently no one wants to leave the red zone at this point. That's two Redskins touchdowns wiped out by penalties. Not a lot of "darting" space there, Moose. What was that pass? (Panthers 21, Redskins 13)

That was a bad halftime frame for Mike Nugent - missing a field goal to end the first and getting his kickoff taken back to the house to start the second. Brandon Stokley's still alive? (I asked this question two years ago, one year after this happened.) Also, who had Eric Decker vs. Terence Newman (!!!) as the day's best one-on-one matchup? Newman stopped the Broncos cold in the end zone after Peyton had sliced and diced his way down the field, then he was there on a severe underthrow of Decker on the next drive. Then Decker got him back by getting an interference call on the last touchdown. Good stuff there. (Broncos 31, Bengals 23)

The Steelers literally just got here. (You know the story by now how Sandy's aftermath completely screwed their travel plans.) Wow, Steelers fans are everywhere. That punt was better than Eli's first pass. For whatever reason the Steelers have decided to become a running team again even though they've gone through five running backs this season. It's working so far today, though... set up that touchdown nicely. That pass interference call is dicey. So was the personal foul on Clark for the hit on Cruz in the end zone, but that's the thing about having a reputation.



I don't think the ball broke the plane before Brown's knee hit on this touchdown either. No, it didn't... and they're not overturning it? I don't like that at all. Let's see how the Steelers respond. Wait, what? Oh, that'll get overturned for sure... Ben's arm is clearly coming forward. Really? REALLY? Look. Those of you who've been reading me for any length of time know I'm not That Guy. But these officials just gave the Giants 14 points.




Steelers fans will be bitching about this for weeks and justified as it may be, I don't want to deal with it. And I didn't even mention the clip during the return that also should have wiped out the touchdown. There's another drop by Wallace, by the way. Tynes missing that field goal before the half amuses me. Someone needs to point out that Eli hasn't looked right for at least three games now. Also it's now November and the Coughlin-era Giants have been notoriously bad in November. All these penalties against the Steelers are helping their cause, though. You don't run Isaac Redman outside. Bang! I'M MIKE WALLACE. Good punt return there... are the Giants going to blow this like they almost did last week? Oh my.



I mean, if you're gonna run a fake there, fine (but really, on 4th and 1? Just line up and run the ball. The Giants haven't stopped it yet), but don't run that fake. And of course, the Giants can't capitalize. Man, they look bad going both ways here. The Steelers just pounded it in again - they've completely worn out the Giants, who I don't think are coming back this time. And that's it. Steelers win and tell the refs to suck it in the process. You know what I like about this? Both teams got what they deserved. (Steelers 24, Giants 20)



This thing erupted in the second half.  It was pretty ridiculous. Almost as much as Carson's interception that sealed it. (Buccaneers 42, Raiders 32)



I didn't even know they made dresses that short that flared out at the bottom like that. I mean, I shouldn't have known that, but it just looks a little strange.This is the first time I've actually seen the new opening and I'm nonplussed otherwise. Also, the theme song is still terrible. Already the Cowboys leave points on the field in the red zone - Romo probably could have scored there had he run the ball himself. Of course, Dez Bryant wasn't on the field and they didn't throw to Witten, choosing a 5-5 rookie to target instead. Let the soft fluttering sound of flags waving in the climate-controlled breeze begin. Matt Bryant missed? Really? And Ogletree catches another bomb - he's good for one every six weeks, it seems - but the Cowboys have to kick another field goal, which isn't going to help them win this game. As a penalty takes a Romo interception off the board, it's worth noting that the Falcons are paying more attention to Witten than the Cowboys are. Is it just me, or does the Cowboys' running game go missing for about a month every year? This game is tied and boring at halftime. I expected... more. I'm pretty sure Michael Turner isn't "The Burner" any more. Another miss by the Falcons? What's going on down there? It's taken two and a half quarters for the running backs to break through, and there's Turner with a big one. Touchdown! I didn't think we'd see one of those tonight. The Falcons are owning the middle of the Cowboys' defense. Where was this all game? Ogletree again? Really? Now the Falcons are just chewing up clock. Yep, Orlando Scandrick is still terrible. That's three third downs the Falcons have converted on this drive.




The Cowboys' last three plays were hilarious. (Falcons 19, Cowboys 13)

Somebody's getting crossed off tonight. Let's find out who, shall we? And already the gates have swung open in front of Vick. The Saints' defense is absolutely terrible and they're getting pressure on every play. Well that was a long way to go for nothing. Mark Ingram's been a disappointment so far, so if the trend holds, he'll be a Dolphin in 2015. That field goal attempt was comical. The ball that went off Celek's fingers and got returned for a touchdown was also comical for a lot of the same reasons.



Now Herremans is down?! You have got to be kidding me. Is there a voodoo doll out there somewhere?



What's amazing about this is that the Eagles have run the ball down the Saints' throats so far (poor tackling has helped) and have nothing to show for it but a field goal because they haven't run the ball when it matters most. Also, how did this defense get so bad? Nnamdi's having his worst year ever, Trent Cole hasn't done anything... I can go on but I won't because I'll be sick. Fatigue's probably part of it because, again, Vick's getting crushed every week. Apropos of nothing, Marcus Vick doesn't know how things work:



And now the Eagles have lost the ability to tackle. It's not even halftime and they look absolutely defeated.



Even after the Jackson bomb I have no optimism.  The Saints fumbled the kickoff? And this is why I have no optimism. RUN THE FREAKING BALL. Jimmy Graham just walked past somebody into the end zone and that's probably all she wrote. Wait, what? Riley Cooper just collapsed in exhaustion. Oh, that's a forward pass. It was worth a shot. And it worked! Except, well, you know.



All right, let's do it. crosses off Eagles This is the best possible advertisement for Vick's flak jacket. He's been getting physically crushed all year and hasn't missed any time yet. Although he probably wishes he had. (Saints 28, Eagles 13)

RANKINGS
TOP 4
1. Atlanta (8-0): Dirty Birds come with bulldozers
2. Houston (7-1): Sort of back on schedule
3. San Francisco (6-2): Stretch run time
4. Chicago (7-1): That was terrifying to watch

BOTTOM 4
29. Tennessee (3-6): Time to go back to Locker
30. Jacksonville (1-7): Gabbert was OK for once
31. Cleveland (2-7): Missed opportunities
32. Kansas City (1-7): How did these guys pull a Monday night game? Seriously


Thursday, November 8, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Down And Around

Who does Doug Martin think he is? Adrian Peterson? (Buccaneers 36, Vikings 17)

Signal Finder: ATL @ PHI, NYG @ DAL, OAK @ KC


This will be the ultimate test. The Eagles in the Reid era have always won this game no matter how good the team has actually been. Wow. That was surgery assisted by an unwilling patient. Let's see how the Eagles respond. Three and out! AWESOME. It's bad enough that the Falcons are doing everything right, but the Eagles are giving them more help than they need with penalties, especially on third downs. That they've had the ball for all of 35 seconds hasn't helped, either. Shouldn't those turbines be spinning? It's pretty windy out there. Now the Eagles are starting to click. They needed that touchdown badly. What they didn't need to follow up with was Julio Jones running right past Asomghua. But then, he runs right past most people. Seriously, he cut inside and just took off. How do you slow those two down? Bump-and-run? I'm not sure.


These fans are not happy. Well, what there are of them. That said, credit to the Falcons: You can't play football better than they have in the first half. They're playing like they're trying to get out of town. I can't think of a single Eagles defensive player who's had a good game so far. This is the final play in Saints-Buccaneers last week. He's out of bounds. OMG A SACK! And it took Cedric Thornton to get it? Shameful. Lynch just made a good point: They should probably go for it regardless — they haven't stopped the Falcons yet. They're punting? Bad move. And there's the "Fire Andy!" chant. And even that's kind of halfhearted, partially because this stadium is half-full.


Ladies and gentlemen, stop the presses: The Falcons are going to punt. Hey, the Eagles have the ball at midfield. Or, rather, had. Blocked punt? No wonder the Falcons only did it once. Also, that's the first good thing Casey Matthews has done in two years. Well, that'll be that. In retrospect, that opening drive may as well have been a death march. The game after the bye week was like a lighthouse in the midst of the darkest, roughest seas, and now that that's gone out... (Falcons 30, Eagles 17)
(Patriots 45, Rams 7)

Well, the Jets are certainly seizing the wide-open slogfest that is the AFC East.



(Dolphins 30, Jets 9)

Well, that lasted, what, 25 minutes of real time? Brady Quinn wasn't the answer but we knew that and it's not because of this. That note Adam Schefter had about how long it had been since the Chiefs won a game with a quarterback they'd drafted is staggering, and next year probably isn't the year to fix that. (Raiders 26, Chiefs 16)

What's sad about this is that at this point, the rest of the division would be better served by the Cowboys winning even though all of the evidence says they have no shot. Also, why were there exactly two late games this week? Quirk of the schedule? Anyway, on to the action, and the Giants seem to be choosing the "bleed them out slowly" method, while the Cowboys seem to be choosing the "let's hand the game to them before halftime and get the humiliation over with" method. It's kind of ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. So... yeah. The Giants sniffed that screen out and Pierre-Paul made Romo throw it right to him. The rout could be on here. 



The Cowboys' goal-line offense looks like the Eagles'. Oh, there you go. They needed that badly. That and the interception have somehow turned this into a game. Now Romo's lighting up the Giants' secondary when it's not lighting itself up, though the complete absence of even the thought of a run game concerns me. Am I seeing this? Did the Cowboys just take the lead?






The Giants look completely discombobulated. That's... they're calling it an interception? Did it hit the ground?




And now it's down to between the guy you want the most in the fourth quarter and the guy you want the least. That penalty won't help. Field goal gives the Giants the lead back but they could have had more. Fumble!



The Giants did well to get points there. I have to say the Cowboys' defense has played pretty well for having a 29 on the scoreboard for the opposing team. More in the moment, I have to say the Cowboys' offense is running out of time here. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. The Giants' secondary strikes again — as bad a game as Dez has had, you still can't leave him that open. Wait... did he come down inbounds? I'm not sure he did. Oh, boy. You can see in high-definition that his fingers are on the end line. I'm not sure he had to brace himself the way he did... he probably could have just fallen straight down and he might have stayed in.




Why isn't he on the field? It's second down, you've gotta do the same thing again; wouldn't you want him out there? Oh, they're treating him. Did he hurt his hand? Wow, Romo, that throw wasn't even close.



Well, this division race is over.



Also, #OccupyJerryWorld.



Also also, it was a good day to be a Giant.



(Giants 29, Cowboys 24; Giants 4, Tigers 3; TAFKA The Giant 2, Sheamus 0)

Peyton Manning, ladies and gentlemen. (Broncos 34, Saints 14)

I'm pretty sure ESPN is the only channel not showing Sandy updates. Though Cardinals fans are probably wishing they were. The 49ers' receivers are running through and away from people. Same old story again. Or still. Patrick Peterson is getting used and abused. Been a few years since we've seen that Randy Moss.
Smith's only incompletion was Walker's drop? Jebus. Well, the Cardinals stink again. Order has been restored. (49ers 24, Cardinals 3)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Atlanta (7-0): Seriously, people. Best team in the league
2. Houston (6-1): To the recharging stations
3. San Francisco (6-2): Got back to basics
4. Chicago (6-1): Something about gift horses and mouths

BOTTOM 4:
29. Carolina (1-6): Gave that one away
30. Jacksonville (1-6): Does anyone care?
31. Cleveland (2-6): Though their win probably says more about the Chargers
32. Kansas City (1-6): What's happened to home field advantage?